Author's note: This fic was written for Chibizoo's fanfic contest. The
guidelines were very specific, and I ask that you read the entire story
before coming to any conclusions, since the beginning is a bit misleading.
The story isn't very long, so please read all of it.
Warnings: Character death, slight Kaiba/Yugi Song credit: My Immortal, by Evanescence
Enjoy!
**~~**
Last Goodbye
"Please don't fight him."
The young voice sounded worried, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to listen to it.
"This won't help you."
I had every intention of telling the voice to shut up, to mind its own business, but as soon as I turned my attention away from my opponent, he pounced. I felt the fist strike my jaw, which numbed the entire right side of my face, before blossoming into a symphony of pain. Instead of the pain crippling me, it served to wake me up. My senses were on full alert and my body was tight with tension. I felt alive for the first time in what seemed like eternity. I shifted into a defensive crouch, the martial arts training I'd been forced to undertake as a child clicking into place. My vision was hazy, almost black, so I couldn't see my opponent, but I knew he was there.
I felt a presence beside me and dodged, but not before striking back. My hand connected with something solid, and I heard a grunt. My attacker threw a few blows as well, but I blocked them. I wasn't going to let him lay another hand on me. My breath was slow and even, and my body moved with practiced ease. My opponent gasped for breath beside me, and I bared my teeth as I hit him again. I felt something warm on my fist, but I didn't pay attention to what it was. I had to eliminate the threat first.
"Stop it, stop it!" The young voice was panicked now. "Someone stop this now!"
Two sets of hands suddenly grabbed me and dragged me to the floor. They pinned my chest to the ground so that my throbbing cheek scraped against the rough surface as I tried to break free. I was immobilized from the waist up, but my legs were still free. I kicked and felt my foot connect with something soft. Encouraged, I continued to kick at anything that got in the way. The rage that had been bubbling on the edge of the careful control I'd been maintaining for the last few days broke free, and I pulled away from the hands holding me. I was only free for a few seconds, before I was in the grip of the strong hands once again.
"Kaiba, you son of a bitch! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What's gotten into you?"
"You're acting like a caged animal."
"Man, I've never seen Kaiba loose his cool like that."
The words came to me as if through a fog. It took several tries until I could decipher what was being said. It took even longer to realize that the words were directed at me. As I returned to myself, I found that I was on my knees in front of the school. My arms had been twisted behind my back, and my legs were pinned down by something or someone I couldn't see.
"Are you insane? You could kill someone fighting like that."
I didn't recognize the voice and was startled to see one of the seniors snarling down at me. I found a similar guy on my other side. They tightened their hold on my arms, which made it impossible for me to break free. I shook my head to clear some of the remaining fuzziness, and then lowered it to catch my breath. My uniform jacket had come open during the fight and my white shirt was splattered with blood. The sight jostled me and reminded me of a similar sight when someone else's blood had stained my clothing. I tried to get up, away from the memory, but the two guys holding me wouldn't let go.
It was then that I heard a woman crying. I looked up and realized for the first time that I was not alone with my two guards. Wheeler lay on the ground in front of me. The front of his shirt and jacket were soaked in blood. He was holding his nose, and I could see blood seeping out from underneath his fingers. Tea sat beside him, trying to stop the bleeding. The white cloth she had put over Wheeler's nose had been soaked through with blood, and it dawned on me that she was the one crying. Yugi sat beside Wheeler, looking worriedly at him, and then at me. He held a hand over his mouth, and I could see blood leaking from underneath his fingers as well.
I turned away, avoiding Yugi's confused, questioning, and somewhat condemning gaze. I was concerned for him, wanted to ask if he was okay, but refrained from doing so. He was my greatest weakness, my greatest desire, and I was not about to let him know that I gave a damn about him.
"You son of a bitch. It was just a stupid comment, Kaiba. You didn't have to break his nose, you bastard."
Tristan was glaring at me, his fists clenched at his sides. I had a feeling that if the two upperclassmen weren't holding me down, Tristan would attempt to beat me to a pulp. The ironic part of the situation was that I didn't remember what Wheeler had said.
"He said that if it weren't for your little brother, no one else would love you."
It was the young voice again. I'd give anything if I could stop hearing it, but had a feeling it wasn't going to leave me alone any time soon. It was right, though. I now remember how Wheeler's idiotic comment had shattered the wall of control I'd barely been able to hold up over the last week. He deserved it, though. He should know when to keep his mouth shut.
"What is going on here?"
I knew that voice. It wasn't one I wanted to hear right now.
"Principal Watanabe, Seto Kaiba just attacked Joey Wheeler and Yugi Moto," Tristan said.
I didn't attack Yugi. I couldn't have, because I would never harm him. I would gladly beat up his stupid friends, but never him. I looked in his direction again and saw that he was on his knees beside Wheeler. Small gurgling sounds could be heard from the stupid mutt, and I actually saw tears running down Yugi's cheeks, to go along with the blood on his face. The left side of his mouth was bruised, and his lips were already swollen from the blow. Blood had dribbled down his chin and neck to splatter on his white shirt and on the golden puzzle around his neck. Had I done that to him?
It came to me a bit clearer then. Wheeler had been his normal, stupid self, and said that stupid comment. I said something back, and he'd hit me. I merely defended myself. I'm not sure how Yugi came to be hurt, but I hadn't hurt him. For all I know, Wheeler could have hit him.
"Mr. Kaiba, is what Mr. Taylor said true?"
I glared at the two guys holding me down, and they wisely released me. They were bigger and broader than me, but I had no doubt I could take them if they tried anything. I got to my feet, dusted the dirt off my uniform and turned to face the principal.
"Wheeler attacked me first. I just defended myself."
"What about Mr. Moto?"
I shrugged. "He should know better than to get in the middle of a fight, especially with his height disadvantage."
The principal glared at me, and then walked to Wheeler.
"Mr. Kaiba, go to my office right now. The rest of you take Mr. Wheeler and Mr. Moto to the nurse. You can handle that, right?"
"Yes, sir," Tea replied through her sobs.
I watched the idiots sort out who was going to carry Wheeler, and then turned away in disgust. I didn't wait to be escorted to the principal's office. I picked up my briefcase from where I had dropped it and walked to where I'd been told to go. I don't usually follow orders, but this gave me an excuse to get away from those losers. I already knew what the principal wanted to say to me, and I didn't give a damn. I shoved open the door to the outer office, and the secretary jumped up in surprise. She gaped at me, and I glared at her in return until she looked away. I similarly shoved open the door to the principal's inner office and sat on one of the chairs in front of his desk.
Fifteen minutes later, I heard the inner door close.
"Fighting is not tolerated in this school, Mr. Kaiba."
I said nothing.
The man came around to sit on his chair, giving me a look of complete disapproval. "You break enough rules around here as it is. Blatantly attacking a fellow student will not be excused."
My jaw clenched in anger. "I did not 'blatantly attack' anyone, Mr. Watanabe. The mutt should know better than to start a fight with me."
"This wasn't just a fight. You broke Mr. Wheeler's nose and his jaw. He's on his way to Domino hospital at the moment. You damn near broke Mr. Moto's jaw as well. Lucky for you, the nurse says that it's just bruised. What do you have to say for yourself?"
"The fight was with Wheeler, not with Moto. I didn't attack him."
The principal eyed me carefully. "He apparently tried to break up the fight and you hit him."
I shrugged, disinterested in where the conversation was going. "Moto should know better than to butt in where he doesn't belong. They both got what they deserved."
The principal's eyes darkened. "I've had it with you, Mr. Kaiba. I've let too many of your transgressions go unpunished because of the funding your company gives to our school. When you start endangering others, you become too much of a liability. You're out. As of right now, you no longer attend this school."
