As soon as we got to work in the morning, Hyde and I locked ourselves in the employee bathroom and grabbed each other for deep, frantic kisses. Since Mom found out about us nearly a week ago, this was the only place we could safely be alone together. I hated it - it was grungy and smelly and cramped, and sneaking back here for make-out sessions made me feel dirty. But it was all we had.
It was also the only place we had to talk in privacy, and that was almost as important as the kissing. "I thought we were dead last night, when Red said he saw Jackie at the grocery store," I whispered. He'd followed up by asking Hyde if he was still dating her - since when did Red take any interest in my friends' love lives? I still wondered if he suspected something.
Hyde nodded. He let go of me and leaned against the sink, crossing his arms. "It's time to get the fuck out of Point Place."
"And go where?" We'd been having variations on this conversation for days. Naomi was still offering to let us stay at her place in Madison if we needed to - but Donna had explained it was a bachelor apartment. One room with a sink and a hot plate in a corner, a shared bathroom down the hall, and not enough room to swing a cat. If we did go there, we wouldn't be able to stay for long.
"Anywhere but here, man." He shrugged. "Let's just pick a direction and go."
"That is not a plan." I started doing up the top couple buttons on my uniform, which he'd undone while we were kissing. "We have what, $200 between the two of us? And as soon as we leave here - no jobs."
"We could sleep in one of our cars," he suggested.
"It's the middle of the winter."
"So, we could head south. Did you like California?"
"Sure, California was great - that doesn't mean I want to live there in my fucking car." I was getting snippy now. I knew it, but I couldn't stop myself. The truth is, I was scared. Point Place was my whole world. Even though I'd told myself I wanted to get out, I'd always assumed that I'd come back. When I pictured myself in some hazy future with a house and kids and a respectable job, Point Place was the background.
Someone pounded at the door. "Are you guys done in there? I need the toilet!" It was Roy. He knew we'd been disappearing into the bathroom together all week, but we'd let him believe we were coming in here to get stoned.
Seriously, I don't know what a guy would have to do to get fired by Roy.
It was a quiet day at the hotel restaurant. I was the only waiter on, and I barely had enough to do to keep myself from falling asleep. The hotel wasn't hosting a New Year's party this year so we were closing early, at 7 pm.
In the mid afternoon, as I wandered around the empty tables straightening napkins and checking the salt and pepper shakers, I unexpectedly found myself missing Kelso. I hadn't seen him since Christmas Eve. We'd been supposed to have a couple shifts together this week, but he'd switched his with Will, the other part-time waiter. He'd told Roy it was because his grandparents were visiting and he had to do family stuff, but I knew he'd done it just so he wouldn't see me. And that hurt. I mean, Kelso was a dope, but I'd been friends with him nearly as long as with Hyde and Donna. I'd never known him to stay mad at anyone for long - not even Hyde, when he started dating Jackie. This might just do it, though - he might never forgive us.
I went back into the kitchen with the empty salt and pepper shakers and found Hyde there, back from his break.
"I found a place for us to stay," he said.
I felt a cautious hope building. "Where?"
"San Francisco. This guy, he's a friend of Leo's I kind of kept in touch with - he can get us a room in the place where he lives."
"What kind of place?" No offense to Hyde, but I knew his standards weren't very high - and the phrase 'friend of Leo's' set off some alarm bells, too. "It's not a flophouse, is it?"
Hyde shook his head, looking slightly amused. He popped a toothpick into his mouth to chew on, and said, "No, man. It's a Zen monastery."
"A what?!" I yelped, nearly dropping my handful of pepper shakers.
"A Zen monastery," he repeated, as though it were something perfectly normal.
I managed to get the pepper shakers safely on the counter, then squeaked out "You want us to run away and become monks?"
"No," he said patiently, "We don't have to be monks. The monks run the place, but they take in boarders sometimes. We'd just have to do a couple hours' work each day in exchange for room and board."
"What kind of work?" The only monasteries I'd ever seen were bleak stone buildings in movies set in medieval Europe. I couldn't imagine what a Zen monastery in modern America would look like - or what we'd do in one.
Hyde shrugged. "Cook, clean, rake the rock garden."
"I don't know, man..." I hedged, nervously fiddling with the bottom of my uniform shirt. "It sounds kind of weird..."
