Trigger warning for discussions of sexual assault and rape.

All mistakes are mine!

Last Time

Sam typed in her GDO code and walked up to the gate. She glanced behind her to be sure Cam, Teal'c, and Daniel were following before stepping through. She walked down the ramp and turned to leave the gate room without glancing up at General Landry.

"Welcome back, SG-1. Did you find what you were looking for?"

Cam looked up. "Not exactly, sir." His eyes slide to Sam's retreating figure. He knows Daniel and Teal'c are watching her as well.

Landry looks at them watching her and knows something has gone wrong. "Debrief as soon as medical releases you."

"Yes, sir." The men of SG-1 follow Sam to the infirmary.

Sam sits on a gurney with her back rigidly straight. A nurse comes over and puts a thermometer in her mouth as she takes her pulse. Sam lets the exam proceed like normal until Carolyn comes over just as her teammates appear.

"Welcome back, Colonel." When Carolyn makes eye contact, she can see a bruise developing on Sam's face. "Looks like you ran into a little trouble this time."

Sam swallows. "I need a full STD panel."

Carolyn stops moving and looks into Sam's eyes. "Colonel."

Sam says it again in a whisper. "I need a full STD panel."

"I see." Carolyn hugs Sam's chart to her chest. "Was the sexual contact consensual?"

Sam tries to stop her chin from trembling. Brief guilt at agreeing seized her. Sam shook her head no.

"Alright." Caroline looked back at the rest of SG-1 trying to pretend like they weren't watching. "Let's move to a different room." Sam follows her as requested, forcing herself to ignore her teammates' eyes, which she can feel following her. Carolyn pats the bed in the isolation room. "It's just us."

"Thank you."

Carolyn sat the file down. "You know I'll need to do a full rape kit."

Sam's eyes widen slightly. "There's really no point. It isn't like we'll be able to arrest him off-world."

"I understand that but protocol in this situation requires that I also eliminate your teammates from consideration."

"No." Sam's head shook. "There's no way they would…"

Carolyn put her hand on Sam's arm. "I know and I'm sorry. If it helps their genetic profiles are already on file so they'll never know." Sam closed her eyes. "I'll need you to get undressed and put on a gown. I'll be back in a minute."

Sam sat still on the gurney as Carolyn quietly closed the door. The enormity hit her all of a sudden. A shudder ran through her as she slipped her jacket off. When she heard Carolyn talking in the hall, she quickly tore off the rest of her clothes, throwing them in a pile on the ground and put on the gown.

There was a knock on the door. "Ready?"

"Yes, come on in."

Sam laid back as the nurse put down a tray and helped Carolyn get everything set up. "Place your feet up here and scoot down to the end of the table please." Sam did as she was instructed. She closed her eyes and did her best to ignore what was happening even as Carolyn described each step. "I'm all done. You can scoot back."

Sam breathed a sigh of relief as she slid back up. "I can give you a set of scrubs if you'd like something else to wear." Carolyn glanced over at the clothes on the floor.

Sam followed her line of sight. "I've got another set of clothes in my locker."

"You could wear scrubs to the locker room." Sam nodded. The nurse quietly slipped out to get the scrubs. "I'll set up an appointment for you to see Dr. Morrison." Sam knew she would be required to see a psychiatrist but hearing it still made her flinch. "I'll take a little extra time finishing the guys check-ups so you can get a shower and change before your debriefing."

"Thank you." Sam avoided eye contact, not wanting to see the pity she feared.

When she arrived in the briefing room the rest of the team were already in their seats and General Landry was in his office on the phone. She took the empty seat beside Teal'c. Daniel had watched her walk across the room and kept his eyes on her as she sat down. "Sam."

"I'm fine Daniel." She gave him a head nod that she hoped would cut off anything else Daniel might say.

"Sam, I…"

"Don't Daniel."

Cam stood first and Sam followed as General Landry entered the room. "At ease." They all sat down. "Based on the bruises I'm assuming this mission didn't go smoothly."

Cam shook his head. "Not exactly, sir."

"So, tell me what happened."

Cam scanned his teammates, none of whom made eye contact with him. "The warehouse looked the same as we'd seen on the M.A.L.P. but after the gate closed about fifteen men with weapons stood up from behind the crates. We were surrounded and they didn't seem too interested in talking."

"So, the address we got from the Jaffa wasn't to a weapons cache?" Landry addressed Cameron.

