Same disclaimer.
If any of you even still follow my story, here's a reminder of what happened:
Chapter one—First six years at Hogwarts, random little stuff, sets stage for later
Chapter two—James made Head Boy and Quidditch Captain, decides he doesn't wanna hold stuff over Lily's head anymore. Lily finds out about him being Head Boy, not Quidditch Captain.
Chapter three—James sends Lily anonymous note telling her who Quidditch Captain is (i.e. him) so she won't find out some other less pleasant way. There's Quidditch practice, and Lily's waiting for James to brag about captain.
Chapter four—There's a prefects meeting, but Lily gets pissed off by James, Snape, Bellatrix, er… just about everyone and ends it really abruptly.
Chapter five—Morning before Quidditch tryouts Lily bets James that he won't get up at 4:30 AM. They have a normal conversation for nearly an hour 'til Lily realizes who she's talking to and leaves. Tryouts were boring.
Chapter six—Lily and James get into a fight at practice. Take it out on each other at the game by refusing to pass. Sirius yells at them. At end of practice Alyssa (other chaser) tells them about masque party in Hogsmead.
Chapter seven—Masque party. Sirius and Kaye have a bet about which can find the other first. Prize is a kiss. Lily and James end up talking to each other the whole night of the masque, not realizing with whom they're talking. Sirius wins bet but doesn't claim kiss.
Chapter eight—Lily and James plan to meet (well change their plans) each other after masque (still don't know who they're talking to.) James apologizes to Lily about Quidditch game at Quidditch practice. Sirius and Kaye keep Lily and James from finding out about the masque. Marauders get James to admit he's in love with Lily.
Chapter nine—Lily and James run into each other in hall and Lily doesn't kill James for knocking down her stuff. Game against Slytherin. Lily and James get into another passing war and Sirius has to yell at them again. Gryffindor wins the game. Kaye has to keep Lily from telling "the knight" (James) her name when he owls her in the morning. Kaye decides to play matchmaker and resolves to enlist Sirius' help.
Chapter ten—Sirius pretends like he's going to force Kaye into kissing him, so that Kaye can talk to him alone. She convinces him to help her, and both of them have to pretend like there was a kiss and it was meaningless. Sirius has to convince James not to tell "the princess" his name. Lily stumbles upon James in the common room doing Quidditch things and they have a lovely conversation, in which Lily thinks a bunch of things about James are familiar but can't remember why they would be.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The stairs to the boys' dormitory creaked, pulling James back down to earth. Sirius emerged, sat in the armchair across from James, and looked at him quizzically.
"Why have you got that look on your face?" he questioned.
James straightened out the muscles of his face into what he hoped was a more neutral expression. He was about to tell Sirius what happened, when instead he decided to hand him the diagram that Lily had drawn.
Sirius took the diagram and made a disbelieving face. "A Quidditch diagram? This isn't even your handwriting."
"Exactly."
If the penmanship belonged to who he thought it belonged to, Sirius had an explanation to the dreamy look on James' face. But he still wanted to hear James say it.
"Who's is it, then?" Sirius asked.
James smiled. "Lily's."
Sirius returned the smile. "Tell me how you managed that."
James repeated the conversation (almost verbatim) back to Sirius. Sirius wanted to look excited and happy for James, but he was distracted by something else.
James saw the distressed look on Sirius' face, and attributed it to a thought that had been in his head since breakfast. A similar thought had been in Sirius' head all day, nagging at him.
"You didn't kiss her, did you?" James asked.
"No, I didn't."
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When Lily and Kaye got back to their dormitory, Mel was sitting on her bed in a panic. She had forgotten to do a bit of homework that was due the next day. Kaye's eyes widened as she realized she'd done the same thing. Both of them rushed off to the library.
Lily sat down on the edge of her bed, but before she had time to digest what had happened in the common room with James she heard a tapping sound. Outside, she saw a familiar owl sitting on the windowsill, a piece of parchment tied to it's leg. She let the owl in and, as usual, it didn't fly off when she untied the parchment.
Yes. Why? Do you?
Lily replied that yes, she played Quidditch, and that that had been the reason she'd asked. She paused, wondering if she should write more. Honestly, Lily was glad to get a chance to write to the knight without her two friends feeding her rubbish about mystery and what to write.
Her thoughts wandered back down to the common room, where just minutes before she and James had actually had a civilized conversation. A long civilized conversation. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but she was confused. Why did they hate each other? Why did she hate him?
She began to write on the parchment, unsure if it was really wise to ask a complete stranger for advice. But maybe the knight was the only person she could ask—as far as she knew, he was unbiased. And even if he did go to Hogwarts, she doubted he knew anything more about her and James than the rest of the school did, so how could he guess that's what she was talking about. She chose her words carefully, unsure of how much to reveal, and unsure of her feelings.
