Akira
I blink sleepily. Wine-red velvet lined with gold greets my eyes about the same time as the scent of incense smoke greets my nose and what I think is gypsy music greets my ears. Beneath the intoxicating scent of the incense smoke, I smell something like salty dew... the scent of desert sand. Weird... I remember making a speech at this celebration gala for the Hokuto Cup victory, and then I recall... fainting. So, why am I lying in some sort of tent on a stack of carpets, covered up to my shoulders in a patchwork blanket, with a round cushion under my head? A hospital is likely, but this? I thus conclude that I am dreaming and my imagination has some really weird ideas on how dreams should be like. Or...
"Well, that was slow. I must have been terribly mistaken in the notion that Go players processed information very quickly."
That voice... It's familiar... Why?
"Likely because you've heard it before, Aki."
Recognition sinks into me of the way the owner reads my mind, the name by which he calls me, his almost annoying sarcasm, and his twisted sense of humour in making the blanket look like a collage of Go stones –it's made of black and white circles of cloth sewn together in a patchwork- and making the cushion beneath my head in the exact likeness of a black Go stone. Hell, even the carpet I'm lying on is designed to look like a Goban, complete with all nine of the hoshi in the correct places even.
I smile as I sit up and turn to face the person speaking to me. He is wearing a black cloak with a hood and is standing next to a table covered in wine-red silk. "Your sense of humour, Arika; I still don't like it," I inform him in mock testiness.
"Well, you've only got yourself to blame, remember?" he returns airily.
"Or so I am..." My sarcastic response is abruptly cut off as my reflection tosses the cloak off in a puff of smoke. I blink. Twice. Thrice. Four times, in fact. I am NOT seeing this.
He's wearing a dress.
A white and purple dress.
I think it's the dress I saw the gypsy heroine of the cartoon 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' wearing on the show's billboard advertisement a few years back.
Gold bangles.
Large golden hoops for earrings.
Hell, he's even got the little purple cloth tied over his hair.
And no, the worst is yet to come.
He also happens to be wearing a FILLER BRA.
"ARIKA!!!" I screech at the top of my voice. "What the... mm."
Soft lips press against my own. My eyes widen phenomenally. It's a chaste kiss and he backs off swiftly enough, but it had its desired effect: I am stunned speechless. Chaste or no, kissing yourself?
"Akira, Akira, Akira... Get that kilometre-long stick out of your ass, will you? I'm pretty, no?" He twirls around, smiling sweetly. The skirt rises with his movement.
"I..." Well... Actually, it is pretty... But that would mean that I... NO!!! I did NOT just think that I would... perish the thought!!
My other self laughs. "Come." He takes my hand in both of his and tugs me towards the table. "I want to show you something." I let him lead me to the nearest chair and take the deck of cards he passes me. I look at the back of the cards; black with silver symbols and golden inscriptions. Tarot cards, I believe. "Here, shuffle these," he tells me.
"You look pretty healthy for a part of my mind," I observe.
He arches an elegant eyebrow. "And why would being a part of your mind make me unhealthy? Last time I checked, your sanity was still pretty much intact. You haven't gotten any less anal-retentive, so to speak."
"Doesn't the tumour affect you?" I ask, ignoring the insult and unable to hide my sadness at the thought of said tumour.
"Akira, Akira... You are so bad at these concepts! Allow me to ameliorate your understanding. See, the self is a trinity of the flesh, the soul, and the spirit. The tumour is in your brain; I am in your mind. The brain is physical; the mind is in the soul. The brain allows you to think, but the mind in the soul is your conscious and your will, what causes the usage of the brain to think. Likewise, the physical heart is what pumps blood throughout your body, while the soul-heart is what gives you emotions. Of course, being all interlinked, they affect each other. However, unless some significant change occurs, the circumstances of one part do not directly affect the other two. In other words, the tumour hasn't had a sufficiently significant impact on your brain structure to change the way you think, and thus the way your mind and I work," Arika explains.
I nod. I think I understand.
He flashes me a brilliant smile as he sits down opposite me. I shuffle the cards obediently for about five times before he tells me to stop and relieves me of them. Arika closes his eyes and passes his right hand slowly over the deck before dealing seven cards face up in a curve.
"A horseshoe, Akira, horseshoe," he corrects me impatiently. "This is called the horseshoe spread."
I nod.
"Okay, so what do you know about Tarot cards? It's no fun if I tell you everything."
My first thought: Uh... They're cards?
The other me rolls his eyes.
"Um... Well... They help foretell the future. That is to say, they are a method of divination."
Arika nods and a long silence passes between us. Finally...
"That's it?! That's all you know?!" my reflection screeches incredulously.
I cringe and shrug.
"Ach, whatever. Never mind. You're hopeless." He looks away to the left and I follow his gaze to an hourglass standing on a rather tall plinth. Three quarters of the sand has already passed into the bottom half. "We are running out of time."
"For what?"
"To meet here like this, stupid. You're not in a coma, remember?"
"I am NOT stupid," I respond almost instantly.
"Not my argument," comes the reply as he spins the table around to face me. "Remember these cards. Remember them well. If someone can interpret them for you; that's good. Memorise them as you would a game, in order and whether or not they are reversed. He reads out the names of the cards for me: "The reversed Eight of Cups, The Two of Cups, The Knight of Swords, Death, The Devil, The Seven of Wands, and The World."
