Android Scam

A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic

Chapter Five – Welcome to the Club

Jenny, Brad, and a few other students stood in front of the open doorway of the gymnasium, staring out at what used to be the school ground.  Everything within two hundred yards of the school looked as if it had been covered with a gurgling layer of silver-green syrup.  Waves and waves of silver androids were sprinting towards the gym.  Thousands of faintly glowing green eyes bore down on their primary target – XJ-9.

Brad and Jenny slowly turned their heads towards each other.

"That," said Brad, "is a lot of robots."

"Everybody get away from the doors!!!" shouted Jenny.  "You too, Brad.  This is going to get nasty."

The sight of an army of charging Cluster androids did plenty to clear away the students.  Jenny extended her arms and activated the lasers in her palms; they'd worked pretty well in the cafeteria.  But she wanted a little something extra now.  A panel opened in the middle of her back, deploying and telescoping over her head into a fantastic particle beam weapon twelve feet long.  It hummed to life with a high-pitched whine, crackling with arcs of electricity.

When the first row of Cluster androids got to within twenty feet, Jenny opened fire.

The barrel of the particle beam glowed white hot.  Blue bolts of energy ripped into the first grouping of silver androids, with lethal results.  Androids flew apart into hundreds of tiny pieces.  Flaming globs of silver goo sprayed the ground and the outside wall of the gym, burning into charred black clumps.  The particle beam cut wide swaths into the advancing waves of Cluster robots.  Jenny joined in with her palm laser-blasts, picking off stragglers that she missed with her more powerful weapon.  Silver bodies flew into the air, sometimes intact, sometimes in pieces.  Sometimes the pieces would liquefy and start to rebuild a new android.  But some of the pieces simply sat burning, or inert.

Jenny allowed herself a confident smile.  Wow, Mom really did a great job on this thing, she thought.  With no power in the school, it was lighting up the inside of the gym like a strobe.  And she was holding the androids off.  They still came, though.  They charged headlong into Jenny's laser and particle fire with a chilling enthusiasm.  Mindless slaves, in the service of the Cluster.  Well, they're not getting past me.

Unfortunately, there was another set of double doors to the gym.

Jenny heard a loud crashing noise come from behind her, and shouts from the students.  She backed up a few steps and looked to her right, to see dozens and dozens of silver-green androids pouring through a wide hole in the south doors, which were almost completely dissolved away.  They scraped and slid a bit on the slick varnished hardwood, but most were barreling right for her at top speed.  Oh no.

She turned her arms to fire at the androids inside the gym … she wanted to avoid using the particle beam indoors if she could.  Once again, silver androids were catapulted into the air as Jenny's blasts landed.  But now her attention was divided into two directions, and she was having a hard time keeping track of two attacks at once …

That was when the doors from the hallway rippled into a silver-green paste and sloughed away like melting fudge.  The androids from the hallway, the front doors, and the cafeteria poured into the gym, spilling over each other, analyzing the gymnasium.  There were over two hundred Cluster androids inside the gym already, with more streaming in every second.

A large group of androids broke away from their attack on Jenny, and started approaching the students menacingly, backing them into the northwest corner of the gym.

Jenny looked over her shoulder in alarm.  "Guys!  Hold on!  I'll be right there!"

She backed away from the open doorway.  The Cluster androids were already inside the gym; there was no sense in trying to keep this bunch out.  Jenny ran sideways, trying to hold off legions of silver androids with her palm lasers, trying to reach her friends.  As soon as she stopped firing with her particle beam, a column of silver androids poured in through the open doors.

Jenny deactivated her beam weapons, and cracked open her elbow joints.  A long blade extended from each arm, unfolding and extending into a pair of ten-foot long machetes.  Jenny churned her arms furiously, sweeping her way through the crowd of androids in the gym.  Slices of silver android clattered to the floor and sailed into the air as Jenny made her way towards her friends, trying to defend them from Cluster enslavement.  It was really getting crowded in there now, what with the student body corralled off to one wall, and upwards of four hundred silver androids running in circles around Jenny, trying to formulate a plan of attack.

Suddenly Jenny was knocked off her feet by a blow from above.  Eight silver androids had jumped at her from the top of the wall, where a fresh hole to the outside had just been dissolved away, ushering in yet another group of invaders.  Jenny rolled on the floor, and instantly, fifty-five Cluster androids pounced, trying to immobilize her.

With a quick adjustment, Jenny's machetes converted into chainsaws, and revved up to full power.  She lashed out her left arm in a wide arc, filling the air with hundreds of metallic silver fragments, and dozens of mangled androids.  Back on her feet, she had to keep swinging her arms, left and right, to beat her way through the silver horde, trying to get between the students and the attackers.  Suddenly she felt half a dozen hands against her back.  She swung her right leg backwards, kicking two Cluster androids with such force that they sailed through the ceiling like bottle rockets.  More androids came at her from the front.  She swung her leg forward, converted it into a jackhammer, and started lunging with it.  Her attackers vibrated furiously and exploded into silver gravel.

