You've probably heard this story before. Young Satou Kazuma died at an early age, and reincarnated into a world of magic and monsters. Through some poorly-made choices, he was accompanied by the goddess Aqua, who took the role of his party's archpriest. Kazuma himself lacked the stats required to pick an actual class, so he remained as a basic adventurer. In addition to Kazuma and Aqua, Megumin the wizard joined their party, as well as Darkness the crusader. These four heroes would go on to defeat many foes and were known far throughout the land on their journey to defeat the Devil King… or at least that's what Kazuma hoped for.

In reality, his party members were anything but competent. Aqua was not only egotistical and pretentious, she was also incredibly childish to the point where her emotions could switch from one extreme to another in the blink of an eye. Megumin, could only cast a single heavy-hitting AOE spell that drained her mana once a day, not to mention her being an extremely obsessive chuunibyou that refused to learn anything else. Finally, you had Darkness. While she could easily stand against nearly any attack in the world, she was also incapable of dishing out any damage due to her inability to actually hit anything. Not to mention she was a masochist, that made everyone uncomfortable. Kazuma himself didn't have any kind of special power, and his leadership skills tended to fall on deaf ears. It wasn't that they didn't have their perks, but the party of four lacked any amount of competency to properly perform their job.

And now, we arrive at the present point in time, where the party had just completed an elaborate cabbage harvesting quest that allowed them to acquire a sizable amount of was walking about the guild hall; he sported his brand new fantasy outfit.

"My party's super weird, but at least I can rock this word's fashion!" he said, posing in front of no one in particular.

"You got that right!" A pale face suddenly appeared out of seemingly nowhere. Kazuma yelped as his friend Chris, the thief, appeared out of her Lurk.

"Gah! Chris!" he said. "Why'd you do that?"

"Just havin fun." she giggled.

"Well, its nice to see you again. Uh, no hard feeling about the panty incident?"

"Oh sure, that's all in the past!" Chris giggled. Yeah right. And I've just thought up the perfect revenge plan. "Say, are you in the mood for a quick gamble?"

"Sure," said Kazuma. One of his few strong points were his moderate intelligence and decent luck. "What were you thinking?"

"Rock-paper-scissors. Loser does one favor for the winner."

"Done," Kazuma smirked. "Ready?"

"Rock-paper-scissors shoot!"

Kazuma threw out scissors, whilst Chris ended up with paper.

"Hah! I win!" said Kazuma. Thank you lady luck!

"I don't believe it!" Chris gasped.

"I've never lost a game of rock-paper-scissors in my entire life," Kazuma stated. "Now you have to do one thing I say,"

"Great…" Chris let out a dejected sigh. "I was going to make you run naked through the streets as payback…"

"That's greatly disproportionate!" said Kazuma. Okay, what should I make Chris do? Maybe I could have her do something lewd… an opportunity like that only comes to a man like myself once in a blue moon! Although, word would probably spread and my reputation probably isn't that great from the Megumin incident. Hey, that's it!

"Chris, I'd like you to join my party!" Kazuma finally said.

"Eh, that's it?" Chris scratched her head. "You have three advanced classes and you want a low-level thief?"

"Surprisingly, my party's composition of builds lacks any kind of reliable offense abilities. So, I figured a melee damage-dealer would balance us out pretty well. Of course, I could always switch to the naked thing…"

"Deal!" Chris quickly shook his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, new party member!"

"And as to you!" Kazuma gave her a warm smile. He turned in Aqua's direction. "Hey Aqua, look who just joined our party!"

"Aqua?" said Chris, her eyes widening when the archpriest walked over.

"Chris? You mean that thief girl from earlier?" she leaned in, inspecting the thief's appearance. "Strange… I get the feeling I've seen you before…"

"Well, I go around a lot!" Chris laughed nervously. "Anyways, I already know Darkness, but what about that mage that I saw casting Explosion? I'd certainly like to meet her,"

Megumin walked over from her own seat.

"Oh yeah, you're Chris," she said. "You know, I'm almost a little offended by how easily you let her in the party,"

"There are reasons," Kazuma stated bluntly. "But that aside, our money won't last forever…" he looked at Aqua's sizable bar tab. "Especially with her around. So we need to do a quest pretty soon…"

"Oh!" Megumin perked up. "We should do one with lots of small enemies! I want to use the new manatite staff I bought!"

"No, we should do one with big, strong, monsters!" said Darkness. "Those cabbages were barely enough to satisfy me…"

"Is she planning to eat them?" said Chris.

"You have no idea," said Kazuma.

"No, let's do a profitable quest!" said Aqua. "I'm sick of sleeping in the stables."

"It's eleven-o-clock and already a conflict of interest," said Kazuma, glancing at the clock on the wall. "That's probably a new record,"

"Oh, how about this one?" said Chris, taking down a quest. "The giant toads are in mating season so…"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" said both Aqua and Megumin simultaneously.

"They were both eaten a few days ago…" Kazuma whispered in Chris' ear.

"Oh, that's why you were covered in slime!" Chris wiped the sweat off her brow. "I thought you were some kind of deviant,"

"It's both," said Megumin.

"Are you trying to make me look bad? Look, this is the first quest with all five of us. Let's just try and take it easy so we can become acquainted with our moveset."

"Oh, how about this one?" said Aqua. "It's to kill a Zombie Maker in a nearby public graveyard!"

"A zombie maker?" said Kazuma. Everyone gave him strange looks.

"A zombie maker," said Megumin. "You know. When a magic-user dies and turns into a zombie, their magic leaks out and makes more zombies. Hence the name…"

"Zombie maker, I get it," Kazuma tapped his chin. "Although, I would suppose a priest would be pretty strong against an undead…"

"You know it!" Aqua struck some kind of pose. "Just call me the goddess of undead punishment!"

"Sounds great!" said Chris. "Alright, let's get a move on!"

"Alright," said Megumin. She struck a pose that looked weirdly similar to something from Super Sentai "Team Konosuba, Go!"

"What?" said Kazuma.

"Konosuba," said Megumin. "I'm thinking up names for our party. I mean, we have five members now so it sorta makes a lot of sense for us to have a team name."

"You want our party name to be 'This Wonderful'?"

"Yeah, why?" Megumin tilted her head. "Oh, we should also come up with some team poses. And a theme song!"

"A theme song?" said Kazuma. "Are you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm serious?"

A little while later.

The five of them wandered through the dark cemetery.

"Alright, according to the quest, the zombie maker should be somewhere around here…" said Kazuma.

"Uh, Kazuma?" Aqua tapped his shoulder. "I'm getting a weirdly strong undead vibe from this place, I think we might be dealing with something a bit worse than a zombie maker…"

"Quiet!" said Chris. "Look over there!"

Indeed, in the center of the graveyard, a hooded figure stood in front of a large blue magic circle. Glowing blue apparitions floated out, then up and into the darkness of the night sky. The scene would have been almost peaceful, if not for Aqua rushing in like a certain crazed paladin player. I should tell them about that sometimes, Kazuma thought.

"AAAAAAAGH! I'LL BANISH YOU TO THE FIERY PITS OF HELL, YOU LICH!" The hooded figure barely got to turn around before Aqua tackled her to the ground

Wait did she just say lich?

"Hey, wait!" said a high-pitched voice from the supposed lich. "Please don't hurt me! Maybe we can talk about this?"

Quite frankly, it looked more like Aqua was wrestling with a young woman, as opposed to a No-Life king.

"Aqua?" said Kazuma, as the party scrambled over. "Are you sure that's a lich?"

"Of course it is!" said Aqua, pinning the girl to the ground. "Now, we'll just finish you off and our debt will be gone forever!"

"No!" the lich tried to crawl out from under her, but Aqua was surprisingly strong. "I'm not ready to go yet! There's still so much I have to do!"

"Too bad! Turn Un-"

"Aqua!" said Chris.

"What?"

Chris flung out her hand.

"Bind!"

Before she knew what was happening, a series of ropes had tied up the alleged lich.

"Eh?" she said.

"Now let's finish her off!" Chris cackled, a glare in her eyes. "Let's purge the world of the undead scum!" She grinned and drew her blade.

Wait, where did this side of her come from?

"Is… is that an enchanted dagger?" The lich's eyes widened. "No! Please don't kill me! I assure you I'm not doing anything wrong!"

"Alright, enough you two!" Kazuma said.

"Enough?" said Aqua. "Kazuma, this is a high-level undead monster! She's definitely up to no good!"

"It's the magic circle, isn't it?" said Chris. "You're doing something evil with it, aren't you?"

"Confess already!" said Aqua.

"Both of you, STOP!" Kazuma ordered. Chris and Aqua begrudgingly stepped off the tied-up lich.

