Melt

Summary: Cedric Diggory made a bet. A very stupid bet. And now, in order to save himself the humiliation of arriving at the End-of-Year feast naked, he's got two months to seduce the girl known as the Ice Serpent. But Lexxie Wyse isn't willing to come along quietly, and even the charming Mr. Diggory will be lucky to walk away from this one intact. Sabotaged Herbology projects, girl fights, a jealous Cho Chang, one exceptionally lewd Hufflepuff Chaser, and snark abound.

Rating: Hum. There is a fair amount of snark, and a few naughty comments (they're Quidditch boys, after all). But I would imagine this story should rate no higher than PG-13. For now. We shall see where the plot bunnies take me…

Feedback: Every time a reader reviews, um… a plot bunny gets its, erm… fangs? Translation: Reviews GOOD.

Author's Note: After doing extensive research (i.e., obsessively rereading the books), I have discovered that although Cedric is seventeen in Goblet of Fire, he is in fact only a sixth-year. And as this story takes place during the last two months of Prisoner of Azkaban, that means he, Tim and Steve (who you will soon meet) are all fifth-years, as well as Lexxie. And I have a wonderful idea to explain just why Ced is a 17-year-old sixth-year, which will be revealed later in the fic. My sixth fic, yay! And I'm getting novel-length vibes from this one, too, so just sit right back (and you'll hear a tale)… Sorry. Couldn't help myself. ;)

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The rather damp and particularly foul-smelling pair of gym socks hit him squarely in the face the moment he entered the locker room, accompanied by a few feminine giggles and one distinctly annoyed male voice griping, "Bloody hell, Ced, did you steal a page out of Wood's book of Quidditch ethics or what?"

Cedric Diggory let the dirty socks slide slowly off to the floor, revealing his glaring visage beneath. "That was disgusting, Tim."

"And you are turning into a Quidditch dick, Ced." Timothy Baker, Hufflepuff Chaser and unforgivable smartass, shot his captain what he undoubtedly considered an expression of supreme wisdom. "It is for your own good that I am forced to point out your very dick-like attitude today during practice. Such as when you chose to go off and spend twenty minutes yelling at me and poor Steve here." He waved an indicative hand at Beater Steve Ritmann, who was laughing far too hard to be considered 'poor.'

Fixing his teammate with a skeptical stare, the Quidditch captain replied, "I went off on you two for a grand total of five minutes, and that was because you were having a contest to see which one of you could hit the other in the crotch with the Quaffle."

Tim looked affronted as he protested, "That was simply an exercise to improve coordination and reflexes! Right, Steve-O?" The Chaser turned and looked hopefully at his friend for affirmation. But curly blonde-haired Steve was lost in a paroxysm of hysterical giggles and toppled backward off the bench when his name was called. Tim turned back to Cedric and said soberly, "See? Steve agrees with me."

Rolling his pale grey eyes beseechingly skyward, Cedric muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "I'm surrounded by idiots," as he shuffled over to the bench nearest his locker. He began the process of stripping off his summer Quidditch uniform, and had managed to peel the yellow and black striped jersey halfway over his head when a hand thwapped him heavily upon the back.

Tim's voice announced cheerfully, "Serious though, Ced, lay off the Quidditch tyranny. I mean, our season's more or less over, right? There's only one game left, and that's just Gryff and Slyth battling it out for the Cup again this year. You know, technically, we don't really even need to be practicing…"

"Yeah, really, because it's not like there's a whole other season to play next year or anything," Cedric shot back, shooing the black-haired Chaser away with a dismissive wave.

"Aw, c'mon, Cedric, we can worry about next year's season next year," Steve piped up, having finally recovered from his laughing fit. "Besides, it's not like it takes that much preparation to lose."

Exasperated, the Quidditch captain threw up his hands. "That's the kind of attitude that keeps us from being Cup contenders every year!"

"Yeah, because the fact we suck has nothing to do with it," Tim added under his breath.

Cedric served his teammate a well-aimed punch to the shoulder, knocking the other boy back a step. "We have a good team," he asserted, glancing around at the six other players occupying the locker room. "We really do. Now all we have to do is pull it together a little more, work on some trickier moves and perfect our timing, and we'll…" he trailed off as he caught sight of Tim.

The Chaser was slowly shaking his head, as though gazing upon a particularly pitiful specimen. "Poor, delusional Ced."

