Hello everybody! This is one of those rare, quick updates. Be happy. HAPPY, I SAY! I SEE YOU! You're not HAPPY enough!!!!! Except for you, theshiz, bouncing with all that anticipation…
Disclaimer: Hmm…do I think up a new, crappier running joke? No, not right now. I don't own the Matrix (DAMMIT!). Also don't own Aflac or anything else that it's quite obvious that I don't own, like MovieFone. Or Fandango.
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Chapter 14
(We last left Neo and Spoon Boy duking it out while waiting for the Oracle to get ready. The priestess finally stepped out and told Neo she was ready. Some final words were exchanged between the combatants…)
NEO: Yeah, you little punk, you just better feel lucky that I was in a good mood!
SPOON BOY: Oh, so you go around abusing little children when you're in a GOOD mood? I hate to see what you're like in a BAD mood…
(…then Neo heads back to see the Oracle. He walks in, seemingly afraid of the beads that serve as a door to the kitchen, then looks around awkwardly. The Oracle holds up her hand.)
ORACLE: I know you're Neo. I can see your reflection in this little oven window. Be right with you.
NEO: You're the Oracle?
ORACLE: *suddenly furious* Dammit, boy, what part of "be right with you" DON'T you understand? I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU. As in NOT RIGHT NOW. *calms down* Bingo.
NEO: *looks around* You have a dog?
ORACLE: No.
NEO: Ohh, I see, you're OLD, so you like playing BINGO.
ORACLE: Yeah, sure, whatever kid, now shut up.
NEO: Okay…*mumbles* Mrs. Hitler…
ORACLE: I heard that! *calm again* Not quite what you were expecting, right?
NEO: No, not-
ORACLE: AL-most done. Smell good, don't they? *gets ready to take out the cookies*
NEO: But I thought you said they were AL-most done, not doney-done…why are you getting them out NOW?
ORACLE: BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT! *calms* I'd ask you to sit down, but you're being a little a-hole at the moment. And you wouldn't have done it anyway. Oh, and don't worry about that vase.
NEO: What vase? *turns around, flailing his arms madly and hitting all other objects around it* I don't see a vase…
(As the smoke from his destruction ceases, it is seen that the vase is the only thing still intact. Suffering from a strange kind of destructive obsessive-compulsive disorder, Neo grabs the vase and slams it to the floor.)
ORACLE: …that vase.
NEO: *all panicked, knowing the Oracle will explode on him* I'm sorry! I really am!!
ORACLE: I said don't worry about it. I've got that insurance.
NEO: What insurance?
RANDOM DUCK: Aflac.
ORACLE: Oh, you know, that insurance that covered everything except vases until just recently.
NEO: Huh. I've never heard of that before. Do you know what it's called?
DUCK: Aflac.
ORACLE: Not a clue.
NEO: Oh. But I suppose it helps. I mean, you left the oven door open, and you've got this foot-pedal flip top garbage can facing away from the oven…if something was sitting on the top of the garbage can and you hit the foot pedal really hard, it would fly STRAIGHT into the open oven!
ORACLE: Yeah, I guess I better close the oven door now…
(The duck, trying to get everyone's attention, jumps onto the lid of the trashcan. Everything begins moving in slow motion. The Oracle is walking slooooowly over to the oven to close it. Neo, still trying to prove his point, slams his foot down on the foot pedal on the garbage can as hard as possible. The duck is sent flying, and with one last shout of "Aflaaaaaaaaaaac!" he catapults into the oven. Immediately after this, the Oracle closes the door. Thus ends the sad, sad tale of the Aflac duck.)
ORACLE: Or maybe I'll just get one of the pathetic children to fix it.
NEO: How did you know?
ORACLE: Well, you kinda have a history of randomly breaking stuff, from what I understand. What's REALLY going to bake your noodle later on is…would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything?
(The Oracle proceeds to light a cigarette.)