I stared at the man for a long moment, and then laughed. "You think that's going to affect my life one bit? I didn't have to come to school in the first place. I only did it for some small amount of normalcy. I could have graduated years ago but chose not to. If you expel me, you'll only be giving me an excuse to devote all of my time to my company. I win either way."
The principal's jaw twitched. The man was obviously not used to having his authority questioned.
"Fine. Clear out your locker and don't set foot in this facility again."
I grinned. I'd never heard anything that sounded better in my life.
"It'll be my pleasure."
I left the office, making sure to slam both doors on my way out. I didn't have anything in my locker, so I immediately went to the parking lot. As I put on my seat belt, I once again saw my blood splattered shirt. This time, I couldn't shove the memories away.
****
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."
I heard someone screaming for an ambulance, but looking down at the bundle in my arms, I knew it wouldn't do any good. I felt numb; as if I were watching the events happen to someone else. It wasn't real to me, not even when I saw his blood slowly spill out of his head and stain my white trench coat red. I closed my eyes and hugged him tighter to me, wishing I could take back the last few minutes of my life and do them all over again.
****
I wrenched myself out of the memory and buttoned up my coat. There was blood on it too, but it wasn't as noticeable on the blue fabric. I started the car and peeled out of the parking lot. I felt hot tears sliding down my cheeks, but didn't bother to wipe them away. There'd be no use, anyway. More would just take their place.
*I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears*
"Turning everyone against you isn't going to help you deal with the pain."
I didn't turn in the direction of the voice this time, because I knew he'd be there. I'd been seeing and hearing him ever since the accident and I refused to acknowledge his presence. It wasn't that I was afraid to admit I was going crazy because I was seeing ghosts. No, I just didn't want to admit that he was dead.
*And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone*
I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going, so I was surprised to find myself in front of Domino Elementary School. It was the middle of the day, so classes were still in session. I pulled up next to the playground, and killed the engine. I sat in my car for a while, wondering what I was doing here. The more I looked at the play ground, the more I knew I had to be there. I opened the door and was about to get out when I heard him again.
"This isn't a good idea. You shouldn't go back there."
I hesitated for a fraction of a second before getting out of the car and slamming the door shut. I suddenly felt chilled, and crossed my arms against my chest for warmth. I walked to the playground, but stopped where the yellow police tape warned people to stay out. A bitter smile crossed my face, and I trampled the tape with my foot.
The swings swayed gently in the breeze, and the leaves on the trees fell to the ground, littering it with specks of brown and red. I had eyes for nothing but the bars next to the swings, the ones kids usually hang off of by their knees. There were three of them of various heights. I was drawn to the tallest one and kept walking until I stood beside it. I looked down and my eyes watered again when I saw the small, dark brown patch underneath the bar.
****
"Mokuba, let's go! I'm already running late."
I spotted him on the playground beside one of his friends. They were standing on top of the tallest bar, and just seeing him up there made me nervous. Mokuba was athletic and had gotten the same martial arts training I had, but it still made me edgy when he pulled stunts like this one.
"Didn't you hear me? Mokuba? Mokuba!"
He turned to me then, his grey eyes widening in surprise at my arrival, and then narrowing in guilt at what I was seeing him do. He lowered his head, which was why he didn't notice when his friend nudged him in the side. The nudge was small, but Mokuba had apparently lost his concentration on what he was doing. His head shot up, eyes widening in fear. I was momentarily confused, until I realized that Mokuba had lost his balance. He tipped to one side, his face turning in the direction of the fall. I stood rooted to my spot, unable to make a sound, unable to make myself move to catch him.
His head struck one of the lower bars, and the sound of bone breaking was loud enough to break my paralysis. I ran to him, but didn't reach him in time. His body hit the ground with a loud thud. I kneeled next to him and cradled him in my arms. His face was bloody and his bangs were plastered to his face. A scream lodged itself in my throat, rendering me mute.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."
I heard Mokuba's friend, but didn't pay attention to him. I heard someone else screaming for an ambulance, but looking down at the bundle in my arms, I knew that it wouldn't do any good. I felt numb; as if I were watching the events happen to someone else. It wasn't real to me, not even when I saw his blood slowly spill out of his head and stain my white trench coat red. I closed my eyes and hugged him tighter to me, wishing I could take back the last few minutes of my life and do them all over again.
My breath came in short gasps, and I felt as if I were slowly suffocating. I heard nothing, except for the blood pounding in my ears. I felt hands on my shoulders, on my arms, but I refused to let go of my brother.
"Please, sir, let us take him to the hospital."
The man's voice finally penetrated the roaring in my head, and I looked up to see a paramedic kneeling beside me. They'd laid a stretcher on the ground and were telling me to put Mokuba on it. I didn't want to do it, didn't want to let go of my brother, but they finally managed to pry him out of my arms. They rushed the stretcher to the ambulance while another paramedic pulled me to my feet.
"Are you related to the boy?"
I couldn't get my mind to form a coherent sentence, so I nodded.
"You'll want to come with us to the hospital."
The paramedic led me to the ambulance, and I slowly got in. They had Mokuba attached to a lot of machines, but I didn't see his chest rise or fall with his breath. I slipped to the side and lay a hand on his neck, but didn't find a pulse. The paramedic in front of me gave me a sympathetic glance, and it was enough to snap me back into focus.
I took a deep breath and pulled my control over myself like a cloak. I sat back and glared at the paramedic until he looked away. No one else said anything to me after that, not until the doctors told me Mokuba had broken his neck and fractured his skull in the fall. No one else bothered to care.
****
*These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase*
The brown patch blurred, and I realized I was crying again. I shook my head in disgust. Crying was for idiots, and I am most certainly not an idiot. I wiped my cheeks and left the playground. Once I was in the safety of my car, I let out a shuddering sigh.
"Please, Seto, get help. You can't deal with this alone."
I turned to the passenger seat, finally acknowledging the presence of my brother's spirit.
"You're gone, Mokuba. There's no one left to help me, no one left to care, so I have to deal with this alone."
*When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me*
**~~**
I drove to Kaiba Corp. instead of going home. The mansion had become unbearable to me since the day I buried my brother. Its large rooms suffocated me, the endless corridors seemed like a metaphor for my life: long and empty. The staff didn't know what to do with me, so they'd taken to avoiding me at all times. It was amusing to see them scurrying out of my way when I walked past.
Kaiba Corp. was bustling with activity when I arrived. I went to the floor where the programmers worked and walked among them, checking their work, making sure everything was on schedule. No one treated me any differently. They acknowledged my presence, answered my questions, and then continued with their work as they'd always done. It was lulling, in a way, to not matter to these people. They only put up with me because I signed their paychecks, and I had no problem with that. No involvement meant no pain, and that was fine with me.
I stopped by a cubicle to find the young man playing a game when he should have been working on updates to the latest virtual reality software. It took him a while to realize I was standing behind him, but when he did, his face paled. He was a few years older than me, in his early twenties, but he was terrified of me.
"Mr. Kaiba. I hadn't realized you were standing there."
"I don't pay you to play games, do I?" I asked.
I came looking for a reason to get angry, to vent my loss and grief in the form of anger, and this poor bastard had just given me what I was looking for.
"No, sir, you don't."
"Then why are you wasting my resources and my money?"
The man didn't reply.
"I may be younger than you, but I'm not stupid," I said, my voice as cold and as loud as I could make it without yelling. I wanted them to hate me, to yell at me, to tell me to go to hell. "I don't hire you to play games on my time, using my computers. If you're going to do that, I suggest you go home."
Every head within a ten foot radius had turned in my direction, and I glared at each of them in turn. Most lowered their head or avoided my eyes, and I smiled inwardly, satisfied. I turned back to the reason for my wrath.
"Didn't you hear me, I said go home," I said. "Don't bother to come back."
I stood inside the man's cubicle as he packed up his few belongings and then left the floor, his peers watching as he left. Some turned back to face me, and while I saw anger in their eyes, I knew they wouldn't say anything to me.
