Spoilers: Boomerang, Lifeline, The Measure of Men, A Tangled Webb, but
mostly the previews for Shifting Sands (AN: I've never written a scene for
an episode that hasn't aired yet, but these bits of dialogue just wouldn't
leave me alone until they were written out)
******
2118 EST Kresge Medical Center Pimmit Hills, VA
Sarah MacKenzie walked down the hospital corridor, focusing on the current object of her irritation who seemed oblivious to his imminent peril at the other end of the hall. She accidentally bumped into a large nurse carrying a mound of bed linens who inadvertently stepped out of a patients' room and into the warpath of a United States Marine. Mac murmured a quick apology before continuing on to where her former partner was leaning against a window frame looking down at the parking lot. Briefly her mind registered that he was wearing civvies despite the fact that it was a weekday afternoon, but she quickly dismissed the thought, figuring she'd get used to it soon enough.
"You left," was all she said to him as she crossed her arms across her winter uniform jacket.
Harmon Rabb didn't even look up from the toy-sized cars maneuvering around the parking lot before responding in a bitter tone, "You're very observant. Guess that's why they let you stay in the Marine Corps."
"Why did you leave?" she asked calmly, choosing to ignore the barb for the moment. "I thought you came with me because you wanted to see Clay."
"If you don't know why I left, maybe you're not that observant," was his only reply as he walked past her to one of the many sterile lobbies that populated every floor of the hospital.
"Okay, Harm. If that's the way you want to be about this whole thing, then fine. I know you're mad about what happened in Paraguay, but just look at it this way-we can consider ourselves even in the rejected advances category of our relationship." She yelled accusingly at his retreating back as he moved away from her.
He turned around as if slapped. "How do you figure that, Colonel?" As soon as he stopped moving, she walked up to him, figuring she'd already made enough of a scene for all of the hospital personnel within earshot.
"This." she gestured absently with her hands as she searched for the right word, ".situation. we've found ourselves in gives you a little idea of what I felt like that night on the ferry."
He frowned as she watched him reliving that memory in his mind. After a moment, he conceded, "Maybe it does-to a degree-because I know that I said the wrong thing back then. But this time I know that I said the right thing, and I still get to relive that scene in the airport, except this time the setting is a hospital room. Sorry I didn't stick around to watch and see if there was a ring involved this time, too."
He walked away from her again, only to find her in his face when he stopped a few paces away.
"What is your problem?" she demanded.
He finally looked at her. She looked extremely pissed, but he didn't particularly care at the moment. All he was aware of was that it was taking all of his self-control not to take offence at her oblivious disregard toward his feelings and all that he had given up just to watch her slip through his fingers.
"You once asked me what I would give up to have you. I gave it all up, crashed and burned, and now I'm realizing I may not be able to get any of it back."
His responses were really starting to irritate her, and she didn't make any effort to disguise that fact as she spit back, "So you're mad at me? I didn't ask you to give up your career so that you could come play hero and rescue me."
He didn't flinch at her onslaught. He knew that one of them had to keep a cool head or they'd risk creating a scene for hospital security to take care of. "I never said that. All I said was that I'm starting to see everything I gave up to come after you. And despite all that, I would do it again."
This time she let him walk away as she digested his words. He had definitely won that round of verbal repartee.
After a few minutes, he sensed her approach and turned away from the muted television screen to face her. All of her anger seemed to have melted away to be replaced by a mask of indifference. "So, you finally let go, Harm."
"Isn't that what you wanted me to do?" he asked as his resolve to not let her see how badly he was hurting started to slip. For the first time in his life, he seemed almost vulnerable as he admitted the truth. "I let go of everything because I thought I had finally found something better to hold on to."
"And what would that be?" She wasn't going to succumb to emotional appeals and remained stoic under his gaze.
"You."
She looked up at him as he took a step closer to her. He saw the indecision in her eyes for a split second before she turned away from him. Her emotions wouldn't allow her to impassively escape from this confrontation anymore. She took a deep calming breath and turned back to face him. "I think that Clay and I might have something here, but you won't leave this non-existent 'us' alone. Why won't you leave it be?"
"I let you walk away once before on a porch at a certain party, and only by divine intervention was I given a second chance," he spoke quietly as he cautiously came within an arm's length of her. He optimistically noted that she hadn't backed off at his intrusion into her personal space. "I've sat on my hands for so long that it looks like I may be losing that chance. Even though I may have been a little slow on the uptake, I'm not going to give up without a fight."
She met his eyes defiantly and replied, "Harm, I told you it will never work. At some point you're going realize it, too, and you'll thank me for saving us both the heartache."
He met her challenge with his own. "I was raised to believe that the things worth having are the things worth fighting for. And if you have to fight for something, you'll appreciate it that much more when you finally get it."
She couldn't keep the incredulity out of her voice as she rebutted, "So all of a sudden you're willing to make an effort to have a relationship. Why didn't you want this four years ago? Hell, why not a year ago?"