NEO: Look, first of all, I don't BAKE noodles, I BOIL them. Second, of course I would have. If you were REALLY the Oracle you would've known that I ALSO have a history of vandalizing poor, defenseless, elderly peoples' homes. And third, if you were the Oracle, you'd know that smoking is bad for you.
ORACLE: Oh, put a sock in it.
NEO: Okay!
(Neo takes off a shoe. The Oracle facepalms.)
ORACLE: You're stupider than I thought…
NEO: Why thank-HEY!
ORACLE: I just fail to see why she likes you…
NEO: Who loves me, baby?
ORACLE: …wow, you really ARE dumb…do you at least know why Morpheus brought you to see me?
NEO: COOKIES!
ORACLE: Exact-wait a second…nope, you're still wrong and I'm still high.
NEO: Uhh…from a cigarette?
ORACLE: You think that smell when you came in was coming from those cookies?
NEO: Hmm…
ORACLE: So dude, do you think you're the One?
NEO: I don't know…
ORACLE: *points above Neo* You know what that means?
(The camera pans to a sign that says "Knowus thyselfum")
ORACLE: It means "Know thyself."
NEO: Never would've guessed.
ORACLE: I'm gonna let you in on a little secret…being the One is just like being in love. It's amazing at first, then you commit yourself to it, then you go insane, fall into a bottomless pit of debt, and eventually kill yourself or wish you were dead. So, no one can TELL you when you're in love. You just know it. Kinda like when you've been hit by a truck and you're in your last split second of consciousness.
NEO: Sounds like…a party…yeah, one where you go to be tortured…
ORACLE: *stands up* Well, let me have a look at you…give you your annual exam…open your mouth, say "Ah."
NEO: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
(The Oracle proceeds to check him over, pulling his eyelids down, looking in his ears, that sort of thing…then she reads his palms.)
ORACLE: Now I'm supposed to say, "That blows, you're gonna die in seven days…" Or was it, "Hmm, that's interesting, but…", then you say…
NEO: Haha, you said BUTT!
ORACLE: Not quite what I was expecting, but….
NEO: AHAHAHAHA, you said it AGAIN!
ORACLE: God, I try to walk him through everything he's supposed to say, but he just won't…
NEO: I'm not the One.
ORACLE: Oh my God, it's a miracle…I think I may have a HEART ATTACK!!!
NEO: Sounds like fun. Call me when it's over, I'll be eating those cookies…
ORACLE: No, you won't. See, you ARE the One…but you're waiting for your next life or something.
NEO: Am I gonna DIE?
AUDIENCE: *cough hack coughcough*
ORACLE: Why of course, sweetie, everyone dies! But like I said, you're gonna die in…
NEO: Seven days, I know, I know.
ORACLE: Yep, that's just the way the cookie crumbles…
NEO: *laughs to himself*
ORACLE: What's so funny, punk?
NEO: Oh, just, you know…you're making cookies, and you're talking about them crumbling, and…hahaha, it's FUNNY! Oh, but while we're on the subject…Morpheus is funny. I mean, he was preaching and preaching, and he almost had me convinced.
ORACLE: I know. I'm the Oracle; that's my job, after all. Poor Morpheus…without him, we're lost.
AUDIENCE: And WITH him, we're asleep…
ORACLE: Morpheus is gonna die.
NEO: Uhh…shouldn't you have asked me if I wanted to hear that first?
ORACLE: Meh, possibly. You're gonna have to make a choice…
NEO: Lemme guess, between sitting and standing?
ORACLE: No…
NEO: Between the salvation of humanity and the life of my lover?
ORACLE: No, Neo…
NEO: Between the red pill and the blue pill? Whether I want a piece of candy? Whether I…
ORACLE: NO! You can either save Morpheus or die.
NEO: Is that a threat?
ORACLE: Yeah, sure…look, one of you is gonna die. Sorry to have to tell you…you're really quite dumb, and I hate giving dumb people news they can't comprehend…so instead, I give them cookies.
(The Oracle picks up a plate with cookies on them. From the side of the plate, a piece of paper hangs. The word "Poison" is seen crossed out, and next to it is the words "cookies for friends".)
