Wild-filly: Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed... I'll quit stalling since I'm well past the fic deadline – enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will --

Part III

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"FOR THE LAST TIME NO! THE NEXT PERSON TO ASK ME IS GETTING THROWN OUT THE CAR WITHOUT STOPPING FIRST!!"

Ishizu had swirled around to face them, completely ignoring the traffic as the car continued to plough haphazardly through the street. Everyone quailed and shrank back against the cheap upholstery, unable to look her in the eye. She truly was quite terrifying when annoyed, with what seemed to be the standard Ishtar Death Glare ™ and deranged steering.

Nervously, Ryou opened his mouth only to be met with the full power of Ishizu's furious demeanour.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!"

"Err... I don't mean to offend you in any way, but we passed my house about three turnings ago".

The Toyota screeched to a halt, navigated a highly illegal turn through the traffic lanes and took off back the way they came, Ishizu almost gnawing at the steering wheel in fury.

Joey slid a glance to Marik, who was staring out of the window wearing a completely nonchalant expression.

"Hey Marik, I think I see where you may have picked up the whole mental issues thing".

Now Joey was being glared at by two enraged Ishtars. He sank deeper into the seat, no longer sandwiched so tightly together by Yugi and Yami on either sides as both the hikari and pharaoh tried to scramble out of range. "Sorry I said anything?"

Ishizu gave him one last venomous glance before returning her attention to the road, Marik however maintained his murderous glare right up until the moment the car pulled up into Ryou's driveway, at which point he was promptly flattened by the surging mass of people trying to get out of the car. Joey joined the others in the scramble and determinedly ensured that there were at least three people between him and either of the Ishtar siblings, neither of whom appeared to feel any kind of good will towards him.

Clutching a battered cake box and plastic bag stuffed full of random, gaudy party supplies, Tea pulled Ryou aside. "Is there any way you can distract your Yami for long enough just so we can set everything up?"

Ryou nodded anxiously, "uhh yes... I'm not sure. There's one way we can get him out of the house, but I doubt it will be possible, since he now has a court restraining order from approaching ANY icecream van".

Tea blinked, "what happened with the icecream van?"

He shuffled his feet, sighing, "well I suppose it was partially my fault. I should never have let him go find out what icecream was in the first place, but I just wanted him to get out of the house so I could try to put out the flames in the kitchen without him making the whole process even harder than it already was".

Yugi wandered over, sympathetic grin in place, "I think I see where this is going. Yami would probably have reacted in a similar way if an icecream truck ever stopped near our house".

Catching his name, Yami looked down his nose arrogantly at his grinning hikari, "I resent your judgement of me to be on the same level as that you give the honourless thief. And what on earth is an icecream truck?"

"Never mind Yami. You probably wouldn't like it"

"No? Why not?"

"Because I would probably try to kill you afterwards"

"Ah"

Ryou shuddered, "I sent him outside and after I managed to put the fire out, I stuck my head out around the front door to see what was taking him so long and it turned out that he had managed to hijack the van and successfully crash it into one of the neighbour's gardens". Shaking his head in disdain, he continued, "his explanation for his actions was that he wanted to save time and steal all of the strange sugar by-products at once; however the horseless chariot proved impossible to control. In other words, sugar has a bad affect on him to the point that he is now no longer allowed within a fifty metre range of any food-distributing vehicle".

Ryou glared as his collection of friends and random associates snickered appreciatively, each picturing Yami Bakura's "adventure" perfectly in their minds. Tea stopped first and glared at everyone else until they followed suit.

"Right; some of us need to convince an icecream truck to come down this stretch of road. Ryou, you make sure that Yami Bakura gets out of the house and chases after it and the rest of us will set up the party and wait you to get back. If you're not back in three hours, we'll all come down to the local police station and try to bail you out, ok?"

Tristan scratched his head in confusion, "how are we supposed to get some random icecream-truck-guy to deliberately drive down the street home to a known maniac with a bad past history?"

Marik grinned, "Yugi, you don't by any chance have the Millennium Rod anywhere nearby do you?"

Yugi shook his head, "no, to the best of my knowledge it's still at home".

As Marik's face fell, Ryou gave a slight cough, catching the group's attention. Sheepishly he muttered, "I was going to make him return it today but..."

Marik was glaring at the woebegone Ryou with such hatred it was almost funny, "that stupid tomb robber has MY Millennium Rod?!"

"Technically it's Yugi's..." chipped in Yami, but as Marik glared at him in a way so remisant of both his sister and schizophrenic form that he shut up. Ryou raised his hands in mock surrender, "no! I took it off him and buried it in the garden where he wouldn't find it".

Marik's look of anger turned to one of horror, "you buried it? In the filthy ground?! Do you have any idea how long it takes to polish it to its former glory after it's gotten dirty?"

Sweatdropping, Ryou shook his head and hurried off, clumsily scaling the garden fence and disappearing from view. Ishizu stared reproachfully at her younger brother for a moment, "does anyone have a mobile phone?"

