This is the sequel to "First Love Lost" which told the story of how Alexis found and lost her first love. It is set in 2002 and picks up immediately after the events of "First Love Lost".
I think this story stands on its own so you really don't have to have read the first story, but it will make more sense if you do.
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CHAPTER 1
"I don't want to hear excuses, Benny. Just get it done!" Sonny slammed the phone down. He was angry. How could an old woman manage to escape prison and just disappear? He bit his lip in frustration. Because she was Helena Cassadine and she was the devil. The fact that she had escaped prison didn't surprise him. He had no faith in law enforcement in general and the PCPD in particular. What he found frustrating, what was making him angry was that his people had no clue where she was either. He liked to know where is enemies were. He needed to know where Helena was. She threatened the people he cared about, Laura, Luke and their children, all of the Spencers, and Alexis.
Sonny began to pace the room. Face it. It's really all about Alexis. It was the danger to Alexis that caused his anger and frustration. Why hadn't he just taken care of Helena himself? He stopped pacing. Alexis didn't want that and he couldn't face losing her friendship if he disregarded her wishes.
He walked over to his balcony. The spring day had been warm, but all the warmth had left with the sun. It was evening now and the night air was cold. He stopped at the glass doors and looked out on the harbor below. He thought about his friendship with Alexis. Friendship was such an inadequate word for what they shared. Laughter, pain, comfort, trust, they had shared all those things. It was much more than friendship, but he sensed it was much less than what it could be, what it should be.
Helena would not hurt Alexis again! That old woman had caused too much pain. Pain, that couldn't be forgotten, couldn't be healed. Sonny's thoughts were interrupted by pounding on his door. "Sonny, it's Kristina. Let me in. I need your help!" He headed for the door summoning all his patience. He really wasn't up to a visit from Alexis' sister.
She burst through the door as soon as he turned the knob. She started to babble. "I know you don't like me. I don't really like you. I don't think you're good for my sister, but I don't know what else to do. Alexis says you're a good man. She's a good judge of people, most of the time. I hope she's right about you. Anyway I don't have a choice. Someone's got to do something and soon!"
"What's wrong?! Is Alexis all right?" Sonny was worried.
"No! Alexis is not all right. She's lost!"
"She's lost?" Sonny quickly stuck his head out the door. "Johnny where's Alexis?"
Johnny snapped to attention. "She's inside the penthouse boss. What's wrong?"
"I don't know, maybe nothing. Stay there!" Sonny closed the door. He returned to Kristina. "Alexis is in the penthouse."
"She's not physically lost. Her soul is lost. Or it will be soon. I'm very worried"
Sonny sighed. Don't lose control Corinthos. You can be nice. "We aren't talking about Pluto again are we?"
Kristina began to pace in front of him. "No, it's not about Pluto. Pluto has nothing to do with this, Venus might. Yes, it might have to do with Venus. We were talking about . . ." She stopped pacing and approached Sonny. "Oh none of that matters. It's her soul that's in danger. She's falling into darkness and I can't get her back!"
Sonny stared at her, bewildered. Kristina was obviously upset. Like Alexis, she tended to babble when she was nervous or upset. Except when Alexis babbled, there was some intelligence behind it. If you listened closely, you could follow that brilliant stream of consciousness to wondrous destinations. When Alexis babbled, Sonny found himself smiling. When Kristina babbled, he found his head hurt. He pinched the bridge of his nose to ease the pain. She was upset about Alexis. Something must be wrong.
"She's not physically lost right? Kristina, where is she exactly?"
"Physically?"
"Yes physically!"
"She's out on the balcony. She's been there since sunset."
"Sunset was three hours ago. It's 40 degrees out. Why didn't you bring her in?"
"I tried! She won't talk to me and she won't come in. She's falling into darkness and I can't reach her!"
Sonny strode into the hallway. "Johnny, go to my kitchen and make some tea!"
Johnny headed toward penthouse four. "What's wrong? Is Ms Davis all right?"
"That's what I'm going to find out. Go!"
