Note: The aftermath of a single statement – "You're so up in arms about the subject, you ought to talk to your boss, here. He's famous for sleeping with his assistants."
Two disclaimers apply here: Number one, they're not mine but don't I wish they were, and Number two: I'm not a huge Serena fan, but this story suggested itself to me. I thought I'd give it a try.
He hadn't responded to the comment, Serena noticed. He had only sniffed it away, as if to say it wasn't important. But wasn't it? How could Jack prosecute a man who considered his younger subordinates as fair game if he had been the same way, once? More importantly, was she working for a man who had the morals of a sewer rat?
Serena tried to confront Jack about the comment when they left the conference room.
"Exactly what did he mean by that?" She asked him.
"What did he mean by what?" Jack asked.
"About you being famous for sleeping with your assistants?"
"He was blowing smoke, Serena." Jack walked into his office. He would have shut the door on Serena had she not held it open.
"Blowing smoke? Why would he bother with a comment like that?"
"I don't want to have this discussion with you." Jack didn't look at her as he sat down at his desk and began working on some paperwork.
"Jack…"
"Serena," Jack cut her off, "I told you, I don't want to have this discussion. What he said is irrelevant to this case and to just about everything else. Now unless you have something else you want to talk about…"
"No." Serena shook her head, irritated by his attitude. She gave the office door a solid slam on her way out.
Nora might know, Serena thought as she worked absently at her own desk. Her hands were filling out some paperwork for another case, but her mind was still on her confrontation with Jack. Nora might be just the person to talk to about this, she thought, if anything, at least she will know a little about the background.
"So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about, Serena?" Nora asked as she sat down at her desk.
"Weldon's defense attorney brought up something during our meeting that bothered me," Serena sat down across from Nora, "I thought I would discuss it with you."
"What would that be?" Nora asked.
"He said… I had just said that it was horrible for Weldon to be pursuing affairs with women who worked under him, and he told me that my boss was famous for doing just that."
"Ohhh…" Nora nodded in realization, "Jack's reputation has reared it's ugly head once again."
"You know about it."
"I do," Nora said, "There was a time when everyone knew about it. But it's been a long time, Serena. Still… I can tell it concerns you."
"Of course it does," Serena said, "I mean, I don't want to work with a man who would…"
"Now hold on, Serena. You're confusing Jack with Ted Weldon, and that's not fair. Jack hasn't done away with any of his assistants, and only one that I can remember ever had a negative word to say about him. Don't let your indignation cloud your judgment."
"But…"
"But what, Serena?" Nora asked. Serena could hear the concern in her voice, but it was clear that Nora thought she was making a big deal over nothing.
"I just… I don't want to be looking over my shoulder."
"Serena, I think that's uncalled for," Nora shook her head, "As I said, I think you're confusing your situations. Jack is an excellent prosecutor, and there's plenty you can learn from him. Don't let old rumors get in the way of your working relationship."
Nora stood up and took her coat from the rack behind her desk.
"Now, I have a dinner appointment I should be getting to."
Serena followed Nora out of the DA's office and took refuge in her own, unsatisfied by Nora's explanation. She decided to do a little investigating.
Two hours passed before Serena looked up from her computer screen. She was getting carried away, she realized, but the time just flew by. There was something exciting about detective work, even if it was just searching case files and the names of prosecutors. Serena had found the names of six women listed with Jack on case files dating back to the mid-1970's, and each new name gave her an inexplicable little thrill. She felt as if she was solving a mystery, a part of her job she was sure she would never get tired of. This was a little different, in that it was a personal search and probably not something she should be doing, but that only made it more interesting.
Serena had jotted the names down on a piece of paper as she found them, and now as she stood to stretch she looked at the names.
Elise Buckley, the first name, became Elise Buckley-McCoy after about two years. By 1977, her name was supplanted with that of a male ADA, Joseph Randall. In 1982 Sally Bell appeared, only to be replaced in 1987 by Diana Hawthorne. Diana was apparently replaced in 1991 by another male assistant, Mark Wright, until 1994, when he was replaced by a Claire Kincaid, who lasted just two years before her name disappeared and the name of Jamie Ross became the second chair on Jack's cases. In 1998 Abbie Carmichael replaced Jamie, and Serena knew she had followed Abbie.
Six women, Serena thought, over the course of nearly thirty years. So where were they?
One more search, she decided, taking a long swig from her coffee cup, and that will be enough for tonight.
She found the New York Bar Association's current directory website and ran searches on the names. Elise Buckley-McCoy – Serena tried three variations of the name, with and without the hyphen – was not found. Joseph Randall was a partner in a large financial services law firm. Sally Bell appeared as second-in-command at the Public Defender's office, although her position at this point as Serena understood it would involve mostly administrative work and little actual litigating. Diana Hawthorne's name also came back not found, as did Claire Kincaid's. Mark Wright was an EADA in Brooklyn, Jamie Ross was listed as working at a defense firm and Abbie Carmichael showed with the US Attorney's office of the Southern District.
