Hey everybody. This is really angsty, and I can't believe I put some of this on paper, but hey, that's life. Half of the premise comes partially from a really messed up dream that I blame on insomnia and daylight savings time. If that doesn't worry you, I don't know what will. Oh, and this is a one shot. This is it. Originally there was going to be a kiss at the end, but it didn't fit, so there isn't. Good stuff. Enjoy.
Sundered
Oh my gosh. Why did I even come home yesterday? I know I should have just kept walking, I'm sure Yugi would have let me stay for a few hours, a whole night. Whatever.
I'm so freaked out. I don't even know how I'm managing to walk to school today. I can't even imagine going home tonight, but I don't want to go to Yugi's. Come to think of it, I don't want to go to school. I can't face my friends. Not after this. My arm. It looks terrible. I should have put something on it, or at least a sweatshirt. Oh my gosh. There's school! I must keep my composure, otherwise everyone will know what happened. What I did. Though, as much as it horrifies me, I liked it. It felt good. It felt like something perfect for once in my life.
I remember a few weeks ago. Mom and dad have always had problems. She came up to me and told me that their recent fight was my fault. It was their own damn fault. I wasn't the one was having comprehension issues.
I can't believe she had an affair. That she just left. I don't want to even think about it, but I can't stop. What was so wrong? I know things weren't perfect. I know I wasn't always the best person. We got into a few fights, but I thought she knew that I still loved her.
My arm is throbbing again. Maybe I shouldn't have. She was the one who gave it to me. I guess in an effort not to hurt anyone, but look what good that did. I couldn't stand to see her anymore hurting my dad with words and fists, so I guess I ran to my room. It was all kind of a blur. Then the first time. It was odd, but good. I licked the blood away, but it kept running. It wasn't quite even in depth, so I had to do it again. It was so lovely, so perfect. I wanted more. The blood kept running. It was warm I remember. Blood has a distinctive taste to it, but that was like none other. I guess I fell asleep sometime after.
I wasn't woken up this morning. I was already late for school, so I took a shower. It felt good, until everything came rushing back. The affair, the fight, the cuts. My arm was lightly coated with dried blood. I looked at my sheets and decided they would have a good washing later. I had to cover them up though. I wouldn't want dad to have more things on his mind.
And here I am. The dancer. The cheerleader. The friendship fiend. The responsible one with unmasterably high esteem. The confused one who would like nothing better than to hide in a small corner and die. Was that a suicidal thought? What's wrong with me! Why am I doing this? I'm Tea, for god's sake! I'm not supposed to think stuff like that, though I guess I'm not supposed to cut myself or have a fucked up family. Why can't everthing be okay? I'm not the happy person everyone wants me to be. Maybe I have to except that as much as everyone else. Maybe these are normal. I doubt it. I've gone insane.
Ow! I have to remember not to scratch my arm. What are the guys going to say. I'm supposed to be the calm one who has no problems. Okay, I guess it's passing time. Must fake a smile.
I think Yugi noticed. What if he asks. What do I say. I think I told him that I wasn't feeling good. That's a decent enough excuse, even if he doesn't buy it. He will be avoiding me now. Yea, he is there, but not when things are really bad. When my world has completely shattered. I don't want to talk to him anyway. I don't want him to know what a freak I really am.
Oh good. Math. I'm good at math for some reason. This hour shouldn't be too bad. The prof is late. I'm sitting next to Ryou. He noticed as soon as I walked in the door. His eyes. They're soothing. I think I just told him that things weren't going fine. He won't press matters. I think he saw my arm. What if he says... he's leaning over. What the hell is he doing?
We're so close. This hug feels so good. I just want to stay here forever. And he told me it's going to be okay. I want to cry.
Sundered
Oh my gosh. Why did I even come home yesterday? I know I should have just kept walking, I'm sure Yugi would have let me stay for a few hours, a whole night. Whatever.
I'm so freaked out. I don't even know how I'm managing to walk to school today. I can't even imagine going home tonight, but I don't want to go to Yugi's. Come to think of it, I don't want to go to school. I can't face my friends. Not after this. My arm. It looks terrible. I should have put something on it, or at least a sweatshirt. Oh my gosh. There's school! I must keep my composure, otherwise everyone will know what happened. What I did. Though, as much as it horrifies me, I liked it. It felt good. It felt like something perfect for once in my life.
I remember a few weeks ago. Mom and dad have always had problems. She came up to me and told me that their recent fight was my fault. It was their own damn fault. I wasn't the one was having comprehension issues.
I can't believe she had an affair. That she just left. I don't want to even think about it, but I can't stop. What was so wrong? I know things weren't perfect. I know I wasn't always the best person. We got into a few fights, but I thought she knew that I still loved her.
My arm is throbbing again. Maybe I shouldn't have. She was the one who gave it to me. I guess in an effort not to hurt anyone, but look what good that did. I couldn't stand to see her anymore hurting my dad with words and fists, so I guess I ran to my room. It was all kind of a blur. Then the first time. It was odd, but good. I licked the blood away, but it kept running. It wasn't quite even in depth, so I had to do it again. It was so lovely, so perfect. I wanted more. The blood kept running. It was warm I remember. Blood has a distinctive taste to it, but that was like none other. I guess I fell asleep sometime after.
I wasn't woken up this morning. I was already late for school, so I took a shower. It felt good, until everything came rushing back. The affair, the fight, the cuts. My arm was lightly coated with dried blood. I looked at my sheets and decided they would have a good washing later. I had to cover them up though. I wouldn't want dad to have more things on his mind.
And here I am. The dancer. The cheerleader. The friendship fiend. The responsible one with unmasterably high esteem. The confused one who would like nothing better than to hide in a small corner and die. Was that a suicidal thought? What's wrong with me! Why am I doing this? I'm Tea, for god's sake! I'm not supposed to think stuff like that, though I guess I'm not supposed to cut myself or have a fucked up family. Why can't everthing be okay? I'm not the happy person everyone wants me to be. Maybe I have to except that as much as everyone else. Maybe these are normal. I doubt it. I've gone insane.
Ow! I have to remember not to scratch my arm. What are the guys going to say. I'm supposed to be the calm one who has no problems. Okay, I guess it's passing time. Must fake a smile.
I think Yugi noticed. What if he asks. What do I say. I think I told him that I wasn't feeling good. That's a decent enough excuse, even if he doesn't buy it. He will be avoiding me now. Yea, he is there, but not when things are really bad. When my world has completely shattered. I don't want to talk to him anyway. I don't want him to know what a freak I really am.
Oh good. Math. I'm good at math for some reason. This hour shouldn't be too bad. The prof is late. I'm sitting next to Ryou. He noticed as soon as I walked in the door. His eyes. They're soothing. I think I just told him that things weren't going fine. He won't press matters. I think he saw my arm. What if he says... he's leaning over. What the hell is he doing?
We're so close. This hug feels so good. I just want to stay here forever. And he told me it's going to be okay. I want to cry.