~*~

            Nadia straightened.  She realized that she, too, had fallen asleep.  Her mother had drifted off a while before her and was still sleeping now.  Nadia opened the window and straightened the covers around Kairi by the long wavelengths of sunset that streamed in.  It was no longer dark in that room.

            It was quiet outside the bedroom.  Nadia could hear the doctor moving around in Jalen's room.  She knew the new baby was there, but it was in poor health and she wasn't sure if she was allowed to see it yet.  Nadia folded in on herself a little, clasped her hands to her chest and murmured a prayer that he or she would make it through.

            There wasn't any noise downstairs.  Nadia went and opened all the windows and started some water boiling over the fire to make tea.  She figured Selphie and Tidus must have returned home.  Edgar too, maybe.  That left Sora and Jalen…

            Nadia didn't really mind being alone.  Her mother had given her a lot to process.  She was mainly thinking about herself, and how much she disliked the person she had become since her father's death…

            She happened to glance over at the counter.  There was a broken mug near the wall.  A few ants were crawling around the area, which meant that the mug's contents had spilled and dried there.  Nadia went about cleaning up the mess and managed to cut her palm just as she threw away the last porcelain shard.  She cursed her own clumsiness.  Her wound bled.

            As she was searching for something to bandage her hand with, the door creaked open.  To her surprise, it was Edgar.  He was carrying a bucket of freshly caught fish, but the expression he wore was dismal.  Jalen soon entered, apparently in a similar mood.  Then the front door opened and there were hushed voices inside the house.  Nadia looked to Edgar, trying to silently prod answers from him.

            "How about we make dinner?" was all Edgar said, choosing not to be helpful.  He placed the bucket down heavily on the counter and a little seawater splashed out onto the floor.  He murmured an apology and began to sop it up with a nearby towel, the same towel Nadia had been using moments earlier.  When the young man stood, he caught sight of her bandaged hand and the bright red leaking through to the surface.  He gave a start.

            "I cut myself when I was cleaning up something," Nadia told him, continuing to wrap the cloth bandage tighter and tighter.  She bit her lip hard, knowing it was just a superficial wound and the pain would soon fade…

            Edgar merely cast sad eyes on her and then started shuffling through drawers until he found a proper knife.  He began to gut the fish with a quick and precise hand.  Nadia was a little startled; she suspected an upper-class, well-dressed, pale-skinned boy like Edgar would not be used to be getting his hands dirty—especially in something's innards.

            Nadia removed the kettle and then retrieved a metal rack from the cabinet and set it over the fire.  She found the porcelain teapot and went about brewing the refreshment.

            When the fish were ready, Edgar set them on the rack and sprinkled some juice and seasoning over them.  Nadia commented that she wasn't aware he knew how to cook, and he explained he had had his chef at home teach him a few tricks before leaving.

            "Believe me…  Up until a few months ago, I hardly knew how to make a decent sandwich," he told her, lowering his head with humility.

            Nadia smiled slightly, and it felt good to ignore the oppression of the big house, at least for a small moment.  She could still hear the ominous murmur of voices a few rooms away.  Jalen had left, perhaps to investigate.

            "So how is your mother doing?" Edgar asked as he finished washing his hands after he'd disposed of the less desirable parts of the fish.

            "I think she's okay," the girl replied, her back to him as she began slicing some bread.  Nadia paused momentarily.  "She told me a lot of things I never knew before."

            Edgar made a noise of acknowledgement, but it seemed he wasn't quite sure what to say.

            "About her past and that kind of stuff.  About my father and her…and Sora."  She tightened her grip on the knife.  She had hated Sora for so long, she couldn't just stop.  Her wrists were still bruised, weren't they?

            Nadia got out a platter and set some small teacups on it.  She would bring some for her mother, the doctor, Sora…

            "I believe you need one more," Edgar said.

            "Hmm?"

            "You have a guest."

            She eyed him strangely and set down another cup.

            "Watch the fish, would you, Edgar?  I'm going to bring the adults some tea."

