Revenge

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   AN: Came back with this because everyone loves humor, heh, couldn't stop writing.

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   "How's that look?" Raphael asked Michelangelo in the main room, thrusting a patched up panda toy into his younger brother's face. "Better?" He added in a bittersweet voice. Since the turtle had no money, Raph had to stitch Mikey's teddy bear up, or else suffer the end of Master Splinter's cane. It had seemed so fun to stuff the head down the garbage disposal, but it was sure as hell a pain stitching it back up with two fingers lager than normal, and not an ounce of skill with a needle. His fingers were stinging from the many pricks he had inflicted accidentally. His jaw, too, was aching from the many times he had grinded his teeth together.

   Mikey took the panda with a pout. "You mutilated my teddy more than when you stuffed it down the garbage disposal!" He moaned. "It looked better when it HAD no head."

   From the kitchen, Donatello turned his eyes to the teddy. Indeed it actually did look better when it was decapitated. Donny really hadn't seen any sense in stitching it up, since half of it was chewed and gone. The face was disfigured so badly Donny wasn't sure if it was upside down or on the wrong way, or if its features were actually there.

   "I can put it out of its misery and shove the rest of it down the garbage disposal," Raph growled.

   Mikey pulled it out of reach. "No – I've had this bear for ages! I'm not getting rid of it." So he was being a little childish with a teddy, it was important. It had a story . . . one that he wouldn't remember, but it did have one.

   Donny rolled his eyes and looked past his two brothers as Splinter entered. His whiskers had been singed off into stubbles, and the fur around his mouth was rather black and stuck up in a windswept way. Fur proved difficult to clean after an explosion. Mikey winced and avoided eye contact.

   "Mikey, it's a bear," Raph said, unaware of Splinter's entrance. "It's not even a whole bear, it's dirty, it's ugly – and it smells like sh –"

   "Sure, Raph," Mikey said loudly. "Like you?"

   Raph blinked at Mikey's odd expression. He frowned and turned to see his father behind him, making his way past him towards the stairs.

   Raph turned back to Mike. "So're you satisfied or do you want me to make changes to its face?" He indicated the toy.

   "No – nooo," Mikey backed away towards the train cars. "Just don't touch him again." He pleaded. Mike walked into his room and a second later appeared teddy-less.

   Splinter made his way to the bathroom behind the ladder, and just as he shut the door, Leo descended from above in his trench coat and hat.

   "Hey, Leo, did you find anything?" Donny asked, walking out of the kitchen area to stand near Mike.

   "I didn't know what I wanted so I grabbed a few things," Leo answered, taking off his gear and smiling.

   "Huh? Where's Leo been?" Mikey spoke up, throwing Don a frown.

   Leo trotted down the stairs with a grocery bag. "Shopping, I'm cooking the dinner today."

   This took a few seconds to settle in.

   "Leo's making dinner?" Mikey asked, as though this were the most ridiculous and scariest thing to happen.

   "Sure, why not?" Leo smiled as he came to a stop into front of his youngest brother.

   Mikey just stood there with his mouth open. " . . . no reason . . ." Mikey said blankly. This is a night where he was going to be tossing his stomach.

   "Good," Leo said, and walked over to the kitchen, where he took the items of food out of the bag. Mike didn't dare look at them.

   Donny turned to his lab and disappeared inside, muttering, "I'm glad I've already eaten today . . ."

   Mikey heard it and looked worryingly at the phone. "I think I'll phone for a pizza. I'm starved."

   "Oh, sorry, Mike, I busted it when I was arguing with the pizzeria," Raph said, and his brother missed the grin on his face.

   Mikey's looked at the machine. Yep, it was busted, the big dent was a sure sign. The turtle turned back into the room. "Fine, I'll grab some money and go get one." He headed for his room, and searched about for a bit until his voice floated out. "Hey, where's my ten dollars?"

   "I dunno," Leo said casually, looking at the new food he had brought. Raph sniggered silently and Leo threw him a grin and looked at the VCR clock.

   "Oh man, now I'll have to eat Leo's cooking," Mikey moaned as he walked out.

   Ten minutes later, a strange odor filled the lair, making Mike turn his nose up and sniff with a look of horror. Raph seemed to not to have noticed the stench, as he was reading his magazine with a normal expression.

   "You can't smell that?" Mike asked Raph.

   "Smell what?" Raph muttered with his head still half hidden behind the page he was reading.

   Mikey's eyes widened in disbelief. "That smell!" He whispered. "It smells like Splinter after he's got in from the rain!" Mike remembered the stench of wet fur.