Don't care how many there are.  I'm not giving up.

The Cluster androids surrounding the students started to shimmer, and stretch.  They started crossing and overlapping their arms and legs, transforming their android bodies into a living fence.  The student body was now imprisoned within a silver holding pen.  The Cluster had herded every human in the school to one spot, for easy collection.  An exercise in robotic efficiency.

And the androids were learning.  While they were mindlessly happy to rush into one of Jenny's withering attacks, they seemed to realize that attacking from many directions at once would eventually wear Jenny down.  Androids started leaping through the air, to attack her from above.  Androids further away from her would co-operate to toss still other androids at her, like a medieval catapult.

Jenny retracted her chainsaws and jackhammer, and deployed a pair of large steel mallets from her arms.  She cut through the air even faster now, with a frenzy borne of fury and desperation.  The heavy mallet head connected with android chests, android heads, android backs, with such speed that the gym was filled with a sound like machine gun fire.  Crushed and deformed androids sailed into the air almost as fast as fresh androids jumped back towards Jenny.  Puddles of shimmering silver-green sludge started to form on the gym's hardwood floor as the damaged Cluster androids paused to repair themselves, before rejoining the battle.

Jenny felt arms start to coil around her neck and back.  Frantically, she shrugged them off, spun around, and swung both mallet-hands over her head, coming down brutally on her android attackers.  The androids sprayed into a curtain of silver paste, but she instantly felt more arms coiling around her right arm and right leg.

Too many.  There's just too many … No way.  I'm not giving up.

Bright twin jets of flame blasted from her pigtails, and Jenny took to the air in the spacious gymnasium.  The roof was forty feet high in here.   She managed to peel off three androids from her back, launching them into the seething crowd like missiles.  Now that she was above the floor, she could get a good look at the situation.

The students were trapped in a living cage of silver, but didn't appear to be in any immediate danger.  Every square foot of space on the hardwood was covered by silver androids, all focused on her.  They were starting to climb the walls.  More androids poured in from both double-doors, and through four different holes in the south and east walls.  While she had destroyed hundreds in the past few minutes, the number of androids inside the gym only continued to grow.  There were currently six hundred and thirty-one.  On top of that, streams of silver-green goo were starting to drip down the walls, as the pipes were consumed by the nano-probes.  The scoreboard was starting to warp and melt.  Silver sludge was dripping from the ventilation ducts overhead …

The bottom of two ventilation shafts broke open, and dozens of silver androids dropped towards Jenny from above.  She was surprised momentarily, but weaved back and forth until she could unhinge her elbows to deploy two massive laser rifles.  Hovering with her pigtails, Jenny opened fire on the attack from the ceiling.  Bright white pulses of laser fire filled the air.  Androids shuddered and splattered into silver chunks, tumbling past Jenny to clatter against the floor below. 

The mob of androids on the floor continued their strategy of catapulting attackers at Jenny from all sides.  The androids on the walls were jumping off at her, like huge silver insects.  And the androids beneath her could either leap up to grab onto her legs, or extend tentacle-arms to try and haul her back down to the floor.  New waves of androids dropped from the ceiling.  She was being assaulted from every direction.

All right.  That's enough.  Jenny split open her pale blue leg housings, deploying an additional pair of huge plasma cannons that were bigger than the laser rifles on her arms.  She opened up with everything she had.  Blasts of laser and plasma ripped through the air, knocking androids into the walls, splitting them into pieces, shattering them into smoking debris.  The room pulsed with yellow and orange flashes, and a deafening roar of laser fire and shattered metal filled the room.  Jenny started to rotate in mid-air, firing in all directions, up and down, three hundred and sixty degrees, until she was a barely visible pale blue blur, dishing out a staggering amount of scorching firepower.  The silver Cluster androids were cut down in the hundreds.  They started to fall back.  Jenny was gaining the upper hand …

But that was when she heard the first crack.

In her desperation and excitement, she forgot about the actual building itself.  In a short amount of time, it had suffered an astonishing amount of damage from her weapons, and from the feeding nano-probes.  The wall surfaces that were not covered with dripping silver goo were scarred black with laser and plasma strikes.  So was the ceiling.  And a small crack in the ceiling, directly above the trapped students, grew rapidly larger.

Suddenly, a fifteen-foot slab broke loose and fell from the ceiling.  The students screamed and tried to shield themselves, but could barely move.

"Oh, no!!!  They'll be crushed!!!"  With amazing speed, Jenny retracted her lasers, sped over to the holding pen, and caught the debris.

But that short break in her defense was all the androids needed.  Ninety-six Cluster androids leapt off of the wall, knocking her and the roof debris to the middle of gym floor.