"Oh, it was. We walked right into the middle of a stockpile for an illegal weapons merchant. Thanks to the arrival of the M.A.L.P. they knew we were coming, and they were ready."

"It was a trap." Landry turned to Teal'c.

"I fear that may have been the intent of this information. I promise you all I will fully investigate who did this and retribution will be enacted."

Landry ignored Teal'c's threat and turned back to Cameron. "What happened once you were captured?"

"The usual questions, why are you here, what do you want, how did you find us." Cam tapped his pen on his notepad. "We of course didn't give them the answers they wanted so there was a bit of roughing up."

"I can see that." Landry looked from Cam to Daniel and then Sam and Teal'c, taking a quick inventory of their bruises and minor cuts. "How did you escape?"

Daniel and Cam looked down at the table. Teal'c stared at the wall in front of him. Sam linked her hands together on the table. "I negotiated a deal with the leader of the operation."

"A deal?" Landry looked at Sam's profile. "What were they interested in?"

"Me."

Landry's head tilted and his eyes narrowed. "Excuse me."

Cam snapped the pen in his hand. "He was very interested in Sam."

Landry looked from Cam's broken pen to Sam as the tension in the room increased. "I see."

The saliva in Sam's mouth increased and she knew she wasn't going to win the battle, so she suddenly bolted from the table and left the room. She made it to the closest bathroom and threw open the stall door just in time. She used toilet paper to wipe off her lips before she flushed. She took a moment to just sit and let a second wave of nausea pass. Once she felt a bit better, she pushed herself up and went to the sink. She washed out her mouth and wet a paper towel to wipe off her face and neck. She wasn't surprised to see Cam, Daniel, and Teal'c waiting for her in the hall.

"General Landry said he'd heard enough. Dismissed us and told us to take a few days. Said he didn't want to see us back until at least the bruises were gone." Cam gave her a halfhearted smile.

"I see." Sam looked down for a moment.

Daniel stepped forward. "Sam, what can I do to help?"

She looked up at all three men and saw how they were avoiding looking into her eyes. "This was easier last time when we all just pretended it didn't happen." She turned and walked away from them.

"Last time?" Daniel looked from Cam to Teal'c. "What did she mean by last time?"

"Are you really that naive, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c walked away, leaving a confused Daniel in his wake.

Daniel turned to Cam. "What are they talking about?"

Cam shrugged. "You really never wondered what happened when Sam was kidnapped, and she was wearing a different dress when you found her?"

"Huh?" Daniel's eyes widened. "You mean Turghan? OH GOD! NO!"

Cameron's eyes narrowed. "You really didn't know?"

Daniel leaned back against the wall. "No." His eyes flitted from right to left before he looked over at Cam. "How did you know?"

Cam sighed. "I read all the mission reports and although it wasn't stated specifically, I could tell it was a possibility." Cam left Daniel leaning on the wall. Daniel thought back over that mission and those first few days back and he still couldn't see it. Daniel wandered aimlessly for fifteen minutes until he ended up at his office. He sat at his desk as the fog in his brain pressed down on him. He picked up the phone.

"Hey, Daniel."

"Jack."

He could hear the distress in Daniel's tone. "What's up, Daniel?"

"Did you know?"

"Did I know what?"

"Turghan."

Jack put down the folder in his hand. "Daniel, where is this coming from?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Jack's assistant looked into his office and Jack waved him off. "It wasn't my story to tell."

"Oh, please." Daniel scoffed. "At least tell me you took care of her?"

"I made sure she got psychiatric help."

"You know that isn't what I mean. Did you help her through it?"

"We barely knew each other." Jack rubbed his hand over his face. "Things were different back then."

"Right." Daniel's disgust was evident.

"Daniel, why is this coming up now?" Jack waited but Daniel stayed frustratingly silent. "Daniel?"

"We were captured."

"What?" Jack's stomach dropped at the implication.

"We were captured." Daniel swallowed. "She saved us."

"She's good at that."

"Yeah, she is." Daniel wiped his eyes. "You need to come home."

"Daniel, what happened?"

Daniel couldn't stop the tears from silently sliding down his cheeks. "It's not my story to tell." He hung up on Jack, knowing he couldn't say any more.

Jack immediately called Sam, but his call went to her voice mail. He picked up his office phone and dialed his old office. Walter answered and said he would put him through to Landry immediately.

"Good afternoon, Jack."

"Hank." Jack gripped the phone tightly. "What happened?"

