The Quiet Game

Summary: The game was simple. She wouldn't talk until someone asked her why she wasn't talking. If they asked the game was over and she lost if they didn't she won. The problem was she always won. Always.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

If you would disappear would anyone even notice you were gone?

Such a terribly gloomy thought crossed Seven's mind as she woke up late in the evening. She got a headache during the day and was allowed to be excused from her studies until she would get better even if Dad pointed out that she was weaker than the others for having a headache in the first place.

Mom brought her some pills, and she fell asleep quickly after taking them. Maybe she just needed the extra hours of rest.

Her head finally stopped throbbing, and she went downstairs only to discover everyone finished their dinner and had moved on to other activities while Mom fixed her something to eat.

She stayed in the kitchen all alone chewing the food. She usually liked Mom's meals but today she didn't find much pleasure in them, just kept on looking up the stairs wondering if the others knew she had a headache or not and if that was why no one came to tell her about dinner.

Seven talked to Mom, finished her food, and went upstairs. All the doors were closed even though she heard the others behind them chatting or laughing.

She eyed every door wondering if maybe someone would open them and let her in to play or talk, but all the doors stayed closed. She didn't know who was with whom but it seemed like no one wanted to be disturbed since the doors were all closed. She still remembered the times she used to try and talk or play with them only to be told to leave. This time she didn't even bother to try.

Seven went to her room but left the door slightly open in case someone wanted to come and see her. They didn't have to play or talk. They could just stay in the room with her so she wouldn't feel so...alone. No one did.

It was the morning that followed that was the one she first thought up and started to play her little game. It was simple.

Whenever she was feeling especially alone the day before she would play a game with herself for her own amusement. It was a bit of a strange game, Seven knew that. But there weren't many things she was good at. She was good at being quiet, wasn't she? Dad used to tell her to be quiet whenever Four tickled her and Six when they were little, but maybe that was just something she made up. Sometimes she wasn't sure.

It was a silly game, but she won every time. All her siblings liked to win during practice and training. They loved to beat one another and be the first or the best. Winning was fun. She should like winning too.

The game was simple.

She wouldn't talk until someone asked her why she wasn't talking.

Easy, right?

She would wake up and go through the day without saying a single word until someone would come and ask her why she wasn't talking. It would be fun. It would be hilarious how long would it take for someone to come and try and talk to her to realize what she was doing. It couldn't take too long, right? How could it? Someone would have to notice she wasn't talking, right? How could they not?

Breakfast was a bit disappointing even if she tried it not to get to her, her siblings were usually dealing with the lack of sleep or chatting about their previous missions while she quietly ate her cereals avoiding looking at anyone and crushing the spoon as she tried not to cry and ruin the game. Wasn't it fun to know how long she could last without talking? Without anyone noticing she wasn't talking? Without anyone caring?

After breakfast, they all went to their studies. She had to work on her violin while the others went to train in the gym. No one came to disturb her, not that they ever did. She was all alone standing in her room and playing endlessly until her fingers felt sore, but she couldn't stop. Playing was the only thing she had. It was the only thing she believed she could succeed in. If she didn't play, Dad would take the violin away, and she would be left without anything. So she practiced for hours until it was time for lunch fearing if she stopped for even a moment it would be all taken away from her.

They ate lunch with father so no one talked. Of course, no one would notice she was quiet the whole time. How could they? Everyone was quiet during lunch. Everyone listened to whatever broadcast father allowed them to listen to today. She chewed her food making as little sound as possible wondering how long would it take before someone would notice that she wasn't talking. Someone would notice, right?

They had study sessions after that. Pogo went over chemistry with them and then physics. He asked her a question only once. It wasn't a hard question. In fact, Seven already wrote it down, but she couldn't bring herself to open her mouth and say it so she just shook her head and Pogo asked Luther instead. She couldn't break the rules of the game.

She wondered if anyone even noticed she didn't talk since yesterday. When she dared to look around no one was looking at her.

No one was ever looking at her anyway.

Afterward was dinner, again together with father so no talking was allowed. She didn't finish and left most of it on the plate.

'Oh, aren't you hungry, Seven?' Mom asked, 'Maybe next time I can make one of your favorite foods, hm?'

She took the plate from under her but didn't wait for an answer, and Seven didn't give her one, just got out of her chair, walked to her room, and left the door open in case someone wanted to come in.