"We don't have to stay there forever," he said. "Just until we find jobs and we can get a place of our own. And...Scott said no one there would have a problem with us being, you know, together."
"Scott?"
"Leo's friend. The monk."
"How is Leo friends with a monk?" That was probably the least important of the questions spinning around in my mind, but it was the easiest one to grab hold of.
Hyde rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. "Scott wasn't a monk back in the '60s when Leo knew him. C'mon, Forman, what do you think? We can leave tomorrow, there'll hardly be any traffic - we could get there in two or three days."
I swallowed. How could I decide something this strange and important so fast? "Seriously, you told Scott about us?"
"And he said it was cool. Yeah."
That was hard to believe, but it was appealing - a place where we could be together, and no one would freak out or hate us for it? Hyde was starting to win me over to this crazy plan. There were still problems, though... "Last time I drove to California it cost me over a hundred bucks just for food and gas on the road. We've got two cars and not enough money."
"Yeah." Hyde stood still for a moment, slouching against the counter and rolling the toothpick around in his mouth thoughtfully. Then he stood up straight. "I have an idea about that." He went over to the wall and buzzed Roy's office.
Roy rushed into the kitchen half a minute later, and I tried not to notice that he was just doing up his fly. "What is it? Is there a customer?"
"Hey, Roy," Hyde said, "You still interested in buying the El Camino?"
Roy looked startled, and then a big grin spread across his face. "I sure am!"
"Great," Hyde said calmly as I watched in shock. "Five hundred dollars?"
"All right!" Roy grabbed a chair and scrambled up on it to grab a dusty coffee tin from a shelf near the ceiling. Still standing precariously on the chair, he peeled off the tin's lid and pulled out a wad of bills. He counted them, then climbed down and handed the whole wad to Hyde. "Five hundred dollars," he said proudly.
Hyde flipped through the bills, made a satisfied grunt, and nodded towards the door. "C'mon, I'll sign over the registration to you."
I finally managed to find my voice. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked, begging him with my eyes not to do something crazy and rash that he'd be mad at me for later.
He gave me a quick frown. "'Course I'm sure. I don't do things I'm not sure of, Forman."
"I can't believe you sold Roy the El Camino!!" I said, locked in the employee bathroom again at the end of our shift.
"I can't believe he had five hundred dollars in cash sitting there in that coffee tin the whole time." Hyde laughed softly, and handed me the joint.
Roy's belief that we shut ourselves in here to smoke dope was not entirely a misapprehension.
I took a drag, and handed it back to him. "But seriously, Hyde, you loved that car."
"I loved the freedom, man. And that's what I just traded it for - freedom." He let out a breath of pungent smoke. "Tomorrow morning, we show our asses to this fucking town."
I took another turn with the joint in silence, and then admitted, "I'll miss Point Place."
"Not me," he said, shaking his head. "I've been waiting to get out of here since I was born."
"Yeah..." I realized he had a lot of good reasons to hate the town he'd grown up in. "But still...all our friends are here."
"When Donna goes back to Madison tomorrow, Fez'll be the only one left here who's speaking to us," Hyde pointed out. He took the stub of the joint from me and held it gingerly, getting one more pull off it before he mashed it out on the porcelain sink.
"Fuck, I hate to leave like this - without even talking to Kelso. It doesn't seem right." I leaned against the wall, feeling a little dizzy and sad.
"I know, man, me too." He leaned against the other wall, cornerwise from me, and took my hand in one of his. He stroked my fingers absently. "I'd like to see Jackie one more time. Try to explain things better."
"It's New Year's Eve. Everybody always comes to my basement for New Year's Eve." I sighed. "Not this year, I guess."
"Donna said she'd come over with Naomi."
"Fez might come - except he'll probably want to be with Jackie." Fez and Jackie were looking more and more like they were dating - at least, as the story was told by Fez, which was the only way I got any news about Jackie or Kelso these days.
"Crap," Hyde sighed. "We might as well just leave tonight."
"No, wait!" I squeezed his hand. "If we tell them it's our last night in Point Place - if we tell them we want to say good-bye - maybe they'll come."
He looked thoughtful. "If we tell Kelso we want to say good-bye and that there's beer and weed..."