   "Mm," Raph murmured.

   "Dinner's served!" Leo called from the kitchen, glancing at the clock.

   "Dinner's rank, don't'cha mean," Mikey muttered quietly.

   "Uck," came a noise from Donny's lab.

   The tree turtles in the room were soon provided with plates full of what looked like compost with bits of burnt bacon.

   As Mike and Raph seated themselves on the couch, Leo had walked back to grab his own plate. When he came back he walked around the couch, placing something silently down next to Raph's side. The red bandanna wearing turtle let slip a smirk, which he quickly hid. Leo sat down in Splinter's armchair next to Raph's side of the couch.

   Mike poked his food with a look of revulsion. He quickly hid it behind a smile as he caught Leo looking at him, with his own grin.

   "Tuck in, I swear it's not as bad as it looks," the leader said as he spooned himself a chunk of his own cooking. He put it in his mouth and chewed, as though proving it was edible. Of course, that spoonful was, the rest he couldn't be so sure.

   "Hey guys," came a feminine voice from the stairs.

   Mike turned to April as she climbed down the ladder. "Hey, April," he greeted with a smile.

   Quickly, Raph dumped half his plateful into the trashcan Leo had hidden behind the edge of the couch. Leo and him swapped plates so Raph could empty most of that one too. Leo looked at the clock on the VCR and smiled. April had made it exactly on time.

   The news reporter glanced at the plates in hand and a smile crept onto her lips. She quickly made it into a friendly greeting grin.

   "Something smells . . . different," April blinked, sitting on the armchair Raph had claimed, opposite Splinter's.

   "Yeah, it's good," Raph said, holding up his own half empty plate and chewing. A compliment from Raph was rare, but he wasn't a bad actor.

   There was a very quiet snigger from the lab, one that made Leo glance over his shoulder to the door. He turned his eyes back to see Mikey gingerly putting a spoonful of Leo's cooking into his mouth, and chewing. April was trying to hide her laughter behind a cough.

   "So, Ape, what've you been doing? Been busy?" Leo asked, trying to draw away the attention from his youngest brother, who seemed to have having difficulty swallowing.

   "No, not really," April took the hint to strike diversionary conversation. "I see you have, first time cooking properly, Leo?"

   "Yeah, but I think this is the first and last," he said. "I won't cook anymore, so guys, eat up, because I promise I'll let one of you make dinner, or order."

   "Oh, okay Leo," Mike said, and, feeling that since his brother knew when to quit, the least he could do was finish the dinner his brother had prepared.

   Donny chose that moment to appear from his room. "Hey April," he said, acknowledging her presence. He moved into the kitchen.

   "Anyone want a coke?" He asked, opening the refrigerator.

   "Me," Mike said at once, looking around at his brother.

   There was another swapping of plates behind his back as Raph scraped the rest of the food into the trashcan.

   "Oh man, I'm stuff," Raph said. "I'm never eating your cooking again, Leo."

   "Yeah, me neither," he grinned as he stretched.

   Mikey turned back. Seeing Leo and Raph's plates empty, Mike felt compelled to finished his own. He shoveled his food down quickly, as though trying to finish it before he could take it. When he had finished, Leo got up and took everyone's plates.

   "I heard about the pranks you played on everyone, Mikey," April brought up the subject. "Where was your punishment?"

   He smiled sheepishly. "I had to –" he paused to put a hand on his stomach, his expression turned queasy. "Um, I had to – ugh –" he covered his mouth over his hand; his eyes wide, before drooping ill-like. "Ugh – I gotta – where's the – " He leapt to his feet and ran into the kitchen, one hand on his stomach, the other over his mouth, searching frantically for something.

   "Er, trashcan's over there," Donny pointed, staring at his brother.

   Mike rushed over to it just in time to let out what was fighting up. His brothers and April made faces.

   "I swore I put a laxative in that food," Leo stared thoughtfully at the ceiling as Mike continued to hurl.

   "Yeah," Raph said, walking to stand next to Leo with his arms folded. "He was meant to run into the bathroom. It's coming out the wrong end."

   "Why? What've you done to the bathroom?" April asked.

   "Er, guys," Don spoke up. "Splinter's been in that bathroom for quite a while . . ."

   Everyone was silent, except for the sounds of Mikey disagreeing with Leo's cooking. Raph and Don blinked and looked at Leo.

   "Leo," Raph said slowly. "Did you put the superglue on the toilet seat . . . ?"

   Leo blinked. " . . . Oh no . . ."

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   Don't'cha love being evil to Splinter? * laughs evilly *