Sonny opened the door to penthouse two. Alexis was standing in the middle of her balcony. She wore a cranberry blouse and black tailored slacks. The matching jacket, that could have provided some protection from the cold, was neatly folded on the couch. Her arms were wrapped around herself. She stared into blackness. Sonny opened the glass doors and stepped out into the night air.
Alexis was drowning in blood, frightening images from her past flooded her mind.
A child's view of her mother's blood . . . A ruby cascade that gushed from the throat . . . Tiny hands that were soaked in it. How could hands so small even hope to stop the flow? "Momma wake up! I can't make it stop! Momma, please make it stop!" She couldn't stop it. It never stopped.
It was a crimson pool around Christian. "Alexis you are really here?"
"Yes I'm here. It will be okay!" So much blood . . . It oozed between adult fingers. It drenched the carpet. Apply direct pressure to stop the bleeding. You've got to stop the bleeding!
"Please, I do not have much time. Before God, right now, let me be your husband."
Too much blood, it couldn't be stopped. It dripped from her hands . . .
. . . hands that were scraped from being thrown to cold concrete. Gunfire reverberating . . . Sonny's body convulsing with each impact . . . Blood streaming from gaping wounds . . . Crawling through scarlet stains in the snow . . . Stop the bleeding! Please let me stop the bleeding!
"Sonny, stay with me. Don't go Sonny!" So much blood . . .
"Alexis, can you hear me?"
She was staring straight ahead, gazing through unseeing eyes. It was cold. Sonny shivered. Alexis did not. She wasn't connected to her body. Kristina was right. Alexis was falling into darkness. Sonny knew darkness.
"Oh God, Alexis!" He stripped off his suit coat and gently covered her shoulders.
She was oblivious to his actions, her mind lost in a torrent of blood she couldn't staunch.
"Alexis, look at me!" Sonny held her face in his hands and searched it for a sign that he was breaking through the darkness. Her cheeks were ice. "Alexis, it's Sonny. Talk to me Alexis!"
"Sonny?"
"Yes Alexis, it's Sonny." She was coming back. His fear eased a little.
"Sonny, you're alive? You didn't die?"
"I'm alive Alexis. I'm right here." He tried to make eye contact.
"You didn't die?" She was trying to convince herself.
"No, I'm not dead. I'm right here, with you."
Alexis blinked and her eyes began to focus on his face. "Sonny, how do you endure it?" Her voice was quiet, flat.
"Endure what Alexis?" If he could keep her talking, he could bring her all the way back.
"All the blood."
"Wh-what?" His chest tightened. Her words took the air from his lungs. His hands dropped to his sides. Where has the darkness taken you?
"How do you endure all the blood? Lily's blood, Brenda's, the blood of your children. How do you go on?" Alexis' voice was devoid of emotion. Her head dropped and she stared at the ground. She was still in her own private hell. Sonny's voice was a small candle in the darkness.
"With . . . " His voice was coarse. "With the help of friends . . . " He swallowed hard. " With your help."
She looked up at him. "I helped you?" The flatness in her voice was diminishing. She wanted to believe him.
His voice grew gentle. "You help me every day. You listen. You make me laugh. You're there when I need you. You saved my life, remember? When I was shot, you stayed with me. You stopped the bleeding. Without you, I would have died."
"I stopped the bleeding?" She didn't seem to believe him. "No. I couldn't. It never stops."
"Yes you stopped the bleeding. You never left me. You talked to me . . . " His voice began to crack. "The sound of your voice kept me alive."
"I did stop the bleeding." She believed him. "Why couldn't I stop it before? Why couldn't I save the others?"
Others? How much death had she seen in her life? "I don't know, honey. We have to get you warm. Come on let's go inside." He placed his hands on her shoulders and started to direct her into the penthouse. Kristina was pacing on the other side of the glass doors. Alexis saw her and turned away.
"No. I can't do this anymore. I'm too tired. I'll just stay here and rest. I'll be stronger tomorrow."
Sonny looked at Kristina. She must have been grilling Alexis again, dredging up bad memories, picking at old wounds in the guise of finding enlightenment. That girl had no clue how deep those wounds went, or the kind of damage she could do by reopening them.
"Honey, it's too cold for you to stay out here. Come back to my place. You can rest there. Let me take care of you." He held her close as he guided her into the penthouse. She didn't oppose him.
