A/N: This is my answer to Jackie's challenge. It takes place during the episode "Death Watch," which is the one where Harm goes after Diane's killer.

Night and Day

0345 Local

Naval Station Norfolk

Norfolk, VA

His lips are warm on mine, a stark contrast to the cool, damp air around us. His tongue sweeps across the entrance of my mouth and I open for him, my eyes fluttering shut as our tongues tangle with each other. He tastes of expensive cigars and spice, along with something that is so uniquely Harm, and I start to lose myself in his kiss. It would be so easy just to fall into his arms, beg him to make love to me, but I know he's not really here.

He's with her.

In the months I've been at JAG, I've caught Harm staring at me intently several times in a way that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. One could imagine it was because he finds me attractive or alluring, or perhaps even a mystery to unravel, but somehow, I always knew he wasn't really seeing me.

He was seeing Diane, though I didn't know it at the time.

I do now…

Finding Diane Schonke's picture in Harm's apartment last night answered so many questions: why he'd looked like he'd seen a ghost when we'd first met, why he'd admitted to déjà vu as we traveled through the Arizona desert to find my uncle, and why he'd watch me with that lost expression on his face.

From our time in the desert, I'd known that he'd lost someone that looked like me, but I'd never expected that the woman he'd considered spending his life with was practically my twin. As I held Diane's picture, I'd almost felt dizzy, sick, like the world was closing in on me. I knew I was seeing the reason that Harmon Rabb, Jr kept so much of himself from me, and he'd never be with me like I wanted, and it was all I could do not to start crying in his apartment.

You see, I've fallen for him. For Harm. And now this kiss we're sharing…it's breaking my heart, even as our lips continue to move over each other. I don't want it to end, ever, because he'll pull away and find I'm the inferior carbon copy of the love of his life.

Diane Schonke sounds like she was everything I am not. She was bubbly, smiled often, and had a slew of friends all over the world. Meanwhile, I've always been a loner; I can't count how many times people have told me I'm too 'serious', and this is the first posting I've had where I've actually let myself make true friends. The man currently kissing me has a lot to do with that; I've opened up to him in ways I never have before, and in doing so, I've found it's been easier to let others in, especially Bud and Harriet.

And yet…what was it Harm said to me about Diane's and my personalities? Like night and day? How can I compete with that? A man who once basked in the sunlight of Diane Schonke is not going to want a woman who lives in shades of darkness.

Our kiss eventually ends, and I open my eyes as he pulls away. He looks confused for a moment, and then I see understanding dawning in his eyes. To spare him the awkwardness of having to apologize and explain himself, I let him off the hook:

"I know," I say gently. "You were kissing her." His expression is sad now as he turns away from me, just before he brushes past me and walks toward where police and rescue personnel are already gathering. After a moment, I follow, eventually catching up with him, and despite the fact that we walk inches from each other, I know he's a million miles away.

It's a long ride back to DC, and he's silent the entire ride. I'd insisted on driving, letting Bud take my Jeep, hoping Harm would either open up to me or sleep, but he's done neither. He's just been staring straight ahead, while the windshield wipers slash across in front of him, and I don't know what to say to make this easier for him.

For my part, I can still feel his lips on mine, and it rather kills me that I'll never experience that again. I'll always be paying for the sin of having her face, even though he denied resenting me for looking like her. But then, how can he not—especially after last night.

Something else happened then…something that I haven't let myself examine to deeply yet, but now that the only sound is the rain that started up again about a mile outside of Norfolk, I have nothing else to do but think.

We were in his loft, discussing the investigation into Diane's murder. Among the main players was one Commander Allison Krennick. From Bud, I learned that she'd chased after Harm mercilessly, and when I asked Harm about it, he said something that felt like a knife in my gut.

Well, Mac, I wouldn't get involved with a superior officer any more than you would.