As Serena gathered herself up to go home, she thought more of the names she had found than the three she couldn't – they had all done pretty well for themselves, a high standard to live up to. Maybe Nora was right – Jack was someone to learn from. Obviously her predecessors had, and in some cases they had moved beyond him.
By the time she got back to her apartment, however, Serena found herself thinking about those three names that had come back as "not found." This could mean nothing – they could be living out of the state, or using different names. All three were women, after all, they may have married and changed their names, it wasn't unusual.
But, Serena thought, there could be more to it than that. Maybe it was her prosecutorial imagination working overtime, envisioning secret crimes and conspiracies where there was really nothing but a coincidence or two, but she needed to know this man with whom she shared most of her working hours, if only to refute Cromwell's accusation. Otherwise, Serena realized, she would always be looking for an ulterior motive in everything Jack said.
The next few days found Serena preoccupied with the Weldon case and unable to return to her own private investigation. When she finally had a free moment, she began scanning the case files that were under the two of the missing names – Claire Kincaid and Diana Hawthorne.
She was working late, after Jack had already left the office, and she was exhausted, so she thought it was a typo when her eyes landed on a case from the beginning of 1996.
"People vs. Diana Hawthorne," She read out loud, "Criminal Facilitation in the second degree."
Well. That explained what happened to her.
The next day Serena found a few free hours after an arraignment to visit the courthouse records room, where transcripts of trials were kept. A clerk was reading a magazine at the front desk when she walked in.
"Hello?"
"Can I help you?" The clerk asked.
"Yeah, I'm looking for a transcript from January of 1996," Serena said, "Where would those be?"
"Hmm…" The clerk said, "That was the year we stopped using paper altogether, but that wasn't until June… so it would probably be over here."
The clerk led Serena through the maze of shelves until she reached a tall cabinet.
"Do you want the paper file, the microfiche or the disk copy?"
"You still have paper?"
"Like I said, right through June of 1996. What's the case number?"
"I don't have that," Serena admitted, "I know the name and the date."
"Well," the clerk said, "Here's January. I'll let you find it."
The clerk went back over to her desk and her magazine, and Serena searched through the piles of transcripts until she found the one she was looking for. She returned to the clerk to sign the file out.
"I see you found what you were looking for." The clerk commented.
"I don't know what I'm looking for." Serena answered as she took the file and left the room, leaving a bewildered clerk behind her.
Serena waited until Jack was in Nora's office to begin paging through the transcript. She had told the records room clerk the truth – she really had no idea what she was looking for. Something to incriminate Jack, perhaps? Some way for her to avoid the same fate? Something she should keep her eyes open for?
The transcript of Jack's own testimony against Diana did not yield any clues.
"I had no prior knowledge of Ms. Hawthorne's conversation with the expert witness, and if I had known, I never would have condoned it."
"What she did was not standard practice in your office?"
"Absolutely not. I followed, and I expected all my associates to follow, the rules that apply to all lawyers, as well as their responsibilities as prosecutors."
Serena could almost imagine the way he had said those words. She had heard enough of Jack in a courtroom already.
"I believed I was ably assisted by the defendant."
"Whom you trusted because you trained her."
"In part."
"You were her supervisor."
"Yes."
"And her lover."
"Objection, relevance."
So the fact had come up at the trial, in the defense attorney's cross-examination. As Serena read on, Jack admitted this and was forced to admit also that the case Diana had "helped" him with had netted him a promotion – to the position he still held.
Serena closed the file and tucked it into her briefcase as she finished reading Jack's testimony – she was worried he would come back from Nora's office and catch her. She began working on a brief for another case, somewhat absently, as her mind was still imagining the scene in that courtroom, six years ago.
Late that night, when Serena finally made her way back to her tiny apartment, she made herself a snack and sat at her desk reading the rest of the transcript – it was like a novel, and she found it impossible to put down.
"Ms. Hawthorne. You took a solemn oath as an attorney to uphold the law, didn't you?"
"Jack took that same oath. I saw how he followed it."
"Come on. We've heard from the detective who gave you his statement, we've heard from the expert you told to lie. Did Jack McCoy ask you to conceal evidence or suborn perjury?"
"Not in those words, but he was driven to win, and he taught me to be the same."
That was an understatement. Driven to win? Serena would have said compelled, maybe obsessed. Driven didn't seem like a strong enough word for it.
Serena paged back through the transcript to find the name of the ADA assigned to the case – she hadn't paid much attention at first. The name startled her a little – it was Jack's then-assistant, Claire Kincaid. Serena could only wonder if she was one of the assistants Jack could count in his harem, along with the two who were obvious to her already – Elise Buckley-McCoy (The name gave her away) and Diana Hawthorne.
"Your boss and your lover. That's a pretty strong influence."
"Yes. So I did what he wanted me to do."
"But why would he want you to do something that could jeopardize his career?"
"Jeopardize? It got him his promotion."
"Was that on your mind? Was it, Ms. Hawthorne?"
"At the time, no."
"But you knew he wanted that promotion."
"Well, it wasn't a secret. He's very ambitious."
"And you wanted his admiration."
"Yes, he was my boss."
"And your lover. You wanted his affection."
"Yes."