I stare at the cards, memorising both the images and the names. Even as I gaze at the seven pictures before me, the world grows hazy and begins to shift. From somewhere far away, I hear Arika telling me again to remember. The last thing I see is the eyes of The Devil staring straight back at me. It is frightening and yet mesmerizing at the same time, and I find myself unable to look away no matter how unnerved I am. I stare those sinister large black orbs until the entire world seems to spin inside and out and everything goes black and then all of a sudden, I am sitting bolt upright, gasping for breath in a hospital ward.
Hikaru
I look up as my boyfriend suddenly sits bolt upright on the hospital bed. For some strange and obscure reason, I'm more angry and annoyed than relieved at the moment.
"Hikaru..." he whispers my name softly.
"Well, look who decided to wake up and spare us all the anxiety," I declare loudly and irritably to the general public, rolling my eyes and knowing full well that I was being a total jerk.
"You make it sound like I wanted this to happen," he snaps back louder.
"I don't know. Maybe you do!" I very nearly shout this time.
"You don't mean that."
"This is –what?– the third time, Touya!!" I know I pressed a button there. I haven't called him by his last name in aeons.
"It's not like I do it on purpose, Shindou you jerk!!" he yells back at twice the volume.
That hurt. A lot. Especially because I knew it was true. "You're the jerk!!" But that didn't mean I was going to let him win the argument.
"No, you are!!"
We're back at a hundred and eighty decibels.
"You!!!"
"No, you!!!"
"This is a hospital; God damn it!!! Will you two just SHUT UP?!!" Yashiro shouts from behind, cutting us off.
We both fall silent, looking away from each other. I acquiesce that my Osaka friend has got a point. I steal a glance at my lover; he looks upset. I sigh softly to myself. I really shouldn't have been such a jerk and said all that. It's not even his fault in the first place. In one swift movement, I have him in my arms and my face buried in his soft hair. I still smell the scent of his cologne. It is faint and yet overwhelming in my heart. I nuzzle silken smoky gray-green strands, tightening my embrace.
"I'm sorry, Aki. It's not your fault, I know," I tell him sadly and quietly.
I feel his arms wrap around me as he leans into the hug. "It's okay. I know you're stressed out."
"Yeah, worrying over someone's sorry ass," I return with a soft chuckle. "Jerk," I add as an afterthought for good measure.
"I love you too," he replies condescendingly, briefly tightening his arms around me. "And trust you to worry about that part of all things, you perv."
"My sweet, sweet jerk, Touya Akira. Don't die," I tell him firmly.
"I don't want to," he whispers back. I grope his ass, grinning mischievously at his gasp. "Super perv," he accuses with a pout.
"And I love you," I respond in the same condescending tone he used on me a few moments ago.
"Hey, guys. If you're done with your little soap opera over there, you might want to shift your attention to the waiting doctor here," Waya's familiar voice cuts in with a snicker from where he is standing with Isumi-san, Yashiro, Tatsura, Ishikawa-san, Aki's parents, and Ogata-sensei.
I turn to give the brown-haired pro a dirty Look before shifting my gaze and attention to the slender blonde neurologist leaning against the door. She offers me a brief smile and a mental nudge before turning to my lover.
"You've been taking your medication properly?"
He nods. "Haven't missed it once."
Dr. Eventine turns to me. /He has?/
/Yeah, I made sure,/ I reply, taking Akira's hand in mine. I caress his soft smooth cool skin absently, still looking at the telepathic doctor intently.
She furrowed her elegant brows, looking puzzled. "Well, unfortunately, I have bad news. Somehow, and I would emphasize on the somehow, seeing as you have been taking the drugs properly, the tumour has grown. The operation has to be done immediately." She looks from Aki to me and back. "The documentation is ready and they'll prepare for surgery the instant I give the go ahead. All I need is you." As if on cue, another doctor comes in holding some documents with a nurse holding a tray with a syringe, a few needles, cotton swabs, and two bottles on it behind her. "This is Dr. Nayama Arashi, our resident anaesthetist and Wang Young-ju, the surgery's head nurse." The two newcomers nod at us politely but remain silent. The doctor has long straight dark hair, half of which is gathered into a clip behind her head, and striking amber eyes while the nurse has shoulder-length curly chestnut hair tied in a ponytail and smiling amethyst eyes. The telepath looks at us expectantly.
Akira and I exchange glances, murky green meeting clear emeralds. I don't think I'll ever see such sparkling green eyes again. I try to tell him that I love him just by my gaze alone and somehow, I think he understands. I see fear in his eyes, just barely concealed beneath that Go-prince-calm he always has around him. I want to comfort him, wipe it away, tell him that I'll protect him and that everything will be alright, but there really isn't anything that I can do except to let him know that I love him with all my heart and pray that he'll make it. I love you, I tell him wordlessly again and I can feel his love for me flowing back, reflected in those perfect emeralds I can't seem to sway my eyes away from.
His grip on my hand tightens and he turns back determinedly to the neurologist. "I'll do it," he declares with a conviction neither one of us feels.
She nods to the two newcomers and the doctor checks the documents. "The surgery will take approximately five hours all in all, then?" the anaesthetist checks with Dr. Eventine, her voice a deep and silken contralto.
The blonde nods, turning to face her colleague. "It must not last longer than that if possible. Complications might turn up." She looks grim.
"You're pretty when you're looking so stressed out like that, you know?"
