Wesley rode his shiny new motor bike, a gift from Wolfram & Hart, down the road at breakneck speeds. He was supposed to be on his way to meet Angel and everyone else but he was taking the long way. He told himself he was being cautious in case someone was following him, he was being safe. But really, deep down inside, he knew he was stalling, wasting time so he could think. Think about Angel.

Angel.

They had been sleeping together for almost a month. 'Sleeping together', that was a polite way to describe what they did to each other. Saying they 'slept' together was misleading since Angel never stayed after he finished, they never fell asleep with one another. The first time Angel had come to Wesley it had frightened and confused him. Wesley had been sleeping and as he tossed from one side to the other he saw Angel. Angel stood at the side of Wesley's bed and, for a split second, Wesley was sure that Angel had a white pillow in his hands. In that moment Wesley saw Angel lung at him but when Wesley snapped into action, sitting up quickly, he saw that Angel didn't have a pillow and hadn't moved.

Wesley asked if something was wrong but Angel didn't say anything. He just slowly slunk down onto the bed until he was sitting next to Wesley, his back to him. Wesley wondered if he should do something, say something, at least go and put more clothes on than just the thin boxers he slept in.

"You remember when you first came to me?" Angel asked softly.

For a moment Wesley thought Angel might not have actually said it, that he'd only imagined it.

"What?" Wesley sputtered just as softly.

Wesley didn't know what Angel was saying or what he was expected to contribute to the conversation. The only thing he was certain of was that he should be wearing more clothes, he'd been debating whether or not to get up and pull on a pair of jeans when Angel spoke again.

"When you first came to the office to work for me, and it was just us and Cordy... we were a family then..." Angel let his voice trail off.

So this was about Cordellia. Cordellia was a subject Wesley could work with, even if it was a sore subject. At least he had a vague idea of how to make the situation better, if only temporarily. Well, gloss it over enough to get Angel through till morning where Wesley would recommend he speak to someone better qualified to listen to him bare his soul. For now he could just reassure Angel they were doing everything they could for Cordellia and that would get Angel off of his bed, in the middle of the night, while Wes was practically naked underneath his light gray bed sheet.

"Angel, we are doing everything we can for Cordellia-"

"Back then I had to keep reassuring you that I wanted you to stay, that I wasn't going to fire you for every little slip up. You remember?"

Wesley nodded and then felt silly because Angel still had his back to him.

"Angel, maybe I should..." Wesley let his thought trail off. He finished it a thousand different ways in his head; get some clothes on, call Fred, call Lorne, call Gunn, make some tea, turn on a light. Everything he wanted to say he didn't, couldn't, bring himself to say. He didn't want Angel to know how uncomfortable he was with Angel so close to him. Wesley was afraid Angel might find it insulting, which it probably should be. 'Sorry Angel, don't want to get to close to you. I'm afraid you might freak out and try to kill me. I'm not sure why but, could you maybe move away?' Yeah, that would go over well.

"You were so clingy. Always touching me and hugging me and you used to get misty eyed… and you were clumsy. I was sure you were going to fall and break something. A lamp or a vase... you," Angel chuckled softly. "But you're different now. You don't think you need to please me, to please others. You're stronger than you used to be. You used to be my faithful servant." Angel paused and sighed loudly. "When you said that to me it meant more than I... than you could know."

Wesley didn't know if he should speak or let Angel continue. Angel seemed content to just keep talking and if all he needed was someone to listen to him then Wesley would gladly be that person.

"I said you had to make yourself useful, remember?" Angel said glancing slightly over his shoulder.

Was this the part where Wesley was expected to say something? Wesley still didn't know where this conversation had come from or where it was going, how could he be expected to comment?

"You made yourself too useful," Angel began again and turned his head away. "Too valuable, too much an intricate part of the team. Without you we weren't family. We couldn't lose you... not after everything... not after Cordellia and then... Connor." Wesley's mouth dropped open to protest, they didn't know a 'Connor', but even in the sparse light that filtered through his windows he could see Angel tense so he snapped his mouth shut again. "We couldn't lose you too," Angel repeated as if this clarified the bizarre conversation.

