Out of everybody in the entire world, Izuku Midoriya was unique. Unique in that out of the entire population of the world, he was the only person that didn't have a quirk. While everyone else had some super cool, awesome, unique ability that they could use in their everyday lives, Izuku didn't have one.

He didn't have super strength, he couldn't breathe fire, he couldn't even control small objects. And he sure as hell couldn't create blasts of fire and ice, or even just see really far away. Nothing. Not a damn thing in the whole world to make him special. He was a glass of room temperature water being served alongside sodas that could do more than just quench thirst.

After he started working out, and grew to be a bit on the tall side, his parents tried to get him classified as having a quirk that just made his body good. Naturally, his appendix decided that that was a good time to burst, throwing that idea out of the window. It was beyond apparent that he was simply quirkless.

And so officially, his quirk―because everyone had one―was being quirkless.

Which, considering how his childhood dream was to become a hero, only to realize that he was lacking the one thing that would allow him to become a hero, was deeply traumatic, and probably scarred him for life. Even if his life was now pretty good. At the age of twenty two, he owned his own business providing support items, but he was still just a bit bitter about it.

Especially when he tried dating.

Legit, no one wanted to date the quirkless man because what would happen if their children were quirkless? They'd be social outcasts! Like Izuku was growing up. The longest relationship he had was all of two months and ended when his quirk came up. Beyond that, it was mostly a string of one night stands that were as fun as they were frustrating.

It didn't matter if he was smart, had his own company, had his own place, was physically fit, or anything else. Nothing mattered if he didn't have a quirk. He didn't want to call it depression, rather just a deep loathing frustration over his lot in the world.

Which was why he turned towards vigilantism. The first time he did it had gone well enough, and with his gear he was easily able to beat up some punks. It had been immensely satisfying.

The second time.

Well, that was where he was now.

Currently looking at a knife that had been sunk into his heart by someone that had a quirk that just put knives in hearts or something. He really didn't know, he just had a knife in his heart. With his life coming to an abrupt end Izuku decided to use his last breath to voice the opinion that he had been holding for years.

"Quirks are bullshit."

And just like that he was dead.

So then why could he still think?

More importantly, where was the pain. It wasn't there.

Huh. The knife was gone too. And he looked like he was normal.

Just in a black void.

Was this heaven?

Did quirkless people go to heaven?

"Yep! Everyone can go to heaven if they lead a good enough life!" A woman with short bright blonde hair appeared, sitting at a desk, long flowing white robes draped across her modest body and seemed to be moved by a wind that was not there. A pair of pure white feathery wings extended from her back that looked more functional than Hawks' wings. A golden halo hovered above her head and she wore a very sweet smile on her face. "Though, really as long as you don't murder, rape, enslave, or just be a giant prick, you'll be allowed into heaven. We're a lot more lax than most people think."

The angel, because that's what this had to be, tilted her head and hummed. "We're still looking into the whole corporate corruption thing though, so we're handling that on a case by case basis."

"Oh." Izuku blinked, finding himself sitting across from the rather cute woman. "Is that why I'm here?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean, I own my own business, and I didn't really have any employees, so, am I here for a review or something?"

Maria's shoulders slumped. Wait, how did he know that was her name? She didn't tell him that. Did she? With pursed lips she pulled out a scroll and began to type on it like it was a keyboard. "Oh! So that's what you were up to. Oh wow, you're kind of impressive y'know? But no, that's not why you're here. And besides, we wouldn't need a meeting for you going to heaven! You led a good life, a bit on the grumpy side I suppose, but that's to be expected. Honestly surprised you didn't start drinking. But you did your best to help others. Like, look at this, you helped seven old ladies cross the street! That's like seven more than average!"

The average was zero? Did that mean that people actively hampered old ladies?

"So, umm, then why am I here?" He asked scratching the back of his head.

"Oh uhh." The angel blushed and fiddled her fingers, her blue eyes darting away from him. "Well, you see it's about the whole you thing."

"The whole me thing?"

She nodded. "Yeah, you see you're actually kind of important for like the whole grand plan thing, and you dying in a ditch is super inconvenient, and we really don't want to have to redo the whole plan thing. Again. We finally isolated ourselves from that time traveling girl, so we were really hopeful that everything was going to go as planned for once."

"Oh. And what is the plan?"

"Can't say."

"Why?"

"Arbitrary reasons that the author just doesn't want to talk about."

"What author?"

"Who?"

"What?"

Izuku groaned and pinched his nose. "Okay, fine, well if I'm so important to the plan why didn't I have a quirk? Or something?"

