Here is the next chapter in the horrid tale of doom, destruction, utter
misery, and walnut paste.
There is some rude language, and odd adult-like content. Be warned that hints at homosexuality are flying around. Why? They make it so easy to portray!! Well, maybe not. Don't expect more than a kind gesture.
................................................
I do not own lord of the rings, or any characters/people/goblins in this story. Goblins?
.................................................
The moon was floating in the cold night sky above the plains of Rohan. Stars flickered with cold brilliance, and wisps of cloud were resting on the horizon.
Eowyn was mourning. Her head was hung low, and her eyes were cradling tears or frustration and doubt. How could she have been so daft? He loved her! She was sure of it, but how did she feel? She didn't know herself anymore.
A gentle tapping came from the door.
"Come in." Eowyn whispered, and the door opened to reveal Frodo and Sam. With gentle smiles they strode in.
"Hey purdy lady.." Sam cooed and knelt beside her on the floor. "What's wrong?"
Eowyn sniffled. "You...you think I'm pretty? And not a Porky Orky?"
Sam's brow furrowed for a moment. "Oh...wait....you're that disgusting, ugly- ass stripper!" he cried and pointed his finger accusingly. "UGLY UGLY!!"
Eowyn burst into a sobbing mess and fell to the floor. Frodo's lips curved into a smug smile as he bent down beside her, knowing just what to do and say.
"If you rub some ointment on it, and shave away the hair, the bugs will go away."
Eowyn's eyes widened in sheer terror as Frodo gestured towards his thigh...but then pointed to his calf instead. She let out a sigh.
"Darned calf lice!" Frodo hissed and scratched his leg furiously.
Eowyn shook her head and stood up with a sudden streak of confidence. Without so much as a word, she paced out of the room towards the common room, with the two hobbits merrily skipping behind her. They were dressed in fine blue bonnets of satin and knickers trimmed with lace, each with a sucker in hand.
But no one seemed to notice. Well, except for Galadriel. She turned to Eowyn with quivering lips and a daisy in hand.
"Where have all the flowers gone?" she whispered, and stroked a cat. Eowyn shook her head disdainfully. From behind a curtain, Elrond gazed seductively.
"Pretty lady..." he whispered and tears formed at the corners of his eyes. "Why do you fret so?"
"I...miss someone. I think I made a mistake, but there's no way to fix it..." Eowyn whimpered. Elrond just shook his head. "Bitch, he whispered. "Terrible bitch." Galadriel smiled warmly and stroked the velvet curtains. Eowyn sat across from the two elves, wrapped up in her own despair.
"Hohohoho, Gandalf! The hour is late, yet you insist upon my strip tease!" Legolas bellowed, his hands reaching for the cassette player. Aragorn shrieked with primal fear.
"I feel like a moth just raped my belly!" he gasped, when Arwen asked of his sudden fright. Pippin elbowed Merry sharply at this comment, as he had been belly-raped by a moth two years ago. Gimli, however, heard none of this. He was too busy speeding down the hallway in a shopping cart. As he passed Gandalf and Legolas jigging by the wall, he reached out and snared a tuft of Gandalf's furry chest. Gandalf blushed the color of spring roses.
Eowyn smiled at the bunch, but her heart was sinking. In a moment of desperation she leapt from her seat and ran out onto the balcony. Magically a violin began playing and a wintry breeze teased her hair. Gazing up at the moon she remembered the words of Grima and his promise for her success.
"If I had a chance to tell him how much I appreciate all he did for me, my life would be complete." She said, her voice quivering with emotion.
Nearby, the banana-searching monkey peed on the railing. A single drop of its urine landed on Eowyn's shoe. Without noticing, she walked back into the great hall and to her room. As the tip of her white satin mule touched the walnut streak, the drop of urine glided to the floor surface. A gentle light spread across the site of the dried remnants, and in the glowing orb a figure emerged. Eowyn stood motionless.
"My dear Eowyn." A husky voice filled the room. "The great monkey of mercy has granted us a second chance."
"Oh, lemony joy! Sweet, succulent joy!" Eowyn cried and embraced the bright figure.
