Disclaimer: I do not own "Lilo & Stitch" or any of the characters therein.

CHAPTER FOUR:
SPRING BREAK

When Jumba did not come up for breakfast the next morning, Lilo wanted to go down to the lab and check on him, but Nani told her that might not be such a good idea. When asked why, Nani blushed, remembering the night before.

"Because he's got… some very important… samples to collect," she told her, picking her words carefully because she couldn't tell her the truth, but did not want to lie to her own sister, either. "…And he really shouldn't be bothered until after he's… done." That last word caught in her throat and she gagged a little on it. Lilo, however, was not to be put off by this excuse not to go pester her 'uncle.'

"Maybe I can help him!" she said thoughtfully, and Nani paled.

"No, no, Lilo, you'd better just stay up here for now and wait till he comes up for lunch. Jumba gave specific orders not to be disturbed right now, and you know how grumpy he gets when you disobey him."

"He's really not so bad," Lilo said as she turned to go into the living room. "At least he's never called ME a monkey's cousin… probably because I don't resemble one as much as YOU do!"

Nani growled as Lilo disappeared down the hall.

"So, what's the old groobler up to down there?" Pleakley asked from the sink where he was busy washing dishes. Nani, who was sitting at the table, got up to get another cup of coffee.

"Oh, just the usual top-secret perverted stuff," she told him, draining the coffeepot and returning to the table.

"Perverted?" Pleakley turned and gave her a curious look.

Nani hesitated. "Umm, yeah, you know… all that… mysterious stuff he does while we're not looking. Shameful things, most likely." She stopped herself before she could let slip the hair-raising secret she knew. Pleakley finished up the dishes and pulled up a chair, sitting down opposite her.

"Oh, you mean that stuff he does at night when he thinks we're all asleep. I gotcha!" He gave her a wink and a smirk that told her more than she needed to know. "I never say anything, though. I just go right on pretending I'm asleep. I know I would just die of embarrassment if someone found out I was - umm - well - you know," Pleakley blushed pink. "And I'm not saying I actually DO that sort of thing, because I DON'T, but just for the record, I can imagine how embarrassed I'd be if anyone knew that I was, which I'm not, but - you get the picture. And THAT'S why I don't yell at him to get his own room or learn some self-control!"

Nani stared wide-eyed at the alien sitting across from her, looking very much like a deer caught in the headlights of a car.

"So… are you saying he does this every night?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, well, I wouldn't say every night…" Pleakley blushed again. "It used to be only on rare occasions, but lately he's been flogging the ol' trog just about every chance he gets! I think he misses his ex-wife, Yeti."

"Yezzy," Nani corrected him.

"Right. I mean, he talks about her in his sleep, and I think he keeps a picture of her under his mattress, along with a few other questionable items I needn't mention. Personally, I think he just misses females in general."

Pleakley's eye twitched at the thought of his roommate's 'magazine collection' which, besides all the ones he had brought with him from Turo, actually included one that featured Earth women. Jumba's explanation for that had been simple and quickly devised: As a geneticist, he was merely interested in them as a sort of study guide for human anatomy, and nothing more. When Pleakley had asked him why he didn't have any magazines with men in them, he had an explanation for that as well. "There are plenty of men pictured in Earth magazine. You see three vith this voman right here!" and the image he had held up for Pleakley to see still haunted the one-eyed alien from time to time.

"Well, so long as you already know about it, I'm going to let you in on a little secret," Nani said, dropping her voice and cupping a hand around one side of her mouth. She paused for a moment, giving a quick sideways glance toward the living room, making sure that certain sets of ears weren't listening.

"When I went down there last night, he was -ummm - well, I think you can guess what he was up to down there. In his lab, I mean. Now, I didn't walk in on anything, because he was - ahem - already finished, but he had this little glass vial with his - his - stuff inside. I couldn't believe he was actually saving it! He wouldn't tell me what for, though. Now, don't you think that's a little bizarre, even for him?"

Pleakley looked at her, an expression of mild disgust mixed with fascination on his face. "Well, normally I'd say nothing's too bizarre for Jumba, and I know the kinds of things he does to amuse himself, but THAT was way more than I needed to know about him!!!" He got up from the table and waddled off toward the living room. "Oh, and thanks for ruining my Sunday!" he shouted back over his shoulder to Nani.

* * * *

The sun was setting by the time Jumba came back to the house, though he did not come up from the direction of his lab. Instead, he came bursting through the front door, a look of triumph on his face as he laughed loudly and stumbled toward the couch, which he fell upon with such force that two of its legs gave in. He was making such a ruckus that Pleakley came stomping out of the kitchen in the middle of preparing a soufflé in order to shut him up. What he saw sitting on the broken sofa made his jaw drop. Jumba was wearing a grass skirt, three or four flower leis around his neck, and no shirt, and there was a circular target painted over his bulbous stomach in red paint, and he was covered in remnants of raw eggs and various produce. He put his massive feet up and reclined on the couch, still chuckling to himself as he picked up the remote and began flipping channels on the TV. The urge to yell at him drained quickly from Pleakley's mind, and now as he approached him nervously he caught a strong whiff of tequila and frowned. His courage returning once more, Pleakley planted himself firmly in front of Jumba, obscuring his view of Jeopardy! and demanded to know where he'd been all day. Jumba glared up at him stupidly, trying to come up with a smart-sounding answer.

