Disclaimer: (For the whole story) I do not own Dynasty Warriors or Romance of the Three Kingdoms in any way. If I did I wouldn't be writing this and would probably be off somewhere with an imaginary Zhao Yun... *cough* Warning: I like torturing my favorite characters... so... yeah, that says basically all of it... so, moving on...
Also, thanks to Kimiko Hiraki, the faithful Beta-Reader.
Note: The user Animatized is a writing duo between me, Natsue Arishima, and Kimiko Hiraki. However, Kimi won't be participating much in this... *sniff* I know, it's sad... *cough* Anyhoo, moving on...
Forbidden Dreams
By Natsue Arishima
Chapter One: Alone
Zhao Yun stood alone outside the gates of Cheng Du. It was so quiet here compared to the noises inside, and he had to admit that he liked the change.
The candlelight from the city washed over him, a flickering, dancing ray of light. Laughter could be heard from inside the gates as the people of Shu celebrated the success of Tian Shui.
He turned his back towards the city and started walking quietly away.
Alone. That was how he was these past few days. The emptiness was easy to accept, swallowing him up in faint depression.
Wandering farther away from the Shu capital, the Tiger General turned towards the sunset. The colors were exquisite, from swirling scarlet patterns to the darkest shades of purple. They blended in so well with each other, creating such a soft feeling of peace.
Missing the usual comfort of his deadly Fierce Dragon, he closed his eyes as a soft breeze swept over him, velvety and caressing. His bangs lifted from his face, flowing gently with the air. The jet black hair, usually so tight in his low ponytail, became undone and swirled softly around his shoulders.
He wasn't wearing his usual armor, and he felt light, though slightly insecure. His simple, white, sleeveless shirt flapped in the increasing wind, and it was extremely comfortable compared to his battle garb.
Opening his eyes, he once again looked towards the setting sun. How wonderful it would feel to be free, to never worry or fear.
Zhao Yun looked down at his grass green pants. He knew he ought to feel happy, especially after today, but he didn't know if he had ever felt so downhearted as he felt now.
He hadn't really done anything at Tian Shui. His orders had been to wait quietly by Zhuge Liang's side and to protect him while confronting Jiang Wei. Indeed, the young genius had lunged at the Little Dragon several times before finally calming down enough to listen to what Zhuge Liang had to say.
No. The thing that had made him so downcast was a totally different matter.
And yet it shamed him to think that he wanted it so badly.
But the truth was that he wanted to love.
He wanted to have the permission to think of someone so much that he would happily die for that special someone.
He wanted to be able to feel the breath of his lover on his face everyday.
He wanted to hold and be held.
And most of all, he never wanted to be alone again.
For many years, he had lived and had been afraid that he would grow up alone. He had been with several beautiful women in the past, and yet had to admit that there had never been a spark.
Was there no one in the world for him?
The sun completely disappeared behind the distant hills. Sighing, he headed back towards the bright city.
The light was strangely blinding compared to his dark walk, and he squinted as he headed inside.
The hall was blaring with talk. Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei were discussing the previous battle with murmurs and satisfied nods. Zhang Fei kept on getting refills of wine.
Ma Chao was nowhere in sight. Huang Zhong was laughing silently at something Wei Yan had just said, and Zhuge Liang, Yue Ying and Pang Tong were talking cheerfully. Many of the surviving soldiers and sub-officers were laughing, some muttering amongst themselves.
Zhao Yun headed over to Zhuge Liang, accepting some food on the way. He suddenly noticed that Jiang Wei was gone too.
Strange. It surprised him that Zhuge Liang wasn't busy talking to his newest pupil.
Looking around the hall, he spotted the young genius sitting alone at the far end of a table, deeply absorbed in his writing. His back was facing him, but his long, dark hair glinted faintly in the light. The Shu officer could have recognized him anywhere.
The Little Dragon stared at him for a long time, debating with himself, and then started over towards him.
Jiang Wei jumped slightly as Zhao Yun tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around, a steady blush rising in his cheeks, and stared blankly at Zhao Yun for a few seconds before realizing who he was.
"Zhao Yun?"
The Tiger General nodded back, smiling. Jiang Wei hadn't seen him with his hair down before.
"Forgive me. I could not tell..." Jiang Wei looked abashed.
"There's no need to apologize." He stared at the other's young face, which once again looked faintly happy.
"What're you writing?" Zhao Yun asked after a moment of silence.
"Oh... Just a poem that I started back in Tian Shui."
He looked towards the parchment. "Perhaps I could read it?"
Jiang Wei smiled sheepishly. "I-it's not finished."
Zhao Yun raised an amused eyebrow. "Maybe later then."
