All Legacy of Kain characters belong to Crystal Dynamics and Eidos. Not me.
This was something I came up with while trying to do my Geometry homework. I've realized that most of my best work comes about when I'm writing about the Brethren. I don't know why. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Raziel: Well guys. We're out of work again. Our last business was less than successful. Especially when the police intervened.
Turel: Stupid anti-pimping laws.
Dumah: What are we gonna do now?
Rahab: We could go back to conning people out of their money.
Zephon: Oh please! They always saw through us! Nobody believed that I was a helpless 17-year old teenager.
Mechiah: *Snicker* But you've sure got the figure for it.
Zephon: Shut up.
Raziel: All right. The first thing to do is find some new means of employment.
Dumah: (Trying to read a Help Wanted ad.) Hey listen to this! "St... strong... brave... ware...no... warriors. Wanted....to... umm....applee...
Turel: Oh for the love of God give it to me!
Begins to read.
Turel: "Strong and brave warriors wanted to apply for Sarafan army. Do you enjoy massacring fledglings and ancients alike? Have you always dreamed of a life full of adventure and hot women? Then apply at the Sarafan Stronghold to learn more."
Rahab: That's very interesting.
Raziel: Come on guys! I think we should do it!
Zephon: But isn't there a high mortality rate for Sarafan.
Dumah: Maybe if we be really, really careful.
Mechiah: Somehow I doubt that'll help us when we're outnumbered 5-to-1 by vicious, bloodthirsty vampires.
Turel: We don't have another choice. We're flat broke since the police busted our last gig.
Raziel: Then it's settled! We're off!
Several hours and one very long walk later, they finally reach the stronghold.
Zephon: Them's some big ass doors.
Rahab: How are we supposed to get in?
Dumah: Maybe if we click our heels three times and say "There's no place like the Stronghold".
All are staring at him. Then Raziel hits him upside his head.
Dumah: Ow! What was that for?
Raziel: You know the rules. Every time you say something stupid I get to hurt you in some way.
Mechiah: Look the doors are opening!
Once inside the Stronghold they are greeted by Moebius who leads them to his office where they sit down.
Moebius: Welcome! Welcome! You must be Raziel and his brethren.
Raziel: Uh-huh. But how do you know my name?
I know more about you then you could ever fathom.
Dumah: Ewwwwww! So you know about his-
Raziel punches Dumah in the face.
Dumah: Ow! Owowowowow!
Rahab: What?
Dumah: Myb nobe! You puffer! You boke myb nobe!
Moebius: Moving on. What was you're previous employment?
Dumah: We were pim-
Zephon tackles him before he can say anymore can begins to beat him down before he can say anymore. Dumah overcomes him and sits back in his chair. Zephon follows.
Turel: What he means to say is that we were in the entertainment business.
Mechiah: Oh yeah. We sure entertained people.
Moebius: All right. Why do you want to join the Sarafan Army?
Rahab: Because we want to kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Brethren are staring at him awkwardly.
Rahab: Come on. Don't tell me you guys aren't up for some random bloodshed?
Moebius: Riiight. What are you're qualifications?
Turel: We've watched lots of vampire movies and rotted our brains with video games for the greater part of our lives.
Moebius: Good enough for me. Welcome aboard!
Zephon: Right on! Hey, the ad promised hot women. When do we get to meet them.
Moebius: Well... there are lots of fire-chucking bald chicks in the Sarafan.
Zephon: All right! Bring on the honeys!
Moebius: The first thing we have to do is let you pick out your armor. Follow me.
They follow him into the armory where every square inch of the room is covered in weaponry.
Raziel: Sweet. Okay, since I'm the leader I get to chose first.
Dumah: Hey! Who said you was the leader?
Raziel: Uh... I've always been the leader.
Dumah: Since when?
Raziel: In our last business, who was the Grand Pimp-daddy?
Dumah: You were.
Raziel: Right. And when we were –
Dumah: Okay! Okay! I get it! Fine. Pick your stupid armor.
Raziel: Hmm. (He scans the suits of armor.) I'll take this red one with the blade on arm.
Moebius: An excellent choice. And your weapon?
Raziel: Just give me a standard sword.
Moebius: Very good. And what about the rest of you?
Turel: I'll take the green one with the huge horns on the helmet. And I'll take the pike as my weapon.