Kristina watched them through the glass doors. Sonny was coaxing Alexis back to reality. His touch was gentle, his face full of concern. She had never seen such tenderness. He truly cared for her sister. She was seeing a side of Sonny that he showed very few people. The side he showed Alexis. She wondered if he showed it to anyone else. As the doors opened, she moved to join them. She wanted to comfort her sister. One look from Sonny stopped her cold. That was the face that ordered men's deaths. She was sure of it. He looked back at Alexis and kindness returned.
"Come on honey, Johnny made tea for us." His touch was almost a caress as he guided Alexis across the hall.
Johnny jumped off the couch as the door to the penthouse opened. Sonny had Alexis wrapped up in his suit coat. She seemed detached. "What happened?"
"Johnny get some blankets out of the closet." Johnny immediately headed for the closet. "Where's the tea?" Sonny eased Alexis to the couch.
"It's steeping on the counter." Johnny handed Sonny the blankets.
"Put the tea on the coffee table." Sonny began to wrap the blankets around Alexis.
"Okay"
"Johnny, I don't want Kristina to disturb us. Stop her at HER door. I don't want her banging on mine."
"Yes sir!" Johnny headed out the door. What had put Ms Davis in such a state and what did Kristina have to do with it? He hoped Sonny could fix it. Johnny liked Ms Davis.
"Come on honey, we've got to warm you up" Sonny sat with Alexis, coaxing her to drink. She took several large sips of the hot tea. She was beginning to reconnect with her body. She started to shiver.
"Oh I'm so cold. How did I get so cold?" Her voice had taken on her natural inflection. She was almost back. She took another sip of tea.
"You went out on the balcony without a coat. I thought they taught you better at Harvard?" He hoped a little teasing would bring her the rest of the way.
She looked up from her cup and gave him a pained look. "Don't blame Harvard. I never took Common Sense 101. It was an elective." She held the warm teacup in both hands. The shivering was subsiding. "I was on the balcony?"
"Yeah, for about three hours. Ever since the sun set."
"The sunset . . . " Images flashed through her mind. The blood red sky . . . her mother's throat . . . the crimson pool where Christian died . . . scarlet snow surrounding Sonny . . . She shuddered.
"Alexis? Alexis!" Sonny searched her eyes for some sign she hadn't slipped back into darkness.
"I'm still here." She gave him a small smile. "I had a flashback." She turned her face away and looked down.
"Yeah I think so. Was it about your mother?"
"Yes." Not a lie, but not the truth, she wasn't ready to tell the whole truth.
Alexis was quiet. She stared directly ahead. Sonny watched her closely. She was still with him. She just wasn't ready to talk. After a few minutes she drew in a deep breath. "I couldn't stop the bleeding. My hands were too small."
"When your mother died?"
"Yes, I wanted to save her, but my hands were too small and I couldn't stop it."
Helena Cassadine had slit her mother's throat. There was nothing Alexis, the child could do. There was nothing anyone could do. Sonny had seen that type of injury. It was horrendous and irreparable. Her mother would not have died instantly. There would have been the struggle to breathe, the inability to speak, and her final breaths would have bubbled through the gash in her neck. It made him sick thinking of it. Helena had inflicted that brutal wound in front of a child. She had wanted Alexis to witness it.
"You were a child, Alexis. There was nothing you could have done." She carried so much guilt. As if she were responsible for her mother's death, for his getting shot, for whatever secret horror she wasn't ready to share yet. "You know that don't you?"
"I know." she didn't sound convinced.
"Do you know what set it off?"
"I was watching the sunset. Did you see it tonight?"
"No. I had some business with Benny." It was now more important than ever that Benny find where Helena was hiding.
"It was beautiful. I love the sunset you know?" She looked at him with a shy smile.
"You do? I didn't know that." He tilted his head. His dimples flashed.
"Yeah, I like to watch the colors change from gold to pink to violet. It's beautiful, my favorite time of day."
"What happened tonight?"
"What happened?" Her eyes returned to the tea. "Well, gold changed to pink. Pink changed to red. Red turned to . . . " She tried to swallow, her throat had gone dry. "The red turned to blood." Her voice was small.