"T-thank you!" she said. "If you'll let me explain, all I'm doing is letting these lost souls reach heaven! See?" she indicated to the shadowy apparitions floating out of the magic circle. "Some of the people here weren't given proper burials so they can't reach the afterlife. All I did was… hey, stop that!"

Aqua and Chris were both scrambling to rub out the magic circle. At once, the apparitions scattered in every direction.

"Enough!" Darkness grabbed both of them by the collars."You must respect the orders of our leader!"

"Who made Kazuma in charge?" said Aqua.

"Is that so?" said Kazuma. He tapped his chin in thought. "But, isn't this more a job for local priests or bishops?"

"The thing is, the Eris priests here only really care about money, and everyone here is really poor so their families couldn't afford them,"

Chris seemed to forget about the lich in the area as her eyes began to widen.

"Oh, is that so?" she said.

"I never liked those greedy Eris priests…" Aqua mumbled under her breath. "Unlike them, the Axis sect believes everyone is entitled to a minimum standard of burial."

"Well, I guess her record's clean," said Kazuma. He glanced in Aqua's direction as he began to untie the lich. "Also, if you Axis priests believe in that, then I assume you'll give a helping hand?"

"Absolutely?" Aqua smiled. "Just once I tear the lich into bloody pieces…"

"You're not doing that," said Kazuma.

"Thank you very much," said the lich. "My name is Wiz by the way, I run a nearby magic item shop. Here's my business card if you ever…"

"We do not do business with the undead!" Aqua whined, as Kazuma took the card.

"Well I guess we'll see you, Wiz," said Kazuma.

"Goodbye!" Wiz smiled warmly.

A little while later…

"I can't believe we let her go!" said Aqua.

"She's a freaking lich for goodness sake!" said Chris.

"Well, in spite of that…" Aqua enthusiastically grabbed Chris' hands. "At least I now have a fellow party member who shares my distaste for undead!"

"That is kinda nice…" Chris looked away, but failed to hide her blush. "Not everyone here seems to take undead issues as seriously as I do…"

"This feels like the start of a beautiful friendship!" Aqua grinned.

"This feels like the start of a migraine…" said Kazuma.

"So…" said Megumin, who had been weirdly quiet the entire time. "Theme song?"

"NO!"

The very next day…

"Well, yesterday didn't go as planned," said Megumin. "But no matter! Today, we will find a quest!" She did another one of her poses.

"Must you pose every time you announce something?" said Kazuma.

"You know, one of these days I'll show you my village, and then we can argue about the right time to pose."

"I'll look forward to it," Kazuma rolled his eyes and started scanning the quest board. "Hey, there's hardly anything here!"

"What are you talking about?" said Chris.

"I mean, all that's left are super-strong monsters and… assasination targets? What kind of people are putting these up?"

Luna glanced over from her desk.

"Oh, a Devil King general recently moved in around here in an abandoned castle, and all the weaker monsters have been scared away. So they'll be no low-level quests until the knights from the capitol show up to get rid of it,"

"WHAT?" said Kazuma. A Devil King general around here? This is a freaking starter town! I knew the game balance here was weird, but this is outrageous!

As such, Kazuma and his party decided to take a small break. Megumin asked Kazuma to accompany her on her Explosion training.

"Explosion!" exclaimed Megumin, as the towering column of fire struck the abandoned castle. Kazuma recoiled at the shockwave of heat and sound rolled over him. Once the Explosion finished, Megumin dropped to the ground.

"Ow…" she said. Kazuma sighed and hoisted her onto his back.

"And you plan on doing this every day?" he asked incredulously.

"Of course," she said. "And while we're here, we can talk about our team poses…"

"No way,"

Thus, was the pattern of life that followed for the next week. It didn't matter the weather or the time, they would be there. It wasn't quite the exciting life of adventure Kazuma had hoped for, but at least he could enjoy the company. As time passed by, he slowly began to notice the little differences in Megumin's explosions. Whether that be the heat, or the sound, or the glow, they exchanged their thoughts whenever they could, and even scored them.

"Today's was the best by far," he said on a particular day. "There was a nice and crisp shockwave that gently caressed my spine. And the column was exceptionally high. I give it 86 points. Speaking of which..."

Kazuma took a look at his adventure card and saw this.

Explosion: 50 points.

"Huh, well would you look at that," he said. Megumin glanced up from the ground.

"Your understanding of Explosion has finally reached its peak," she said. "Now, might you consider taking it on yourself, and we can make beautiful Explosions together?"

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted…" Kazuma tapped his chin. "Although, I could really use something a little less mana-draining for now. Maybe once I level up my magic ability…"

What am I saying? How can I level up anything while this damn Devil King General is taking away all the easy quests! And our money's starting to run low. Maybe we should try one of the harder ones… with Chris we might just be able to get away with something…

Back at the guild, Kazuma gathered all his party members at a table.

"Alright guys, I think it's about time we start sharing our abilities with each other for tactical reasons, also so we can know what kinds of quests we can do."

This has been put off too long. If I'm going to get any use out of these nitwits, I better try and find ways we can work together.

"Darkness, let's start with you," he turned in the crusader's direction.

"Okay, well I have Acid Resistance, Cold Resistance, Fire Resistance, Physical Resistance, Lightning Resistance, Necrotic Resistance, Poison Resistance, Psychic Resistance, Radiance Resistance, Shockwave Resistance, Seismic Resistance, Divine Resistance, Magical Resistance, Charm Resistance, Stun Resistance, Blindness Resistance, Deafness Resistance, Petrification Resistance, Grappling Resistance…"

"Anything you're NOT resistant to?" said Kazuma.

"Um… Possession?" said Darkness. "Although, I'm probably going to get that skill next so…"

"Don't. Just don't. Anything else?"

"Decoy," Darkness said. "It's a skill that pulls aggro from every monster in the area. I used it during the cabbage harvest to…"

"Got it," said Kazuma. "Anything offensive?"

"Not really…" Darkness glanced away. "If I could actually hit monsters, they'd probably die before they could hit me properly…"

"I see. So you're hopeless?"

Crap. Shouldn't've said that.

Darkness let out another moan.

"So… direct…"

Kazuma ignored her and turned to Megumin.

"Obviously, there's my Explosion," she said, already knowing what he was going to ask. "I also have Advanced Fire Magic, Fast Casting, Enhanced Pyrotechnics, Shockwave Intensity, Rapid Detonation, and Energy Manipulation." She listed off each skill as if they were achievements.

"So… just things that buff your Explosion?" he said.

"Yes, that's right."

"And you don't intend to take any other spells?"

"Yes, that's also right."

"I see. So you're also hopeless?"

"Hey!"

Aqua chimed in.

"My skills are vast and cover a wide range of areas! To start, I have…"

"I already know you're hopeless."

"WHAT?"

"And we finally have Chris," said Kazuma.

"I just have the standard thief getup." she said. "You know, Lurk, Steal, Pick Lock, Bluff, Precision Strike, Rapid Dodge, Shadow Puppet, Shadow Clone, God Blessing and God Curse!'

"Wait, what were those last two?" Kazuma raised an eyebrow.

Chris cleared her throat.

"Shadow Puppet and Shadow Clone let me make simple illusions!" she explained. "I'm an Arcane-type thief, you see?"

"I see."

Even though Chris has yet to prove herself useful in any way, I still think she could be useful in the right situation. The other three… I think I need a new word for 'hopeless'

"What's with that hopeless expression?" Chris asked innocently.

"What? I'm not hopeless," said Kazuma. He sighed. "Okay, I will admit, that almost everyone here has at least one redeeming quality."

"That's all I need," Megumin grinned triumphantly, as if she had just been praised.

"However…" he turned to Aqua. The other three noticed a sudden drop in his expression, and backed away. "I hate to break it to you Aqua, but so far you're easily the least useful out of all of us,"

"Eh?!"

"Sure, I'm weak, but I can deal a bit of damage with my sword and all my skills are useful utility ones. Megumin can obliterate almost anything, and Darkness can survive almost anything. And I'm sure Chris can do some pretty cool stuff too. However…" he turned to the goddess. "YOU have almost no redeeming values at all! You can't fight, you can't protect, you can't even heal right most of the time, and you don't have any special powers that are actually useful! I was supposed to get some kind of superpower when I came here, but, and I say this with the full knowledge of the consequences of my actions, YOU haven't come anywhere near the value of what I would've gotten! We're in this position, and you still think we can defeat the Devil King like some idiot! The only real thing you do that can be barely considered useful is your healing magic! And even still you can't even use it at the right time OR tell us when you're out of mana! And might I remind you of the MOUNTAIN of debt that you have accrued through your inane drinking!" Kazuma ran out of breath, so he inhaled sharply and continued. "Honestly? I think I have a better chance becoming a merchant or something, because being an adventurer FREAKING SUCKS! And all because the only thing I got a USELESS. FREAKING. ARCHPRIEST!"