Silver arms wrapped around her torso, her neck, her legs.  She managed to knock a few away, but hundreds of androids were waiting for her on the floor.  Androids coiled themselves around Jenny's legs and then drove their own arms and legs into the floor, turning into restraints.  Androids wrapped tentacle-arms around Jenny's arms, immobilizing her.  Still more androids – hundreds of them – stretched and intertwined their bodies into living steel cables, securing her arms to the walls and ceiling.  Androids even molded their arms into plugs for her pigtail-jets.  Jenny grimaced and struggled, trying to find some degree of freedom in her living silver shackles.  But whenever she tried to break the pull of the silver Cluster swarm, the strain started to crack the walls of the gym.  Jenny was extremely strong, and would have eventually broken free, even from the grip of nine hundred and fourteen androids.  But not without pulling the gym down on top of her, and the trapped students.

She sighed, and stopped struggling.  Jenny managed to glance over towards the students, packed tight like sardines in their Cluster cage.  They knew Jenny was their only hope against the invaders, and now that hope was lost.  A few sobs drifted from the crowd.

"Sorry, guys," said Jenny, her pigtails drooping.

Among the student prisoners, Brad was pressed up against the fence.  He had watched every second of his friend's amazing fight.  "You were awesome, Jen," he said, trying to smile.

Jenny tried to smile back, but couldn't.  She knew she was in serious trouble.

The echo of a pair of metal claws, slowly clapping, filled the gym.

"Well, Brah-vooo, that was quite a display, XJ-9," said a loud, metallic, sarcastic voice.

Omicron Twelve strolled casually into the gymnasium from the hallway, in no particular hurry, and clasped his claws behind his back.  He glanced around at the destruction, looking a bit bored.  Stanley sped in right behind him, with his cranium-lights flashing, and actively working his remote control with all six of his hands.

The tall red insectoid strolled arrogantly up to Jenny, pinching her cheek.  "Gotten all of that out of our system, have we?  Hmmm?  Ready to come to our senses?"

Jenny yanked her face away, giving Omicron a hateful look that could've burned through a cinder block.

Stanley glanced around the gym, looking very impressed.  "Sweet Mother of Asimov!"  He whistled.  "You really tore this place up, little lady!  Let's see … eight minutes and forty-two seconds.  I have to admit, you gave my nano-probe army more than I bargained for.  By my calculations, you should have been captured over sixty-five seconds ago.  I never thought you would go past eight minutes.  Never."

Omicron grinned smugly at Stanley, who rolled his eyes.  "All right, all right, I guess I owe you ten bucks."

Jenny growled at them, with a bit of fear and a lot of fury.  "I'll NEVER join the Cluster.  NEVER."

Omicron chuckled.  "Well, it's not exactly like you have a choice."

He turned to walk towards the students, staring down to intimidate them.  "Yechhh.  This is the scrawniest batch yet.  Humans, let this be a lesson to you.  In all the known universe, none are more powerful than the Cluster."

He slowly paced, strutting in front of his prisoners.  "The noble robot is naturally a more advanced form of life than miserable meat puppets like yourselves.  And the Cluster is the highest achievement of robotkind in the galaxy.  Once XJ-9 understands this, we will welcome her into the Cluster family, and she will rule over you like a queen.  A queen … loyal to Queen Vexus, of course.

Hundreds of silver-green androids continued to walk and crawl around the gym, staring at their masters with featureless green eyes.  Even with Jenny immobile, extra androids approached her to add their strength to her bonds.  The Cluster wasn't taking any chances this time.

Omicron Twelve and Stanley, flanked by a dozen silver Cluster androids, strolled over to stand a few feet from Jenny.  The Warrior Commander held out one of his arms, producing a small yellow box.

Jenny strained in her android-arm bonds, enough that flakes of plaster started to drift from cracks in the ceiling.  "You can't hold me forever!"

Omicron reached into the box and pulled out a small, black-and-yellow robot wasp.  "We only need to hold you for fifteen seconds."

Jenny tried to move her head away, but twenty-six silver hands clamped on to hold it steady.  More silver androids approached to fully immobilize her.

Omicron held the wasp out for Jenny to see, and then dropped it on top of her head.

"No!" she squealed.

"Now it just has to gain access to your internal systems.  Hmmm.  The eye sockets?  Maybe the mouth?"

Jenny slammed her eyelids and held her mouth closed, as tight as she could.  She could feel the Cluster wasp walking around the top of her head, looking for a way inside … Ewww … ewww … ewww …

"Ah yes, there is a seam on the back of her neck.  That'll do nicely."

"Never … join … never …"

The robotic insect crawled down her metal cheek.

Jenny felt the clickety-clickety-click of its tiny legs on the back of her neck …

Then it was gone.

Jenny was cringing, expecting the worst, expecting some Cluster signal to start broadcasting instructions into her brain immediately, turning her into a drooling robot slave.

But she didn't feel differently at all.

She cracked open her eyes.  What's going on?

Omicron Twelve and Stanley had the same look on their faces as well.  Omicron was confused, and was shouting at Stanley.  "What are you doing?  What do you think you're doing?"

