"Alright, kids," said Chip. "We're going to make 'What Would Jesus Do?' bracelets. As you can see, we have boxes full of everything you need to make a bracelet. We have letter beads, be sure to take two W's, one J and a D. You take one of these leather thongs and string the beads on in that order."
"Counselor Chip," said Kitty. "I think using leather is, like, wrong."
"Well, we think killing Jesus was wrong."
"For the last damn time, it was the Romans!" she screamed.
"They made Kitty swear." Kurt whispered to Scott. "That's not good."
"Alright, everyone," said Henry. "Let's make some bracelets!"
Counselor Chip looked at the bracelet Todd was making. "Todd, I think you have one W too many."
"That's not a W, yo." he said. "I turned it upsidedown, so it's an M."
"WWMJD?"
"What Would Michael Jordan Do?" responded Todd. "And Michael Jordan would take it to the hole! Sniff you jerks later!" Todd got up and left.
"Kitty," said Henry. "I noticed you've turned your W upsidedown too."
"Well," she said. "Since I don't belive Jesus was, like, the messiah or whatever, I thought it would be totally cool to, like, make a 'What Would Moses Do?' bracelet."
"And I suppose Kurt here made a 'What Would Mary Do?' bracelet."
"Nein," said Kurt. "I made mine 'What Would Jesus Do?'."
"Say, Kurt," said Kitty. "Wasn't Jesus, like, Jewish?"
"Ja, of course he was Jewish." said Kurt. "He lived at home until he was 40 and his mother thought he could walk on water."
"That's almost as bad as the joke Todd told me about being a Dyslexic Jew." Kitty groaned.
"Hey," said Evan. "Did you know Mary had PMS?"
"She did not." Kurt protested.
"It says in the Bible," said Evan. "Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem." Kurt groaned.
Meanwhile, Todd was shooting some hoops. "And Jordan passes to Tolensky," went the sports fantasy in his head. "He fakes left. He jumps right over Manute Boll's head and he slams it!" Todd hung off the rim of the hoop for a moment before leaping down. "And the crowd goes wild! Groupies mob Tolensky! Eat that, Roddman!" Todd snapped out of his fantasy. Shooting hoops got tired after a while with no one to play with. He decided to have another look around the camp grounds. He found a bucket next to a hose spigot. The bucket was full of water balloons that all had "Jesus Saves" printed on them. Todd grinned evilly. He was going to have some fun.
The counselors had the teenagers outside. "We're going to have a potato sack race." said Counselor Chip as Counselor Henry passed out the burlap bags. "I trust you know how to do this. You'll hop to that big oak and back. The winner gets a Precious Moments sticker!" Suddenly, a latex bomb exploded on the back of his head, drenching him. "Who threw that!?" Chip demanded. He turned to see Todd with a bucket of water balloons.
"It wasn't me, yo!" said Todd. "It was a drive by baptism!"
"Todd," said Henry. "You'd better hand those balloons over to me."
"You can have my water balloons when you pry them outta my cold dead hands, yo!" He threw one at Henry. To everyone's surprise, Henry started jerking as sparks flew from his head.
"Henry!" screamed Chip. "Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!"
Henry thrashed around on the ground as sparks flew from his body. When he finally lay still, Scott cautiously approached him. Suddenly, Henry's chest exploded, drenching Scott with dark red fluid. He whiped the fluid from his shades with the back of his hand and looked at the counselor's gaping chest. Sparking wires stood out in a tangle. "He- he was a robot!" Scott exclaimed.
"N-no," stammered Chip. "Henry was not a robot!"
"Cyborg, more likly." said Scott, trying to clean himself off with the burlap bag.
Chip dropped to his knees by Henry's side. "No! It's not possible! God wouldn't allow this!"
"Hey," said Rogue. "How do we know he ain't a cyborg?"
"One way to find out." said Kurt. He took a candy bar out of his pocket and threw it at Chip. He barly managed to dodge it.
"What was that for?" Chip demanded.
"Aha!" said Kurt. "You flinched. that means /you/ are a cyborg because everyone knows cyborgs don't like food!"
Todd hit Kurt with a water balloon. His inducer shorted out, revealing his wet furry self.
"DEVIL!!!!!!" screamed Chip. He huddled by Henry's body and trembled.
"Now, see what you've done!" Kurt said angrily to Todd. Todd blew him a raspberry. Rogue hit Todd with a water balloon.
"Hey, I just had a shower last month!" said Todd. "Who threw that?" Rogue whistled innocently. "Oh, you wanna play games, girly?"
"Mmmmaybe."