No one did.

She waited for hours and hours and no one did, and when she heard Mom's voice in the hallway telling them it was time to sleep, she finally closed the door changed her clothes and went to turn off the lights knowing no one would come and no one would talk to her and no one would ask her why she wasn't talking because no one noticed, and no one cared.

As tears ran down her face and her shaky hand opened the bottle with her pills she mumbled to herself the first sentence of that day.

'I won.'

Wasn't it great to win? Wasn't it a fun game? Didn't it feel good to win?

Everyone loves winning. And she won! She won! She won her stupid game! Didn't it feel great to be a winner?

She thought as she cried herself to sleep before the pill kicked in and took that feeling of sadness and loneliness away leaving her numb once again.

Numb was better than loneliness.

Anything was better than loneliness.

Time went on, and she continued to play the game. Not every day. Some days were fine. She would greet everyone in the morning and wish them good luck if they had missions. She would answer yes if they could borrow her exercise books or homework or whatever it was they wanted from her. Some days she could almost pretend it was enough. It was enough to just be needed or better yet that something was needed from her. It was enough that they knew she existed, wasn't it?

Then Dad would say something hurtful or the others would somehow chase her away or maybe it wouldn't be anything anyone else did just something inside her she had no control over would convince her that she might as well disappear and no one would notice or care, and she would decide to play the game again.

It was ridiculous. What fun was there in a game she won every time? It should have gotten boring by the third or fifth time, but she played it over and over again as if she wanted someone else to win as if she wanted someone to ask her why she wasn't talking. She must not have been very competitive if she wanted to lose so badly. She has given them a chance over and over again to beat her, but they never did. They couldn't because they didn't care enough.

Would anyone notice if you disappear one day?

And so Vanya was in her room with the door half-opened. She was always a fair player. The others had a chance. She never cheated. All according to her made-up rules in her made-up game. They could come in whenever they wanted, they just never did, and if they did they never noticed that she wasn't talking. And they never asked her the question, and they never won the game.

'I would like to see your notes from calculus,' said Five as he entered her room without a greeting, the typical vibe of collected confidence around him as usual. Five never asked if he could enter a room. He always held himself with a sort of privilege only a favorite child could. She could tell. She saw the way Dad looked at him. All of them tried so hard to impress him, get him to like them, care for them, but there was always something about the way he looked at Five. Even with his cockiness and stubbornness, Dad liked Five the most.

Vanya knew he didn't greet her this morning either. Then again no one did unless she greeted them first, but she was playing the game so she didn't say a word.

She offered him a nod and motioned to her desk.

He nodded back and rushed toward it grabbing her notes and immediately going through them, 'Four-well Klaus, I supposed, kept on kicking into the table. It was impossible to concentrate on anything Pogo was saying.'

Vanya watched him in silence. It wasn't the first time someone spoke to her during the game, but rules were rules, and unless someone asked her she had to be silent. She wanted to win after all.

Everyone loves winning.

'Still, I found the whole idea a bit unpractical,' he said referring to their lecture.

Vanya didn't reply, and Five carried on. For someone who was disturbed during the whole lecture, he remembered quite a lot about it and continued to ramble his own ideas and assumptions until he processed to talk about his own theory on something completely else. It wasn't the first time that Vanya noticed that he outgrew their other siblings. He was just far more intelligent than any of them. Maybe that was one of the reasons Dad liked him so much. She also noticed that it was pushing him a bit away from the others. The fact that he was so clever. She wondered if he was sometimes lonely too and if he was pushing that loneliness away with theories and knowledge the same way she was with her pills, violin, and game. She wondered if it helped, learning new things, and working on his theories. Did it fill his mind enough to get the loneliness out?

Maybe she just made it up. Five was loved by his fans and accepted by their siblings, and praised by their Dad. He was confident, clever and he knew it. How could he be lonely?

'Well,' he said finally as Vanya silently half-listened to his rambling, 'This was surprisingly more productive than I assumed it would be.'

She noticed he didn't take her notes like she expected and nicely put them to the exact spot they were before on her tiny desk, 'Thank you, Seven.'

She was surprised by that. Five never thanked or apologized for anything. He didn't believe in that sort of thing, at least Vanya assumed so before. Maybe he was in a particularly good mood. It wasn't like she could tell. She didn't know him. She didn't know any of her siblings, just like they didn't know her.