The way his eyes burned into mine, I know he was thinking about John Farrow, and I know Harm was daring me to confess to my affair with him. It was obvious Harm suspected something during John's case last year. He'd accused me of being unable to be objective about John, and while the woman in me would have had difficulty with that, the marine lawyer in me knew her duty. His accusation was unfair, but now I wonder if his concerns about my objectivity went deeper than just the case. Later in our conversation, I'd remarked that I couldn't believe that he'd been investigating a murder for two years without me knowing it. You never kept a secret from me? he'd asked, but I didn't respond to it. He was talking about Farrow again, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why he feels that's such a slight.

Or maybe he was just trying to rile me up so I'd let him go and kill Holbarth. That's probably it. I glance over at him and I'm shocked to see he's now staring at me. "What, Harm?"

He doesn't say anything as his stare makes me squirm, and I'm relieved that I'm obligated to watch the road as I drive. I can still feel his eyes on me, however, and I want to snap at him to go back to thinking about her and leave me alone. "Harm, seriously, what?" I finally ask and I hear more than see him shrug.

"You look so much like her…but…" I can't read his tone, but his words cause my eyes to sting with tears.

"But I'm not. I know. Night and day. I'm sorry, Harm. I know me wearing this uniform must be difficult for you too." I wish I'd had something else to change into before we left Norfolk.

"It's…disconcerting," he answers and all I can do is apologize again as we finally pull up to his building.

"Mac, don't. Don't apologize. It isn't your fault…and…I know…I know I would have killed him if you hadn't been there."

His admission shocks me. I turn toward him and he nods. "Yeah, I would have, Mac."

I have no idea what to say to that and silence in Harm's car grows thick and awkward. "Well," I say eventually. "As wrong as it would have been…I guess we all hope for someone to love us as much as you love Diane…someone who'd be willing to sacrifice so much." His eyes hold mine for several painful moments until he turns away with a simple, 'yeah' and gets out of the car.

I close my eyes and will my heart to hold it together for a few more minutes before I open the car door and follow him. When we get to the door to his apartment and I hand him his keys. "I'll say goodbye here, Harm. I'm gonna call a cab. Bud's going to pick me up later in my Jeep and then we'll get his car from JAG." Thank goodness it's Saturday. It would be miserable to have to report to work after the night we've had.

"Mac, no…come up and get some coffee. It's the least I can do after…" He looks sincere, and despite my better judgement, I agree.

When we get up to his apartment, he's obviously exhausted so I tell him to go sit on his couch while I make us some tea instead of coffee. He acquiesces, and by the time I have the water going, he's dozed off. I go back to his kitchen and turn off the stove, deciding to return to my earlier plan of calling a cab and waiting outside for it. I circle back to the couch and cover him up with a blanket that he keeps folded up there and I start to move away…

Only to have his hand shoot out and grab my wrist. I turn back to him, and his eyes are open and a little wild. "Harm?"

"Please don't leave me," he says rather plaintively, and I let him pull me back to the couch. I sit next to him and he nods as he lets go of me, and I can see him start to drift off again. I shift a bit, preparing to stand back up and leave, and suddenly he's calling to me again. Well, not to me…I know he's calling for Diane and I only hope I can keep it together long enough for him to really fall asleep so I can leave. This is too painful and it hurts too much. I think fleetingly that I should ask for a transfer, but to where, I don't know. Being a JAG headquarters is a dream assignment and I'd be a fool to give that up. As I look back at Harm, though, I'm not sure I can stay.

Finally, he appears to have sunk into a deeper slumber and I carefully ease off the couch. I grab my things and go, softly and carefully closing the door behind me.

I do manage to keep control of myself during my cab ride home, but after I pay him, I rush up to my apartment and let the tears fall. I decide I may as well cry in a relaxing bath, so I get the water going, adding some lavender oil to it, and then I head to my bedroom to strip Harriet's spare uniform off of me. I don my softest, fluffiest robe and return to the bathroom to find the water ready. I'm just about to step into the tub when I hear a frantic pounding on my door. I slip the robe back on and I'm surprised to see Harm through the peephole.

"Harm, what are you—" I start to say as I pull open the door. He steps in and brushes past me, walking to the center of the room as I close the door again. "Harm?"

Suddenly he whirls on me. "You left!" He stalks to my side and glares down at me. "I asked you not to leave."