            "As you wish, my lady," he replied, performing a formal bow.

~*~

            Sora guided his mother into the sitting room and helped the woman ease back into the couch.  Jalen crawled over and sat in her lap.  The woman, who had pushed her veil over the back of her head, wiped her eyes a little, even though they were dry.

            Her son wondered if she was so accustomed to crying that she failed to notice her eyes had run out of tears.

            "And how are things here?" Andra wondered, cradling Jalen affectionately.  "I've been going on about your father so much…  I should have thought to ask before."

           "Actually…"  Sora sighed.  "Things have been really bad the past few days, Mom.  I wouldn't have told you because you have so much else to worry about, but since you're here…"

            She looked up and cast her mother's eyes on him, her forehead wrinkling with concern.  "What is it, Sora?"

            "Nadia blew up at me—oh, when was it?"  I've lost track of time, he realized.  Things have gone by so fast and then slow…  It's…surreal.  Was it really only yesterday that Nadia and I argued?

            "You two had a fight?" pressed his mother.

            "Yes.  She was angry at me…said I was trying to be her father.  It was pretty ugly…"  He tried not to remember the red-hot blade of her accusations as it had burned into his heart.  "She said Kairi and I were responsible for Riku…you know…"  Sora sighed again—for probably the tenth time since he'd started his explanation.  He looked to his mother's face, wondering if she would understand about the monster being released.  Would she grow fearful towards him, as Kairi had?

            Sora shrugged it off.  Now was not the time to explain such things.  Maybe he would try later…

            "Kairi got pretty upset and…she went into labor early."

            "Oh, dear…"

            "Tidus went and got the doctor, and Selphie helped Kairi through the night.  He was delivered at about noon today…  It's almost a month early."

            "So is he doing all right?"

            "He's so small…"  Sora remembered holding the tiny child in his arms after he was cleaned off.  Kairi had been unconscious then…  The baby had been so small, maybe the size of Sora's hand, and looked almost purple.  But he'd been breathing, and even had produced a faint cry.

            "The doctor is with him now, to watch over him.  We're supposed to keep everything around him very clean."

            It was then that Nadia entered the room, her fingers curled tightly around the edges of a platter of teacups.  She seemed startled upon seeing Andra, but regained her balance quickly.  Around her hand was a tightly wound cloth bandage.

            "Nadia, darling," Sora's mother said gently, holding out one arm.  "Come here."

            "Hi, Andra," Nadia greeted uncertainly.  She set down the tray and accepted a hug.

            "Sora here was just telling me about your new brother," Andra said, shifting Jalen in her lap.

            "So it's a boy?  I didn't know yet."

            "He's beautiful," Sora told her.

            "I brought you guys some tea," Nadia announced, turning her back to the adults.  She removed two cups from the tray and set them on the table.  "These are for the doctor and Mom," she explained, lifting the platter again.

            When Nadia had left, Andra turned back to her son.

            "You know, you were born a couple weeks early, too."

            "Really?  I didn't know that."

            "Gave us quite a fright," she admitted, the look in her eyes growing distant.  "But you were a fighter.  In only a year you were bigger and stronger than the other babies your age, and just look at you now."  She returned to the present and touched his face with a wrinkled fingertips.  "Such a handsome and strong man I have for a son."

            "Thanks, Mom," Sora said, humbled by the bright and proud look his mother was giving him.

            "Your father and I met when I was twenty-five.  It was a slow courtship, you know…"  She shook her head.  "He was always so stubborn.  After we finally got married, I told him I wanted a big family.  He told me we could have however big a family I wanted, since I would be the one delivering the children."  Andra was softly smiling once more.  It was the first smile Sora had seen since her arrival.  "We tried for years…  There were so many times I was sure I was pregnant…  But I was wrong…every time…

            "I think fate was making sure I got you, Sora.  The best son I could have asked for."

            Sora could not meet her eyes.  She was so proud of him.  But she had no idea of the terror that lurked deep inside of him, did she?  Would her feelings be different if she knew the whole truth?