"And what better way than to make him a gift of that promotion?"
"That's not what this was about."
"Of course it was. He never asked you to do anything. You decided to get him what he wanted. And like all good gifts, it was a surprise."
Serena had been to enough trials to imagine the accompanying scene – and she wasn't surprised when she read the transcript of Diana's allocution as part of her plea bargain down to fourth-degree criminal facilitation, for which she received a sentence of six months.
She put the transcript back in her briefcase and crawled into bed, glancing briefly at the clock as she set the alarm for six a.m. It was past two already, and Serena groaned to herself as she realized she had to spend a full day working tomorrow on less than four hours of sleep. She hadn't done that since law school.
She turned out the light and tried to fall asleep, but her mind kept returning to what she'd just read. One of Jack's assistants, one of her predecessors, had told a witness to lie and withheld exculpatory evidence, all to impress her lover. Had that really been the reason? Or had Diana been so blindly in love with Jack that she was willing to take the fall for him? Or had she been set up?
Cromwell's comment lingered in her mind. At that moment Serena would have believed Jack capable of almost anything, despite her own experience. He had done just what Weldon had done – taken advantage of an inherently unequal relationship. The lines between the politician they had convicted and her own boss had begun to blur in her mind, which is exactly what Nora had warned her against.
Worst of all, Serena thought, the woman who prosecuted Diana was also Jack's assistant, one of the missing three. Could she, too, have been following Jack's instructions? Could she have the same motives as she accused Diana of having?
Stop it, Serena commanded herself, you don't have a shred of evidence that this is true. Your imagination is just running away with you.
Imagination or not, sleep was far from Serena's eyes that night.
The next day Serena had to fight to keep her eyes open. She was not used to trying to go through a busy day on less than four hours of sleep, and by late afternoon, she was exhausted. It didn't help that her schedule included two arraignments and three plea-bargains that day alone, but thankfully, it was almost over.
"Serena?" Jack poked his head into her door, and Serena looked up at him.
"Can you bring the files for the Becker case in here, please? I have a few things I'd like to go over with you."
Serena nodded her agreement and pulled the Becker files out of her briefcase – at least, that's what she thought she had. She had forgotten the transcript of Diana's trial was still mixed up in her regular files, right where she'd placed it the night before.
"Here you go." Serena put the files down on Jack's desk.
"Are you all right?" Jack asked, looking up at her.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Serena rubbed her eyes as she sat down at the desk across from Jack, "I just didn't get much sleep last night."
"Why don't you go get a cup of coffee?" Jack suggested, "When you come back, we'll get started."
"I think I'll do that. I'll be right back." Serena agreed. She turned and left the files on the desk in front of Jack, who took the top folder from the stack and began looking through it as she left.
Serena was halfway back to Jack's office when she remembered the transcript. She ran over to her desk and grabbed her briefcase, searching to make sure it was still there, that she hadn't mixed up the files and brought the transcript right in to Jack.
"Come on," She mumbled, searching through the files. Cases, plea-bargains, half-finished briefs – but no transcript. Serena's heart sank as she realized where it was.
Maybe he didn't see it, she thought, or maybe he won't think anything of it.
Serena took a deep breath and decided there was no choice but to find out.
When she had left the room, Jack had been sitting at the table in front of his desk. Now he was back in his desk chair, looking out the window. He turned as she entered the room.
"Why do you have this?" He asked, holding up the transcript. The tone of his voice gave Serena butterflies in her stomach.
"I was doing some research." She said evenly, trying hard not to let her voice betray her nerves.
"On what?" Jack asked. He stood up and dropped the transcript on his desk, "On me?"
Serena wasn't quite sure what to say.
"Did you find what you were looking for?" He asked.
"I wasn't looking for anything." Serena stammered.
"Oh, weren't you? If you weren't looking for anything, then why would you have this?" His voice rose with every word, and the angry flash of his eyes nearly robbed Serena of her composure.
"I just had…" She began, but Jack cut her off.
"You could have asked me." He said, and Serena's own temper suddenly made its way to the forefront of her brain.
"I tried to ask you," She snapped, "But all you had to say was you weren't having this discussion."
"So you decided to investigate?"
I work for the DA's office, Serena thought, what else do I know how to do but investigate?
"I just wanted to know what he was referring to." She said.
"I told you, it is no longer relevant. You want to make a judgment about me based on this case, you will find yourself completely mistaken."
"I…" Serena stammered, but Jack stopped her. He took the Becker files from the desk and handed them back to her. Then he took the transcript and laid it on top of the file folders in her arms.
"I want a full brief by tomorrow afternoon on how the knife found by the detectives in the Becker case falls under the plain sight exception." He said. He turned and took his coat from the rack in the corner.
"Jack," Serena began, but forgot what she planned to say when he raised his eyebrows at her, anger still glaring in his eyes.
"I will see you tomorrow, counselor." He said coldly as he put on his jacket and walked out the office door.
Good job, Serena thought to herself, Now you got your boss angry at you and two days worth of work to finish by tomorrow afternoon.
