Category: Drama/Humour

Summary: "I've always been a rolling with the punches guy, Sam, but it's getting harder…' Sam/Josh friendship

Spoilers: Up to and including Disaster Relief. Goes A/U pretty much straight after the scene with Josh's rant at the Capitol building

Disclaimer: West Wing and its characters etc are not mine but remain the exclusive property of Aaron Sorkin et al.

A/N: I'm working from recaps here, couldn't miss the shout-out to my boy. So I hope I haven't got anything drastically wrong (except the lack of hurricane plot-line, I just noticed that when I read the full ep-guide. I'm posting anyway, sorry.) It's really more first part drama, second part insanity. But please read and review anyway.

**************

Josh looked down at the ringing phone in his hand with a dismissive sigh and muttered to himself.

'How do all these people have my number? I mean, I work for the President, there has to be some way of preventing lunatic journalists from calling me. And they genuinely think, being lunatics after all, that I'm going to tell them that Leo's fired me and I'm clearing out my desk as we speak. And now I'm talking to myself. Well that's…'

Finally paying attention to the name on the screen he trailed off and pressed answer.

'Sam?'

'Yes? Should I be someone else?'

'No…. no, it's good to hear from you. I think. Have you done something?'

'Josh comparing you and me in the past two days who should be asking that question?' At the silence he backtracked. 'I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. Especially given this started as a call of, you know, support, loyalty, camaraderie even.'

'Well so far you're perking me right up.'

'Where are you?'

'Sam, bar Donna and Margaret you are the most random person I know. I'm in Washington and you're in California, after that who cares?'

'Was it Donna that called you Deputy Downer? She may have a point you know.'

'I'm sorry Sam. It's just that I find it difficult to be my normal peppy self given that I lost my party a Senator, my job is being slowly eroded, I yelled at the Capitol building, and I had to beg my intern to let me out of the taxi to walk home on my own. Donna sent him with me, did she tell you that? In case I decide to punch windows again presumably. But on the bright side, at least she'd care if I did.'

'Was I one of the people Josh?'

'Huh? There you go again.'

'The people you can count on one hand. Was I one of them? I'm guessing Toby, Donna, CJ, probably your mom, and I really hope that I'm next or you have a sixth finger you've never told me about.'

'Firstly, yes you were. Up until this point anyway. You called Toby?'

'Yeah I called him. You didn't call me back.'

'You left me a message saying "roll with the punches". I figured if that was the best you could come up with I'd be better looking for help elsewhere. Unbelievably, that was the first of a multitude of clichés from our much-lauded Communications Department. I was just waiting for Toby to tell me to let a smile be my umbrella. Of course then we add the famous Ziegler charm and I get "Take your medicine and keep your head down". A moving statement of support.'

'Josh. What you have to understand is…we're brilliant minds but….I have nothing. I have consolers block.'

'I can tell.'

'Hey!'

' I'm just…I'm sick and tired of this shit. It was supposed to get better. This was our blank cheque. Four years with no election. I was actually happy. Well not quite but self-satisfied anyway. There was this article…'

'I read it. It was good.'

'It was a puff piece.'

'Yeah but it was still a good attempt at explaining you.'

'Obviously not given that, in case you didn't notice, I lost us a Senator.'

'Yeah. But how many votes did you win us? And if Leo can't remember that…hey! You could resign and come work for me.'

'You have no job Sam.'

'I have offers. Many offers in fact. You could help me pick one.'

'Deputy Communications Director for the White House doesn't appeal? Will's decided he wants to work for Russell.'

'He called. That's actually why I was talking to Toby in the first place. He yelled at me for a bit. Apparently I sent him someone with the same realism as me before we started campaigning. After we'd got past that bit I asked how you were.'

'And he told you I was an idiot who didn't deserve my job?'

'No. He was concerned….underneath the shouting anyway. Are you at home yet?'

'Walking through the door. The beer in my fridge is calling to me.'

'Josh.' The warning tone was unmistakable.

'What?'

'Just get into bed. It'll seem brighter in the morning. Tomorrow's another day.'

'Sam. You were warned about that.'

'Sorry.' He answered, not sounding in the slightest bit apologetic. 'So tell me about yelling at the Capitol Building.' Josh groaned.