"Your mother's blood?"
She nodded, her eyes focused on the ripples in the tea. "Her blood turned into . . . " She couldn't talk about Christian. It was years ago. It was as if it were yesterday. The pain was raw.
"My blood, you were remembering when I got shot." His voice was quiet. He was ashamed that he was partly responsible for bringing her more pain.
"Yes" Another half truth. "It just kept cycling, one image blending into the next. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't save them."
She keeps speaking in plurals. Who else couldn't she save? Sonny touched her shoulder. "You saved me."
"Yeah, you broke the cycle." She looked up at him. "You didn't die." She remembered him on the balcony. He pulled her out of her downward spiral and brought her back to reality. She had sensed his presence in the darkness . . . "Oh God Sonny I'm so sorry!"
"Sorry? Sorry about what?"
"Lily, Brenda, the blood of your children . . . I am so very sorry! I must have hurt you terribly."
"You didn't hurt me." Alexis was concerned for him! She had just relived, in vivid detail, what were probably the most horrifying events in her life and she was concerned that she might have hurt him. This woman amazed him. "Alexis, you've never hurt me."
"Still . . . "
"You didn't hurt me. I don't think you're capable of knowingly hurting anyone. Don't worry about it." He smiled, then reached down and gently grabbed her feet and lifted them onto the couch, turning her body.
"What are you doing?" Surprise and a little concern showed on her face.
"You need some rest. You're going to nap on my couch." His dimples were growing.
"What makes you think that's going to happen?" She was getting feisty. That was a good sign.
"Are you ready to get interrogated by your sister?"
"No." She loved her sister, but the thought of talking to her tonight wasn't comforting.
"Do you want me to put you to bed in one of the rooms upstairs?" He gave her the full dimpled grin.
"No!" Sonny and bedrooms must be avoided at all costs.
"Then we are left with the couch. Now lie back and let me cover you up." He gave her shoulder a gentle push and she fell back, her head coming to rest on the arm of the couch.
"You are enjoying this!"
"Close your eyes counselor." His hand touched her cheek. It sent a tiny shiver through them both.
I think this story stands on its own so you really don't have to have read the first story, but it will make more sense if you do.
________________________
CHAPTER 1
"I don't want to hear excuses, Benny. Just get it done!" Sonny slammed the phone down. He was angry. How could an old woman manage to escape prison and just disappear? He bit his lip in frustration. Because she was Helena Cassadine and she was the devil. The fact that she had escaped prison didn't surprise him. He had no faith in law enforcement in general and the PCPD in particular. What he found frustrating, what was making him angry was that his people had no clue where she was either. He liked to know where is enemies were. He needed to know where Helena was. She threatened the people he cared about, Laura, Luke and their children, all of the Spencers, and Alexis.
Sonny began to pace the room. Face it. It's really all about Alexis. It was the danger to Alexis that caused his anger and frustration. Why hadn't he just taken care of Helena himself? He stopped pacing. Alexis didn't want that and he couldn't face losing her friendship if he disregarded her wishes.
He walked over to his balcony. The spring day had been warm, but all the warmth had left with the sun. It was evening now and the night air was cold. He stopped at the glass doors and looked out on the harbor below. He thought about his friendship with Alexis. Friendship was such an inadequate word for what they shared. Laughter, pain, comfort, trust, they had shared all those things. It was much more than friendship, but he sensed it was much less than what it could be, what it should be.
Helena would not hurt Alexis again! That old woman had caused too much pain. Pain, that couldn't be forgotten, couldn't be healed. Sonny's thoughts were interrupted by pounding on his door. "Sonny, it's Kristina. Let me in. I need your help!" He headed for the door summoning all his patience. He really wasn't up to a visit from Alexis' sister.
She burst through the door as soon as he turned the knob. She started to babble. "I know you don't like me. I don't really like you. I don't think you're good for my sister, but I don't know what else to do. Alexis says you're a good man. She's a good judge of people, most of the time. I hope she's right about you. Anyway I don't have a choice. Someone's got to do something and soon!"
"What's wrong?! Is Alexis all right?" Sonny was worried.