Jiang Wei nodded, his eyes darting back towards the parchment.
He felt eyes on his back and tried not to squirm. Only after Zhao Yun stood up and left did he dare look up towards the handsome general. Though he had just met him, the young strategist could tell that something was bothering him.
Zhao Yun nodded to Liu Bei respectfully. The leader of Shu looked at him, smiling, before beckoning him towards him.
The general obliged, walking in front of Liu Bei. "Yes, my Lord?" he asked, his eyes widening to show his attention.
"Zhuge Liang told me about your appearance today. I want to thank you for your work." The Lord looked back up towards Zhao Yun and handing him a cup of wine.
He took it, and after raising it to his Lord and the two stronger Tiger Generals, drank deeply.
Guan Yu looked on, stroking his beard. "You have improved greatly." Zhang Fei nodded, swaying slightly and now a rich shade of red.
Zhao Yun waved his hand carelessly. "I was only following orders."
Liu Bei nodded once more before turning back to his conversation. Zhang Fei switched his attention to his cup, listening to Liu Bei, but Guan Yu examined Zhao Yun for a few seconds before also twisting to the table, his smile hidden under his long beard.
Turning around, Zhao Yun suddenly saw a young girl sitting near Jiang Wei. She had short, brown hair and dark eyes, and seemed overly sweet. The young strategist was blushing faintly and dropped his quill as the girl reached across the table to hold his hand.
Zhao Yun felt a boiling emotion erupt in his chest. Confused, he shook his head, leaving the brightly-lit hall.
Heading towards his room, Zhao Yun sighed quietly in relief. He opened the door to his unlit room, watching the moonlight pour in through his window. Walking forward, he stood quietly in the moon's glow.
Why was he suddenly full of jealousy? He didn't like Jiang Wei... of course not.
He wasn't gay, dammit.
He laid down on his bed, his dark hair making a criss-cross pattern on his pillow. Staring up towards the ceiling, he knew that he was lying to himself. He had been interested in Jiang Wei ever since he had met him.
But it couldn't be serious, could it? he thought emotionlessly.
His mind replayed the boiling anger inside his chest. Slowly, he came to the discouraging truth.
He did care for Jiang Wei.
But what saddened him the most was that Jiang Wei could never be his, no matter how hard he tried.
**********
A/N: This being my first yaoi/shonen ai/slash story (alone anyway), I'm not really the best at these things. Constructive criticism is welcome! Please R&R!
--Natsue Arishima
Also, thanks to Kimiko Hiraki, the faithful Beta-Reader.
Note: The user Animatized is a writing duo between me, Natsue Arishima, and Kimiko Hiraki. However, Kimi won't be participating much in this... *sniff* I know, it's sad... *cough* Anyhoo, moving on...
Forbidden Dreams
By Natsue Arishima
Chapter One: Alone
Zhao Yun stood alone outside the gates of Cheng Du. It was so quiet here compared to the noises inside, and he had to admit that he liked the change.
The candlelight from the city washed over him, a flickering, dancing ray of light. Laughter could be heard from inside the gates as the people of Shu celebrated the success of Tian Shui.
He turned his back towards the city and started walking quietly away.
Alone. That was how he was these past few days. The emptiness was easy to accept, swallowing him up in faint depression.
Wandering farther away from the Shu capital, the Tiger General turned towards the sunset. The colors were exquisite, from swirling scarlet patterns to the darkest shades of purple. They blended in so well with each other, creating such a soft feeling of peace.
Missing the usual comfort of his deadly Fierce Dragon, he closed his eyes as a soft breeze swept over him, velvety and caressing. His bangs lifted from his face, flowing gently with the air. The jet black hair, usually so tight in his low ponytail, became undone and swirled softly around his shoulders.
He wasn't wearing his usual armor, and he felt light, though slightly insecure. His simple, white, sleeveless shirt flapped in the increasing wind, and it was extremely comfortable compared to his battle garb.
Opening his eyes, he once again looked towards the setting sun. How wonderful it would feel to be free, to never worry or fear.
Zhao Yun looked down at his grass green pants. He knew he ought to feel happy, especially after today, but he didn't know if he had ever felt so downhearted as he felt now.
He hadn't really done anything at Tian Shui. His orders had been to wait quietly by Zhuge Liang's side and to protect him while confronting Jiang Wei. Indeed, the young genius had lunged at the Little Dragon several times before finally calming down enough to listen to what Zhuge Liang had to say.
No. The thing that had made him so downcast was a totally different matter.
And yet it shamed him to think that he wanted it so badly.
But the truth was that he wanted to love.