A look of concern came across Megumin's face, as she thought to herself, How long has he kept that bottled up? That's definitely not healthy.

Aqua, on the other hand, was completely past all restraint. She was bawling out into Kazuma's table.

"KAZUMA! DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT, OR I'LL NEVER GET BACK HOME! THIS IS NOT MY FAULT YOU KNOW! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT DRAGGED ME HERE WITH YOU! YOU COULD'VE LITERALLY PICKED ANYTHING ELSE!"

Chris watched the scene with apprehension.

"I don't even know what they're talking about anymore, but I feel like Kazuma might have some issues."

Eventually, the scene between Kazuma and Aqua ended with the former sitting up with his arms crossed, and the latter slumped onto the table.

"EMERGENCY QUEST, EMERGENCY QUEST. ALL ADVENTURERS TO THE TOWN GATE!" Luna screamed into the loudspeakers.

"Huh? Again?" said Kazuma.

Aqua gasped and grabbed him by the hand.

"Let's go! Now is the time to score a quick buck!" she said.

"Hey, weren't we just arguing or something?"

Outside.

Before long, the entirety of the adventurers had showed up at the town gate. Kazuma realized that this was far worse than the cabbages. It was a monster he'd only read about in books previously.

A dullahan, an undead knight whose detached head was carried by a gloved hand, staring at the crowd with a haunting visage.

Oh shoot

"I am Beldia!" he announced. "The Devil King's second general! And I am here, because one of you MANIACS has been hurling non-stop Explosions onto my castle, and I demand to know who it is!"

What the heck is he talking about? Wait, Explosion magic?

"Honestly, this aggression is completely unprecedented! Sure, I may destroyed at least six minor adventurers before breakfast, sure, I've probably ruined at least one person's day for each Kanji in the Chinese alphabet, specifically the Japanese versions, and sure, people try to kill me at least eight times a week using various underhanded tactics, but this is too far! Present the perpetrator immediately, or I will decimate you!"

The entire crowd gasped collectively.

"The historical definition of decimate!"

The crowd went "oh," before gasping once more.

"So, speak up! Who is it?"

Oh shoot. Kazuma felt his neck grow sweaty. Oh shoot, oh shoot, oh shoooooooooooot. We are totally screwed beyond belief.

Immediately, everyone started scrambling to find the alleged perpetrator, except for Kazuma and Megumin who were giving each other awkward glances.

"Hey, who here uses Explosion magic?"

"Don't look at me, I can't use magic of any kind?"

"I can only cast basic spells!"

"I'm an ice wizard, not a fire-user!"

Megumin looked around at the chaos of the crowd. The dullahan stood impatiently, his glowing red eyes narrowed.

"Megumin?" said Kazuma. She better not be thinking of something insane. "You don't have to…"

She ignored him, took a deep breath, and stepped forwards.

Oh for goodness sake!

"My name is Megumin,"

Beldia glared at her

"And I suppose YOU are the blasted scoundrel that keeps blowing up my castle? I mean, I'm all for a good fight, but at least come to my door and knock! Heck, use the key under the mat! And if that one's gone, then there should be another one in a nearby chest!"

"My name is Megumin, archwizard, and master of Explosion!"

"A Crimson Demon, huh? That would explain the name!"

Megumin's eyes lit up. "I am of the Crimson Demon Clan and the greatest magic-user in Axel Town. And you have just fallen for my trap, by coming here unaccompanied!"

"Trap? What are you talking about? This is a beginner's town!"

"Beginner's town? You make me laugh! Would a beginner be able to cast Explosion magic?"

Is she insane? What am I thinking, of course she's insane! Wait, if she's planning on baiting him, we just might have a shot! He's vastly outnumbered, and she still has her Explosion

Beldia tapped what would be his chin.

"I suppose you have a point. I'll be making my exit for now. No more Explosions, got it?"

"No," said Megumin

"WHAT?"

"We Crimson Demon's must let off Explosion once per day, or we will perish."

"Liar!" said Beldia. "I've met many Crimson Demon's in my past life, and not once have I ever heard that! So you don't intend to stop, is that it? Well, then there's only one solution!"

"Indeed," said Aqua. She pulled out her staff and started charging in like a soldier. "It looks like it's time to obliterate this filthy undead!" she said.

"I'm right, behind you, Aqua!" said Chris, joining Aqua on her charge. "LET'S TURN THIS GUY INTO DULLAHAN DUMPLINGS!"

"This is the worst possible fight to be picking!" said Kazuma.

"Because of you, we can't get any easier quests!" said Megumin. "So you will pay to the undead-busting duo, Aqua and Chris!"

"Seriously? You're just going to hand it off to…"

"Alright!" said Chris. "Aqua, lead the way!"

"Right!" said Aqua. "Just you wait until I cast Turn Undead on you…"

"I've had enough of this!" said Beldia. He pointed a finger at Megumin.

"Huh? What are you…?"

Beldia's finger glowed with a dark shadowy aura.

"I sentence thee to death, in one week!"

Without a moment's hesitation, he fired the spell at Megumin. Darkness grabbed the wizard and threw her behind herself, before her body lit up with the dark energy.

"Darkness!" cried Megumin.

"Gah!" Kazuma ran over. "Darn you, Beldia!"

What have I been doing? I should've done something! Gah, I never do anything! And now we've been hit by a death sentence!

Darkness got up, looking more or less okay. But the grim knowledge soon dawned upon the group.

"Well, that was an unexpected factor," said Beldia. "But, I suppose this might be even more effective. Alright, everyone listen! This crusader will die in a week's time, and you can all watch her frantically scurry about in lew of her demise! Know that it was your fault for whatever misfortune befalls her!"

"I don't think she'll be doing that," said Kazuma, watching as Darkness was already blushing.

"You… you would put this curse upon me, and make me perform lewd actions to break it!" she stammered.

"Wait… what?" said Beldia. Kazuma smirked.

"It's your problem now," he said.

"Look at him!" Darkness practically screamed at Kazuma. "Those are the eyes of some kind of pervert who wants to exploit a young woman's body and voice and perform some kind of horrific fetishistic torture!"

"Hey, wait…"

"He intends to make me his personal slave for who-knows-how long, and keep my body all to himself!"

"STOP IT! THE OTHER DEVIL KING GENERALS WILL GET THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT ME!"

Darkness was already marching over, a wide grin on her face.

"I shall endure what I can! Goodbye, my friends!" she started walking over to Beldia, who immediately backed up.

"Uh… anyway, if you want the curse removed, come to my castle and fight me like a proper hero! I'll be at the top floor in my specially designed boss chamber! Goodbye!"

And with that, he vanished, leaving Darkness on her own.

Everyone sat in silence for a few moments.

Megumin, face pale as ever, started to slowly make her way to the gate.

"Hey, where are you going?" Kazuma grabbed her by the mantle. Megumin didn't look at him.

"This is all my fault," she said. "I am going to his castle so I can fix all of this. My Explosion got us into this mess, so It'll get us out of it,"

What? Why is she blaming herself for this? There's no way she would have known he was in that castle. If anything, I should've been more careful.

"Now, hold on a second!" said Kazuma, letting go of her mantle and grabbing her hand instead. That made her turn around. "Of course, I'll come with you! You'll fall flat after your Explosion, so you're gonna need someone to carry you away. And besides, I can fight pretty well."

"Kazuma…" Megumin was at a loss for words. "I…"

"And hey, even if we are hopeless in every sense of the word, we can at least be hopeless together! Right team?"

"Of course!" said Darkness. "I'll protect both of you to the best of my ability! And worse comes to worse, I can get enslaved by the dullahan anyway!"

"Aqua, Chris, you guys ready?" Kazuma motioned towards them, only to find Aqua casting a spell

"Sacred Break Spell!"

Suddenly, Darkness' body lit up like a Christmas tree, and the shadowy bit popped out and disappeared.

"Huh?" said Kazuma.

"Oh, such a pathetic curse is nothing to an archpriest like me!" Aqua smiled. "Plus, with Chris' powers, it was even easier!"

"I guess," Megumin looked somewhat embarrassed. "But I was going to say 'Let's go team Konosuba!'"

"Wait, how was Chris helping?" said Kazuma. "Because I don't really know how thieves and divine magic work together.

Chris simply put her finger to her lips. "That's a secret."

"I guess that makes sense," said Kazuma.

"No it doesn't," said Megumin.

Darkness examined herself.