The next afternoon – after yet another night of four hours sleep – Serena brought the completed brief to Jack, who was lying on the couch in his office, reading the newspaper. The few words they had exchanged during the day had been somewhat uncomfortable, and Serena had tried to avoid him as best she could.
Jack paged through the brief after she handed it to him.
"Good work," He said, "We have the hearing on the suppression motion tomorrow afternoon. I'll have this sent to Judge Whitman in the morning."
Serena nodded and turned to leave, but Jack called her back.
"Serena."
She turned around to look at him, and he stood and motioned for her to sit down on the couch. Serena sat, more than a little nervous about what he might say.
"I apologize for being so angry with you last night, but I don't appreciate being investigated behind my back. I know, I brought part of that on myself. But I don't like being reminded of what happened with Diana. There's still an amount of guilt there, even six years later."
"For what?" Serena asked before she could stop herself, "You testified that you never told her to do what she did."
"I didn't." Jack said, "But she believed that's what I wanted. In any case, it was… well, it wasn't my finest hour. Again, it's one of many things in the past I don't like to remember."
"You testified that you were her lover…" Serena knew she was treading on dangerous ground, but she had to know, "was she who Cromwell was referring to?"
Jack shook his head.
"I'll be honest with you, she wasn't the only one. It was a long time ago. I've been defending those relationships for years and all I've learned is once you've gained a reputation, it's a hard thing to lose. But I'm not Ted Weldon, Serena. I don't believe I took advantage of anyone."
"Jack, she went to jail for you."
"No," He corrected her, "Her own actions put her there. She just made an assumption about what I wanted. It's not what I asked her to do."
Serena nodded, and Jack turned back and sat down at his desk.
"Does that answer your questions?"
"Yes." Serena said, although she was still a little curious about the other two missing names.
"Then we'll put this behind us." Jack began working on some paperwork, and Serena – grateful the scene hadn't been an ugly one – escaped back to her own desk.
That evening, long after he should have gone home, Jack found himself sitting at a bar, nursing his second shot of scotch for the night. What else, he wondered, had Serena found in her investigations? What had she been looking for?
There was so much she couldn't know, didn't need to know. He had never even glanced at her in the way he had once looked at Elise, or Sally, or Diana. Or Claire. Dammit, Serena, he thought, you are not going to get me thinking about Claire. Not tonight. I need a break sometimes.
His thoughts went back to Diana. He remembered how she had come to his office during the trial, after being confronted on the stand with her true motives – and at first, all he had been able to offer her was his usual moral indignation.
"The smell of this place." Jack looked up to see Diana as she shut the door behind her.
"You shouldn't be talking to me, Diana." He said.
"Yeah, well… I think we broke a lot of rules." She walked across the room and sat down on Jack's couch, crossing one leg over the other, "She's a smart girl, Jack."
Jack knew who she mean. She had already figured they were sleeping together, he was expecting a comment like that.
"I don't think until today I even admitted it to myself." She continued.
"That you committed a heinous crime." Jack supplied, and Diana looked at him sadly.
"No. That I did it for you," She said, "For my man. I didn't think women like me did things like that."
Jack just looked at her. They had once been happy, he remembered. Once, back when they wrapped their lives and their work into a tangle they eventually found impossible to undo. In retrospect, the chance of something going badly wrong was inevitable.
"I never asked you." He said.
"No," Diana acknowledged, "But I thought you'd be grateful."
"You didn't need my gratitude." Jack shook his head.
"Yes, I did, Jack," She said quietly, "And here we are."
Here we are, Jack thought sadly, facing the consequences of the thrill of breaking every rule. Here we are, standing on opposite sides of a line – a line he was far too close to, too often. Why was he surprised that Diana had stepped over it?
He couldn't think of what else to say, but Diana spared him.
"I better go," She stood, "You're right, I shouldn't be talking to you." She looked up at him, and he could almost see tears glistening in her eyes.
"Good night, Jack," She said as she turned to leave. Jack watched as the door shut behind her.
That was the last time he had seen Diana. He'd heard that she served four months of her six month sentence and moved out of state, but he hadn't been paying much attention. Not long after Diana's release, Claire…
Goddammit – wasn't remembering Diana enough for one night?
Meanwhile, Serena sat at her computer, the glowing screen providing the only light in the office. She had tried one more search for the two missing names, despite what she had told Jack. Now she sat with a new understanding about his initial reluctance to talk about Cromwell's comment – understanding she knew she could never mention.
It wasn't all about Diana Hawthorne's trial for criminal facilitation. It probably wasn't all about his divorce settlement with Elise Buckley, either, which Serena found buried in cases from 1980.
Maybe it had something to do with a drunk driving plea-bargain from 1996, about ten months after the trial of Diana Hawthorne. Twelve months, the screen said, for vehicular manslaughter.
The victim's name was Claire Kincaid.
Well, Serena thought, that explained what happened to her.
*****************************************************************************
Note: The dialogue used in Serena's reading of the transcript as well as Diana's visit to Jack in his office comes from "Trophy," although I added a line near the end of Jack's memory, just to give him a goodbye moment with Diana. The comment that sets Serena off on her investigation is from "Missing," and Serena's conversation with Jack as well as her conversation with Nora takes place in between scenes of that episode.
