Shining Light
Authors Note: This is for Wayward's songfic contest, with apologies to JMS for stealing the 'great questions'. The song is 'Shining Light' by Ash.
----
'You lit a torch in the infinite,
Yeah you are a shining light'
Chosen one.
I'm supposed to be the chosen one, and just what I chosen by? I was chosen by a glowing blue crystal to be the successor to the greatest Autobot of all time.
There are supposed to be four great questions that define our lives. I've been asking them of myself, trying to prove to myself and the universe in general that there's been some terrible mistake somewhere.
'You arrive and the night is alive,
Yeah you are a shining light'
Who are you?
I'm Hot Rod, young punk Autobot who enjoys going too fast, and running into places where angels fear to tread...but at the same time I'm Rodimus Prime, holder of the Matrix, leader of the Autobots, cunning, innovative...a little reckless to be sure, but it always seems to turn out okay just the same.
I've been looking inside my own soul, trying to discover which one of these sides is real, and which is just cover. The disturbing part it that I've discovered that they're both real. Hot Rod and Rodimus Prime are both parts of me.
I remember the first time I saw the Matrix. I remember it too well. The horrible, guilt as I saw Optimus Prime laying on the table, dying. I could scarcely believe Perceptor's softly spoken statement to be true. This was my hero, my leader, my inspiration...and he was dying. Worse, it was all my fault. I didn't know what to feel...I could barely think...then I saw it. Beautiful and perfect, shining with its own light that even seemed to wash away all the darkness in that room. Its light reflected in Optimus' fading optics. I couldn't take my eyes off it. And when it fell from his hands, it was pure instinct to reach for it. I wanted to touch it, if only for a moment.
The Matrix sings, you know. Its song it like a soft chorus of exultant voices sang over the shimmering of some vast bell. Its song was so powerful at that moment that it almost deafened me...but somehow, no one else in that room seemed able to hear it.
The wrench I felt when I had to hand it over to Ultra Magnus was unreal...giving up the Matrix to him was perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done. It felt like giving up a part of myself...but somehow, its song had touched me. Marked me.
Chosen me.
'These are the days you often say,
There's nothing that we cannot do'
What do you want?
I want...I want to be Hot Rod again. I want to forget that I was ever known as Rodimus Prime. I want to go back to a time where all I had to worry about was following orders and staying out of trouble...okay, so I didn't always manage to do the latter so well.
But when I think about it some more, I don't know if that is really true...would I really want to rid myself of the memory of the Matrix song? Could I really go back to the way it was before if I had a choice...?
Probably not.
I did have a choice, I could have kept quiet when Ultra Magnus speculated if the Matrix could stop the planet-eating monster heading towards our homeworld. But I didn't, because the feelings inside were screaming at me, calling to me in a voice I couldn't ignore. I wanted to stop Unicron, I wanted to fight Galvatron, I wanted...I wanted to take hold of the Matrix and call on its power...because I was the only one who could.
What I learned then, what I still know to this day is that it isn't always about what we want...sometimes it is simply about what we must do. And most of the time, what we must do comes from who we are.
I had to take the Matrix, I had to save Cybertron, because that is who I am. Because that is what I wanted to do, it's that simple.
'We made a connection, a full-on chemical reaction,
Brought on by dark divine intervention'
Whom do you serve?
Now this is a more difficult question.
I suppose in a sense, I serve the Autobots. I'm their leader, after all. It's supposed to be a leaders job to serve his people. To guide and protect them.
I also suppose, in an even broader sense, I serve everyone - all sentient life in the universe. What was it Optimus used to say...'Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.'
So, I serve freedom, I serve those who have freedom, and those who want freedom. Right?
But I have a secret. It is a secret that I suspect that Autobot leaders have kept for a long time.
We serve the Matrix.
The Matrix. That damned glowing ball of light and crystal...my chain, my companion, my teacher. It always seems to come back to that. I serve the Matrix because it whispers to me in my dreams. It helps guide my decisions...oh, never overtly, it never comes out and tells you what to do. It's just a flash, an instinct, a feeling. Something subtle that tugs on your emotions and thoughts gently.