"Not now, Arashi. I have neither the mood nor the time for your lesbian games. Let's not even bother with the oft-mentioned fact that I'm perfectly straight with a wonderful boyfriend that I'm happy being with; thank you very much. Now, will you please get on with your duties."
Kiss me, the Japanese mouthed to her British colleague.
In your dreams, the blonde mouthed back.
I dream it all the time, came the mouthed reply.
Well, keep dreaming, yuri bitch. And maybe you should switch to dream-gazing as an occupation, seeing as your dreams are obviously much more pleasant than reality, the neurologist retorted silently.
Iria, my love, you're so hot all the time. Dr. Arashi twirls a jet-black lock around her finger and her amber eyes glint in obvious obsession. Suki da yo. (I like that. 1)
I begin to seriously doubt the woman's sanity and whether or not Aki is safe in her hands. I note that the nurse is looking sympathetically at the Englishwoman.
The blonde obviously picked up on that thought, since she sends me a reassuring thought despite never having turned away from her colleague. /Don't worry. Her professionalism and skill at least, I can count on. And since Akira-kun here is a boy, there shouldn't be a problem./
/Why don't you try fixing her mind off you?/ I ask curiously. /Since it bothers you so much.../
/Don't you think I'd have tried? I've already attempted to twist her thoughts away several times. Trust me, she falls right back into this insane obsession she's got for me./ The thought is laced with frustration.
/Well, maybe you girls are meant for each other,/ I offer reasonably.
/Don't be ridiculous. I love my boyfriend; thank you very much. I also happen to be extremely attracted to hot guys in general./
/Oh, well... Just offering a possibility./
She doesn't respond, choosing instead to glare at the other doctor in front of her. "Just do your job, Dr. Nayama," she tells the raven-haired lady firmly before pushing past and leaving the ward.
The anaesthetist sighs. "I always fall for the hard-to-get type." She turns to measure the anaesthetic accordingly.
Meanwhile, Aki looks as if he suddenly remembered something important and beckons to Tatsura. The dark-haired Shougi pro approaches and inclines his head questioningly.
"Tatsura-san, do you know about Tarot cards?" he asks.
Tarot cards? Since when was my lover interested in these weird New Age stuff? I give him a peculiar Look that he conveniently ignores.
"Tarot cards? Of course; I recently started giving readings actually. See? I have my own deck," he replies easily, producing a small black silk bag and taking out a deck of cards from it. The backs of the cards are dark blue in colour with gold and silver stars on them.
"Well, could you tell me the meaning of some of them? I had a dream," my lover requests.
"Sure. Here," Tatsura hands Aki the cards. "Pick them out and we'll see what we can do."
My lover pulls the wheeled table at the foot of the bed closer and proceeds to rifle through the cards. At length, he picks out seven cards and places them in a curve on the table.
Tatsura leans over to have a look. "Ah, so you even know the spread and which ones are reversed. Well, then it shouldn't be a problem. Hm... Let's see... The reversed Eight of Cups... You've been running from your problems, I see. You seem quite the type to be in denial anyway," the Shougi pro. "Hm... So right now you're having a harmonious relationship, huh? I guess that means Hikaru and you... Hidden influences... This would represent someone... It seems to be Hikaru, I think... Impetuous, fast-moving, easily bored, huh? So, your obstacle is Death. Well, that usually means a major change in life, but in your case, I think we can take that literally."
Death? Literally? The cards are predicting that Akira's going to die?
"Attitudes of others... The Devil? Hm... Materialism? No, no... I don't think so. Doesn't look like it at all. Probably means unbreakable bonds, hm? Between you and Hikaru... You and your family... Yeah, that sounds more like it. As for what you should do... Well, basically, this card tells you to stand your ground. Be resolute and firm and don't give an inch, and then you'll triumph over great odds. And from this outcome card, it seems like you're going to make it. The World means that all the battles are over and triumph is yours. Looks like you'll have a happy ending then!" Tatsura finishes cheerfully. "However, four out of the seven cards here are of the Minor Arcana. That means that your destiny is mostly in your own hands and that this prediction is mostly based on what you do. So, I guess, as long as you stay firm and resolute, you'll end up on top," he adds in warning.
Akira and I exchange glances and my lover smiles at me. "Well, looks like I'll have a happy ending," he tells me.
Well, let's hope the predictions are accurate then. "Since when were you into these New Age stuff?" I ask instead, keeping my doubts to myself.
"I'm not."
"Touya Akira's on a New Age fad..." I sing out teasingly.
"Am not," my boyfriend protests, pouting adorably.
"Are to..." I continue in the same sing-song voice. "Let's tell the Weekly Go! It'll be news, man! I mean, listen to this: Go Prince reads Tarot Cards; does he predict his games? Smashing headlines, I'm telling you," I tell Waya, Isumi, and Yashiro, chortling away to myself.
Isumi turns a chuckle into a cough. Waya snickers inconsiderately. Yashiro just looks amused. Aki is glaring daggers at me even as the nurse takes his arm and dabs a wet cotton swab on the front of his elbow. The ebony-haired doctor has finished measuring the anaesthetic and now that Akira has had his future told, she's going to put him to sleep. I watch as Dr. Arashi squirts a little liquid out of the syringe both to test it and to get the air out if there's any in it. Then, she walks over to where the nurse is holding out my boyfriend's arm. Since Aki is quite fair and slender, she has no problems finding a plump vein to inject into and doesn't need a tourniquet. She jabs him and my lover flinches. A moment later it's over and the nurse helps Akira to lie back down.