Two disclaimers apply here: Number one, they're not mine but don't I wish they were, and Number two: I'm not a huge Serena fan, but this story suggested itself to me. I thought I'd give it a try.
He hadn't responded to the comment, Serena noticed. He had only sniffed it away, as if to say it wasn't important. But wasn't it? How could Jack prosecute a man who considered his younger subordinates as fair game if he had been the same way, once? More importantly, was she working for a man who had the morals of a sewer rat?
Serena tried to confront Jack about the comment when they left the conference room.
"Exactly what did he mean by that?" She asked him.
"What did he mean by what?" Jack asked.
"About you being famous for sleeping with your assistants?"
"He was blowing smoke, Serena." Jack walked into his office. He would have shut the door on Serena had she not held it open.
"Blowing smoke? Why would he bother with a comment like that?"
"I don't want to have this discussion with you." Jack didn't look at her as he sat down at his desk and began working on some paperwork.
"Jack…"
"Serena," Jack cut her off, "I told you, I don't want to have this discussion. What he said is irrelevant to this case and to just about everything else. Now unless you have something else you want to talk about…"
"No." Serena shook her head, irritated by his attitude. She gave the office door a solid slam on her way out.
Nora might know, Serena thought as she worked absently at her own desk. Her hands were filling out some paperwork for another case, but her mind was still on her confrontation with Jack. Nora might be just the person to talk to about this, she thought, if anything, at least she will know a little about the background.
"So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about, Serena?" Nora asked as she sat down at her desk.
"Weldon's defense attorney brought up something during our meeting that bothered me," Serena sat down across from Nora, "I thought I would discuss it with you."
"What would that be?" Nora asked.
"He said… I had just said that it was horrible for Weldon to be pursuing affairs with women who worked under him, and he told me that my boss was famous for doing just that."
"Ohhh…" Nora nodded in realization, "Jack's reputation has reared it's ugly head once again."
"You know about it."
"I do," Nora said, "There was a time when everyone knew about it. But it's been a long time, Serena. Still… I can tell it concerns you."
"Of course it does," Serena said, "I mean, I don't want to work with a man who would…"
"Now hold on, Serena. You're confusing Jack with Ted Weldon, and that's not fair. Jack hasn't done away with any of his assistants, and only one that I can remember ever had a negative word to say about him. Don't let your indignation cloud your judgment."
"But…"
"But what, Serena?" Nora asked. Serena could hear the concern in her voice, but it was clear that Nora thought she was making a big deal over nothing.
"I just… I don't want to be looking over my shoulder."
"Serena, I think that's uncalled for," Nora shook her head, "As I said, I think you're confusing your situations. Jack is an excellent prosecutor, and there's plenty you can learn from him. Don't let old rumors get in the way of your working relationship."
Nora stood up and took her coat from the rack behind her desk.
"Now, I have a dinner appointment I should be getting to."
Serena followed Nora out of the DA's office and took refuge in her own, unsatisfied by Nora's explanation. She decided to do a little investigating.
Two hours passed before Serena looked up from her computer screen. She was getting carried away, she realized, but the time just flew by. There was something exciting about detective work, even if it was just searching case files and the names of prosecutors. Serena had found the names of six women listed with Jack on case files dating back to the mid-1970's, and each new name gave her an inexplicable little thrill. She felt as if she was solving a mystery, a part of her job she was sure she would never get tired of. This was a little different, in that it was a personal search and probably not something she should be doing, but that only made it more interesting.
Serena had jotted the names down on a piece of paper as she found them, and now as she stood to stretch she looked at the names.
Elise Buckley, the first name, became Elise Buckley-McCoy after about two years. By 1977, her name was supplanted with that of a male ADA, Joseph Randall. In 1982 Sally Bell appeared, only to be replaced in 1987 by Diana Hawthorne. Diana was apparently replaced in 1991 by another male assistant, Mark Wright, until 1994, when he was replaced by a Claire Kincaid, who lasted just two years before her name disappeared and the name of Jamie Ross became the second chair on Jack's cases. In 1998 Abbie Carmichael replaced Jamie, and Serena knew she had followed Abbie.
Six women, Serena thought, over the course of nearly thirty years. So where were they?
One more search, she decided, taking a long swig from her coffee cup, and that will be enough for tonight.
She found the New York Bar Association's current directory website and ran searches on the names. Elise Buckley-McCoy – Serena tried three variations of the name, with and without the hyphen – was not found. Joseph Randall was a partner in a large financial services law firm. Sally Bell appeared as second-in-command at the Public Defender's office, although her position at this point as Serena understood it would involve mostly administrative work and little actual litigating. Diana Hawthorne's name also came back not found, as did Claire Kincaid's. Mark Wright was an EADA in Brooklyn, Jamie Ross was listed as working at a defense firm and Abbie Carmichael showed with the US Attorney's office of the Southern District.
As Serena gathered herself up to go home, she thought more of the names she had found than the three she couldn't – they had all done pretty well for themselves, a high standard to live up to. Maybe Nora was right – Jack was someone to learn from. Obviously her predecessors had, and in some cases they had moved beyond him.