"Can you get beer?"
"Hell yeah. I've got some stashed away."
"And Jackie?" I didn't care too much if I didn't get to say good-bye to her, but I realized it was important to Hyde.
"I'll talk to Fez," he said. "We'll get her there."
"It'll work," I said. "It'll be awesome - good-bye to the 1970s, good-bye to everybody and everything."
"Not everybody." He moved to lean against me, pressing me against the wall and kissing me. "Not sayin' good-bye to you."
I opened my lips to meet his, and cupped my hands around his ass to pull him closer. The weed was making my sense of touch go crazy intense - I felt every individual cold bathroom tile pressing into my back through my uniform, I felt the coarse threads of his polyester work pants under my fingers, I felt the chapped part of his lips brushing rough against mine, I felt his hair tickling the sides of my face. I felt his erection digging into my hip.
It wasn't long before I felt his hand playing at my crotch, making me moan as he fumbled to open my fly. When he finally did, my knees almost buckled at the brush of cool air. Then he knelt in front of me, and he went down on me. I had to dig my fingers into his shoulders to keep my balance. It flashed through my mind that there was something really seedy about getting blown in the staff washroom at the Point Place Hotel... but I didn't care anymore.
"Oh God...Steven...I love you," I gasped softly. The sensations were so intense and bright and wonderful I seriously felt tears in my eyes. My knees were shaking, and all I wanted was more. When I finally came, it felt amazing.
Then he backed off, and I let my knees buckle. I slid down to the floor with my back still pressed against the wall. I looked up to see him smiling at me, looking pretty satisfied with himself.
I giggled softly, feeling light and giddy. "Thanks. Did you know, I love you Steven?"
"I know."
Fez, Jackie, and Kelso came into the basement together, at quarter to ten. Donna and Naomi had been there with Hyde and me for a couple hours already, but we'd just had one beer each in that time.
Jackie came in holding Fez's hand, and looking reluctant. She didn't meet anyone's eyes in the room, just turned to Fez and said "OK, we're here. Let's get this over with."
Kelso, meanwhile, came into the room without taking off his big puffy parka. "Hi everybody," he mumbled, looking more at the floor than at any of us.
"Kelso..." Donna said, "Take off your coat. Stay a while."
"Nope," he said with a nervous half-laugh, "I'm good." He stood there, looking awkward with his hands in his pockets.
There were no spare seats, of course. Hyde and I had the two chairs, and Donna and Naomi were on the couch. "Hyde, c'mon, let's get some chairs from the kitchen," I said.
We went upstairs. Mom was in the kitchen, wearing her good blue dress and just putting the kettle on the stove. She and Dad were planning a quiet New Year's Eve next door with just Bob, and I guess Dad didn't want to go over any sooner than necessary.
She looked a little startled, seeing the two of us. She always got that look now when she saw me and Hyde together - not sure whether to run away or break down crying or laugh hysterically. It passed in a moment. "What are you two up to?" she said, almost managing to sound casual.
"Just getting some more chairs, Mrs. Forman," Hyde said. "Everyone's here now."
"Would you like some more popcorn?" she asked.
"No, Mom, thanks, there's enough already," I said, a bit awkwardly.
She didn't know we were leaving tomorrow. Hyde and I had talked about it and decided she might crack when she realized I was actually leaving, and she could do anything - maybe even tell Red, which could only lead to a world of hurt. We expected Kitty and Red to get plastered over at Bob's, so they should be sleeping soundly when we slipped out around six a.m., leaving a note on the kitchen table. I felt awful when I thought about how Mom would feel when she found the note - but it was the only way.
Hyde grabbed two chairs and I took one, and we looked at Mom, and each other, and hesitated.
I dropped my chair and went over to hug Mom. "Good-bye, Mom," I blurted out.
"Good-bye?" she repeated.
"I won't see you again 'till 1980," I explained weakly, hugging her tight.
"Oh. Ha, ha. You're right - because it's New Year's Eve," she said a little too brightly, hugging me back with strength that surprised me. Then she let go of me and turned to Hyde. "Come over here, Steven. You don't get away without a hug."
"Sure, Mrs. Forman." They hugged, and I saw my mom squeeze her eyes tight shut. Then they were apart, and Hyde was picking up the chairs again and Mom was brushing the creases out of her dress. "Have a good night now," she said.