'I told the driver to stop the taxi, got out, and screamed at it. With Ryan watching me like I should be committed. Oh God. I asked the building, the building Sam, if it wanted a piece of me.'

'That doesn't count?'

'As what?'

'Cliché. That was the worst one actually. No wonder your intern thought you'd lost it.'

'I had.'

'As in….?'

'No! It wasn't PTSD lost it. Just the, 'I'm Josh Lyman and I don't like to lose', lost it. Why does everyone assume I should be calling Stanley?'

'Because last time you didn't tell us. So people are maybe a little over-vigilant. But I meant it, it'll get better. It's news this week, next week it'll be over. Roll with the punches.'

'That's just it. I've always been a rolling with the punches guy, Sam, but it's getting harder…'

'Of course it is. All of you are raw right now. With Zoey and the Vice-President and everything else. It doesn't take much. And right now it's just one thing on top of another.'

'Yeah.'

'You in bed yet?'

'Yeah. Are you going to tell me a bedtime story?'

'Maybe later. Remember when we were on the campaign? The first time. And we used to share a room because Toby hated me?'

'He didn't hate you.'

'Sure he did.' Sam answered easily. 'And we used to talk all night about how we were going to change the world?'

'Look how well that worked out.' At Josh's bitter tone Sam sighed.

'We did. And we're gonna keep doing it until they bury us because we're unstoppable. They've shot at us and lied about us and we're still here.'

'Sam…'

'I mean it Josh. You can't let this one hit take you down. You come back fighting. And I'm sorry about all the sporting metaphors. I got carried away.' There was a slight laugh down the phone.

'Success! You're my mission now by the way.'

'Well that's a phrase to strike fear into the heart of mortal man.'

'I'm going to convince you. Or at least make you laugh. But I should probably go now and let you sleep. We'll talk tomorrow okay? Answer the calls this time.'

'Yeah. Good luck.'

'Night.'

'Night.'

**********************

The next morning Josh slunk into his office and logged on to the computer. Deciding he couldn't face his White House e-mails right now he logged into Hotmail. Scanning the mail and trying to ignore the promises of free drugs, diplomas or sex one topic stood out.

From: [email protected]

Subject: Your bedtime story

He clicked and began to read. Hearing the random laughter from her boss's office Donna stood in the doorway.

'Josh?'

'Donnatella what can I do for you?'

'Prove that you're not high.' He stood up and walked towards her.

'Ask me anything. Get a blood test. I'm clean.'

'Then what's with the mood swing? I was all ready for a week or two of screaming and hurling of abuse. Or alternately hiding in the office. Didn't you yell at the Capitol Building?'

'Yes, yes I did. But I'm past that now. I have resolved my grudge with all things of bricks and mortar and am ready to move on.'

'You're ready to move on?'

'Yes, yes I am.' Humming to himself he walked out and headed to find coffee. Donna cautiously entered the office looking around for mood-altering substances, or possibly a report announcing Carrick had been struck by lightning. She looked down at the desk to see a printout of an e-mail. Deciding that a) it was from Sam and therefore not a top-level government document and b) this was for the greater good, she lifted it and brought it to her desk.

**************

'Donna?' Ginger asked, walking past her friend's desk.

'Hmmm?'

'Toby wants to know if Josh has the file on agricultural subsidies.'

'It's over there. The yellow one.'

'Ok. And the steel works?'

'Orange one.'

'How can do that without even stopping reading? What is it anyway?' Donna looked up.

'It's an e-mail from Sam to Josh, it's really sweet actually.'

'Why have you got an e-mail sent to Josh?'

'I was worried it was from his dealer.'

'What?'

'Never mind. It was perfectly innocent anyway. He was just trying to cheer Josh up. Admittedly in a very strange way. But it is Sam. He has some odd views on the people that work here.'

'Like what?'

'Like….oh that's Josh! Take it with you and read it over there. You'll see what I mean.'

'Sure.' She started to walk off.

'The files?' Ginger took them gratefully.

'Thanks. Toby probably wouldn't be pleased if I came back without them.'

Laughing, Donna nodded.

******************

Realising that neither of his two Senior Assistants were coming, regardless of whether he shouted even louder, Toby walked out of his office. Spying Bonnie and Ginger, along with Carol, huddled round a piece of paper he strode over.

'Is it at all possible that one of you could perhaps come and do the job we pay you for? Or is this page so important to the nation's wellbeing that it takes precedence over the people you are supposed to working for?'

