So much time has passed. I guess I've grown, changed, become a better person. Or perhaps that is merely the medicine talking. Am I truly happy, or am I merely being held up by yet another false front?
As their transport stood waiting, Qui-Gon surreptitiously watched his Apprentice. The boy had grown into an incredible young man, strong in the Force, powerful in body and truly gifted in intellect. And yet, there still seemed to be a shadow that hung over the Padawan. Even if the young man had emerged from the shell he had once hidden in to become one of the most popular and well-known Jedi, there was still some ineffable hint of sorrow that surrounded Obi-Wan.
"Are we ready Master?" the softly accented voice asked, startling the Master from his musing.
"I believe so, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon answered with a soft smile. "I suppose I should actually be asking you that question. It seems that while I've been standing around woolgathering, you've managed to, yet again, secure everything for our trip."
"I apologize Master," the Apprentice began, only to be cut off as Qui-Gon laid a hand on his shoulder.
"There is nothing to apologize for, Obi-Wan. If anything, I should ask your forgiveness for holding you back as much as I have," the Master said quietly. "You were ready to be a Knight nearly a fortnight ago, but I could not bear to have you leave my side."
"No Master," Obi-Wan denied vehemently. "I still have much to learn from you. I'm not ready to be on my own yet, now or possibly ever. You and I both know that the Council is extremely reluctant to allow a Jedi with a dependence such as mine out into the field alone. I will only serve the Jedi as long as I can stand by your side."
"Obi-Wan, there is not much more I can teach you," Qui-Gon declared. "And you might be surprised by the level of faith the Council has in you. Your "dependence" as you call it, is not as much a weakness as you think. In some ways, it may even have made you a stronger, and better Jedi," the Master finished cryptically.
Gently squeezing the shoulder still held in his grip, Qui-Gon gestured toward the lowering ramp. "It looks as if our pilots are ready for us to board. Lead the way Padawan."
With one last, deeply searching look into his Master's unfathomable blue eyes, the Apprentice turned and walked quickly up the boarding ramp unto the diplomatic shuttle, headed toward yet another trying negotiation with the Trade Federation.
I'm not ready to stand on my own yet. I'm not nearly prepared enough to be a Jedi Knight. I hardly feel prepared to be a Padawan! I'm not ready for my Master to leave me yet… I need him to guide me and lead me. I wouldn't know who I was if I didn't have him to show me what a true Jedi is.
"Master, I have a bad feeling about this," Obi-Wan murmured quietly as he and Qui-Gon stood waiting for the Trade Federation Representative.
"Do you sense a clear and present threat?" the Master asked, trusting in his Apprentice's stronger connection to the Unifying Force.
"Not yet," the Padawan whispered, after a few tense moments spent searching the rays of the Force. "But something is clearly wrong here. It would be best if we were cautious."
"Be on your guard then Padawan," Qui-Gon urged. "Let me know immediately if you feel anything else."
Nodding to show his understanding, Obi-Wan carefully shielded his mind and thoughts, tucking his arms up into the sleeves of his voluminous robe. Any who saw him, would merely see a silent and studious young Padawan, instead of the powerfully trained young Jedi that he was.
/If only my Padawan was not one of those caught up in the ruse of his own deceptive appearance/ Qui-Gon thought ruefully. /It is amazing that he doesn't see how ready he is to be a Knight… or even a Master…/
Maintaining the appearance of the stoic and silent Jedi Master, Qui-Gon carefully began to scan the room the two Jedi were currently waiting in, as well as the rest of the ship with a tendril of the Living Force. Although the Living Force could not detect the presence of the droids the Trade Federation was fond of utilizing, the dull void where life would usually be served as its own source of information.
As the Master began to warn his Apprentice of the large empty area clearly serving as a storage facility for the droids, the sound of sharp rapping footsteps stopped him. Turning his head slightly, Qui-Gon watched as a protocol droid entered the small waiting room carrying a tray of beverages.
"Master," Obi-Wan warned, seconds before a noxious gas began to permeate the room.
Sucking in a deep breath, the Jedi Master gathered the Force to him, preparing for the onslaught he now knew with absolute certainty awaited his Apprentice and him.
Had it not been for the skill of the Queen's pilots, the landing on Tatooine could have caused much more damage to the already besieged ship. As it was, Qui-Gon was uncertain he would even manage to find the necessary parts for the ship to ever fly again. However, Obi-Wan had chosen the planet, and his faith in his apprentice was absolute. Even if he did not believe it of himself, Obi-Wan's senses were much more sharply attuned than those of his Master.