"You haven't lost me," Wesley said quietly. Lacking of anything better to say. Angel laughed but the sound was painful, less like laughter and more like desolation. It was perhaps the saddest, coldest thing Wesley had ever heard.

"I lost you a long time ago Wes, you just don't know it." Angel said and finally turned to face Wesley.

Angel looked Wesley in the eyes for a long moment before Angel let his eyes roam over Wesley's bare chest and sparsely covered legs. Wesley felt his cheeks get hot under the scrutiny of Angel's gaze. He moved slightly wanting to cover himself more but only succeeding in exposing more of himself, more of his legs where his boxers had ridden up his thigh.

"I, uh, I'm still… Angel," Wesley stuttered uselessly. He didn't know what he wanted to say, he didn't know what he was going to do, and he had no idea how to finish whatever lame attempt at a sentence he'd just made.

Angel reached over and touched Wesley's knee lightly. Wesley's first reaction was to jump away but he fought it. Angel slid his hand up Wesley's leg to his thigh and then Wesley did jump away. He jumped off of the bed and stood three steps away.

"Um, Angel," Wesley began but before he could get any other words out of his mouth Angel was standing in front of him. Too close, his brain told him, all his brain would tell him, Angel's too close. Wesley attempted to move back a step but before his foot even left the ground Angel pinned him against the wall. Wesley was frightened, hoped that Angel couldn't tell how much, but with vampire senses he probably did. "Angel?" Wesley breathed.

Angel closed his eyes and breathed in through his nose deeply. Wesley shivered. He wasn't cold but he couldn't stop himself from shaking in the fine layer of fear that pulsed through him at the tiny action. He couldn't figure out what had just happened. Wesley's brain kept playing and replaying the conversation and their actions and then what was happening now and the two didn't make sense together. They didn't fit.

But Angel and he did. Angel moved his body until it was flush against Wesley's, until Wesley could feel every part of Angel in exactly the same places on him. They fit together, and that made Wesley shiver again.

"I wanna hear you say it Wes," Angel said opening his eyes and looking into Wesley's.

"I'm sorry," Wesley asked and cursed himself for the tremor that ran through his voice.

"Say," Angel started but stopped abruptly. Wesley hoped he didn't look as confused as he felt but, knowing himself as he did, he suspected that he looked just as confused if not more so. However, Angel had been right earlier, Wesley had changed.

"What do you want me to say Angel?" Wesley asked hoping it would end whatever confrontation they seemed to be having.

Angel opened his mouth as if to tell him but stopped again. Wesley was quickly reaching the end of his tether with this scenario and was calculating in his head whether or not he could fight Angel off if he had to. But all of Wesley's thoughts were pushed out of his head when Angel leaned forward and kissed Wesley on the lips.

It was a tentative kiss at first, especially since Wesley froze in place and didn't move. But once Angel noticed that Wesley didn't move to push him away he kissed him firmer and soon began nibbling on Wesley's lips, trying to will Wesley into the kiss. But Wesley didn't know what to do. He'd kissed girls, and one boy back at school in England, before but kissing Angel never crossed his mind. Now that it was happening he found he couldn't remember how a kiss worked, what his role should be.

Then, as quickly as Angel had started, he pulled away. Angel looked at Wesley as if searching his eyes for something. "I said I'd never forgive you," Angel whispered, "but I ―we... there is no team without you. We always needed you, we kept coming back to you, we ―I still needed you."

Wesley wanted, felt like he should, respond to what Angel was saying but he didn't really understand what Angel was saying.

"I'm," Wesley started, "glad to be of service."

Angel chuckled again and put a small amount of distance between them, not a respectable amount but a little at least. "I'm coming back tomorrow," Angel stated.

Angel didn't even try to disguise it as a request. It was a statement, he was going to do it and the only way Wesley could stop him was to rescind Angel's invitation and they both knew that Wesley wouldn't do that. But Angel waited for Wesley to at least nod, pretend he actually had a say in the matter.

Angel left quickly after that. Wesley had been confused, very confused; he had liked kissing Angel, liked that Angel wanted to kiss him. Even though Wesley thought Angel was straight, and that he was himself for that matter, but Wesley liked kissing Angel.