"No! Alexis is not all right. She's lost!"
"She's lost?" Sonny quickly stuck his head out the door. "Johnny where's Alexis?"
Johnny snapped to attention. "She's inside the penthouse boss. What's wrong?"
"I don't know, maybe nothing. Stay there!" Sonny closed the door. He returned to Kristina. "Alexis is in the penthouse."
"She's not physically lost. Her soul is lost. Or it will be soon. I'm very worried"
Sonny sighed. Don't lose control Corinthos. You can be nice. "We aren't talking about Pluto again are we?"
Kristina began to pace in front of him. "No, it's not about Pluto. Pluto has nothing to do with this, Venus might. Yes, it might have to do with Venus. We were talking about . . ." She stopped pacing and approached Sonny. "Oh none of that matters. It's her soul that's in danger. She's falling into darkness and I can't get her back!"
Sonny stared at her, bewildered. Kristina was obviously upset. Like Alexis, she tended to babble when she was nervous or upset. Except when Alexis babbled, there was some intelligence behind it. If you listened closely, you could follow that brilliant stream of consciousness to wondrous destinations. When Alexis babbled, Sonny found himself smiling. When Kristina babbled, he found his head hurt. He pinched the bridge of his nose to ease the pain. She was upset about Alexis. Something must be wrong.
"She's not physically lost right? Kristina, where is she exactly?"
"Physically?"
"Yes physically!"
"She's out on the balcony. She's been there since sunset."
"Sunset was three hours ago. It's 40 degrees out. Why didn't you bring her in?"
"I tried! She won't talk to me and she won't come in. She's falling into darkness and I can't reach her!"
Sonny strode into the hallway. "Johnny, go to my kitchen and make some tea!"
Johnny headed toward penthouse four. "What's wrong? Is Ms Davis all right?"
"That's what I'm going to find out. Go!"
Sonny opened the door to penthouse two. Alexis was standing in the middle of her balcony. She wore a cranberry blouse and black tailored slacks. The matching jacket, that could have provided some protection from the cold, was neatly folded on the couch. Her arms were wrapped around herself. She stared into blackness. Sonny opened the glass doors and stepped out into the night air.
Alexis was drowning in blood, frightening images from her past flooded her mind.
A child's view of her mother's blood . . . A ruby cascade that gushed from the throat . . . Tiny hands that were soaked in it. How could hands so small even hope to stop the flow? "Momma wake up! I can't make it stop! Momma, please make it stop!" She couldn't stop it. It never stopped.
It was a crimson pool around Christian. "Alexis you are really here?"
"Yes I'm here. It will be okay!" So much blood . . . It oozed between adult fingers. It drenched the carpet. Apply direct pressure to stop the bleeding. You've got to stop the bleeding!
"Please, I do not have much time. Before God, right now, let me be your husband."
Too much blood, it couldn't be stopped. It dripped from her hands . . .
. . . hands that were scraped from being thrown to cold concrete. Gunfire reverberating . . . Sonny's body convulsing with each impact . . . Blood streaming from gaping wounds . . . Crawling through scarlet stains in the snow . . . Stop the bleeding! Please let me stop the bleeding!
"Sonny, stay with me. Don't go Sonny!" So much blood . . .
"Alexis, can you hear me?"
She was staring straight ahead, gazing through unseeing eyes. It was cold. Sonny shivered. Alexis did not. She wasn't connected to her body. Kristina was right. Alexis was falling into darkness. Sonny knew darkness.
"Oh God, Alexis!" He stripped off his suit coat and gently covered her shoulders.
She was oblivious to his actions, her mind lost in a torrent of blood she couldn't staunch.
"Alexis, look at me!" Sonny held her face in his hands and searched it for a sign that he was breaking through the darkness. Her cheeks were ice. "Alexis, it's Sonny. Talk to me Alexis!"
"Sonny?"
"Yes Alexis, it's Sonny." She was coming back. His fear eased a little.
"Sonny, you're alive? You didn't die?"
"I'm alive Alexis. I'm right here." He tried to make eye contact.
"You didn't die?" She was trying to convince herself.
"No, I'm not dead. I'm right here, with you."