I play Quidditch, which is why I asked if you did. I'm not really sure if I should be asking a stranger for advice, but I feel like I can talk to you almost better than I can talk to my best friends. I recently realized that someone I've disliked for rather a long time could potentially be a friend. Two thoughts came with my realization. The first one was how could I possibly try to be friends with this person after we've been so nasty to each other. The other thought was (and I'm a bit ashamed to admit this) me wondering what was wrong with me. If my first instincts about (and my past experiences with) this person are anything to go by, why would I be wondering now if they would make a good friend?
Lily paused, unsure of how to end the letter. She didn't want to sign her name, in case the knight went to Hogwarts. He could easily tell James about this. Lily ended up leaving the letter as it was with the abrupt ending. She tied it to the owl's leg and let it fly away before she could change her mind.
As she watched it soar into the night, her thoughts went back to James. Part of her wanted to say that James was willing to be her friend (at the least.) But he was so volatile around her—one minute being friendly and the next minute being an arrogant prat. Well, she thought, that wasn't all together true. Lately he seemed to be doing his best to be nice to her.
Her thoughts were cut short by Mel and Kaye, coming back to the dormitory, finished homework in their hands.
"What's with the face?" Kaye asked Lily as she sat down on her bed.
"What face?" Lily responded.
"You had this really pensive and brooding look on your face," Kaye told her.
Lily grimaced. "I suppose it's an introduction to what I'm about to tell you."
Lily told them about the conversation with James, Kaye mentally slapping herself when Lily got to Kaye's interruption. Then Lily went on to tell them that she had written to the knight. The subject of the note she had left out, lying and saying it was about Quidditch. She didn't know why, but she didn't want to tell her friends about all the confusion that was invading her thoughts.
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Back in his dormitory, James found his owl waiting for him at the end of his four poster bed. Remus said he'd heard it tapping on the window, and had let it in. Sirius was sitting on his bed, pretending to read a book. None of them were really in the mood to talk. Nonetheless, Remus couldn't help asking who the letter was from.
"My mother," James lied, trying to make his voice a normal mix of apathy and disappointment. He gave the owl a treat before it flew off to the owlry.
He stuck the letter on his bedside table, still folded, as though he was uninterested in it. He pretended to be tired, and eventually everyone went to sleep. In the privacy of his curtains, James unfolded the letter, reading it by wandlight.
When he finished, he almost smiled. He and this girl had more in common than one could imagine.
Ironically, that predicament reminds me of a ridiculous situation I've found myself in lately. All I can say is that maybe you should give this person a try. It might seem doubtful right now, but you might actually find a friend somewhere you weren't expecting. Honestly, I don't know if you even want my advice though. I seem to be trying to do something similar, and it's absolutely not working out in my favor. I won't bore you with the gory details, but we can just call it unrequited love and leave it at that.
He almost crossed out the last part, but decided if anyone would understand, she would. As long as he left his name off of the letter, there would be no way for anyone to figure out what he was talking about.
He tied the letter to his owl's leg, but told it to have a rest in the owlry and to deliver it some time the next day.
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Over the next week personal interaction between James and Lily was sparse, but written interaction was plentiful. When they were face to face, each of them was polite but distant, owing to a range of emotions from embarrassment to uncertainness. James thought Lily's attitude was her usual coldness, and was beginning to believe that the few kind conversations they had exchanged had just been flukes. Lily, on the other hand, believed James' distance was due to the fact that he was just as much of an adversary as ever.
Lily replied to James' note the day after he sent it.
The "gory details" would hardly bore me. You tried to help me, maybe I can help you. I don't know what to say without knowing more of the story (which you don't have to divulge unless you want to), but I will ask you this: does she know? Have you told her? I know it seems like the awful painful thing to do, and I probably wouldn't be able to follow my own advice, but you know what they say about desperate times.
And he replied:
I don't know if she knows or not. I mean, I sort of told her a while ago that I kind of liked her, but that was all so uncertain. As for telling her, really telling her? It does seem like the only way at this point, but… I don't know what to say except for that we aren't on the friendliest of terms and I don't doubt she would take it as some kind of cruel joke. By the way, how's your foe-friend coming? And on the subject of friends, I want to tell you that you're easier to talk to than my friends. Which is weird, since I've only ever known you on paper… and once in a mask.