ORACLE: Take one. By the time you're done eating it, you'll feel better.
(Neo walks out. He knows that the cookies obviously have marijuana baked into them, hence the "feeling better" thing. This also is an incentive for him to eat the cookie whole.)
MORPHEUS: What was said is for you and you alone…
NEO: Duuuuuuude…
(They leave. The scene switches to a rather risqué photo of…the woman in the red dress. Minus the dress. Mouse is seen looking at it.)
MOUSE: *looks at the camera* I only look at this stuff for the articles, I swear!
(His phone rings, and he picks it up.)
TANK: They're on their way.
(The scene goes back to outside, where Switch and Apoc are waiting. The car drives up. Cypher smiles at Neo in his creepy fashion. Neo shakes his head and walks away. The scene cuts back to the real world to show Cypher twitching. Tank looks strangely at his computer screens, and the music intensifies.)
TANK: What is that?
AUDIENCE: Uh-oh, that can't be good…Tank is THE uber-geek, and he knows EVERYTHING…
(We go back to see the rest of the crew climbing the stairs. Neo sees a cat.)
NEO: Aww…
(A dog comes and chases away the cat.)
NEO: Whoa…
(The cat runs back out, chasing a mouse.)
NEO: Yeah, go get 'im!
(The mouse runs back out, chasing an elephant.)
NEO: o_O That's really weird…
TRINITY: What?
NEO: Oh, nothing. Just an unlikely series of animals randomly chasing each other.
(Everyone turns around)
TRINITY: What did you just say?
NEO: Uhh...nothing? Just something strange…
TRINITY: What did you see?
CYPHER: What happened?
TRINITY: Hey, pal, I'm asking the questions here, not you.
NEO: I saw a dog. Then a cat. Then a mouse. Then an elephant. They were all chasing each other.
TRINITY: Oh, no…
CYPHER: The classic cartoon rivalries…
TRINITY: Something's changed…
(Cut back to Mouse, looking kinda scared.)
MOUSE: I'm kinda scared…
TANK: Oh my God…
(We see a pair of wire cutters…cutting some wires.)
MORPHEUS: On your mark…getsetgo!
(Everyone runs up the stairs quickly. Mouse's phone rings.)
MOUSE: You have reached MovieFone. For showtimes, press 1. For theaters near you, press 2…
TANK: AHH!! IT'S A TRAP, Mr. MovieFone! Get out while you still can, or I shall never know when [insert name of movie that was in theaters in 1999] starts!
MOUSE: You could always use Fandango. I mean…AHHHH!!
(Mouse shows that the window has been locked. There is a sign with detailed instructions that show how to unlock it, but instead Mouse goes for the really huge guns. Some police guys come in, and Mouse starts shooting.)
MOUSE: Diiiiiieee! Kamikaze!!!
(He dies. That's it.)
THESHIZ: WHADDAYA MEAN, "THAT'S IT"?!
(The tale of Mouse is a long, sad, detailed one.)
DORY: Oh, this is gonna be good, I can tell!
(…But we don't have time to tell it right now, maybe some other time.)
TANK: *looks severely constipated*
(We get back to the other characters, who are running up the biiiiig stairwell. They all run into a bigger room, and notice that the windows are locked.)
CYPHER: That's what they changed. I don't do childproof window locks. We're trapped. There's no way out. I'm pretending to be panicked with an amazing lack of exclamation points.
MORPHEUS: Be calm. Gimme your phone. I just love them picture phones!
TRINITY: They'll be able to track it. Especially if you take pictures of our EXACT location.
MORPHEUS: We have no choice.
TANK: *trying to look dramatic/sad/in pain and only succeeding in the latter* Operator.
MORPHEUS: Find a structural drawing of this building. Do it fast, please. We're kinda in a hurry.
(There is a suspenseful shot of all the cops running up the stairs.)