"Anyone else want give me a reason to fire you?" I asked the room in general.
No one spoke. Slowly, as if afraid to enrage me any further, they all returned to their work. I took one more look at the now empty cubicle before leaving the floor.
**~~**
I was in the elevator on the way to the lobby when he appeared again. I'd be amused, if seeing and hearing him didn't feel like my heart was being shredded into pieces.
*You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind*
"Did that make you feel better, Seto? The guy you just fired has a newborn baby and a wife to feed."
I shrugged. "He shouldn't have been playing games on my time. He knows better."
Mokuba shook his head. "Getting mad at your employees won't heal the hole in your heart, big brother. They're not the ones you should be trying to get comfort from."
I laughed bitterly. "Okay, wise guy, who am I supposed to go talk to then? I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have anyone anymore," I said.
"Yugi cares."
I chuckled. I couldn't help myself.
"So you've become an expert in these matters in the seven days you've been dead?" I asked, bitterness and anger lacing my tone. I cleared my throat, determined not to break down anymore.
*Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me*
"He knows about me, Seto. I saw him crying at my gravesite earlier today. I know how you feel about him. I always knew."
I rested my forehead against the cool wall of the elevator. I was so tired. I was tired of being in control; I was tried of pretending that everything was okay. A ghostly hand came into view and I shivered as coldness seeped into my skin. Mokuba's hand hovered over mine, but did not touch it.
"What's the point in talking to Yugi? He'll never, ever feel the same way about me. He would never go against his friends," I said, spelling out for the first time the real reason I stayed away from Yugi, the reason I hated him and loved him at the same time. His friends hated me. Hell, Yami hated me. Even if Yugi had ever seen me as anything other than an annoying nuisance, he wouldn't risk alienating his friends and the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle to explore those feelings.
"How do you know that unless you ask?"
I shook my head and straightened my rumpled clothes.
"I'm through feeling for anyone Mokuba. I don't want to ever feel this lost and alone again."
*These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase*
**~~**
*When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me*
I had to get out of Kaiba Corporation before I made a fool out of myself. Whatever control I'd achieved in the elevator was threatening to crumble around me, and I had to get to the safety of my car before anyone saw me lose it. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going; my only concern was getting to the front door and out into the sunlight. I walked as fast as I could without actually running, my head lowered, so I didn't see the man standing directly in my path until I had bumped into him. The force of the collision was not great, but I was so agitated that I was caught off balance and landed on my rear. My briefcase flew out of my hand and ended up on someone else's feet. My only saving grace was that the man I had bumped into landed on his rear as well.
I got up and dusted off my clothes. I turned to see if the man I'd knocked down was okay, but a woman's gasp caught my attention. She was looking at me, her finger pointing at my face and then my chest.
"Are you okay?" she asked. "What happened to you?"
I didn't recognize the woman and didn't think she worked for Kaiba Corp. Her dramatics had drawn the attention of several people, who were now looking at me. I looked down at my blood stained uniform jacket, for the first time remembering the fight with Joey. I had meant to go to my office to get one of my trench coats but had completely forgotten. It was a wonder that none of the programmers had said anything. Then again, they knew better.
"It's none of your business, now if you'll excuse me."
"Not so fast, Mr. Kaiba. My wife and I are here to talk to you."
I glanced back at the woman and saw the man I'd knocked down standing next to her. There was something familiar about them, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"Right now is not a good time. Call my secretary and make an appointment," I said. I started to turn away, but the man's hand on my arm stopped me. I whirled around, glared at him, and yanked my arm out of his grasp. "Don't touch me."
"Mr. Kaiba, I know that you're going through a difficult time right now," the woman said, "one look at you tells me that much, but if you're going to sue us, we'd like to be prepared."
"Why would I want to sue you?" I asked, genuinely confused.
The two of them looked from one to the other, until the man spoke.
"Our son told us that he didn't mean to push your brother off the bar, and we believe him. However, we know about your reputation as a ruthless businessman, and since we're dealing with the death of your brother, we're afraid that you're going to retaliate and sue my son."
I stood gaping at the man, the blood in my veins turning to ice. I felt numb, completely and utterly without feeling. My mouth moved, but it took a full five minutes to form words.
"I just buried my little brother, and you're worried about me suing you?" I asked in disbelief at the stupidity of these people. "Why would I?" I yelled. "You have nothing I want. Suing you won't turn back time, it won't bring my little brother back from the dead, so why would I waste my time?"
When I was finished, almost everyone in the lobby was staring at me, their mouths hanging open. I was shaking, my breath coming in quick pants. Tears blurred my vision, and I knew that if one fell, I would not be able to stop the rest. I turned away from them, desperately looking for my briefcase. I found it in the hands of the man I had just fired. He held it out to me, a look of pity on his face. I dashed out of the building as if the devil himself were chasing after me.
I didn't bother to go to the garage to get my car. I wanted to be as far away from the building as I possibly could. I ran as if my life depended on it, dashing across intersections without waiting to see if it was safe to cross. Cars honked at me, and I wished they would run me over and put me out of my misery. A few came close, but none actually hit me. I ran and ran, not knowing where I was going, just wanting to feel the wind on my face, wanting to concentrate on anything other than the crushing weight of my grief. I'd been pretending that everything was okay, that I was okay and could move on, could deal with my brother's death like I dealt with everything else: calmly and quickly. The sad truth was that I was anything but okay. I was falling apart. My brother's death was going to eat me up inside little by little and I was unwilling to do anything about it.
I collapsed halfway to my house in front of a little park. I fell to my knees, the dull thud of my briefcase hitting the concrete barely registering. I was sobbing uncontrollably, barely able to catch my breath. I wrapped my arms around my chest, feeling the dull pain slowly consuming me.
"I can't do this anymore," I whispered between sobs. "Oh, God, I can't do this. Mokuba was everything to me; I don't know how to be without him."
* I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along*
A pair of arms wrapped around me, and for a moment I thought it was my brother's spirit wanting to comfort me. I turned my head and found a tear filled pair of violet eyes looking at me over my shoulder. Yugi smiled, as much as he could with his swollen lips, but the genuine sympathy in his eyes was enough to make me cry harder. I knew I should stop crying, that Yugi would think I was a wimp if I didn't, but I couldn't stop.
"Let it out, Kaiba, let it out."
Yugi walked around so that he was kneeling in front of me and wrapped me in his arms. I clung to him, as if I were clinging to a life preserver in the middle of an angry ocean. At that moment, Yugi was the only thing keeping me from sinking into the black hole of my own grief. He rubbed my back and whispered something I couldn't understand in my ear. I didn't care what he said; all I cared about was that his voice was grounding me to the present, pulling me out of the hole.
After what seemed like an eternity, Yugi stood me up. He picked up my briefcase and led me towards a still running car parked on the street. I let him push me into the passenger's seat, and it wasn't until he got in behind the wheel that I realized I was sitting in my car, the one I'd left at Kaiba Corp.
"How'd you get my car?" I asked. I had the keys in my pocket, so there was no way Yugi could be driving it.
Yugi had the decency to look ashamed as he put on his seat belt and put the car in gear.
"I was going to Kaiba Corp. to talk to you. I saw you drive by on the way there, and by the time I got there, I saw you rush out," Yugi explained. "I knew I'd never catch you on foot, so I borrowed the car."
I wiped the tears with my sleeve as Yugi pulled out into the afternoon traffic. I didn't even know he could drive, and to see him doing it surprised me. My car was not the easiest to handle, which is why I liked it, but Yugi was having no trouble with it.
"I have the keys," I said, even as I noticed that there was no key in the ignition.
Yugi chuckled. "Joey taught me how to hot wire a car a few years ago. I'll rewire it when we get to your house."