            "When you came early, they told me you only had a fifty percent chance of survival.  I was already older than any first-time mother I knew.  I said, 'No, you're lying.  He's got a hundred percent chance.  Why?  Because I say so.'  And your father glared at the doctors—scared those poor men half to death!—and said the baby would live, or there'd be Hell to pay.

            "So they took very special care of you, and here you are.  I couldn't ask for anything more beautiful than this…to know that my son is well."

            Her grandson struggled in her lap, clutching at her slightly wrinkled neck with both of his slightly chubby, five-year-old's arms.

            "Oh, and my son's family, too, little Jalen."

            The boy seemed content with that.

            Mom…  I wish I could tell you everything about me.  But now's not the time.  I want to be there for you, now that Dad is gone…

            "Excuse me," Edgar announced from the kitchen doorway.  "Dinner is served."

            Someday, I'll explain everything…

~*~

            Kairi awoke very early the next morning.  Perhaps it was because she had slept almost all of the previous day.  It had to be five or six in the morning now.  She imagined everyone else would be asleep.  She thought of her precious little baby, who she had not yet seen, and worried for him.

            She looked around the room in that special light of early morning; someone had left the window open above her.  There was also an extinguished candle, a cold cup of tea, and a cold dinner of fish, bread, and salad.  People had been concerned for her, Kairi realized.  She couldn't remember anything being brought, though; her last memories were of that long talk with Nadia.

            There was also some clean water and a towel near the bed.  Kairi found the strength to get herself up and washed.  She changed her underclothes and tied a simple baby blue bathrobe around her body.  She also took the time to pull the dirty sheets off her bed and pile them up, together with the towel, for laundry.

            Kairi went to the other window in her room, the one near the vanity.  She gazed down on the beach and the crashing waves so far below.  The morning breeze played with her short hair, curling the wet strands around her chin and ears.  At first she fought this, rearranging the hair with quick, thin fingers.  The wind persisted and she at last gave in, allowing it to style her hair as it pleased.

            She realized she didn't have much strength in her, not yet.  She leaned heavily on her elbows, and sighed.

            "Kairi?"

            She recognized Sora's voice immediately.  Why she hadn't heard the door open or his footsteps creak across the wooden floorboards?  She was faintly aware that Sora had been with her most of that night she was in labor, but only faintly.  She had no real memories of that time.  Her last clear memory was of her husband saying that he would leave…forever…

The joy from my heart at our sudden meeting says

"Maybe it'll be over before I know it..." those forebodings scare me

            "It's pretty early, isn't it?  What are you doing up?"

            "I could be asking you the same thing," Kairi replied, hugging the windowsill tightly as she stood crouched over it.  She tried to ignore the sting of tears in the corners of her eyes.

            "Couldn't sleep…  Too worried about…everything."

            The tears began to run down her cheeks.  They were hot.

            "Can I sit down, Kairi?  You don't mind, do you?"

            "Go right ahead," she said rather flatly in an attempt to keep the sadness from her voice.

            She could hear the mattress absorb Sora's weight as he sank down onto it.

And then I was gazing into your eyes

Without understanding anything

            "I hope you don't mind me being here, Kairi.  I thought you'd be asleep.  I would have just…watched over you for a while…"  He sounded very wistful.

            Kairi ran her tongue across dry lips.  No words came to her.

            "I don't mind you being here, Sora.  I thought you were going to leave, though…  Forever…"

            "I meant to."

            "Are you going to leave, then…?"  She felt a little scared as she tried to anticipate his reply.  "When this is all over?"

            "If you want, Kairi.  If you would feel safer without me."

They're not forever changing, so how many phantoms,

Like memories and dreams, could you file away?

            Her heart felt as though it were being squeezed.  How…  How could I feel safe without you, Sora…?

            "You were frightened of me…"

            "That person I was scared of, but not the you I've known all my life."

            "That's just what I'm worried about, Kairi…" Sora murmured.  Kairi realized that the man was behind her, that his hands were hovering just above her shoulders.