'Sorry Toby.' The three murmured. Silently Bonnie handed him the page with a hopeful look. Glaring at them he took it and went back to his office, closing the door. A few minute later it was opened again. This time, although barely visible to the untrained observer, he was in a better mood.

'Ginger? Get CJ over here please.'

'Right now?'

'If she's free. Thanks.'

CJ walked in to the office and in a few minutes was heard giggling loudly. When the door opened she turned round to Toby.

'The boy's priceless. Just pray she doesn't ever see it.'

'Could be interesting.'

'No.' Answering him sternly she turned on her heels and left.

**************

'Read this.'

'Good morning Mr President how are you?'

'I'm fine Leo, read this.'

'What is it?'

'I stole it from Charlie's desk. Now I'm giving you an executive order, read the goddamn thing.' Taking the page Leo began to read.

From: [email protected]

Subject: Your bedtime story

As promised:

Once upon a time, in a strange and wonderful kingdom there lived a knight called Sir Joshua. He worked in the palace, Chateau Blanche under the wise and benevolent King Josiah. Now this kingdom had seen many years of strife and despair but now the country was in a period of peace and prosperity. The Court was filled with virtuous men and women including the Magician Tobias and Lady Creeg. Lord Tobias was charged with turning the ramblings of the minstrels into wondrous incantations that could change the kingdom. Lady Creeg was responsible for instructing the town criers and for ensuring that Lord Tobias didn't go mad and smite them all. The King's dearest friend was the Duke Leopold. He ensured that the kingdom ran as King Josiah decreed and that the Court worked as it should.

The kingdom was not perfect however, on the Hill beside the palace lived many strange creatures. Some, were friendly and would help the king. Others were most unfriendly and would do whatever they could to bring him down. Sir Joshua was responsible for dealing with the creatures in this forest. While he was able to convince the elves and other sympathetic creatures to help the Court, he did his best work slaying the goblins who threatened to harm his king and his kinsmen. While Sir Joshua could frequently be heard complaining that the town criers earned more than he did, his role involved working with the beautiful Lady Donnatella so he was content.

One day however the wicked witch Amy resolved that she would bring the brave knight down. He had spurned her advances, only having eyes for his fair Donnatella, and she wanted revenge. The witch spread evil whispers through the forest that Sir Joshua thought he was above the creatures there, above even the King. And unrest hissed through the wood until it reached one particularly malicious goblin. He was in the guise of an elf but thought like one of the corrupt ones. He called the Knight to the wood and defeated him through base trickery and deceit.

In the palace there was great anger at their champion's loss. He was chastised by the Court openly and by the criers to the people of the kingdom. More hurtful to him though was the rebuke from the Duke Leopold. Kneeling before him Sir Joshua begged forgiveness but the Duke was unmoved. Angrily he retorted that the Knight had disappointed the King and himself and would not be trusted further. This wounded Sir Joshua grievously and he left the Duke's chambers in great distress. Ignoring the entreaties of his lady he went to the forest and stood before it. Crying out he asked them to come for him, to do as they wished for they had taken everything else. Hordes of goblins charged out and Sir Joshua closed his eyes to wait for the death knell. Hearing cries he looked up to see his assailants being struck down by blasts of light. Turning he saw Lord Tobias behind him glaring. 'You're an idiot. Next time you need help, ask.' He saw the minions of Lady Creeg distracting the goblins to destroy each other in exotic languages. 'Mis amores!' Further back he spied the royal charger with King Josiah. The King dismounted and the goblins fled from his fury. Behind him stood the Duke. Addressing Sir Joshua he spoke reassuringly. 'I promised, remember? While I work for the King, so do you. Now don't be so damn stupid.' The Knight smiled and then turned around in confusion. There was a goblin body at his feet, struck down by an arrow just before it could stab him. 'Who fired the arrow?' The crowd parted to reveal the Lady Donnatella. 'I've always got your back my lord.'

Later that day Sir Joshua received a messenger from his friend Samuel, a wandering minstrel. It read: 'Remember that it's always darkest before the dawn and that clichés can be fun. And if the idiots over there don't let up come and write music with me.' Grinning the Knight turned to look at the wonderful woman with her arm wrapped around him, and the friends assembled to welcome him home. He realised that despite all the problems that led here, and all still waiting for them, the ending would always be this one.