TANK: Hmm…sorry, buddy, it seems I can only find blueprints…
AUDIENCE: Why didn't he make himself useful and find those in the FIRST PLACE?!
TANK: Got it.
MORPHEUS: I need the main wet-wall.
TANK: You mean the bathroom where everyone's aim seems to be a little off?
MORPHEUS: Yeah, whatever.
(To add more suspense, Agent Smith is seen intercepting the phone call and telling everyone else where they're heading.)
SMITH: They're going…they're going to DISNEY WORLD! No, wait, scratch that, it's the eighth floor.
(Back to the other people.)
MORPHEUS: Switch, straight ahead.
SWITCH: Why are you telling ME where to go? Shouldn't you be telling everybody and not just focusing on ME?
MORPHEUS: Yeah, whatever.
APOC: Hey, Neo. *does cool flippy thing with a gun* I hope the Oracle gave you some good news.
NEO: No, she said Morpheus is gonna DIE. Or maybe me, it depends on how selfish I'm feeling.
APOC: Great. We're all dead.
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And that is that. Yeah, so I didn't give everyone time to review…still…
theshiz: For the record: I LOVE YOU TOO! And that tale of Mouse's life that I was talking to you about shall be written. I think.
Nithke: You know, the random humor isn't just created from nothing. It's like energy…it never increases or decreases, it's just randomly transferred. In this case, from myself to Microsoft Word. Anywho, thank you very much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
lazy Nitz: I know who you are. I'M COMING FOR YOU! Actually, I'm not, because I only know the general vicinity of where you live. But whatever. And yes, you are predictable. That's a compliment! Really! Yay for Zim! *waves Irken flag*
mronimusha: Heh, don't blame you for being scared. But think of it this way: I thought of it. It came from MY brain. I had to type it. Do you feel sorry for me now? Let's see…what WAS I on…I dunno. Pepto Bismol is the only thing I can think of, you could go buy some if you want. Then again, don't. You know, chugging that stuff is bad for you. Look at how I turned out. *twitches*
blue: Thankee very much! I guess I can keep it up…or something…yeah…
Okay, that's it! Don't forget to drop off your reviews, and…stuff. Yeah.
Disclaimer: Hmm…do I think up a new, crappier running joke? No, not right now. I don't own the Matrix (DAMMIT!). Also don't own Aflac or anything else that it's quite obvious that I don't own, like MovieFone. Or Fandango.
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Chapter 14
(We last left Neo and Spoon Boy duking it out while waiting for the Oracle to get ready. The priestess finally stepped out and told Neo she was ready. Some final words were exchanged between the combatants…)
NEO: Yeah, you little punk, you just better feel lucky that I was in a good mood!
SPOON BOY: Oh, so you go around abusing little children when you're in a GOOD mood? I hate to see what you're like in a BAD mood…
(…then Neo heads back to see the Oracle. He walks in, seemingly afraid of the beads that serve as a door to the kitchen, then looks around awkwardly. The Oracle holds up her hand.)
ORACLE: I know you're Neo. I can see your reflection in this little oven window. Be right with you.
NEO: You're the Oracle?
ORACLE: *suddenly furious* Dammit, boy, what part of "be right with you" DON'T you understand? I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU. As in NOT RIGHT NOW. *calms down* Bingo.
NEO: *looks around* You have a dog?
ORACLE: No.
NEO: Ohh, I see, you're OLD, so you like playing BINGO.
ORACLE: Yeah, sure, whatever kid, now shut up.
NEO: Okay…*mumbles* Mrs. Hitler…
ORACLE: I heard that! *calm again* Not quite what you were expecting, right?
NEO: No, not-
ORACLE: AL-most done. Smell good, don't they? *gets ready to take out the cookies*
NEO: But I thought you said they were AL-most done, not doney-done…why are you getting them out NOW?
ORACLE: BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT! *calms* I'd ask you to sit down, but you're being a little a-hole at the moment. And you wouldn't have done it anyway. Oh, and don't worry about that vase.