Alexis blinked and her eyes began to focus on his face. "Sonny, how do you endure it?" Her voice was quiet, flat.
"Endure what Alexis?" If he could keep her talking, he could bring her all the way back.
"All the blood."
"Wh-what?" His chest tightened. Her words took the air from his lungs. His hands dropped to his sides. Where has the darkness taken you?
"How do you endure all the blood? Lily's blood, Brenda's, the blood of your children. How do you go on?" Alexis' voice was devoid of emotion. Her head dropped and she stared at the ground. She was still in her own private hell. Sonny's voice was a small candle in the darkness.
"With . . . " His voice was coarse. "With the help of friends . . . " He swallowed hard. " With your help."
She looked up at him. "I helped you?" The flatness in her voice was diminishing. She wanted to believe him.
His voice grew gentle. "You help me every day. You listen. You make me laugh. You're there when I need you. You saved my life, remember? When I was shot, you stayed with me. You stopped the bleeding. Without you, I would have died."
"I stopped the bleeding?" She didn't seem to believe him. "No. I couldn't. It never stops."
"Yes you stopped the bleeding. You never left me. You talked to me . . . " His voice began to crack. "The sound of your voice kept me alive."
"I did stop the bleeding." She believed him. "Why couldn't I stop it before? Why couldn't I save the others?"
Others? How much death had she seen in her life? "I don't know, honey. We have to get you warm. Come on let's go inside." He placed his hands on her shoulders and started to direct her into the penthouse. Kristina was pacing on the other side of the glass doors. Alexis saw her and turned away.
"No. I can't do this anymore. I'm too tired. I'll just stay here and rest. I'll be stronger tomorrow."
Sonny looked at Kristina. She must have been grilling Alexis again, dredging up bad memories, picking at old wounds in the guise of finding enlightenment. That girl had no clue how deep those wounds went, or the kind of damage she could do by reopening them.
"Honey, it's too cold for you to stay out here. Come back to my place. You can rest there. Let me take care of you." He held her close as he guided her into the penthouse. She didn't oppose him.
Kristina watched them through the glass doors. Sonny was coaxing Alexis back to reality. His touch was gentle, his face full of concern. She had never seen such tenderness. He truly cared for her sister. She was seeing a side of Sonny that he showed very few people. The side he showed Alexis. She wondered if he showed it to anyone else. As the doors opened, she moved to join them. She wanted to comfort her sister. One look from Sonny stopped her cold. That was the face that ordered men's deaths. She was sure of it. He looked back at Alexis and kindness returned.
"Come on honey, Johnny made tea for us." His touch was almost a caress as he guided Alexis across the hall.
Johnny jumped off the couch as the door to the penthouse opened. Sonny had Alexis wrapped up in his suit coat. She seemed detached. "What happened?"
"Johnny get some blankets out of the closet." Johnny immediately headed for the closet. "Where's the tea?" Sonny eased Alexis to the couch.
"It's steeping on the counter." Johnny handed Sonny the blankets.
"Put the tea on the coffee table." Sonny began to wrap the blankets around Alexis.
"Okay"
"Johnny, I don't want Kristina to disturb us. Stop her at HER door. I don't want her banging on mine."
"Yes sir!" Johnny headed out the door. What had put Ms Davis in such a state and what did Kristina have to do with it? He hoped Sonny could fix it. Johnny liked Ms Davis.
"Come on honey, we've got to warm you up" Sonny sat with Alexis, coaxing her to drink. She took several large sips of the hot tea. She was beginning to reconnect with her body. She started to shiver.
"Oh I'm so cold. How did I get so cold?" Her voice had taken on her natural inflection. She was almost back. She took another sip of tea.
"You went out on the balcony without a coat. I thought they taught you better at Harvard?" He hoped a little teasing would bring her the rest of the way.
She looked up from her cup and gave him a pained look. "Don't blame Harvard. I never took Common Sense 101. It was an elective." She held the warm teacup in both hands. The shivering was subsiding. "I was on the balcony?"
"Yeah, for about three hours. Ever since the sun set."