Angel did, indeed, return the next night and the night after that and the one after that. Some nights Angel would talk before he started kissing Wesley, and touching Wesley, and sometimes he wouldn't. Every time Angel spoke it made no sense. He talked about fights and battles between them that had never happened and a rift that formed between them that could never be repaired and it all confused Wesley but he stuck through it hoping it would all sort itself out if he waited long enough.

Soon, a lot sooner than Wesley would have liked, they began 'sleeping' together. Angel would take him fast and hard and then leave quickly and quietly. It was never passionate, sometimes Angel was excessively rough as if he was punishing Wesley, for what Wesley didn't know but he'd let Angel do it and then Wesley would cover the bruises in the morning. Wesley wanted to tell Angel to stay afterwards but was afraid of the effect that simple desire might have on Angel. So it had gone on, for nearly a month, where Angel came to Wesley's room at night, where they'd have sex, then Angel would leave.

When had it started? Right after the necromancer incident, Wesley's brain supplied for him. That was when it had started. It was that night, actually, that Wesley had woken to find Angel at his bedside. Wesley knew he cared for Angel, cared for him more than he thought he should considering it seemed like he was just a warm body for Angel to fill. But Wesley sort of liked their secret affair, it felt oddly familiar, he hated that he didn't meant anything to Angel.

Wesley felt that he had wasted as much time as he dare and turned his bike towards the woods on the far end of town. He still didn't quite know how he was supposed to act around Angel. He assumed that he should act just like he had before but it felt wrong to pretend nothing had changed. It was more difficult to pretend nothing was different when Angel sometimes looked at him sometimes, in that certain way, a way that suggested he might actually care about Wesley. Wesley also found it easier to pretend if they didn't touch in anyway. If he had to touch Angel he might not be able to control himself, or worse, he'd fool himself into thinking that Angel cared for him more than just a, what was that saying, fuck buddy.

He pulled up where they were all supposed to be meeting and realized that he was the last one to arrive. He parked his motor bike at the end of a long succession of pretty new shiny and expensive cars. Wesley turned off the bike, put out the kickstand, jumped off of the bike, and removed the helmet. Fred made a 'be quiet' sign at him while he walked over to her. Fred began waving a metal detector over him and Lorne continued their ridiculous cover story about a picnic, as if they'd ever had picnics, and asked if anyone wanted some Mu shoo. Wesley joined in asking for plum sauce until Fred said he was clean.

"Nobody's listening," Fred said.

"You were late," Angel told Wesley.

There was a look in Angel's eyes when he said it, maybe just the way he looked directly into Wesley's eyes until a couple of seconds after Wesley answered, that made it seem like he actually cared. Like Angel was really worried that Wesley might have been in danger. But, Wesley rationalized; Angel just might have thought Wesley was consorting with the senior partners.

"Thought I was being followed," Wesley said pointedly.

If Angel did think he was working with the senior partners he didn't want to give him an excuse. Although telling Angel and everyone else that Wesley was driving around thinking about the twisted relationship he and Angel were having did sound like a more plausible excuse.

"I get that we have to be careful, but feels weird hiding from the company we're supposed to be running," Gunn said.

"We're not hiding, we're being safe," Angel countered.

Wesley thought that it sounded suspiciously similar but knew when he should be keeping his mouth shut. Sometimes when Angel came to him at night it was like he was punishing Wesley for disobeying him during the daytime. Wesley learned when to keep his mouth shut, arguing with Angel wouldn't bode well for his still healing bruises.

"There are factions at Wolfram & Hart, people who want to see us destroyed." Angel finished.

Wesley was almost certain that Angel looked directly at him when he said that but he wasn't going to think more of it than Angel addressing each member of the group in turn.

"But still, it's not like everyone there's evil," Fred interrupted him. "I mean, we work with these people. Some of 'em I see more than I see you guys, at least lately, anyway."