NEO: What vase? *turns around, flailing his arms madly and hitting all other objects around it* I don't see a vase…
(As the smoke from his destruction ceases, it is seen that the vase is the only thing still intact. Suffering from a strange kind of destructive obsessive-compulsive disorder, Neo grabs the vase and slams it to the floor.)
ORACLE: …that vase.
NEO: *all panicked, knowing the Oracle will explode on him* I'm sorry! I really am!!
ORACLE: I said don't worry about it. I've got that insurance.
NEO: What insurance?
RANDOM DUCK: Aflac.
ORACLE: Oh, you know, that insurance that covered everything except vases until just recently.
NEO: Huh. I've never heard of that before. Do you know what it's called?
DUCK: Aflac.
ORACLE: Not a clue.
NEO: Oh. But I suppose it helps. I mean, you left the oven door open, and you've got this foot-pedal flip top garbage can facing away from the oven…if something was sitting on the top of the garbage can and you hit the foot pedal really hard, it would fly STRAIGHT into the open oven!
ORACLE: Yeah, I guess I better close the oven door now…
(The duck, trying to get everyone's attention, jumps onto the lid of the trashcan. Everything begins moving in slow motion. The Oracle is walking slooooowly over to the oven to close it. Neo, still trying to prove his point, slams his foot down on the foot pedal on the garbage can as hard as possible. The duck is sent flying, and with one last shout of "Aflaaaaaaaaaaac!" he catapults into the oven. Immediately after this, the Oracle closes the door. Thus ends the sad, sad tale of the Aflac duck.)
ORACLE: Or maybe I'll just get one of the pathetic children to fix it.
NEO: How did you know?
ORACLE: Well, you kinda have a history of randomly breaking stuff, from what I understand. What's REALLY going to bake your noodle later on is…would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything?
(The Oracle proceeds to light a cigarette.)
NEO: Look, first of all, I don't BAKE noodles, I BOIL them. Second, of course I would have. If you were REALLY the Oracle you would've known that I ALSO have a history of vandalizing poor, defenseless, elderly peoples' homes. And third, if you were the Oracle, you'd know that smoking is bad for you.
ORACLE: Oh, put a sock in it.
NEO: Okay!
(Neo takes off a shoe. The Oracle facepalms.)
ORACLE: You're stupider than I thought…
NEO: Why thank-HEY!
ORACLE: I just fail to see why she likes you…
NEO: Who loves me, baby?
ORACLE: …wow, you really ARE dumb…do you at least know why Morpheus brought you to see me?
NEO: COOKIES!
ORACLE: Exact-wait a second…nope, you're still wrong and I'm still high.
NEO: Uhh…from a cigarette?
ORACLE: You think that smell when you came in was coming from those cookies?
NEO: Hmm…
ORACLE: So dude, do you think you're the One?
NEO: I don't know…
ORACLE: *points above Neo* You know what that means?
(The camera pans to a sign that says "Knowus thyselfum")
ORACLE: It means "Know thyself."
NEO: Never would've guessed.
ORACLE: I'm gonna let you in on a little secret…being the One is just like being in love. It's amazing at first, then you commit yourself to it, then you go insane, fall into a bottomless pit of debt, and eventually kill yourself or wish you were dead. So, no one can TELL you when you're in love. You just know it. Kinda like when you've been hit by a truck and you're in your last split second of consciousness.
NEO: Sounds like…a party…yeah, one where you go to be tortured…
ORACLE: *stands up* Well, let me have a look at you…give you your annual exam…open your mouth, say "Ah."
NEO: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
(The Oracle proceeds to check him over, pulling his eyelids down, looking in his ears, that sort of thing…then she reads his palms.)
ORACLE: Now I'm supposed to say, "That blows, you're gonna die in seven days…" Or was it, "Hmm, that's interesting, but…", then you say…
NEO: Haha, you said BUTT!
ORACLE: Not quite what I was expecting, but….
NEO: AHAHAHAHA, you said it AGAIN!
ORACLE: God, I try to walk him through everything he's supposed to say, but he just won't…
NEO: I'm not the One.