"They were captured."

"And?"

"Colonel Carter secured their freedom. Based on what Colonel Mitchell told me if it hadn't been for her, they would have been dead before we would have even known there was a problem."

"How?"

"Jack?"

"How did she secure their release?"

"I didn't ask for specifics and she hasn't written a report yet."

"Hank."

"I'm sorry I can't tell you more Jack, but we've both been doing this long enough to know some things are better not officially reported."

"Right. Thanks Hank."

As soon as Jack hung up his phone his assistant was in his doorway. "Sir, Mr. Martin is here."

Jack punched Sam's number again but didn't hit go. "Give me five and then let him in."

"Yes, sir."

"And get me a flight to Colorado Springs as soon as possible."

"Sir?"

"And clear my calendar for the rest of the week."

"But you've got a meeting with…"

"I don't care. Make it happen."

"Yes, sir."

Jack pressed dial as soon as his assistant stepped out of his doorway. His call again went to voicemail.

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Jack parked his rental behind Sam's car. The light shining through the kitchen window gave him hope that she hadn't taken off on her bike to clear her head. As he walked up the drive he decided to proceed softly, not sure what to expect when he got inside. He knocked gently as he used his key to open the front door. "Sam?"

He didn't get an answer, so he moved towards the living room. "Sam? Are you home?"

"Who called you?" She was laying on the sofa.

"Daniel."

She closed her eyes. "Of course."

He sat his bag down and moved around in front of the sofa. "He said your last mission was FUBAR." She didn't make room for him to sit so he took the chair across from the sofa.

"Nothing new for us."

"Maybe not, but he seemed pretty rattled."

"You know how much Daniel likes to be roughed up."

"Does he have more bruises than you?"

Sam's hand floated up to her face. "You know how he doesn't shut up when he should. Every time he tried to ask another question or explain something, they hit him."

"Maybe he'll learn one day." Jack saw the empty tumbler on the coffee table. It looked like there might be remnants of orange juice in the glass. At this hour that meant vodka was probably involved. Sam occasionally enjoyed a glass of wine or a craft beer when she got home, but it was unusual for her to drink liquor when she was home alone. "Have you eaten dinner?"

It was well past dinner time so she could have easily lied but she shook her head no. "I wasn't hungry."

"Well, I'm famished and all they gave me on the flight was a tiny package of pretzels."

"It's a bit late to order delivery."

"Any chance you've got something in the kitchen I can fix?"

Sam snorted. "Feel free to look."

Jack left her and went to explore. "How about breakfast for dinner?"

"Do you even know what time it is?"

Jack glanced at his watch. "Well that's perfect. By the time I get done it will technically be morning." He kept his tone upbeat and light as he started collecting the ingredients. "My omelets are great any time of day!"

When he finished cooking, he brought her a plate with an omelet and toast. He dug into his breakfast while she looked at the plate sitting on the coffee table. "It's not wine, it doesn't get better with age."

She glares at him but does sit up and eat a few bites. It's enough to get him off her case. After Jack cleans up their plates, he finds she's laid back down on the sofa. Even though he is on East Coast time he's tired so he hopes she's ready to get some sleep also. What he isn't sure about is whether she wants to share a bed with him, and he knows the decision has to be hers.

"Why don't you go to bed while I turn off everything and check the doors?"

Sam glanced at him before looking away again. "I'm not tired. I'm going to stay here for a bit longer."

"Alright." Jack looked around the room. "In that case, do you mind if I go to bed? I'm pretty tired."

"Of course not." She continued to avoid eye contact. "Sleep well."

He checked the doors before taking his bag into the master bedroom, not wanting to do anything different than usual and imply something between them had changed. He also figured this left the choice of joining him or not up to her. It took him several minutes to fall asleep because he was listening for Sam to move around, possibly even come to bed.

When he woke he laid still, getting his bearings. He listened but only heard silence, not the soft snoring Sam does when she is relaxed or overly tired. He looked over to Sam's side of the bed and was saddened to see it was empty. He quietly got up and took a quick shower. When he padded into the living room, he found her asleep on the sofa. He made a pot of coffee and got the paper. He poured a bowl of cereal before realizing the milk had soiled. Boring cereal wasn't any good without milk, so he found a cereal bar and ate it with his coffee while he worked on a grocery list. Sam woke as he was finishing the list.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Morning." She moved over to the coffee pot. "Thanks for making coffee."