"My Apprentice and I will journey to the nearest settlement. With luck, we will be back within a day or two with the parts."
"My handmaiden will accompany you," the Queen announced imperiously as she sat on the throne before the two Jedi. "I am curious as to the society and structure of this planet. I would like her to gather as much information as possible. It will be a valuable addition to the libraries of Naboo."
"With all due respect your Majesty," Qui-Gon stated, "our journey would be much quicker without an additional person. As well, it is important that you are kept protected aboard the ship. This planet is known for its rougher elements, and I would prefer to know you have the utmost protection available to you."
"Perhaps your Apprentice could remain with us?" the Queen asked, watching the quiet younger Jedi.
"My Apprentice's mechanical ability will be needed to determine what parts are necessary," the Master disagreed. "He is also more familiar with this planet, as his Temple studies were much more recent than my own."
"Then perhaps you should remain, Master Jinn," one of the handmaidens declared. "Our Queen is under great peril, and I do not believe she should merely remain guarded by our slight defense, when she could instead be protected by a Jedi Warrior. I can accompany your Apprentice and return as quickly as you would have."
"She is correct, Master," Obi-Wan stated, his soft voice easily carrying throughout the bay. "The Queen needs the best protection available. I will go to retrieve the parts and return as quickly as possible. The sooner we are off this planet, the better."
Pausing to consider his Apprentice's words, Qui-Gon found himself agreeing. If they had indeed been followed to the planet's surface, as it was likely, the ship would present a better target than two individuals among the sea of people in the settlement. And if, perchance, danger did come to the two on the surface, Qui-Gon knew his Apprentice was more than capable of protecting the true Queen.
"You are correct Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, before turning to once again fully address the 'Queen.' "Your Majesty, if your handmaiden will prepare herself, she and my Apprentice can head out at once."
I've always hated being alone in my own head. It always seemed so dark and lonely. Somehow, this planet feels the same way. I don't know if it is the despair of the people stranded here, or something intrinsic to the very makeup of this place, but I know I do not wish to spend any more time here than necessary.
"The deal will be for the boy and his mother, or you can consider the whole deal off," Obi-Wan declared as he held the Toydarian's gaze.
"You strike a hard bargain, Jedi," Watto finally admitted, after waiting a few more moments to see if the young man would back down. "But I will accept your terms."
Slapping hands to seal the deal, Obi-Wan concealed his relief at having managed to deal for both Anakin and Shmi. Leaving the woman behind was against everything the young Jedi believed in, even if Qui-Gon would be sure to disagree.
"The Queen will not approve of this," Padme hissed into Obi-Wan's ear as the Toydarian wandered off to begin spending the dactarians he was certain he would win.
"I believe the Queen is compassionate enough to not want to leave a child in such bad conditions," the Apprentice responded, as he picked his way through the milling racers toward where Anakin waited.
"Hmmph," Padme sighed, as she followed behind the young Jedi.
Smiling softly to himself, Obi-Wan found himself admiring the spunky young leader more and more. She seemed to have a poise and confidence well beyond her years… even if she was oftentimes a bit more confident than she should've been.
"Obi-Wan, can you believe how many people are here!" Anakin crowed as he noticed the Jedi's approach.
"I'm sure you won't even notice them once you get into your racing pod," Obi-Wan answered quietly, correctly realizing the young boy's fear and anxiety. A life of slavery had quickly taught the boy to hide his emotions behind a wall of false bravado and courage. It was something Obi-Wan could relate to.
"Anakin, be careful out there," Padme admonished as she joined Shmi Skywalker beside the racing pod.
"Don't worry Padme, this is nothing!" Anakin declared, flashing her a jaunty smile.
"Padme, why don't you and Ms. Skywalker find a good place for us to watch the race," the Jedi Apprentice suggested. "I'll be along as soon as I help Anakin finish getting ready."
Placing a weather worn hand on Padme's shoulder, Shmi smiled gratefully. "Anakin, we will be waiting for you. I'm so proud." Giving her son a quick hug, Shmi carefully herded the young Queen toward one of the viewing boxes.
"Anakin, it's all right to be nervous or scared," Obi-Wan stated nonchalantly as he carefully scanned the pod to make sure all the parts were in good working order. "It does not make you weak… actually, it makes you so much stronger than you know."