ORACLE: Oh my God, it's a miracle…I think I may have a HEART ATTACK!!!
NEO: Sounds like fun. Call me when it's over, I'll be eating those cookies…
ORACLE: No, you won't. See, you ARE the One…but you're waiting for your next life or something.
NEO: Am I gonna DIE?
AUDIENCE: *cough hack coughcough*
ORACLE: Why of course, sweetie, everyone dies! But like I said, you're gonna die in…
NEO: Seven days, I know, I know.
ORACLE: Yep, that's just the way the cookie crumbles…
NEO: *laughs to himself*
ORACLE: What's so funny, punk?
NEO: Oh, just, you know…you're making cookies, and you're talking about them crumbling, and…hahaha, it's FUNNY! Oh, but while we're on the subject…Morpheus is funny. I mean, he was preaching and preaching, and he almost had me convinced.
ORACLE: I know. I'm the Oracle; that's my job, after all. Poor Morpheus…without him, we're lost.
AUDIENCE: And WITH him, we're asleep…
ORACLE: Morpheus is gonna die.
NEO: Uhh…shouldn't you have asked me if I wanted to hear that first?
ORACLE: Meh, possibly. You're gonna have to make a choice…
NEO: Lemme guess, between sitting and standing?
ORACLE: No…
NEO: Between the salvation of humanity and the life of my lover?
ORACLE: No, Neo…
NEO: Between the red pill and the blue pill? Whether I want a piece of candy? Whether I…
ORACLE: NO! You can either save Morpheus or die.
NEO: Is that a threat?
ORACLE: Yeah, sure…look, one of you is gonna die. Sorry to have to tell you…you're really quite dumb, and I hate giving dumb people news they can't comprehend…so instead, I give them cookies.
(The Oracle picks up a plate with cookies on them. From the side of the plate, a piece of paper hangs. The word "Poison" is seen crossed out, and next to it is the words "cookies for friends".)
ORACLE: Take one. By the time you're done eating it, you'll feel better.
(Neo walks out. He knows that the cookies obviously have marijuana baked into them, hence the "feeling better" thing. This also is an incentive for him to eat the cookie whole.)
MORPHEUS: What was said is for you and you alone…
NEO: Duuuuuuude…
(They leave. The scene switches to a rather risqué photo of…the woman in the red dress. Minus the dress. Mouse is seen looking at it.)
MOUSE: *looks at the camera* I only look at this stuff for the articles, I swear!
(His phone rings, and he picks it up.)
TANK: They're on their way.
(The scene goes back to outside, where Switch and Apoc are waiting. The car drives up. Cypher smiles at Neo in his creepy fashion. Neo shakes his head and walks away. The scene cuts back to the real world to show Cypher twitching. Tank looks strangely at his computer screens, and the music intensifies.)
TANK: What is that?
AUDIENCE: Uh-oh, that can't be good…Tank is THE uber-geek, and he knows EVERYTHING…
(We go back to see the rest of the crew climbing the stairs. Neo sees a cat.)
NEO: Aww…
(A dog comes and chases away the cat.)
NEO: Whoa…
(The cat runs back out, chasing a mouse.)
NEO: Yeah, go get 'im!
(The mouse runs back out, chasing an elephant.)
NEO: o_O That's really weird…
TRINITY: What?
NEO: Oh, nothing. Just an unlikely series of animals randomly chasing each other.
(Everyone turns around)
TRINITY: What did you just say?
NEO: Uhh...nothing? Just something strange…
TRINITY: What did you see?
CYPHER: What happened?
TRINITY: Hey, pal, I'm asking the questions here, not you.
NEO: I saw a dog. Then a cat. Then a mouse. Then an elephant. They were all chasing each other.
TRINITY: Oh, no…
CYPHER: The classic cartoon rivalries…
TRINITY: Something's changed…
(Cut back to Mouse, looking kinda scared.)