"You too, Mom."
"Good night, Mrs. Forman."
At the top of the basement stairs, out of sight of both Mom in the kitchen and our friends in the basement, Hyde paused and glanced back at me. "Do you think she knows we're leaving?" he asked, very softly. I wasn't sure in that poorly-lit corner, but I thought his eyes looked a little wet.
"Nah, she'd be freaking out if she knew," I said...but I wasn't sure, either.
Once we'd arranged all the chairs into a semicircle, it was Jackie and Fez who took the couch. The rest of us sat on chairs - me next to Hyde, Donna next to Naomi, and Kelso conspicuously pulling closer to the couch and farther from us, still wearing his big puffy brown parka.
"Well, this is awkward," said Fez, who was probably feeling less awkward than anyone else in the room. "I think we should play a drinking game."
"Great idea, little buddy," Hyde said, getting up and pulling another hidden six-pack from the shower.
"Uh, Hyde," I said, "We have to get an early start tomorrow." Mom didn't know, but everyone in this room did. "We shouldn't drink too much."
"Don't worry, I know." He set the six-pack on the spool table and started popping the cans out. "But everybody needs to loosen up a little here."
"What will we play?" asked Fez, the only one in the basement who looked like he was glad to be here. "I like the game with the quarters. Can we play the game with the quarters?"
"Uh, no." I shook my head quickly. "Baaaad memories."
Donna leaned forward in her chair. "I know what we should play. Let's play Question."
"How do you play Question?" Fez asked.
"Someone starts," Donna explained. "They ask someone else a question. That person either answers the question, or takes a drink. Then they ask someone else a question. It goes like that 'till everyone's finished or drunk."
"That is not a game," Fez pouted. "That is just talking!"
"Yeah." Donna leaned in, grabbed a can from the table, and popped the tab. "That is exactly the idea, Fez."
The game started timidly, with easy questions like "What's your favorite food?" and "Have you ever cheated on a test?" They weren't the kind of questions anyone would refuse to answer, and none of us would have made any progress towards inebriation at all, except we were all sipping our beers between the questions.
Finally we started asking the questions that were really on our minds. "Kelso," said Hyde, "What's with the fucking coat?"
Kelso looked down at his coat, and then at his beer, possibly considering whether to skip this question. "What's wrong with the coat?"
"We're indoors," Hyde said. "It's not that cold."
"OK, look dude." Kelso got his wide-eyed earnest expression on, finally looking straight at Hyde. "I just don't want anybody noticing my man-beauty and getting any ideas."
Hyde rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I thought that was it."
"Eric and Hyde are dating each other," Naomi said to Kelso. "They're not interested in you."
"Right, thanks Naomi." I nodded a couple times. "Couldn't have said it better myself." Plus, if I'd used the 'dating' word Hyde probably would have frogged me. Naomi was safe, two chairs away.
"I dunno," Kelso said. "I'm pretty hard to resist."
"Kelso." Hyde glared across the table at him. "Take off the coat."
Kelso whined and grumbled, but he unzipped the coat and shrugged it off.
"All right," Hyde said with dry sarcasm, "Now everyone who feels irresistibly drawn to grab Kelso and stick your tongue down his throat, raise your hand."
The only person who raised a hand was Fez. We all stared at him, and Kelso shrieked and lunged for his coat.
"I am joking, people." Fez flung both his hands out dramatically. "Ai, when did you all get so serious?"
Donna covered her mouth to stifle her giggles, then said "Kelso, it's your turn to ask someone a question."
"OK. Big D - are you really doing it with Naomi?"
Donna made a face between a cringe and a laugh. She picked up her beer and took a long drink, then said, "We're dating, OK? Whether or not we're doing it is nobody's business but ours. Right, my turn to ask... Jackie."
Jackie looked a little startled to be called on. No one had asked her anything yet, and she hadn't said a word since the game started. She was sitting at one edge of the couch with her feet tucked up under her, looking as small and inconspicuous as possible.
"Jackie..." said Donna, "Can we ever be friends again?"
Jackie flipped her hair back and looked over at Donna with her chin held high - finally putting on the superior, bitchy attitude we knew and loved. "I don't know, Donna. How can I ever trust you, after you lied to me for years? You told me you loved Eric! You told me you were hot for Casey!"
