authorsnotes: never written in this fandom before but omg, I watched TLJ, I listened to shattered by trading yesterday, I looked at A LOT of reylo fanart on tumblr and this is what came of it!

pls let me know if you like it - reviews are my fav. I would make some kind of star wars reference about reviewing and the force all that but that would just be cringe for all of us. but anyway, I hope you enjoy this lil piece, lemme know if you do, fav if you liked!

songrecs: shattered - trading yesterday / creep - radiohead

'Yesterday I died, tomorrows bleeding, fall into your sunlight'

The force connects them many times. Sometimes it connects them, and they fight, they scream and shout at one another, each trying to take their anger out on the other. Their fights get so intense she is sure he is actually in the room with her, that somehow the force has bought him to her door. He yells and she shrieks, and she is sure he is with her, but then the blanket falls, the connection drops and she is alone again, panting from the furious argument, and yet feeling like something has been lost.

Sometimes it connects them, and they don't argue, they simply talk. They talk not of the resistance, not of anything like that, they just talk about themselves. She tries to see the good in him, he insists there isn't any. He tries to convince her she is better than being a Jedi, she refutes that with a scoff that results in a twitch of his lips. They just talk, no raised voices, no anger, it is kind of nice, and oddly, when the connection breaks after those conversations, she finds herself missing them.

Just once the force connected them and they didn't talk, didn't argue, they just sat, in a weird comfortable silence that feels unnatural to them. He has a cut above his eyebrow she wants to ask about but doesn't as he gives her a look. So, they just sit, in a weird silence that feels entirely too natural and comforting. When the connection ends that time, she doesn't feel lost, or like she missed something … instead she feels empty.

'The future's open wide, beyond believing, to know why hope dies'

She leaves Ahch-To, convinced he can be redeemed, convinced that Ben Solo is not lost to Kylo Ren. She is sure there is still something there. She can't reconcile the man who had tried to torture her, who destroyed Luke's work, who turned his back on his own family, she can't reconcile that with the man the force had connected her too. She just can't.

Luke's story had made her feel cold, that he had almost turned on his own nephew, and now she knows why Ben is so broken, so sad, so curled up inside that he turned from the light.

She is sure, so sure that he can turn back, and the force makes her see it, brilliant and true. When she does see it, she smiles, a bigger smile than she has in years.

He can be redeemed, he is not lost, and she will help him.

'And losing what was found, a world so hollow, suspended in a compromise'

Part of her had hoped he wouldn't take her to Snoke, but perhaps she had too much faith in him. She certainly hisses that at him as he leads her there, he just glares at her but doesn't say anything. She wants to rile him up, make him angry, prompt one of those screaming fights now they are in person, but she doesn't. They just stand in an awkward, uncomfortable silence as the lift moves up, moves to where he will take her to her death.

And yet, her impending doom doesn't unease her, it is the silence that does. There silences were usually comforting, here they aren't, and she hates that more than what's coming.

She had been so sure, so sure he could be redeemed and that all he needed was some help, someone to believe in him to bring him back to the light. Had she been so wrong? She has to ask.

"You don't have to do this" She says, perhaps honey will work better than vinegar, though she has never been much of a sweet person. Again, he ignores her, and she wants to scream, but she knows that won't work, not now, not here.

"I feel the conflict in you, it's tearing you apart" She could it, it was, she was sure.

She told him of what she had seen, and she was so sure it was right, so sure that he'd turn, that she had seen it, clear and true, and how could the force be wrong? She puts her faith in the force, she had left Ahch-To believing it, believing in what it had showed her.

However, his next words bring a chill to her spine, she feels clammy and a little sick as he speaks, had she been wrong?

"You'll be the one to turn, you'll stand with me Rey"

Even when he speaks of her parents, she doesn't notice, she is just thinking on those words, on how sure he sounded, how certain, just like she had been. Is he right?

Then the doors open, she sees Snoke, and for the moment her anger at his lack of reaction, at the horrible silence he had put upon them, her confusion at his words, at his certainness for her future, and her sudden doubt in what she had seen, fades in the face of such danger.

She is human after all, she doesn't have a death wish, and she is soon scared when she stands in front of Snoke and Ben just kneels. She is frightened, but seeing Ben scared, on his knees, that is somehow worse, that makes her stand up tall, cock her chin and lift her head. She may be frightened, but she'll be damned if she shows it, she'll be damned if she kneels.

Seeing Ben kneel does disappoint her, she had thought he wouldn't bow.

And yet, as Snoke toys with her, mocks her, and then turns to his protégé to kill her.

She was right, Ben would not bow.