"Uuhhh… Vhat is 'Spring Break?'" he said at last. Pleakley looked puzzled.

"In form of question, because Alex Trebek says so!" he explained, motioning for him to move aside so he could watch the show. But Pleakley refused to budge.

"Oh, no! You're not giving me this 'Spring Break' thing as an excuse to just crash on that couch and expect me to chew your food for you! I slaved all day over a hot stove, and this is the thanks I get?!! While you were out partying, I had to sort through a huge pile of YOUR dirty unmentionables, mop up all the mud you tracked all over the kitchen floor, and keep your little monster at bay so I could prepare dinner without him rolling around like a bowling ball trying to knock me over the whole time!!!"

Pleakley was panting a little by the time he had finished ranting. Jumba looked at him blearily and smiled at his friend's disguise. He was wearing a green and lavender flowered muumuu covered by a pink apron that said "Kiss the Cook" on the front, and a blonde wig of long, wavy hair, which now sat very crookedly on top of his head. He even had makeup on. Jumba reached up and cupped a massive hand behind the smaller alien's back, pulling him down until he was almost on top of him.

"Vhat a sveetheart, you're doing all this for to please me! I know someone who is getting mink coat for her birthday now! Heh-heh!!!" With his other fat arm he reached over to give Pleakley noogies, knocking his wig off in the process. After one hell of a struggle, he managed to wriggle out of his grasp and then snatch his wig back.

"Dammit, Jumba, stop kidding around! You're drunk… no, your worse than drunk… you're plastered! I could smell you a mile away! Why, I wouldn't doubt it if you drank all the booze at Spring Break! No wonder they painted a target on you! Did they throw anything useful your way? Like brains, maybe? 'Cuz it's obvious you're lacking some right now, or at least you will be if you keep drinking like this!"

Jumba managed to hoist himself into a sitting position, and he laughed heartily as he pulled Pleakley down to sit on the cushion next to him, patting his back rather roughly.

"Heh-heh… so nice of you to care about evil genius! Oh, and by the vay, I brought back a little souvenir for pretend wife! Now, vhere did I put it? Hmmm…" he ran his hands over himself as he searched for said item. Pleakley folded his arms angrily and turned away.

"The way you're dressed right now, it's not like there's very many places it could be, so don't bother."

"AHA! Here it is! In perfect condition, no less!" he leaned away from Pleakley as he pulled a brightly-colored bikini top out from under himself. Pleakley stared at it in disbelief as he dropped the garment in his lap.

"There you go! Add it to your collection of vomen's clothing. I'd give you the bottom part that goes vith it, but voluptuous beach girl only tossed me top part! Heh! Such vild parties these humans throw, eh? You should have been there. You could do vith loosening up."

"Sorry, dude, but that's not my scene!" Pleakley growled angrily, picking up the bikini top with the tips of his fingers and holding it out in front of him as if it were filthy. He got up off the couch and headed down the hall toward his room, still holding it up in front of him. Nani passed him on her way to the living room, then glanced back at him over her shoulder, unsure what to think. When she saw Jumba on the couch, watching Jeopardy!, it was her turn to flip out and place herself in front of the TV.

"Where the hell have you been?!" she demanded, looking him over disapprovingly.

"You ever heard of Spring Break? Good place to go for to hang loose. You vould have had blast vith all the other topless Earth girls on beach."

At this, Nani narrowed her eyes at him and growled threateningly.

"Hey, you like souvenir I give Pleakley? I got you one also, but is probably wrong size. I just take vhatever's thrown my vay. That is how I got men's speedos vhich I am vearing right now! Tricky part vas putting them on in middle of limbo contest. Heh-heh."

Nani sighed and shook her head, looking thoroughly disgusted with her 'uncle.'

"Aye-aye-aye, Jumba… what am I going to do with you?"

Still sauced, Jumba gave her a sloppy smile and shrugged, looking as innocent as can be.

"If there's something going on with you, I wish you'd just open yourself up to us and tell me what it is, instead of disappearing for hours on end and coming home plastered up to the ceiling."

"Is nothing wrong, Nani dear. Is just living a little!"

"Yeah, well the way you've been living lately it sounds like you have a death wish. But since I'm in a hurry and I don't have time to yell at you, I'm just going to assume you're suffering from some kind of mid-life crisis and leave you to it for now."

Just then the doorbell rang. Jumba cringed at the sound

"Oohhh… please to be turning down volume on that blasted device!" he groaned, rubbing his temples. Nani went to answer it, and Jumba could hear David's voice as he asked if he could come in. Nani told him it wasn't a good idea, and tried to block his view of Jumba lying on the couch. She insisted that they leave on their 'not-a-date' immediately, and as the door closed after them, Jumba shouted "Don't vorry about little girl and 626! They are being in good hands! Clean hands, might I add! And don't vorry about Vendy! He's just got the PMS again! Heh-heh-heh!"