Dumah: I want the pretty purple one with the wings on the side of the helmet. I'll take the pike too.
Rahab: Give me the blue armor with the horns that come to a point at the top. I want a sword as my weapon.
Zephon: Not leaving us with much choice are you? I guess I'll take the black armor with a sword.
Mechiah: Orange with little horns on it. Oh and I'll take a pike.
Moebius: Excellent. Here are the keys to your rooms. Unfortunately you'll each have to share with one of your brethren. Malek will be here first thing in the morning to begin you training.
Raziel: Training?
Moebius: Of course. You don't think we'd let untrained civilians fight hordes of lethal vampires, do you?
Raziel: No I guess not.
Moebius: Glad that's resolved. You have the rest of the day to settle into your new homes.
Moebius leaves. Raziel begins discussing some things with his brethren.
Raziel: Hey, if we're not careful this Malek guy is going to see right through us. We each need to develop a background story and something we excel at that they might find useful in this army.
They spend the rest of the day doing that. Once they have everything figured out they go to their rooms.
Raziel: Okay. We were given three rooms and each room houses two people. Turel and I will take the first room. Dumah and Rahab will take the second room.
Dumah: Weeee!
Rahab: Oh God. I sure hope stupidity isn't contagious.
Raziel: Zephon and Melchiah will sleep in the last room.
Zephon: Nooooo! Why God why?! Mechiah: Come on. It won't be that bad.
Zephon: Have you smelled your feet in the afternoon?
Raziel: Now that that's taken care of I suggest we use the rest of the night to sleep. I have a feeling going to have a big day tomorrow.
The next morning around 6:00...
Malek: Come on ladies! Up and at 'em!
Raziel: (Sleepily.) Hunh. It's 6:00 in the morning.
Malek: I know. I let you sleep in for first day on the job. Don't expect such privileges in the future.
Raziel: *Groan*
Malek: Get your friends up and tell them to meet me at the obstacle course in uniform in 15 minutes.
16 minutes later.
Malek: You're late.
Turel: It's not our fault! This armor is so hard to put on.
Malek: I don't care. You should all be able to suit up in five minutes or less. There may be times when lives hang on how quickly we get to the site of the vampire spotting.
Dumah: I want some breakfast!
Malek walks up to him until his face is one inch away from Dumah's.
Malek: What did you say?
Dumah: Uh... Nothing?
Malek: That's what I thought you said.
Returns to address all of them.
Malek: Before we get started let's get to know each other better. (Points to Raziel.) You. You can introduce everyone to me.
Raziel: Okay. My name's Raziel and I'm the leader of this jolly band of rouges. This is Turel, my second in command. We are brother-warriors. Two edges of the same blade. The big guy here is Dumah. He's really strong but not too bright.
Malek: Yeah, I've already determined that.
Raziel: Rahab excels at water-based missions. An excellent naval commander and one of the best swimmers I've ever seen.
Malek: I see. We may have a place for you on one of our warships.
Raziel: Zephon is our tactician. He has a brilliant analytical mind and can come up with a plan for almost any situation. Mechiah is our guerilla fighter. He's best at hit-and-run tactics.
Malek: Hnh. A well-rounded group of warriors. With the right training you could rise to become elite Sarafan like myself.
Melchiah: I'm sure that's every little boys dream.
Malek: The first thing you need to learn is how to fight vampires. Physical wounds are fleeting. Vampire's immortal flesh begins to close as soon as it is cleaved. Vampire's need only fear those wounds that impale of inflame. Water scorches like acid. And fledglings are devastated by sunlight's touch. That's why our weapons are all of the impalement variety. You won't find any maces of nunchucks here.
Dumah: What about sword-chucks?
Malek: What...?
Rahab: You'll have to forgive him. It's a stupid idea he's had since he was a kid.
Malek: Two vampires you'll need to be especially wary of are Vorador and Janos Audron. Both of them each vicious in their own right.
Zephon: Now what?
Malek: Well. I don't have anything more to tell you and we still have a half hour until breakfast so... I think I'll make you run this obstacle course until then. In full armor.
Melchiah: Crap.
Malek: Well what are you waiting for? MOVE!!
They begin to run. And thus ends the first chapter of our story. If you want me to continue this story please review and tell me so. I think this fic could have some great potential and would like to continue it.