"And you think you can trust him," Wesley asked angrily. He glanced over at Angel from the corner of his eye. Angel was looking at the ground. Wesley was in trouble, he knew it, could tell just by the way that Angel was standing. Talking back to Angel was one thing, but practically announcing that he still wanted Fred and was jealous of anyone else who was around her was something far worse. It was like broadcasting to Angel that Wesley didn't really care about him or something. It was the most hypocritical thing Wesley had ever seen but these were the rules and he had just broken a major one. "Them." Wesley tried to cover but it was a lame attempt.

"What?" Fred asked.

Wesley still hadn't let Angel move out of his peripheral vision; he knew he was digging himself into a deeper hole.

"These... people, the ones you're spending so much time with," Wesley said and turned his back to Angel. Angel was rocking on his feet, Wesley was in too deep to care. Wesley had started this; he had broken the rules and was currently digging himself into a deep hole so why not just finish it. "Knox, for example." He kept his back to them all, avoiding having to turn around and look at Angel. If Wesley had though that Angel tortured him before he knew he was in for so much worse the next time Angel showed up.

"Uh, we're, you know, heh heh, friendly, but he's under me... or, I'm on top of him. Professionally." Fred stuttered.

Wesley didn't know if her stuttering meant that she was affectionate towards Knox or if she was just flabbergasted by the question. The tiny second that Wesley had chanced to turn and look over his shoulder the look he got from Angel made him turn back around quickly. Angel was angry, very angry. Wesley didn't know if he should have taken that for a good sign, a sign that he maybe actually felt something for Wesley more than just a hole to fill, or as a bad sign.

"All I'm saying is he's not evil," Fred concluded.

"I think we're all agreed that the senior partners are," Angel cut in. He sounded angry; he spoke with the type of growl that Wesley usually heard in the bedroom, and when Angel talked next he looked right at Wesley. "They put us in charge for a reason what we need to know is... why?"

"We've only been there a month," Gunn stated.

"Turns out running a company doesn't leave a lot of time for, you know, covert ops." Fred said.

"Yeah, I'm up to my horns schmoozin' starlets and boozin' hipsters, Angel." Lorne quasi-complained.

Angel was staring at Wesley. What did Angel expect Wesley to say? Something like; 'You know what I do Angel, you're with me day and night, remember?'

"What about Gunn," Wesley decided to say.

"What about Gunn?" Gunn asked.

"It's... well, what they put in your head. All that law knowledge and whatever. Maybe you know something. More than the rest of us." Fred explained for Gunn.

"The alteration to your mental capacity-" Wesley began.

"My capacity's the same as it's always been. The good doctor just revved up some idlin' brain cells, set 'em in motion." Gunn said.

"It's a legitimate concern," Angel stepped in. Angel understood, sometimes it was eerie the way Angel seemed to know Wesley more than Wesley knew himself. "You gave them access to-"

"I made a deal. We all did. Seems like I'm the only one who's willing to accept that. Everybody here got something out of this." Gunn said testily.

"Fear, mistrust, a great motor pool," Angel said.

"I got the Nancy Sinatra collection," Lorne said, "original 45's."

"I did get a rather nice pen," Wesley said finally, "sterling. Has my name on it. Which is not the point at all."

"No, the point is what, that I'm some spy for the senior partners?" Gunn asked angrily.

"Nobody's saying that," Angel said.

"Just thinking it," Gunn snit.

This was quickly turning into a bitch fest and not the group meeting they had hoped it would. This isn't what Wesley had wanted when he'd agreed to come along.

"No, Charles..." Fred cooed.

"The point is," Angel said trying to break the tension, "the senior partners have a plan for us, and if we're not prepared-"

"Angel, it's not like we don't want to be ready. We just have, you know, plates... big, heaping, full plates." Fred explained.

"Between running our departments, handling clients, dealing with Spike-" Wesley started.

"Spike," Angel said loudly, "is a distraction. As soon as he's released from his ties from Wolfram & Hart-"

"That could take years," Wesley said interrupting Angel.

"Using the amulet to destroy the Hellmouth, it turned Spike into-" Fred began.

"A spook," Lorne finished for her.

"Well, h-he's more than a ghost," Fred explained. "He's something unique."

"Regardless, whatever binds him-" Wesley began.

"Can I borrow your pen?" Angel asked him suddenly.

