Episode Twenty: Jon Dies Yet Again
One day, in the naturally flavored land of Tortall, Alanna had made a big commitment in her pathetic life. "Guess what? I want to live in a sand pit with a family of snakes! I have vowed that I will do it someday!"
George was confused, disturbed, and hungry for chocolate pie. "Why would you want to do that, Alanna?"
"Sand is nice and comfy!" she replied, even though she was a notorious hater of sand.
"I am now very freaked out," said George, who was very freaked out.
"I appear to have an icicle for a brain," Gary realized.
"I don't even have a brain!" Jonathan complained. A complaint was usually the first thing that Jon always started out with saying.
Without warning, Goldstreak the amazing talking darking exclaimed, "There is a pinstriped pig in my bathtub! Run away!"
Cleon caught sight of Goldstreak and picked him up. "Oh boy! Pudding!"
"You sick freak," said the darking. "I'm not pudding, you are." He slithered out of Cleon's fingers and crawled away.
"Cleon, may I borrow your front teeth?" Jon asked.
"But I need them to Cleon the kitchen sink!"
"I'll just make my slave clean your sink for you, Cleon," said Kel. She whipped her slave, Tobe. "CLEAN THE SINK NOW!"
"Yes ma'am!" squeaked Tobe, who had just eaten some Applesauce of Utter Doom.
"Kel, you're really starting to scare me," said Neal.
"That isn't scary!" cackled Roger. "Evil is fun!"
"I have recently become a member of Roger's Evil Club!" said Kel. "Mwahahahahahahahaha!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Neal.
"I have been glued to the air freshener!" yelled Thayet, who had accidentally glued an air freshener to her forehead.
"Shang Dragon to the rescue!" shouted Liam. He took a vacuum cleaner out of his pocket and vacuumed up Thayet.
"What in the name of Jon's nonexistent brain is a vacuum cleaner?" Alanna wondered.
"Maybe it's magic!" said Jon.
"M-m-m-m-m-magic! Noooooo!" Liam ran away screaming his head off like a sissy girl.
"I'm allergic to walnuts," said Owen.
"Here, have a walnut," said Kel, holding one out.
"I'd love to!" Owen grabbed the walnut and ate it. "Uh-oh. Now I've hives all over various parts of my body that I usually don't display to the public!"
Suddenly, there was a random explosion. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"What was that?" asked Fred the pickle.
"I don't know, but I think it was Cleon!" said Kel, pointing an accusing finger at him.
"Hey!" said the offended Cleon. "My gas isn't that bad!"
"I believe I have misplaced my lucky toilet plunger," said Daine, in hopes of increasing the drama.
"Oops!" said Cleon. "I think I ate it for lunch!"
All of a sudden, Joren let out a long, distressed, anguish-filled scream.
"What's wrong?" asked Daine.
"I broke a nail!" Joren started to cry hysterically.
"So did I!" said a random carpenter. He showed everyone his broken nails, hammers, and saws. "I'm a failure as a carpenter!"
Jon suddenly passed out from a lack of oxygen. "Oh my gosh!" said Alanna. "There's a lack of oxygen! We're all gonna die!"
"Oops!" said Numair rather sheepishly. "I must have used some of the oxygen to make my magic oxygen omelette!"
George put a paper bag over his head. "I'm invisible! Hehehehehe!"
Ozorne the Stormwing flew by and grabbed the paper bag in his beak. "I was wondering where my wife went off to." He kissed the paper bag and flew away with it.
That event left Daine scarred for life. "No! I will be left scarred forever!"
"No, I'm scarred forever!" said Harry Potter, pointing at his scar.
"Oh no, it's a famous kid! Kill it!" said Jon, who began chasing Harry around. Harry started to scream like a two-year-old girl. "Hmm, I think I would rather be a two-year-old girl from now on." He disappeared.
"Now that was weird," commented Fred.
Goldstreak the darking had regained his courage and decided to come back. He oozed himself over to a bowl of pudding and started to happily eat it.
"OH MY GOSH A MOOSE JUST ATE MY FATHER!"
"I am not a moose!" said Goldstreak indignantly. "And that wasn't your father, it was only pudding." He went back to happily eating his pudding.
"KILL ALL THE PUDDING!" Gray then ran around waving his sword and hacked apart some pudding every once in a while.
"Um... I think Gary has finally cracked," said Alanna.
An egg fell off of a table and cracked. "So have I!" it said.
"I like eggs," said Jon rather stupidly.
"I smell like eggs," said Ozorne, who was dancing with his paper bag wife.
The Easter Bunny suddenly appeared, and he was inexplicably angry. "DO NOT DARE SPEAK ILL OF THE EGGS!" he vented out his anger by slicing and dicing Ozorne and putting him in a salad.
"Haha! Better him than me!" laughed Fred.
The Easter Bunny had begun to eat his Ozorne salad. Suddenly, he spit it out and tossed it in the garbage. "I just remembered that I hate salad!" He then perished from the earth.
"Hooray!" shouted various children. "We are freed at last from the terrible Easter Bunny monster!"
Jon burst into tears. "But I happened to like the Easter Bunny!"
Dracula the Vampire suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "I am... hollow!" he said dramatically. Nobody was affected by his drama, and so he bit Jon in the neck and Jon died.
"I am blissfully unaffected by this sudden loss," droned Thayet.
"I must go now go off and polish my freakishly large fangs," said Dracula forlornly, since nobody was paying attention to him.
"But you're supposed to die!" Carl the friar shrieked at Dracula. He then started dancing with a silver stake in each hand and dragged Dracula away.
Fred started to twitch, if pickles were capable of twitching. "Too... much... chaos!"
Alanna then threw sand at everybody. "I'M THE SAND MAN!" She then fulfilled her lifelong dream and went off to live in a sand pit with a family of snakes. George got over her loss and became happily married to a chocolate pie.
Hehe, I just couldn't resist the Dracula and Carl part. Been watching too much Van Helsing.