This was something I came up with while trying to do my Geometry homework. I've realized that most of my best work comes about when I'm writing about the Brethren. I don't know why. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Raziel: Well guys. We're out of work again. Our last business was less than successful. Especially when the police intervened.
Turel: Stupid anti-pimping laws.
Dumah: What are we gonna do now?
Rahab: We could go back to conning people out of their money.
Zephon: Oh please! They always saw through us! Nobody believed that I was a helpless 17-year old teenager.
Mechiah: *Snicker* But you've sure got the figure for it.
Zephon: Shut up.
Raziel: All right. The first thing to do is find some new means of employment.
Dumah: (Trying to read a Help Wanted ad.) Hey listen to this! "St... strong... brave... ware...no... warriors. Wanted....to... umm....applee...
Turel: Oh for the love of God give it to me!
Begins to read.
Turel: "Strong and brave warriors wanted to apply for Sarafan army. Do you enjoy massacring fledglings and ancients alike? Have you always dreamed of a life full of adventure and hot women? Then apply at the Sarafan Stronghold to learn more."
Rahab: That's very interesting.
Raziel: Come on guys! I think we should do it!
Zephon: But isn't there a high mortality rate for Sarafan.
Dumah: Maybe if we be really, really careful.
Mechiah: Somehow I doubt that'll help us when we're outnumbered 5-to-1 by vicious, bloodthirsty vampires.
Turel: We don't have another choice. We're flat broke since the police busted our last gig.
Raziel: Then it's settled! We're off!
Several hours and one very long walk later, they finally reach the stronghold.
Zephon: Them's some big ass doors.
Rahab: How are we supposed to get in?
Dumah: Maybe if we click our heels three times and say "There's no place like the Stronghold".
All are staring at him. Then Raziel hits him upside his head.
Dumah: Ow! What was that for?
Raziel: You know the rules. Every time you say something stupid I get to hurt you in some way.
Mechiah: Look the doors are opening!
Once inside the Stronghold they are greeted by Moebius who leads them to his office where they sit down.
Moebius: Welcome! Welcome! You must be Raziel and his brethren.
Raziel: Uh-huh. But how do you know my name?
I know more about you then you could ever fathom.
Dumah: Ewwwwww! So you know about his-
Raziel punches Dumah in the face.
Dumah: Ow! Owowowowow!
Rahab: What?
Dumah: Myb nobe! You puffer! You boke myb nobe!
Moebius: Moving on. What was you're previous employment?
Dumah: We were pim-
Zephon tackles him before he can say anymore can begins to beat him down before he can say anymore. Dumah overcomes him and sits back in his chair. Zephon follows.
Turel: What he means to say is that we were in the entertainment business.
Mechiah: Oh yeah. We sure entertained people.
Moebius: All right. Why do you want to join the Sarafan Army?
Rahab: Because we want to kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Brethren are staring at him awkwardly.
Rahab: Come on. Don't tell me you guys aren't up for some random bloodshed?
Moebius: Riiight. What are you're qualifications?
Turel: We've watched lots of vampire movies and rotted our brains with video games for the greater part of our lives.
Moebius: Good enough for me. Welcome aboard!
Zephon: Right on! Hey, the ad promised hot women. When do we get to meet them.
Moebius: Well... there are lots of fire-chucking bald chicks in the Sarafan.
Zephon: All right! Bring on the honeys!
Moebius: The first thing we have to do is let you pick out your armor. Follow me.
They follow him into the armory where every square inch of the room is covered in weaponry.
Raziel: Sweet. Okay, since I'm the leader I get to chose first.
Dumah: Hey! Who said you was the leader?
Raziel: Uh... I've always been the leader.
Dumah: Since when?
Raziel: In our last business, who was the Grand Pimp-daddy?
Dumah: You were.
Raziel: Right. And when we were –
Dumah: Okay! Okay! I get it! Fine. Pick your stupid armor.
Raziel: Hmm. (He scans the suits of armor.) I'll take this red one with the blade on arm.
Moebius: An excellent choice. And your weapon?
Raziel: Just give me a standard sword.
Moebius: Very good. And what about the rest of you?
Turel: I'll take the green one with the huge horns on the helmet. And I'll take the pike as my weapon.
