Disclaimer: Harry and company belong to the talented J.K. Rowling. This story is the creation of my unorthodox and sometimes crazy mind. None of this is based on anybody, similarities of any kind is purely coincidental.

It's a cold day in Potions with Snape being crankier than usual; taking points left and right, even from the Slytherins. When Harry goes to retrieve his wand, he discovers something unimaginable…awful…horrific. He finds Snape doing…

This was previously titled Snape's Doing What? Due to the fact that it is no longer going to be three one-shots, but one three-shot, I've decided to change the title to The Chronicles of What?

The Chronicles of What?
Part One: Snape's Doing What?

Twas was a foul day in the dungeons for the 5th year Gryffindors, for Snape, who was usually in a bad mood, was in an even worse mood this morning. Points were lost left and right, none were spared, not even the Slytherins. All were forced to suffer the wrath of an extremely peeved off Snape, some, worse than others. This is true for one Gryffindor in particular, one who goes by the name of--

"Potter!" Snape's scowl deepened as he stomped over to the table where Harry and Ron were preparing their potion.

"Y-yes, sir," Harry replied, obviously startled at the sudden anger that was directed at him.

"Potter, how many times have I told you to do something about your hair?" he crossed his arms over his chest and stared down Harry.

"Umm…none?"

"Precisely; I should not have to state what is obviously a mistake in itself."

"Uh…" confusion was clearly seen on Harry's face.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for that regurgitated Kneazels's fur you have on your head. Do something about it, its distracting me from my work," he turned away with a snarl of discontent. "I expect you to have it fixed by next class, Potter."

"Stupid git," Ron whispered immediately into Harry's ear just as Snape was out of earshot. "What's crawling up his arse today?"

"Shush, Ron. We've already lost thirty-seven points, and I don't want that number to increase," Hermione hissed at him from hers and Seamus's table behind them.

"She's right, Ron," Harry went back to their work. "It's better to wait out the storm than go against it. It doesn't pay to take up after the salmon."

Ron cast an incredulous look at Harry. "Harry, mate…what are you on and where can I get some of it?" He moved a hand up as if to take Harry's temperature.

"Weasley, put your hand down this instance! Ten points from Gryffindor!" Snape's voice came bellowing from the back room. "Miss Parkinson, let go of Mr. Malfoy's arm immediately. Two points from Slytherin!"

"I told you, Ron," Hermione scolded him.

"B-but…"

"Do your work, Ron," Harry whispered under his breath as he turned to his potion, a spluttering Ron following suit.

- - - - -

"Argh! What the bloody hell is wrong with Snape today?" Ron fumed as he, Harry and Hermione made their way to the dormitories.

"I don't know, maybe he's sick," Hermione picked up her pace with the two taller boys.

"Sick? Like…in the head or something? I thought that much was obvious already," Ron stretched his arms over his head, smoothing out the kinks in his limbs as a result of hunching over his cauldron for too long. "Can't believe he took ten points from Neville for having not dotting his 'I's', honestly, the great wanker needs to get himself a snog session or something. I heard the Astronomy Tower's free this coming Monday."

"Don't forget those twelve points he took from Lavender for 'using too much complexion charms," Harry added, lowering his voice to do a very bad Snape imitation.

"Good one mate. And five points from Hermione for being a know-it-all. But I think the best one was taking two points from Malfoy for being too blonde. Did you see the look on his face? That was priceless."

"Oh, bollocks," Harry stopped abruptly. "I left my wand on the table."

"Where? In the dungeon?" Ron was munching on the cupcake he had saved from breakfast.

"No, in the other potions classroom," Harry rolled his eyes and he turned on his heels. "I need to get it before Snape decides to use it as a scratching stick. I'll just be a minute, you guys go on ahead."

"Are you sure, mate? I think there's an unwritten rule somewhere about being with Snape without parental guidance…or witnesses."

"Don't worry," brushing off his words, Harry took off running in the direction of the dungeons.