"My pleasure. I'm heading to the grocery store in a bit. Wanna go with me?"

"Thanks, but I'd rather not." She took her coffee cup to the living room and turned on the morning news. Jack watched her for a few minutes before making a quick trip to the bathroom.

He came back out and sat beside Sam on the sofa as he put on his shoes. "Anything special I can get you from the store."

She shook her head. "Nothing I can think of."

"Marshmallows?"

He saw the pause before she shook her head. "No, that's ok."

When he patted her knee, she looked down at his hand. He took his hand off her and stood up. "I'll try to be quick."

When he got back, she was watching one of the mind-numbing morning talk shows that seemed to focus on little more than food, clothes, and make-up. He seriously doubted she was really interested. When he sat down beside her, he initially stretched his arm out along the back of the sofa but when she stayed on the far side away from him, he pulled his arm back. When the soap operas came on, he made them sandwiches. After he cleaned up, he spent a couple hours reading emails and making phone calls. When he came back into the living room, he found her asleep, so he turned off the television and went to sit on her porch. He tried to enjoy the warmth of the afternoon sun as he worried about how or even if to talk to her about what Daniel insinuated happened. Once the sun fell behind the mountain Jack went back inside and put a frozen lasagna in the oven. When he got back into the living room, he found Sam was sitting up watching him.

"I hope lasagna sounds good. I bought garlic bread too."

Sam tilted her head to the side. "Why are you here?"

He moved closer to the sofa, but she didn't make room for him, so he took the chair again. "I want to be helpful."

"This isn't the first time I've come home bruised."

"No, it isn't." He reached out for her hand. "And I worry every time." He wrapped his fingers around her hand.

She glanced down at their hands. "You're here because you think this time was different."

He hesitated. "Yes."

"Well, you're wrong. It was just another ass kicking."

"Really?" He made no attempt to hide his disbelief.

"Yes." She stood up, pulling her hand away. "I'm fine." She left him sitting alone. He heard water running in the bathroom, so he turned on the television while he waited on the oven timer. While they ate dinner, he told her about some of the proposed projects that had come across his desk. She helped him work through the ideas and after dinner she pitched in to clean the kitchen. They watched a movie and the news sitting apart on the sofa. Neither made any move to touch the other. After the news Jack turned off the television.

"You take the bed."

"Thanks." Sam cleaned up quickly and climbed into bed while he used the bathroom.

He moved to the door of her bedroom. "Good night, Sam." She looked small in her bed alone and he wanted to go to her, but he also needed her to know she was in control. He went across the hall to Cassie's room and forced himself to sleep.

They spent the next two days tiptoeing around each other. He made a flight reservation for Sunday afternoon, even though she wasn't acting like herself yet. He hated leaving her, but he wasn't sure his presence was really helping. Maybe time alone was what she needed, it worked last time. As he stood in her hall with his bag, he looked longing at her. He wanted to kiss her good-bye, but he also didn't want to make her uncomfortable. He shifted his weight from foot to foot as he hoped she would come to him, but she stayed more than an arm's length away.

"I'll call when I get back to D.C." He gave her a forced smile.

"Good." She nodded.

"You know you can call me anytime you need me."

"I know and as I've been telling you for days I'm fine."

He nodded. "I know. I just wish I believed you." He turned and left. As promised, he called when he got to D.C., but he got her answering machine. It made worry settle hard in his gut, but he forced himself to push it aside.

He called her again the next day, but he again got her answering machine. He tried to tamp down on his worry, knowing she could take care of herself. When he got her answering machine again that night his mind was flooded with images of her hurt or worse. He barely slept. The next morning, he broke a couple regulations by having her locator chip traced. She was on the move. Maybe a road trip was what she needed. He checked on her a couple times during the day and saw she'd stopped for the night before he went home. He slept a little better knowing she was at least alive. He trusted her to know what she needed, including space away from him.

She was on the move again by the time he got to work the next morning. By afternoon she'd stopped in Minnesota. Right in his neck of the woods. Did she know he'd be watching? Was this her way of calling out to him? Was this the only place she knew where she could get away from everyone, including him? He watched the blinking dot on the screen that told him she'd sought sanctuary in his cabin. Conflict tore at him.

On Thursday night he took a flight and rented a truck, arriving at his cabin just after midnight. The cabin was dark, so he worried he'd been wrong about her being here, until his headlights flashed on her bike. The thought of her driving this far on her bike left him shaking his head. He quietly opened the front door, used the guest bathroom, and laid down in the guest room. He woke to the smell of coffee.