Of course, sometimes the song is more powerful. Like when I first held it to take down Unicron. I can't really describe how that felt. Lighting our darkest hour...I don't know how I knew what to do, all I know is that the Matrix was singing to me in the voices of thousands...no, of millions of Autobots, and I could feel the power in my hands, in my body...everywhere. It felt...holy. Like all the light and good in the universe was contained in the Matrix and in my own body for just that moment.
I could feel myself changing, growing taller and stronger. I could hear Optimus calling my name...my new name - 'Arise Rodimus Prime' he said. For that moment, the guilt I'd been carrying lessened, for a moment, I felt like all this had been destiny - that it was meant to be.
I know better now, of course. Optimus could have wielded the Matrix as easily as I could have, I'm sure. It was still my mistake that cost him his life.
And now I'm in his place. I'm serving in his memory.
'I've seen you draped in an electric veil,
Shrouded in celestial night'
Where are you going?
This one is easy to answer, because the honest truth is that I don't know. I mean, do any of us really know where we're going until we get there?
I thought I knew where I was going, back when I was still Hot Rod. I thought I was here to fight Decepticons, hang out with my friends and maybe bend the occasional rule...but life throws you too many twists and turns for that to ever be certain of anything. If you had gone back and talked to me when I was Hot Rod and told him that one day I'd be Rodimus Prime, Autobot Leader, he would have laughed in your face...I mean I would laughed in your face.
But I'm not Hot Rod anymore, and I've learned that nothing in life is certain. Everything changes, places, people, constellations...maybe one day I'll be in a place and time where there is no war, I certainly hope that is where I'm going.
'An epiphany you burn so pretty...'
Maybe I was wrong and the world was right and perhaps the Matrix made the right choice after all. I'm not the same person I was before Unicron attacked...I've learned a lot, and I've changed almost beyond recognition.
Maybe I am chosen after all.
But who can say? Maybe there has been some cosmic mistake, and I was just in the right place at the right time.
But, until someone tells me otherwise, I'm the Autobot leader, and I will keep fighting for what I believe in, whether I'm chosen or not.
'My mortal blood I would sacrifice,
For you are a shining light'
THE END
By Skyblaze
Authors Note: This is for Wayward's songfic contest, with apologies to JMS for stealing the 'great questions'. The song is 'Shining Light' by Ash.
----
'You lit a torch in the infinite,
Yeah you are a shining light'
Chosen one.
I'm supposed to be the chosen one, and just what I chosen by? I was chosen by a glowing blue crystal to be the successor to the greatest Autobot of all time.
There are supposed to be four great questions that define our lives. I've been asking them of myself, trying to prove to myself and the universe in general that there's been some terrible mistake somewhere.
'You arrive and the night is alive,
Yeah you are a shining light'
Who are you?
I'm Hot Rod, young punk Autobot who enjoys going too fast, and running into places where angels fear to tread...but at the same time I'm Rodimus Prime, holder of the Matrix, leader of the Autobots, cunning, innovative...a little reckless to be sure, but it always seems to turn out okay just the same.
I've been looking inside my own soul, trying to discover which one of these sides is real, and which is just cover. The disturbing part it that I've discovered that they're both real. Hot Rod and Rodimus Prime are both parts of me.
I remember the first time I saw the Matrix. I remember it too well. The horrible, guilt as I saw Optimus Prime laying on the table, dying. I could scarcely believe Perceptor's softly spoken statement to be true. This was my hero, my leader, my inspiration...and he was dying. Worse, it was all my fault. I didn't know what to feel...I could barely think...then I saw it. Beautiful and perfect, shining with its own light that even seemed to wash away all the darkness in that room. Its light reflected in Optimus' fading optics. I couldn't take my eyes off it. And when it fell from his hands, it was pure instinct to reach for it. I wanted to touch it, if only for a moment.
The Matrix sings, you know. Its song it like a soft chorus of exultant voices sang over the shimmering of some vast bell. Its song was so powerful at that moment that it almost deafened me...but somehow, no one else in that room seemed able to hear it.
The wrench I felt when I had to hand it over to Ultra Magnus was unreal...giving up the Matrix to him was perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done. It felt like giving up a part of myself...but somehow, its song had touched me. Marked me.
Chosen me.