"I dreamt about you every night...about us starting a life together. About you wearing a bikini, and me pouring pickles over your body, and, and of the monkey watching." The bright figure stammered.
"Is it really you, Grima?"
"Yesssss it is meeeeee...oooooh fssshhhhhh."
"Please, step out of the light!"
Grima obeyed and revealed himself from the fading aura. Eowyn bit her lip as her hungry eyes ran over his new body like wild ponies over majestic hills. Ripples of muscle; tan, sinewy, masculine flesh. Piercing eyes like Wayne Newton, and soft black tendrils of ashy hair. A pink bow around his neck. He bore the face of an angel: a mix of Jay Leno and Robert Redford.
"WEEEE! I'M A MERRY-GO-ROUND!" Elrond cried as the others followed him into Eowyn's chamber. Audible gasps erupted from burbly little mouths. Gimli's gasp came from his rear (as is the case with dwarves these days). Galadriel wiped away tears and hugged Aragorn and Arwen tightly. Frodo and Sam exchanged kisses of friendship, and Gimli nearly fainted at such raw lust. Pippin and Merry began to sing a nursery rhyme as Legolas and Gandalf FINALLY finished their jig.
Eowyn looked at Grima's new form, and vomited up her trout dinner. Grima laughed heartily as the goats cleaned up the mess. Then, as the sun broke across the mountain tops and the sky became illuminated with posterior- shaped clouds, the two embraced and shared a kiss. All those who bore witness would later remark it was Eowyn who sucked Grima's face off. Others insisted it was the monkey, who revoked the magic handsome spell. Some people even testified a magical helicopter-like machine flew through the window and granted three wishes to Grima, which included his old face, a pile of dried weed, and a bushel of melons. These people were Pippin. All, however, agreed the kiss was somehow homosexual in nature. This was never fully investigated, as the kiss was eclipsed by a harsh slap as Eowyn saw Grima's old appearance. Two weeks later, the monkey was fried and eaten on a stick.
Everyone lived happily, and parties were plentiful. As before, some wore New Year's hats. Others did not.
The End.
There is some rude language, and odd adult-like content. Be warned that hints at homosexuality are flying around. Why? They make it so easy to portray!! Well, maybe not. Don't expect more than a kind gesture.
................................................
I do not own lord of the rings, or any characters/people/goblins in this story. Goblins?
.................................................
The moon was floating in the cold night sky above the plains of Rohan. Stars flickered with cold brilliance, and wisps of cloud were resting on the horizon.
Eowyn was mourning. Her head was hung low, and her eyes were cradling tears or frustration and doubt. How could she have been so daft? He loved her! She was sure of it, but how did she feel? She didn't know herself anymore.
A gentle tapping came from the door.
"Come in." Eowyn whispered, and the door opened to reveal Frodo and Sam. With gentle smiles they strode in.
"Hey purdy lady.." Sam cooed and knelt beside her on the floor. "What's wrong?"
Eowyn sniffled. "You...you think I'm pretty? And not a Porky Orky?"
Sam's brow furrowed for a moment. "Oh...wait....you're that disgusting, ugly- ass stripper!" he cried and pointed his finger accusingly. "UGLY UGLY!!"
Eowyn burst into a sobbing mess and fell to the floor. Frodo's lips curved into a smug smile as he bent down beside her, knowing just what to do and say.
"If you rub some ointment on it, and shave away the hair, the bugs will go away."
Eowyn's eyes widened in sheer terror as Frodo gestured towards his thigh...but then pointed to his calf instead. She let out a sigh.
"Darned calf lice!" Frodo hissed and scratched his leg furiously.
Eowyn shook her head and stood up with a sudden streak of confidence. Without so much as a word, she paced out of the room towards the common room, with the two hobbits merrily skipping behind her. They were dressed in fine blue bonnets of satin and knickers trimmed with lace, each with a sucker in hand.
But no one seemed to notice. Well, except for Galadriel. She turned to Eowyn with quivering lips and a daisy in hand.