He made a quick stop in the bathroom and brushed his teeth before moving out to the kitchen. "Good morning."

She looked at him through her lashes. "You're lucky I didn't shoot you sneaking in like that last night."

"You'd never be so careless with a weapon."

She scoffed.

He got a pop tart out of the cabinet and put in the toaster. He opened the refrigerator and found it mostly empty. "You didn't stop for groceries on the way here?"

"Can't fit much on my bike."

"Right." He leaned against the counter and looked at her while he waited for the toaster to ding. "I'd think the last thing you'd want to do while on vacation is eat MREs."

"Vacation." Her disgust at his description of her time off was evident. "Not exactly what I'd call it." She took her coffee to the living room.

He followed her, sitting across the room from her. "Why did you come here?" He looked around his small cabin. "Why did you pick my little sanctuary?"

"It seemed like the appropriate place for it to end."

A wave of tension ran through him. "It?" Did she mean her life? Was she really that messed up? Did she mean them? Did she think they couldn't weather this?

She closed her eyes. "Us, Jack. Us." She turned her head as she opened her eyes, looking out towards the small lake.

His hands balled into fists. "There's no reason for this to tear us apart."

"Oh please!" Her head spun back towards him. "I slept with another man! There's no way this can survive that kind of betrayal!"

He slowly stood and moved across the room, kneeling down in front of her. His face did not betray the pain this caused but she heard his knees crack. "You didn't betray anyone. You were raped Sam." His hand cupped her face.

Tears gathered in her eyes as she looked away from him. "Is that what Daniel told you?"

"Sam?" She pulled her face away from his hand and drew her legs up until she was curled into the corner of the sofa. He moved up and sat next to her. "Talk to me." He reached for her again but pulled back when she flinched. "Please, Sam."

She crossed her arms over her bent knees and leaned her head on them. "He was interested in me. A lot." She let out a slow breath. "He would touch me between blows, as if he was caressing me." She rolled her shoulders. "He was hitting the guys much harder than he was hitting me and there were at least fifteen men with guns pointed at us. We had no real chance of escaping and we weren't supposed to check in for a couple hours. I wasn't sure we would all make it that long."

"Let me guess, Daniel kept talking."

Sam snorted. "Cam can't seem to shut up either." She peeked at him over her arm. "Reminds me another team leader who always tried to take the brunt of the punishments."

Jack shrugged. "I have no idea what you mean."

"Right." She lifted her head and looked back out at the lake. "He put a gun to Daniel's head." He let her sit in silence, knowing she was seeing it all happening again. She swallowed a couple times before picking up the story. "He was going to kill Daniel. I had no doubt, so I offered him an alternative."

"An alternative?"

"I offered myself in exchange for our freedom and our stuff." Jack looked down and away from her, trying to process what she meant. "He wouldn't let us have out weapons, but I got him to include a GDO in the deal."

"The deal?"

Sam wrapped her arms around her chest. "Yes, I let him have sex with me to secure our freedom and a GDO." There was no emotion in her words. She said it as if she was ordering take out.

Jack sat completely still, processing her words. Acid crawled up his esophagus as he thought about her having to make this decision. She'd let some creep touch her. She'd let him inside her. He knew she'd done this out of a desperation to save her team, her best friends. He pushed up from the sofa and moved to the window. "You did what you had to do."

She looked at his back. His shoulders were stiff, and his back was rigid. "That doesn't really change anything. I offered myself to him. I cheated on you."

"No." He turned back towards her. "No, you were raped. You didn't flirt with some random guy in a bar and have an affair. You were trapped between a rock and a hard place and you made a horrible choice that resulted in saving your team."

"It sounds good when you say it like that, but we both know you'll never be able to see me the same again."

"You mean as a beautiful, smart, kick ass Colonel who always saves the day, even if she has to hurt herself to do it."

Tears built in her eyes again. "Jack."

He moved back over and sat beside her. "This doesn't change anything for me." He put his arm on the back of the sofa, opening himself to her. "But I am terrified at the thought of losing you. I need you, Sam." His fingers twitched as he fought to stop himself from touching her. "I love you." It was a whisper, but she heard him.

"But I cheated on you."

"No, damn it! You didn't!" His flare of anger surprised them both. "I'm sorry. I just...I won't accept you trying to take the blame for this."