Tea produced one from her purse and Ishizu tapped in several numbers, walking away a couple of strides in order to search for the appropriate company in peace. Marik smirked, "I'll take control over one of their minds and have them send someone down here. As soon as the stupid tomb robber takes off after it, I'll have them drive away and stay out of range. That way the police won't get involved and I'll have successfully annoyed the grave robber in return for his birthday gift". Yugi didn't like the look on the "reformed" megalomaniac's face. It was too much like the unreformed megalomaniac they all used to know and love.

"Marik? I'm pretty sure that I could use the Millennium Rod for this one"

The Egyptian's mauve eyes widened in shock, "you? Never! I am the one who has the most prowess over it, therefore I should be the one!"

"But you gave it to me!"

"I still deserve it more!"

Before yet another round of verbal tennis could ensue, Ryou clambered over the fence again, clutching the Millennium Rod wrapped in a blanket. Yugi stepped forward expectantly, but Marik leaped towards it eagerly, snatching it out of Ryou's hands and hugging it as though it were a beloved stuffed toy. Everyone sweatdropped, stepping a little further away from the tomb keeper while Yugi decided against trying to pry it from Marik's adoring hands for favour of maintaining breathing.

Ishizu returned, obviously not impressed that her brother had once again resumed control of the Millennium item he had oh-so-kindly killed their father with, but handed him over the phone all the same. In a matter of moments, some poor person miles away was being forced into an icecream truck and given very specific orders to bypass all other customers just to drive down one specific street.

"Spirit?"

A deafening silence was Ryou's only reply.

"Spirit! I know you can hear me!"

Yet more silence. A box of crickets was released in the background so they could chirp and complete the mood, however they unfortunately met with an untimely end at the hands, or more accurately, the claws of the tomb robber's homemade mouse-insect-potential-hikari-and-pharaoh-dispatching-trap, thus thwarting the author's pathetic attempt to set the scene.

"SPIRIT!!!!"

Ryou scuffed his battered training shoes against the scorched carpet, muttering under his breath, "I knew I shouldn't have thought to tell him that there's an unregistered icecream van heading this way".

In a turn of speed that would shame sound and give lightning a nasty shock, the tomb raider (not Lara Croft, fools!) materialised at Ryou's elbow like a vampiric butler from those old movies. "Icecream van?"

Ryou nodded, staring pointedly at a knife gouge in the wall, "I thought you couldn't hear me".

"I was just ignoring you".

"I figured".

"Hang on a minute, why would you be telling me this?" The tomb robber's old suspicion rose to the surface, temporarily suspending its evil glee at the prospect of another icecream van joyride.

Ryou took a deep breath; he couldn't lie to save his life, "It's a birthday treat since you were so depressed earlier; you get to attack an innocent law-abiding, inoffensive citizen and I won't give you grief about it afterwards".

Yami Bakura's eyes narrowed, "I wasn't depressed! How dare you accuse me of being depressed? I've never been depressed in my life!"

Ryou chuckled inwardly; what a clever loophole in that comment, "I thought you were technically dead?"

"That's besides the point!" The tomb robber was now blushing an unusual beet-red which clashed horribly with his white hair. Had he been wearing a green sweater he could have passed off easily as an early Christmas decoration, or possibly a colourblind lunatic.

Ryou sighed, "Look, I'm going to go continue scraping the ash off the ceiling, so you go and attack that poor innocent and pretend you're sneaking out and doing this only to irritate me, ok?"

The psychotic thief blinked and then smiled, eyes bent in a most uncharacteristic cheerful expression, "this is the best birthday present ever!"

As the thief vanished upstairs to recover his assortment of knives, lock-picking sets and other threats to society, Ryou chuckled and hoisted his present over his shoulders, disappearing into the living room. It was amazing how inobservant the tomb robber could be.

"Shut up! He's coming!" Hiding behind the shrubbery flanking the driveway that lead to Ryou Bakura's house, Yugi, Yami, Tea, Ishizu, Mokuba, Joey, Tristan, Marik and the possessively-clutched Millennium Rod were putting their amazing skills of camouflage to the test.

Dashing out the front door, the chalk-haired tomb robber jogged to the end of the driveway and stood expectantly at the kerb. Without even looking around, he groaned, "Pharaoh, if you're going to try spying on people behind bushes, get a haircut first would you?!"

"Stand up Yami!" hissed Yugi, "he hasn't seen the rest of us yet!"

Coughing uncomfortably, Yami struggled to his feet, shedding leaf litter and stammering furiously as he tried to think of an explanation for his presence.

"Tomb robber, there is a reason for my presence here" Now if only I could think of one, Yami mentally added.

Yami Bakura snorted arrogantly, "there's no need for you to explain pharaoh. You know fine you'll ever be half the man I am; I could only expect that you would hang around and hope to learn by example".

Choking, spluttering, even sneezing in fury, Yami couldn't even dignify that with an intelligible answer.