Once we reached the mansion, I had to lean out of the driver's side window so that the security system could identify my voice. In doing so, I got really close to Yugi. My hand brushed his legs as I tried to find leverage, and I heard a slight gasp from him. I filed it away for later analysis as Yugi drove to my front door. He leaned down and messed with some of the wiring underneath the steering wheel, and the engine shut off. I got out of the car and waited for him to do the same.
"You should come in, Yugi. We have some things to talk about," I said.
Yugi looked panicked for a moment, before his features smoothed out into a mask of calmness.
"Like what?" he asked.
I gestured to my blood stained uniform, his blood stained uniform, and then his face.
"About what happened this morning at school," I said.
Yugi nodded. "We have to talk about Mokuba too."
With difficulty, I nodded. "Yes, we have to talk about him too."
We made our way into the house, and I led Yugi up to my office. I hesitated a moment, before changing my mind and leading him to my room instead. He seemed puzzled, but followed anyway.
"I want to change out of the uniform and figured you'd want to do the same. I'll get a shirt for you and you can change in Mokuba's room," I explained, pointing to the door a few feet away from my room.
"Okay," was all Yugi said.
I got him one of my tee shirts before getting any clothes for myself. The shirt would be a little long for him, but it was better than what he was wearing now. He thanked me and quickly made his way to Mokuba's room.
"What the hell am I doing?" I asked as I closed the door to my room.
I went into the closet and changed into a pair of slacks and a black turtleneck. I left the bloody clothes in a bundle on the floor for the maid to pick up later. I was not going to touch those again. I leaned against the door and wondered why I'd brought Yugi to my house. What was I thinking? I was already a mess from my little breakdown in the park, and I wasn't any better now. How was I going to talk to him?
"Be yourself, Seto," Mokuba said from my bed. "Just be you, don't pretend to be the cold hearted CEO that everyone expects you to be. Yugi wants to help, let him."
Looking at my brother's spirit, I had a feeling I'd been set up.
"You had something to do with this, didn't you?"
Mokuba shrugged. "I may have gone to talk to Yugi, given him a push in your direction."
My eyes widened. "He can see you?"
Mokuba laughed. "Seto, he talks to the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle, who has been dead a lot longer than I have. Why wouldn't he be able to see me?"
I sighed. He had a point.
"So you made him come and talk to me?" I asked.
"He wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be, Seto. Don't be so hard headed."
I sighed again.
"Go talk to him," Mokuba said and disappeared.
"Go talk to him, easy for you to say," I grumbled but left my room.
I stood in the hall outside Mokuba's room for a long time, willing myself to go in there. Finally, I took a deep breath and went inside. The room was exactly the same as it had been the last time Mokuba was in it. The various toys and games had not been disturbed. Mokuba's backpack had been picked up from where I'd dropped it the day of his death and put on the desk at the far side of the room.
Yugi was sitting on the bed, watching me. The shirt I'd let him borrow had been tucked into his uniform pants, making him look a bit bigger than he was.
"I'm sorry for hitting you," I said, pointing at his face. "How much damage was there?"
Yugi shrugged as he got to his feet. "You knocked out a tooth, but nothing more."
I mulled that over. I knocked out a tooth? I couldn't even remember hitting him.
"How's the mutt?"
Yugi's eyes clouded over for a moment at the mention of Wheeler.
"He had to have his mouth wired shut so the jaw could heal. His nose was broken and will probably be crooked for the rest of his life."
I looked away from Yugi as he told me that. Was that remorse I felt for what I'd done to the mutt? It couldn't be, could it?
"He didn't know about Mokuba, Kaiba. You shouldn't have reacted the way you did," Yugi said.
"He hit me first," I volleyed.
"He throws punches at you all the time. You've never broken his jaw before."
I sighed. Yugi always sounded so reasonable. "I'll pay for his medical bills."
Yugi nodded. "That'd be nice, since his family can't afford the extra expense."
I walked over to Yugi and sat him on the bed. I took a seat beside him and faced him.
"Is that why you came, to ask that I pay for Wheeler's medical bills?" I asked, my voice sounding harsher than I intended. I saw hurt cross through Yugi's eyes, before it went away.
"Partly, yes. I also thought you'd need someone to talk to about Mokuba. I'm so sorry about what happened. It was a stupid accident."
"How did you find out? I didn't tell anyone."
"One of our customers was in the playground that day with his son. He told us about it."
We were both silent for a while, until he spoke.
"You don't have to do this alone, Kaiba. I want to help you."
The look on his face was so open and loving that for a moment, I thought he felt for me what I felt for him. I put my hand on his uninjured cheek, leaned down and pressed my lips gingerly to his. When Yugi didn't respond, I pulled away and stood up, my back to him. He hadn't returned the kiss. I felt as if the hole that had almost swallowed me up earlier had opened again and was waiting to suck me in. I was so stupid to think that he could ever. . .
"Look at me, Kaiba."
I shook my head. I couldn't look at him. I didn't think I could stand the look of disgust on his face. I felt his hand on my arm and finally turned to face him. There was no disgust on his face. Instead, there was a smile gracing the uninjured corner of his mouth.
"I didn't return the kiss because it caught me by surprise and because my lips really hurt, not because I didn't want to."
It took me a while to process what he'd said and when I did, my face broke out into a smile. "Really?"
Yugi nodded. "We're so different that I never though you would want anything to do with me, not to mention that you always treat me like dirt. That's why I was so surprised when you kissed me. It was nice, though. I enjoyed it."
I took a breath and released it, feeling a sliver of hope for the first time in a long time.
"Why don't you stay for dinner? We can talk more then."
Yugi nodded. Behind Yugi, I could see Mokuba grinning.
"Why don't you go talk to the cook, tell her what you want to eat. I'll catch up to you."
Yugi nodded again and left Mokuba's room.
"It didn't hurt to ask, did it?" Mokuba said.
"No it didn't."
Mokuba walked up to me, his transparent appearance glowing.
"I have to go now, Seto. I've done what I stayed to do."
"What do you mean?" I asked, but I knew what he meant. I just didn't want to let him go, even though he was already dead.
"I asked to stay long enough to make sure you'd survive, and I think you'll be okay now."
I kneeled so I was face to face with him, and he put one of his ghostly hands on my tear stained cheek.
"I love you, Seto. You are my hero, my loving older brother, and I'll never forget you. Thank you for what you did for me, for giving me a life worth living, even at the cost of your own." Mokuba put his other hand over my heart. "I'll always be here, Seto. I'll live as long as you remember me."
My breath caught in my throat. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I could voice none of them.
"I love you too, Mokuba," was all I could say.
He nodded, as if I were stating the obvious. "I'll be fine. I'll have mom and dad to look out for me."
As if on cue, two other presences, two adults, appeared beside Mokuba. It took me a while to recognize them, but I found myself starting at my mother and father. They came closer, and each put a hand on one of my shoulders.
"We are very proud of you, son," my father said. "We have always been."
"We'll be looking out for you, Seto," my mother added, smiling. "You'll never be alone."
I wanted to say something, tell them I loved them too, but I couldn't form any words.
"This is my last goodbye, Seto. I love you, and I know that Yugi loves you too. Live your life to the fullest and we'll be waiting for you when your time comes," Mokuba said as he, along with my parents, slowly disappeared.
I watched them go, the image of my brother and my parents forever burned into my mind. I let myself cry then, like I hadn't done since I'd lost my parents. I cried for them, for my brother, and cried for myself, until my tears had been spent.
*When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand for all of these years
But you still have
All of me*
When I could, I stood up. I took one more look around Mokuba's room, knowing that I wouldn't be in here again for a very long time. I closed the door behind me and could barely make out Yugi talking to the cook downstairs. I took a deep breath and headed down the stairs to start the first day of the rest of my life.