"There isn't anyone else to blame."

"Of course there is. What kind of bastard puts you in that position? He's a disgusting rapist." Jack blew out a long slow breath. "You were a victim."

"I let him do it."

He reached out and used one finger to turn her face towards him. "You had no choice." He looked into her teary eyes. "You were a victim." He wiped one tear that managed to escape her eye. "I love you and I'll do anything I can to help you through this. Together we're strong enough to survive this."

Her chin was trembling as she forced herself to maintain eye contact with him. She could see the truth and strength behind his words. "Jack."

"Sam. Please." He cupped her face again, gently nudging her closer. After a brief pause, she collapsed against him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. He threaded his fingers through her hair as she began to sob.

"I am so sorry, Jack." Her tears had soaked through the shoulder of his shirt. "I am so sorry."

He began a rhythmic rocking. "You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing." He held her until her tears stopped and her breathing evened out.

She curled up, with her knees on his lap and her head on his shoulder pressing against his neck. "I thought…" She laced her finger through his and looked down at their united hands. "When you kept your distance, I thought you were done with me...with us."

"You know I'm crap at knowing the right thing to do." He squeezed her hand. "I was trying to give you space. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

She snorted. "We are quite the pair." She scooted a millimeter closer. "Are you sure? I mean..."

"I'm positive, Sam." He kissed the top of her head.

She felt safe for the time in almost two weeks as she allowed herself to relax against him. "I'll go to the psychiatrist when I get back."

"Good." He kissed her forehead.

She tilted her head and looked up at him. "The guys may need to go too."

He searched her face. "Really?"

"None of them agreed with my decision but…" She bit her lower lip. "Teal'c and Cam understood...I think." She shook her head. "But Daniel…" Jack's fingers pressed into her back. "I stayed quiet because I knew they could hear everything, but Daniel still threw up while it was happening."

"Of course he did." She could tell by Jack's tone that he wasn't judging Daniel but was in fact agreeing with him. "I can't blame him. There's no way I could have…" He closed his eyes, trying to stop himself from imagining her being taken away knowing what was about to happen.

A shiver ran through Sam. "Don't ever say that around them. They tried to fight and they were willing to die to stop it, but I couldn't let that happen and if you'd been there I would've made the same choice to keep you alive."

"I know but…" Jack took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're right, I'll talk to Hank and make sure they get a couple visits too."

"Thank you." She pushed back from him. "I'm a bit hungry."

"Well we can't let that happen. How about we go to town for brunch and then get some real food at the grocery store?"

"I like it when we have a plan." She gave him a light kiss on the lips. "Even if it rarely works out the first time."

After their trip Jack started a fire and put on a movie. When Sam fell asleep on the sofa Jack turned off the television and went out to the deck. He pulled his cell phone out and dialed Hank.

"Afternoon, Jack."

"Hank."

"I'm guessing you read the reports."

"I did." Jack looked out over his pond, hoping for some of the peace it usually brought him.

"She treaded a fine line in what she wrote." Sam was smart enough to tell the truth in her report without explicitly saying she was raped. An admission like that in print could come back to haunt her in the future.

"She knows how to toe the line." Jack's fingers dug into the arm of his chair.

"Dr. Lam has recommended a psychiatrist's evaluation."

"That's why I'm calling." Jack stretched his legs out in front of him. "She's expecting it, so that won't be a problem."

"Good."

"But I also think the rest of the team needs a visit...or two."

"Really? Dr. Lam didn't mention anything about them."

"Just humor me, ok."

Hank paused, but before Jack felt the need to justify his request Hank agreed. "Can't hurt."

"Thanks, Hank."

"How's she doing?"

"Sleeping right now."

"You know that isn't what I mean, Jack."

"She'll be fine."

"And you?"

Jack was glad Hank couldn't see the worry on his face. "I will be too."

When she woke, they sat on the dock pretending to fish for a while. Neither felt like talking so they just enjoyed the sounds of nature, the buzzing bugs, lapping water, and wind through the leaves. As the sun set, they moved their stuff back to the cabin and started dinner, a frozen pizza and salad. He poured her a glass of wine and got himself a beer while she cut the vegetables. He leaned back against the counter and watched her work, loving the way her hands moved with ease. When the salads were done, she put the knife down and turned around towards him. The way he was looking at her shook her. He loved her. He still loved her. He opened his arms as she stepped up to him, pressing her face against his neck.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"You're welcome, not sure for what but you are most definitely welcome."