"Where have all the flowers gone?" she whispered, and stroked a cat. Eowyn shook her head disdainfully. From behind a curtain, Elrond gazed seductively.
"Pretty lady..." he whispered and tears formed at the corners of his eyes. "Why do you fret so?"
"I...miss someone. I think I made a mistake, but there's no way to fix it..." Eowyn whimpered. Elrond just shook his head. "Bitch, he whispered. "Terrible bitch." Galadriel smiled warmly and stroked the velvet curtains. Eowyn sat across from the two elves, wrapped up in her own despair.
"Hohohoho, Gandalf! The hour is late, yet you insist upon my strip tease!" Legolas bellowed, his hands reaching for the cassette player. Aragorn shrieked with primal fear.
"I feel like a moth just raped my belly!" he gasped, when Arwen asked of his sudden fright. Pippin elbowed Merry sharply at this comment, as he had been belly-raped by a moth two years ago. Gimli, however, heard none of this. He was too busy speeding down the hallway in a shopping cart. As he passed Gandalf and Legolas jigging by the wall, he reached out and snared a tuft of Gandalf's furry chest. Gandalf blushed the color of spring roses.
Eowyn smiled at the bunch, but her heart was sinking. In a moment of desperation she leapt from her seat and ran out onto the balcony. Magically a violin began playing and a wintry breeze teased her hair. Gazing up at the moon she remembered the words of Grima and his promise for her success.
"If I had a chance to tell him how much I appreciate all he did for me, my life would be complete." She said, her voice quivering with emotion.
Nearby, the banana-searching monkey peed on the railing. A single drop of its urine landed on Eowyn's shoe. Without noticing, she walked back into the great hall and to her room. As the tip of her white satin mule touched the walnut streak, the drop of urine glided to the floor surface. A gentle light spread across the site of the dried remnants, and in the glowing orb a figure emerged. Eowyn stood motionless.
"My dear Eowyn." A husky voice filled the room. "The great monkey of mercy has granted us a second chance."
"Oh, lemony joy! Sweet, succulent joy!" Eowyn cried and embraced the bright figure.
"I dreamt about you every night...about us starting a life together. About you wearing a bikini, and me pouring pickles over your body, and, and of the monkey watching." The bright figure stammered.
"Is it really you, Grima?"
"Yesssss it is meeeeee...oooooh fssshhhhhh."
"Please, step out of the light!"
Grima obeyed and revealed himself from the fading aura. Eowyn bit her lip as her hungry eyes ran over his new body like wild ponies over majestic hills. Ripples of muscle; tan, sinewy, masculine flesh. Piercing eyes like Wayne Newton, and soft black tendrils of ashy hair. A pink bow around his neck. He bore the face of an angel: a mix of Jay Leno and Robert Redford.
"WEEEE! I'M A MERRY-GO-ROUND!" Elrond cried as the others followed him into Eowyn's chamber. Audible gasps erupted from burbly little mouths. Gimli's gasp came from his rear (as is the case with dwarves these days). Galadriel wiped away tears and hugged Aragorn and Arwen tightly. Frodo and Sam exchanged kisses of friendship, and Gimli nearly fainted at such raw lust. Pippin and Merry began to sing a nursery rhyme as Legolas and Gandalf FINALLY finished their jig.
Eowyn looked at Grima's new form, and vomited up her trout dinner. Grima laughed heartily as the goats cleaned up the mess. Then, as the sun broke across the mountain tops and the sky became illuminated with posterior- shaped clouds, the two embraced and shared a kiss. All those who bore witness would later remark it was Eowyn who sucked Grima's face off. Others insisted it was the monkey, who revoked the magic handsome spell. Some people even testified a magical helicopter-like machine flew through the window and granted three wishes to Grima, which included his old face, a pile of dried weed, and a bushel of melons. These people were Pippin. All, however, agreed the kiss was somehow homosexual in nature. This was never fully investigated, as the kiss was eclipsed by a harsh slap as Eowyn saw Grima's old appearance. Two weeks later, the monkey was fried and eaten on a stick.
Everyone lived happily, and parties were plentiful. As before, some wore New Year's hats. Others did not.
The End.