Five turned around and went to leave before he paused and turned around, 'Vanya.'

It was only a day since they got their names, and everyone had trouble accepting them. Five had the most which must have been the reason he refused his and told Dad and Mom he wished to keep his previous name. Dad showed little interest in his defiance, and Mom never seemed too upset or bothered by anything.

She watched him leave before she had to go and close to the door because the tears started falling down her face so she needed to take another pill. He talked for over half an hour and not once did he notice she was silent the whole time.

They only come to you if they need something.

She swallowed the pill dry, opened the door, and went to lay on the bed. She won again. She was the best in the game. Everyone lost. She won. She didn't cry anymore. The pill took it away. Maybe if someone asked her what was she good at the next time she could say she was good at being quiet all day long.

If anyone asks her...

The next day, she went back to talking. On her way to the library, she noticed Five's door was a bit open now as well. It was a first since usually, he had them closed like the rest of them.

Vanya walked to it and knocked finding Five by his wall working on something before he looked at her blinking confused why she was there.

'Yes? What do you want?' his words might have sounded mean, but he looked confused more than anything so she tried not to take it personally. He hated it when someone disturbed him.

'You're welcome,' she said with a tight smile before she left not waiting for his reaction. She didn't have it in her to spoil the game just yet.

She played the game a lot. Why stop when you're on the roll? Maybe she wanted to lose just once so she would see what it would do, but she never did.

Five started to talk to her, not with her, but to her. He could ramble for hours about his theories, about Dad, about their siblings. He needed to vent. He needed to be heard. He needed to let it all out, so he talked and talked and Vanya stayed silent and listened and not listened. Sometimes she felt grateful that he came and talked other times she was upset with him a bit because of it because no one else would come when he was talking, and not even he could beat her in the game.

Ben once tried to get in, but Five stopped him with his eyebrows wrinkled and his voice harsh, 'Can't you see we're in the middle of something?'

Five was in the middle of trying to explain his time traveling idea while Vanya was in the middle of counting how many times he would use the word time in his monologue. So far she had one-hundred and two and counting.

She offered Ben an apologizing smile on Five's behave before he left. She tried to look upset at Five, either he knew she wouldn't say anything or ignored the look.

Even if sometimes he asked, 'Are you going to say something?'

Or 'Any input?'

He never waited for an answer, and he never noticed that she was quiet or asked her why she wasn't talking.

Vanya wondered if he was doing that on purpose. If perhaps he was afraid he would lose his confidant and enjoyed her more like this, as a quiet sister sitting and listening to his brilliant ideas without a single word. Someone who didn't tell him to shut up already or who told him to leave. Someone who was just the perfect listener.

Vanya was always the winner of her little game. Even if Five was talking and even if sometimes he would look at her a bit confused why she wasn't saying anything or he would ask, 'Am I boring you?'

He never asked the key question, and Vanya never spoke first losing the game. She just shook her head motioning for him to continue. It was all it used to take for Five to continue to talk.

Would anyone notice if you disappear one day?

'Are you alright?' he asked her one day. She wasn't playing the game that day, she even commented on his theory for once.

'Why wouldn't I be?' she asked confused wondering if it was because she spoke. Maybe he really did only like to talk to her when she was mute. Maybe he needed like when talked. Maybe she should play the game all the time.

'You just...,' he started but didn't finish something in his eyes was different. Not Five. Not confident or sure like he usually was.

Vanya wasn't sure what it was, but it was different.

They both waited, looking at one another in silence, not playing the game for once until Mom came to announce dinner.

Five looked at Mom and then back at her until she left to go tell the others before he said, 'I know I'm usually the one doing the talking, but if...if you, uh, if you ever want to talk about something. You can.'

He looked a bit away almost embarrassed which she allowed herself to find kind of cute, 'You can talk to me, I mean. I would hear you out.'

Vanya didn't know what to say to him. Those weren't the rules. He was supposed to ask the question on his own. Otherwise, they would both lose. Someone had to be the winner! Even if it would be him.