She snickered. "For loving me."

"No need to thank me for that." He pulled his head back far enough to see her face. "The way I see it you're stuck with me."

"Lucky me." She said it with genuine love not sarcasm. She reached up and turned his head so she could lightly kiss him. He gently wrapped his arms around her, making sure to not tighten his arms, afraid she would feel trapped. Her hands moved from his neck down to his shoulders. "I won't break."

"I've known that for years." He grinned at her. "You are damn amazing."

She blushed as her hands slid down to his chest. "You're not so bad yourself you know."

"You've always made me look better."

"We made a good team."

He shook his head. "We still make a good team."

Her grin widened. "True." She kissed him again. This time she lingered longer, taking time to feel his lips move against hers. Her arms wrapped back around his neck as she leaned against him. He ran his hands from her hips to her shoulders and back. As she pressed harder against him the timer on the oven buzzed. She pulled her face back and glared at it.

He snickered. "Time to eat."

She sighed. "I'll set the table while you get it out of the oven."

They talked about Cassie, Washington, and general minutia while they ate. Jack did the dishes and found her sipping wine and staring at the fire when he finished.

"Penny for your thoughts."

She looked over at him as he sat beside her, stretching his arm along the back of the sofa. She laid her head on his shoulder. "Do you think Daniel will ever be able to look at me again?"

He kissed the top of her head. "He'll work this out."

She swallowed. "I guess he got over it last time too."

Jack grimaced. "Well, actually, not so much."

Sam sat up and turned towards him. "What do you mean?"

"He didn't apparently know about last time."

"What?" Sam's head shook back and forth. "How did he not? I mean what did he think happened?"

"I don't know."

Her unfocused eyes wandered. "He...he didn't…"

"No."

"Is he really that naive?"

"I guess he was." Jack gently pulled her back against him. "It's my fault. I chose to just ignore it. You seemed ok so I decided to just move on."

"I was ok." She closed her eyes. "It helped that you let me kick his ass, humiliate him in front of his people and his family. All those women saw him lose."

"And this time?"

"This time I…" he gave her a moment. "I volunteered and then had to see the looks on their faces. You never looked at me like I was…" Her voice lowered to a whisper. "You never made me feel weak."

"Because you aren't. You weren't then and you aren't now."

"Daniel doesn't see it that way."

He knew she was right and there was no reason to try and convince her otherwise. He decided it was best to try another angle. "What about Teal'c and Mitchell? What did you see on their faces?"

She stayed silent for several minutes. He hoped she was working through her memories. "They were angry but…"

"But what?" She didn't answer. He tipped her chin up and waited for her to open her eyes. "You saw respect, didn't you?" Tears appeared in her eyes and she subtly nodded. "Because they knew you made a sacrifice for them and even though they wished they could have protected you from it, they also knew they would have done the same for you."

Her head fell to his chest as she lost control of the tears. "They knew what it cost you and they respect you for being willing to save them." His hands rubbed her back. "I respect you for it too." The sound of her choking sobs stabbed him. "I was so scared I'd lose you."

"Wild horses...wild horses." He closed his eyes as he held her close. "I love you, Sam."

"I might not get to kick ass this time, but I have you." She sighed as her tears subsided. "I felt alone last time. I hadn't been in Colorado Springs very long and I didn't really know anyone outside the SGC yet." Her arm slipped a bit tighter around him. "I almost called Jonas but then I decided I wasn't that desperate."

"Thank goodness. I doubt he would have been helpful." His fingers thread through her hair. "I'm sorry I didn't offer you any help."

She snorted. "We hardly knew each other. I wouldn't have felt comfortable baring my soul to my commanding officer."

"Still." He laid his head on hers. "It was my responsibility to make sure you were ok."

"You and General Hammond made sure I got therapy and neither of you ever looked at me differently. You let me come back to work and you didn't kick me off SG-1."

"Kick you off SG-1? Were you worried that could happen?" He felt her tense, but she didn't answer. "Sam?"

"I'd seen it happen before." She found his hand and slid her fingers between his. "My academy roommate was sent home after two of the other cadets raped her and she reported them. A sergeant in the Gulf lost her position after…" He squeezed her hand. "It isn't fair but all too often the woman is punished again because she's seen as weak or vulnerable."

"That's probably part of it but consider also that the men in charge feel like failures and probably overreact in an attempt to protect."

