The phone rings.
"Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here." She walks toward kitchen "I'll be back."
Buffy exits into the kitchen.
"I bet its creditors. The hounding's begun. I read about it. So you think we'll starve?" Dawn asks Giles.
"I very much doubt it."
"No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly-ventilated sweatshop?"
"Poorly-ventilated ... What have you been reading?" Buffy returns, walking quickly and purposefully toward the front door.
"Buffy, what is it?" Giles asks her, concerned. She turns back to face them, pauses for a moment before speaking.
"Angel."
"Is he in trouble?"
"He knows that I'm ... He, he needs to see me. I have to see him."
"Yes, of course. You'll leave for L.A. tomorrow."
"Not L.A." She shakes her head. "And not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a, a place."
"I see. Well, we should get all these ... bills and things out of the way before."
"I gotta go now." She starts to leave, pauses and turns back again. "Um, thanks for taking care of this for me." She exits, leaving Dawn and Giles staring at each other in dismay in the trashed living room.
~ * ~
"Buffy, Hi." Angel said, walking up to her in the dark alleyway, a bit nervous.
"Angel." He hugs her, then tentivly kisses her. She tenses, she didn't even know she did it, it had become almost a natural thing, since she had.
"It's been so long. How are you holding up?" He asks, concerned.
"Good. You?"
"Buffy, you died. That's not exactly a 'good' thing."
"Yeah. It's just so.strange."
"I bet. I know.I mean.I know what you went through, or what I think you went through. What did you go through?"
"I died, to save the world. And. I haven't told anybody this. Everyone thinks I was in hell."
"But you weren't?"
"No. I was.happy. No bills, no demons, no problems, either natural or supernatural to deal with. I was at peace. And now."
"It must be hard to cope."
"You have no idea. Angel, I think I was in heaven. And I was with mom, and Jenny, and Kendra. And now, I feel like I'm in hell. All these things, they just keep adding up. We have no money. And bills, I have no job. I have to work, for the first time in my life, besides slaying."
"It's awful. Buffy.after you died, I had a dream about you."
"I know."
"And.you do?" He stopped, confused.
"Yeah. I was there. I don't know how I got there, but I was. And what I told you was true. You needed to let go, so that we both could be at peace. See what happens when you don't let go? Willow couldn't let me go. And now, I'm expelled from heaven, never to go there again."
"No, that's not true! Buffy, you can't think that!"
"Why not?"
"Because. Buffy, life has its ups and downs, even an unlife. If, with everything that you've done, all those times you've saved the world, you got into heaven, then you can, you will do it again. Because that's who you are, Buffy. You're a good person. Don't ever think for a moment that you aren't."
"But.Angel.I had received my 'gift'."
"What gift?"
"Oh.." She walked a ways away, then started again, not looking at him, her back to him. "It was something the First Slayer told me. Death is my gift. At first, I thought that it was a gift I gave to others, but now I understand. It was my gift, my reward, for all I did. For every time I saved the world. I was done, I had done my duty, and I was all set. This wasn't like the last time I died, Angel. I was gone.for three months! I was happy! I had moved on, to a better life. Mom was there." She stressed this point.
"Oh, Buffy." He walked up to her, silent as always, and wrapped her in his arms, forgetting that they weren't together, just for a few minutes.
"This is just.I don't think I can do it anymore, Angel. I don't feel attached to anyone, anything. It's like my heart just isn't there any more." A tear slid down her cheek, the first time she'd cried since she'd died. "I try, I do. But the emotions just aren't there. And, the more I try, the weirder things get. Like I'm auditioning for a play, and I got the part, even though I don't deserve it. I shouldn't be here."
"Believe it or not, I understand perfectly, Buffy. As a vampire, Angelus, there is no feelings of remorse, no real feelings of love, no true anger, no true sadness. It's a simple life to live. But.you can't go on like this."
"Don't you think I know that?!" She spun on her heel to face him, and he could see the tears rolling freely down her face. "Angel, it's scary! I used to love my friends, Dawn. But now.. It's not that I don't, It's almost like I couldn't care less. It's frightening."
"How do you feel about me?" He murmured, she wasn't supposed to hear, but she did, because they were so close.
"I'm not sure. I.I hadn't thought of you once since I came back, but hearing your voice, brought back memories. Normally, it's hard to forget, but I managed. Now, it's so easy. But not here, not with you right here. I can.feel the love I used to feel for you, but.I don't know." She sighed.
"Do you feel like your incapable to love?"
"Yes!" She said, surprised, he'd hit the nail on the head.