Lily wrote back:
I'm glad you say that, because I can't say any of this to anyone else I know. Isn't it strange that you can almost get to know someone better without having to deal with outward appearances, or problems in day to day life. The "friend" thing isn't working out at all—we hardly speak, and I think my surmises from that other letter were due to lack of sleep or something stupid. I'm pretty sure that we're still adversaries, just as we've always been. The idea of friendship was just an illusion. Any progress with your girl?
James couldn't get out of his head how familiar that handwriting looked…. He put it out of his mind and replied:
I'm sorry you couldn't make friends with this adversary. I guess some people are just prats, and they will continue to be prats until they die. On the subject of my pathetic problem, there's nothing to report. I can't do anything around her. If I open my mouth, I make a complete idiot of myself, and if I don't, it makes it that much easier for her to ignore me. I completely agree with what you're saying about appearances getting in the way. For example, I feel like this girl has a preconceived notion about me, and if she just got rid of it and actually talked to me for once, maybe she'd se something more of the person that it seems you see.
Lily knew he was in love with someone else, but that didn't stop the twinge in her stomach, or the quickening of her heart whenever she got one of his letters. He was so easy to talk to… But how ridiculous was it to be falling for someone she'd only met once? She had never even seen his face, and only knew of him what he wrote in his letters.
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It was Friday, finally the end of the week. Sirius and Kaye hadn't been able to get Lily or James to talk about their letters to the "knight" and the "princess", which was highly worrying them both. It didn't help matters much that Sirius couldn't torment Kaye about the kiss anymore. Now he had no excuse to talk to her, so aside from the obvious restraint of not being able to discuss Lily and James, he had no way to find out if he could get that kiss after all.
That morning, Kaye went to breakfast and left early, hoping to catch Sirius on his way down. She waited at the marble staircase for him.
"Why are you sitting there?" asked a voice behind where she was sitting.
Kaye turned around. "Hi Sirius," she said.
"How are… things?" he asked, lowering his voice. She got up, and motioned for him to walk down the corridor away from the Great Hall.
"Things are bad. I can't get her to tell me anything. For all we know, they've found out about each other and are sending howlers."
Sirius shook his head. "Same." He took a breath. He wasn't going to end up pining over someone like James was. "It's a shame about that fake kiss," he ventured. "I miss having an excuse to torment you."
"It doesn't have to be fake…" she said slowly.
He didn't say anything else. He only smiled and kissed her for real this time.
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Thank goodness tomorrow was Saturday, thought Lily. Saturday. Why was that ringing a bell? A jolt went through her as she remembered. She was supposed to meet that knight in Hogsmeade tomorrow. But neither of them had mentioned it, and honestly she had forgotten until now. Did he even still remember?
It was already late in the day, and she wanted to send him a message before tomorrow. She hadn't received his reply to her last letter yet, but she was worried she would get it too late to reply about Hogsmeade. But how could she send him a message with another owl? Owls were smart, but not psychic. They wouldn't understand a direction such as "the knight" or "the guy that sent this letter."
She went back to her dormitory to drop off her bag before dinner, and thankfully, the knights owl was sitting on her windowsill.
James got her letter later that night. It read:
I don't feel like I can really know you until we've met, face to face. Remember we agreed to meet in Hogsmeade tomorrow at 8? Meet me where we sat talking during the masque.
He hastily scrawled his reply that yes, he would be there.
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"Lily! You forgot to go to dinner!" Mel exclaimed, walking into the girls' room.
Lily looked at the clock, and realized that she had been sitting on her bed for over an hour. She hadn't left after sending the letter to the knight.
"Good thing for you, I brought you some food," Kaye said, coming through the door after Mel, holding something wrapped in a napkin.
"Thanks," Lily said gratefully. She took the food from Kaye and began to eat it.
She was about to tell them both about the knight and their plan to meet, when Kaye burst out: "I have something to tell you guys! I have been keeping it in all day."
"What?" Mel asked quickly.
"Remember how Sirius gave me that kiss a week ago? Well, he didn't. And… well I got it today, and it was really good… and I think I like him," the last bit came out more like a squeal.
"You said you didn't like him! I knew you did!" Lily crowed, momentarily forgetting what was causing all the butterflies in her stomach.
"Are you going to go out now?" Mel inquired.
Kaye smiled. "I think so."
They spent another ten minutes talking about Sirius and Kaye until an owl scratched at the window. Lily ran to it and unlatched it, letting the owl in. This time, it flew away before Lily even had a chance to unfold the parchment.
I would love to.
That's all it said, but it caused the butterflies in Lily's stomach to intensify.
Kaye and Mel were staring at her. "You look happy… ish. Tell us what's going on! You've been silent all week!" Mel exclaimed.
"Okay, okay," Lily consented. She commenced to tell them about the letters (leaving out the bits about James Potter) and how they had agreed to meet tomorrow. Kaye almost opened her mouth to try to stop Lily, but she realized that it would be pointless and suspicious at this point.
