Chapter 8

Mixups and Mayhem

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A half an hour had passed since the Death Eaters set out on each of theirs tasks to execute Operation Harry Potter. Severus was just walking through the hideout door with his potion when he saw what lay inside. He hit himself on the forehead for being so stupid. How could he have forgotten to tell them that one little detail? He knew he couldn't expect them to think for themselves and scolded himself. Well, it was too late now, though. chained to the floor was a perfectly conscious, Miss Granger.

"What the hell is this?" he asked Crabbe and Goyle motioning to Hermione.

"Granger..grunt...girl..." was all that came out.

"I see," said Severus who was holding back his temper. "And why is she conscious?"

Crabbe and Goyle shrugged.

"You do realize you've already put the plan in jeopardy? Now she knows where our hideout is, she knows I'm working for the Dark Lord, and she's probably figured out what the plan is by now! She's not even gagged properly!" his voice was little more than a hiss.

"Severus, what's the problem?" questioned Voldemort as he strolled into the hideout. "Oh, I see you have the Polyjuice potion. You can go ahead and transform into Granger and go get Potter.

"You just divulged most of the plan, My Lord. Now she knows everything. Crabbe and Goyle took her without stunning her! This could ruin everything!" Severus groaned and shook his head thoroughly defeated.

"Just drink the potion and exchange clothes," said Voldemort who was in a hurry to start the plan. The Dark Lord took Crabbe and Goyle by the arms and led them outside. There were two distant 'CRUCIO!'s, agonized screams and then silence.

"Well, Miss Granger, I'm really sorry I have to do this, but it's the only way," Severus said looking coldly down at Hermione.

"Oh, I know what's going to happen," she said simply. Severus raised an eyebrow. "You're going to save me and we're going to fall madly in love, have knee-knocking sex, and eventually I'll either become a pregnant student or your wife."

Severus stared at her looking shocked and a little disgusted. "Er- Stupefy!" he said and she went out cold. Severus breathed a sigh of relief. At least they could always erase her memory because that was definently not going to happen.

Snape drank the potion and a few minutes later looked exactly like Hermione. His adult robes were hanging off his new girlish form and he slipped them off trying not to touch anything he shouldn't. He then took off the real Hermione's robes still trying desperately not to touch anything and put them on. He swept out of the hideout quickly and met the Dark Lord outside.

"How did you get loose?" the Dark Lord hissed at the Granger-Snape and he raised his wand.

"No! Wait," Snape pleaded as he put out his female hands to stop the Dark Lord. "It's me..."

"Crucio!" the Dark Lord yelled.

Severus screamed in agony and yelled for Voldemort to stop but he wouldn't listen. Finally he had to resort to calling him 'Daddy'.

"Oh, Severus, it is you! I'm so sorry," the Dark Lord said picking Snape up off the ground. "You have breasts!"

"Shut up. We're wasting time. I should be up at the castle now. Has the letter been sent?" Severus asked shakily pulling himself together.

"No, I was just going to start on it." The Dark Lord swept into the hideout and left Severus who was walking briskly up to the castle.

The Dark Lord sat down at his desk, that has never been mentioned before but has always been there. He took out a quill and parchment and wrote down the following:

Dearest Harry,

Come to the Astronomy Tower as soon as you get this. I'll be awaiting your arrival and look forward to torturing you in a sexual way.

Love,

Hermione

Feeling extremely proud of the witty letter he tied it to an brown barn owl who had not been mentioned before but is necessary to the plot and it soared into the air towards Gryffindor Tower.

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Meanwhile Severus was waiting patiently in the Astronomy Tower when he heard footsteps coming towards him from behind. He turned around but as he did so two arms grabbed him around the middle and warm lips touched his neck. He tried to pull away but his strength had gone along with his real body. Finally he decided to be more crafty, anything to stop Potter from sucking on his neck.

"Harry," he said in his own voice. Harry stopped suprised. "I mean, Harry," Severus made his voice high-pitched."Could you stop for a moment, there's something I want to ishow/i you," he said in the most sultry tone he could manage. Harry let him go.

Snape turned around brandishing his wand and shouted "Stupefy!". Harry fell to the floor unconcious. "Locomotor mortis," Severus said and Harry's body levitated and together they moved down the intricate hallways all the while trying not to be seen. They finally reached the hideout without incident and Voldemort unstunned Harry.

"He's here! He's here," Voldemort squealed as he stared at Harry. But as he stared his eyes caught something very strange that was happening to Harry's hair. It was turning blond, and he was getting paler. The scar seemed to diminish as well.

"Draco!?" shouted Snape infuriated. He was already planning to vomit after having Harry kiss him, but Draco? Lucius had told Severus that Draco liked to eat his own bogies. That was too much. He ran outside and vomitted in the bushes all over Crabbe and Goyle who were hiding after their altercation with Voldemort. They didn't really seem to mind so he went back inside preparing to murder Draco, who had completely ruined everything.

"Why on earth were you pretending to be Harry, Draco?" Snape asked him infuriated.

"I wanted to get a piece of you. You look good to be a Mudblood... Don't tell my father I said that," Draco said as he batted his eyes at the Hermione/Snape.

"I'm not Hermione, Draco," Snape growled disgusted as he was beginning to transform. He quickly changed back into his robes and threw Hermione's clothes on top of her to prevent Draco from seeing her. Finally, a full grown Severus Snape was standing in front of Draco. This time Draco vomited.

"Ugh!" he retched once more onto the floor. "Why were you transformed as Hermione? Wanted a piece of Potter, did you?"

"Twenty points from Slytherin!" Severus said his temper flaring. "Wait, what am I saying? Anwyay," he said recovering himself," we were just in the middle of a brilliant operation before you just screwed it up! Get out of here Draco! And don't breath a word of this to anyone or I'll put Crabbe and Goyle on you."

Draco scampered out of the hideout and up to the castle.

"Well we better unstun Granger and erase her memory," said Severus. "This has been a complete waste of time."

Voldemort sighed. "We were so close this time."

Severus went over to Hermione and unstunned her

"Where's Lucius?" Severus asked. "He didn't really have a part in the plan, so why isn't he here?"

"I don't know," replied Voldemort looking around.

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Meanwhile, up in the Astronomy Tower Harry was sitting there alone waiting for his beloved Hermione to torture him sexually like the letter said. The door opened and a hooded figure strode in.

"I've been waiting for you," Harry said.

"I know," the high-pitched voice giggled.

The figure moved closer to Harry, cornering him and Harry was now aware of how tall the figure was. Much taller than Hermione, in fact. The figure pulled off the hood and Harry barely got a glance of long blonde hair before he was pulled into a sloppy kiss.

"ACK!" screamed Harry struggling to get away. "Get off me! I'd rather die!"

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Later on, Snape had just taken a shower and walked into his private quarters. He'd trusted Voldemort to wipe Granger's memory, knowing full well that it was a mistake. However, he had not seen any sign of her since returning to the castle. He changed into his Batman pajamas that he loved so much and slipped under the covers of his race-car bed next to something very warm. Feeling very confused he decided Filch had gotten lonely again, but under further inspection he found a very un-Obliviated Miss Granger lying next to him.

"Hello, Severus," she said puckering up her lips and closing her eyes.

"Oh, God," Severus said and rolled his eyes. The Dark Lord would pay.

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And so Voldemort and his Death Eaters had been thwarted by the brave Harry Potter once more. Harry had outsmarted them again, but they would get him next time, oh yes!

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This is the end! My first complete fic. Look out for more adventures with the Death Eaters! They're going after Harry again, with a better plan that is sure to work! Hope you liked it!