"What does.Riley? Think of this?"
"He's gone. He left right after Mom died, but before I." she couldn't get herself to say it. "The government took him back. He's so stupid." She started to get mad.
"What did he do? Did he hurt you?"
"No. He wanted to know, what it was like."
"What what was like?"
"Getting bitten. Dracula came to town. He did his voodoo whatever mind control, and he bit me. And I hid it. And when he found out, he freaked. And..I think it was Xander, that said it was no big deal, it wasn't the first time. So I had to explain about you, and the Master. He was paying them to bite him!"
"Yeah, I've heard of that. No bodies, and cash. Pretty good set up." She gave him a withering glare.
"And then he said that if I didn't give him a reason to stay, he was leaving. He said that maybe I said it, but he didn't feel it. He didn't feel that I loved him." He wrapped her in his arms comfortingly.
"Maybe it's not just because you came back, maybe it was before that."
"But the guide said that I was full of love! That it was brighter than the fire, and that love was pain, but it was my nature to risk the pain. And that love would lead me to my gift. And it did. Either Dawn or I had to die, and I gave up my life for her's. Because I loved her. But now, I don't feel it. I'm pushing my friends away, without even trying. And I look in the mirror, and I see my reflection, but it's someone I don't know, Angel! I don't recognize who I am anymore. I don't know who I am."
"I do. You're Buffy Ann Summers. Daughter of Joyce and Hank, sister to Dawn. Best friend of Willow Rosenburg and Xander Harris. You live at 1340 Revello Drive, Sunydale, California. You're the Slayer, the one girl in every generation born with the."
"Enough. I can't.I don't want to hear it. When I look in the mirror, I see an old woman. She has worry lines etched across her face, and her eyes are hard. Her mouth is pinched, even when she smiles. And it looks like she bearly ever smiles."
"That's not what I see." She looked up at him. "I see a lively young girl, whose spirit is strong and willful. She's aged beyond her years, yeah, but she's still just as beautiful as she was when she was fifteen. Older, maturer, but still as beautiful.
"I see a woman that can walk into a room, and heads will turn. I see laugh lines, and her eyes are deep, mysterious, and sad, like she's seen much sorrow in her short life, which makes her all the more beautiful and mysterious. There's also a fire in those green eyes, and even though she may grumble, she does what she has to, to survive, and loves a good fight.
"I see a woman who's overcome prophecies, and rebelled against a Council of older, wiser people, and still did a better job than they would have. I see a woman who never gives up, on herself, her family, her friends. A woman who overcomes all odds, who never, ever gives up. And sometimes," His eyes bored into hers. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't, "if I look hard enough, I can see into her soul, which burns with such goodness and purity. I see the woman I loved, still love." A strand of hair fell across her face, and he smoothed it away, tucking it behind her ear, without breaking eye contact.
"Angel."
"Shhh.." he didn't want the moment to end. But then she looked away, and the spell was broken. "Buffy, I don't know what came over me. I should have never said that."
"Angel. Thank you. For everything. Um, I have to get back. I wish I could stay, but.."
"Can I drive you home? It's the least I could do. It's not like I have anything to do tomorrow."
"Thank you."
~ * ~
He pulled into the driveway, and looked at the sleeping woman beside him. She was so peaceful, as she rested her head against his shoulder. He didn't want to wake her. But he had to.
"Buffy. Buffy." He said quietly, shaking her softly.
"yngh" She groaned, stretching. "We're here already?"
"Yeah. You can stay as long as you want, though."
She looked up at the house. Her window was down, but his was rolled up. The rising sun glinted off the house windows. "No, Dawn has school tomorrow, well, today. Willow, and Tara are there, but I should still be there. You know, doing the mom thing. Since that's my job now."
"Yeah."
"I wish you didn't have to leave. Seeing you again.it's brought back some feeling."
"But I have to. I'm not apart of your life anymore. We have separate lives now. Yours is here, and mine is in L.A. We have separate interests, separate jobs, or lack their of. And knowing you're alive, makes my nights a bit brighter. Or, well, darker, whatever." She raised her eyebrows at him. "What?"
"Whatever? You've been hanging around Cordy too much. That girl rubs off on you." Then she realized how that sounded. "no, that's not what I meant, I meant." She was at a loss for words.
"Good bye, Buffy."
"Bye." She said quietly. She got out of the car, and walked up the walk. He watched her go up the stairs, and unlock the door, before driving off.
She watched him drive away. She waved, and whispered. "I love you." To the air, before turning around and going inside to hassle Dawn about school.
"Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here." She walks toward kitchen "I'll be back."
Buffy exits into the kitchen.
"I bet its creditors. The hounding's begun. I read about it. So you think we'll starve?" Dawn asks Giles.
"I very much doubt it."
"No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly-ventilated sweatshop?"
"Poorly-ventilated ... What have you been reading?" Buffy returns, walking quickly and purposefully toward the front door.
"Buffy, what is it?" Giles asks her, concerned. She turns back to face them, pauses for a moment before speaking.
"Angel."
"Is he in trouble?"
"He knows that I'm ... He, he needs to see me. I have to see him."
"Yes, of course. You'll leave for L.A. tomorrow."
"Not L.A." She shakes her head. "And not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a, a place."
"I see. Well, we should get all these ... bills and things out of the way before."
"I gotta go now." She starts to leave, pauses and turns back again. "Um, thanks for taking care of this for me." She exits, leaving Dawn and Giles staring at each other in dismay in the trashed living room.
~ * ~
"Buffy, Hi." Angel said, walking up to her in the dark alleyway, a bit nervous.
"Angel." He hugs her, then tentivly kisses her. She tenses, she didn't even know she did it, it had become almost a natural thing, since she had.
"It's been so long. How are you holding up?" He asks, concerned.
"Good. You?"
"Buffy, you died. That's not exactly a 'good' thing."
"Yeah. It's just so.strange."
"I bet. I know.I mean.I know what you went through, or what I think you went through. What did you go through?"
"I died, to save the world. And. I haven't told anybody this. Everyone thinks I was in hell."
"But you weren't?"
"No. I was.happy. No bills, no demons, no problems, either natural or supernatural to deal with. I was at peace. And now."
"It must be hard to cope."
"You have no idea. Angel, I think I was in heaven. And I was with mom, and Jenny, and Kendra. And now, I feel like I'm in hell. All these things, they just keep adding up. We have no money. And bills, I have no job. I have to work, for the first time in my life, besides slaying."
"It's awful. Buffy.after you died, I had a dream about you."
"I know."
"And.you do?" He stopped, confused.
"Yeah. I was there. I don't know how I got there, but I was. And what I told you was true. You needed to let go, so that we both could be at peace. See what happens when you don't let go? Willow couldn't let me go. And now, I'm expelled from heaven, never to go there again."
"No, that's not true! Buffy, you can't think that!"
"Why not?"
"Because. Buffy, life has its ups and downs, even an unlife. If, with everything that you've done, all those times you've saved the world, you got into heaven, then you can, you will do it again. Because that's who you are, Buffy. You're a good person. Don't ever think for a moment that you aren't."
"But.Angel.I had received my 'gift'."
"What gift?"
"Oh.." She walked a ways away, then started again, not looking at him, her back to him. "It was something the First Slayer told me. Death is my gift. At first, I thought that it was a gift I gave to others, but now I understand. It was my gift, my reward, for all I did. For every time I saved the world. I was done, I had done my duty, and I was all set. This wasn't like the last time I died, Angel. I was gone.for three months! I was happy! I had moved on, to a better life. Mom was there." She stressed this point.
"Oh, Buffy." He walked up to her, silent as always, and wrapped her in his arms, forgetting that they weren't together, just for a few minutes.
"This is just.I don't think I can do it anymore, Angel. I don't feel attached to anyone, anything. It's like my heart just isn't there any more." A tear slid down her cheek, the first time she'd cried since she'd died. "I try, I do. But the emotions just aren't there. And, the more I try, the weirder things get. Like I'm auditioning for a play, and I got the part, even though I don't deserve it. I shouldn't be here."
"Believe it or not, I understand perfectly, Buffy. As a vampire, Angelus, there is no feelings of remorse, no real feelings of love, no true anger, no true sadness. It's a simple life to live. But.you can't go on like this."
"Don't you think I know that?!" She spun on her heel to face him, and he could see the tears rolling freely down her face. "Angel, it's scary! I used to love my friends, Dawn. But now.. It's not that I don't, It's almost like I couldn't care less. It's frightening."
"How do you feel about me?" He murmured, she wasn't supposed to hear, but she did, because they were so close.
"I'm not sure. I.I hadn't thought of you once since I came back, but hearing your voice, brought back memories. Normally, it's hard to forget, but I managed. Now, it's so easy. But not here, not with you right here. I can.feel the love I used to feel for you, but.I don't know." She sighed.
"Do you feel like your incapable to love?"
"Yes!" She said, surprised, he'd hit the nail on the head.