"Well… so much for that. And I was getting all excited…"

The very next day, life continued as normal.

"KAAAZUMAAAA!"

Yep. Normal.

Kazuma was currently taking a nice long drink, in order to get over the stress of the previous day. Mind you, he wasn't drinking alcohol, but a popular beverage in this world called Neroid Fizziz. Just then, Chris came around and sat down across with him.

"Hey, Kazuma," she said. "So, how are we doing in terms of money?"

"Not bad, really," he replied. "We've still got plenty of cash leftover from the cabbages, so I don't think we really need to go on a quest right now,"

"Eh?" Chris cocked her head. "I didn't know there had to be a reason."

"I didn't know either," said Kazuma. "But overall, the general experience of questing is worth avoiding if you can. I thought it would be fun, but it's horrifically exhausting, scary, dangerous, and oftentimes disgusting. I'm looking forward to a nice calm weekend without any of that stuff."

"Huh, okay." said Chris. "But you know, it has its glory points." she glanced out the window. "Those rare moments where everyone goes right, and you can tell a grand tale when you return. Not to mention the feeling of being empowered, like nothing in the entire world can stop you from getting what you want."

"Are you trying to gaslight me?" said Kazuma.

"No, you're way too smart for that,"

"Well, you've got a point there." Kazuma chuckled. "I'm probably the smartest one here."

"Too bad things like bravery and resilience seem to be out of your field of comprehension though," She shot him a sidelong glance.

"Hey!"

Shoot, she's right! That's the main reason I became a NEET! And here I am in this fantasy world trying to cling to the same life? I mean… the very least I can do is just go on a quest to get some levels and maybe some bragging rights. Yeah, just one quest. Then I'll go back to comfortable stationary life.

"Hey Kazuma!" Almost as if on queue, Aqua planted a quest paper on the table. "Check out what I found! It's a quest to clean a nearby lake infested with Brutal Alligators. I can just use my passive purification powers to clean it while you guys protect me! And we don't even have to kill anything! It's perfect…"

He put his hand on her shoulder and stared at her dead in the eye.

"Eh?"

"Aqua, let's do one better! If this quest is so easy, then let's double down and kill the alligators as well! With that much Eris, we could afford to sleep in an inn!" he said, passionately grasping her other shoulder.

"Uh…" Aqua was at a loss for words as her face began to heat up.

"Great!" Kazuma took his hands off her. "I'll go tell the others,"

As Kazuma walked over to Megumin and Darkness, Aqua whispered in Chris' ear.

"Am I crazy, or did Kazuma suddenly look extremely attractive for a few seconds?" she said.

"I think you're just so stupid anything slightly encouraging sounds like a marriage proposal."

"Hey!" Aqua pouted. "I'll have you know I'm the six time winner of the Goddess of Beauty pageant! Until of course that floozy named Freya showed up…"

"Wasn't Eris the ten time winner?"

"How would you know that?" said Aqua. "Everyone knows that you can't win a pageant with a padded bra! It defeats the purpose!"

"For the last time…"

A little while later…

"Alright, let's review the plan." said Kazuma. "Step 1: Put Aqua inside the cage."

"Check," said Megumin

"Step 2: Put Darkness inside the cage in case the cage fails."

"Check!" Darkness said, already clutching Aqua like a prized stuffed animal. "Thank you very much for this opportunity!"

"This is humiliating…" said Aqua.

"Step 3: Put the cage in the lake," Kazuma continued.

"Check." said Chris, eyeing the chain connected to the cage.

"Step 4: Wait for the alligators to show up and have Megumin charge her Explosion while that happens."

"Standing by on that one." said Megumin, holding her glowing staff out.

"Step 5: When the alligators show up, I pull one away from the group."

"Got it."

"Step 6: Chris and I will defeat it,"

"My dagger is sharpened and ready!"

"Step 7: Repeat steps 5 and 6 until we run out of energy. Step 7: Pull the alligators' attention away from Aqua, and into a spot where Megumin can finish them off with Explosion."

"Sounds solid." said Chris. "This is a surprisingly effective-sounding strategy," she glanced at Kazuma. "I'm honestly impressed, where did you learn this stuff?"

"I have played over a thousand hours of various games. This is trivial compared to that." Kazuma smirked and relished in the praise. "Although, we probably shouldn't say that to avoid setting off death flags… aw, what the heck? As long as nobody pulls a Leeroy Jenkins on us, we should be fine."

"What's a Leeroy Jenkins?" said Megumin.

"Oh, do I have a story for you!" Kazuma ran back through his memories. "In my country, there's a tale about a paladin…"

A little while later...

"Kazuma!" Aqua cried out. "Something's coming!"

"A whole bunch of somethings!" Darkness delightfully eyed the large monstrous shapes appearing around them.

"Here they come!" said Kazuma. "Let's move out, Chris!"

"Right!"

Kazuma Lurked over to an alligator in the corner of the pack.

"Create Earth!"

He tossed a pile of soil at the reptile. Immediately, the massive creature turned around to face him, leaving the rest of his companions.

"Alright, he's aggroed!" Kazuma said. Once the alligator was far enough from the others, Chris dove in with her dagger.

She jumped on top of the alligator and gave it a good whack on the snout. The creature roared in response, and Kazuma prepared another spell.

"Create Water! Freeze!"

Immediately, it's large mouths was doused in water which froze into ice almost instantly. They heard it let out a whimper as it stopped trying to shake off Chris and weakly fell to the ground.

"Decisive Blow!" Chris planted her dagger firmly into the back, causing blood to spurt out. Kazuma ran over and started stabbing random spots. The coldness of the ice flowing through its cold blood, the alligator did little to resist. Eventually, it lay dead on the ground.

"Phew!" said Kazuma. "I can't believe that actually worked!"

"I know," said Chris. "Anyway, let's load this thing into the wagon…"

"KAZUMA!" screamed Aqua. "The cage just made a crunch sound! Cages aren't supposed to go crunch!"

"Do not worry, Aqua!" said Darkness, firmly grasping her. "I will protect you with my dying breath!"

"Purification! Purification! Purification!" Aqua yelled as she continued purifying the lake. Darkness, however, was looking like she was having the time of her life.

"Only a bunch of thin iron bars stand between us and certain doom!" she exclaimed. "I could not have asked for a better situation!"

"Please don't let them get me!" Aqua was almost crying on Darkness' shoulder. "Purification! Ack! Purification! Watch out for that one!"

"I think they're doing just fine," Chris smirked.

"Hey, guys! Just holler if you need us to pull you in!" said Kazuma.

"Are you crazy?" said Aqua "We'll have wasted so much time! Purification! AAAAAAAGH!"

"Well, if you say so," Kazuma pulled the next alligator. "Here we go, Chris!"

Several hours later…

"Alright, another one down!" said Chris. "How are you doing, Kazuma?"

"I'm all out of mana and I drank my last potion!" he said. "Megumin, ready the Explosion!"

"Standing by and prepared to unleash doomsday!" Megumin's eyes flared.

"Roger that!" Chris and Kazuma pulled the rest of the alligators away from the cage. It took a few tries, but the eventually managed to successfully get the aggro off of Aqua.

"Now!" yelled Kazuma.

"The final nail in the coffin of justice! Explosion!"

A shockwave of air blasted Kazuma and Chris away from the lake, incinerating the alligators while steaming water was blasted fifteen meters in the air.

When the Explosion finished, Megumin let out a sigh.

"Swarms of enemies being obliterated in my spell while fire rains down from above and a shockwave runs against my skin… This is what makes I, Megumin, feel alive…" she said before she fainted.

"Phew!" Kazuma wiped the sweat from his brow. "That was a close one. Good job, Megumin! Your psychotic Explosion obsession was actually useful for once!"

"Since I'm in such a good mood, I'll pretend I didn't hear you say that," she muttered as Kazuma hoisted her onto his back.

"Ah, what the heck. I'm in a good mood too. Sorry." he smiled and let out a content sigh. For once, everything was going perfectly.

"All is forgiven," she said. Kazuma noticed a red glow on his shoulder. "I'm so glad I joined this party…" Megumin nestled her head into his neck.

Uh… what just happened? Did Megumin just try to make a move on me? Aw crap, am I blushing? Shoot, what do I do?

Kazuma caught a whiff of Megumin's scent. He didn't know what perfume she wore, but it was good. Like, really good.

Actually, maybe I should just let it be.

Chris glanced over at this scene and smirked.

"Well, would you look at that?"

"Knock it off!"

A while later.

Chris looked into the crystal clear water.

"Looks clean," she said. "Alright, you guys can come out now."

Aqua was clinging to Darkness like some poor desperate creature looking for some semblance of comfort.