"I don't know! I guess I wasn't ready to risk it yet!" He threw his hands up in exasperation as he turned away and started to pace in front of a row of plastic-vinyl covered chairs. "We had our jobs to think about. Our hands were tied by the regulations we swore to uphold. Our friendship wasn't what it used to be, and I was afraid that a blind leap into the unknown would effectively kill our relationship if things didn't work out."
"But why now?" She articulated each word separately. He stopped his pacing and looked at her. She watched as his eyes focused at a point somewhere beyond her as he carefully chose his answer.
A few moments passed in suspended animation, before he refocused on her. She tried to avoid his eyes as he stepped toward her. Hesitantly, he reached his hand out to hover over her cheek, as if he were afraid to touch her. "Now the only thing I have left to lose is you, Sarah."
She had spent so many years trying to get this man to open up to her, and when he finally did, she wasn't ready for it. She bit her lip in an attempt not to cry, but despite her efforts, a tear slipped out. Harm's hand finally made contact with her face to tenderly wipe the moisture away. His voice was quiet, but rough with emotion as he spoke to her, "I can't promise you that this will be easy or there won't be times when we want to kill each other, but I'm willing to try if you are."
"I don't know if I can do what you're asking," she whispered back, feeling a few more teardrops trace a path down her face only to be brushed away a moment later by the incredible man in front of her that she had finally given up on, only to have his surprise her with this performance.
After giving up everything else for her, he hesitated only a moment before risking his last shred of dignity with the response, "Not even to give love a chance?"
Her breath caught in her throat as she backed up a step, leaving Harm with one hand suspended in mid-air where it had formerly been caressing her cheek. Her reply was barely audible, "Now you're telling me that you're in love with me?"
She had never seen that particular look in his eyes, a mixture of gut- wrenching fear with a spark of hope. "I told you once that you have someone who will always love you. I thought you knew that it was me."
Time seemed to freeze, neither quite believing what he had just admitted.
She recovered first. "I can't do this right now," was all she managed to say before she turned and fled down the hall as fast as she could manage in her uniform heels.
He stood there, staring in the direction she had gone for another few minutes. He had finally let Sarah MacKenzie know that she meant everything to him, and now all he could do was wait for her to decide what to do with that knowledge. His only consoling thought was that she hadn't taken off in the direction of Clayton Webb's hospital room.
In the meantime, he was going to call a taxi to catch a ride back to JAG headquarters to pick up his car. He hadn't planned this when he had agreed to go with her to visit Clay earlier that afternoon, and he didn't think that pressing her for a ride would be the best course of action at the moment. It was only a minor complication in his royally screwed up life.
******
Written September 28, 2003
******
2118 EST Kresge Medical Center Pimmit Hills, VA
Sarah MacKenzie walked down the hospital corridor, focusing on the current object of her irritation who seemed oblivious to his imminent peril at the other end of the hall. She accidentally bumped into a large nurse carrying a mound of bed linens who inadvertently stepped out of a patients' room and into the warpath of a United States Marine. Mac murmured a quick apology before continuing on to where her former partner was leaning against a window frame looking down at the parking lot. Briefly her mind registered that he was wearing civvies despite the fact that it was a weekday afternoon, but she quickly dismissed the thought, figuring she'd get used to it soon enough.
"You left," was all she said to him as she crossed her arms across her winter uniform jacket.
Harmon Rabb didn't even look up from the toy-sized cars maneuvering around the parking lot before responding in a bitter tone, "You're very observant. Guess that's why they let you stay in the Marine Corps."
"Why did you leave?" she asked calmly, choosing to ignore the barb for the moment. "I thought you came with me because you wanted to see Clay."
"If you don't know why I left, maybe you're not that observant," was his only reply as he walked past her to one of the many sterile lobbies that populated every floor of the hospital.
"Okay, Harm. If that's the way you want to be about this whole thing, then fine. I know you're mad about what happened in Paraguay, but just look at it this way-we can consider ourselves even in the rejected advances category of our relationship." She yelled accusingly at his retreating back as he moved away from her.
He turned around as if slapped. "How do you figure that, Colonel?" As soon as he stopped moving, she walked up to him, figuring she'd already made enough of a scene for all of the hospital personnel within earshot.
"This." she gestured absently with her hands as she searched for the right word, ".situation. we've found ourselves in gives you a little idea of what I felt like that night on the ferry."
He frowned as she watched him reliving that memory in his mind. After a moment, he conceded, "Maybe it does-to a degree-because I know that I said the wrong thing back then. But this time I know that I said the right thing, and I still get to relive that scene in the airport, except this time the setting is a hospital room. Sorry I didn't stick around to watch and see if there was a ring involved this time, too."
He walked away from her again, only to find her in his face when he stopped a few paces away.
"What is your problem?" she demanded.
He finally looked at her. She looked extremely pissed, but he didn't particularly care at the moment. All he was aware of was that it was taking all of his self-control not to take offence at her oblivious disregard toward his feelings and all that he had given up just to watch her slip through his fingers.