Dr. Arashi turns to leave but pauses at the door. "Say your last 'I love you's. They'll come for him soon," she tells us before exiting the ward.
I watch as one after another, everyone in the ward goes over and gives my beautiful Aki hugs and kisses. Finally, I approach him last.
"Hey..."
"No," he cuts in. "Let me say it. I'll make it for you, okay?"
I smile at him. "Un. I love you, my sweet anal-retentive jerk." I lean down and press my lips to his, kissing him thoroughly. When we break off, he already looks drowsy from the anaesthetic. "Go to sleep, 'Kira, and when you wake up, everything's going to be wonderful," I tell him.
He looks me in the eye one last time before sliding his eyes shut. "Aa. I love you too, perv."
And then, he's asleep and nurses come in as if on cue to take him to the emergency room. They move him on to the mobile bed they brought along and I follow them as they wheel him there until they go through the double doors and I can't follow any further. I watch as the rest of the people from the ward settle themselves in the chairs outside the emergency room and consider joining them, but then I realize that I'm tired, so tired. No, sod that; I'm exhausted. I ignore everyone's questioning looks and make my way back to Aki's ward. Letting myself in, I survey the now vacant bed. Well, since it's vacant now... I walk over and flop back gracelessly on to it and curl up under the sheets. There's a slightly sick medical smell to it but the familiar scent of musky lavender covers much of that. I slide my eyes shut as I feel sleep beckon and allow the scent of my lover's cologne to rock me into peaceful slumber.
Akira
If there was a way to tell you how I feelwithout saying a word
Would you know it's real?
When the sun is shining bright
but I can't see the light
Your hand will guide my way
and help me step forward.
Mm... The smell of spring grass... I open my eyes... White clouds, blue sky, soft breeze... It's a clear day. Where am I? I sit up and look around. I'm on a hill; it's green, the most perfect carpet of grass covers it. It seems like the best day in spring today and I seem to have slept it away. To my right, this hill descends into a meadow carpeted with the same green grass and dotted with lovely yellow flowers. To my left, it descends into a river with waters as sparkling and clear as the finest crystal. Across the river, there is a serene-looking forest; the tree-leaves are all bright green and there are none on the ground. It's definitely the best day in spring.
I stand slowly and make my way towards the meadow. It appears to be nearer than it first seemed; it only takes a few steps for me to find myself surrounded by hundreds of yellow flowers. I kneel and finger a buttercup gently with my thumb. The breeze is sweet with the scent of flowers, fresh, and cool as it blows past and I try to remember the last time I have felt such a pleasant breeze... only to find that I can't remember anything. For some strange reason, however, the realization that I have lost my memory seems neither peculiar nor disturbing in the least.
I'm walking through the snow
Chasing a butterfly
And I don't really know
why I want to cry
Perhaps you can tell me why
Suddenly, I notice a black, yellow, and green butterfly resting on a sunflower nearby. I blink, and then the pretty insect takes flight. It flies past me and for some obscure reason I feel that I should chase it... like there's something important about it that I just can't seem grasp at the moment. I rise and tear after it as fast as I can as it flies in the direction of the river. I run as fast as I can, but somehow it seems to almost be taunting me by flying just out of my reach but never more than a few inches away from the fingertips of my outstretched hand. I am almost at the edge of the water when I catch sight of something that makes me stop short.
I'm walking through the looking glass
Wondering where I should really be
Funny how we don't see
what's clearer than the sea
Through the looking glass
Reflected back at me
I know you are the better part of me.
Reflected in the looking glass
are the things I should have known
Funny how obvious
things become when they are shown
Through the looking glass
are signs I should have seen
I want to go back to how we've always been.
There is someone standing on the opposite bank. He –at least I think it's a 'he'– is dressed in a long white robe with purple trimmings, something from the time of the Heian Dynasty, I believe. Somehow, that strikes a chord in me even if I have absolutely no idea why. His long purple hair billows in the wind and the soft sweet scent of wisteria permeates the air. He is a holding a fan that seems strangely familiar to me although nothing in particular seems to be coming to mind.
Time seems to stand still as I find myself staring transfixed at him. He is smiling gently, lips covered with purple lipstick and face almost feminine in appearance. Even as I look at him, he shakes his head slowly. I wonder what he means; a shake of the head can have many meanings, especially if you happen to be standing at a riverbank doing... well, nothing else. Puzzling. I take a step back; perhaps he means that I shouldn't cross the river. The smile widens and he nods encouragingly. I guess that means that I was right in my assumption. I step back further and watch as he mouths some words to me.
It has yet to be your time. Strange... I can almost hear his soft voice in my head as clearly as if he really was speaking in my mind.
All of a sudden, his face contorts in the perfect image of horror and I realize why an instant later. The whole ground seems to give way beneath me and I scream for help as I begin to fall towards the river, the water of which has suddenly blackened, but I can't seem to hear my own voice. He looks pale and terribly sad as he begins to fade and the forest on the other bank suddenly turns dark and even as I watch, the beautiful green trees gnarl up, shrivel, blacken, and die before my very eyes. I turn and quickly grab on to something, anything. The landscape has abruptly turned into a cliff overlooking a black river and a now desolate bank on the other side. I know I'm going to fall. I just know it.
"SOMEBODY!! HELP!! DAREKA!! TASUKETE!!!" I scream as loudly as I can, but all I hear is silence.
(Narration)
Meanwhile, in the emergency room...