By the time she got back to her apartment, however, Serena found herself thinking about those three names that had come back as "not found." This could mean nothing – they could be living out of the state, or using different names. All three were women, after all, they may have married and changed their names, it wasn't unusual.
But, Serena thought, there could be more to it than that. Maybe it was her prosecutorial imagination working overtime, envisioning secret crimes and conspiracies where there was really nothing but a coincidence or two, but she needed to know this man with whom she shared most of her working hours, if only to refute Cromwell's accusation. Otherwise, Serena realized, she would always be looking for an ulterior motive in everything Jack said.
The next few days found Serena preoccupied with the Weldon case and unable to return to her own private investigation. When she finally had a free moment, she began scanning the case files that were under the two of the missing names – Claire Kincaid and Diana Hawthorne.
She was working late, after Jack had already left the office, and she was exhausted, so she thought it was a typo when her eyes landed on a case from the beginning of 1996.
"People vs. Diana Hawthorne," She read out loud, "Criminal Facilitation in the second degree."
Well. That explained what happened to her.
The next day Serena found a few free hours after an arraignment to visit the courthouse records room, where transcripts of trials were kept. A clerk was reading a magazine at the front desk when she walked in.
"Hello?"
"Can I help you?" The clerk asked.
"Yeah, I'm looking for a transcript from January of 1996," Serena said, "Where would those be?"
"Hmm…" The clerk said, "That was the year we stopped using paper altogether, but that wasn't until June… so it would probably be over here."
The clerk led Serena through the maze of shelves until she reached a tall cabinet.
"Do you want the paper file, the microfiche or the disk copy?"
"You still have paper?"
"Like I said, right through June of 1996. What's the case number?"
"I don't have that," Serena admitted, "I know the name and the date."
"Well," the clerk said, "Here's January. I'll let you find it."
The clerk went back over to her desk and her magazine, and Serena searched through the piles of transcripts until she found the one she was looking for. She returned to the clerk to sign the file out.
"I see you found what you were looking for." The clerk commented.
"I don't know what I'm looking for." Serena answered as she took the file and left the room, leaving a bewildered clerk behind her.
Serena waited until Jack was in Nora's office to begin paging through the transcript. She had told the records room clerk the truth – she really had no idea what she was looking for. Something to incriminate Jack, perhaps? Some way for her to avoid the same fate? Something she should keep her eyes open for?
The transcript of Jack's own testimony against Diana did not yield any clues.
"I had no prior knowledge of Ms. Hawthorne's conversation with the expert witness, and if I had known, I never would have condoned it."
"What she did was not standard practice in your office?"
"Absolutely not. I followed, and I expected all my associates to follow, the rules that apply to all lawyers, as well as their responsibilities as prosecutors."
Serena could almost imagine the way he had said those words. She had heard enough of Jack in a courtroom already.
"I believed I was ably assisted by the defendant."
"Whom you trusted because you trained her."
"In part."
"You were her supervisor."
"Yes."
"And her lover."
"Objection, relevance."
So the fact had come up at the trial, in the defense attorney's cross-examination. As Serena read on, Jack admitted this and was forced to admit also that the case Diana had "helped" him with had netted him a promotion – to the position he still held.
Serena closed the file and tucked it into her briefcase as she finished reading Jack's testimony – she was worried he would come back from Nora's office and catch her. She began working on a brief for another case, somewhat absently, as her mind was still imagining the scene in that courtroom, six years ago.
Late that night, when Serena finally made her way back to her tiny apartment, she made herself a snack and sat at her desk reading the rest of the transcript – it was like a novel, and she found it impossible to put down.
"Ms. Hawthorne. You took a solemn oath as an attorney to uphold the law, didn't you?"
"Jack took that same oath. I saw how he followed it."
"Come on. We've heard from the detective who gave you his statement, we've heard from the expert you told to lie. Did Jack McCoy ask you to conceal evidence or suborn perjury?"
"Not in those words, but he was driven to win, and he taught me to be the same."
That was an understatement. Driven to win? Serena would have said compelled, maybe obsessed. Driven didn't seem like a strong enough word for it.
Serena paged back through the transcript to find the name of the ADA assigned to the case – she hadn't paid much attention at first. The name startled her a little – it was Jack's then-assistant, Claire Kincaid. Serena could only wonder if she was one of the assistants Jack could count in his harem, along with the two who were obvious to her already – Elise Buckley-McCoy (The name gave her away) and Diana Hawthorne.
"Your boss and your lover. That's a pretty strong influence."
"Yes. So I did what he wanted me to do."
"But why would he want you to do something that could jeopardize his career?"
"Jeopardize? It got him his promotion."
"Was that on your mind? Was it, Ms. Hawthorne?"
"At the time, no."
"But you knew he wanted that promotion."
"Well, it wasn't a secret. He's very ambitious."
"And you wanted his admiration."
"Yes, he was my boss."
"And your lover. You wanted his affection."
"Yes."
"And what better way than to make him a gift of that promotion?"
"That's not what this was about."