Donna nodded slowly, like she'd expected the question. "I wasn't lying, Jackie." I noticed Donna quietly slip her fingers through Naomi's, down between their chairs. "At the time, I thought it was true. And..." she glanced sideways at me and smiled a bit, "I did love Eric. There was just always something missing, and I didn't know what it was 'till I met Naomi."
"I know what was missing," Kelso said, nodding and grinning widely. "Breasts."
"Kelso, you are an idiot," Fez said. "Naomi does not have breasts."
Naomi looked down at her rather flat chest, and laughed quietly. Meanwhile, Donna's face flushed pink and she said "Yes she does. Naomi-" she squeezed her girlfriend's hand, "I love your breasts."
"OK, ew!" Jackie exclaimed. "Ew, Donna! This is gross, I do not need to hear it!"
"There's nothing gross about two people loving each other-" Naomi started, her tone making me think she'd given this speech a time or two before.
Donna interrupted her. "Naomi, let me handle this. Jackie - you used to think it was gross when I talked about Eric, too."
"Yeah," Jackie agreed easily. "He's all skinny and girly and ew." I glared at her, but I don't think she noticed. "And Naomi is an actual girl. Donna, what's wrong with you?"
"Jackie," Donna said slowly and clearly, "I'm a lesbian."
Kelso looked confused. "I thought you were born in America, Donna." We all ignored him.
"Donna, I am still mad at you," Jackie said sharply. "But...I think I'll probably get over it. Eventually."
Donna let out a deep breath, and gave a slow smile. "Thanks, Jackie."
Jackie flashed a smile too, before she went back to her pout. "Whatever."
Fez nudged Jackie's side. "It is your turn to ask a question, Jackie. You can ask me if you want. I'll tell you anything."
"Thanks, Fez," she said, squeezing his hand, "But I have a question for Steven." She looked over at Hyde, and her expression changed. The bitchy cheerleader fell away, and what was left seemed raw and scared. I felt uncomfortable, like I shouldn't be seeing this. "Steven," she said, "Did you ever really love me?"
It felt like the whole room held its breath. Hyde looked around at all of us, scowling. "Screw this game," he said roughly. "Jackie, we need to talk. In private." He stood up, and so did she.
"Your room?" she said. He nodded. They walked back to his door - neither of them touching the other, but each of them making little, tentative motions like they were trying to decide whether to or not. I watched, feeling suddenly nervous and tight, until the door shut behind them.
Fez slouched down and scowled. "That bastard had better not steal my woman."
Donna rolled her eyes. "Fez, have you been paying attention for the past week?"
"I just do not think they should be alone in his bedroom," Fez said. "We never thought they would get together in the first place, and remember what happened?"
"Yeah, you know what? This is a party. There shouldn't be any going off alone to people's bedrooms..." I stood up, ready to go pound on the door to the furnace room until Hyde and Jackie came out.
Maybe it didn't make sense, but I felt nervous when Hyde and Jackie were together. It seemed to me like Jackie always got what she wanted, sooner or later. And when I'd asked Hyde the same question Jackie just did - did he love Jackie? - the first time he said 'yes,' and the second time he never properly answered at all.
"Eric!" Donna jumped to her feet and got between me and the furnace room. "What the hell are you doing?"
I gestured at the door behind her. "What are they doing? They don't need privacy, they shouldn't be doing anything they couldn't do in front of the rest of us."
"Grow up, Eric. They're not doing, they're talking, and I think that yeah, they do need some privacy." Donna put a firm hand on my shoulder and led me back to the circle. Fez shifted out of the way, and Donna gave me a push down onto the couch, then sat beside me. "Eric..." she went on, "you don't have anything to be scared of. Even if Jackie did want Hyde back, which I don't think she does-"
"I sure hope not," Fez interjected with a mutter.
"-he wouldn't do anything with her. He loves you. He broke up with her for you. He's moving to California with you. He sold his car for you."
I closed my eyes, feeling embarrassed and relieved all at the same time. Donna was right. I had to trust Hyde, because I knew he trusted me - and tomorrow, we would leave everyone else behind.