A soft hum escaped her throat. "I'm glad you and General Hammond are wiser than that."

"We...we discussed it, but George was insistent that you were to remain on SG-1, and I fully agreed. Of course, now I know he knew you'd be on the team in 1969. It was completely unfair that he had that little secret."

"If he hadn't known that I wonder…"

"I wouldn't have let you get away. Somebody had to keep Daniel entertained." She lightly slapped him on the chest. "Hey now. That's elder abuse."

"Oh please." Sam scoffed and pushed herself up off his chest. "There's nothing elder about you."

"I'm pretty sure my knees are well past elder."

"There's much more to you than your old knees." Her palms pressed into his thighs as she leaned forward, capturing his lips in a deep kiss. Her tongue teased at his lips and he opened to her, even though he was holding back, since he was unsure where she was headed. She felt his reluctance and pulled back. He saw a brief flash of disappointment on her face as she sat back down beside him.

"Are you…" Sam's hands twisted in her lap. "Do you find me…"

"Sam?"

"I didn't pay much attention to the psychiatrist's bit about helping your partner deal with it since I didn't have a partner last time, but she did say it would take time."

"Take time?"

"For you to be comfortable with me again." She put her hand on his knee. "And that's ok."

"No, Sam, that's not...I don't want to hurt you."

She gave him a slow warm smile. "You won't. I know you won't." She squeezed his knee. "You're worried I'm not ready to have sex again."

He looked at her profile. "Yeah."

"After we temporarily died on the Nox planet I realized I didn't want my last time to be...well you know, but I was low on options. Then you slept with Kynthia and I decided if you could sleep with random aliens, I could find a hookup as well."

"That isn't exactly fair, I was drugged with flowery cake."

She snickered at his protest. "Still, you were my inspiration. I couldn't risk finding someone in Colorado Spring or even Denver, since I didn't need talk about my sex life getting back to base, so I took a weekend and went to Boulder."

"And met a random man?"

She cocked her head to one side and looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Do you think I'd have a hard time meeting someone in a bar?"

"Oh hell no, but I never saw you as a casual screw kinda girl."

Her back straightened and her eyebrows rose. "Pretty rich coming from a screw random aliens who give me STDs that nearly kill me kind of guy."

"I didn't mean to judge, it's just not you."

She pursed her lips. "I refused to die knowing he'd been my last."

"Did it work?"

"It accomplished that goal."

"But?"

She turned towards him, bringing one knee up on the sofa. "Random hook ups are good for a hormonal release but there's no emotional connection."

"Random hook ups huh."

She put her hand on his chest as worry crept into her stomach. "Does that bother you?"

"Yes and no." His hand moved up to his chest and laid over hers. "The thought of you being with other men bothers me, but at the same time the thought of you going out looking for a hook up gets me a little hot, which is also disturbing."

She bit her lower lip. "A little hot, huh?"

"Did you wear your leathers?"

Her eyes widened and a grin spread across her face. "How'd you know?"

"You in tight jeans wearing a leather jacket leaning over a pool table would bring any man to his knees."

"You know I rode here, right?"

"Yep."

"I could go put on my leathers." She saw the pupils in his eyes dilate. "Maybe even just my leathers."

The image in his mind drove him to the edge of his sanity. "Hot damn." He reached out and brought her face down to his, capturing her lips in a deep passionate kiss. Their tongues met in a battle for dominance as Sam's hand slipped under his shirt. A low rumble that she could hear and feel vibrated from his chest. At least she knew his desire for her still existed.

One of his hands threaded through her hair while the other gripped her hip as her tongue drew a line along the roof of his mouth. When she pulled her head back to catch her breath, she was pleased to see his eyes move down to her lips and then lower.

"How about we turn everything off out here and head to bed?" She worried her suggestion would break the spell, giving him time to reconsider.

"You always had the best ideas."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam took a deep breath and let it out slowly before entering Daniel's office. "Hey."

"Sam, hey. I didn't know you were back at work. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing alright but I'm not technically back yet. I've still got a couple days off."

Daniel stood as his head tilted. "Then what are you doing here?"

"I was hoping you might have a little free time."

He looked down at his translation. "This can wait. What do you need?"

"I'd hoped you'd be willing to go to therapy with me." She gave him a tense smile. "We could get lunch too."

He hesitated for a moment and then nodded. "Therapy and lunch sounds good to me."