Determining that the Pod was in good order, except for a loose power coupling, Obi-Wan lifted the tow-headed boy into the cock-pit. "Remember, it is your natural reactions, be they fear or anger, that make you the person you are. Don't try to hide them, allow your emotions to guide you." Giving the boy one final encouraging smile, the Jedi Padawan stepped to the side just as the first warning bell went off.
I see so much of myself in Anakin. And yet, he is so much better of a person than I can ever be. His insecurity and fear are understandable, and yet he should have nothing to be insecure about. Doesn't he realize how great of a person he already is, and how great of a Jedi he will be?
His agreement with Watto taken care of, Obi-Wan quickly gathered Anakin, his mother and the Queen to him. "The parts will be delivered to the ship immediately. We should head back now. There's nothing more here for any of us." Rubbing a hand affectionately through Anakin's hair as he said the last, the Jedi Apprentice guided the two women to walk slightly behind him as they left the protection of the settlement's buildings, using his own slight bulk to block them from the billowing sand.
As they neared the ship, a slight tingle in the Force caused Obi-Wan to hesitate. Turning, he quickly noticed the black swoop swiftly gaining on the foursome. "Anakin, guide your mother and Padme to the ship. Once you are on board, prepare to take-off."
Not questioning the commanding tone in the Jedi's voice, the young boy quickly grabbed his mother's and Padme's hands and led them at a swift pace toward the small ship. Even the sound of the igniting lightsaber behind him did not stop the boy from fulfilling the task set to him.
I always knew that someday I would die. Death is an inevitable part of life. Even when I was younger and took that unfortunate side trip to the lower levels of Coruscant, I never really thought I could die. Yet as I stand here, looking death in the face, I realize that maybe life is something I didn't fully appreciate.
Battling the double edged 'saber was by far the hardest thing Obi-Wan had ever done. Although the apprentice had often fought two opponents at once, it was somehow easier when they were separated by more than a few inches of metal grip. Reeling from yet another hard blow, the Padawan took a step back to recoup. It was becoming clearer and clearer to the young Jedi that this was fight he could not hope to win. His opponent drew heavily from the Darkside of the Force, and the environment on Tatooine was much more conducive to all things dark than it would ever be to the Light.
But on the tail of the realization that he could not win, came the knowledge that his defeat would lead to more than just his own death. As if a curtain had shifted in his mind, Obi-Wan suddenly had a more clear and graphic view of the future than he had ever received before. He could see a galaxy subsumed by Darkness, and in the center of it all, a boy who did not have the confidence or self-esteem to save himself from the Dark Force that consumed him.
Bolstered by the sudden fear and paradoxically, the sudden strength, that filled him, Obi-Wan began to fight back. Suddenly he was no longer fighting a losing battle. Instead, Obi-Wan tapped into his own inner strength for the first time in his life. The abilities that had carried him in his youth were mere wisps compared to the sudden power and life he felt flowing through his limbs. For the very first time, Obi-Wan began to believe in himself, as others had believed in him his entire life. And as his blows doubled and then tripled in strength and speed, his opponent began to falter, until the battle was swiftly and surely ended as the Sith's own weapon imploded from the sheer power battering against it.
Realizing his imminent defeat, the Dark warrior quickly attempted to retreat. Halted by the sure swiftness of the Jedi's lightsaber, the Sith resorted to his only option. Calling on the Dark Force, the Dark Warrior ended his own life.
I would never have thought I was capable of so much. I honestly still don't believe I am. I know it seems like I should have had some kind of epiphany and a happy ending, I'm afraid my mind doesn't work that way. I am still second-guessing myself, wondering if there was a way I could have stopped the Sith from killing himself. For a Sith he most certainly was, and an Apprentice at that. Somewhere out there is a Master, merely biding his time for the next opportunity.
Right now, however, the Sith is the farthest thing from my mind. For while I realized that I truly am a Jedi; I also discovered something else. The Council was right to assume that I could never be a Knight. I would truly never want to be. My calling was something much different. As I sit waiting in my office for my next patient, my eyes drift over the holo on my desk. Qui-Gon stands proudly beside his Padawan, as Anakin Skywalker attains the Jedi Knighthood I never could. And beside Qui-Gon… is me. Not the Jedi Warrior I always thought I had to be, but the soul healer I became instead. As my patients enter my office, more than one has remarked on this holo sitting so proudly on my desk. For even I must admit, for that one glorious moment in time I truly look happy.
Can it really be over? YES! I am finally finished with this monster that took more out of me than I would ever have thought possible. Thank you for your feedback and suggestions. Please keep them coming, I'd love ideas on more to write :)