Chapter 04 - One Disastrous Tea Party

"Do we really have too..." Tsuzuki whined as they walked onwards on the grounds of Meifu.

"Tsuzuki-san, do you know how much refusing the Count's invitation for tea would disadvantage us?"

"But why do I have to come along?" The nasal voice of the veteran shinigami cut the air and Tatsumi's hearing. "You do know what's going to happen again? The rest of you will get a delicious meal and somewhat civilized table company and I'll have to defend my virginity from Hakushaku's advances!!"

"Now that's over-exaggerating, Tsuzuki-san," stated Tatsumi in his usual non-expressive way while trying to stop Watari's tickle-attacks. "First of all you won't be deprived of food - considering your determination to clear the table in fifteen minutes - and most definitely not of wine knowing Hakushaku. Which reminds me: Kurosaki-kun, should Tsuzuki-san even REACH OUT for the wine bottle hammer some sense into him. Forcefully if possible."

"Wakarimashita, Tatsumi-san."

"Hisokaa, how can you be so cruel?!"

Hisoka didn't answer as he stomped towards the Castle of Candles. He was even more annoyed with Tsuzuki than usual because of the man's earlier suggestion. A BABY. What the hell's going on in Tsuzuki's head?! Ano BA-KA...

He glanced at Tatsumi and Watari walking ahead of him, the latter one now chattering about something arms waving in large circles along with the explanation. As happy as he was for his co-workers, Hisoka also feared that they might give Tsuzuki unwanted influences…

Finally, despite Tsuzuki's desperate escape attempts, they arrived at the castle where they were welcomed by Watson-san and the man's peculiar noises. He escorted the guests through a large front hall and a couple of dozen corridors and finally to a luxurious dining hall, where the tall windows faced the west and so bathed the room in the light of the afternoon sun. In the middle of the room stood - or more accurately, floated - the host himself ( or at least what could be seen of him ).

"Ah, welcome to my humble home once again, my dear gentlemen!" Hakushaku-sama greeted them in his suave manner. "Tatsumi-san, Watari-san, young Kurosaki-kun… and TSUZUKI-SAN…" While acknowledging the last of his guests the smile on the floating mask widened noticeably as the invisible eyes locked on the shinigami hiding behind Hisoka's back. Tatsumi thought he heard a small voice from the direction of his friend praying: "Kami-sama… TASUKETE…"

"Shall we seat ourselves?" the count suggested with his gloves towards the table. "Tsuzuki-san will naturally be sitting next to me…" he continued as a drop of drool ran down his invisible cheek. Tsuzuki squeeked.

The guests accompanied by their host began to gather around the table. Tatsumi quickly reserved seats for himself and Watari across Tsuzuki so he could prevent the more inappropriate advances of the lustful count. Hisoka seated himself on Tsuzuki's other side and got immediately latched onto by a security-seeking inu-Tsuzuki who kept whining: "Hisokaa, tasuketee..." Hakushaku only chuckled at Tsuzuki in a pleased manner as Watson brought the appetizers to the table.

The tea party enjoyed the servings while chatting on insignificances. The small-talk was accompanied by Tsuzuki's infrequent whimpering and the count's ecchi giggles. After a while, though, the discussion took a turn to Watari's current condition.

"Ahem, little birds have told me that a new addition to our family will arrive soon", said Hakushaku as he turned to face Watari Tatsumi. The couple glanced at each other and smiled.

"It's perfectly true", said Watari, blushing gracefully.

Hakushaku nodded approvingly at them as he leaned his invisible chin in his hands. "What a delightful item of news!" he said smiling. "You did always seem to be such good friends..." the count continued in a slightly teasing tone.

Tatsumi blushed visibly as Watari radiated next to him. Has it always been so obvious...? pondered the dark-haired secretary embarrassed. Hakushaku laughed briefly at Tatsumi's reaction.

And then turned his attention to Tsuzuki next to him.

There was a five-second silence. Then...

"TSUZUKI-SAN, BEAR MY CHILD!" In the speed of light Hakushaku attacked the panick-stricken, whimpering Tsuzuki before the man could escape. The dog-eared shinigami screamed from terror and dashed from the count's clutches to an open window and jumped outside.