"Uh… you okay?" said Kazuma

"No…," she said. "The outside world is too scary. Just let me stay in here with my protector."

"I don't mind staying here at all." Darkness smiled at Aqua. "I'm enjoying this position quite a lot!"

The other three of them exchanged looks.

Later…

After numerous failed attempts to get Aqua out of the cage, they eventually decided to simply leave her in. Using the horse they borrowed, they pulled the cage back to town.

"They're all watching us…" said Darkness. "Like two caged animals being carted away to be sold!"

"Cut it out!" said Kazuma. "This is bad enough already without you two weirdos…"

"The inside of this cage is my sanctuary." said Aqua "The outside world is too scary…"

"She's lost it." Megumin sighed.

She's just like me… Kazuma though.

"My lady, goddess!" someone yelled. A young man dressed in generic fantasy armor ran over and started pulling at the steel bars.

"What the…" said Megumin.

With his bare hands, he pulled apart the magically-enhanced iron and started scrambling inside, when Darkness moved to block his way.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" she said. As they silently exchanged glares, Kazuma whispered in Aqua's ear.

"Hey, know who this guy is? He's calling you a goddess,"

"Goddess?" Aqua tilted her head innocently.

"WHO TOLD YOU?" Chris said out of nowhere. Everyone ignored her.

Aqua simply started with a blank expression.

"...oh that's right! I am a goddess!" Her usual smile returned almost immediately. She hopped out of the cage and turned to face the newcomer. "Hi, there! Who are you?"

"What?" said Kazuma. "You don't know him?"

"It's me!" said the man. "Mitsurugi Kyouya! You sent me to this world to defeat the devil king, and gave me Gram, the magic sword!" He pulled out a large sword from his back.

"Uh…" Aqua looked like she was deep in thought. "Oh right, that guy! Sorry, it's super easy to forget the hundreds of people I've been reincarnating for at least a hundred years!"

"...speaking of which…" Mitsurugi said, during his conversation with Aqua. "Why exactly were you in a cage?"

"Now that's a long story," said Megumin. Darkness nodded.

One recount of the entire story, minus the part with Beldia, later…

"WHAAAAAT?" said Kyouya. "You dragged a goddess with you to this world and left her in a cage in a lake full of alligators? Not only with that, but you also put another woman in with her, whilst carrying a little girl on your back for some reason?"

"You just rephrased that to make him sound like the bad guy," Chris pointed out.

"What were you thinking?" he grabbed Kazuma by the collar. Megumin accidentally fell off and thumped on the ground.

"Ow," she said.

"Hey, hold on there!" said Aqua. "I've actually been having quite a bit of fun here! For starters, it's been thousands of years since I've been able to drink with mortals! Plus I sleep in a comfy stable with all of my new friends…"

"A STABLE?"

Darkness plucked Kazuma out of Kyouya's extreme grip.

"That's enough. Kazuma might be scrawny, but underestimating him has been the downfall of numerous cabbages,"

"Cabbages?"

Megumin's eyes were already glowing in anger.

"Kazuma, tomorrow I will cast Explosion on him..."

"Please don't!" he said

"Alright, everybody, calm down!" said Chris. "I'm sure we can just talk this out..."

Kyouya glanced about, as if suddenly realizing the three other people.

"A crusader, archwizard, and thief? And pretty fetching ones at that. You should be ashamed of yourself for making powerful adventurers sleep in a stable, especially when your own class is the lowest of them all!"

"Strange," said Chris, smirking. "You seem to be the one enticing him to stoop to your level,"

"Hey, you're just rephrasing the situation to make me look like the bad guy!"

"No, it's because you are the bad guy," Chris stepped between Kazuma and Kyouya. "If my understanding is correct, that holy sword of your lets you take on high-level quests, right?"

"Well… yes…"

"Kazuma, on the other hand, has no such abilities! Aqua's healing is strong, but she's too incompetent to use it! As such, he can only take on extremely low-level quests, and that is why we sleep in a stable! In fact, we only just finished one of the harder ones! You have no right to look down on people, just because they happen to not have special items or abilities like you, and as a result, use different tactics to complete quests! In fact, I bet Kazuma's two times the hero you'll ever be because I believe his friendship with us…"

"Stop," said Kazuma.

"Huh?" said Chris. "But I'm defending you…"

"And I'm honored. But the last thing I want to hear today is a friendship speech. That's all."

"Uh…" Chris seemed lost for words. Kyouya cleared his throat.

"I see," he said. "My apologies. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions,"

"All is forgiven," Kazuma shrugged. "I guess we'll be on our way now…"

"However…"

"Aw, come on!"

"I must ask if you'd like to conjoin our parties, given how rough you seem to have it." Kyouya indicated to the two girls behind him. "This is Clemea, she's a ninja, and Fio, who's calling is that of a fistfighter. And with you guys, we'll have a perfectly balanced party. And I'll buy you all the best gear. What do you say?"

Hmm… that offer is tempting. Although I'm still a little distasteful of his act. Plus he'll probably hold it over me for the rest of my life… but what do the others think?

"Geez, this guy is freaky," Aqua muttered to her companions. "Don't you think it's weird how he automatically thought we'd come with him? Those magical gifts are supposed to teach things like honor and respect, not steamrolling through all your problems with relative ease,"

"For once, I've met someone who I'd like to punish," said Darkness.

"Can I blow him up?" said Megumin, who was lying on the ground after Kazuma dropped her.. "I want to blow him to bits,"

"Don't phrase it like that," said Chris. "But yeah, he's an idiot,"

Kazuma cleared his throat.

"Well, it seems that the people have spoken. Goodbye,"

And with that, they began pulling the now-empty cage off to the guild.

"Hold on a second!' said Kyouya.

Again?

"I'm sorry, but I cannot allow lady Aqua to remain in these conditions! Your own party member admitted that you can't defeat the Devil King,"

"Not like I'm ashamed of that," said Kazuma.

"Lady Aqua must come with me. And since you have brought her here like cattle, then wager her like so. For I challenge you to a duel!"

Kazuma's eyes widened.

"I accept,"

"WHAT?" said Aqua.

Megumin spoke from on the dirt ground.

"You go, Kazuma!" she said. "Show that guy who's boss!"

She's weirdly encouraging today.

"Alright, the terms are simple!" said Kyouya, putting his hand on his sword. "First one who yields or is unable to continue loses! If I win, I get Lady Aqua. If you win, I'll listen to any one request you have,"

"Got it," Kazuma pulled out his sword. "3 2 1, go!"

"Hey, wait!" Kyouya panicked as Kazuma lunged at him. He pulled out his own sword and quickly blocked, but not fast enough for Kazuma to throw out his other hand.

"Steal!"

Before Kyouya could pull back for a swing a wave of magic washed over him and his companions.

When the light faded, the magic sword had disappeared and reappeared in Kazuma's hands. With a swift swing, Kyouya took a blow from his own weapon to the head, before he was knocked onto the ground, unconscious.

"That'll teach you," said Kazuma, examining the sword. "Wait, I got something extra…"

He opened his hand fully and saw two pairs of matching polka-dotted panties.

"Woah, I can steal multiple items now? Awesome!" said Kazuma. Chris rolled her eyes.

"You can increase the power of your skills by using them repeatedly."

"Is that so? Cool!"

Fio and Clemea blushed and started screaming.

"You pervert!"

"Coward!"

"Dirty trickster!"

"Scoundrel!"

"Cheater!"

Kazuma simply shrugged.

"You don't think I haven't been called names before?" he said. "We're not on the playground anymore…"

"Even still!" Fio drew her dagger, while Clemea took a fighting stance. "We won't accept the way you won! Now give us back our panties!"

"Gram won't even work for you!" said Clemea. "It only works for Kyouya!"

"It's true," Aqua noted. "Magic weapons can only use their magic powers for their masters,"

"Seriously?" Kazuma frowned. "Well… given that he did say he'd give me anything I asked, I'll just take this sword. Serves him right for being so short-sighted."

He glanced back at the two girls.

"Your panties, on the other hand, are still yours. However, there's nothing really stopping me from taking them for myself and hanging them up on the wall,"

"Eh?" said Fio.

"You should know that I treat people of all genders the same; I have no issues with taking a female's undergarments if I don't like them,"

"You're a meanie!" said Clemea. Fio gave her a weird look.

"Seriously? Is that the best you can think of?" she said.

"What?"

"Look, I'll give you your underwear back, if you scurry along and get back to your respective lives. If that seems unreasonable to you…" Kazuma smirked. "I could just keep using Steal over and over again. You guys don't seem to be wearing much to begin with, so it probably won't take that long…"

"Ah!" they shrieked in stereo. "Fine!"