'These are the days you often say,
There's nothing that we cannot do'
What do you want?
I want...I want to be Hot Rod again. I want to forget that I was ever known as Rodimus Prime. I want to go back to a time where all I had to worry about was following orders and staying out of trouble...okay, so I didn't always manage to do the latter so well.
But when I think about it some more, I don't know if that is really true...would I really want to rid myself of the memory of the Matrix song? Could I really go back to the way it was before if I had a choice...?
Probably not.
I did have a choice, I could have kept quiet when Ultra Magnus speculated if the Matrix could stop the planet-eating monster heading towards our homeworld. But I didn't, because the feelings inside were screaming at me, calling to me in a voice I couldn't ignore. I wanted to stop Unicron, I wanted to fight Galvatron, I wanted...I wanted to take hold of the Matrix and call on its power...because I was the only one who could.
What I learned then, what I still know to this day is that it isn't always about what we want...sometimes it is simply about what we must do. And most of the time, what we must do comes from who we are.
I had to take the Matrix, I had to save Cybertron, because that is who I am. Because that is what I wanted to do, it's that simple.
'We made a connection, a full-on chemical reaction,
Brought on by dark divine intervention'
Whom do you serve?
Now this is a more difficult question.
I suppose in a sense, I serve the Autobots. I'm their leader, after all. It's supposed to be a leaders job to serve his people. To guide and protect them.
I also suppose, in an even broader sense, I serve everyone - all sentient life in the universe. What was it Optimus used to say...'Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.'
So, I serve freedom, I serve those who have freedom, and those who want freedom. Right?
But I have a secret. It is a secret that I suspect that Autobot leaders have kept for a long time.
We serve the Matrix.
The Matrix. That damned glowing ball of light and crystal...my chain, my companion, my teacher. It always seems to come back to that. I serve the Matrix because it whispers to me in my dreams. It helps guide my decisions...oh, never overtly, it never comes out and tells you what to do. It's just a flash, an instinct, a feeling. Something subtle that tugs on your emotions and thoughts gently.
Of course, sometimes the song is more powerful. Like when I first held it to take down Unicron. I can't really describe how that felt. Lighting our darkest hour...I don't know how I knew what to do, all I know is that the Matrix was singing to me in the voices of thousands...no, of millions of Autobots, and I could feel the power in my hands, in my body...everywhere. It felt...holy. Like all the light and good in the universe was contained in the Matrix and in my own body for just that moment.
I could feel myself changing, growing taller and stronger. I could hear Optimus calling my name...my new name - 'Arise Rodimus Prime' he said. For that moment, the guilt I'd been carrying lessened, for a moment, I felt like all this had been destiny - that it was meant to be.
I know better now, of course. Optimus could have wielded the Matrix as easily as I could have, I'm sure. It was still my mistake that cost him his life.
And now I'm in his place. I'm serving in his memory.
'I've seen you draped in an electric veil,
Shrouded in celestial night'
Where are you going?
This one is easy to answer, because the honest truth is that I don't know. I mean, do any of us really know where we're going until we get there?
I thought I knew where I was going, back when I was still Hot Rod. I thought I was here to fight Decepticons, hang out with my friends and maybe bend the occasional rule...but life throws you too many twists and turns for that to ever be certain of anything. If you had gone back and talked to me when I was Hot Rod and told him that one day I'd be Rodimus Prime, Autobot Leader, he would have laughed in your face...I mean I would laughed in your face.
But I'm not Hot Rod anymore, and I've learned that nothing in life is certain. Everything changes, places, people, constellations...maybe one day I'll be in a place and time where there is no war, I certainly hope that is where I'm going.
'An epiphany you burn so pretty...'
Maybe I was wrong and the world was right and perhaps the Matrix made the right choice after all. I'm not the same person I was before Unicron attacked...I've learned a lot, and I've changed almost beyond recognition.
Maybe I am chosen after all.
But who can say? Maybe there has been some cosmic mistake, and I was just in the right place at the right time.
But, until someone tells me otherwise, I'm the Autobot leader, and I will keep fighting for what I believe in, whether I'm chosen or not.
'My mortal blood I would sacrifice,
For you are a shining light'
THE END
By Skyblaze