She got off the bed, the words burning her throat, but not coming out. She wasn't playing today, but sometimes she couldn't talk even if it wasn't a game. Sometimes it was just her who couldn't talk. All her. She couldn't control it, and it made her feel ridiculous and weak. Weaker than the others. Everyone always looked so composed even someone as goofy as Klaus or lacking grace as Diego or dramatic as Allison. They probably never needed a pill or a silly game to make them feel like they wouldn't fall apart in the next moment. They were strong and they could deal with their anxieties and emotions on their own unlike her. Maybe that was why she couldn't speak, she didn't want to lose the game. What would she be without it? And without her pills? Would she even be herself? Wasn't this who she was?

And so Vanya didn't say anything, instead, she quickly took and squeezed his hands feeling her face warming up before she pressed her lips against his cheek. She wasn't sure if it was a thank you or an apology. And she didn't have it in her to wait and find out what Five thought.

She let go and rushed downstairs to dinner. She didn't give away the game.

After all, they weren't playing, and Five didn't ask the question.

But something did change. The next time she played the game, Five came to her room without a single word and just watched her for a couple of moments before he laid down on her bed their heads upside down from one another as they stared at Vanya's ceiling. He didn't say a word just watched it with her his face close enough to hers that she could feel his warmth and hear his breath loud and clear. It was almost soothing.

She wondered if he was playing a game of his own. She wondered if he wanted her to ask him so he would lose. But didn't he know that it would cause her to lose as well? Someone had to be the winner. Even if it would be her again, she didn't have it in her to throw away the game.

Five rolled to his side at one open his face looking a bit funny as it was upside down looking at her before he leaned closer and kissed her forehead without a comment or an explanation, 'If you want to...talk about something I'm here.'

However touched or warm she felt by the kiss, it all got vacuumed out of her as she realized, he didn't understand the game. Not one bit if he thought she wanted or chose to play it.

She kept to her side fishing out the pills from her pocket before she took one not even bothering to sit up while she swallowed it.

Even if Five cared, he didn't understand.

Vanya used to think them not caring was the worst thing possible, but she realized them not understand was far worse. If the people who care didn't understand, who would?

The next day she was fine, and even if Five asked her if she was okay, he didn't ask why she wasn't talking. She just shyly took his hand in hers on top of her bed and asked him to talk to her pretending it was enough. Pretending it would be enough to be talked to and to be cared for. Pretending she could stop to play the game or chose not to play it the other day.

The problem was she was never good at pretending.

Then came the day, when Five looked at her during lunch as he asked once again father about time traveling, and she knew he wanted her to say something more than anything, but she was playing the game. She was playing the game, so she couldn't talk.

And so Vanya just shook her head knowing it wouldn't be enough to make him stay.

And then he was gone, and once again Vanya won. She always won the silence game.

Would anyone notice if you disappear one day?

Vanya continued to play the violin and the game. Time went on. She left the house, finished school, got a job, wrote a book, buried her father, found out about her powers, almost ended the world, and carried on. There was a brief moment when she didn't need to play when she thought Leonard would finally be the person who would always want to talk to her and know when she was quiet, but then he was gone and she returned to the game.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everything was great after that? Wouldn't it be just amazing if after she reconnected with her family she never had to play the game again? It would, but it didn't work that way.

She still played the game from time to time. Not even her colleagues notice. No one did. She always won the game.

She returned from work without having to talk to anyone. She barely nodded when Five asked if she wanted coffee in the morning. It was even easier to play the game when she had to go to work.

Her siblings were just as broken as she was so it was no wonder on some days no one made a fuss about her. Everyone dealt with their own trauma. She understood a long time ago that she couldn't blame hers on them just as she couldn't expect them to fix her. She couldn't do anything for them either.

'You've been quiet today at dinner,' said Five as she was on her way to her room. Since her room was gone, she took the spare room. It was bigger. Bigger than she was used to. Too big at times. Too empty. Too lonely.

Her siblings and she had an agreement that for the time being they would live under the same roof until they figured things out. Things like her and her powers and her pills which she started to take again. How could she not if the other possibility was her destroying the world?

It caused her to pause. But that was the thing about playing and winning for so long, Vanya didn't know how to lose. And if someone would ask her why she wasn't talking, she honestly didn't know what she would tell them. She didn't know anymore. She must have lost the answer a long time ago.

So Vanya just shrugged her shoulder gripped the bottle of her pills tighter inside her palm and walked into her room closing the door. Sometimes she was allowed to cheat. It was her game after all.

But the thing about Five was that he was a cheater as well, so he jumped into her room without an invitation walking toward her as she put her violin case and bag on the bed.