Dumah: I want the pretty purple one with the wings on the side of the helmet. I'll take the pike too.
Rahab: Give me the blue armor with the horns that come to a point at the top. I want a sword as my weapon.
Zephon: Not leaving us with much choice are you? I guess I'll take the black armor with a sword.
Mechiah: Orange with little horns on it. Oh and I'll take a pike.
Moebius: Excellent. Here are the keys to your rooms. Unfortunately you'll each have to share with one of your brethren. Malek will be here first thing in the morning to begin you training.
Raziel: Training?
Moebius: Of course. You don't think we'd let untrained civilians fight hordes of lethal vampires, do you?
Raziel: No I guess not.
Moebius: Glad that's resolved. You have the rest of the day to settle into your new homes.
Moebius leaves. Raziel begins discussing some things with his brethren.
Raziel: Hey, if we're not careful this Malek guy is going to see right through us. We each need to develop a background story and something we excel at that they might find useful in this army.
They spend the rest of the day doing that. Once they have everything figured out they go to their rooms.
Raziel: Okay. We were given three rooms and each room houses two people. Turel and I will take the first room. Dumah and Rahab will take the second room.
Dumah: Weeee!
Rahab: Oh God. I sure hope stupidity isn't contagious.
Raziel: Zephon and Melchiah will sleep in the last room.
Zephon: Nooooo! Why God why?! Mechiah: Come on. It won't be that bad.
Zephon: Have you smelled your feet in the afternoon?
Raziel: Now that that's taken care of I suggest we use the rest of the night to sleep. I have a feeling going to have a big day tomorrow.
The next morning around 6:00...
Malek: Come on ladies! Up and at 'em!
Raziel: (Sleepily.) Hunh. It's 6:00 in the morning.
Malek: I know. I let you sleep in for first day on the job. Don't expect such privileges in the future.
Raziel: *Groan*
Malek: Get your friends up and tell them to meet me at the obstacle course in uniform in 15 minutes.
16 minutes later.
Malek: You're late.
Turel: It's not our fault! This armor is so hard to put on.
Malek: I don't care. You should all be able to suit up in five minutes or less. There may be times when lives hang on how quickly we get to the site of the vampire spotting.
Dumah: I want some breakfast!
Malek walks up to him until his face is one inch away from Dumah's.
Malek: What did you say?
Dumah: Uh... Nothing?
Malek: That's what I thought you said.
Returns to address all of them.
Malek: Before we get started let's get to know each other better. (Points to Raziel.) You. You can introduce everyone to me.
Raziel: Okay. My name's Raziel and I'm the leader of this jolly band of rouges. This is Turel, my second in command. We are brother-warriors. Two edges of the same blade. The big guy here is Dumah. He's really strong but not too bright.
Malek: Yeah, I've already determined that.
Raziel: Rahab excels at water-based missions. An excellent naval commander and one of the best swimmers I've ever seen.
Malek: I see. We may have a place for you on one of our warships.
Raziel: Zephon is our tactician. He has a brilliant analytical mind and can come up with a plan for almost any situation. Mechiah is our guerilla fighter. He's best at hit-and-run tactics.
Malek: Hnh. A well-rounded group of warriors. With the right training you could rise to become elite Sarafan like myself.
Melchiah: I'm sure that's every little boys dream.
Malek: The first thing you need to learn is how to fight vampires. Physical wounds are fleeting. Vampire's immortal flesh begins to close as soon as it is cleaved. Vampire's need only fear those wounds that impale of inflame. Water scorches like acid. And fledglings are devastated by sunlight's touch. That's why our weapons are all of the impalement variety. You won't find any maces of nunchucks here.
Dumah: What about sword-chucks?
Malek: What...?
Rahab: You'll have to forgive him. It's a stupid idea he's had since he was a kid.
Malek: Two vampires you'll need to be especially wary of are Vorador and Janos Audron. Both of them each vicious in their own right.
Zephon: Now what?
Malek: Well. I don't have anything more to tell you and we still have a half hour until breakfast so... I think I'll make you run this obstacle course until then. In full armor.
Melchiah: Crap.
Malek: Well what are you waiting for? MOVE!!
They begin to run. And thus ends the first chapter of our story. If you want me to continue this story please review and tell me so. I think this fic could have some great potential and would like to continue it.