"Good!" Kazuma smiled and handed their panties back.

The two of them ran off faster than squirrels. Already, he could feel his party staring into his back.

A long while later…

"Well, all's well that ends well," Kazuma casually sipped his drink. His new friend Dust's eyes widened.

"Seriously?" he said. "You stole a super-powerful sword?"

"Yeah, that's the gist. That guy had a it coming,"

"That's awesome!" said Taylor, a member of Dust's party. "You really put him in his place!"

"Gifted adventurers like him are always lording over weaker ones like us!" said Rin, Dust's wizard. Keth, the archer, nodded in agreement.

"Well, no need to thank me," Kazuma chuckled

Meanwhile, Megumin leaned over towards Aqua.

"Hey, uh, Aqua? Did that Kyouya guy say something about you being a goddess or something?"

"Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag," she said. "Yes, it is I, Aqua. The goddess of water and the afterlife! I have been summoned from the heavens in order to help you defeat the devil king!"

Chris smirked.

"I suppose if we're really sharing these kinds of secrets, then it is I, Eris, the goddess of fortune and the Eris sect. I have come down from the heavens in the guise of a human thief to hang around and see the state of humanity…"

Megumin burst out laughing, followed by Darkness.

"Oh my gosh… that is the funniest thing I have ever heard!" she squealed.

"I know, right?" said Chris, joining in on their laughter. "This wasn't planned, I just heard what Aqua said and improvised!"

"WHAT?" said Aqua.

"I know…" said Darkness. Kazuma nodded.

"That's easily the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard,"

"Eh?"

Megumin started to thrash about with laughter. "I mean, what are you gonna tell us next? That Darkness is disguised royalty, Kazuma is from another world, and I'm some kind of secret war experiment designed by a guy who came from the same world as Kazuma?"

Megumin continued laughing, but everyone else had stopped.

"What?" she said.

"Nothing!" said Kazuma and Darkness.

Kazuma sighed.

"Well, that was still a satisfying adventure! And now, we're richer than our wildest dreams!"

Chris shuffled a little closer.

"And all we had to do was apply ourselves!"

"I think we did a bit more than that." Kazuma chuckled.

"SATOU KAZUMA!"

"Eh?"

The next thing he knew, Kyouya ran up to his table.

"Kazuma! I have been looking for you!"

"Oh, you're approaching me?" Kazuma smirked as a dark aura came about his eyes.

"I know this is the opposite of honorable but…" he bowed his head to the ground. "Please return my magic sword! It won't work any better than any other sword for you! In fact, I'll buy you any sword you want if you return it!"

Megumin tapped him on the shoulder, her eyes glowing a haunting shade of scarlet.

"Excuse me, Mr. Mitsurugi, but it would appear that Kazuma does not have your sword."

"Eh?" said Kyouya. He glanced about. "Kazuma… what did you do with my sword?"

"I did what any sensible RPG player would do. I sold it."

"DANG IT!" Kyouya dashed off faster than a yellow-bellied chicken.

"Heh," Kazuma grinned as Megumin pulled Gram out of her wizard outfit.

"It's ours now, Kazuma!" she grinned. "What should we do with it?"

"Hmm…" Kazuma took the sword and turned to Darkness. "Why don't you take it, Darkness?"

"Eh? Really?" Darkness looked incredulously.

"Sure, why not?" said Kazuma. "It's not like you're gonna use it for anything useful."

"Hey, I like some genuine praise from time to time!"

"Come on, you totally enjoyed that."

"I-I did not…" she began to blush. "But still, thank you…" she took the sword from his hands and looked it up and down.

"Say, why don't you give it a new name?" said Aqua. "So it can truly be your sword!"

"A new name…?" Darkness thought for a long time.

"EMERGENCY QUEST, EMERGENCY QUEST!"

"Again?" Kazuma jumped up from his seat. "What could that be about?"

"ALL ADVENTURERS HEAD TO THE TOWN GATE! ESPECIALLY THE PARTY OF SATOU KAZUMA!"

"Wait, what?" said Kazuma.

At the town gate.

The sky darkened once more, as a bolt of lightning struck the ground in front of Axel. When the light cleared, a familiar monster stood in its place.

"You…" said Beldia. "WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW UP?"

"Oh yeah, this guy," Aqua muttered.

"And to add further insult to injury, YOU STILL WON'T STOP WITH THE EXPLOSIONS!"

"Eh?" said Kazuma. He yelled back "We haven't done anything like that! We stopped, just like you asked! Unless…"

Kazuma glanced at Megumin.

"YOU KEPT BLOWING UP HIS CASTLE?!"

"Gah! Please stop pulling my eyepatch! I assure you I can explain!" Megumin somehow managed to wrestle Kazuma off her. "It's just… I was usually able to get off just fine with flat fields and lakes, but after discovering the joy of letting my Explosion onto a castle, now I need something big and hard or I just can't release it right…"

"Don't phrase it like that while fidgeting!"

As Kazuma fought with his party, Beldia slapped himself in the face. Well, given the position of his face, it looked more like he was striking a gong.

"Enough! And I can't believe you had the audacity to just let your friend die like that! I mean, seriously! Even us Devil King Generals show kindness and respect to our friends! Why, just last month I helped a very dear friend of mine move into her new shop! By the why, how is that doing?"

"Uh, I believe there's a misunderstanding here." The crowd parted to let Darkness greet the newcomer. "But on a side note, since when did the Devil King's generals have friends?"

"WHAT?" said Beldia. "YOU'RE STILL ALIVE?"

"Oh, isn't that adorable!" Aqua laughed.

Chris pouted as she proceeded to mock him.

"Aw, is the big scary-wary dullahan all saddie-waddie because we easily-weasily got wid of his widdle cursey-wursey?" she said, wearing a smile more toxic than the average American FPS.

"YOU'LL REGRET SAYING THAT!" said Beldia. 'I, Beldia, will now…"

"Turn Undead!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Beldia screamed as holy light enveloped him. He fell off his horse and started rolling about. "OW OW OW OW OW OW!"

"Huh, that should've obliterated him," Aqua scratched her head.

"I don't know, that looked pretty effective to me," said Kazuma.

Beldia coughed and dusted himself off.

Meanwhile, Kazuma noticed Wiz running into the crowd,

"Sorry I'm late… Beldia?" she said.

Beldia cackled, not noticing the lich.

"Do you really think such a simple spell would be able to defeat me? Now, let me show some real magic!"

"Sacred Turn Undead!" said Aqua and Chris, as a large magic circle appeared around Beldia.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" was what was heard. Beldia rolled about for a while, before returning to his feet once again.

"Oh my gosh, it didn't work again!" said Chris.

"How exactly are you, a thief, casting an Archpriest spell?" said Kazuma

"Uh… it's a secret!"

"I guess that makes sense…"

"No it doesn't!" said Beldia.

The sky darkened once more as a layer of smoke floated in around Beldia. Two crimson colored eyes lit up inside his helmet.

"This feels familiar…" said Kazuma.

"Rise up! Undead Soldiers!"

Hundreds of scary-looking zombie knights dug their way out of the ground. Beldia cackled as he constructed a small army in the time of a few seconds.

Kazuma, however, was not impressed.

"Hey, Aqua's spell spooked him so much he's relying on his minions!"

"What?" said Beldia. "No! In battle, you fight the minions before the boss! That's how it's worked since the beginning of time itself…"

"Yeah right!" said Aqua

"Enough of this! Undead Knights! Attack!"

Without a moment of attack, Beldia's improvised army rushed at the residents of Axel, who let out a collective gasp.

"Someone get the priests!"

"Eris, save me!"

"Bring all the holy water you can carry!"

Meanwhile, the others braced their ranks and prepared for the impact. But surprisingly it never came.

"Gah! Why are you chasing us!" screamed Aqua.

She and Chris had darted off in opposite directions, and the undead army had split down the middle to chase both of them.

"Huh," said Kazuma. "Maybe they're trying to get salvation from a goddess? Not sure why they're chasing Chris though…"

"Hey!" said Beldia! "Some of you come back and kill the rest of them! I would highly advise you to focus on Megumin!"

"Wait, you remembered my name?" said Megumin.

"It's the most normal-sounding name out of all you," Beldia. "Hey! Get back here you crazy zombie-knight-thingies!"

"Stop chasing us!" said Chris. "This is tactically weak and very scary!"

"Megumin, can you blow them all up?" Kazuma turned to the archwizard.

"I could, but they need to be in one large group!"

"WHY IS NOBODY HELPING ME?" said Aqua. "KAZUMA!"