"Dr. Eventine!!"
The blonde neurologist looked up from where she had been carefully removing a mass of tissue from her patient's brain at the sound of the surgery's head nurse's voice. The beautiful boy's heart rate was steadily dropping.
"Shit," she cursed softly. Only two and a half hours had passed. She had just begun to remove the tumour and already there were complications. "Do it," she told the nurses, moving the tools away. She didn't want anything to accidentally damage any normal brain tissue; a few cells' death could cause much more damage than there already was. The hospital's blood bank thankfully had plenty of his type. The blood was steadily being siphoned into his bloodstream to compensate for the loss of blood the operation was causing.
The nurses immediately prepared to attempt jumpstarting his heart. Meanwhile, Iria Eventine reached to find a familiar mind. She found Shindou Hikaru sleeping in his lover's hospital bed and immediately pulled his mind and her patient, Touya Akira's, together. She secured the link firmly, let go, and prayed to God for the first time in aeons.
/Please help me save him, Lord, please.../ She thought it really ought to make God sit up and listen for once. The one time she decided to turn to divine help and she wasn't even doing it for herself. Heh, it was almost amusing.
The nurses made their first attempt at getting a heartbeat. A response, and then zero again.
The telepath smiled wanly. /Looks like we're counting on you then, Shindou-kun./
Second attempt, and the red numbers still stubbornly refused to change. Iria Eventine simply slid her eyes shut.
Hikaru
I say what's in my heart
I thought that's always true
But when it comes to you
I think I lied right from the start
Far, far up ahead
I see the stones you paved for me
I don't know where I'd be
without the things you said.
Grass. I'm lying face down in the grass. Why am I lying face down in the grass? Wait... Since when were hospital beds covered in grass? That was most definitely where I fell asleep. I pick myself up and dust myself off. I'm still wearing the same thing that's for sure. Well, at least I didn't bring the coat with me to this sunny place wherever it is. I'm dreaming; I just know I am, like the time I saw Sai. I look around. It is quite a beautiful place. I have been lying on a meadow covered with fresh green grass and dotted with all manner of yellow flowers. How beautiful... the breeze blows past me, smelling of dew and flowers. I wish Akira was here to see this with me.
"AAARRRHHHH!!!!" a blood-curdling scream of terror jars me from the serenity of my surroundings. I look up. Was that...?
"SOMEBODY!! HELP!! DAREKA!! TASUKETE!!!"
Akira. The owner of the screaming voice hits me with the force of a tsunami. Aki is in trouble. I immediately run towards the source of the sound. It seems to be coming from over the hill. I tear over the hill as fast as I can and arrive at a riverbank. The water is black and across the river, the forest is dead, dark, gnarled, and desolate.
"AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!" the scream comes again, echoing faintly.
I look around and find that the riverbank rises up to my left to become a cliff. That's it! A cliff! That's why his voice is echoing! I sprint up the rise as swiftly as my legs will carry me. Somehow, I feel like I'll never reach the top, but Aki... He needs me; I know it. Even if it's a dream, what happens here will somehow be important and I know it. With that conviction, I race up the rise and upon reaching the top, run to the edge of the cliff and look down.
"Akira!!"
Akira
I see us side by side
But that's the stuff of dreams
I know deep down inside
though my dreams abide
The truth's not what it seems.
"Akira!!"
I look up. Akira... is that me? The person that meets my gaze seems important and familiar although I have absolutely no idea why. Black hair with a bleached-blonde fringe. Murky green eyes with a breathtaking intensity. Someone...
He reaches out to me. "Aki, take my hand!!" he shouts. "Hurry!! It won't hold for much longer!!" I realize he is referring to the chunk of outcropping I am holding on to. Even as I look at it, it loosens slightly. I almost reach for his hand, but hesitate. I look up at him again. "'Kira..." he says softly, voice thick with emotion. Murky green orbs gaze back at me.
Love.
Trust.
Eternity.
Hikaru.
Hikaru.
That's all I need.
I reach up and grab my lover's hand even as all the memories come rushing back all of a sudden. A glance downward and I regret it immediately as giddiness overtakes me at the sheer distance I could have had to fall. The outcropping falls below me as Hikaru pulls me up and drags me into a leg-breaking sprint. We run like the wind down the incline of the cliff. Behind us the cliff begins to collapse; the rumbling of rocks seems to always be at our heels no matter how fast we run and I just don't want to look back. I can almost feel the land giving way beneath my feet sometimes and the sick sense of déjà vu that accompanies it is nothing short of unpleasant.
I absently wonder how Hikaru came to be here, but find that line of thought cut short rather abruptly as the river's black waters suddenly rise to flood the land. I allow myself to be dragged by my lover as he veers sharply to the right and I find myself running up the hill I woke up on after him. The next thing I know, we're deep in the meadow and the feeling of danger is gone as swiftly as it came. Hikaru stops short unexpectedly and I bump hard into him, knocking the breath out of both our lungs as we both fall and go rolling over hundreds of yellow flowers. The next instant, I find myself in his arms and we eventually roll to a stop, panting heavily.
I see you in the looking glass
Your sweet eyes gazing back at me
Funny how I never saw
things that I was meant to see
Through the looking glass
My favourite fantasy
The days I saw when you were here with me.
Still staring at the looking glass
'cause I Can't seem to sway my eyes
Funny how tears surface
when we say our goodbyes
Through the looking glass
It's there for all to see
The sparkle in my eyes when you smile at me.