"You once asked me what I would give up to have you. I gave it all up, crashed and burned, and now I'm realizing I may not be able to get any of it back."
His responses were really starting to irritate her, and she didn't make any effort to disguise that fact as she spit back, "So you're mad at me? I didn't ask you to give up your career so that you could come play hero and rescue me."
He didn't flinch at her onslaught. He knew that one of them had to keep a cool head or they'd risk creating a scene for hospital security to take care of. "I never said that. All I said was that I'm starting to see everything I gave up to come after you. And despite all that, I would do it again."
This time she let him walk away as she digested his words. He had definitely won that round of verbal repartee.
After a few minutes, he sensed her approach and turned away from the muted television screen to face her. All of her anger seemed to have melted away to be replaced by a mask of indifference. "So, you finally let go, Harm."
"Isn't that what you wanted me to do?" he asked as his resolve to not let her see how badly he was hurting started to slip. For the first time in his life, he seemed almost vulnerable as he admitted the truth. "I let go of everything because I thought I had finally found something better to hold on to."
"And what would that be?" She wasn't going to succumb to emotional appeals and remained stoic under his gaze.
"You."
She looked up at him as he took a step closer to her. He saw the indecision in her eyes for a split second before she turned away from him. Her emotions wouldn't allow her to impassively escape from this confrontation anymore. She took a deep calming breath and turned back to face him. "I think that Clay and I might have something here, but you won't leave this non-existent 'us' alone. Why won't you leave it be?"
"I let you walk away once before on a porch at a certain party, and only by divine intervention was I given a second chance," he spoke quietly as he cautiously came within an arm's length of her. He optimistically noted that she hadn't backed off at his intrusion into her personal space. "I've sat on my hands for so long that it looks like I may be losing that chance. Even though I may have been a little slow on the uptake, I'm not going to give up without a fight."
She met his eyes defiantly and replied, "Harm, I told you it will never work. At some point you're going realize it, too, and you'll thank me for saving us both the heartache."
He met her challenge with his own. "I was raised to believe that the things worth having are the things worth fighting for. And if you have to fight for something, you'll appreciate it that much more when you finally get it."
She couldn't keep the incredulity out of her voice as she rebutted, "So all of a sudden you're willing to make an effort to have a relationship. Why didn't you want this four years ago? Hell, why not a year ago?"
"I don't know! I guess I wasn't ready to risk it yet!" He threw his hands up in exasperation as he turned away and started to pace in front of a row of plastic-vinyl covered chairs. "We had our jobs to think about. Our hands were tied by the regulations we swore to uphold. Our friendship wasn't what it used to be, and I was afraid that a blind leap into the unknown would effectively kill our relationship if things didn't work out."
"But why now?" She articulated each word separately. He stopped his pacing and looked at her. She watched as his eyes focused at a point somewhere beyond her as he carefully chose his answer.
A few moments passed in suspended animation, before he refocused on her. She tried to avoid his eyes as he stepped toward her. Hesitantly, he reached his hand out to hover over her cheek, as if he were afraid to touch her. "Now the only thing I have left to lose is you, Sarah."
She had spent so many years trying to get this man to open up to her, and when he finally did, she wasn't ready for it. She bit her lip in an attempt not to cry, but despite her efforts, a tear slipped out. Harm's hand finally made contact with her face to tenderly wipe the moisture away. His voice was quiet, but rough with emotion as he spoke to her, "I can't promise you that this will be easy or there won't be times when we want to kill each other, but I'm willing to try if you are."
"I don't know if I can do what you're asking," she whispered back, feeling a few more teardrops trace a path down her face only to be brushed away a moment later by the incredible man in front of her that she had finally given up on, only to have his surprise her with this performance.
After giving up everything else for her, he hesitated only a moment before risking his last shred of dignity with the response, "Not even to give love a chance?"
Her breath caught in her throat as she backed up a step, leaving Harm with one hand suspended in mid-air where it had formerly been caressing her cheek. Her reply was barely audible, "Now you're telling me that you're in love with me?"
She had never seen that particular look in his eyes, a mixture of gut- wrenching fear with a spark of hope. "I told you once that you have someone who will always love you. I thought you knew that it was me."
Time seemed to freeze, neither quite believing what he had just admitted.
She recovered first. "I can't do this right now," was all she managed to say before she turned and fled down the hall as fast as she could manage in her uniform heels.
He stood there, staring in the direction she had gone for another few minutes. He had finally let Sarah MacKenzie know that she meant everything to him, and now all he could do was wait for her to decide what to do with that knowledge. His only consoling thought was that she hadn't taken off in the direction of Clayton Webb's hospital room.
In the meantime, he was going to call a taxi to catch a ride back to JAG headquarters to pick up his car. He hadn't planned this when he had agreed to go with her to visit Clay earlier that afternoon, and he didn't think that pressing her for a ride would be the best course of action at the moment. It was only a minor complication in his royally screwed up life.
******
Written September 28, 2003