He wanted to have the permission to think of someone so much that he would happily die for that special someone.
He wanted to be able to feel the breath of his lover on his face everyday.
He wanted to hold and be held.
And most of all, he never wanted to be alone again.
For many years, he had lived and had been afraid that he would grow up alone. He had been with several beautiful women in the past, and yet had to admit that there had never been a spark.
Was there no one in the world for him?
The sun completely disappeared behind the distant hills. Sighing, he headed back towards the bright city.
The light was strangely blinding compared to his dark walk, and he squinted as he headed inside.
The hall was blaring with talk. Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei were discussing the previous battle with murmurs and satisfied nods. Zhang Fei kept on getting refills of wine.
Ma Chao was nowhere in sight. Huang Zhong was laughing silently at something Wei Yan had just said, and Zhuge Liang, Yue Ying and Pang Tong were talking cheerfully. Many of the surviving soldiers and sub-officers were laughing, some muttering amongst themselves.
Zhao Yun headed over to Zhuge Liang, accepting some food on the way. He suddenly noticed that Jiang Wei was gone too.
Strange. It surprised him that Zhuge Liang wasn't busy talking to his newest pupil.
Looking around the hall, he spotted the young genius sitting alone at the far end of a table, deeply absorbed in his writing. His back was facing him, but his long, dark hair glinted faintly in the light. The Shu officer could have recognized him anywhere.
The Little Dragon stared at him for a long time, debating with himself, and then started over towards him.
Jiang Wei jumped slightly as Zhao Yun tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around, a steady blush rising in his cheeks, and stared blankly at Zhao Yun for a few seconds before realizing who he was.
"Zhao Yun?"
The Tiger General nodded back, smiling. Jiang Wei hadn't seen him with his hair down before.
"Forgive me. I could not tell..." Jiang Wei looked abashed.
"There's no need to apologize." He stared at the other's young face, which once again looked faintly happy.
"What're you writing?" Zhao Yun asked after a moment of silence.
"Oh... Just a poem that I started back in Tian Shui."
He looked towards the parchment. "Perhaps I could read it?"
Jiang Wei smiled sheepishly. "I-it's not finished."
Zhao Yun raised an amused eyebrow. "Maybe later then."
Jiang Wei nodded, his eyes darting back towards the parchment.
He felt eyes on his back and tried not to squirm. Only after Zhao Yun stood up and left did he dare look up towards the handsome general. Though he had just met him, the young strategist could tell that something was bothering him.
Zhao Yun nodded to Liu Bei respectfully. The leader of Shu looked at him, smiling, before beckoning him towards him.
The general obliged, walking in front of Liu Bei. "Yes, my Lord?" he asked, his eyes widening to show his attention.
"Zhuge Liang told me about your appearance today. I want to thank you for your work." The Lord looked back up towards Zhao Yun and handing him a cup of wine.
He took it, and after raising it to his Lord and the two stronger Tiger Generals, drank deeply.
Guan Yu looked on, stroking his beard. "You have improved greatly." Zhang Fei nodded, swaying slightly and now a rich shade of red.
Zhao Yun waved his hand carelessly. "I was only following orders."
Liu Bei nodded once more before turning back to his conversation. Zhang Fei switched his attention to his cup, listening to Liu Bei, but Guan Yu examined Zhao Yun for a few seconds before also twisting to the table, his smile hidden under his long beard.
Turning around, Zhao Yun suddenly saw a young girl sitting near Jiang Wei. She had short, brown hair and dark eyes, and seemed overly sweet. The young strategist was blushing faintly and dropped his quill as the girl reached across the table to hold his hand.
Zhao Yun felt a boiling emotion erupt in his chest. Confused, he shook his head, leaving the brightly-lit hall.
Heading towards his room, Zhao Yun sighed quietly in relief. He opened the door to his unlit room, watching the moonlight pour in through his window. Walking forward, he stood quietly in the moon's glow.
Why was he suddenly full of jealousy? He didn't like Jiang Wei... of course not.
He wasn't gay, dammit.
He laid down on his bed, his dark hair making a criss-cross pattern on his pillow. Staring up towards the ceiling, he knew that he was lying to himself. He had been interested in Jiang Wei ever since he had met him.
But it couldn't be serious, could it? he thought emotionlessly.
His mind replayed the boiling anger inside his chest. Slowly, he came to the discouraging truth.
He did care for Jiang Wei.
But what saddened him the most was that Jiang Wei could never be his, no matter how hard he tried.
**********
A/N: This being my first yaoi/shonen ai/slash story (alone anyway), I'm not really the best at these things. Constructive criticism is welcome! Please R&R!
--Natsue Arishima