Butt Seriously Folks…

By Steph and ToughFluff

Summary--Her hand. His butt. What really happened in the inn's kitchen during Keg!Max! Slight UC.

Dedicated to our buddies in UC-dom, Nate and Jamie.

Disclaimer--We don't own any of these characters.

Rating- PG-13, maybe?

She wasn't used to the inn's kitchen being so quiet. She was used to pots clanging, people bumping into and talking over each other, shouting instructions and cooking tips. She wasn't used to this eerie quiet in the kitchen. She wasn't used to the emptiness. She hated it.

She had no idea where Lorelai was and knew that Michel was in front tormenting…well tormenting someone.

At least Luke was here today. He was in the kitchen with his tools, checking for damages from the fire. Seeing if he could fix anything himself.

She kind of liked having Luke in here. Not that he was the most talkative person around, but it beat talking to herself. It was nice having someone else in the kitchen.

She even got him talking a little bit. At first, he told her several times that he needed to concentrate on the pipes and whatnot, but then he began participating in a real conversation. They talked about Rory's college plans, about damage to the inn and finally about Kirk and his failure in the shirt-printing industry.

"Someday," Sookie said optimistically, "he'll find his niche. He's got to."

Luke frowned looking at the pipe again. "I wouldn't count on it."

"You never know," she said. He didn't say anything to that.

She reluctantly went back to the cookbook she had been reading before Luke had arrived. The glossy pictures saddened her. She wanted her kitchen back.

"So," Luke began, "have you and Jackson figured out a name yet?"

She looked up from her book happily. Her favorite topic.

"Jackson and I have decided that we're going to name the baby after chefs," Sookie told him. "I get to choose if it's a girl, he gets to choose the name if it's a boy. So if it's a girl, her name is going to be Julia Alice Melville. Julia for Julia Child, Alice for Alice Waters. It sounds so old-fashioned. Like a character in a book. I'll have to ask Rory if she knows of any Julia Alice's"

Luke looked up from the pipes he was working on. "And if it's a boy?"

She giggled, thinking of the endless discussions that she and Jackson had had. "Jackson's having a harder time with it. I told him to start watching the Food Network for ideas. That wasn't a good idea, because he's become addicted to 'Iron Chef' and there's no way I'm naming our son Morimoto."

Luke stood up and wiped some dust off his jeans. "'Iron Chef?'" he asked.

"You've never seen 'Iron Chef?'" Sookie asked. "It's the greatest show. It's from Japan. You'd probably like it."

Luke looked around the kitchen. "Have you been cooking in here?"

"No," she said sadly. It felt like she hadn't cooked in months. "And I'm losing my skills. Test me."

"Test you?" he asked.

"Ask me how to make something," Sookie said. "Like…uh…clam chowder." Easy enough if you stuck to a basic recipe, but when had she ever stuck to a basic recipe? She already started listing ingredients in her head…clams, clam liquor, potatoes…

"Clam chowder," he said nodding his head. "I know that one. First you open the can…"

"Blasphemy," she said. There went that idea. "I would so cream you if we did 'Iron Chef' here." She closed her eyes picturing herself on `Iron Chef,' thousands of people watching her prepare some masterpiece in a certain amount of time, using a certain "secret ingredient." At least, she thought wistfully, those chefs had a kitchen to work with.

"So what do you do all day?" Luke asked her. "If you aren't cooking."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I make up menus, just in case we get up and running soon. Crank call Michel from my cell phone. Jackson keeps me busy too. He calls every five minutes asking me if I'm sitting down, if I'm tired, if I'm eating my vegetables." She giggled again. "It's kind of funny. We eat two meals a day together, he knows what I eat. Maybe he's worried about what I eat for lunch. And I usually eat here or go to the diner for lunch."

"I know," Luke said. He fiddled with his cap for a second.

"What?" she asked him curiously. What had her well-meaning, but slightly overprotective husband done now?

"Jackson called me yesterday. He had a list of what I could and could not serve you."

"He's actually easing up a little bit," she said. "So enough about me and my eating habits. How are you?" It was very rare that she had a chance to talk to Luke like this, one-on-one.

Luke moved back over near the pipes. "Okay," he said. "Same old, same old."

"How's…?" Sookie paused. She could not remember his girlfriend's name. "How's the lawyer?"