"'Kira..." he whispers breathlessly.
"How did you get here?" I ask my lover curiously as we both try to catch our breath.
"I don't know. I just woke up here, sort of."
"Same way I did, then."
I know what the mirror knows
With black there must be white
No matter how tomorrow goes
I know we're meant to be
There's only you and me tonight
So swear right now to me
You'll be wherever I will be.
"Aa. You know?"
"Hm?"
"There's no world without you."
I smile as he turns to look at me. "I know. There's no world without you either."
He smiles back at me. "Let's go home, Aki."
I give him a questioning look. "Huh?"
He turns and points at a nearby cottage that must have just appeared out of the blue since I didn't notice it before. It has white brick walls, a small red brick chimney, and what appears to be a straw roof. There is also a small oak door with small square windows are on either side of it. The cottage looks warm and cosy and welcoming. "Let's go home," he repeats.
I nod. "Un." We stand together and walk towards the cottage hand in hand. He leads me through the door and the floor just seems to give way an instant before... darkness.
(Narration)
Iria Eventine felt the mental buzz an instant before the numbers on the monitor began to steadily rise in value after the nurses' fourth attempt at getting a pulse. She smiled and prepared to return to work. Apparently, love did change everything and God did listen when one prayed. Heh, there went her excuse for being a cynic. Well, whatever will be will be or 'que sera sera' as the Italians say. That was one more life saved today. Of course, there was nothing to say that her patient wouldn't die after the operation, but that was another thing altogether, another day altogether. She'd consider that later.
/Well, looks like Shinigami will have to be a tad more patient with you then,/ she thought as she resumed removing the rest of tumour's tissue.
Hikaru
I can't find the looking glass
showing the things I want to see
Funny how things are missed
when they can no longer be
Through the looking glass
Just one instant of bliss
I only want you here again with me.
Two weeks. That's how long it has been since the surgery. Akira has just been moved out of the ICU and is back in the ward he had before the operation. I listen absently as the doctor prattles on about his progress, my eyes never leaving his still form; no progress is progress if he isn't waking up right now.
/What a pessimist... If you don't want to listen, the others do. And I DON'T prattle,/ a familiar voice speaks into my head.
I look up at the blonde neurologist. She looks rather annoyed.
/Damn straight, I am./
It still slips my mind sometimes that she can hear what I'm thinking.
/Well, you'd better keep that in mind then,/ she tells me with a pointed look. Then, the look softens slightly. "He'll wake up soon. I'm sure he misses all of you. His body just needs time to heal, you know?" she says aloud for everyone's benefit.
I nod without checking for the others' responses. They don't matter; nothing matters if he doesn't wake up. Dr. Eventine leaves the ward and I continue to stare at him. The horrid bandages are still in place. They had to shave off his beautiful hair to perform the surgery. I absently wonder if he'll put himself on self-imposed curfew again upon waking up to find himself bald. I almost chuckle at the thought, then slide my eyes shut. I still see all those times we spent together.
Playing Go at his father's salon for the first time back when Sai was still here.
Our second game and his despair.
Playing at the junior high inter-school tournament at Kaiou and his disappointment.
His absence at what should have been our first game as two professionals.
Him asking why I stopped playing after Sai left.
Our game at the Meijin preliminaries.
All our Dan games together at the Go Institute.
Both of us with Yashiro at the first Hokuto Cup Tournament.
Japan's loss to both China and Korea and his comforting presence.
The accident and the amnesia.
Shopping... Ryuuichi's kiss and him blushing madly.
The concert, the J-rocker outfit, the circus, the sex paraphernalia shop.
The visit to Kaiou and him regaining his memories.
The self-imposed curfew.
The night we found out about the tumour and the beginning of our relationship.
The train and the ship.
The second Hokuto Cup and our first time.
The taste of his mouth, his skin, a taste that is his alone...
Fixing the broken looking glass
To see again my dreams
Funny how the heart is sad
When life should make it glad
Through the looking glass
Where nothing's what it seems
I still see all the things that we once had.
"We're here, Aunt Kasumi!" I am startled out of my reverie by the sound of a familiar voice, thick with Osaka accent, and immediately open my eyes and sit up.
"Yashiro!"
My friend comes in, smiling. I return the smile wanly as the High Priestess of Inari enters the ward after her nephew and Tatsura walks in two steps behind her. Maybe she has several sets of the same clothing, since I don't see anything different about her. The aura around her is as strong as ever and her regal bearing still commands respect from those around her.
"Kasumi-sama," I acknowledge at almost the same time the others do, all of us lowering our heads.
"The blessings of my mistress be upon all who worship," she replies, her voice seeming to hang in the air as always.
All eyes are on her as she comes to my lover's bedside and gazes down at his still form. Suddenly, she tilts her head slightly as if listening to something. A moment later, she turns to the door expectantly. I wonder why an instant before the door opens to reveal the answer. Iria Eventine enters, bows her head slightly, and holds out a pack of clear liquid with a questioning look. They appear to have a silent conversation for a few minutes before the blonde walks around the bed to put the pack on the IV drip.
"You'd better be sure about this," she tells the priestess pointedly. "If it isn't used up quickly, the sudden addition of glucose into the bloodstream will alter the osmotic pressure and cause the crenation of his red blood cells."
The other lady merely inclines her head in reply; perhaps she said something telepathically.