"The sunset . . . " Images flashed through her mind. The blood red sky . . . her mother's throat . . . the crimson pool where Christian died . . . scarlet snow surrounding Sonny . . . She shuddered.
"Alexis? Alexis!" Sonny searched her eyes for some sign she hadn't slipped back into darkness.
"I'm still here." She gave him a small smile. "I had a flashback." She turned her face away and looked down.
"Yeah I think so. Was it about your mother?"
"Yes." Not a lie, but not the truth, she wasn't ready to tell the whole truth.
Alexis was quiet. She stared directly ahead. Sonny watched her closely. She was still with him. She just wasn't ready to talk. After a few minutes she drew in a deep breath. "I couldn't stop the bleeding. My hands were too small."
"When your mother died?"
"Yes, I wanted to save her, but my hands were too small and I couldn't stop it."
Helena Cassadine had slit her mother's throat. There was nothing Alexis, the child could do. There was nothing anyone could do. Sonny had seen that type of injury. It was horrendous and irreparable. Her mother would not have died instantly. There would have been the struggle to breathe, the inability to speak, and her final breaths would have bubbled through the gash in her neck. It made him sick thinking of it. Helena had inflicted that brutal wound in front of a child. She had wanted Alexis to witness it.
"You were a child, Alexis. There was nothing you could have done." She carried so much guilt. As if she were responsible for her mother's death, for his getting shot, for whatever secret horror she wasn't ready to share yet. "You know that don't you?"
"I know." she didn't sound convinced.
"Do you know what set it off?"
"I was watching the sunset. Did you see it tonight?"
"No. I had some business with Benny." It was now more important than ever that Benny find where Helena was hiding.
"It was beautiful. I love the sunset you know?" She looked at him with a shy smile.
"You do? I didn't know that." He tilted his head. His dimples flashed.
"Yeah, I like to watch the colors change from gold to pink to violet. It's beautiful, my favorite time of day."
"What happened tonight?"
"What happened?" Her eyes returned to the tea. "Well, gold changed to pink. Pink changed to red. Red turned to . . . " She tried to swallow, her throat had gone dry. "The red turned to blood." Her voice was small.
"Your mother's blood?"
She nodded, her eyes focused on the ripples in the tea. "Her blood turned into . . . " She couldn't talk about Christian. It was years ago. It was as if it were yesterday. The pain was raw.
"My blood, you were remembering when I got shot." His voice was quiet. He was ashamed that he was partly responsible for bringing her more pain.
"Yes" Another half truth. "It just kept cycling, one image blending into the next. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't save them."
She keeps speaking in plurals. Who else couldn't she save? Sonny touched her shoulder. "You saved me."
"Yeah, you broke the cycle." She looked up at him. "You didn't die." She remembered him on the balcony. He pulled her out of her downward spiral and brought her back to reality. She had sensed his presence in the darkness . . . "Oh God Sonny I'm so sorry!"
"Sorry? Sorry about what?"
"Lily, Brenda, the blood of your children . . . I am so very sorry! I must have hurt you terribly."
"You didn't hurt me." Alexis was concerned for him! She had just relived, in vivid detail, what were probably the most horrifying events in her life and she was concerned that she might have hurt him. This woman amazed him. "Alexis, you've never hurt me."
"Still . . . "
"You didn't hurt me. I don't think you're capable of knowingly hurting anyone. Don't worry about it." He smiled, then reached down and gently grabbed her feet and lifted them onto the couch, turning her body.
"What are you doing?" Surprise and a little concern showed on her face.
"You need some rest. You're going to nap on my couch." His dimples were growing.
"What makes you think that's going to happen?" She was getting feisty. That was a good sign.
"Are you ready to get interrogated by your sister?"
"No." She loved her sister, but the thought of talking to her tonight wasn't comforting.
"Do you want me to put you to bed in one of the rooms upstairs?" He gave her the full dimpled grin.
"No!" Sonny and bedrooms must be avoided at all costs.
"Then we are left with the couch. Now lie back and let me cover you up." He gave her shoulder a gentle push and she fell back, her head coming to rest on the arm of the couch.
"You are enjoying this!"
"Close your eyes counselor." His hand touched her cheek. It sent a tiny shiver through them both.