Stanley was madly working every control on his handheld remote.  "I'm not doing anything!  This doesn't make any sense!!!"

Standing between Jenny and the two Cluster robots was a single, shimmering silver-green android.  And in its hand was the little yellow robot wasp – that it had just picked off of Jenny's neck.

The silver android was behaving strangely, almost as if it was having convulsions.  It shivered, and heaved, and closed its green eyes, as if in pain.  Its mouth was twisted into a snarl.  Wait a second – its mouth?

The silver android heaved one more time and … spat.

Jenny couldn't help herself.  "Ewww … excuse you."  Too weird.

The silver android was now holding two little yellow-and-black robot wasps, their legs wriggling madly, in its hand.  It made a fist, and with a wonderful crunching sound, it ground the little demons into smears of metal flakes.

Then it turned its head, a head with a mouth and pale green eyes – eyes with pupils in them.  It spoke to Jenny, slowly.  A single word.  "Remote."

She was dumbstruck.  What is that supposed to mean?

The silver face repeated itself.  "Remote."

Jenny glanced at Omicron Twelve and Stanley, who were now very agitated and upset, bickering amongst themselves.  "Get the link back!  What's wrong with that stupid thing?  Boost the signal!"

She looked back to the strange silver android.  Its mouth turned into a tired smile.

"We androids … have to look out for each other … right?"

Her mouth dropped open.  "Drew?"

The two Cluster robots started to argue loudly now, snapping Jenny's attention back to her predicament.  He said "Remote."  Remote?  Where have I heard that …

Time seemed to slow down, and Jenny remembered a conversation from the day before.

"So, all these radio waves beaming at our school are for what, exactly?" asked Brad.  "A Cluster radio station?"

"Most certainly not," answered Mom.  "They are most likely some form of remote control signal."

A remote control signal … Mom was picking up their remote control signal yesterday!  Mom was right all along!  Oh, BROTHER.  She's NEVER going to let me hear the end of this.  I can hear her now.  'I told you so, young lady.'  'Always listen to your mother, XJ-9!'  Aaarrrgh.

Jenny looked back towards Omicron and Stanley, who were paying more attention to Stanley's remote control than they were to her.  His remote control … does he actually control every single one of these Cluster zombie creeps with that thing?  Is that what 'remote' means?

Jenny squinted, and her eyes grew red-hot.  A beam of energy shot out of her eyes and blasted the remote control out of Stanley's hands, searing them in the process.  The complex controller broke into flaming pieces of metal and plastic, and crumbled to the floor.

Stanley screamed in anguish.  "NOOOO!!!"

He spun around in circles, waving his burning hands in the air.  Omicron Twelve looked completely lost, and more than a little nervous.

Throughout the gymnasium, one thousand, six hundred and eight-eight pairs of silver android eyes dimmed to a dull green, and looked … confused.  The silver androids stood around idly, suddenly without orders or instructions.  Jenny could see it on their faces, and she could feel it in the slight slackening of their collective grip …

"HI-YAAAAHHH!!!"

With a triumphant yell, Jenny drove her arms free of the hundreds of androids imprisoning her, sending silver bodies tumbling through space like dandelion seeds.  The androids who had coiled together to form the living cables simply and stupidly fell to the floor with a crash that shook the whole gym.  Hundreds of silver-green androids clanged off of the walls.  Her arms now free, Jenny cracked open her elbows and deployed another set of blades that expanded into a pair of long samurai swords.  With a blur of swift strikes, she broke free of her leg restraints, and jumped into the air, sending even more androids flying in the process.  She somersaulted and landed five feet in front of Omicron Twelve and Stanley, in a fighting pose and a mood for payback.

"You know, guys, I guess I just haven't gotten it all out of my system," she grinned.

Omicron Twelve and Stanley stopped arguing.  They turned and stared.  Stanley's cranium lights stopped flashing.

"Ho boy."

Jenny swung her right arm with blinding speed and brought it to a stop one-half inch from Stanley's stunned face.  "Bring him back," she ordered.

Stanley, still waving his blackened fingers, stammered with confusion.  "Bring who back?  I don't know what you're talking about!  Aaaarrghh, how did this happen?"

"Insolent young robot!" bellowed Omicron Twelve.  "Nobody gives orders to the Cluster!!!"  A panel on his massive right forearm opened, deploying a twin-barreled energy weapon that was humming to life.

Schwick!

Jenny just smiled at Omicron Twelve.  He didn't understand why until he saw the lower half of his right arm, weapon and all, neatly slide off and crash to the floor.  Electricity crackled from both halves of his severed limb.

"Ahhhhh … technically, nobody gives us orders, but, it's always a pleasure to talk to a fine young robot like yourself, miss.  Heh-heh.  Please continue."

"Thank you."  Jenny turned back to the Cluster scientist.  "You created these monsters.  Now you can un-create them and bring Drew back."