He threw a balloon at her. She ducked. It hit Jean...square on the chest. "Nice bra." commented Kurt. Jean seized the bucket of baloons and hurled one at Kurt. Kurt ported out of the way. The balloon hit Scott, who had been staring open mouthed at Jean's damp bosom.
"Look alive, Summers!" Lance shouted as he pelted Scott with a water balloon. Pietro zipped about at top speed, dousing everyone he could with a water balloon.
"Eew!" cried Kitty. "My hair is like, totally damp now!" She threw a balloon at Pietro. He dashed out of the way, causing Fred to get hit. Before long, everyone was throwing water balloons at each other as Chip huddled into a ball and muttered Psalm 23 to himself.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil..."
"Cuz I'm the biggest son of a bitch in the valley!" injected Todd, slamming the traumatized counselor with- you guessed it- a water balloon.
The wind picked up as a low hum droned over head. "STOP THIS AT ONCE!" a woman's voice commanded. Chip looked up to see an angel descending from the sky. Her snow white hair whipped in the wind. Amazingly, the teenagers heeded the angel's commands, even the blue devil.
"The Professor and Mystique are under attack by Juggernaut." said the angel, as she landed on the ground. "We must hurry!" She took a device out of her pocket and pressed a button. A large obsidian-black aircraft lowered straight down from the sky untill it hovered a mere foot off the ground. The angel shepherded the ten heathens aboard. Chip flung himself at her, hugging her knees.
"Thank you, Angel!" Chip cried. "Thank you for saving me from those Godless heathens!" Ororo sighed and rolled her eyes. Not again, she sighed. "Please, Angel, speak wisdom to me so that I may better serve Our Lord!"
"God is coming soon." she said. "And SHE is very angry." With that, she pushed the counselor off her legs and entered the Blackbird.
EPILOGUE
Mystique returned to the boarding house. It had been a hard day. The superintendent was coming by for an inspection any day. A knife fight had broken out in sixth period and both parties had parents who believed their children were perfect angels. Plus, there was the budget and Magneto was riding her ass again. The last thing she needed was to walk into the living room of the boarding house and see a strange 14 year old human.
Yet that's what she saw. Some ratty haired young boy was on the couch watching MTV with Toad.
"Who is that?" she demanded.
"Oh, hi Boss Lady." said Toad. "This is Ray."
"Hello." said Ray.
"Ray stowed away on the Blackbird when we came to rescue you an' Baldy from Juggerface. I've kinda adopted him as my kid brother."
"GET OUT!" Mystique screamed, slamming open the door.
"Counselor Chip," said Kitty. "I think using leather is, like, wrong."
"Well, we think killing Jesus was wrong."
"For the last damn time, it was the Romans!" she screamed.
"They made Kitty swear." Kurt whispered to Scott. "That's not good."
"Alright, everyone," said Henry. "Let's make some bracelets!"
Counselor Chip looked at the bracelet Todd was making. "Todd, I think you have one W too many."
"That's not a W, yo." he said. "I turned it upsidedown, so it's an M."
"WWMJD?"
"What Would Michael Jordan Do?" responded Todd. "And Michael Jordan would take it to the hole! Sniff you jerks later!" Todd got up and left.
"Kitty," said Henry. "I noticed you've turned your W upsidedown too."
"Well," she said. "Since I don't belive Jesus was, like, the messiah or whatever, I thought it would be totally cool to, like, make a 'What Would Moses Do?' bracelet."
"And I suppose Kurt here made a 'What Would Mary Do?' bracelet."
"Nein," said Kurt. "I made mine 'What Would Jesus Do?'."
"Say, Kurt," said Kitty. "Wasn't Jesus, like, Jewish?"
"Ja, of course he was Jewish." said Kurt. "He lived at home until he was 40 and his mother thought he could walk on water."
"That's almost as bad as the joke Todd told me about being a Dyslexic Jew." Kitty groaned.
"Hey," said Evan. "Did you know Mary had PMS?"
"She did not." Kurt protested.
"It says in the Bible," said Evan. "Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem." Kurt groaned.
Meanwhile, Todd was shooting some hoops. "And Jordan passes to Tolensky," went the sports fantasy in his head. "He fakes left. He jumps right over Manute Boll's head and he slams it!" Todd hung off the rim of the hoop for a moment before leaping down. "And the crowd goes wild! Groupies mob Tolensky! Eat that, Roddman!" Todd snapped out of his fantasy. Shooting hoops got tired after a while with no one to play with. He decided to have another look around the camp grounds. He found a bucket next to a hose spigot. The bucket was full of water balloons that all had "Jesus Saves" printed on them. Todd grinned evilly. He was going to have some fun.