But before Cedric could formulate a scathing comeback, a female voice spoke up from the back of the locker room. "Actually, Cedric's right, Timmy," said Danielle Sauder, sixth-year Chaser and one half the pair of the only girls to be on that year's House team. She continued to coerce a brush through her slightly frizzy brown curls as she went on, "We are the best team Hufflepuff's had in years. After all, we did win at least one of our games this year, and that's the first time I can remember our House winning a game since I started here."

"She's got a point," agreed Keeper Lysander Blaire, who'd previously been content just listening to the regular locker room banter.

Tim exchanged a skeptical glance with Steve before playfully announcing, "Come off it, Sander, you agree with anything your girlfriend says…" The Chaser paused, taking note of the slightly dangerous glare that the Keeper was shooting his way. As a seventh-year and the oldest team member, the calm and reserved Lysander retained an unspoken air of authority amongst the team, despite Cedric's "official" position as captain. In light of this, Tim quickly changed his response to, "You're absolutely right, she does have a point."

"Yes indeed, she does." Lysander nodded, and traded a smile with significant other.

But Cedric was slowly shaking his head, the familiar wave of guilt traveling through him as he thought about their season's only victory. "It wasn't a fair game," he said, reciting words he'd spoken at least a hundred times before. "Potter passed out when the Dementors came on the field, and I didn't realize it till after I had the Snitch. It wasn't a fair win and I tried to tell Madam Hooch that, and convince her we needed a rematch, but she wouldn't hear of it—"

"And she was right," fourth-year Denny McGill interrupted, gazing with unabashed admiration at the captain. "You caught the Snitch fair and square, Cedric, because you're a good Seeker. Don't let yourself think otherwise."

Murmurs of agreement rose from Lysander, Danielle, and Sun Yi Wong, the younger of the two Quidditch girls. Even Steve and Tim, despite their earlier teasing, were flashing encouraging smiles at the Hufflepuff Seeker.

Cedric fought back the blush trying to creep up from his collar. Shuffling his feet restlessly against the oak floorboards, he admitted, "Well, I wouldn't mind trying it again—beating Potter, that is. And in a fair game, next time…" He let a slight hint of mischief creep into his grin as he added, "Which is why we need to keep practicing, even though our season is over."

A collective round of groans filled the locker room.

"All right," Danielle announced, "I think that's about enough Quidditch for me for one night. I've got an eighteen-inch Herbology essay I can hear calling my name all the way from the common room." She rose smoothly, brushed the last wrinkles out of her school robes, then sent a glance at Lysander. "Coming, love?"

The Keeper sent a discreet glance over at Steve before answering, "In a bit."

Smiling easily, she replied, "Okay," and grazed a kiss across his forehead. "See you later."

"Wait a second, Danielle, I'll come with you," said Sun Yi, hurriedly tossing the last of her equipment in her locker. The fourth-year Chaser rushed to join her older teammate at the doorway as she remarked, "I don't really want to walk back up to the castle alone, what with those awful Dementors still wandering around." The two broke into vivid conversation as they walked out together, their footsteps echoing off down the corridor.

Silence reigned the room for a full two seconds before Steve announced loudly, "About ruddy time," and dove directly into his locker. He gave the back panel a swift kick, knocking loose the fake board and revealing the small hidden compartment beyond. Five frosty bottles of butterbeer were quickly produced and passed around the room. "Drink up, lads. You earned it."

"Here, here!" Tim raised his bottle in toast then took a healthy swallow, at last sighing with contentment when he'd drained half the beverage. He dropped ungracefully down onto the bench next to Cedric. "Bloody hell, I thought those two were never going to leave. How's a bloke supposed to get comfortable?" he groused, and made an elaborate display of readjusting the contents of his jock strap.

"You're obscene, Tim," Cedric remarked, but the corners of his lips were quirked into a grin as he shook his head at the Chaser.

Tim simply grinned. "What? There are just some things you can't do in front of a couple of sheilas."

An exasperated groan emanated up from the floor, where Lysander had stretched out his long, lean body, his back propped against the row of lockers. "Merlin, Tim, how many times do I have to tell you? Don't call Danielle and Sun Yi 'sheilas.' One, neither of their names are Sheila, and two, you're not from Australia." As Tim opened his mouth to protest, the Keeper quickly added, "And no, I don't care that you spent last summer in Australia and picked up the slang. Quit calling my girlfriend a sheila."