"What does.Riley? Think of this?"
"He's gone. He left right after Mom died, but before I." she couldn't get herself to say it. "The government took him back. He's so stupid." She started to get mad.
"What did he do? Did he hurt you?"
"No. He wanted to know, what it was like."
"What what was like?"
"Getting bitten. Dracula came to town. He did his voodoo whatever mind control, and he bit me. And I hid it. And when he found out, he freaked. And..I think it was Xander, that said it was no big deal, it wasn't the first time. So I had to explain about you, and the Master. He was paying them to bite him!"
"Yeah, I've heard of that. No bodies, and cash. Pretty good set up." She gave him a withering glare.
"And then he said that if I didn't give him a reason to stay, he was leaving. He said that maybe I said it, but he didn't feel it. He didn't feel that I loved him." He wrapped her in his arms comfortingly.
"Maybe it's not just because you came back, maybe it was before that."
"But the guide said that I was full of love! That it was brighter than the fire, and that love was pain, but it was my nature to risk the pain. And that love would lead me to my gift. And it did. Either Dawn or I had to die, and I gave up my life for her's. Because I loved her. But now, I don't feel it. I'm pushing my friends away, without even trying. And I look in the mirror, and I see my reflection, but it's someone I don't know, Angel! I don't recognize who I am anymore. I don't know who I am."
"I do. You're Buffy Ann Summers. Daughter of Joyce and Hank, sister to Dawn. Best friend of Willow Rosenburg and Xander Harris. You live at 1340 Revello Drive, Sunydale, California. You're the Slayer, the one girl in every generation born with the."
"Enough. I can't.I don't want to hear it. When I look in the mirror, I see an old woman. She has worry lines etched across her face, and her eyes are hard. Her mouth is pinched, even when she smiles. And it looks like she bearly ever smiles."
"That's not what I see." She looked up at him. "I see a lively young girl, whose spirit is strong and willful. She's aged beyond her years, yeah, but she's still just as beautiful as she was when she was fifteen. Older, maturer, but still as beautiful.
"I see a woman that can walk into a room, and heads will turn. I see laugh lines, and her eyes are deep, mysterious, and sad, like she's seen much sorrow in her short life, which makes her all the more beautiful and mysterious. There's also a fire in those green eyes, and even though she may grumble, she does what she has to, to survive, and loves a good fight.
"I see a woman who's overcome prophecies, and rebelled against a Council of older, wiser people, and still did a better job than they would have. I see a woman who never gives up, on herself, her family, her friends. A woman who overcomes all odds, who never, ever gives up. And sometimes," His eyes bored into hers. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't, "if I look hard enough, I can see into her soul, which burns with such goodness and purity. I see the woman I loved, still love." A strand of hair fell across her face, and he smoothed it away, tucking it behind her ear, without breaking eye contact.
"Angel."
"Shhh.." he didn't want the moment to end. But then she looked away, and the spell was broken. "Buffy, I don't know what came over me. I should have never said that."
"Angel. Thank you. For everything. Um, I have to get back. I wish I could stay, but.."
"Can I drive you home? It's the least I could do. It's not like I have anything to do tomorrow."
"Thank you."
~ * ~
He pulled into the driveway, and looked at the sleeping woman beside him. She was so peaceful, as she rested her head against his shoulder. He didn't want to wake her. But he had to.
"Buffy. Buffy." He said quietly, shaking her softly.
"yngh" She groaned, stretching. "We're here already?"
"Yeah. You can stay as long as you want, though."
She looked up at the house. Her window was down, but his was rolled up. The rising sun glinted off the house windows. "No, Dawn has school tomorrow, well, today. Willow, and Tara are there, but I should still be there. You know, doing the mom thing. Since that's my job now."
"Yeah."
"I wish you didn't have to leave. Seeing you again.it's brought back some feeling."
"But I have to. I'm not apart of your life anymore. We have separate lives now. Yours is here, and mine is in L.A. We have separate interests, separate jobs, or lack their of. And knowing you're alive, makes my nights a bit brighter. Or, well, darker, whatever." She raised her eyebrows at him. "What?"
"Whatever? You've been hanging around Cordy too much. That girl rubs off on you." Then she realized how that sounded. "no, that's not what I meant, I meant." She was at a loss for words.
"Good bye, Buffy."
"Bye." She said quietly. She got out of the car, and walked up the walk. He watched her go up the stairs, and unlock the door, before driving off.
She watched him drive away. She waved, and whispered. "I love you." To the air, before turning around and going inside to hassle Dawn about school.