She started dashing towards Kazuma and the crowd. Immediately, the adventurers dispersed, whilst Kazuma started to run away from Aqua

"AAAGH!" he said. "Why are you chasing me?"

"I don't know what to do!" said Aqua. "I can't hold still long enough to cast Turn Undead on them!"

"Darn priest spells!"

"I could really use one of your Kazuma ideas right now!" said Aqua.

"Kazuma ideas?" said Kazuma. "That's seriously what we're saying now?"

"Kazuma!"

"Alright alright already!" Kazuma glanced around. "Megumin! Ready an Explosion and keep it pointed behind me! Darkness, lead Chris over to us!"

"Right!" they said, before carrying out their respective tasks. Megumin began charging, while Darkness ran around to corral up Aqua and Chris"

"Oh, can you imagine what they'll do if they catch us?" Darkness started blushing.

"Now's not the time to be weird!" said Chris

Eventually, they had corralled the undead into a large blob, chasing Chris and Aqua.

"It is time!" said Megumin. "Such a perfect opportunity only comes once every thousand years!" She pulled out her staff and twirled it. "The stars align for Schwarzsech Prototype Mark II!"

"That staff's name is extremely cool!" Beldia called out.

"Really?" Megumin's eyes lit up in excitement. "You think so?"

"Focus!" said Kazuma.

"Right!" Megumin finished her chant. "Reality be rent, synapses break, banishment from this world! EXPLOSION!"

Fire from above rained down upon the undead soldiers. Before long, they were re-dead soldiers.

"That was amazing…" said Megumin. She flopped onto the ground.

Beldia shrugged.

"Huh, that was a lot faster than I thought. Oh well, now for the real fun!" he drew his sword. "Come at me, for all of your attempts will be utterly futiles! They're useless, useless, useless!"

"Okay, that's starting to sound familiar…" said Kazuma.

Already, some adventurers had started to draw their own weapons and create plans.

"Alright guys, here's the plan!" said Dust, talking with his party while others simply charged in and started swinging weapons at Beldia. "I'll go in first and grab his attention, so Rin can blast down any of those minions with AOE. I'll use Intimidating Shout to make him panic so he doesn't go all-out on me. Once that's done, Taylor will go in next and use his shout, and keep him on his toes so he doesn't catch on that we're playing him for a fool. Next, Keith will use his Switch-Shot to hit strategic points on his armor. When Taylor's done with his shout, I'll run back in and do the same thing. Rin, that's your signal to cast Arcane Intellect to get his aggro off Taylor. Can you get me some numbers, Keith?"

Keith wrote something on a piece of paper.

"Yeah, I'd say we're looking at a 32.33 repeating of course, percent chance of survival."

"Well, that's a lot better than we usually do, so I think we're good! Anything else we're forgetting?"

However, Kazuma also noticed their resident Crusader running in first.

"In the words of the famous hero from Kazuma's country, LEEROY JENKINS!" she screamed.

"Oh my gosh, she just ran in there!" said Dust. "Let's go guys, stick to the plan!"

"Gosh dammit Darkness!" Kazuma exclaimed. "I knew I shouldn't have told them that story!"
"Stick to the plan, guys, stick to the plan!" Dust shouted, whilst fruitlessly attempting to pull Beldia off of Darkness. Apparently, her aggro-pulling song was a lot stronger than his.

"Ah, a Crusader!" Beldia cackled. "I've been looking forward to a good sword-fight!"

Darkness pulled back for a starting blow, while Beldia prepared to parry…

And she missed by a massive margin. Two nearby rocks were destroyed, however.

"What?" he said. "You're terrible at this!"

"Darkness, you moron!" Kazuma screamed.

Meanwhile, Dust and his party were attempting to execute their plan, which was more or less foiled by Darkness' attempt.

"Come, is that all you got?" she said, taking blow after blow from Beldia's sword. "I knew it! You're even more of a degenerate than I presumed!"

"Yes, wait, what?" said Beldia, momentarily distracted.

"Instead of pulling off my armor, you intend to strip away with repeated blows in specific spots!"

"What is wrong with you, woman?" he said.

"She's taking the aggro, now Taylor!"

"INTIMIDATING SHOUT!" Taylor shouted.

"Ack!" said Beldia. "Why would you shout if I'm right here?"

"It's a very literal named spell!" said Dust, drawing Beldia's attention away.

"Why can I only focus on one of you at a time?"

"Huh, maybe I should consider getting that spell." Kazuma tapped his chin.

Beldia brought his sword up to deal one last blow. Darkness helplessly raised the Cursed Sword Gram to block.

CLANG

"Eh?" said Beldia. Darkness stared incredulously at her new sword.

"Cursed Sword Gram, I now bestow upon you a far more appropriate name: Indestructible!"

Note: The name Indestructible is English being said by a native Japanese speaker.

"You have fought well!" Beldia said, batting away one of the adventurers. "But now is the time for me to unveil my unique Boss Skill! Aptly named: The World!"

Note: Yep. It's "Za Warudo." Look up Patrick Seitz's roles if you don't get the joke.

"Kazuma, a Boss Skill is…" Aqua started to say, but Kazuma stopped her.

"Just shut up for once. If you set up too much hype, he'll be even stronger!"

"Eh?"

"Also, is that a Persona reference?"

Beldia firmly grasped his head as another wave of adventurers started running at him.

"Behold, The World!" he shouted, tossing his head into the air. Kazuma gasped when it froze above him, staring directly downward. The next moment, Beldia twirled about and slaughtered every last adventurer with a single slash with perfect execution.

His head fell down and landed in his arms.

"Hah! I bet you're all extremely confused! Well, you'll never figure out the secret to…"

"Everyone!" Kazuma interrupted. "That Skill clearly allows him to see all possible angles at once, while accelerating his perception of time allowing him to essentially stop time!"

"What?" said Beldia. "How did you…"

"It's incredibly obvious, from the birds-eye view to the glowing eyes!" said Kazuma. "In fact, you sound a lot like a certain someone who has a similar power!"

"What? I have no idea what you're talking about…"

"Wait, that's his ability?" said Dust. "Thanks Kazuma! I was kinda confused!"

"Are you serious? Argh! It doesn't matter! Crusader, you're next!"

"Have at it!" said Darkness. The two charged at one another, exchanging blows, although all of the blows came from Beldia onto Darkness.

"Stop it!" said Kazuma. "You can't win against him!"

"I am a holy knight!" she said, taking another hit. "It is my duty to protect everyone I care about! Besides, I assure that this monster has far worse intentions for this scene!"

"Stop these inane assumptions about me!"

"Create water!" Kazuma shot his spell at the dullahan.

"Gah!" Beldia backflipped away from the water.

"What? You intend to use temperature play?" said Darkness. "What vile things are you two planning?"

'NOTHING!" said both Kazuma and Beldia simultaneously.

"Anyway, now that that's done, Freeze!" Kazuma tossed out some white magic, causing the puddle around Beldia's feet to become ice, freezing his boots in place.

"Gah! I'm stuck!"

"And now it's time for the finishing touch! Steal!"

When the light faded, nothing happened. Beldia chuckled.

"Well, that's cute. A pathetic attempt at strategy. Mind you, it's still fairly impressive you've survived this long. But you still have to die!"

"Not as long I have anything to say about it!" said Chris. She dashed by and grabbed Kazuma before Beldia could use his sword.

Dang, that's a good line.

Chris tossed a few throwing knives at Beldia before he could react, before she dropped Kazuma and ran off ninja-style.

"Not bad," said Beldia. "But you are too late! Once I finish off the rest of you, I'll finally get back to my enjoyable lifestyle of traveling about whilst carrying out the Devil King's orders!"

Come on Kazuma, think! How do I defeat this guy? If this was an RPG, he'd have some kind of weakness! What did he do… he dodged the water...

"Create Water!" he suddenly shouted. Beldia hopped out of the way again.

"Gah! What are you doing?"

"Everyone! His weakness is water!"

"Eh?"

The next thing he realized, everyone was casting water spells, which he proceeded to dance around like a deranged ballet dancer.

"Uh, what are you guys doing?" said Aqua. "If you need water, you could've just asked me! For I am the goddess…"

"Just do it, you useless goddess!"

"Stop calling me useless!"

"The point is, we need to hit him with as much water as possible!"

Aqua humphed and began to cast, whilst the fight that slowly began to resemble a child's water battle continued.

Suddenly, Darkness' eyes widened before she made a break for the town.

"Hey, where are you going… gah!" he said, when he saw the torrent rushing towards him. "Curse my inability to focus on more than one thing!" Beldia screamed before he was slammed in the face with water.

"Okay, that's enough Aqua! Aqua?" Kazuma panicked and ran into Axel, but the massive waves enveloped him anyway.