In true mature Tim fashion, the black-haired Chaser stuck his tongue out at Lysander.

"I knew a Sheila once," Steve mused, absently rolling his butterbeer bottle between his hands. "And bloody hell, was she ever a good shag."

Light chuckles rose from the Hufflepuff Quidditch boys, in recognition of the sexual conquests of one of their number.

"Mmm, that's kind of funny actually," Denny spoke up, glancing thoughtfully around at his teammates. "Because the Sheila I knew was… hmm. How should I put this politely? 'Horrendously troll-like' seems to fit the bill. You know, the type of girl when you see her coming around, you guard your slice of pumpkin pie?"

Tim spat butterbeer down the front of his robes as he snorted a laugh, and was quickly joined by the giggles of Lysander, Cedric and Steve. Denny, the youngest of the assembled five as a fourth-year, looked tremendously pleased with himself for having amused his companions.

"Ohh hell," Steve moaned, slumping exhaustedly backward against his locker. "No more talk about ugly girls, huh? I've got History of Magic first thing tomorrow with the Ravenclaw girls, and there's a bunch that could use the benefit of a mirror."

"You're being optimistic if you think a glance in a mirror is all it would take to save those sins against nature," Tim interjected.

From beside the Chaser, Cedric made a noise halfway between reproach and agreement. The captain refrained from commenting, however, as he simply couldn't clear from his mind the images of the three Ravenclaw girls who sat in front of him in Professor Binns's class. He didn't know their names, despite being in the same year, so he simply identified them as Greasy Girl, Spotty Girl, and Chubby Girl.

"Hey, I've got a question for you, mates," Tim remarked suddenly, and his teammates, instantly recognizing the twinkle of mischief in their Chaser's eyes, leaned forward with interest. "If you were given a choice of all the girls in the school, both past and present—since I know five years' worth of potential girls have graduated since our first year—who would you most desire to shag?" He gave the question a moment to soak in, inspecting the contemplative expressions around the room before selecting his first victim. "Sander. Who would be your shag of a lifetime? And you can't bloody say Danielle."

The Keeper, who'd been opening his mouth to speak his girlfriend's name, quickly protested, "But she is my most desirable shag!"

"And you are an unbelievable liar if you tell me you've never thought about shagging someone else," Tim shot back promptly. "C'mon, mate, you have my word that not a single whisper of this conversation will ever leave the locker room."

Still mildly wary, Lysander gave Tim a last skeptical gaze before acquiescing, "Fine, fine. But if Danielle finds out and kills me, I'm coming back to haunt you."

"Fair enough," the Chaser laughed.

"All right… if I could shag any girl, past or present… hmm. I guess I'd have to say… Alicia Spinnet, that Gryffindor Chaser. I got a thing for Quidditch girls, you know?" He flashed a grin.

"Spinnet! Not bad at all, Sander, my man. She is definitely on my list of most shaggable girls," mused Tim, nodding with approval. "How about you, Steve-O?"

The blonde Beater was picking absently at a loose thread on his shirt. "Mmm. Well, I myself tend to be a bit wary of those Quidditch girls, as most of them could beat the snot out of me. When I think most shaggable, I think along the lines of someone innocent. Cute. Blonde." He smirked. "So my vote goes to Hannah Abbott, as I stay true our House." He gave an indicative wave to the black and yellow of his jersey.

"Hannah Abbott…" Tim rolled the name around as though trying to match it to a face. Then his gaze brightened. "Ohhh, Hannah? Pals around with Ernie Macmillan and ah… what's his name, Finch-Fletchley? Guy that got petrified last year?"

Steve nodded. "That's the one."

"Hmm, she is a nice little piece of real estate, isn't she? Got that naughty pigtails thing going on. I like that. Excellent selection, Steve-O, spiffing job. We're getting quite the little list here, huh? Denny. Keep the ball rolling and give us someone good."

"Well…" The fourth-year was sporting a satisfied smile, having given his response a fair bit of thought before selecting what he considered his winner. "I know the general consensus is that Ravenclaw girls are all lacking in the looks department, but I believe I've found the exception." He paused dramatically to make sure he had the attention of the other four.

"Which is…?" Tim prompted at last out of curiosity.

Denny grinned. "Padma Patil."

"Padma Patil!" Steve let out a low whistle. "Amen to that, mate."