He looked different, unsure. It was a strange look on him, but then again, he was Five. He wasn't much for talking about feelings which was what she assumed he wanted to talk about. He looked like a fish out of the water as he paced around her room. She almost wished he would leave as much as she wished he would stay. The conflict was ripping her insides in half. She was never good with situations. She always felt too awkward, and strange, different even among people with no powers. Now she knew why. She didn't belong to the Umbrella Academy, but she also didn't belong to the regular people with no powers. The pills helped to numb it all away. All of her pains, her mistakes, her fears, and even her powers. They were the only thing apart from winning the game she could count on.

'You've also had been quiet a week ago, and when we were younger,' he started looking anywhere but her. She wished she could leave, but she didn't want anyone else to catch them in the hallway.

They used to be close. She used to think he could ask her and make her lose her game, but he didn't understand. He cared. He used to, but he didn't understand, and he didn't ask the question. And now he didn't care and now they weren't close. And now Vanya wished he would leave the room, and her alone, and yet maybe she didn't...maybe not really. She didn't know anymore.

'Some days, you-you don't talk,' he said as a matter of fact, but with his usual confidence and cockiness was gone, it sounded nothing like the Five she knew. She remembered a long time ago, he sounded like that as well like he was close to winning the game, but she wouldn't let him. Then again maybe he wasn't. He never asked her after all, he used to think it was her choice, that she wanted to play the game. Didn't he know she didn't have a choice? She never did. She just needed to play the game.

He looked unsure of what he wanted to say, of what he was saying, and so was Vanya.

'Vanya, why aren't you talking?' he asked softly barely louder than a whisper, but it counted. For her, it counted. Those were the rules. Those were the rules of her silence game. Of the game, she couldn't stop playing. Of the game, she always had to win, until now at least...

But even if she knew she lost, and he won, even if she knew it was over she couldn't help but shook her head tears falling down her cheeks as she pulled the bottle of pills out of her pocket ready to take one like she always did when she was feeling too emotional. Now even more as she knew her being emotional could resolve in ending the world where Five was forced to live in for decades.

She tried to open it, but the lid wouldn't move, and she grew frustrated with her struggles trying harder before she saw Five's hands appear on her own covering them. Since when did Five's hands get so big to be able to cover hers? Since when did they get so big, or so strong to stop her? Since when he did care enough? Since when did he understand?

She looked up at him.

'No pills today, alright?' he asked and actually waited until she didn't nod.

'Talk to me?' he asked again his voice uncharacteristically soft, and it was almost too much for her to handle before she nodded, 'O-okay.'

She really did lose this game this time.

So Vanya talked. She told Five about the game and explained the rules. Talking about it out loud made it sound silly, but Five didn't look like he judged her or mocked the idea. He waited for her until she was done before he started to talk. It wasn't like when they were younger. This time he let her talk, argue, and have her own opinion. Not taking a pill helped to keep her mind clear even if the furniture around them shook from time to time.

She would like to say she didn't play the game anymore, but she still did it from time to time. It wasn't easy to let go of the idea of how long would it take for someone to care enough to notice she was silent, but with time her siblings started to comment on her being quiet picking up on the fact as well. Maybe they always did, but they thought it was her choice rather than something she couldn't control.

They never asked why wasn't she talking, but if they said she was being quiet, and if she wanted to lose, she would look at Five and he would put his hand on her elbow and asked her in a hushed voice getting her to talk.

Pills and the game were a part of her for too long for her to just stop. So she played the game, it was sometimes even more fun with Five playing as well. She was probably strange, but Vanya loved losing to him. Other times, he would use it to his amusement as he would purposely ask her question knowing she couldn't answer.

'Personally, I wouldn't talk to those idiots all day long. You're smarter than me,' he smirked, and she rolled her eyes before she kissed his cheek again.

She especially loved losing to him when afterward he would get her to sit down next to him and just talk about whatever the hell she wanted to, nonstop, about anything seemingly ridiculous or unimportant. He would just sit with her and let her talk. Maybe she wouldn't need the silence game soon, or maybe she would always need it, but for now, it was good to know at least one person noticed, at least one person cared. And most importantly understood. Maybe it could be enough.

Koniec

A.N: I wrote this a while ago, but I didn't feel like posting it until now. Thanks for reading and I can't really say anything else about this story. I hope everyone is okay. Have a nice day