Lorelai always referred to Luke's girlfriend as "the lawyer." As in, "The lawyer made Luke add more salads to the menu" or "The lawyer was giving me some bizarre looks at the town meeting after I borrowed her pen."

Luke smirked. "The lawyer? Are you referring to Nicole?"

"Yes," she said. "How's Nicole?" She had never met her.

"Fine," he said.

She waited for more details. He didn't give them. She frowned, frustrated, and tried again. "How's Jess?"

Luke frowned. "Wonderful. Next question."

"Sorry. I'm used to talking to Lorelai and the conversation isn't as one-sided. Well, I talk to Michel too sometimes. When I have to."

He looked at his watch. "I need to be getting back soon. I'm just going to do a quick double check before I head back to the diner," he said.

"Okay," she said. "Yell if you need any help."

He gave her an odd look, but knelt down near the pipes.

"Is it fixable?" she asked him.

He stretched out to get a better view. "There are problems," he admitted.

She walked over to him and looked down. "A great time to be out of a job," she said softly patting her stomach.

He didn't answer. She sat down near him. "You don't have to be gentle. It's bad huh?"

"It could have been better," he admitted. "I don't know how much I'll be able to do right now."

She leaned in closer and managed to put her right hand into something orange and sticky.

"Disgusting," she said to herself. While wiping her hand on her jeans, she felt slightly lightheaded (she hadn't kept breakfast down) and steadied herself by putting her left hand on the nearest surface she could find. She kept her hand there while she waited for the dizziness to subside.

"Wow," she said. "Dizzy spell. I have to start eating more. But all I could eat today were crackers." Cracker actually. It had not been a very good morning.

He didn't say anything. He must have really gotten into his project. She tried again.

"I heard bananas were good if you weren't feeling too well. Do you have any bananas at the diner? Could you please set some aside for me and I can grab them on my way home. I don't think we have any at home and Jackson doesn't like bananas. Isn't that funny? The fruit and vegetable man who doesn't like bananas? He doesn't like kiwis that much either. He thinks they're too sour."

Still no answer. Was he mad at her? Maybe she was talking too much. Babbling even. Maybe he just wanted to finish his job in peace and quiet. She could do that. She was silent.

So silent that she could hear the hum of the refrigerator, the clinking noise of the tools against metal…Luke breathing. She listened even more closely. He sure sounded tense all of a sudden…what had changed in a matter of seconds? She had sat down next to him, put her hand in something sticky, felt dizzy, put her hand on…

She looked over. Her hand was on his butt. She closed her eyes and looked again. Her hand was still there. On his butt. Her hand. His butt. Still there.

Yep, she was groping Luke in the kitchen. Suddenly she was a sexual harassment video waiting to happen. This wasn't good. What if someone had walked in on them? Why was her hand still there?

She quickly took her hand off his butt. She stood up and walked towards the chair she had been sitting on before. Damn, this was going to be uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, Luke," she said. "I don't have wandering hands, but I just steadied myself and it was the first…" She was only making the situation worse. He didn't respond.

"I really am sorry," she said. And she was. But thinking back, once she had gotten over the shock, she realized that his butt was decent. Nice even. Nicely shaped. The lawyer was a very lucky woman. She cleared her head of these thoughts.

He still hadn't said anything. So she tried a different approach. "I am sorry. We'll just put it all behind us."

She snorted when she realized what she had just said.

Behind. She giggled.

He didn't respond. Didn't even look up.

It was a very tense few minutes. She stayed on her side of the kitchen, occasionally glancing over at what he was working on. And, if she was going to be completely honest, glancing over at his butt. Repeatedly. Scrutinizing what she had been fondling earlier.

Maybe it was just her out-of-whack hormones, but she was wondering why she had never noticed his butt sooner. Sure she was married, but she could still look. Groping wasn't really allowed, though. Even if it was an accident.

She looked again and told herself that if she ever found herself in the situation where she had her hand on his butt again, she would make the most of it. It would be a shame if there was another wasted opportunity.

She stopped herself before her thoughts turned too smutty. She shouldn't be thinking of Luke like that. She was married and pregnant, he was involved. But still she could look. And she would look. Damn, she would look. She smiled and willed him to say something, to break the awkward silence.

It was completely quiet, completely uncomfortable.

And then Lorelai walked in.