**~~**
*pokes head out from under desk* I always hide when I write something new. This is my first story with any hints at slash, so I hope it didn't totally suck, and I hope you enjoyed it.
Warnings: Character death, slight Kaiba/Yugi Song credit: My Immortal, by Evanescence
Enjoy!
**~~**
Last Goodbye
"Please don't fight him."
The young voice sounded worried, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to listen to it.
"This won't help you."
I had every intention of telling the voice to shut up, to mind its own business, but as soon as I turned my attention away from my opponent, he pounced. I felt the fist strike my jaw, which numbed the entire right side of my face, before blossoming into a symphony of pain. Instead of the pain crippling me, it served to wake me up. My senses were on full alert and my body was tight with tension. I felt alive for the first time in what seemed like eternity. I shifted into a defensive crouch, the martial arts training I'd been forced to undertake as a child clicking into place. My vision was hazy, almost black, so I couldn't see my opponent, but I knew he was there.
I felt a presence beside me and dodged, but not before striking back. My hand connected with something solid, and I heard a grunt. My attacker threw a few blows as well, but I blocked them. I wasn't going to let him lay another hand on me. My breath was slow and even, and my body moved with practiced ease. My opponent gasped for breath beside me, and I bared my teeth as I hit him again. I felt something warm on my fist, but I didn't pay attention to what it was. I had to eliminate the threat first.
"Stop it, stop it!" The young voice was panicked now. "Someone stop this now!"
Two sets of hands suddenly grabbed me and dragged me to the floor. They pinned my chest to the ground so that my throbbing cheek scraped against the rough surface as I tried to break free. I was immobilized from the waist up, but my legs were still free. I kicked and felt my foot connect with something soft. Encouraged, I continued to kick at anything that got in the way. The rage that had been bubbling on the edge of the careful control I'd been maintaining for the last few days broke free, and I pulled away from the hands holding me. I was only free for a few seconds, before I was in the grip of the strong hands once again.
"Kaiba, you son of a bitch! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What's gotten into you?"
"You're acting like a caged animal."
"Man, I've never seen Kaiba loose his cool like that."
The words came to me as if through a fog. It took several tries until I could decipher what was being said. It took even longer to realize that the words were directed at me. As I returned to myself, I found that I was on my knees in front of the school. My arms had been twisted behind my back, and my legs were pinned down by something or someone I couldn't see.
"Are you insane? You could kill someone fighting like that."
I didn't recognize the voice and was startled to see one of the seniors snarling down at me. I found a similar guy on my other side. They tightened their hold on my arms, which made it impossible for me to break free. I shook my head to clear some of the remaining fuzziness, and then lowered it to catch my breath. My uniform jacket had come open during the fight and my white shirt was splattered with blood. The sight jostled me and reminded me of a similar sight when someone else's blood had stained my clothing. I tried to get up, away from the memory, but the two guys holding me wouldn't let go.
It was then that I heard a woman crying. I looked up and realized for the first time that I was not alone with my two guards. Wheeler lay on the ground in front of me. The front of his shirt and jacket were soaked in blood. He was holding his nose, and I could see blood seeping out from underneath his fingers. Tea sat beside him, trying to stop the bleeding. The white cloth she had put over Wheeler's nose had been soaked through with blood, and it dawned on me that she was the one crying. Yugi sat beside Wheeler, looking worriedly at him, and then at me. He held a hand over his mouth, and I could see blood leaking from underneath his fingers as well.
I turned away, avoiding Yugi's confused, questioning, and somewhat condemning gaze. I was concerned for him, wanted to ask if he was okay, but refrained from doing so. He was my greatest weakness, my greatest desire, and I was not about to let him know that I gave a damn about him.
"You son of a bitch. It was just a stupid comment, Kaiba. You didn't have to break his nose, you bastard."
Tristan was glaring at me, his fists clenched at his sides. I had a feeling that if the two upperclassmen weren't holding me down, Tristan would attempt to beat me to a pulp. The ironic part of the situation was that I didn't remember what Wheeler had said.
"He said that if it weren't for your little brother, no one else would love you."
It was the young voice again. I'd give anything if I could stop hearing it, but had a feeling it wasn't going to leave me alone any time soon. It was right, though. I now remember how Wheeler's idiotic comment had shattered the wall of control I'd barely been able to hold up over the last week. He deserved it, though. He should know when to keep his mouth shut.
"What is going on here?"
I knew that voice. It wasn't one I wanted to hear right now.
"Principal Watanabe, Seto Kaiba just attacked Joey Wheeler and Yugi Moto," Tristan said.
I didn't attack Yugi. I couldn't have, because I would never harm him. I would gladly beat up his stupid friends, but never him. I looked in his direction again and saw that he was on his knees beside Wheeler. Small gurgling sounds could be heard from the stupid mutt, and I actually saw tears running down Yugi's cheeks, to go along with the blood on his face. The left side of his mouth was bruised, and his lips were already swollen from the blow. Blood had dribbled down his chin and neck to splatter on his white shirt and on the golden puzzle around his neck. Had I done that to him?
It came to me a bit clearer then. Wheeler had been his normal, stupid self, and said that stupid comment. I said something back, and he'd hit me. I merely defended myself. I'm not sure how Yugi came to be hurt, but I hadn't hurt him. For all I know, Wheeler could have hit him.
"Mr. Kaiba, is what Mr. Taylor said true?"
I glared at the two guys holding me down, and they wisely released me. They were bigger and broader than me, but I had no doubt I could take them if they tried anything. I got to my feet, dusted the dirt off my uniform and turned to face the principal.
"Wheeler attacked me first. I just defended myself."
"What about Mr. Moto?"
I shrugged. "He should know better than to get in the middle of a fight, especially with his height disadvantage."
The principal glared at me, and then walked to Wheeler.
"Mr. Kaiba, go to my office right now. The rest of you take Mr. Wheeler and Mr. Moto to the nurse. You can handle that, right?"
"Yes, sir," Tea replied through her sobs.
I watched the idiots sort out who was going to carry Wheeler, and then turned away in disgust. I didn't wait to be escorted to the principal's office. I picked up my briefcase from where I had dropped it and walked to where I'd been told to go. I don't usually follow orders, but this gave me an excuse to get away from those losers. I already knew what the principal wanted to say to me, and I didn't give a damn. I shoved open the door to the outer office, and the secretary jumped up in surprise. She gaped at me, and I glared at her in return until she looked away. I similarly shoved open the door to the principal's inner office and sat on one of the chairs in front of his desk.
Fifteen minutes later, I heard the inner door close.
"Fighting is not tolerated in this school, Mr. Kaiba."
I said nothing.
The man came around to sit on his chair, giving me a look of complete disapproval. "You break enough rules around here as it is. Blatantly attacking a fellow student will not be excused."
My jaw clenched in anger. "I did not 'blatantly attack' anyone, Mr. Watanabe. The mutt should know better than to start a fight with me."
"This wasn't just a fight. You broke Mr. Wheeler's nose and his jaw. He's on his way to Domino hospital at the moment. You damn near broke Mr. Moto's jaw as well. Lucky for you, the nurse says that it's just bruised. What do you have to say for yourself?"
"The fight was with Wheeler, not with Moto. I didn't attack him."
The principal eyed me carefully. "He apparently tried to break up the fight and you hit him."
I shrugged, disinterested in where the conversation was going. "Moto should know better than to butt in where he doesn't belong. They both got what they deserved."
The principal's eyes darkened. "I've had it with you, Mr. Kaiba. I've let too many of your transgressions go unpunished because of the funding your company gives to our school. When you start endangering others, you become too much of a liability. You're out. As of right now, you no longer attend this school."
I stared at the man for a long moment, and then laughed. "You think that's going to affect my life one bit? I didn't have to come to school in the first place. I only did it for some small amount of normalcy. I could have graduated years ago but chose not to. If you expel me, you'll only be giving me an excuse to devote all of my time to my company. I win either way."