"Ahh," Her blush was making her practically glow. Well more than she actually was. "Well, you see, you were supposed to have a quirk. I mean, everyone was supposed to have a quirk, and well, you uhh, well there was a spill on your paperwork and it was gross so we had to redo it and when we we did it we accidentally left you without a quirk and so you just didn't have a quirk, even though everyone was supposed to have a quirk and you're part of everyone, so uhh, what I'm trying to say is that there was a managerial mistake. And that you weren't supposed to be quirkless."

She let out a breath and then bowed towards him. "I'm so sorry!"

"Should I be mad about that?" He asked really not quite sure what to think of all this. Really. He was still wondering if this was just the same strange, post-death fever dream.

"I mean, I would be, but don't worry! I have it under control and because of everything that's kind of happened to-" The angel looked at her scroll her eyes going wide. "Oh, wow, that's uhh, wow, surprised this isn't a suicide or something, but uhh anyways, I managed to get you some compensation."

"Compensation? Aren't I going to heaven? Do I get like some saint package or something?"

"Nah, like I said you're important to the whole plan thing, so we're basically just going to pretend that you didn't get stabbed." The angel waved her hand at him smiling as she continued to type on her scroll. "But don't worry you'll be compensated to make sure you don't actually die again. Ooh, internet search history, nice."

What? "So if I'm going back does that mean I'm going to get a quirk?"

"Nope, honestly, at this point you getting a quirk would probably just reinforce you doing something stupid and getting yourself killed again. That and it would probably cause a bunch of problems with people in general if you suddenly had a quirk or something. Don't get me wrong, quirks are bullshit, but they're not show up when you're in your twenties, bullshit. And we can't go back and retroactively change it so you always had a quirk because that would change who you are now and who you are now is pretty important so yeah. Sorry. Still no quirk." Maria gave him a lopsided sad smile and shrugged. "Oh wow, you certainly have a type don't you?"

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

"You not getting a quirk or your preference in women?"

"Are you looking at my internet search history?"

"Yep! And I have to say, you have some good taste. I might even save some of these for later."

"Angels look at porn?"

"Yeah! And we fuck too when we're not busy."

Huh. Honestly, he never really thought much about the concepts of angels, or things like religion really, but the idea of something that was supposed to be so cure casually attempting to watching porn and even literally saying the word fuck to talk about fucking. Honestly it was kind of hot.

"Wait, so if angels are real does that mean I'm going to have to start worshiping?" Izuku asked, trying to change the subject off of his porn history.

"Nah, really most of those guys are like pretty wrong to like really wrong, besides, you just do you and you'll be good. You got a good head on your shoulder and your soul, woo boy, that thing is like damn," Maria looked up from her scroll and blinked at him. "Well not like damned but like, it's a good soul, well I mean it's a good soul, what I'm trying to say is that in a soul wrestling competition you might even give All Might a run for his money."

Oh. That made him feel pretty good about himself.

"Oh, look at that your self worth and pride are spiking. You humans are so easy."

"Uhh, right, well, if I'm being brought back, and I'm not going to have a quirk, what's the compensation?" Izuku asked, raising an eyebrow. This was really really weird. When was he going to wake up?

"In about twenty minutes." Maria smiled at him, and continued to type. "But don't worry, we're almost done here, and your compensation is a wife."

"Come again?"

"A wife." Maria blinked. "I didn't stutter did I? Well she'll be more than your wife, like you don't have to actually fall in love with her and marry her but she'll be with you anyways and she's basically a grade A hottie so you might as well marry her. She'll also be protecting you and making sure you live until you die of old age after living a long and happy life."

"Oh. So she's like my guardian angel?"

"Yes, but you can fuck her. And probably should."

This had fever dream written all over it.

"Anyways!" Maria snapped her fingers. "Let's introduce you two to each other."

Boobs. Dressed in a similar fashion to Maria with white robes a woman appeared in a shining silver light. Only while Maria's body was modest, this new Angel, was really, really, really, angry that he was staring at her chest. Naturally in the face of making a divine being angry and really leaning on this all being a dream Izuku took a good glance at her entire body. Slim-thick, fit-thick, curvy as all hell, the perfect cuddle body with thighs that looked like the perfect place to rest his head or crush it. Really she was the kind of woman where if Izuku saw a picture of her on the internet he would spend several hours trying to find her name.

Long straight silver hair fluttered behind her, nearly reaching her hips where it spread out just a bit. Her angel wings were less pure than Maria's with a bit of red at the tips of some of her feathers, likewise her halo wasn't the same pure golden color that Marai's was instead it shared a silvery color that shimmered with red. Her eyes oddly enough were a rich vibrant purple color that made him jump just a bit.