MOUSE: I'm kinda scared…
TANK: Oh my God…
(We see a pair of wire cutters…cutting some wires.)
MORPHEUS: On your mark…getsetgo!
(Everyone runs up the stairs quickly. Mouse's phone rings.)
MOUSE: You have reached MovieFone. For showtimes, press 1. For theaters near you, press 2…
TANK: AHH!! IT'S A TRAP, Mr. MovieFone! Get out while you still can, or I shall never know when [insert name of movie that was in theaters in 1999] starts!
MOUSE: You could always use Fandango. I mean…AHHHH!!
(Mouse shows that the window has been locked. There is a sign with detailed instructions that show how to unlock it, but instead Mouse goes for the really huge guns. Some police guys come in, and Mouse starts shooting.)
MOUSE: Diiiiiieee! Kamikaze!!!
(He dies. That's it.)
THESHIZ: WHADDAYA MEAN, "THAT'S IT"?!
(The tale of Mouse is a long, sad, detailed one.)
DORY: Oh, this is gonna be good, I can tell!
(…But we don't have time to tell it right now, maybe some other time.)
TANK: *looks severely constipated*
(We get back to the other characters, who are running up the biiiiig stairwell. They all run into a bigger room, and notice that the windows are locked.)
CYPHER: That's what they changed. I don't do childproof window locks. We're trapped. There's no way out. I'm pretending to be panicked with an amazing lack of exclamation points.
MORPHEUS: Be calm. Gimme your phone. I just love them picture phones!
TRINITY: They'll be able to track it. Especially if you take pictures of our EXACT location.
MORPHEUS: We have no choice.
TANK: *trying to look dramatic/sad/in pain and only succeeding in the latter* Operator.
MORPHEUS: Find a structural drawing of this building. Do it fast, please. We're kinda in a hurry.
(There is a suspenseful shot of all the cops running up the stairs.)
TANK: Hmm…sorry, buddy, it seems I can only find blueprints…
AUDIENCE: Why didn't he make himself useful and find those in the FIRST PLACE?!
TANK: Got it.
MORPHEUS: I need the main wet-wall.
TANK: You mean the bathroom where everyone's aim seems to be a little off?
MORPHEUS: Yeah, whatever.
(To add more suspense, Agent Smith is seen intercepting the phone call and telling everyone else where they're heading.)
SMITH: They're going…they're going to DISNEY WORLD! No, wait, scratch that, it's the eighth floor.
(Back to the other people.)
MORPHEUS: Switch, straight ahead.
SWITCH: Why are you telling ME where to go? Shouldn't you be telling everybody and not just focusing on ME?
MORPHEUS: Yeah, whatever.
APOC: Hey, Neo. *does cool flippy thing with a gun* I hope the Oracle gave you some good news.
NEO: No, she said Morpheus is gonna DIE. Or maybe me, it depends on how selfish I'm feeling.
APOC: Great. We're all dead.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And that is that. Yeah, so I didn't give everyone time to review…still…
theshiz: For the record: I LOVE YOU TOO! And that tale of Mouse's life that I was talking to you about shall be written. I think.
Nithke: You know, the random humor isn't just created from nothing. It's like energy…it never increases or decreases, it's just randomly transferred. In this case, from myself to Microsoft Word. Anywho, thank you very much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
lazy Nitz: I know who you are. I'M COMING FOR YOU! Actually, I'm not, because I only know the general vicinity of where you live. But whatever. And yes, you are predictable. That's a compliment! Really! Yay for Zim! *waves Irken flag*
mronimusha: Heh, don't blame you for being scared. But think of it this way: I thought of it. It came from MY brain. I had to type it. Do you feel sorry for me now? Let's see…what WAS I on…I dunno. Pepto Bismol is the only thing I can think of, you could go buy some if you want. Then again, don't. You know, chugging that stuff is bad for you. Look at how I turned out. *twitches*
blue: Thankee very much! I guess I can keep it up…or something…yeah…
Okay, that's it! Don't forget to drop off your reviews, and…stuff. Yeah.