"AAAAAGH!"

"HELP ME! I CAN'T SWIM!"

"I KNOW HOW TO SWIM BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY MANA SO I'M BASICALLY IMMOBALIZED!"

"MEGUMIN? OVER HERE!"

Kazuma grabbed Megumin, and she clung to his back for dear life, as he perilously tossed about in Aqua's flood.

Finally, the water settled and the five of them were back on the ground. Unfortunately, so was Beldia.

"Ngh!" he said, struggling to hold his body up. "I'm impressed. You managed to find my weakness. But no matter! I'll still defeat you!"

"He's weak!" said Aqua. "Chris, go finish him off!"

"With pleasure!" Chris drew her blade

The crowd was gone, thanks to Aqua, and there was no one around Kazuma's party, aside from Beldia.

"I'm gonna make you suffer so much, even Darkness wouldn't be able to handle it!" she grinned evilly, Kazuma could almost swear she was giving off some unholy light.

"Uh, is that an enchanted dagger? Hey, get that thing away!" Beldia backed off. "And why are you looking at me so creepily?"

"Hey, wait!" said a new voice.

The five of them noticed Wiz running towards them. "Don't kill him yet!"

"Wiz?" said Megumin. Beldia's eyes widened.

"Wiz! Oh thank the Devil King, you've come to save me!"

"What?" said Kazuma.

"Look, I know we haven't exactly gotten along in the past, but I could really use a solid here! You know, one Devil King General to another,"

"What?"" said Kazuma.

"It's pretty simple, just do something about this crazy thief girl! Used your Cursed Crystal Prison or something! Please, she's gonna obliterate me!" he begged her, whilst backing away from Chris.

"Like she'd care about you… wait, what did she say?"

"Wiz?" said Kazuma. "What's this guy talking about?"

"You mean I didn't mention it earlier?" she said. "I'm the a Devil King General, Wiz the Ice Lich,"

Silence followed.

"Bind!" exclaimed Chris. A flurry of ropes flew from her hands, tying up Wiz in a tight grip.

"Gah!" she said. Aqua's smile grew.

"This is a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Two Devil King Generals in one fell swoop!" she said.

"Hold the phone!" Kazuma butted in. "Let's give her a chance to explain for a moment!"

"Thank you!" said Wiz. "I'm only a general in the barest of senses! I don't actually hurt anyone! And I don't destroy things either! I just help sustain the barrier around the Devil King's castle!"

"She's right!" said Beldia. "She's so harmless, we don't even bother challenging her to sparring matches! It's probably been multiple years since she last used her Boss Skill! Although, don't get me wrong, she's probably stronger than I am!"

"I'm flattered," said Wiz, rolling her eyes.

"I see," Kazuma tapped his chin. "I suppose we can let her go,"

"WHAT?" said Chris and Aqua simultaneously. "But Kazuma..."

"No buts about it! She's our friend! Sort of… but more importantly, what do we do with Beldia?" Kazuma said as he untied Wiz.

"Uh…" Beldia seemed lost for words. "I know this looks bad, but maybe we can come to some kind of agreement?"

"Forget about it!" said Chris. She jumped and tackled him to the ground, the weakened Beldia putting up little resistance. "Aqua, turn this guy into undead salad!"

"My pleasure!" said Aqua, preparing her God Blow.

"Wait!" he said. "Wiz! Please give me a hand here! I'll do anything! I'll relinquish my power on the barrier, I'll disband my army, I'll release my prisoners, I'll stop rolling my head under your skirt, I'll even work in that shop of yours! Just please make them spare me!"

"Really?" Wiz looked incredulously.

"You know I never actually killed those people, I just said it to look cool! And I can revive those other adventurers, no sweat!"

"Well…" Wiz tapped her chin. "Okay, fine. Aqua, Chris, stop it."

"Like I'd listen to another filthy undead!" said Aqua. Chris was already drawing back with her dagger.

"Do as she says, you two!" said Kazuma.

"WHAT?" said Chris and Aqua simultaneously. "But Kazuma..."

"No buts about it, he's Wiz's problem now. Besides, we can just say we killed him,"

"Oh yeah…" said Megumin. "Well, I'm sold,"

"Me too," said Darkness.

"Looks like the people have spoken," said Kazuma.

Chris glared at him before releasing Beldia.

"Oh, thank you so much! You truly have a heart of gold!" Beldia scooped Wiz up into a hug. The lich was somewhat overwhelmed by the sudden act of affection.

"You're welcome?" she said.

"I swear upon my honor that I have the utmost gratitude for you my friend! Now to make good on my promise," he pointed near the adventurers he killed. "Animate body and soul!"

As he said it, the dead adventures suddenly got to their feet, healthy as ever. Beldia turned back to the others.

"The barrier no longer has my support," he said to Kazuma. "And, I'll be leaving my castle," he turned to Megumin. "So feel free to blow it up anytime you like. I wouldn't want you dying because you can't cast your spell."

"Really? Thanks!" she said, her eyes lighting up with delight. "I've been needing a good target. I need something big and hard or I won't be satisfied…"

Beldia simply laughed. Kazuma noticed the dullahan's own eyes glowing with a similar crimson hue.

"Well, I suppose we'll be on our way!" said Wiz. "Feel free to drop by and browse any time!"

"Alright, let's get moving!" said Beldia. "I'll summon my spectral chariot…"

"Oh, there's no need. It's only a short walk away," she pointed in a direction. The two of them walked off.

"Huh," said Kazuma. "Well, that was certainly a satisfying conclusion,"

"I still think we should've Turned both of them…" Chris pouted.

"I'm sorry, did you and Aqua swap brains or something?"

A while later…

"And then, Chris and I use Sacred Turn Undead on the dullahan to finish him off!" Aqua proudly recounted her semi-abridged version of what happened.

The guild hall erupted into applause for the five party members. The ones who were revived by Beldia, whom Aqua claimed to have resurrected herself, were especially thankful.

Just then, Luna, the receptionist walked up to the party.

"For defeating the Devil King's General, the guild has prepared a special reward for the five of you,"

"Us?" said Kazuma.

"The guild voted, we all agreed that we couldn't have defeated Beldia without your truly amazing quick-thinking and clever tactics!" she said. "Thus, the guild of Axel awards you three-hundred million eris!"

"THREE-HUNDRED-MILLION?" the five of them said simultaneously.

Another round of applause for them, coupled with quite a few requests for drinks.

"That's enough money to live to take an early retirement at fifty-years-old!" said Aqua. "Or enough for an entire army to defeat the Devil King…"

Luna handed Kazuma a piece of paper.

"Woah, that's a lot of zeroes…" he said. "Hey wait a second!"

Luna smiled apologetically.

"Well… the water you summoned sort of caused a lot of flood damage, and we also voted that you should pay for… some of it,"

Aqua glanced at the paper and gasped.

"After deducting our rewards, we owe the guild forty-million eris?" she exclaimed.

"Aw come on!" said Chris. "We were almost out of debt, and now we're even deeper? I swear, this world hates me!"

"Isn't that my line?" said Kazuma.

"Uh… I don't know?" Chris shrugged.

Another while later.

Kazuma rested his head in the pile of hay, Megumin on his left, Chris on his right.

"I don't believe it." he said. "All that hard work, and we're still back at zero."

"At least it was sorta fun?" said Chris. Megumin glared at her.

"Fun? At this point, I'd go an entire day without casting Explosion for a comfy bed." she said.

"Really?" said Kazuma.

"Well, I'd probably just wait until I got the bed and then cast Explosion." she blushed and admitted.

Kazuma's eyes widened. Was she always that cute-looking? Maybe I really can salvage this…

"Well, at least I still have my staff…" she rested her cheek against her large wooden pole. "Oh… such magical power… the girth is just perfect!"

Nevermind, personality trumps all!

"Cheer up you two!" said Chris. "The worst we can do is give up, right?"

"I suppose…" Kazuma sighed.

"And in addition to that…" Chris shuffled a bit closer to Kazuma. "We still have each other!"

Aw crap, my virgin heart wasn't prepared for a line like that! The worst part is that she isn't crazy like my other party members, well except that undead thing. But other than that, she's a kind and sensible girl, not to mention absolutely gorgeous. Does… does that mean Chris is the heroine of this story? I wouldn't mind that… gah! Don't get ahead of yourself. Just… try and advance slowly.

Kazuma put his arm around her, a subtle indication for her to move closer to which she did.

Yikes… is she eager or what? Aw what the heck, who else is here that I could possibly date?

Kazuma noticed a pair of glowing scarlet eyes right behind him, in addition to something small clutching his back.

Wait a minute… have I been developing a harem? I guess I could work with that…