The neurologist finishes the task at hand and stands back. "Your call," she pronounces at length.
High Priestess Toukou Kasumi simply smiles and places her left hand on my lover's forehead and her right over his heart. "Oh, Lady Inari, my mistress, great Goddess of Life, I call upon your Life, Power, and Grace. Heal your child, great Lady," she prays softly. As if on cue, her hands begin to glow with a soft white light. The light increases in intensity and slowly envelopes my beautiful Aki. I stare, awestruck, in utter amazement at her. Then, the light fades and she lifts her hands from him. She nods and Dr. Eventine quickly removes the IV tube on Akira.
"You can remove the bandages too. They are no longer necessary," the priestess tells the telepath aloud. I notice just the slightest signs of strain near her eyes. I blink and they are gone. Perhaps I was dreaming; she seems just fine now.
The blonde nods and begins removing said bandages. I notice the flicker of motion and pinch myself to convince myself that I am not dreaming an instant before immediately moving towards my beloved Aki in one fluid motion even as everyone else notes the stir. Closed lids flutter open and a much-missed emerald-green gaze meets my own seconds before I have him in my arms with my face buried in his pillow. I feel the absence of his hair so strongly, but no matter, he can grow it back.
/Or wear a wig. I know some really good places for things like that. You can even get the same shade he had,/ a mischievous voice teases lightly in my head.
I ignore that and am answered by a cheerful mental laugh.
"You saved me," a loved and familiar voice whispers next to my ear.
I really don't care who saved who. Today has got to be the best day of my life.
Akira
"I look horrible," I tell my lover. We are both standing before the mirror in my room staring critically at my reflection in it a week after I woke up in the hospital ward. We're going for this little party our friends are holding in memory of my recovery and I really do look awful without my hair.
"Oh, stop being a prick, 'Kira! You sound like a girl now!!" Hikaru admonishes in exasperation. "Just keep it on and let's go!!"
Before I can look in the mirror and adjust the cap one more time, my boyfriend is already dragging me out of the room, down the stairs, and out my front door with little more than a passing 'itte kimasu' to my parents en route. He continues to drag me out the gate and onto the road before I finally decide that I can walk perfectly fine by myself, thank you very much, dig my heels in to stop stock still, and proceed to tell him that very literally.
"I can walk perfectly fine by myself, thank you very much and absolutely no thanks at all really."
"Right," he drawls with a snicker. "Like you were going to stop fussing about your appearance like a whiny sissy if I didn't drag you away from that mirror."
"I did not sound WHINY and I am not a SISSY!!"
"Yes, you did," he argues pointedly.
"Did not!!"
"Did to!!"
"DID NOT!!"
"DID TO!!"
"BAKA!!"
"VAIN!!"
Here we go again, even as we make our way to Waya's apartment.
"JERK!!"
"SISSY!!"
"I AM NOT A SISSY!!"
A hundred and eighty decibels...
"YES, YOU ARE!!!"
"AM NOT!"
"ARE TO!!"
"AM NOT!!!"
"ANAL-RETENTIVE!!"
"BASTARD!"
This argument is pointless, pointless, pointless... But that doesn't mean I'm going to let him win it.
"STUPID!!"
"I AM NOT STUPID!!" I shout back before I can even think, let alone help myself.
"YES, YOU ARE!!"
"NO, I'M NOT!!"
Everyone is staring at us as we walk into the austere apartment building and begin climbing up the stairs as the argument once again deteriorates into a childish 'yes-no' quarrel.
"ARE TO!!"
"AM NOT!!"
"ARE TO!!!"
"AM NOT!!!"
We might actually have hit two hundred decibels this time; I don't know.
"YES!!!"
"NO!!!"
"YES!!!"
"NO!!!"
"WILL THE TWO OF YOU JUST SHUT UP??!!!" two voices shout down the corridor at us in unison.
Both Hikaru and I look up at precisely the same time with sheepish looks on our faces to face a very annoyed Yashiro and a glowering Waya, both leaning out the door of Waya's apartment. We quickly and silently enter the apartment unit with the two very miffed boys behind us.
"I don't know where you two live, but I have neighbours, you know," Waya declares irritably.
Well, yeah, I don't blame him, considering the din we were making out there, but it's all Hikaru's fault...
"IT IS NOT MY FAULT, 'KIRA! IT'S YOURS!" my lover snaps at me.
I blink. I am pretty sure I did not say that out loud... and judging by the confounded looks on everyone else's faces, I'm pretty sure they didn't hear it either, but... "YES, Hikaru, IT IS YOUR FAULT! YOU STARTED IT!!" That doesn't mean that I'm going to take it lying down.
"NO, YOU DID!!"
"NO, YOU!!"
"YOU!!"
"YOU!!"
"YOU!!!"
"For the last time, SHUT UP, GODDAMMIT!!!" Yashiro yells at us in exasperation. "You two sound like you're married already!!!"
I blink. Gee, that brings back memories.
"No, we sound like we're parents," Hikaru corrects him smoothly.
That's when I burst out laughing hysterically. The peculiar looks on their faces only make the whole situation that much more hilarious as I realize absently that most of them have probably never heard me laugh before, let alone hysterically. That probably just put their view of Touya Akira in a whole new perspective.
"I'd like to know the difference?" It's Isumi's turn to ask.
My boyfriend stifles a chuckle and smirks as he explains for the second time thus far. "Married couples only argue about each other. Parents," he said slowly, as if everyone was really that slow. "argue about everything," he finishes smugly.