"Half the man you are?! I've seen the photographs of you stuck up that tree in the park!"

The arrogant stance slipped ever so slightly, "what tree?"

Yami snickered, "It was on the news you moron; you took fright when an ambulance drove past and bolted up a tree and then couldn't get down for vertigo".

"That's irrelevant! It was a very high tree!"

"It was a potted shrub, you idiot!"

"Potted shrub, potted tree, what's the difference?"

"It was a three-foot high shrub; that's the difference!"

The Spirit of the Millennium Ring was spared from having to invent a cunning response to that last, embarrassingly factual remark as a candy-floss pink icecream van came bowling down the road, swerving haphazardly and wreaking havoc on innocent pedestrians.

"Left a bit....how're you supposed to keep this thing straight?" muttered the wielder of the Millennium Rod from where he was sprawled on his stomach on the soggy mulch of the hedge's garden bed.

Ishizu threw her brother an exasperated look and hissed, "you drive that ridiculous motorbike everywhere – why can't you drive a stupid icecream van?"

Marik gritted his teeth, "do I see you driving it? Have you any idea how difficult it is to be controlling some moron's mind, driving a van with dodgy brakes, arguing with your know-it-all sister and trying to stay out of sight from some prehistoric jewellery thief with sadist issues?"

Ishizu's eyes widened strangely, "forget I asked"

As the van swept jerkily past where the tomb robber was waiting on the kerb with excitement, Yami Bakura lurched after it, lock-picking set between his teeth and maniacal grin playing across his face.

"GO!"

In a flurry of mulch, leaves, feet and Millennium Items, the strange assortment of hedge-dwellers abandoned their natural habitat and filed into Ryou's home. Ryou shook his head sadly as he surveyed the impressive leaf and muddy-footprint trail that now marched its way over the carpet, onto the kitchen tiles, up the stairs, into the cupboards and for some part, wound its way up the ceiling.

"Uhhh...people... I don't mean to sound like a nag, but how on earth did you manage to get footprints on the ceiling?"

"Because of this!" shrieked Yugi indignantly, from where he was being escorted along the ceiling from the ground by an assortment of "helpers". Joey grinned amiably, "we need someone to hang streamers from the ceiling, and no one else can reach by themselves".

"This is highly unsafe! I'm getting too much blood to the head!"

"Blood to the head is good for thinking"

"I don't want to do any thinking right now!"

"Quit complaining Yugi, just another eight rolls left"

"Spirit!! Help me!"

From where he was excavating the fridge and avoiding Tea's death glares as he tried to subtly pick at the cake, Yami heard the terrified cries of his hikari.

"I'M COMING YUGI!!!"

He tore out of the kitchen like a cheetah wearing rollerblades on an iceskating rink, flailing around the kitchen corner and bolting down the passage, barrelling into the living room and right into Joey. The King of Games went flying, knocking Joey off balance and also managing to collide with a selection of breakable items before coming to a sliding finish under the coffee table. Joey teetered and crashed into Tristan, who crashed into Mokuba, which well and truly ended the balancing act of Yugi's escort, sending all four into a pained pile on the floor. There was a distinct shredding noise as Yugi took out all of the streamers with him and they joined the groaning pile on the floor, wrapping everyone in festive shades.

"What was that noise?" Marik ambled into the room in confusion, tripped on the pile that was Yugi, Mokuba, Tristan and Joey, rolled into the coffee table, knocked off the coffee balanced on the coffee table, burned the pharaoh with said coffee and set the said pharaoh burned with said coffee on unsaid murderous rampage over the living room furniture. Tea heard the murderous screams and came to throw a bucket of cold water over whoever it was issuing them, only to fall over the pile that was Yugi, Mokuba, Tristan and Joey and dump the bucket of water over the partially-comatose Marik as Yami rampaged around them.

"COLD!!!!!"

"Shut up! He's coming!"

Freeze frame. Everyone's eyes widened and looked at each other. Except for Yami who was still shrieking in anger and pain and trying to vault over the TV set. Ryou hurried into the room with Ishizu, face faulted at the mess and hid behind the couch. Ishizu grabbed Marik by the fringe and dragged him yelping behind a different couch, doubtless to receive some kind of verbal abuse. Yugi untangled himself, stuck out a foot, tripped his insanely-screeching royal half and pretended to be invisible as the front door was shoved open and the thief king entered, darkly muttering about lunatic drivers and low-fat icecream.

As Yami Bakura strode past the living room door with the intention of heading for the kitchen and some serious food poisoning, he froze and stared in utter shock at the normally pristine living room.

"SURPRISE!!"

Ryou and Ishizu grinned out at him from behind the couch, Marik was ignoring him as he tried to wring the water out of his hair, Tea was rubbing her forehead and wincing, Yugi was poking Yami with the TV remote, Yami was unconscious, Mokuba was eating fistfuls out of a sugar bag and Joey and Tristan appeared to be unconscious on the carpet.

"I don't think it was necessary to point out the obvious".

Wild-filly: more soon