NATURAL RED HEAD
by Bast
I don't make a penny off Law & Order. Everything belongs to Dick Wolf--
except the insanity.
(Lennie's hospital room. He is hooked up to a heart monitor, but
feeling no pain)
Lennie: (singing) "I've got nerves that jingle, jangle, jingle." No, that's
not right. (He giggles, then chuckles, then laughs outright. The
door opens and RODGERS enters. She is dressed in a skirt and
blouse, and carrying roses) DOC? Hey, Doc! How's it going?
Listen, Doc, what's that song, you know, from Annie Get Your Gun?
The one that goes: I've got something that jingle, jangle, jingles?
Rodgers: Spurs.
Lennie: What?
Rodgers: Spurs. I've got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle.
Lennie: That's it. Your're beautiful, Doc. (He begins to sing again)
Rodgers: Thank you, detective. I see you're feeling no pain. What have
they got you on--Dipsadene?
Lennie: Yeah, and it's better than any booze I ever had. Are those for
me?
Rodgers: (awkwardly holding up the flowers) Yeah.
Lennie: Red roses! How thoughtful. And they match my eyes. You
shouldn't have.
Rodgers: Probably not--but I did. (Pause) I kinda miss you around
the morgue.
Lennie: (a little tearfully) That's the nicest thing anybody's ever
said to me.
(Rodgers looks around for a vase or glass, and finding none,
deposits the roses in a urinal)
Rodgers: Not exactly Martha Stewart, but it works.
Lennie: So...Doc. How's business?
Rodgers: Dead. (They both laugh)
Lennie: Ah, Doc. I've missed you. Your impish grin, your skillful
hands. Your cute ass in those blue scrubs. Damn! Did I just
say that?
Rodgers: Unfortunately. That's one of the side effects of Dipsadene--
no inhibitions. I'll overlook it, considering.
Lennie: Considering what?
Rodgers: Your condition.
Lennie: I'm in excellent condition. Feel this bicep. Go on, feel it.
Rodgers: (tenatively squeezing his muscle) I'm impressed. You could
maybe go three rounds with Marilyn Manson.
Lennie: Damn straight. And I've got form, too. (He begins to shadow
box)
Rodgers: Yo, Rocky. Cool it. You recently had a heart attack, remember?
Lennie: A temporary setback. I'll be out of this bed and into yours
in no time. (There is a shocked and embarassed silence from
them both)
Rodgers: (trying to regain her poise) Well, detective, I just came by
to wish you well-
Lennie: Call me Lennie.
Rodgers -and to say we'll all be glad when you're back on the job at the
2-7. I've really gotta run. Still got work to do.
Lennie: (sobering) Doc, I almost died, you know?
Rodgers: I know.
Lennie: And it could happen again.
Rodgers: I know. Listen detec--Lennie. If there's anything I can
do for you--anything at all...
Lennie: (cunningly) Well, there is something... One little thing.
Rodgers: Name it.
Lennie: Naw. It's too much to ask.
Rodgers: Come on, detec--Lennie. I'm here if you need me.
Lennie: Well, it would mean a lot to me if....if...
Rodgers: Yes?
Lennie: If I could know for SURE...
Rodgers: (losing patience) Know what, detective?
Lennie: If..if..you're a natural red head. (Rodgers looks shocked, then
amused) I've always wondered about that. It would mean a lot to
me to know.
Rodgers: Why, you hopped up old letcher. You know there's only one way
to know for sure.
Lennie: (grinning broadly) Yeah. I know.
(Rodgers goes to door to listen for voices. Hearing none, she
approaches Lennie's bed)
Rodgers: Lucky thing I don't wear underware. (She takes the hem of her skirt
and lifts it)
Lennie: I'll be damned!
(Suddenly the heart monitor begins beeping crazily. Lennie
falls back against the pillow as NURSES rush into the room)
END
by Bast
I don't make a penny off Law & Order. Everything belongs to Dick Wolf--
except the insanity.
(Lennie's hospital room. He is hooked up to a heart monitor, but
feeling no pain)
Lennie: (singing) "I've got nerves that jingle, jangle, jingle." No, that's
not right. (He giggles, then chuckles, then laughs outright. The
door opens and RODGERS enters. She is dressed in a skirt and
blouse, and carrying roses) DOC? Hey, Doc! How's it going?
Listen, Doc, what's that song, you know, from Annie Get Your Gun?
The one that goes: I've got something that jingle, jangle, jingles?
Rodgers: Spurs.
Lennie: What?
Rodgers: Spurs. I've got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle.
Lennie: That's it. Your're beautiful, Doc. (He begins to sing again)
Rodgers: Thank you, detective. I see you're feeling no pain. What have
they got you on--Dipsadene?
Lennie: Yeah, and it's better than any booze I ever had. Are those for
me?
Rodgers: (awkwardly holding up the flowers) Yeah.
Lennie: Red roses! How thoughtful. And they match my eyes. You
shouldn't have.
Rodgers: Probably not--but I did. (Pause) I kinda miss you around
the morgue.
Lennie: (a little tearfully) That's the nicest thing anybody's ever
said to me.
(Rodgers looks around for a vase or glass, and finding none,
deposits the roses in a urinal)
Rodgers: Not exactly Martha Stewart, but it works.
Lennie: So...Doc. How's business?
Rodgers: Dead. (They both laugh)
Lennie: Ah, Doc. I've missed you. Your impish grin, your skillful
hands. Your cute ass in those blue scrubs. Damn! Did I just
say that?
Rodgers: Unfortunately. That's one of the side effects of Dipsadene--
no inhibitions. I'll overlook it, considering.
Lennie: Considering what?
Rodgers: Your condition.
Lennie: I'm in excellent condition. Feel this bicep. Go on, feel it.
Rodgers: (tenatively squeezing his muscle) I'm impressed. You could
maybe go three rounds with Marilyn Manson.
Lennie: Damn straight. And I've got form, too. (He begins to shadow
box)
Rodgers: Yo, Rocky. Cool it. You recently had a heart attack, remember?
Lennie: A temporary setback. I'll be out of this bed and into yours
in no time. (There is a shocked and embarassed silence from
them both)
Rodgers: (trying to regain her poise) Well, detective, I just came by
to wish you well-
Lennie: Call me Lennie.
Rodgers -and to say we'll all be glad when you're back on the job at the
2-7. I've really gotta run. Still got work to do.
Lennie: (sobering) Doc, I almost died, you know?
Rodgers: I know.
Lennie: And it could happen again.
Rodgers: I know. Listen detec--Lennie. If there's anything I can
do for you--anything at all...
Lennie: (cunningly) Well, there is something... One little thing.
Rodgers: Name it.
Lennie: Naw. It's too much to ask.
Rodgers: Come on, detec--Lennie. I'm here if you need me.
Lennie: Well, it would mean a lot to me if....if...
Rodgers: Yes?
Lennie: If I could know for SURE...
Rodgers: (losing patience) Know what, detective?
Lennie: If..if..you're a natural red head. (Rodgers looks shocked, then
amused) I've always wondered about that. It would mean a lot to
me to know.
Rodgers: Why, you hopped up old letcher. You know there's only one way
to know for sure.
Lennie: (grinning broadly) Yeah. I know.
(Rodgers goes to door to listen for voices. Hearing none, she
approaches Lennie's bed)
Rodgers: Lucky thing I don't wear underware. (She takes the hem of her skirt
and lifts it)
Lennie: I'll be damned!
(Suddenly the heart monitor begins beeping crazily. Lennie
falls back against the pillow as NURSES rush into the room)
END