            She turned carefully so she was practically in his arms, but the two hesitated and did not touch one another.  It was very tense, and Kairi held her face down so he would not see her hot tears.

            "He is a part of me…  A part of me I thought had died a long time ago."

            A part of you…

            "A part of me I wish didn't exist."

            A part of you, the man I love…

            "But he does exist.  Deep inside my heart he's there, Kairi.  He's a monster.  A monster…"  The words must have been so sickening to him; he almost gagged as they came out.  "A monster born in the darkness…  I think…  I think I gave up hope so many times back then, and I needed something…inhuman…to take over and preserve my body…"

            Sora was speaking quietly at that time, in harsh whispers.

And now I gazed into your eyes

Without changing anything

            "You don't need a monster to take care of you anymore," Kairi murmured, spreading the fingers on one hand and pressing them against his heart.  "You have me, don't you?"  She gazed up into his eyes.  He looked frightened, then, almost like a lost little boy.  Her heart called out to his.

            "But what…what if I hurt you—or the children?"

            She shook her head.  "I know you wouldn't.  Still…  I'm here for you, Sora.    I've been looked after so many times…  I want us to take care of one another.  We can banish this monster together…can't we?"

            "Kairi…"

            "There's nothing to be afraid of, Sora," she whispered, leaning her face against his chest and encircling his body with her arms.  "Just as long as we're together, we can overcome anything."

If I close my eyes, I want to hold

Your vanishing body once more in my arms

            She touched the pendant around her neck, the keepsake she had loaned Sora so long ago.  He had returned it to her eight years ago, and she had worn it ever since the moment he tied it around her neck.  It was even more precious to her than the silver wedding band on her finger.

            Sora placed his hand over hers on top of the glittering pendant.  "Thank you…"

            Kairi pulled herself into the man's warm embrace once more.  He was her friend…her lover…the father of her children.  He was everything to her.  She would never feel safer than at times like this.  Never more sure of her love for him. 

            "Just…never leave me," Kairi pleaded into his warm chest.

            For so long she had clung to their happy childhood.  She had thought things could be as they always were.  Now she still treasured those innocent times, but did not live hoping in vain for their return.  The future was something she could face, as long as those she loved were close by.

Because I can't forget that time, that place where we met...

            "I promise.  I'll stay by your side.  Always."

Dancing in the breeze, your body

Was being enveloped in light

~*~

            "I know you're there, Edgar.  You can stop hiding in the trees like some kind of animal."

            Edgar produced himself from the dense mesh of green.  He was wearing a simple short-sleeved shirt and gray trousers.  His hair was free, sitting on his neck in sophisticated blond waves.  He wore a simple smile and kept his hands in his pockets.

            "I did not wish to disturb you when you were…"  He motioned toward the gravestone with one hesitating elbow.

I was only watching you

I was forever gazing into your eyes

            "It's all right," Nadia told him.  She herself was wearing an orange tank top and a long khaki skirt.  Her long red hair was pulled back and tied into a four-stranded braid down her back.  She held her hands clasped together in front of her, the attached arms hanging down somewhat loosely.

            "I only came to say goodbye to Papa, since we're leaving for a while."

            "Yes…  Sora came and asked me if I would help take care of the house…"

            The girl smirked a little, not minding seeing him a little puzzled.  "There's better medical facilities on the bigger islands, so my whole family's going to stay at Sora's parents' orchard for a few months.  The doctor says the baby'll be okay eventually, but he needs special care."

            "Has your family chosen a name yet?"

            "That's the other thing," Nadia said, undoing the knot her fingers had made.  She walked over to the grave and touched one palm against the stone.  "Mom and Sora asked me if they could name him 'Riku'…to honor my father."

            "Did you accept?"

            "I'm still thinking about it," she admitted, biting her lip.  She stood up again.  He came to her and she did not back away from him.

Even now I watch only you

Without changing anything

            "You know, Edgar," she began, her eyes finding the ground very intriguing.  "I've been thinking.  Ever since I was seven years old, I've concentrated on hating Sora and blaming him for ruining my life.  It's really a big part of who I am."