With Jackie and Hyde gone, we gave up on the so-called drinking game. Naomi took out the joint she'd rolled earlier, and we lit up some incense and had a five-way circle.
Once Kelso got stoned, he forgot to be nervous around me. It was great, like the old days before everything got weird. We all let ourselves get silly with the high. We talked about what happens when you play the Dark Side of the Moon backwards, and whether Superman would go back in time to go to the same New Year's Eve party twice.
By quarter to midnight, our highs were wearing off and Fez had eaten all the leftover Christmas cookies. I turned on the TV to the station from Madison, where they were broadcasting live from an outdoor New Year's Eve party. The people looked cold and kind of bored; I'd just turned it on for the countdown.
"I'm going to get Hyde and Jackie," I said, standing up. "If they don't come out now, they'll miss it." Nobody stopped me, this time.
I knocked on Hyde's door, calling out "It's me! It's almost midnight."
"Come on in," Hyde said through the door.
The first thing I noticed inside was that Abba was playing on the stereo. Then I saw Jackie and Hyde sitting on the cot. They were sitting at opposite ends, not touching. Jackie's eyes and nose were red, like she'd been crying a lot, but she wasn't crying now - she was digging through a shoe box.
"Wow, I forgot I even owned this," she said, holding up a red plastic bracelet. "It's like...Christmas all over again!"
"Jackie still had some stuff over here," Hyde explained, looking up at me.
"I see...." I shifted my feet, feeling a bit awkward. "Um, are you going to come out? The New Year's in just over ten minutes - we've got the TV tuned to the countdown."
"Yeah, sure," he said. "We'll be out in a minute."
That was clearly a cue for me to leave them alone again, so I did, feeling a bit hurt. Hadn't they had enough time yet to say good-bye?
I perched on the back of the sofa and watched the party on the TV. There was someone dressed in a cow costume trying to hype up the crowd.
At one minute to midnight, the door to Hyde's room opened. Jackie came out, carrying the shoe box and her Abba album. Hyde followed her out. Thumbs hooked in his pockets, he wandered over to me.
"Hey," he said.
"I thought you were going to miss it," I said, nodding towards the TV. I guess there was a bit of silent accusation in my tone - I thought he was going to be with her when the year rolled over, instead of me.
"Nah, I wouldn't miss it," he said casually.
"Oh my God everybody, there's only 45 seconds left of the 1970s!" Kelso gasped.
Fez put down his candy cane. Donna and Naomi looked up from their game of Crazy Eights. Jackie set her stuff on the floor and then clapped her hands and rushed over to Fez. "I love New Year's!" she squealed.
Hyde shifted a step closer to me, so his arm was brushing against mine.
"Get ready to say good-bye to 1979!" called out the announcer on the TV. "All together now...ten!"
"Nine!" Fez and Kelso chimed in along with the TV. "Eight! Seven!"
"Six!" Donna grinned, and picked up the count too. Naomi didn't - she rested her chin on her hands and watched Donna, with a bemused, affectionate smile. "Five!"
I saw Jackie look back at Hyde one more time, over the back of the couch. She looked sad for a second, but then she looked at me. When I met her eyes she smiled. "Be happy together," she said quickly and softly, as the others chanted "Four!"
I was surprised - shocked, really. I hadn't expected that from Jackie. What had they said to each other in there? "Thanks," I mouthed at her.
"Three!"
Kelso started pumping his fist in the air in time with the count.
"Two!"
My throat felt tight suddenly. It was more than a year ending. More than a decade. Early tomorrow morning I was going to leave my whole life here behind. God only knew when I'd seen any of my friends again - or my family....
"One!"
I felt Hyde slip his hand into mine.
"Happy New Year!" Kelso, Fez, Donna and Jackie shouted it out in unison. I saw Donna turn quickly to kiss Naomi on the lips, and Fez do the same to Jackie. Kelso was lost in his own little world, jumping up and down and yelling "1980! 1980!"
"Eric," Hyde said out loud. "C'mere." I just saw a flash of his cryptic smile before he leaned in to kiss me.
In front of all our friends, he kissed me. He wasn't ashamed, and he wasn't afraid. I felt a deep surge of joy, so profound I thought I should be glowing with it. I kissed him back, wrapping my arms tight around his shoulders. It was a new year - and it was ours.