Stanley huffed and waved his six arms at jenny.  "Drew?  Wha – you mean the naked monkey with the metal peg-leg?  You silly robot!  Haven't you been listening?"  Jenny lightly tapped Stanley's body with the tip of her sword, cutting off the tip of a small antenna.  "Silly?  I meant charming!  Charming young robot!  You know, if I had a daughter, I'd want her to be a spunky little minx like you …"  Jenny's eyes told him I'm starting to lose my patience.

Stanley tried to gather himself.  "Look, I told you kid, he's gone.  Kaput.  The nano-probes converted him.  They can't un-eat him any more than one of your little human friends can un-eat a tuna sandwich.  It's a moot point, anyway.  Their software seems to be corrupted.  They stopped responding to the signal.  The system is about to crash."

"What do you mean, crash?"

Stanley continued, wiggling his fingers.  "My nano-probes are little smarties, but, the Cluster, ehh, we're not really big on independent thinking, free will, that sort of thing.  So the remote control signal allowed me to give orders to the androids.  We wanted to make sure that they were only doing what we wanted them to do.  And now, thanks to you, Miss Heat Vision, that signal has been cut off.  The nano-probes …" Stanley mourned, "… oh, my beautiful little nano-probes … without a command signal, they're going to activate their safeties."

"And what does that mean?" demanded Jenny.

The floor begin to gently shake with a faint vibration.  The background noise of slurping ooze seemed to change.  From a distance, outside the school, they head a hiss, and a low rumble.

Stanley sped to the open doors of the gym, startling Jenny with his boldness.  Omicron Twelve lurched over behind him.  Jenny followed them both, keeping an eye on the two Cluster invaders, and to see what the strange noise was coming from outside.

The silver nano-ooze had spread to cover several acres in shimmering silver-green sludge.  But now, the ooze was boiling and bubbling, gurgling frantically, shooting thin tendrils into the air that plopped harmlessly back to earth.  The entire surface of the lake no longer rolled with thick waves of syrupy goo; instead, it seethed with a chaos of silver-white froth.  Thousands of silver-green androids stood motionless, staring in random directions with dull gray eyes.  A low, dull rumble seemed to come from all directions, from the far outside edge of the nano-probe's expanse.

The nano-probes frothed a bright yellow, with a sound that could almost pass for a shriek, and collapsed into a coarse gray ash.  A thin curtain of dust drifted up from the boundaries of the school property, as the nano-probes started to commit mass suicide.  A thin strip of yellow started to flow over the nano-ooze like a wave, with a high-pitched hiss, turning shiny silver fluid into inert gray sand.  The yellow strip rushed towards the school.

Stanley waved his six blackened hands in the air.  "Oh, no, no, noooo … all that work for nothing!!!"

Omicron Twelve punched Stanley in the back of the head.  "Well, that's just great.  Way to go, 'most highly evolved robotic intelligence known to the galaxy'."

The yellow stripe roared closer to the school, leaving a thick layer of sandy gray ash behind it.  The rumbling and vibrations grew a little stronger.  The stripe washed over the football bleachers, turning them from oozing silver to gray ash, and they collapsed to the ground with a hiss like a sand castle.  The thick deep lake, where the parking lot used to be, went next, seething and frothing into ash with a spine-curdling scream.  The streetlights, the backstop on the ball field, any structure of nano-probes collapsed into a gray sand dunes.  Silver androids shuddered briefly as the yellow stripe washed over them, then frothed into a  bright yellow and turned to ash, falling into the gray carpet now covering the ground.

Omicron Twelve grabbed Stanley's head in his massive left claw and took a few steps backward from the door.  "Well, there's six months' research budget down the old recycling tubes.  All right, we're out of here.  Farewell, XJ-9!!!  Mark my words, one day, you will join the Cluster!  One day soon!!!"  He pressed a button on his torso, and the two Cluster robots were enveloped in crackling, purple sphere of energy.  They started to dematerialize before Jenny's eyes.

"The Queen is going to nail my chassis to the wall for this one," moaned Omicron Twelve.

Stanley obsessed over his burned hands.  "Oy, I'll never play the piano again."

They faded into nothingness, and with one last flash of bright purple light, and a spiraling blast of wind, the Cluster invaders were gone.

The nano-probes were flashing into coarse soot in all directions.  The yellow stripe was more like a giant ring around the school, and it was shrinking towards the gym.  The walls, furniture, and tables in the cafeteria flashed into froth and sunk into a layer of gray sand.  A sound like a hissing wave rushed through the hallways as the nano-probes flashed into yellow foam, leaving harmless piles of soot and ash behind.

The walls of the gym started to shake along with the floor, and the rumbling drew closer.  The students exchanged looks of renewed concern.  With the Cluster robots gone, Jenny ran back towards the middle of the gym, weaving her way through silver Cluster androids that simply ignored her now.  She stopped to look for one android in particular – the only one with eyes and a mouth, that had saved her from the robot wasp.  It was motionless like the other hundreds of silver androids.  But she could see a touch of fear in its eyes.