The principal's jaw twitched. The man was obviously not used to having his authority questioned.
"Fine. Clear out your locker and don't set foot in this facility again."
I grinned. I'd never heard anything that sounded better in my life.
"It'll be my pleasure."
I left the office, making sure to slam both doors on my way out. I didn't have anything in my locker, so I immediately went to the parking lot. As I put on my seat belt, I once again saw my blood splattered shirt. This time, I couldn't shove the memories away.
****
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."
I heard someone screaming for an ambulance, but looking down at the bundle in my arms, I knew it wouldn't do any good. I felt numb; as if I were watching the events happen to someone else. It wasn't real to me, not even when I saw his blood slowly spill out of his head and stain my white trench coat red. I closed my eyes and hugged him tighter to me, wishing I could take back the last few minutes of my life and do them all over again.
****
I wrenched myself out of the memory and buttoned up my coat. There was blood on it too, but it wasn't as noticeable on the blue fabric. I started the car and peeled out of the parking lot. I felt hot tears sliding down my cheeks, but didn't bother to wipe them away. There'd be no use, anyway. More would just take their place.
*I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears*
"Turning everyone against you isn't going to help you deal with the pain."
I didn't turn in the direction of the voice this time, because I knew he'd be there. I'd been seeing and hearing him ever since the accident and I refused to acknowledge his presence. It wasn't that I was afraid to admit I was going crazy because I was seeing ghosts. No, I just didn't want to admit that he was dead.
*And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone*
I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going, so I was surprised to find myself in front of Domino Elementary School. It was the middle of the day, so classes were still in session. I pulled up next to the playground, and killed the engine. I sat in my car for a while, wondering what I was doing here. The more I looked at the play ground, the more I knew I had to be there. I opened the door and was about to get out when I heard him again.
"This isn't a good idea. You shouldn't go back there."
I hesitated for a fraction of a second before getting out of the car and slamming the door shut. I suddenly felt chilled, and crossed my arms against my chest for warmth. I walked to the playground, but stopped where the yellow police tape warned people to stay out. A bitter smile crossed my face, and I trampled the tape with my foot.
The swings swayed gently in the breeze, and the leaves on the trees fell to the ground, littering it with specks of brown and red. I had eyes for nothing but the bars next to the swings, the ones kids usually hang off of by their knees. There were three of them of various heights. I was drawn to the tallest one and kept walking until I stood beside it. I looked down and my eyes watered again when I saw the small, dark brown patch underneath the bar.
****
"Mokuba, let's go! I'm already running late."
I spotted him on the playground beside one of his friends. They were standing on top of the tallest bar, and just seeing him up there made me nervous. Mokuba was athletic and had gotten the same martial arts training I had, but it still made me edgy when he pulled stunts like this one.
"Didn't you hear me? Mokuba? Mokuba!"
He turned to me then, his grey eyes widening in surprise at my arrival, and then narrowing in guilt at what I was seeing him do. He lowered his head, which was why he didn't notice when his friend nudged him in the side. The nudge was small, but Mokuba had apparently lost his concentration on what he was doing. His head shot up, eyes widening in fear. I was momentarily confused, until I realized that Mokuba had lost his balance. He tipped to one side, his face turning in the direction of the fall. I stood rooted to my spot, unable to make a sound, unable to make myself move to catch him.
His head struck one of the lower bars, and the sound of bone breaking was loud enough to break my paralysis. I ran to him, but didn't reach him in time. His body hit the ground with a loud thud. I kneeled next to him and cradled him in my arms. His face was bloody and his bangs were plastered to his face. A scream lodged itself in my throat, rendering me mute.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."
I heard Mokuba's friend, but didn't pay attention to him. I heard someone else screaming for an ambulance, but looking down at the bundle in my arms, I knew that it wouldn't do any good. I felt numb; as if I were watching the events happen to someone else. It wasn't real to me, not even when I saw his blood slowly spill out of his head and stain my white trench coat red. I closed my eyes and hugged him tighter to me, wishing I could take back the last few minutes of my life and do them all over again.
My breath came in short gasps, and I felt as if I were slowly suffocating. I heard nothing, except for the blood pounding in my ears. I felt hands on my shoulders, on my arms, but I refused to let go of my brother.
"Please, sir, let us take him to the hospital."
The man's voice finally penetrated the roaring in my head, and I looked up to see a paramedic kneeling beside me. They'd laid a stretcher on the ground and were telling me to put Mokuba on it. I didn't want to do it, didn't want to let go of my brother, but they finally managed to pry him out of my arms. They rushed the stretcher to the ambulance while another paramedic pulled me to my feet.
"Are you related to the boy?"
I couldn't get my mind to form a coherent sentence, so I nodded.
"You'll want to come with us to the hospital."
The paramedic led me to the ambulance, and I slowly got in. They had Mokuba attached to a lot of machines, but I didn't see his chest rise or fall with his breath. I slipped to the side and lay a hand on his neck, but didn't find a pulse. The paramedic in front of me gave me a sympathetic glance, and it was enough to snap me back into focus.
I took a deep breath and pulled my control over myself like a cloak. I sat back and glared at the paramedic until he looked away. No one else said anything to me after that, not until the doctors told me Mokuba had broken his neck and fractured his skull in the fall. No one else bothered to care.
****
*These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase*
The brown patch blurred, and I realized I was crying again. I shook my head in disgust. Crying was for idiots, and I am most certainly not an idiot. I wiped my cheeks and left the playground. Once I was in the safety of my car, I let out a shuddering sigh.
"Please, Seto, get help. You can't deal with this alone."
I turned to the passenger seat, finally acknowledging the presence of my brother's spirit.
"You're gone, Mokuba. There's no one left to help me, no one left to care, so I have to deal with this alone."
*When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me*
**~~**
I drove to Kaiba Corp. instead of going home. The mansion had become unbearable to me since the day I buried my brother. Its large rooms suffocated me, the endless corridors seemed like a metaphor for my life: long and empty. The staff didn't know what to do with me, so they'd taken to avoiding me at all times. It was amusing to see them scurrying out of my way when I walked past.
Kaiba Corp. was bustling with activity when I arrived. I went to the floor where the programmers worked and walked among them, checking their work, making sure everything was on schedule. No one treated me any differently. They acknowledged my presence, answered my questions, and then continued with their work as they'd always done. It was lulling, in a way, to not matter to these people. They only put up with me because I signed their paychecks, and I had no problem with that. No involvement meant no pain, and that was fine with me.
I stopped by a cubicle to find the young man playing a game when he should have been working on updates to the latest virtual reality software. It took him a while to realize I was standing behind him, but when he did, his face paled. He was a few years older than me, in his early twenties, but he was terrified of me.
"Mr. Kaiba. I hadn't realized you were standing there."
"I don't pay you to play games, do I?" I asked.
I came looking for a reason to get angry, to vent my loss and grief in the form of anger, and this poor bastard had just given me what I was looking for.
"No, sir, you don't."
"Then why are you wasting my resources and my money?"
The man didn't reply.
"I may be younger than you, but I'm not stupid," I said, my voice as cold and as loud as I could make it without yelling. I wanted them to hate me, to yell at me, to tell me to go to hell. "I don't hire you to play games on my time, using my computers. If you're going to do that, I suggest you go home."
Every head within a ten foot radius had turned in my direction, and I glared at each of them in turn. Most lowered their head or avoided my eyes, and I smiled inwardly, satisfied. I turned back to the reason for my wrath.
"Didn't you hear me, I said go home," I said. "Don't bother to come back."
I stood inside the man's cubicle as he packed up his few belongings and then left the floor, his peers watching as he left. Some turned back to face me, and while I saw anger in their eyes, I knew they wouldn't say anything to me.