The counselors had the teenagers outside. "We're going to have a potato sack race." said Counselor Chip as Counselor Henry passed out the burlap bags. "I trust you know how to do this. You'll hop to that big oak and back. The winner gets a Precious Moments sticker!" Suddenly, a latex bomb exploded on the back of his head, drenching him. "Who threw that!?" Chip demanded. He turned to see Todd with a bucket of water balloons.
"It wasn't me, yo!" said Todd. "It was a drive by baptism!"
"Todd," said Henry. "You'd better hand those balloons over to me."
"You can have my water balloons when you pry them outta my cold dead hands, yo!" He threw one at Henry. To everyone's surprise, Henry started jerking as sparks flew from his head.
"Henry!" screamed Chip. "Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!"
Henry thrashed around on the ground as sparks flew from his body. When he finally lay still, Scott cautiously approached him. Suddenly, Henry's chest exploded, drenching Scott with dark red fluid. He whiped the fluid from his shades with the back of his hand and looked at the counselor's gaping chest. Sparking wires stood out in a tangle. "He- he was a robot!" Scott exclaimed.
"N-no," stammered Chip. "Henry was not a robot!"
"Cyborg, more likly." said Scott, trying to clean himself off with the burlap bag.
Chip dropped to his knees by Henry's side. "No! It's not possible! God wouldn't allow this!"
"Hey," said Rogue. "How do we know he ain't a cyborg?"
"One way to find out." said Kurt. He took a candy bar out of his pocket and threw it at Chip. He barly managed to dodge it.
"What was that for?" Chip demanded.
"Aha!" said Kurt. "You flinched. that means /you/ are a cyborg because everyone knows cyborgs don't like food!"
Todd hit Kurt with a water balloon. His inducer shorted out, revealing his wet furry self.
"DEVIL!!!!!!" screamed Chip. He huddled by Henry's body and trembled.
"Now, see what you've done!" Kurt said angrily to Todd. Todd blew him a raspberry. Rogue hit Todd with a water balloon.
"Hey, I just had a shower last month!" said Todd. "Who threw that?" Rogue whistled innocently. "Oh, you wanna play games, girly?"
"Mmmmaybe."
He threw a balloon at her. She ducked. It hit Jean...square on the chest. "Nice bra." commented Kurt. Jean seized the bucket of baloons and hurled one at Kurt. Kurt ported out of the way. The balloon hit Scott, who had been staring open mouthed at Jean's damp bosom.
"Look alive, Summers!" Lance shouted as he pelted Scott with a water balloon. Pietro zipped about at top speed, dousing everyone he could with a water balloon.
"Eew!" cried Kitty. "My hair is like, totally damp now!" She threw a balloon at Pietro. He dashed out of the way, causing Fred to get hit. Before long, everyone was throwing water balloons at each other as Chip huddled into a ball and muttered Psalm 23 to himself.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil..."
"Cuz I'm the biggest son of a bitch in the valley!" injected Todd, slamming the traumatized counselor with- you guessed it- a water balloon.
The wind picked up as a low hum droned over head. "STOP THIS AT ONCE!" a woman's voice commanded. Chip looked up to see an angel descending from the sky. Her snow white hair whipped in the wind. Amazingly, the teenagers heeded the angel's commands, even the blue devil.
"The Professor and Mystique are under attack by Juggernaut." said the angel, as she landed on the ground. "We must hurry!" She took a device out of her pocket and pressed a button. A large obsidian-black aircraft lowered straight down from the sky untill it hovered a mere foot off the ground. The angel shepherded the ten heathens aboard. Chip flung himself at her, hugging her knees.
"Thank you, Angel!" Chip cried. "Thank you for saving me from those Godless heathens!" Ororo sighed and rolled her eyes. Not again, she sighed. "Please, Angel, speak wisdom to me so that I may better serve Our Lord!"
"God is coming soon." she said. "And SHE is very angry." With that, she pushed the counselor off her legs and entered the Blackbird.
EPILOGUE
Mystique returned to the boarding house. It had been a hard day. The superintendent was coming by for an inspection any day. A knife fight had broken out in sixth period and both parties had parents who believed their children were perfect angels. Plus, there was the budget and Magneto was riding her ass again. The last thing she needed was to walk into the living room of the boarding house and see a strange 14 year old human.
Yet that's what she saw. Some ratty haired young boy was on the couch watching MTV with Toad.
"Who is that?" she demanded.
"Oh, hi Boss Lady." said Toad. "This is Ray."
"Hello." said Ray.
"Ray stowed away on the Blackbird when we came to rescue you an' Baldy from Juggerface. I've kinda adopted him as my kid brother."
"GET OUT!" Mystique screamed, slamming open the door.