Title: The Coffee Theory

Author's Notes: Hear ye go! Short and not sweet, but that's ok! Hehe... enjoy!

Chapter One: A Side-Track Added

Mamoru rolled his eyes, as he continued his leisurely read of "To Kill a Mockingbird". It was his second coffee-free day and he was doing fine. Absolutely fine.

Suddenly the word "compromise" turned into "coffee". Coffee. Coffee. What he wouldn't do for...

"No, Mamoru, you idiot! Get over it, you're fine! You're awake! You're not qualified to serve people food!" he sighed, resignedly throwing the paperback book behind him. The book, in turn, landed on a pile of empty, open cans of soda. He was commanded to be coffee-free. Not necessarily caffeine-free.

He ran a hand through his ebony-black hair, a pouty expression presenting itself within his face. The type of expression that had enraptured the majority of Tokyo's females. You know the one.

"Sheesh. I need air." He stood up, stretching at first, then walking out his apartment door, obviously forgetting one, single...but very important thing.

***At Crown Arcade***

What a perplexing matter. All the way to the humble Furuhata establishment, Mamoru had received many strange looks. A woman grasping a drooling toddler had stormed up to him and barked, "Have some dignity!" And even here, at his beloved hangout, people were shooting him weird stares. Usually he loved attention, but the nocturnal caped crusader was quite sure these gazes were NOT meant for the enlargement of his ego. Something was off, quite off...

He set on a straight face and ignored the noticeable gazes and giggles that were clearly intentioned for him. He continued his journey and trudged on forward to the counter, for he had just seen a certain blonde that he had been meaning to talk to.

"Odango Atama!" Usual greeting calls for the usual reaction.

Usagi spun around in the stool she was sitting in, face set to "rabid rabbit". She glared, sky-blue eyes narrowed. She was about to yell at him, but after she inspected Mamoru from head to toe, confirming her suspicion, she did what any normal person confronted with this situation would do. "PWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

Mamoru raised an eyebrow, more out of irritation than curiosity. Agitation lining his words, Mamoru snapped, trying to stop the Odango's insane loud laughter. "What's so -funny-, Odango Atama?!"

Usagi laughed, big liquid droplets dripping down her cheeks from her sky-blue eyes. Her giggling came out loud and sweet. Mamoru may have been enchanted by the almost musical sound, if not for the major annoyance he was deriving from this experience.

"MAMORU?! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Mamoru finally tore his eyes away from the jr. high girl racked with laughter and faced a gaping Motoki, who stared at him with the most disbelieving expression on his face. Motoki crossed the remaining space between him and Mamoru. The sandy-blonde headed boy reached his friend, and muttered, "Dang it Mamoru. No matter how close we may be as friends, I've never EVER wanted to see you without your pants."

No matter how slow our precious Mamo-chan may be (wonder how he gets all those straight As, eh?), he had enough sense to look down, and lo and behold, Motoki's observation was indeed correct! Everything started to make sense now. The stares... more than usual cat calls... the draft in between his legs...

He was standing in the middle of Crown Arcade, pants-less.

"... Wow, Mamoru should be on the track team. The boy can run FAST."

Usagi: PWAHAHAHA!

***Mamoru's Apartment***

Mamoru sat in a corner, his curled up body rocking back and forth. He was trying to console himself that, yeah, sure, he had walked into a public establishment without any pants to speak of, but, hey... people make mistakes... maybe not as major and stupid, but they did...

All right. All he needed to do was find a new hangout. The bathroom at Tokyo Mall seemed to be the ideal place. No one dared tread there in fear of getting a rare jungle fungus of some kind.

"Ha...wussies..."

DING! DONG!

Mamoru blinked. Visitors? [Maybe adoring female fans to fawn over him?]

Mamoru cautiously strided over to the door, his fingers pressed lightly over the goldish door knob. Lightly, he twisted it and tugged, revealing... [not the latter, but something that would ultimately dishevel him in the end...]

"USAGI?!"

The girl standing in Mamoru's doorway blinked. "You know my name?!"

"I'm not stupid."

Usagi grinned, resisting the urge to laugh in this man's face. "Could've fooled me. WHO was the one who walked into Crown Arcade with no pants again... ?"

Mamoru snarled, turning his back on this golden-haired girl. "Oh shaddup."

"Oh, and suddenly the king of insults has none to throw at lil' ol' me today?

Mamoru sent the young woman a half-lidded stare. "You're awfully catty today. What's got -you- in such a good mood?"

A small grin tugged at the corner of the Senshi of the Moon's mouth. A grin that eventually broke out into a full blown smile. The young woman faced Mamoru, that very smile plastered to her face; a smile Mamoru doubted could ever be taken away. Then the black-haired man felt a sudden slash at his heart. He did the very thing that he thought no one could do. He stole that lively smile from Usagi's face every, single day.

The sweet, joyful smile suddenly turned into a smirk full of depths quite unknown to Mamoru. "What makes me happy, dear, stupid baka, is none of your business. However, as much as your presence continues to repel, reluct, repulse, disgust–"

"Ooh... whatta string of words, Odango," Mamoru said sardonically, "glad to see that our tax dollars are finally kicking in."

The blonde haired girl chose to ignore that comment, pre-living the relish she was about to derive from the following information she was on the verge of delivering. "Motoki has sent me to follow you all week: checking if you're seriously being honest about this bet of yours. And I get to... tempt you."

The raven-haired man twitched somewhat at the sexual connotations he was receiving from the words Usagi had just let flow free from her light pink lips. "Sorry Odango: I don't go for little girls like you. Don't wanna be charged as a pedophile, you know?"

Usagi arched a blonde eyebrow at the college boy's statement, utterly confused. "Nani... ?" then suddenly the lewd hidden meaning behind the statement suddenly slapped her in the face. Much like a slap a girl usually grants a guy when they were being way too fresh.

"YOU–YOU PERV!" she huffed angrily. As was her custom., the young super heroine arched her shoulders, balled her fists, then stomped angrily out the doorway, mumbling many incoherent things to herself. The usual outcome to the everyday conversation between the notorious peace-shattering duo.

Mamoru closed the door with a, surprisingly, reluctant 'thud'. So he was alone in his apartment... again. He closed his eyes and shook his head. That was best, actually. Without that she-spy lurking around he could get some serious plotting done.

But even with Usagi's presence no longer making itself known in a loud and noisy way, as was her custom, that was all that he could think of. Usagi.

"Good move, Motoki: but I'll have something to throw in your way, you mulipititive son of a–"

***Elsewhere in Tokyo...***

"What are you doing, Motoki?"

"Compiling a list of all the dreadful chores Mamoru can do when he loses this contest to me."

"That sure of yourself, huh?"

"Heck yeah."

Minako grinned: allowing her smile to bring out all the radiance her facial features possessed. To her ultimate dissappointment, the blonde-haired man she was trying to charm paid no attention to her! The NERVE!

The blonde-headed Englander scrunched her nose in disgust. "Jeez, you boys and your dumb competitions..."

Motoki chuckled, shaking his head. "You really don't understand, Minako."

Minako rolled her eyes, and questioned dryly, "What don't I understand? Machismo? The easily inflated male ego?"

The blonde-haired man's green eyes flashed mischievously. You don't understand the fact that our dear rabbit is everyone's ticket to an incredible show.'

Author's [Concluding] Notes: Finally, the first official chapter is done! -weeps with joy- Sorry for the late arrival, I just didn't feel like writing this story for a while! 'Till next time, Ja!