"Of course it was. He never asked you to do anything. You decided to get him what he wanted. And like all good gifts, it was a surprise."
Serena had been to enough trials to imagine the accompanying scene – and she wasn't surprised when she read the transcript of Diana's allocution as part of her plea bargain down to fourth-degree criminal facilitation, for which she received a sentence of six months.
She put the transcript back in her briefcase and crawled into bed, glancing briefly at the clock as she set the alarm for six a.m. It was past two already, and Serena groaned to herself as she realized she had to spend a full day working tomorrow on less than four hours of sleep. She hadn't done that since law school.
She turned out the light and tried to fall asleep, but her mind kept returning to what she'd just read. One of Jack's assistants, one of her predecessors, had told a witness to lie and withheld exculpatory evidence, all to impress her lover. Had that really been the reason? Or had Diana been so blindly in love with Jack that she was willing to take the fall for him? Or had she been set up?
Cromwell's comment lingered in her mind. At that moment Serena would have believed Jack capable of almost anything, despite her own experience. He had done just what Weldon had done – taken advantage of an inherently unequal relationship. The lines between the politician they had convicted and her own boss had begun to blur in her mind, which is exactly what Nora had warned her against.
Worst of all, Serena thought, the woman who prosecuted Diana was also Jack's assistant, one of the missing three. Could she, too, have been following Jack's instructions? Could she have the same motives as she accused Diana of having?
Stop it, Serena commanded herself, you don't have a shred of evidence that this is true. Your imagination is just running away with you.
Imagination or not, sleep was far from Serena's eyes that night.
The next day Serena had to fight to keep her eyes open. She was not used to trying to go through a busy day on less than four hours of sleep, and by late afternoon, she was exhausted. It didn't help that her schedule included two arraignments and three plea-bargains that day alone, but thankfully, it was almost over.
"Serena?" Jack poked his head into her door, and Serena looked up at him.
"Can you bring the files for the Becker case in here, please? I have a few things I'd like to go over with you."
Serena nodded her agreement and pulled the Becker files out of her briefcase – at least, that's what she thought she had. She had forgotten the transcript of Diana's trial was still mixed up in her regular files, right where she'd placed it the night before.
"Here you go." Serena put the files down on Jack's desk.
"Are you all right?" Jack asked, looking up at her.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Serena rubbed her eyes as she sat down at the desk across from Jack, "I just didn't get much sleep last night."
"Why don't you go get a cup of coffee?" Jack suggested, "When you come back, we'll get started."
"I think I'll do that. I'll be right back." Serena agreed. She turned and left the files on the desk in front of Jack, who took the top folder from the stack and began looking through it as she left.
Serena was halfway back to Jack's office when she remembered the transcript. She ran over to her desk and grabbed her briefcase, searching to make sure it was still there, that she hadn't mixed up the files and brought the transcript right in to Jack.
"Come on," She mumbled, searching through the files. Cases, plea-bargains, half-finished briefs – but no transcript. Serena's heart sank as she realized where it was.
Maybe he didn't see it, she thought, or maybe he won't think anything of it.
Serena took a deep breath and decided there was no choice but to find out.
When she had left the room, Jack had been sitting at the table in front of his desk. Now he was back in his desk chair, looking out the window. He turned as she entered the room.
"Why do you have this?" He asked, holding up the transcript. The tone of his voice gave Serena butterflies in her stomach.
"I was doing some research." She said evenly, trying hard not to let her voice betray her nerves.
"On what?" Jack asked. He stood up and dropped the transcript on his desk, "On me?"
Serena wasn't quite sure what to say.
"Did you find what you were looking for?" He asked.
"I wasn't looking for anything." Serena stammered.
"Oh, weren't you? If you weren't looking for anything, then why would you have this?" His voice rose with every word, and the angry flash of his eyes nearly robbed Serena of her composure.
"I just had…" She began, but Jack cut her off.
"You could have asked me." He said, and Serena's own temper suddenly made its way to the forefront of her brain.
"I tried to ask you," She snapped, "But all you had to say was you weren't having this discussion."
"So you decided to investigate?"
I work for the DA's office, Serena thought, what else do I know how to do but investigate?
"I just wanted to know what he was referring to." She said.
"I told you, it is no longer relevant. You want to make a judgment about me based on this case, you will find yourself completely mistaken."
"I…" Serena stammered, but Jack stopped her. He took the Becker files from the desk and handed them back to her. Then he took the transcript and laid it on top of the file folders in her arms.
"I want a full brief by tomorrow afternoon on how the knife found by the detectives in the Becker case falls under the plain sight exception." He said. He turned and took his coat from the rack in the corner.
"Jack," Serena began, but forgot what she planned to say when he raised his eyebrows at her, anger still glaring in his eyes.
"I will see you tomorrow, counselor." He said coldly as he put on his jacket and walked out the office door.
Good job, Serena thought to herself, Now you got your boss angry at you and two days worth of work to finish by tomorrow afternoon.
The next afternoon – after yet another night of four hours sleep – Serena brought the completed brief to Jack, who was lying on the couch in his office, reading the newspaper. The few words they had exchanged during the day had been somewhat uncomfortable, and Serena had tried to avoid him as best she could.