Even with her features currently glaring at him she really was beautiful.

"Maria!" The silver haired angel glared at Maria. "Why have you summoned me here? And why is this pervert ogling me?"

"Oh, that's easy Suriel." Maria laughed smiling up at the taller woman. "You're here to be his guardian angel, and he's here to send you to heaven."

"I'm already-" Suriel's mouth dropped open when she caught the lewd look on Maria's face which was really just brought to the next level with how cute Maria was. "Sex? But that's that's that's a sin!"

"Oh please you know it's not, how do you think people make more people! And it feels great! Besides, this is what you get for being so single all the time. Besides-" Maria spun her scroll on the desk like it was a computer monitor and smiled even wider. "You two are like super compatible. Like, wow, I'm honestly a little jealous."

"Then you do this!"

"Can't, I'm actually busy, and you're, remind me how many years has it been since your last assignment."

Suriel's shoulders and wings fell, the harshness of her gaze fading. "A couple centuries."

"Exactly, besides, you're like still a virgin right, this is a great opportunity for you to have some fun." Maria then looked towards Izuku and smiled widely. "Right then, Izuku, this is Suriel, she's a bit on the naive side, so make sure that you show her all the ropes. Especially the ones in bed. Ooh, you should totally use ropes in bed too! That'd be a good idea!"

"Wait," Izuku raised his hand. "I'm not exactly comfortable with someone just deciding I'm going to be in a relationship with someone, and I don't think Suriel is either, so can-"

"Look, look, while I'm one billion percent serious that this sexy piece of angel needs to get laid like last millenia, you two are free to set your own boundaries and decide your own relationship." Maria gestured towards Suriel's body before she let out a sigh and and glanced towards Izuku once again. "We're not into the whole forcing a relationship, that's more like what they do down stairs, you two are free to choose. That said, I give you two a week before you start boning."

"Maria!" Sureil shrieked again, her face bright red.

Then Maria snapped her fingers once again. "I now pronounce you man and wife!"

XXXX

Izuku stared up at the ceiling of his apartment, the large luscious bed he had splurged on was just as comfortable as he remembered it being, the sheets felt clean, the housekeeper he hired must have been by recently. The fan was spinning on the lowest setting not to keep it cool but more or less to circulate the stale air. It really didn't feel like he had just woken up, instead it just felt like he was in bed. In bed naked, which was only a sometimes deal for him, but just in bet.

He glanced at his nightstand and found his phone was still in the same spot he normally left it. It wasn't plugged in either.

In theory, he should find out what time it is. Way past when he normally woke up. But there were some more pressing matters to attend to. For one. There was no knife currently inside of his heart. Which was good. It meant that he wasn't dead.

Which gave evidence to the whole everything being a dream theory he had been working at.

There was just one problem.

There was a mass on his bed, currently tucked under his arm. The mass was warm, and from the outline of the covers vaguely human shaped. It could be that some hero with a healing quirk found him and then had to cuddle in bed with him to get their quirk to work, and likely also caused dreams about angels. Or, he could just have gone drinking last night, brought home a girl and then had a dream about angels.

The lack of a hangover wasn't odd, but he normally remembered sex. And there weren't clothes tossed everywhere.

Or.

Worse case scenario.

Suriel was currently holding onto his arm in his sleep.

With a breath Izuku pulled the cover back up just a bit.

Silver hair.

Fuck shit fuck shit fuck fuck fuck.

Wait. No halo. And he didn't see any wings.

He pulled the cover up again and then saw her face.

It was her.

His arm twitched and he tossed to covers off revealing her naked, eleven out of ten body that was just down right heavenly.

Okay. Either one. He had met this girl and had sex with her last night and then dreamed about her, because who wouldn't? Or two, this was Suriel, his guardian angel that Maria said he could fuck.

"Uhh, Suriel." He nudged her shoulder, hoping that was actually not her name.

Her purple eyes opened slowly and she looked at him. At his naked body, her eyes lingering on his exposed manhood as sleep prevented her from actually responding to anything. Then she looked at her own naked form. And blinked. Once. Twice. Three Times.

"Maria!" Suriel screamed, wings exploding out of her back as she took off flying, only to crash into his wall with a thud and falling to the ground ass up. It was a really nice ass though. "Pervert!"

Okay. So it wasn't a dream.

Fun.

AN: I don't even know. Look, just follow me on twitter if you want to try and prevent or enable stuff like this.

Also, check out my Ko Fi to uhh, idk, enable my addiction to burritos?