            She paused.  It was getting to be more difficult than she'd expected…

            "I realize now that I wasted all that part of my life being so angry.  But it's who I am now, and I can't get it out of me.  All that anger and resentment is…me."

            To say these things made them real.  Her heart beat fast.

            "I'm sorry I have to burden you with this," she muttered quickly, turning away.  "It's just that…you're probably the closest thing to a friend I've ever had…"

            Nadia felt sick to her stomach.  She wanted to vomit she was so disgusted with the person she had become.

            "That's kind of you to say," Edgar replied.

            "No, it's not!  What a pain it must be to hang around someone as awful as me!  I…I hate myself..."

            "Please don't say that," he pleaded, gently placing one hand on her shoulder.  "I certainly do not wish for you to hate yourself.  I am…honored that you consider me a friend, Nadia."

If I stretch out my hand, the smile I reach is pained

            She felt almost as though she were choking.  She gripped one hand into a fist and held it over her heart.  Was there even a heart there anymore?  She was so disgusted with herself.  All this time, she had thought she was defending Riku's name, when she had, in reality, only selfishly shielded her own wounded heart.  She had never even properly mourned her father.

            She had only grown bitter.  More and more bitter…

            "If you want to start healing, you will have to forgive yourself first," Edgar declared, his voice stern.  More softly, he added, "You were the victim of a terrible situation, I can understand that, but today you are in control of your own destiny, are you not?  You have the potential to be any sort of person you want."

            "I know, but…"

            "Everyone around you cares about you, Nadia.  Your mother, Sora, Jalen…  Selphie and Tidus.  You do not believe they would support you if you tried to reform yourself?"

            "I know that they would…"

            "I don't want you to be unhappy," Edgar murmured, holding her other shoulder now, too.  "As your friend, I ask you to help yourself."

            Nadia licked her lips.  She was sniffling a little and wiped her tears before turning back to him and looking up into his kind face.  "That school your father owns…  Andra says it would be good for me to go there.  I've never had any formal schooling before."

            "Would you be away from me for longer, then?"

            "I guess so."

            He leaned forward, as if to kiss her.

            Nadia laughed and pushed him away.  As he regained his balance, she smirked.  "You think I'd kiss you?  I might be starting to change, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let you get that close to me, you lecher.  I don't plan to fall in love.  It's way too much trouble."

            Edgar adjusted his hair, gathering up the scattered pieces of his pride.  "When you are away, I can only pray your heart will grow all the more fonder of me."

            "Good luck with that."

            "Oh, Nadia, you're here."

            A slightly tired-looking Kairi was approaching from the beach, a bundle in her arms.  Sora, Andra, and Jalen were not far behind.  They were dressed for travel.

            "Have you decided yet?" Kairi asked her daughter when all the people had gathered together.

            Nadia looked down at the bundle in Kairi's arms.  She had not seen her new brother before now.  She inhaled sharply to see how small he was.

            "What do you think, Nadia?" Sora asked.  He had a few flowers from his garden clasped between his big, tanned hands.

            Nadia looked up at him.  She studied his face carefully.  The bruises on her wrists had begun to fade.  Her heart was starting its transformation.  Could she forgive this man?

            It would certainly be difficult.  Perhaps impossible.

            But she could try.

            "Yes," Nadia announced, nodding.  "I've decided."

            Everyone watched her anxiously.

            "I want him to have Papa's name."

            Kairi's eyes sparkled.  Jalen, Sora, and Edgar were cheering.  Andra smiled a quiet sort of smile.

            "Would you like to hold him, Nadia?" Kairi asked, holding the baby slightly away from herself.

            "Could I?"  She accepted the precious pile of blanket and child.  The little Riku stirred momentarily, then returned peacefully to his dreams.

            Sora went to the grave and placed the bouquet over the tall green grass.  Kairi joined him.  They held hands and leaned against one another.  Nadia tried to imagine her father standing with them.  Those three had all been best friends…

            Andra, who had been silent up until now, observed from Nadia's side, "What a beautiful baby, huh?"