And they all lived happily ever after…

Did I make you smile? Remember that my offer still stands, much as I doubt you'll take me up on it. Give my love to the guys 'back home' and tell them I miss them. Hope you're back to goblin slaying soon because 'defeated Josh' scares me. Call me if they're still being jackasses, I'm only one flight away.

Love,

Sam

Jed looked questioningly at Leo.

'Well?'

'I didn't actually say that you know.'

'Did you imply it?'

'Josh is a big boy. Sam exaggerates.'

'So yes.'

'Yeah. How did Charlie get this?'

There was a cough from the door. Margaret sheepishly drew attention to herself.

'Everyone has it. Well the Senior Staff and the Senior Assistants anyway. It may have got further. I don't know. Oh, and the Senior Staff, plus Donna, is in the Oval Office. Debbie told them to wait.'

'Do you know why?' Jed queried.

'Well because you're in here with Leo sir.'

'Not why they're waiting, why they're in there in the first place.'

'Oh. Sorry. Charlie said that his copy had went missing and suspicion was raised that you might have lifted it.'

'So they're all next door?'

'Yes sir.'

'Alright then. Let's go and assure them their suspicions were correct. Your Grace?'

'Is this going to be a thing sir?'

'Most assuredly my lord Duke.'

'Oh God.'

As the door opened Josh, Toby, CJ and Donna quickly rose to their feet.

'My loyal subjects!' The President cried out.

'So I guess we can safely assume that he has read it then.' Josh said sardonically.

'Not necessarily.' Toby pointed out. 'It's not as if he hasn't done this before.'

'I take objection to that comment sir. I shall order your smiting privileges revoked.'

'He's read it.'

'Indeed Sir Knight, now how exactly did this work end up on my…yes…how did it end up on my Squire's desk?'

'Well…'

'It was my fault sir.' Donna interjected. 'I found it, and gave it to Ginger. It was just that it was so sweet, and so… Sam, and we needed cheering up.'

'And why is that fair lady?'

'Sir, with all due respect, given what's been happening recently this hasn't exactly been the happiest place to work.'

'Indeed. I for one would feel much better if my Queen and royal daughters were to return.'

'Sir, is it possible that you've taken the back pills again?'

'Why Lady Creeg are you implying that my joviality is somehow unnatural?'

'It is possible sir.' He looked at her seriously.

'I'm fine CJ, I had just forgotten how extraordinarily bizarre Sam could be. On that note…' He raised his voice. 'Debbie! Put a call through to Sam Seaborn in California.'

'It's still early in California sir.'

'All the more reason Leopold. He's caused enough hubris this morning, I think we can cause him some.' While Debbie put the call through Josh looked over at Leo nervously. Feeling the younger man's gaze he turned round.

'He's right. But it's more than just a promise keeping you here, you know that.'

Not having followed the series of looks, no one else quite understood but that was all Leo intended to say. Josh grinned and turned to listen to CJ and Toby's debate over whether Magician or Lady was a higher rank. Putting the phone on speaker Jed heard the ringing start. Eventually a sleep-addled voice responded.

'Sam Seaborn.'

'This is his Royal Highness the King.'

'Of Belgium?' Thrown, Jed answered in confusion.

'No, not Belgium. Why would the King of Belgium call?'

'Because I wrote for him once.' The voice replied drowsily. 'It was a good speech. But if you're talking to him tell him I'm on sabbatical.'

'This is the King of the United States.'

'We don't have a king…s'against the Constitution. Article I, Section nine: "no title of nobility shall be granted by the United States" . Plus, you know, we're all created equal.' The listeners laughed in part amusement and part disbelief.

'This is King Josiah.' There was a thud and then a scrabbling noise.

'Sir.'

'Sam did you fall out of bed?'

'No sir.'

'Did you hit your head on the ceiling?'

'Yes sir.'

'You really should be addressing me as your highness.'

'Sir, if you don't mind me asking, how did you get hold of it?'

'I'm going to open that question to the floor.' There was a silence on the other end.

'I'm on speaker aren't I?'

'Yes indeed. Are you on drugs Sam or do you normally quote the Constitution down the phone to royalty?'

'I took a sleeping pill. Which apparently made me slightly out of it. Are they all laughing at me?'