"Anyone else want give me a reason to fire you?" I asked the room in general.
No one spoke. Slowly, as if afraid to enrage me any further, they all returned to their work. I took one more look at the now empty cubicle before leaving the floor.
**~~**
I was in the elevator on the way to the lobby when he appeared again. I'd be amused, if seeing and hearing him didn't feel like my heart was being shredded into pieces.
*You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind*
"Did that make you feel better, Seto? The guy you just fired has a newborn baby and a wife to feed."
I shrugged. "He shouldn't have been playing games on my time. He knows better."
Mokuba shook his head. "Getting mad at your employees won't heal the hole in your heart, big brother. They're not the ones you should be trying to get comfort from."
I laughed bitterly. "Okay, wise guy, who am I supposed to go talk to then? I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have anyone anymore," I said.
"Yugi cares."
I chuckled. I couldn't help myself.
"So you've become an expert in these matters in the seven days you've been dead?" I asked, bitterness and anger lacing my tone. I cleared my throat, determined not to break down anymore.
*Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me*
"He knows about me, Seto. I saw him crying at my gravesite earlier today. I know how you feel about him. I always knew."
I rested my forehead against the cool wall of the elevator. I was so tired. I was tired of being in control; I was tried of pretending that everything was okay. A ghostly hand came into view and I shivered as coldness seeped into my skin. Mokuba's hand hovered over mine, but did not touch it.
"What's the point in talking to Yugi? He'll never, ever feel the same way about me. He would never go against his friends," I said, spelling out for the first time the real reason I stayed away from Yugi, the reason I hated him and loved him at the same time. His friends hated me. Hell, Yami hated me. Even if Yugi had ever seen me as anything other than an annoying nuisance, he wouldn't risk alienating his friends and the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle to explore those feelings.
"How do you know that unless you ask?"
I shook my head and straightened my rumpled clothes.
"I'm through feeling for anyone Mokuba. I don't want to ever feel this lost and alone again."
*These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase*
**~~**
*When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me*
I had to get out of Kaiba Corporation before I made a fool out of myself. Whatever control I'd achieved in the elevator was threatening to crumble around me, and I had to get to the safety of my car before anyone saw me lose it. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going; my only concern was getting to the front door and out into the sunlight. I walked as fast as I could without actually running, my head lowered, so I didn't see the man standing directly in my path until I had bumped into him. The force of the collision was not great, but I was so agitated that I was caught off balance and landed on my rear. My briefcase flew out of my hand and ended up on someone else's feet. My only saving grace was that the man I had bumped into landed on his rear as well.
I got up and dusted off my clothes. I turned to see if the man I'd knocked down was okay, but a woman's gasp caught my attention. She was looking at me, her finger pointing at my face and then my chest.
"Are you okay?" she asked. "What happened to you?"
I didn't recognize the woman and didn't think she worked for Kaiba Corp. Her dramatics had drawn the attention of several people, who were now looking at me. I looked down at my blood stained uniform jacket, for the first time remembering the fight with Joey. I had meant to go to my office to get one of my trench coats but had completely forgotten. It was a wonder that none of the programmers had said anything. Then again, they knew better.
"It's none of your business, now if you'll excuse me."
"Not so fast, Mr. Kaiba. My wife and I are here to talk to you."
I glanced back at the woman and saw the man I'd knocked down standing next to her. There was something familiar about them, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"Right now is not a good time. Call my secretary and make an appointment," I said. I started to turn away, but the man's hand on my arm stopped me. I whirled around, glared at him, and yanked my arm out of his grasp. "Don't touch me."
"Mr. Kaiba, I know that you're going through a difficult time right now," the woman said, "one look at you tells me that much, but if you're going to sue us, we'd like to be prepared."
"Why would I want to sue you?" I asked, genuinely confused.
The two of them looked from one to the other, until the man spoke.
"Our son told us that he didn't mean to push your brother off the bar, and we believe him. However, we know about your reputation as a ruthless businessman, and since we're dealing with the death of your brother, we're afraid that you're going to retaliate and sue my son."
I stood gaping at the man, the blood in my veins turning to ice. I felt numb, completely and utterly without feeling. My mouth moved, but it took a full five minutes to form words.
"I just buried my little brother, and you're worried about me suing you?" I asked in disbelief at the stupidity of these people. "Why would I?" I yelled. "You have nothing I want. Suing you won't turn back time, it won't bring my little brother back from the dead, so why would I waste my time?"
When I was finished, almost everyone in the lobby was staring at me, their mouths hanging open. I was shaking, my breath coming in quick pants. Tears blurred my vision, and I knew that if one fell, I would not be able to stop the rest. I turned away from them, desperately looking for my briefcase. I found it in the hands of the man I had just fired. He held it out to me, a look of pity on his face. I dashed out of the building as if the devil himself were chasing after me.
I didn't bother to go to the garage to get my car. I wanted to be as far away from the building as I possibly could. I ran as if my life depended on it, dashing across intersections without waiting to see if it was safe to cross. Cars honked at me, and I wished they would run me over and put me out of my misery. A few came close, but none actually hit me. I ran and ran, not knowing where I was going, just wanting to feel the wind on my face, wanting to concentrate on anything other than the crushing weight of my grief. I'd been pretending that everything was okay, that I was okay and could move on, could deal with my brother's death like I dealt with everything else: calmly and quickly. The sad truth was that I was anything but okay. I was falling apart. My brother's death was going to eat me up inside little by little and I was unwilling to do anything about it.
I collapsed halfway to my house in front of a little park. I fell to my knees, the dull thud of my briefcase hitting the concrete barely registering. I was sobbing uncontrollably, barely able to catch my breath. I wrapped my arms around my chest, feeling the dull pain slowly consuming me.
"I can't do this anymore," I whispered between sobs. "Oh, God, I can't do this. Mokuba was everything to me; I don't know how to be without him."
* I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along*
A pair of arms wrapped around me, and for a moment I thought it was my brother's spirit wanting to comfort me. I turned my head and found a tear filled pair of violet eyes looking at me over my shoulder. Yugi smiled, as much as he could with his swollen lips, but the genuine sympathy in his eyes was enough to make me cry harder. I knew I should stop crying, that Yugi would think I was a wimp if I didn't, but I couldn't stop.
"Let it out, Kaiba, let it out."
Yugi walked around so that he was kneeling in front of me and wrapped me in his arms. I clung to him, as if I were clinging to a life preserver in the middle of an angry ocean. At that moment, Yugi was the only thing keeping me from sinking into the black hole of my own grief. He rubbed my back and whispered something I couldn't understand in my ear. I didn't care what he said; all I cared about was that his voice was grounding me to the present, pulling me out of the hole.
After what seemed like an eternity, Yugi stood me up. He picked up my briefcase and led me towards a still running car parked on the street. I let him push me into the passenger's seat, and it wasn't until he got in behind the wheel that I realized I was sitting in my car, the one I'd left at Kaiba Corp.
"How'd you get my car?" I asked. I had the keys in my pocket, so there was no way Yugi could be driving it.
Yugi had the decency to look ashamed as he put on his seat belt and put the car in gear.
"I was going to Kaiba Corp. to talk to you. I saw you drive by on the way there, and by the time I got there, I saw you rush out," Yugi explained. "I knew I'd never catch you on foot, so I borrowed the car."
I wiped the tears with my sleeve as Yugi pulled out into the afternoon traffic. I didn't even know he could drive, and to see him doing it surprised me. My car was not the easiest to handle, which is why I liked it, but Yugi was having no trouble with it.
"I have the keys," I said, even as I noticed that there was no key in the ignition.
Yugi chuckled. "Joey taught me how to hot wire a car a few years ago. I'll rewire it when we get to your house."