            "Yeah," Nadia said.  She beamed down at the baby.  "I only agreed to the name because he's handsome enough to be a Riku."

            The older woman smiled.  She had been staying with them a week now, since the day she'd brought news of her husband's passing.  Nadia did not regret spending time with her in the least.

            "Have you thought about going to school yet?"

            "Yeah.  Yeah, I think I'll go."

            "It'll be good for you," Andra told her.  "And you can live with me, too."

            "That'll be fun," Nadia replied, grinning.

            "Ah…  Well, I think it's time to set sail," Sora announced.

            "You ready, Nadia?" Kairi asked.

            Her daughter nodded and handed the baby back carefully.  The whole family began to leave together, but Edgar called Nadia back, pleading for only a moment more.

            He dug around in his pocket to retrieve something.  "This is for you, Nadia."  He held out his hand and from his long fingers dangled a chain with a small, shimmering stone on the end.

            "For me?"  She approached him and inspected the stone, her eyes big and blue and curious.

            "I apologize it took me this much time," Edgar explained.  "At first, I didn't know it was your birthday.  Then I tried to invent something properly suited to you, but I failed there as well.  It was almost too late, but I finally realized that only the earth could offer something unique enough for you."

If I close my eyes, I want to hold

Your vanishing body once more in my dreams

Because I can't forget that time, that place where we met...

            He dropped the stone into her palm as the chain lingered around his fingers.  "This is an opal.  Each piece is different.  Look at it in the sunlight and the moonlight.  It will look beautiful every time."  He let the chain slide from his hand.

            "I could not tell you before, Nadia," Edgar said, "but happy birthday."

            "Yes…  Thank you."  The girl reached back to fasten it around her neck.          "Thank you, Edgar."  She winked.  "But this doesn't mean I'm going to kiss you."

            "That is perfectly all right, my lady."

            "Good."

            There was silence between them for a time.  Nadia knew she had to leave, but something was tugging at her heart, telling her she really didn't want to leave him just yet.

            "Farewell for now," Edgar said at last, bowing his head.

            "You silly," she mumbled, taking him by surprise as she leapt up into his arms.  She clutched him tightly around the shoulders, almost throwing him completely off balance.  He hesitated with shock at first, but then returned the embrace.

            Nadia slipped away from him, her hand sliding down into his.  "I'm glad I've decided to change.  It feels nice to have a real friend."

            Edgar squeezed the girl's fingers between his own.  "Indeed it does, my lady."

Because I can't forget...

~*~ Life is But a Dream:  End ~*~

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Song:  Emu~for my dear~ copyright Gackt and Nippon Crown; translation by Mina-P ([email protected])

Happy 4th of July, everybody!  I still celebrate what this country is supposed to stand for.  Freedom for all!  Yay!  *waves the flag around a lil'*  ^_^

Wau.  I've been working on this big finale all week (and I didn't know it was going to be this big!  4500+ words!!!)  I wanted to give all my WONDERFUL readers a happy ending after tugging at their heartstrings with the ending of Dreams Before Yesterday (hey, I cried too, you know…)  Sure, not every problem is resolved…  But isn't anybody's life a constantly evolving thing?  …It would take years and many chapters to fix Nadia's messed-up psyche, anyway @_@

Sorry this wasn't up sooner…  My family's had some stresses this week…  We just found out my cousin is going to Iraq…  My only remaining grandparent, my eighty-year-old grandmother, is having some health problems…  It hasn't been easy at all, I tell you what.  I've been pretty depressed. -_-  Luckily, I've had Xenosaga to keep my mind off things, as well as my wonderful boyfriend to cheer me up ^_^  Ooh, and writing, of course! ^^;;

Anyway…  In case you're interested, I have another KH fic in the planning stages already.  Something very different from this story.  Megumi-sempai knows what I'm talking about.  ^_~  Be on the look out, minna-san!  And thank you all so much!!!!!!