'We're not laughing Sam. Well we are, but its all out of love.' CJ answered. 'Why did you take a sleeping pill?'

'I couldn't sleep.'

'Why couldn't you sleep?' Sam's voice still didn't sound as if he was quite with them.

'Josh. Nobody fired him did they?'

'No.'

'And he didn't quit or go yelling at more buildings?'

'I am here Sam.'

'That didn't answer the question.'

'No, I didn't yell at more buildings. Or quit. I did however print your masterpiece. Leading to my lady deciding to circulate it.'

'Oh.'

'Yes.'

'Why?' Donna joined in nervously.

'I'm sorry Sam. I was looking at the papers to see why Josh had suddenly cheered up. And then when I read it I cheered up too so I decided to spread the happiness to Ginger. Then it all got slightly out of control.'

'So you're arguing that this was an altruistic action. Not one designed to humiliate me? Well at least it cheered Josh up. Is Toby there?'

'Yes.' Donna answered when it was apparent that Toby wasn't going to.

'Hey Toby.'

'Sam.'

'Are you going to complain about my lack of verbs?'

'No. I could, but I won't. I could also comment on your blatant disregard for a continuous style and how you swayed from formal to informal language randomly. But I won't.'

'I made you a Magician you know. I gave you the best job.'

'I have the best job already.'

'True, but you have no deputy.'

'I didn't when I was a magician either.'

'Magicians don't need deputies.'

'I'll appoint someone.'

'Did you consider Fiona Kerry? She wrote for Senator Wilson?'

'He lost his last campaign.'

'Didn't you lose like five campaigns in a row before this?'

'Six but who's counting? Where were you going with that point exactly Sam?'

'I'm saying if the best writer in the country can't win every election why do you expect her to win one with a guy like Wilson?'

'Sam you know you don't work for him anymore right?' Josh sounded amused.

'Well given that I was woken up at 5am by the President of the United States it was getting a little blurry…why?'

'You don't need to suck up.'

'I wasn't. Toby's the best in the business. Just because the Deputy Chief of Strategic Planning doesn't know good writing…But Fiona's good. You should hire her.'

'The last person you sent to me quit because we weren't doing the important things. Is this another person I'm going to waste time over trying to stop them tilting at windmills?'

'You need someone to counter you. Imagine what having two Toby Ziegler's in the Communications Department would be like. It would kill your staff for one thing. And then you'd probably kill whoever you appointed for being more cynical than you. And we'd be back at square one.'

'Okay.'

'Okay what?'

'Okay I'll talk to her.'

'Oh. Well that was unexpected.'

'You two make great theatre' Jed broke in.

'Listen, not that I don't appreciate the call but shouldn't you people be running the country right now?'

There was a pause while six people looked at watches. Then six sharp intakes of breath.

'I have a briefing in 15 minutes.'

'Meeting with Congressman Ryans.'

'Making sure Josh knows who Congressman Ryans is and why he's meeting her.'

'Budget meeting.' ('Her?' 'Yes, Joshua, her. Elizabeth Ryans. North Dakota. You're meeting her about farm subsidies.' 'Oh. Good.')

'Interviewing possible deputy.'

'Security briefing, stock market briefing and meeting with the German Ambassador.'

'Yes, Sir, you win. Undoubtedly you have the most taxing job. Happy now?'

'Maybe if there hadn't been a certain tone of sarcasm there Leo. Are you implying something?'

'Not a thing sir.'

'Because if you were we can go back to the "your Grace" thing. I can change your Secret Service codename.'

'No you can't sir.'

'Want to try it and see?'

'Umm…I'm going to go back to sleep now. But we should talk soon. Come to California, I'll stage a protest of something and you can come and investigate. CJ and Donna can work on their tans without damaging their alabaster skin and the rest of us can watch Josh pretending to be an outdoorsman on the beach.'

'I resent that.'

'Let the record show I don't care. But I'll let it go for now.'

'We'll let you go back to sleep now Sam. But thank you for lightening the mood round here a little.'

'You're welcome sir, I hope things get better soon.'

'I hope so too. Now go back to sleep.'

'Yes sir. Bye everyone.'

'Bye.'

Jed looked around at his staff expectantly.

'Ok, back to work.'

*******************

A/N2: Yeah I don't know either. Review anyway please.