"Tsuzuki-saaaan, you won't get away this time!" the grinning count rushed after him with mad glint in his "eyes". "It's payback tiiiiiiime!"

The rest of the gang was left there to watch akwardly at Tsuzuki and the pursuing count play tag among the sakura trees. The purple-eyed shinigami kept pleading as he hurdled between the tree trunks and dodged the nearing grasp of Hakushaku's gloves. "Tatsumi... Watari... Hisoka... Please, ANYONE, TASUKETEEEEEE!!!" The blood-chilling screm echoed ( for a long time ) in the premises of the Castle of Candles.

"Shouldn't we do something?" Watari asked somewhat concerned as he watched the desperare chase outside. "My pregnancy might give Hakushaku some unwanted determination..."

Tatsumi sighed and massaged his temples as Hakushaku's voice reached their ears from the yard: "Tsuzuki-san, don't forget that you are in my DEBT! Now be a good little shinigami and let me take GOOD care of you...!!"

Hisoka only snorted, sipped his tea cup and glanced outside where Tsuzuki had already climbed up a tree for safety and where Hakushaku was circling underneath the branches, chuckling omniously as his gloves kept grasping thin air

"Ano baka."

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After they had successfully calmed Hakushaku and persuaded Tsuzuki to climb down, the tea party finally returned to the table to continue their socializing. The shinigami that had been chibified by sheer terror had demanded on changing seats as the price of his descent, so now it was Hisoka who sat next to Hakushaku while Tsuzuki only huddled in his chair, still white from the ordeal. Against his own nature he didn't even glance at the pastries as all of his energy went into unrestrained shivering and silent whimpering.

"Poor Tsuzuki", said Watari compassionately and tried to offer cookies to the little one who didn't even seem to notice the gesture at all, though, and just stared at nothing with glazed eyes.

"Maybe we should be more careful with these tea sessions in the future", Watari whispered to Tatsumi who was sipping his tea next to him. The man nodded and replied in a low voice: "I agree. I don't think that this will remain Hakushaku-sama's last attempt. At least by the time that your condition begins to show more clearly there will be little that can stop our esteemed count."

"Except maybe the apocalypse."

They were suddenly distracted from their discussion as they heard Tsuzuki's familiar, whining voice. "Nee, Hisokaaaa, don't hog everything, leave some for me..." An apparently recovered Tsuzuki had clammed down on Hisoka's shoulder and now kept nudging him, softly whining. Tatsumi and Watari turned their attention to Hisoka who was consuming pastries with an exceptionally good appetite and totally ignoring any of Tsuzuki's complaints.

Tatsumi stared at Hisoka, astounded. "Kurosaki-kun, you must be rather famished today", he noted as the next pastry disappeared into Hisoka's mouth, making Tsuzuki whimper again. The boy just shrugged at him and took another pastry ( another squeel from Tsuzuki ).

Even Hakushaku who was sipping his tea in peace now glanced at Hisoka's action slightly puzzled. While the count left the youngster's eating habits without any further comments Watari carefully questioned: "But usually you aren't much of a sweet-tooth, though..?"

"One can endulge himself every once in a while, can't he?" replied Hisoka while yet another pastry slipped into his mouth. Chibi-Tsuzuki was now nearly howling: "Watariiii, Hisoka's gonna eat em' all... There'll be nothing left for me..."

Tatsumi surveyed Hisoka's actions for a while, looking amazed and ponderous at the same time and then leaned in to whisper into Watari's ear:

"If I didn't know better, I might believe that the reason for Kurosaki-kun's excessive appetite is that he wants to FEEL as if he was pregnant to Tsuzuki-san."

Tatsumi's words had the same impact as if suddenly there had been an elephant parade dancing ballet on the table. Hisoka turned red all over and fleed to the nearest bathroom with the speed of a lightning. An utterly bewildered Tsuzuki stared first at Tatsumi and Watari, then he glanced at where Hisoka had disappeared, and then miserably took the very last pastry.

Watari turned to Tatsumi again and said. "It's very likely." Tsuzuki sat in silence and munched on the pastry.

"Indeed", noted Hakushaku, and took another cup of tea.

Sorry for the delay! Jenna's been a lazy slug so the translation kinda took awhile. ;;; Anyhow, this whole chapter, well... Let's just say that we were under the influence of the Coca Cola Company, ne? :D