Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters do not belong to me, and neither does Bridget Jones's Diary.

You asked for it, you got it. This it the companion to my "Hermione Granger's Diary".

Snape meets girl. Snape tries to rid himself of girl. Snape can't. So Snape creates diary that he thinks is private. Privacy is overrated, anyway. SS/HG, Companion to the infamous Hermione Granger's Diary.

Before you start...you might want to read Hermione Granger's Diary first, if you haven't already. Otherwise you might be very, very confused.

Find it at:

Dedicated to nightcrawler7082 (aka Deus Ex) for the idea, and to the soul cage for encouraging it!

No complaining about the SS/HG ship please

Severus Snape's Diary

September 1st

A new day, a new journal. Must think of something interesting to fill the pages, if only (and hopefully only) for my amusement's sake.

My last hours of peace before the wretched carriages come, with the screaming children and all the sugary food…

I must do something happy to distract my mind.

Ah, I know!

Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Harry Potter

10. His hair. It's messy and distracting, and all the girls go wild for it. Rather disgusting.
9. He's James's son.
8. His fascination with Ginny Weasley
7. That stupid scar just attracts people. If I glued a paper lightning bolt to my head, would I be able to get a girlfriend? Probably not. What about showing off my Dark Mark?
6. I'm sexier than he is.
5. He's James's son.
4. He's too bloody popular.
3. He's gets too much attention from Miss Granger
2. He's stupid.
1. He's James's son.

Now off to march to my doom. Hopefully the first years will be less squeamish this year. I prefer not to do anything to my hair just in order to keep ickle firsties from vomiting upon entrance to the hall.

September 2nd

Yes, time for some amusing stats.

Number of Times Hair Washed: 0, Number of First Years Terrorized: 10 (personal best), Number of Potion Explosions: 3 (they just keep getting stupider every year), Points Taken from Gryffindor: 15 (satisfactory)

Well, the Start of Term feast was more enjoyable than I had thought it would be. The house elves were kind enough to slip some Fire Whiskey into my cider, which lightened my mood very much. Unfortunately, got an embarrassing case of the hiccups during the Sorting. Had to exit, but had joy in finding Miss Weasley and Mr Potter snogging in the entrance hall. Fifty points from Gryffindor a v. nice way to begin the school year.

Today, however, was somewhat lacking. Albus had bumped into me in the hall, and I didn't notice that he had "accidentally" turned my black jumper a repulsive shade of pink until after double Potions with the Gryffindors.

He will suffer for this.

September 4th

Number of Times Hair Washed: 2, Number of First Years Terrorized 23 (including the whole of Hufflepuff), Number of Potion Explosions: 7 (considering appeal to discontinue first year Potions classes), Points Taken From Gryffindor: 45 (superb)

Ron Weasley seems to be stalking Miss Granger lately. Poor girl. As if Draco wasn't enough, already. Saw him slip something rather suspicious into her bag during class, but decided to ignore it. Fortunate that he didn't see me slip something into his cauldron as I passed by.

If he lays a hand on her…

I will be miffed.

September 5th

Oh, forgot to do something before that I sorely need to do.

I am proud of this idea. I find it very original, and am probably the only one within the school to do it.

Even if it is slightly cheesy.

Anyway…

School Year Resolutions

WILL NOT

Let Albus make a fool of me (modification: again)
Let Draco make a fool of himself (modification #2: more than two times a day)
Let more than three seventh year Gryffindors pass Potions
Let Fire Whiskey get the best of me (modification #3: in public)
Let Minerva coddle me for being 38 and single. She really shouldn't talk.
Fall in love with Hermione Granger
Go soft

WILL

Receive Order of Merlin, First Class
Take a minimum of 1427 points from Gryffindor
Keep Ron Weasley away from Miss Granger, for the Wizarding World's sake, present and future
Help Harry Potter save the world (no matter how much I hate him)

All right, my friends, drop me a line and tell me what you think so far!