Nodding his agreement, Tim added, "Merlin, she's a fine one. And don't forget she's got herself a twin who is just as gorgeous. Honestly, that should be illegal. Two girls so identically hot should not be allowed to inhabit the same building." He feigned wiping a sheen of sweat from his forehead. "Righto. Congrats, Denny, you've done the Most Shaggable list proud. And upheld the concept of Inter-House relationships, no less. We've now got ourselves a Gryff, a Huffie, and a Rave."

"So which one of you two's going to add a Slytherin?" queried Denny, glancing between Cedric and Tim.

The black-haired Chaser cocked a grin. "Guess that's gonna have to be me, since we all know Diggory here only has eyes for Cho Chang—"

"Hey!" Cedric protested, shooting a glare at his team mate.

A single skeptical eyebrow rose as Tim stared back at the captain. "What? You're honestly going to tell me that you were thinking of someone else?" he laughed. "Please, Ced, we're not blind. We see you two in the hallways together, practically on top of each other, and we all know she's about ten seconds away from jumping right on your face."

"That's not how it is," Cedric snapped, feeling an instant surge of annoyance.

"Oh really?" Tim smirked. "Enlighten us, then."

All eyes fell upon the Quidditch captain, who suddenly found his nails quite fascinating as this was in fact the last topic he wanted to explore. So they all had it in their heads that he wanted Cho Chang. Did he really care enough to tell them differently? But Cedric was a horrible liar, and the truth of the matter was, he didn't want Cho Chang. More like, she wanted him, and made no secret about her intentions. That was why his friends always saw them together, because the Ravenclaw Seeker practically stalked Cedric. She'd been nice enough at first, of course, and initially he had foreseen a possible relationship with her… but then she'd gotten clingy. And whiny. And obsessive, sicking all her friends upon him to tell him he should ask Cho out. This had been going on for nearly seven months now, to the point where he really just wished Cho and her minions would go away…

Satisfied by Cedric's silence, Tim announced, "Exactly. You can't fool us, Ced, we're your mates. Now, as I was saying…"

Ripples of irritation—in himself, this time—flooded through the Hufflepuff Seeker, as once again his complacent nature created a façade for him that carried not even a single shred of his true self. He had more or less just given them confirmation that it was Cho he desired, and he could only imagine how badly he'd be hounded when word got out to the Rave Seeker herself.

Almost without conscious effort, he blurted out, "Lexxie Wyse!"

The locker room and its occupants seemed suddenly frozen, Tim's jaw hanging slack as he'd been stopped halfway through an analysis of various Slytherin girls. Before conversation could resume or second thoughts overtake him, Cedric added resolutely, "If I could shag any girl in this entire school, I'd pick Lexxie Wyse."

Tim's look of shock was slowly creeping up into a smirk, and with a laugh, he replied, "Yeah, you and the rest of the male population. I don't think there's a single guy alive who wouldn't take the chance to shag Sexy Lexxie."

"Wait, who's Sexy Lexxie?" Denny interjected, earning himself a horrified look from Steve and a moan of exasperation from Tim.

"Bloody hell, Den, you don't know who Sexy Lexxie is?" Tim demanded.

Slowly Denny shook his head, trying to fight down his blush.

"Love of Merlin…" The Chaser buried his face in his hands, as though he'd just received the worst news of his life. "I can't believe there's a male on the planet who doesn't know… Bloody hell." Tim jumped up from his seat, crossing the room in two quick strides and kneeling down in front of Denny, so he and youngest Chaser were only centimeters apart. "Denny, listen to me closely. Lexxie Wyse is a perfect sexual being, placed on earth by a benevolent god for poor souls like us to fantasize about and wank off to. Every single bit of her is perfect. Legs? Perfect. Butt? Perfect. Chest? Perfect. She's got big silver eyes, big pouty lips, and black hair that's like silk that she likes to streak with different colors."

"It's magenta this year," Steve interjected.

"So you see, Den, it is a crime against nature for any man in existence to not know about Sexy Lexxie. It is every man's prayer to be with Sexy Lexxie. Only a blessed, select few have had the privilege, and oh, the tales they will tell… Denny, understand this: I'm a good-looking guy, and have had my fair share of attractive girls—" Cedric groaned. "—with countless numbers left lined up still waiting. But if given the chance, I would gnaw one of my own nuts off to be with Lexxie Wyse for just ten minutes."