Suddenly, the hissing noise filled the gymnasium as the yellow stripe contracted towards the crowd of androids.  Hundreds of androids frothed into a foam with a bright yellow flash, and collapsed into piles of sandy soot, covering the hardwood of the gym with a layer two feet thick.  Androids clinging to the walls sloughed into ash and flowed to the floor.  Gray sandy ash poured from the overhead ventilation ducts.  The yellow stripe washed over the living cage holding the students, which foamed, and blew into the air as a shower of sand.  Students tumbled forwards into the sooty residue, released from their brief stint as prisoners.

And the remainder of the silver androids foamed and flashed yellow, as the Cluster safety shutdown finally ran to completion.  One by one, pillars of gray sandy ash collapsed to the floor.  Jenny watched the android in front of her froth a bright yellow, and turn into a statue of light grey ash, which blew into the air –

No, only a thin layer of dust from the surface of the android, which looked a little different now.

Jenny gazed in amazement.

A six-foot humanoid figure stood in front of her, its color a mix of light and dark grays.  A few dull green stripes ran over its surface, in jagged patterns, like a circuit board.  And its face looked almost human, with a nose, mouth with clenched teeth, and two eyes tightly closed shut.  A swath of dark gray metal on top of its head suggested hair.  The face looked familiar.

The android shuddered slightly, its eyes opened with a faint green glow, and it spoke.

"Reboot Complete!  Thank you for using Android OS 2000.  Good-bye!"

Then the glow faded away, leaving a pair of white eyes with black pupils.

The android blinked, looking rather stunned.

"Drew?" asked Jenny, softly.

The android blinked a few more times.

"I think so."

The students started to walk and run around the gym, stomping through gray sand, kicking it in the air, shouting with joy.  A large group, led by Brad, surrounded Jenny, patting her on the back and shoulders, filling the gym with cheers of  "Way to go!" and "You da bomb!"

A look of relief came over Drew's face.  "Ohhhh … the voices are gone.  Oh, my freaking head."  He rubbed his forehead, then held his hands – his new hands – in front of him, turning them over, inspecting them with a stunned look on his face.  He made a fist and gently rapped the side of his head.  Sure enough – the sound of metal on metal.

Jenny grabbed Drew by the shoulders – he looked like he would faint in shock at any moment.  "Drew?  You okay?  What do you remember?"

"All of it."  He gulped, hard.  "I think I'd like to sit down for a minute.  Unfortunately … I think I ate all the chairs."

Brad eased his hands into his pockets, looking around the inside of the remains of the gym.  You could see outside through nine different holes in the walls and the ceiling.  And as bad as it was, it was essentially the only room in the school left standing.  Bits and pieces of debris continued to drop to the ground, kicking up fine gray dust that drifted lightly in the air.

He smiled at Jenny.  "So, think we'll get off early today?"

Drew was lying flat on a metal table, staring up at an intimidating device that glowed and crackled with orange arcs of electrical discharge.  Motors whined, tilting a long metal probe to point directly at his head.  A droning hum increased in volume, filling the basement of the Wakeman home.  "Um, Dr. Wakeman, not that I don't appreciate this and all, but … is this thing safe?"

"Please!  It's perfectly safe," she answered, as she dropped the large black goggles over her eyes.  Then she put on a safety helmet, pulled on a pair of thick, heavy leather gloves, and stepped behind a thick metal panel labeled Blast Shield.  "All right, here we go!"  She flipped a knife switch, beneath a sign reading Danger High Voltage, and a deep thrummm echoed in the room.

"No phone call from the governor, I guess."  Drew gulped as the probe shone with a brilliant white light, spitting off bolts of electricity.  The probe fired a bright scanning beam that swept over the length of Drew's metallic body, head to feet and back again.  Sort of feels like I'm in a giant copy machine.  Made of a million needles.

"There," said Mrs. Wakeman, removing her safety equipment, "now that wasn't so bad, was it?  Honestly, you teenagers are so melodramatic."

Drew slid up, blinking from the lights, and sat on the edge of the table.  He pointed at a large video display on the wall.  "Is that what I look like on the inside?"

Mrs. Wakeman was already studying the full body scan.  The image looked like an x-ray, but Drew's insides appeared flowing and featureless.  There was a kind of structure, but it spread throughout his body like a honeycomb, rather than a skeleton, or a chassis.  Strong and flexible.  No bones, no organs, no muscles.  No gears, no pumps, no motors.

"Fascinating," she mumbled.  "Variable atomic structure.  Distributed energy generation.  Non-centralized molecular computing."  She rubbed her hands together with glee.  "Oh, I feel like a little girl on Christmas morning!  When XJ-9 asked me to help discover what had happened to you, Andrew, I had no idea it would involve the latest Cluster technology!  The research possibilities are endless!  Now where to begin, where to begin …"

The basement door opened, and heavy footsteps clanked down the stairs.  Jenny was carrying a large wooden crate on one shoulder that had to weigh at least five hundred pounds.  "Mom?  I'm back.  I got that spare part for your cyclotron that you asked for."

