Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ. Nor do I own anything else in this fic.. If I owned DBZ... I wouldn't act so obsessed...

A-Chan: Yea! A new story! This is in the POV of Goku. Just to let you know ahead of time, though I am sure you would find out within the first two minutes of the fic anyway! ack, stupid me... why do I always make myself look stupid?!?! O well, I'll leave you and the fic alone now. Wait no! I won't! One more thing! This fic contains Yaoi, and it is pretty lemony, so if you don't like yoai, don't read it. I don't want you to read a fic by stupid ol' me if you get offended. There will be Yaoi in later chapters, but not right away. Well, thanks for bearing with me, here is my story. ^-^ Oh, P.S. these **** indicate flashbacks for me, if you did not know. They will be before and after every flashback. This story contains many.. so if you find that annoying, sorry....

I lay in my hammock, on a cool autumn day. I rock back and forth slowly, as thoughts fill my head. It's been exactly ten years since Vegeta had passed. The wind blows my hair in my face, and leafs creep over my body. But I do not care. I have always mourned the loss of him. I never found closure, I suppose. I have been sitting here, in this old hammock for over two hours, just reminiscing. I remember everything Vegeta and I did together, but it's been so long, I can hardly picture what he looked like anymore.

*Flashback*

" Kakarot, why must you sit there and look at me like that?"

" I dunno. I was just thinking about how damn handsome you are." I grin.

Vegeta smiles and kisses my lips. " I love you."

" I love you too."

*End Flashback*

I remember the first time he told me that. And I remember how handsome he was. But I can hardly picture it. I wonder why we never took any pictures....

He had long, crimson-black hair. I remember running my fingers through it slowly while staring in his emotionless eyes. That is one thing I remember. He never showed his emotions in the beginning. He always held them back. But not when we were alone together. Somehow I found away to get deep into him, to get him to open up, and tell me everything. He learned how to trust me. I think he may have trusted me more than anyone. I hope so.

A small drop of water lands on my nose as I lay. It's beginning to rain. The drop trails down over my jaw bone, and drips down my neck. It's warm. I begin to wonder if it was rain, or if I had begun to shed tears. It did not matter. It seems like it rains every year at this time.

****

" Vegeta! Be careful, you might slip!"

" Oh Kakarot, don't be silly, I can keep my balance just- ack!"

" I told you Vegeta, now you are going to get sick!"

"It's only a little bit of rain Kakarot!"

We laugh together.

****

He loved the rain. He would stand in it, and not care. It seems like he found rain to be reassuring somehow. I loved it when he would come home to me with his hair slicked down, and his clothes clinging taut to his petite body.

I remember making love to him in the fields, on the beach, in the mountains and forests. We would make love out in the open, with the cool breeze on our bare bodies, and the faint sunset in the distance. I loved how he looked at me and quietly whimpered my name.

I see a hover car in the distance. NO. Not a visitor.. please.. not today.. I'm not in any condition to speak with anyone. It comes closer and closer, and I soon recognize Bulma driving.

I guess I can handle seeing her..

She steps out of the car, with her head down, and a small package in her hand. She walks up the stairs of my small cabin, onto my porch, where I sit in the hammock in the corner. I hear the boards of my porch moan with her every step.

She's gotten tired. I see her royal blue eyes, that normally have a pleasant sparkle to them, looking dull, and wrinkled. We're getting old...Yes, she is depressed. She went through a lot with Vegeta. Then, she lost him. He came to me. I always thought that she loathed me because of the love Vegeta and I held.

Vegeta left his wife to be with me when our feelings finally surfaced. He decided that he had to be with the one that he loved and cherished. And she let him go. Something that I could have never done. But I was forced to... when he died..

I sit up and stumble out of the hammock. Bulma and I embrace each other. How long has it been? Since we last saw each other... Long... My last memory of her was when she came to give Vegeta his belongings. That is when she first became distant. That is when she lost her positive attitude, her cheeriness.

She looks into my eyes and silently brushes her hand over my cheek. I used to love her. She was like a sister. We were the finest friends. I knew her ever since I was a naive, innocent little child. Before love was trivial and death was apparent. I never understood death when I was young....

But now I do. I understand that it is imminent, and irrevocable.

A tear strolls down her cheek, as I try to suppress my own. I guess she became aware of the emotional affect of his death.

Several years ago, her own son took his life because of the remorse. He could not handle it. I often considered it myself. If it was not for the fact that I had a son of my own who I was very devoted to, I would have.

I wipe her tear away and pull her forehead to my cheek. We stay rested in this position for a few moments.

She is suffering. She has no one anymore. Not even her own parents to tend to her needs. She is very needy too, and of course we understand why.

****

The party lights flash, and everyone leaps onto the dance floor without one feeling of regret. Our laughs and cheering almost conquer the blaring music. I grab Bulma's hand and spin her around. I grab my own wife, and toss her around. My dance moves needed some work, I admit. I smirk as I dance with all of my beloved friends.

****

We used to have parties all the time. But that was before Vegeta and I got together.

Vegeta and I were so content with each other. I wondered why Bulma wouldn't just be glad that Vegeta was finally happy. But, she was in love with him. But so was I.