Meanwhile…

"Gryffindors…" Snape shook his head as he worked to remove some black gunk that had splattered across the table and over seats from where Neville's potion had over flowed. As he passed by the table that had been previously occupied by Harry and Ron, he stopped abruptly in his step, looking at the object that lay unmoving near the far corner of the table. He bent down and reached across the length of the table and plucked up the wand. "Potter's, I assume," a smirk flashed across his face as he took out his own wand. "Let's see what spell the great Harry Potter has been casting lately."

Muttering a spell, Snape's eyes widened a fraction as he came to a sudden realization. Placing the wand back down on the table, he disappeared in a swish of cloak into the backroom, he returned a few minutes later with flat, black box grasped firmly in his hands.

- - - - -

"I hope Snape doesn't take more points for being forgetful," Harry muttered, clammy hands gripping the brass knob. "Well, let's just hope for the best," he closed his eyes and pushed open the door.

"What do you want, Potter?"

Harry opened his eyes and saw Snape sitting at his desk, as if he was already expecting him. "I forgot my wand, and –"

"I have it right here," he motioned towards the wand lying motionlessly on his desk.

Harry walked over and picked up the wand, "T-thank you, sir," he stuttered, the look Snape had on his face unnerved him, "I'll just be on my way then," he said nervously and turned to leave.

"One moment, Potter."

"Yes, sir?"

"I just want to tell you that I had cast the prior incantato on your wand, and might I say, discovered a very interesting spell you've been casting. Would you care to explain yourself?"

"Err ... umm …" Harry shifted nervously from foot to foot, "It's like this … I mean … I couldn't help it … nobody's seen me do it, I swear. Please don't tell the others," Harry looked pleadingly at Snape, who just smirked in return.

"So tell me, Potter, just how good are you at this? Humour me, and I might consider keeping this to myself," Snape had an evil glint in his eye.

"Honestly, sir?" When Snape nodded, he continued, "well … I'm not perfect with the movements, but I dare say, pretty bloody good," Harry looked smug.

"I have to admit, I, myself have experimented with this for a few years now too, but ... performing it all by myself isn't nearly as thrilling," he looked directly at Harry.

"Are you saying … you?" Snape nodded silently, "well, I'll be. But … it could be fun, I mean, it wouldn't hurt to try."

At his reply, Snape stood and walked over to the box he had taken out and opened the lid.

"Get into position," Snape ordered. They both stood facing each other roughly about ten feet apart. "Ready?" when Harry nodded, he took out his wand and cast a spell that Harry was only too familiar with.

The quiet of the dungeon was broken by a strange humming sound, it soon got louder, and louder. Harry smiled evilly and made his move, as did Snape

A la tuhuelpa legria Macarena.

They raised both hands straight in front of them.

Que tuhuelce paralla legria cosabuena.

They both touched their right hand to the left shoulder, and the left to the right. After that they touched their right hand to the left hip and left to right.

A la tuhuelpa legria macarena Eeeh, macarena.

They uncrossed their arms and touched the right hand to the right butt- cheek and left hand to the left butt-cheek; they shook their booty a little.

A-Hai!

They jumped about a foot in the air.

Snape wiped his brow with his sleeve, "Finite incantatem," the music stopped playing immediately.

"I have waited too long to enjoy that," He put away the box and looked at Harry, "you'd better return to the dormitories. Weasley might throw a hissy if I keep you any longer."

"Yes sir," Harry turned towards the door, stopped, and looked back at Snape with a smile on his face, "that was fun, if I may say so sir."

"I might have to agree with you there, Potter. Because you have been my partner in this, I will regretfully give Gryffindor ten points."

"Thank you, sir."

Harry continued walking when he called back.

"And Potter -"

"Yes, sir?"

"- this never happened," he said firmly.

"What never happened?" He smirked and walked out, closing the door behind him.

As the door clicked shut, Snape melted into his chair and let out a heave of long awaited fulfilment.

- - - - -

In the dark hallway, when Harry had walked around the corner and out of sight, a shadow in the corner moved. As it slithered closer to the flames of the torches, a vague shimmering of silver hair could be seen.

"Interesting," he looked towards the corner where Harry had disappeared and back to the door of the dungeon, "very interesting."

End Part 1.