Once we reached the mansion, I had to lean out of the driver's side window so that the security system could identify my voice. In doing so, I got really close to Yugi. My hand brushed his legs as I tried to find leverage, and I heard a slight gasp from him. I filed it away for later analysis as Yugi drove to my front door. He leaned down and messed with some of the wiring underneath the steering wheel, and the engine shut off. I got out of the car and waited for him to do the same.
"You should come in, Yugi. We have some things to talk about," I said.
Yugi looked panicked for a moment, before his features smoothed out into a mask of calmness.
"Like what?" he asked.
I gestured to my blood stained uniform, his blood stained uniform, and then his face.
"About what happened this morning at school," I said.
Yugi nodded. "We have to talk about Mokuba too."
With difficulty, I nodded. "Yes, we have to talk about him too."
We made our way into the house, and I led Yugi up to my office. I hesitated a moment, before changing my mind and leading him to my room instead. He seemed puzzled, but followed anyway.
"I want to change out of the uniform and figured you'd want to do the same. I'll get a shirt for you and you can change in Mokuba's room," I explained, pointing to the door a few feet away from my room.
"Okay," was all Yugi said.
I got him one of my tee shirts before getting any clothes for myself. The shirt would be a little long for him, but it was better than what he was wearing now. He thanked me and quickly made his way to Mokuba's room.
"What the hell am I doing?" I asked as I closed the door to my room.
I went into the closet and changed into a pair of slacks and a black turtleneck. I left the bloody clothes in a bundle on the floor for the maid to pick up later. I was not going to touch those again. I leaned against the door and wondered why I'd brought Yugi to my house. What was I thinking? I was already a mess from my little breakdown in the park, and I wasn't any better now. How was I going to talk to him?
"Be yourself, Seto," Mokuba said from my bed. "Just be you, don't pretend to be the cold hearted CEO that everyone expects you to be. Yugi wants to help, let him."
Looking at my brother's spirit, I had a feeling I'd been set up.
"You had something to do with this, didn't you?"
Mokuba shrugged. "I may have gone to talk to Yugi, given him a push in your direction."
My eyes widened. "He can see you?"
Mokuba laughed. "Seto, he talks to the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle, who has been dead a lot longer than I have. Why wouldn't he be able to see me?"
I sighed. He had a point.
"So you made him come and talk to me?" I asked.
"He wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be, Seto. Don't be so hard headed."
I sighed again.
"Go talk to him," Mokuba said and disappeared.
"Go talk to him, easy for you to say," I grumbled but left my room.
I stood in the hall outside Mokuba's room for a long time, willing myself to go in there. Finally, I took a deep breath and went inside. The room was exactly the same as it had been the last time Mokuba was in it. The various toys and games had not been disturbed. Mokuba's backpack had been picked up from where I'd dropped it the day of his death and put on the desk at the far side of the room.
Yugi was sitting on the bed, watching me. The shirt I'd let him borrow had been tucked into his uniform pants, making him look a bit bigger than he was.
"I'm sorry for hitting you," I said, pointing at his face. "How much damage was there?"
Yugi shrugged as he got to his feet. "You knocked out a tooth, but nothing more."
I mulled that over. I knocked out a tooth? I couldn't even remember hitting him.
"How's the mutt?"
Yugi's eyes clouded over for a moment at the mention of Wheeler.
"He had to have his mouth wired shut so the jaw could heal. His nose was broken and will probably be crooked for the rest of his life."
I looked away from Yugi as he told me that. Was that remorse I felt for what I'd done to the mutt? It couldn't be, could it?
"He didn't know about Mokuba, Kaiba. You shouldn't have reacted the way you did," Yugi said.
"He hit me first," I volleyed.
"He throws punches at you all the time. You've never broken his jaw before."
I sighed. Yugi always sounded so reasonable. "I'll pay for his medical bills."
Yugi nodded. "That'd be nice, since his family can't afford the extra expense."
I walked over to Yugi and sat him on the bed. I took a seat beside him and faced him.
"Is that why you came, to ask that I pay for Wheeler's medical bills?" I asked, my voice sounding harsher than I intended. I saw hurt cross through Yugi's eyes, before it went away.
"Partly, yes. I also thought you'd need someone to talk to about Mokuba. I'm so sorry about what happened. It was a stupid accident."
"How did you find out? I didn't tell anyone."
"One of our customers was in the playground that day with his son. He told us about it."
We were both silent for a while, until he spoke.
"You don't have to do this alone, Kaiba. I want to help you."
The look on his face was so open and loving that for a moment, I thought he felt for me what I felt for him. I put my hand on his uninjured cheek, leaned down and pressed my lips gingerly to his. When Yugi didn't respond, I pulled away and stood up, my back to him. He hadn't returned the kiss. I felt as if the hole that had almost swallowed me up earlier had opened again and was waiting to suck me in. I was so stupid to think that he could ever. . .
"Look at me, Kaiba."
I shook my head. I couldn't look at him. I didn't think I could stand the look of disgust on his face. I felt his hand on my arm and finally turned to face him. There was no disgust on his face. Instead, there was a smile gracing the uninjured corner of his mouth.
"I didn't return the kiss because it caught me by surprise and because my lips really hurt, not because I didn't want to."
It took me a while to process what he'd said and when I did, my face broke out into a smile. "Really?"
Yugi nodded. "We're so different that I never though you would want anything to do with me, not to mention that you always treat me like dirt. That's why I was so surprised when you kissed me. It was nice, though. I enjoyed it."
I took a breath and released it, feeling a sliver of hope for the first time in a long time.
"Why don't you stay for dinner? We can talk more then."
Yugi nodded. Behind Yugi, I could see Mokuba grinning.
"Why don't you go talk to the cook, tell her what you want to eat. I'll catch up to you."
Yugi nodded again and left Mokuba's room.
"It didn't hurt to ask, did it?" Mokuba said.
"No it didn't."
Mokuba walked up to me, his transparent appearance glowing.
"I have to go now, Seto. I've done what I stayed to do."
"What do you mean?" I asked, but I knew what he meant. I just didn't want to let him go, even though he was already dead.
"I asked to stay long enough to make sure you'd survive, and I think you'll be okay now."
I kneeled so I was face to face with him, and he put one of his ghostly hands on my tear stained cheek.
"I love you, Seto. You are my hero, my loving older brother, and I'll never forget you. Thank you for what you did for me, for giving me a life worth living, even at the cost of your own." Mokuba put his other hand over my heart. "I'll always be here, Seto. I'll live as long as you remember me."
My breath caught in my throat. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I could voice none of them.
"I love you too, Mokuba," was all I could say.
He nodded, as if I were stating the obvious. "I'll be fine. I'll have mom and dad to look out for me."
As if on cue, two other presences, two adults, appeared beside Mokuba. It took me a while to recognize them, but I found myself starting at my mother and father. They came closer, and each put a hand on one of my shoulders.
"We are very proud of you, son," my father said. "We have always been."
"We'll be looking out for you, Seto," my mother added, smiling. "You'll never be alone."
I wanted to say something, tell them I loved them too, but I couldn't form any words.
"This is my last goodbye, Seto. I love you, and I know that Yugi loves you too. Live your life to the fullest and we'll be waiting for you when your time comes," Mokuba said as he, along with my parents, slowly disappeared.
I watched them go, the image of my brother and my parents forever burned into my mind. I let myself cry then, like I hadn't done since I'd lost my parents. I cried for them, for my brother, and cried for myself, until my tears had been spent.
*When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand for all of these years
But you still have
All of me*
When I could, I stood up. I took one more look around Mokuba's room, knowing that I wouldn't be in here again for a very long time. I closed the door behind me and could barely make out Yugi talking to the cook downstairs. I took a deep breath and headed down the stairs to start the first day of the rest of my life.
**~~**
*pokes head out from under desk* I always hide when I write something new. This is my first story with any hints at slash, so I hope it didn't totally suck, and I hope you enjoyed it.