Denny's eyes widened; this was a very profound statement, coming from Tim Baker. "She's really all you say she is?" the fourth-year whispered in awe.

"Yes, my brother. All that and more."

"And I love how no one has mentioned the fact that Lexxie Wyse is the devil incarnate," Lysander's amused voice drifted out across the room.

Tim sent a glare at the Keeper. "So she's got some issues with her people skills. That still doesn't make her any less the epitome of sexiness." Waving a dismissive hand at Lysander's words, Tim turned back to Denny. "She likes to shorten the hems of her skirts, right? So they barely reach her thighs and—"

But the Chaser had lost his avid audience, Denny's attention now upon the seventh-year. "What do you mean, Sander?"

Pointedly ignoring the dagger-filled glower directed at him by Tim, the Keeper explained, "Well, physically, Lexxie Wyse is everything Tim's made her out to be. But 'Sexy Lexxie' is also known as the Ice Serpent, and for good reason. For starters, nearly every member of her family is—or was—a Death Eater, and those that're still alive were not among the families who came back to our side after You-Know-Who's downfall. Needless to say, most of them are now in Azkaban. So if her background's not enough to turn you off already, then consider this. She's single-handedly received more detentions for fighting than any four students combined. When she talks, insults are the only things that come out of her mouth. If you even look at her the wrong way, she'll hex you, and Merlin forbid you ever find yourself on her bad side."

"Bloody hell," gasped Denny, his eyes wide as saucers as he turned his stare to Cedric. "And you picked her as your most desirable shag?"

For the second time that day, the Hufflepuff Seeker felt his cheeks color, and quickly jumped to the defense of his selection. "Oh, come off it, all you. That 'Ice Serpent' bit is a bunch of rubbish. Honestly, Lexxie Wyse can't be that bad; nobody is. I bet if the right guy came along, he could melt her like an ice cube in July." As soon as the words had cleared his mouth, Cedric knew he was in trouble. Tim's gaze was suddenly upon him, sharp and intent, with a gleam of mischief that was somehow unsettling.

"The right guy, huh?" the Chaser mused, rising to his feet and stalking round the room, till he seemed to be circling Cedric like a predator. "Sounds like our mate Ced here thinks he should be that guy. What do you think, Steve-O?"

But the blonde Beater put his hands defensively up to his chest. "Oh no. I'm staying out of this one. As much as I'd like to see Cedric get himself maimed by Sexy Lexxie, if he dies, then they'd probably make my sorry ass Quidditch captain next year."

Slowly Tim nodded his acquiescence. "Mmm, true, true…" Then his smirk re-ignited itself. "But I smell a bet here, and I just can't help myself. So I bet you, Cedric, that you can't… melt the Ice Serpent before the end of the school year."

"That's barely two months!" Cedric protested.

Tim inclined his head. "But you're Cedric Diggory. Girls practically throw themselves at you. Two months should be nothing for you," he drawled, smirking. "Unless, of course, you're scared of one little Slytherin girl…"

Steve, Denny and Lysander all stared at their arguing team mates, gaze jumping back and forth between the two as though they were observing a tennis match. At the moment, they were concentrated on Cedric, waiting for his reply—a fact the Seeker was all too aware of.

His masculine pride getting the best of him, he snapped, "I'm not scared."

Grin widening, the Chaser replied, "All right then. You've got two months to get Lexxie Wyse eating out of the palm of your hand. In order to win the bet, you've got to kiss her, passionately and publicly, at the Leaving Feast, and she's got to enjoy it as much as you do. If you can't pull that off, then you lose, and you've got to show up to the feast stark naked."

Cedric felt his stomach turn at the thought, but knew it was too late for him to back down now. He put on his best cocky smirk as he shot back, "Fine. And if I win, then you have to publicly declare your undying love for Professor Sprout at the feast. And I imagine a little kiss on the cheek to prove your affections would be in order."

"Fine." Tim bared his teeth in a grin.

"Fine." Cedric reached out his hand to shake roughly with his team mate. "It's a bet."

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Voila! The first chapter of my homage to the sex god that is Cedric Diggory. Hopefully there will be more up soon, depending on how generous my Cedric muse is feeling. :) Reviews are, of course, appreciated.

Lurve ~ Adele (who is having random salt and vinegar chip cravings at the moment)