Jack paged through the brief after she handed it to him.
"Good work," He said, "We have the hearing on the suppression motion tomorrow afternoon. I'll have this sent to Judge Whitman in the morning."
Serena nodded and turned to leave, but Jack called her back.
"Serena."
She turned around to look at him, and he stood and motioned for her to sit down on the couch. Serena sat, more than a little nervous about what he might say.
"I apologize for being so angry with you last night, but I don't appreciate being investigated behind my back. I know, I brought part of that on myself. But I don't like being reminded of what happened with Diana. There's still an amount of guilt there, even six years later."
"For what?" Serena asked before she could stop herself, "You testified that you never told her to do what she did."
"I didn't." Jack said, "But she believed that's what I wanted. In any case, it was… well, it wasn't my finest hour. Again, it's one of many things in the past I don't like to remember."
"You testified that you were her lover…" Serena knew she was treading on dangerous ground, but she had to know, "was she who Cromwell was referring to?"
Jack shook his head.
"I'll be honest with you, she wasn't the only one. It was a long time ago. I've been defending those relationships for years and all I've learned is once you've gained a reputation, it's a hard thing to lose. But I'm not Ted Weldon, Serena. I don't believe I took advantage of anyone."
"Jack, she went to jail for you."
"No," He corrected her, "Her own actions put her there. She just made an assumption about what I wanted. It's not what I asked her to do."
Serena nodded, and Jack turned back and sat down at his desk.
"Does that answer your questions?"
"Yes." Serena said, although she was still a little curious about the other two missing names.
"Then we'll put this behind us." Jack began working on some paperwork, and Serena – grateful the scene hadn't been an ugly one – escaped back to her own desk.
That evening, long after he should have gone home, Jack found himself sitting at a bar, nursing his second shot of scotch for the night. What else, he wondered, had Serena found in her investigations? What had she been looking for?
There was so much she couldn't know, didn't need to know. He had never even glanced at her in the way he had once looked at Elise, or Sally, or Diana. Or Claire. Dammit, Serena, he thought, you are not going to get me thinking about Claire. Not tonight. I need a break sometimes.
His thoughts went back to Diana. He remembered how she had come to his office during the trial, after being confronted on the stand with her true motives – and at first, all he had been able to offer her was his usual moral indignation.
"The smell of this place." Jack looked up to see Diana as she shut the door behind her.
"You shouldn't be talking to me, Diana." He said.
"Yeah, well… I think we broke a lot of rules." She walked across the room and sat down on Jack's couch, crossing one leg over the other, "She's a smart girl, Jack."
Jack knew who she mean. She had already figured they were sleeping together, he was expecting a comment like that.
"I don't think until today I even admitted it to myself." She continued.
"That you committed a heinous crime." Jack supplied, and Diana looked at him sadly.
"No. That I did it for you," She said, "For my man. I didn't think women like me did things like that."
Jack just looked at her. They had once been happy, he remembered. Once, back when they wrapped their lives and their work into a tangle they eventually found impossible to undo. In retrospect, the chance of something going badly wrong was inevitable.
"I never asked you." He said.
"No," Diana acknowledged, "But I thought you'd be grateful."
"You didn't need my gratitude." Jack shook his head.
"Yes, I did, Jack," She said quietly, "And here we are."
Here we are, Jack thought sadly, facing the consequences of the thrill of breaking every rule. Here we are, standing on opposite sides of a line – a line he was far too close to, too often. Why was he surprised that Diana had stepped over it?
He couldn't think of what else to say, but Diana spared him.
"I better go," She stood, "You're right, I shouldn't be talking to you." She looked up at him, and he could almost see tears glistening in her eyes.
"Good night, Jack," She said as she turned to leave. Jack watched as the door shut behind her.
That was the last time he had seen Diana. He'd heard that she served four months of her six month sentence and moved out of state, but he hadn't been paying much attention. Not long after Diana's release, Claire…
Goddammit – wasn't remembering Diana enough for one night?
Meanwhile, Serena sat at her computer, the glowing screen providing the only light in the office. She had tried one more search for the two missing names, despite what she had told Jack. Now she sat with a new understanding about his initial reluctance to talk about Cromwell's comment – understanding she knew she could never mention.
It wasn't all about Diana Hawthorne's trial for criminal facilitation. It probably wasn't all about his divorce settlement with Elise Buckley, either, which Serena found buried in cases from 1980.
Maybe it had something to do with a drunk driving plea-bargain from 1996, about ten months after the trial of Diana Hawthorne. Twelve months, the screen said, for vehicular manslaughter.
The victim's name was Claire Kincaid.
Well, Serena thought, that explained what happened to her.
*****************************************************************************
Note: The dialogue used in Serena's reading of the transcript as well as Diana's visit to Jack in his office comes from "Trophy," although I added a line near the end of Jack's memory, just to give him a goodbye moment with Diana. The comment that sets Serena off on her investigation is from "Missing," and Serena's conversation with Jack as well as her conversation with Nora takes place in between scenes of that episode.