Mrs. Wakeman was going through reams of data on one of her computer screens, excitedly jotting down notes on a clipboard.  "Hmm?  Oh, thank you XJ-9, just set that down anywhere."  She turned back to her computers.

Jenny dropped the crate to the floor.  "Hey, Drew!  So, how's the examination going?"

"Check it out," said Drew, pointing to the video display.  "I'm a six-foot blob of metallic pizza dough."

"Let's just take a closer look now, shall we?"  Mrs. Wakeman picked up a thin metal wand and walked over next to Drew.  "Just extend your pinkie finger, if you please, Andrew."

Drew stuck out the pinkie on his right hand, a bit wary.  "O-kay."

Mrs. Wakeman clicked a button on the metal wand, and a glowing, six-inch energy blade leapt out.  With a quick flick of her wrist, she sliced off Drew's pinkie finger, catching it with a sample dish in her other hand.  A moment of horror flashed on Drew's face, until he saw the smoldering stub of his finger shimmer and turn a shiny silver.  A thin silver-green blob oozed out of the stub, forming into a new finger.  In five seconds, his hand was restored to normal.

Drew stared, a little stunned, at Mrs. Wakeman.  "Doc, I'm going to assume you knew that was going to happen."

"I had a ninety-two percent confidence level," she answered.  "Now, I'm just going to run this nano-probe sample through the quantum microscope.  Don't go anywhere!"  She shuffled off to a different part of the basement.

Jenny pointed at Drew's hand.  "Wow.  That was a neat trick."

"Yeah," said Drew, "it's a good thing I seem to be built to take punishment."

"So how are you holding up?"

"Well, your mom's scanned me, electrocuted me, irradiated me, sampled me … like I said, it's a good thing I seem to be built to take punishment."

"No, no," giggled Jenny.  Then her face turned serious.  "I mean, how are you doing?"

"Oh.  Well, I feel … pretty good, I guess."

"You okay?"

"Yeah … yeah, sure."

"Okay," said Jenny.  I guess he just doesn't want to talk about it..  "Well … that's good, then."

They were silent for a few awkward seconds.

Then Drew sighed, and took a deep breath.  "Yesterday, I was pretty freaked out.  When I got home … my mom and dad took it pretty hard.  Can hardly blame them.  After mom finally unlocked the bathroom door and came out, they said we should go to the doctor.  We went to the hospital, and the doctor said I should go to a mechanic.  We went to a garage, and the mechanic said I should go to an exorcist."

"Ouch," said Jenny.  "That's pretty harsh."

"Couldn't sleep last night.  I just laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking.  Wondering if I was even still 'Drew'.  Wondering why this had to happen to me.  Basically, feeling sorry for myself.  And that's when I realized that, even with this nano-whatzit business, nothing was really any different.  Nothing had changed.  There I was, feeling sorry for myself, like I have every day of my life, since the accident.  When I lost my leg."

"But … that had to be pretty tough."

"Yeah, it was, but did it give me the right to be a jerk?  And shoot my mouth off?"  Drew lowered his head, ashamed.  "And … lie to a friend to trick her into taking care of two thugs?  And hurt her feelings?  Jenny … I never really did finish my apology.  I lied to you, and I was selfish, and it was a cruddy thing to do to a pretty decent person.  I don't know why you got your mom to help me out."

Jenny smiled, flattered that Drew had used the word person instead of robot.  "Aw, Drew … it's no biggie.  I was feeling a little sorry for myself, too.  Sometimes it's just hard to be the only robot at school, and when I heard the kids call you 'Android', well, I didn't feel quite so alone."

Drew smiled back at her.  "That's how I felt after the ball game.  It was just nice to know that there was one other person at school who knew what it felt like to be made of metal."

He chuckled, and rapped his fist against Jenny's shoulder, then his own, each time making a soft metallic clang.  "Now more than ever."

They both smiled silently at each other, feeling not quite so alone anymore.

"And besides …"  He laughed, lifted his legs – both of them – and wiggled his feet.  "One.  Two.  Un.  Deux.  Uno.  Dos."

Jenny put a hand on his shoulder.  "I'm glad you're okay."

Drew grinned.  "Better watch that.  I haven't had dinner yet."

Jenny snatched her hand away.  "Yipes! … Augh, why you –"

Then they were both startled, by loud footsteps spilling down the basement stairs.  Brad ran down, with Tuck a few steps behind him, looking nervous.

"Come on, Jenny, what's the hold-up?" asked Brad.  "Everybody's headed over to Mezmer's."

"Hey, Brad," she answered.  "Just had to run a quick errand for Mom."

"Brad, I don't think we should be down here … WHOA!"  Tuck gasped at Drew.  "Jenny's mom built another freaky robot!!!"

Jenny glanced towards Drew, and giggled.  "Awww, that's what he used to call me."