The rest of the night was spent squealing about Lily and Kaye's prospective romances.
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James left his dormitory the next day at 7:30. He knew he would get there early, but he couldn't stand just sitting around anymore. He had told Sirius, Remus, and Peter, and had been surprised at how encouraging they had been. It was actually almost strange how excited they seemed to get.
James walked across the grounds, covered in his cloak. He reached the Whomping Willow and prodded the knot on the trunk with a long stick. He slowly made his way through the tunnel, wondering why there were butterflies in his stomach. Though he was still in love with Lily, through the past week, this other girl had seemed so much more tangible, and they got along so well…
Reaching the shrieking shack, James stowed his cloak in a corner, and snuck out the back door, skirting the shack widely incase anyone was watching.
He found the bench and sat down on it, fully aware that he was about twenty minutes early. He waited, a little bit more nervous than he would have cared to admit.
Lily used the one-eyed witch passage that the Marauders had told her about. Her heart was racing. She didn't know what she was going to say when she got there. She didn't even know who she expected to find.
She barely remembered coming through the trapdoor or leaving Honeydukes. Every step took her closer to that bench, and to finally meeting that knight. As she approached, the bench came into sight, and she could see a figure sitting on it, facing away from her. Drawing closer, she could see that the robes he was wearing were Hogwarts robes, which made her stomach jolt. A few steps closer revealed that he was wearing glasses. He had not yet turned around. That black hair looked so familiar…
Recognition and realization hit her like a punch to the stomach, and she stopped two feet away from the bench.
"No," she said in disbelief.
James Potter turned around at the sound of her voice. For a moment they just stared at each other.
James found his voice first. "You were writing….?"
But Lily found hers a second later. "Is this a trick? I didn't think you would go that low but…" she started to back up.
James caught her arm just as she turned to run.
"Let go," she bit coldly.
"Stop," James said. "Please, don't go. I didn't play a trick on you. I'm just as surprised as you are. But we were friends. We got along," he beseeched her.
Lily wanted to be angry. She wanted to run away, but his eyes looked so genuine. She pulled from his grasp and went to sit down on the bench. He remained standing, and again they were staring silently at each other.
"I don't know what to say," Lily said finally.
Lily struggled to organize her jumbled thoughts. James was the knight. She had been writing to James Potter, her nemesis, her enemy… and amazingly he had been a friend, and more. One of his letters came into her head.
"I judged you," Lily started slowly. "I judged you on a preconceived notion." He sat down and she looked at him.
"I did the same thing." He was surprised when Lily's words came into his head. Have you told her? No, he hadn't told her how he felt. He wasn't sure he could. This was extraordinarily awkward, and he thought she might still be mad.
She got up to go again, and this time he didn't stop her.
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James knew he had lost his chance. That was it, that was when he should have told her how he really felt. They could have a chance together. But James wasn't sure Lily knew that. Maybe they would stop being adversaries after this, but he couldn't see them being anything more than awkward acquaintances. Lily had despised him too much before this to have her mind completely changed. What were a few bits of parchment going to do?
Lily lay awake all night, turning the situation over and over in her head. She herself had been wondering if James would make a good friend. And, she realized, she had definitely felt something for him when all she knew was his letters. But he was the person she had most hated for six and a half years. When she thought about it more, though, she realized how easy it was to talk to him when they were getting along, not to mention in the letters. She may have been right in feeling like their enmity was pointless.
She sat up in bed, abruptly. She could not believe the conclusion that was running through her head, but there it was. She wanted him. But how did he feel? She had no idea. He hadn't given any indication that he fancied her since their fifth year. He had spoken of unrequited love, but at this point that could have meant anything.
I have to find him, she thought. She didn't know where to look, but maybe she could go into his dorm… or she could send an owl? Everything she thought of sounded stupid, but she felt useless and restless just sitting there doing nothing. She had to move.
Lily walked down to the common room, which was still faintly lit by the dying embers in the fireplace. And sitting on a couch close to the fire was a figure, staring into the dull glow.
Lily sat down on the couch next to him, but he didn't turn to look at her.
"I have to tell you something," he said, "even though I doubt it's anything you want to hear."
He knew he was being stupid, but he had to do it. He had to just tell her. If she reacted like he expected she would, well at least he would have the peace of mind to know he tried everything.
"I said something about unrequited love in one of my letters to you." He didn't dare look at her. "It's for you. It always has been."
Lily looked at him. "It's not unrequited," she said.
He looked at her quickly, hopefully. The next instant he had leaned over and pressed his mouth to hers.
------the end------