Everybody decides the better of commenting and I decide that I should know something. "Is everyone here?" I question, scanning the room and finding only Waya, Isumi, Yashiro, and Tatsura besides Hikaru and I.
"Well, I tried to invite Ochi, but well... he said he had an earlier engagement," Isumi informs me.
"Heh, I'm sure he just didn't want to come here and loosen up and have fun. He struck me as to being utterly anal-retentive. I mean, I don't know, Touya, but if you have a tree up your ass, then I'm rather inclined to think he's got a whole damn forest up his," Yashiro comments offhandedly.
Everyone blinks for a moment and then we all start snickering.
"Yeah, but I don't think that's the real reason Ochi declined to come," Waya inputs with a smirk. "He's obviously got the hots for Touya, here," he continues, indicating me with histrionic drama.
"He does not," I protest.
"Yes, he does. You have no idea how he looks at you, man!"
"I... He..." I start.
"Well, that is kind of true... I have seen the way he looks at you, 'Kira; like... like... like he wants to swallow you whole and keep you all to himself or something!!" my boyfriend-rival chips in unhelpfully.
Everyone laughs and I jab Hikaru in the ribs irritably. "Hikaru! Whose side are you on?" I whine. Freeze-frame. The laughter stops. Everything stops. They probably never thought I was capable of whining either.
"Japan's, 'Kira, Japan's," he mimics back perfectly.
I whack him half-heartedly on the shoulder with a pillow for it.
"Pillow fight!!" someone yells in the background and the small gathering rapidly descends into insanity and something close to pandemonium.
"That really was you back then, wasn't it?" I ask, lying beside Hikaru later that night in his room. The stars are beautiful jewels high up in the clear night sky that can be seen out of the window beside the bed.
"Hm?" he responds absently.
"The dream, or whatever it was," I clarify.
His eyes light up in sudden understanding. "Aa."
"You saved me," I state, a grateful lilt to my voice to indicate that the statement was meant as a 'thank you'.
He simply tightens the arm around my waist and remains silent, gazing out the window at the off-white half-moon hanging in the sky.
"I met someone else in there though," I continue.
This rouses his interest. He shifts his attention to me and gives me a curious look. "Who?"
"I don't know. He had long purple hair... The scent of wisteria hung in the air..." His eyes widen. "Heian Dynasty's robes... Purple lipstick..." The recognition that suddenly lights his eyes is surprised and yet nostalgic all at once.
"I see you met Sai," he tells me with a wistful smile.
"That was Sai?"
"Aa. What did he say? What did he do?" There is a kind of intensity in his eyes... A need to know, to hear something, anything important. I'm almost jealous.
"Nothing. He didn't say anything. He just tried to help me. I was chasing a butterfly and running towards the river. He was on the other side and he told me not to get into the river."
"I thought you said he didn't say anything."
"He didn't. He just shook his head slowly and I just somehow understood. After that, I heard this voice in my head... I don't know if it was him or not, but it said that it wasn't my time yet."
"And then?"
"And then the river bank somehow became a cliff and you came in."
"Ah..." He looks somewhat disappointed. A long silence stretches between us before he finally continues. "I wished he had said something... anything that might have meant that he was happy wherever he was."
"Aa." I hesitate. "But there's nothing you can do about that."
"No, there isn't," he agrees, looking out at the stars once more. A thoughtful pause and then his attention is once again on me. "So I guess I should work on the things I can do something about," he concludes, reaching out to caress my cheek gently.
"Aa." I smile. "You know, what you said in the dream?"
"Hm?"
"Tada ima." I'm home, Hikaru.
"Okaeri nasai." We both are.
I snuggle closer to him and he tightens his embrace around me, both of us feeling complete in each other's company, in the love we somehow managed to find through the countless battles amidst the nine stars. Yes, I'm home at last. The only home there ever will be for me is beside you. My rival, my love, my Hand of God... Shindou Hikaru, that's who you will always be for me.
Through the looking glass
Reflected back at me
I know you are the better part of me.
Owari
A/N: Sorry for the long wait and sorry if the story seems a little rushed. I've just been really busy lately and I'd like to impress once more it upon those that thought I was abandoning this story: I don't abandon stories. My muses just run away sometimes. I only scrap stories when I think they really suck. I usually finish the ones I like enough to publish. Anyway, I hope I have succeeded in bringing this fic to a satisfying conclusion. I'd also like to thank all my reviewers and readers for all the wonderful comments and just for reading my humble work... You guys make all the bad grades, hard work, and all-nighters worth it!! To more fanfics and time to write them!! To good reviews, constructive criticism, and wonderful, WONDERFUL reviewers!! Kanpai!! Cheers!! Yeah, way to go guys and hope you all enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'd make a list of all my reviewers, but I really should get down to studying... my grades are going down the drain (I wonder if they have reached the sewage processing plant yet). Just for the benefit of being an obsessed fan girl of Fuji Syuusuke from Prince of Tennis, I've just got to do this: FUJIKO-CHAN!!! heartheartsparkles Fuji... Yeah, so that's done it. I hope you will continue to read my fics and enjoy them. I'll probably get down to finishing Akirella in December and hopefully recall the plot I had in mind for Itami No Melody so that I can finally make progress with it. Three cheers for a good ending to a good thing and please wish me the best of luck in my exams... I definitely need as much as I can get my hands on!! Thank you all again and see you in the next fic!!