"Huh? Uhh, sure," Wesley relented.

Wesley took out his pen; Angel took the pen and walked off into the woods without a second glance or an explanation. Angel didn't look at Wesley when he strode past and for a brief second Wesley thought Angel was only taking the pen to punish him. When Wesley had talked about the pen earlier he had sounded like he liked it a great deal. But there were worse things Angel could do to punish Wesley and if all he was going to do was take his pen then so be it.

"What should we do?" Fred asked speaking for everyone.

They all looked towards Wesley. It was an unspoken rule; if Angel were not around to dole out the orders then Wesley was the second in command. Wesley was the one who would fill in, in Angel's absence.

Wesley sighed and tore his eyes away from the edge of the woods where Angel had disappeared. "Go home. I'll stay here and wait for Angel to come back. Leave your mobiles on, if he needs you I'll get in touch." Wesley said easily.

They nodded and each walked towards their respective vehicles. Gunn nodded curtly at Wesley before driving away and Lorne smiled before doing the same. Fred stood at the door to her car and looked back at Wesley as if she were torn between leaving and staying to keep him company. Half of Wesley wanted her to stay but the thought of what Angel might do if he came back and found Wesley chatting her up was a horrifying one.

Wesley tried to reassure her with a big, fake, jubilant smile. She smiled feebly back at him, got into her car, started it up, and drove away. Wesley let out a soft sigh of relief. He didn't know if what he wanted more, to be with Fred or to be with Angel, and the confusion was driving him crazy. He liked Fred, had liked Fred, for some time. Angel, well Angel was a new feeling. He had always thought of Angel as a friend, if not family but now... now he felt that he would do anything to please Angel. Even if that meant staying far away from Fred, even if it meant turning Fred down if she offered herself to him.

Wesley heard crunching coming from the woods and looked over in time to see Angel come storming out. He paused and looked around noticing that everyone else was gone. "Where'd everyone go?" Angel asked annoyed.

"I thought," Wesley began and stuttered hopelessly then regained his composure, "I told them to go home but to be on the ready if you needed them."

Angel stared at Wesley, his dark brown eyes hiding whatever emotions he might be feeling from Wesley. Wesley dropped his eyes down to the ground, a response trained in him from his father, so he didn't see Angel when he swooped over to him. He didn't even know Angel was moving until Angel had Wesley pined against the picnic table and was inches away from his face.

"You thought," Angel repeated his previous statement.

"No," Wesley said stupidly.

The corner of Angel's mouth twitched up into a cold smirk. Angel's head dipped closer to Wesley's and Wesley closed his eyes, ready for Angel to claim him again as only Angel had ever been able to do, even before he had ever kissed Wesley. But the kiss never came. Instead Angel stepped back until there was at least two feet of space in between them.

"A girl," Angel said quickly. Wesley felt his cheeks burn. Angel didn't want to kiss him because he'd found a girl?! "She was being chased by a werewolf. I called the firm, they're sending a team down to come and get the one I killed but the girl ran away."

A noble cause. Wesley told himself he could handle being snubbed for a noble cause. "Should I call everyone back to Wolfram & Hart?" Wesley asked slipping easily back into work mode.

"Yes," Angel said and took another step away from Wesley and closer to his car, "and Wesley." Angel paused and Wesley felt he should acknowledge that he had heard Angel so Wesley nodded. "I won't come to you again."

Angel turned, walked quickly to his car, got in, and left Wesley standing there dumbfounded. If this was part of Angel's punishment for Wesley he had to hand it to Angel, it hurt. It sliced through him in a way he didn't know was possible. Even after Virginia, hell, even when the one girl in his college, that Wesley had almost married, said it was over it didn't hurt this bad.

Wesley stood there so long that he saw the lights shining from the pickup team's flashlights. One of them even came up to him and asked him to leave, or he might have told him he was going to kill him but Wesley wasn't paying attention. He was numb save for the burning, aching, void inside him. He called Fred, Gunn, and Lorne and was vaguely aware of telling them to meet up at Wolfram & Hart for a situation report. He made three identical calls and couldn't remember what was said during either of them.