Brad ignored his little brother, and looked around at the fantastic machinery in Mrs. Wakeman's basement lab.  "Ni-i-i-ce setup your mom has down here, Jen."  Then he noticed Drew, still sitting on the examination table.  "Hey, Drew!  So what's the story?"

"Hey, Brad," said Drew.  "Is that your little brother Tuck?"

"You mean the small, pathetic creature clinging to my pant leg?  Yup."

Drew waved.  "Hey, little dude."

Tuck peeked out from behind Brad's leg.  "Keep your distance, abomination."

"And … nice to meet you too.  Well, Brad, you know those frogs we cut up in biology class?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm starting to feel like one of them."

From the far corner of her lab, Mrs. Wakeman made her way back to the examination table.  "Oh, please.  I sliced off one little finger.  Well, I'm finished with it.  Here."  She held out the sample tray with Drew's severed digit.

Drew smirked at Brad and Tuck.  "Watch this, guys."

Drew touched the metal fragment with his index finger, which started to shimmer silver-green.  The metal turned into a thick liquid, and flowed into Drew's hand.

Tuck's jaw nearly dropped off his face.  "Whoa.  She's feeding it!"

"Oh, this is simple self-repair," continued Mrs. Wakeman.  "The nano-probes are capable of performing metamorphic activity!"

Drew raised a puzzled eyebrow.  "They what now?"

"Observe!  First, we provide stimulation."  Mrs. Wakeman reached into her lab coat, and pulled a metal baton with a forked tip.  She jabbed Drew in the leg, and the prongs beeped, flashing a pale violet.

Drew's body exploded outward with a schlorrrp into a surreal spiral of thick, silver coils.  His head disappeared, folding into his body, which stretched out into a thin wide sheet.  The whole silver mess collapsed to the floor, covering everybody and everything in thick strands of silver-green taffy.

"AAAAIIIIGHHH!!!" screamed Tuck.  "It's EATING ME!!!"  His little arms thrashed around frantically, trying to brush off the silver.

But no sooner had everyone started to pick themselves out of the silvery mess than it retracted off of them, quickly withdrawing back towards the table into an pear-shaped blob.  It twisted, stretched and oozed until it regained humanoid form, then shimmered a bit, until once again Drew was sitting on the table … looking like he had just stepped off a roller coaster.

Drew glared at Mrs. Wakeman.  "GEEZ, Doc!!!  You wanna maybe give me a little warning before you do something like that again?!?"

She simply jotted notes down on her clipboard.  "Variable ductile properties.  Interesting ..."

Brad smoothed out his vest.  "O-kay, that was disturbing.  Anyway, like I said, Jen, everybody's headed over to Mezmer's.  We're throwing a little 'we're-not-slaves' party, and we can't start without you.  You saved everybody in the whole school!"

"Wow, a party sounds great!" said Jenny.  "But I couldn't have done it without Drew.  I thought I was a Cluster zombie for sure, until you destroyed that disgusting little wasp robot."

"Yeah," said Brad, scratching his chin.  "How did you do that, anyway, Drew?  I thought you were being mind-controlled or something."

"I was," explained Drew.  "It was too weird.  My head was filled with voices, telling me what to do, and I couldn't resist them.   But when there was a whole mess of androids in the gym, it was like … man, I don't know.  It was like I was able to concentrate on the one single android with the wasp and ignore the voices for a few seconds.  I don't know how."

"Well I would think the answer would be quite obvious," said Mrs. Wakeman.  "The Cluster nano-probes were designed to infect and overtake XJ-9's electronic mind.  But when they infected you, instead of a highly tuned precision computer, they found a random, disorganized, chaotic, teenage brain.  The most unmanageable thing in the known universe."

Mrs. Wakeman continued taking notes, oblivious to the nasty stares she was getting.

Jenny broke up the silence.  "So Mom – can I go to the party?  Come on, please?"

Her mother tapped a pencil to her chin.  "Well, I suppose.  After all, I'm probably going to be busy down here for another five or six hours.  Just remember to monitor your remote alarm."  She gave Jenny a nasty look.  "And leave it turned on this time."

"Sure thing, Mom, whatever.  All right, guys, let's go!"

Jenny, Brad and Tuck stomped up the stairs, heading for the celebration downtown.

Drew turned to Mrs. Wakeman.  "Five or six hours?"

"Hmmm?" she said.  "Oh, maybe less, maybe more.  We need to discover the properties of your artificial body, for your own safety.  The sooner we get started, the sooner we finish.  You cannot put a time limit on scientific pursuit!"

Drew sighed, and laid back down on the table.  "All right.  What's next?"

Mrs. Wakeman snapped a dark welder's mask over her face.  "Thermal conductivity tests!"  She held up a torch, pulled the trigger, and a five-foot long tongue of flame blasted into the air.

Drew stared, dumbstruck, as the flame lit her face with an eerie flickering light, then groaned in resignation, rolling his eyes.

"Doc, I think this could be the beginning of a dysfunctional friendship."

THE END