I pull us apart and look at Bulma with a questioning glance. She handed me the package and slowly walked back to her car. I held the package to my side, and watched as her car silently drove away.

Not one word. I suppose it was not needed. We had nothing to say to each other that our motions and actions could not translate. It is kind of depressing though; knowing that I cannot socialize with my best friend anymore because there are still feelings of betrayal.

I am sorry...

I walk into my house, and sit on my bed. I lay the package next to me. For some reason, my wife struck my mind. My wife... Now there is someone who has not crossed my mind for many years.

****

" I am sorry Goku.."

Tears stream down my eyes as I stare at the woman I once loved fade away from me.

****

She died from an illness many humans get.. though.. I forget what it was.. not like it matters...

It seems like everyone is dying nowadays. Many of my friends are gone. They all flash in my mind suddenly.

Krillin.. 18.. Tien..Yamcha..Piccolo.. Chaotzu..Trunks.. Chi- chi... Videl.. Gohan...Gohan...

Boy do I miss Gohan...

It seems like old age had struck all of my friends. I am old... It seems like I still have several years ahead of me, or so my doctor had said. He thought I was in perfect shape to last several more years.

There are only a few of my friends still living, now that I think about it.. Pan, I see her rarely. Goten visits me occasionally to see how I am doing. Dende.. we talk sometimes, he often visits my thoughts before dinner. Bulma and Bra.. I haven't seen Bra for a while, but she is not that old.. Is she still alive?

It hurts.. I am hurting now.. Tears have become more apparent as they wander over my face.

Vegeta.. Oh Vegeta... I would give anything to talk to you again. Or to just see your face...

I stand up to walk to my kitchen for water, when I suddenly feel hatred. Pain strikes deep in my gut. I search for someone I could blame... So that somehow I could find reassurance. Why does it still hurt?!?!

I open my mouth and prepare to shout. I am ready to yell on top of my voice, to anyone....But my hatred is always only directed at one specific person.. and it was not his fault..

God...

I fall to my knees and tug at my hair. I hit the ground with my fists, and watch as splinters fly.

" Oh, Kami! How can you do this to me?! To us? You have taken away all that I have ever cared about! How could you?! It hurts.. oh it hurts... send him back.. please.. I need him.. I need him.. My angel..." I feel my voice weaken to a whisper as tears pour to the ground, and blood drips from my splintered hands.

" Look at what you have done.. Bulma.. I.. my son... we are dying inside! This pain.. this pain.. when will it end?"

I fall weak to the ground and lie there. I do not move. Why can't I find closure? Why must everyone leave.....

I do not move for minutes, and when I do, I feel like I cannot move. I slowly saunter to my bed and lie down. I rest. I wish that I will never wake up.. but that doesn't work...

I hear Vegeta's voice in my head. It echoes loudly. It's like he is haunting me... His voice pierces into me as it gets louder and louder and I finally hear what he is saying.

Yes.. I know what he is saying. He is suffering.. Stop. His voice sounds weak and broken.. Please stop.. no.. stop thinking about that...His breathing is weak and his mouth dry. I see him now in my head.. No.. Please get these thoughts out of my head... The day of his death.. Why must this come into my thoughts?

****

He reaches up and strokes my cheek. He stares in my eyes. His eyes are red, and tired. It is his time to go.. But I won't accept it..

" I love you Kakarot.. I will miss you.."

" No. Don't say your goodbyes.. you're going to live through this.. I know it.. Just...hush.. please.. You'll be okay.."

We sat alone in his hospital room. I asked them to leave us alone. I needed to be alone with him for one last time...

" Kakarot.. It is my time, and we both know it.. Please don't mourn for me long. Everything will be okay." There is a moment of silence where Vegeta struggles with his breath, " I'll always be with you...." He points to my heart, " Here. Just.. don't forget me.. I will always love you..."

I sit silent staring in his glazed eyes. I remember the doctor saying that he had a couple more days to live. So what is he supposed to suffer until then?! The doctor told me that this lung problem was painful, when I forced the answer out of him earlier. His body was torture to live with...

It took him so long to say words.. he was so weak.... He was suffering.. My love was suffering.. why? Why?

" I love you Vegeta," I say, as I prepare to walk out of the room. I can't stay, or I will have an emotional break down in front of him.

He grabs my hand. Stay with me...I decipher from his lips. He coughs. Suffering.. I can't get over the fact that he is suffering so bad and he will for a couple more days.

He stares at the ceiling. He is distant.. so much pain... I can't hold it back.. and I can't let him suffer anymore... I can't let my love live with this pain.. but I can't stop the pain for him...

Or can I?

I sit for a moment and my face goes blank. My mind stops, and so do the tears.. I slowly pull the pillow to his face....

A moment later, and my love is gone. I watch his body grow faint and his chest stop moving. He is no longer suffering.. Had I done the right thing? I let go of his hand and brushed mine over his face to close his eyes.

I walk out of the room with a stoic look across my face. My eyes wide and throat tight.. but tears won't come.. I'm in shock at what I've done......

****

I stopped his suffering.. and yet.. I blame myself for it all because of that..

Yes...His death still haunts me... I cry myself to sleep.