I can't stop my eyes from filling with tears. "You asked her not to leave, not me." His eyes widen in confusion at my words and I continue. "You were asking for Diane." A few tears escape down my cheek and Harm reaches for me to brush them aside with his thumb.

"Mac…no…"

"Harm, please…it—it's okay. You can't help it. I look like her, but…but I can't be her. I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be her, Mac. When I kissed you—"

"I know. I told you, I know you were kissing her. You know, maybe I should ask for a transfer. This isn't fair to you."

"What?!"

"It'll be easier for you…I'll go back to Quantico—"

"Mac—"

"I'm sure Admiral Chegwidden will approve—"

"Mac!"

"I'll talk to him on Monday—"

Suddenly, Harm grabs me and pulls me to him. His lips crash down on mine, and then our tongues are tangling again as his hands move up and down my back. When we finally break apart to catch our breath, he gazes into my eyes. "Night and day," he whispers, and my tears fall again.

"I'll never be day," I sniffle.

"Mac…I just want you to be you. Come here." He guides me toward my couch and pulls me down next to him. "Mac…when I kissed you in Norfolk, yes…I'll admit, I could see Diane…but I knew it was you the second our lips met. I know I should have stopped it then, but I couldn't. There's something here…" He motions in between us. "I can feel it…and it has nothing to do with Diane. I think I've finally let her go. I did love her, but…well, in all the years I knew her, all the times we managed to get together…I never opened up to her the way I have with you, and that has nothing to do with how you look. Besides…you really don't look all that alike…"

That makes me snort. If I didn't know any better, if I didn't know she was at least four years older than me, I would have sworn we were twins separated at birth.

"I'm serious, Mac. Your eyes…there's more gold in them. Your lips—" He reaches out and strokes a thumb across them. "Your lips are fuller. And when you smile, it…well, it makes me tingle. Maybe because you do it so rarely…no, Mac, I'm not telling you should smile more…but even the first time I saw Diane smile, it didn't hit me that way." He leans away again with a sigh. "I guess what I'm trying to say here, Mac, is that…I'm feeling something…more for you."

All I can do is stare, my mouth hanging open. This is Harmon Rabb, Jr, telling me he has 'feelings' for me. This is not what I expected this morning, and so I sit in stunned silence.

"Maac…" he groans. "Please…say something."

I shake my head. "I—I don't know what to say, Harm." And I really don't. Part of me wants to throw myself at him, have my way with him, but the other part knows we have a few issues to work through, one being my relationship with John Farrow. Obviously, that's been bothering him; I don't know if it is because I didn't tell him about my affair or it's just the affair itself, but obviously we need to clear the air. And, even though he's telling me he's let Diane go, it can't be that easy. I mean, he was willing to kill someone to avenge her death. That reckless behavior scares me a bit, and we're going to have to talk that out.

I'm lost in thought, so I don't realize right away that Harm is no longer sitting beside me. It looks like he's actually about to leave! "Harm?" I call after him, and to my relief, he stops and turns toward me.

"Mac, I'm sorry…I'll go…I shouldn't have put all that on you, especially after what just happened. Look, I'll see you on Monday. Friends?"

I'm confused at his sudden turn and I'm really too tired to think right now anyway. "What? Harm, no…" I see his shoulders slump in defeat, so I quickly try to backpedal. "No, I mean, Harm…don't go. I—I feel it too…about us. I think, though, that we need to talk about a few things before we can go any further." Harm nods tentatively and starts to slowly make his way back to me.

"I agree, Mac."

"And right now, you and I both are exhausted and I really think you're too tired to drive. Let's just…well, why don't we just go lay down and take a nap for a while. We'll both be in a better state."

Harm nods in agreement. "I'll just crash on the couch."

"You'll do no such thing," I admonish him. "It's not like we haven't shared the same space before, and besides, the bed is big enough." I can tell Harm is thinking it over and then with a little flyboy grin, he takes my hand.

"You sure, Mac? After all this?"

I smile back and pull him in for an embrace. "I'm sure. Please, Harm." I wrap my arms tightly around him. "Please don't leave me."

And he never does.

End