'But the silence of this sound is soon to follow, somehow sundown'

They fight side by side, so perfectly in concert, moving almost as one. He dodges her to one side when a blow comes for her, she thrusts her saber through his arms to kill someone charging at him. She leans over him, grabbing his arm to balance, back to back he grabs her hip to move them. They work in a perfect motion, knowing one another's strengths and weaknesses almost instinctively to ensure they win.

It feels like more than just them, the way they move, the way they move so perfectly with one another, like two puzzle pieces that slot in just flawlessly. It feels like perhaps the force is with them, but not in the way it was when she was alone, but in a different way, a way that is something more somehow. She can't even understand it, let alone begin to explain it, but she can feel it. And as she locks eyes with Ben, so sure they'll win, she knows he feels it too.

And win they do. It was hard, brutal, and she feels more tired than she can remember, but they won. Their gazes, his hazel, the same as hers, she had never noticed that before, and yet it fits. She feels almost too comfortable, and yet shivers at his gaze, as they keep their eyes on one another before she looks and steps away.

And then she turns back to him, but his eyes are on Snoke now. "Ben?" His next words make her shoulders sag, make her feel such a disappointment it almost crippled her, almost made her kneels buckle she feels so disheartened.

He holds his hand out, "I want you to join me" And tears pool in her eyes, trickle down her cheeks, and she shakes her head. She had been wrong it seemed, but so had he, the force had led them both false. She would never join him in this, to oppress and hurt others, she had hoped he would turn from that, that once Snoke was gone he'd turn, but no, she had been wrong again, but then he had been wrong too, in that she'd join him, she wouldn't, not like this.

Then he talks of her parents, perhaps to lash out at her, convince her, she doesn't know. And yet regardless of his motive, somehow even the revelation that her parents were nobody, nothing, that doesn't make her as sad as Ben turning his back on the light, once and for all, that doesn't hurt her nearly as much.

'And finding answers is forgetting all of the questions we call home, passing the graves of the unknown'

They fight and it feels wrong, so wrong in a way she can't explain. When they had screamed and shouted at one another it had felt natural, normal almost, but now? Now it feels like it shouldn't be happening, like they were wrong for fighting. And yet, she knows she has to. When they glare at one another she wants to beg him to turn to her, she wants to scream at him for being so prideful and idiotic, she wants to cry for it seems he will not be redeemed.

She wants to scream at him, curse him, cry, sob, scream, tell him he was making a mistake, tell him he could change, could be redeemed. But she can already see he won't turn, not now, maybe not ever. Maybe it isn't just that he will not be redeemed, perhaps he can't be redeemed.

The lightsaber is suspended in the air for too long, shouldn't it be coming to her? She's a Jedi, shouldn't it want to come to her? And yet it doesn't. She screams, a horrible sound as she wills it, forces it, tries, and tries to bring it to her, but no.

Instead it splits, she's thrown backward, and when she wakes, she doesn't look back, as she runs from the destruction, runs from the base, runs from Ben.

Part of her does pause at the doors, pauses, and wants to turn back to try one more time, perhaps just once more and he will realise … but no. She can't, she has to return to the resistance, to the side she is fighting on, the side that is not his.

Many things with Ben had felt wrong since he had marched her up to see Snoke, but knowing now they definitively fight on different sides?

That is the worst wrong she can think of.

She's disappointed in him again, as she knows he's declared himself Supreme Leader, as he fires on the resistance, no mercy, no regret, just ruthless. And yet, she can't pause, she can't stop to crumple in on herself that she had so hoped but had been so wrong. Instead she must stand strong, and she does, she does as the resistance fights on.

'As reason clouds my eyes with splendour fading, illusions of the sunlight'

He fights Luke, and she knows he is lost.

Her heart feels heavy at that, she feels tired, exhausted, worse than after they had fought, side by side after he killed Snoke.

Was that only a few hours ago? Just the same day?

It feels like a lifetime.

'A reflection of a lie will keep me waiting, with love gone for so long'

Leia offers her some encouraging words about the resistance, that even with Luke gone they can fight on, will fight on, have to fight on. She knows she needs to be strong, and she does feel some hope, and she knows she must push on, has to keep going.

And yet, even as some hope flares in her heart, that the resistance isn't over, that they can still fight…

She just thinks of Ben, and how much she wished he had turned.

'And this day's ending is the proof of time, killing all the faith I know, knowing that faith is all I hold'

sooooo, thoughts?

I hope you enjoyed! I adore this pairing and deffo plan on writing more of them, so feel free to sub to my page to keep updated! I have a little wip in mind for this couple that I should have out soonish.

pls review/fav and all that jazz, always appreciated.

speak soon