Author Note, well more like Author Novel .LOL.: Ok... before anyone
starts, this was a challenge. I am a Shipper, but I must have been having a
bad day when I bumped into one of the Rabid Shippers, and I am not sure how
we ended up yelling at each other... I had been saying how cool I had found
Melissa Scully after she appeared in One Breath, and how I think Mulder
liked her. I did not mean anything to do with romance, but that's how the
Rabid understood it...
And when she declared war, I defended myself and said something on the lines of ''You know what? If Mulder had not been crazy for Scully I think Mulder could have ended up with Melissa.'' And that's when she answered ''Prove it!'' and I ended up with some strange fanfic challenge...
I realized my mistake when another fan told me ''Do you know what you have just done?'' with a wide-eyed smilie. I almost faint. Ooooooops! I was stuck with a challenge I could not get away from doing- that was out of pride. And as my fav book says: ''My honor is my life.'' I had to had Melissa and Mulder together in some way...
And that's when the humor comes in. (Thanks for the idea to Tal... if it hadn't been for her, this AU would be rather tragic.) Everyone who came for serious fic.... Sorry, wrong way! * wink * (MSR for sure!) Oh yeah.... And I know Melissa died, but she is in here because I like her. LOL!
* * * * *
Scully stared at Mulder for a second. She had been telling him about what she had found in the toxicological analysis of the body they had found in Quantico, and suddenly, out of the blue, he had asked about that agent that had greeted them that Scully had found so nice.
''What... what was that for?'' She asked him, with an odd look. It was none of his business. Why would he care abut what she did or didn't in her time off? She was sure he did not ask anyone else. He did not ask Skinner, so why should she even consider answering the question?
Yeah, Agent Nigel Harris had been really nice to them. He was tall and lean, handsome. With deep green eyes and a warm stare, soft dark blond hair that fell over his eyes a bit, but could not hide his sincere look. He even believed that Mulder's theories were plausible! It was so difficult to find someone who actually thought about the paranormal with an open mind, but Nigel had even liked it! Scully felt off place. Things had seemed to go well at Quantico. What was his problem now?
''I was thinking... He did say something about you going out with him sometime. Are you doing that?''
''That would not matter to you.'' She simply replied, and continued reciting the chemical elements that had been found that were unusual and their functions. Mulder did not listen. He kept staring at the pencils that were pinned to the ceiling, as if they were a lot more interesting. In fact, they were. Even Scully thought so. But the point was that she was * working * there and he was not even bothering to listen to her.
''.....''Mulder eyed her when she stopped the biochemical rant. When she finally saw his eyes, he looked hurt. Yes, it was that look that screamed 'Ouch!' that he had every time she snapped back at him. But this time she had not even been trying to offend him. She just changed topic. Great. Just great. He was getting his nose in her affairs and furthermore feeling left aside. ''Of course it's my business.''
''I disagree.'' Scully said, then pointed at the results she held in her hand. ''Mulder, are you listening?''
''You did not answer my question.''
''Oh, please!'' Scully answered, exasperated, tossing the papers onto the table with an angry gesture. ''I am trying to work here and you are.... Staring at the pencils! You are not listening and you are worrying about some agent that asked me out when there could be anything paranormal out there! You know what, Mulder? That's strange even for you!'' She headed to the door and picked up her bag and coat. It was almost time to go, and feeling stuck in that small room with Mulder was starting to give her claustrophobia.
Just as she opened the door, she noticed that he jumped right behind her and followed her as she made her way towards the main gate. She started walking down a long lane of desks where people answered phones and gathered files when he caught up with her.
''I was just asking!'' He tried to justify himself. ''This Agent Harris was nice, you are right. That's exactly why!'' People started turning their heads towards them and leaving their paperwork untouched just to look at them. Soon the room was totally silent in matter of a quarter of a second. ''So you are going out or what?''
''I repeat that is none of your business.' 'Scully said, trying to keep her voice low so that people would not be able to understand them. ''I am stuck at the basement with you for days and I am not supposed to have a night out with someone?''
''So you * are * going out with that nerd!'' He said, with an incredulous look on his face. He looked offended. Offended, scorned. Jealous. But Scully had a limit. And having her in the middle of a mess with a big audience was too much even for her.
''Nigel is not a nerd, and I did not say that!'' She yelled back, forgetting about the audience, that was having quite a show. Stupid Agent White had been sending a message to all the FBI computers speaking about them and saying that Mulder ended up ditching her ,a blonde bombshell, for his usual short redhead. And of course she implied something else than just professional terms. Since then, Mulder and Scully had been in observation. Every time people could hear them, they would shut up and listen, to see if they could get out something juicy out of the conversation.
Even the Lone Gunmen had received that e-mail somehow- everyone wondered why- and they were sometimes trying to catch their cell phone conversations. Frohike was at the border of depression when he got the e- mail... but he called Agent White and of course that nymphomaniac would never hang up without a tease. Not even to Frohike. But that was another topic...
''So now it's Nigel!'' Mulder said with a triumphant tune. He admitted to himself, with big surprise, that he was indeed jealous. And that was odd... He rarely found any occasion to be jealous at all. ''And you are implying that you would go out with him!''
Scully noticed the others around her. They observed them as if they were watching a soap on tv. All of them interested and probably wondering what would happen next episode. Would Mulder's secret son recover the X-Files? Would Scully's evil twin sister show up and end up sleeping with Mulder? Would Krycek marry Marita and together they would scape to Canada hiding from the Evil Cancerman with Deep Throat's help? And would Mulder come with them hiding from Agent White? Would Deep Throat come back from the dead and prove that he was Mulder's father by sharing his paranoia? Would Byers be Mulder's long lost brother?
All of those questions were coming to Scully's mind and she felt a bit green. This was far too much. As they stood in silence, one of the bureau's workers dropped some yogurt on the table. It fell with a 'splat!' and was definitely the noisiest thing in the room that second. Then Scully decided that had gone too far.
''Listen now, Spooky.' 'She practically spat the last word, angry as she was, and this time Mulder did look really hurt. Target hit! Beep! Scully could almost hear his heart sink. Blop, blop. ''I am fed up with this tracking. What I do is my thing only, and you have no right to forbid anything , even less criticize. And now you are freaking out by a date I have not even taken. You know what? I * am * going out with Nigel. Assume it!''
''Am I getting lectured by the Ice Queen or what?'' He snapped back.
''That is Miss Ice Queen for you.'' Scully cut him. ''And no. Ice would melt after a while.'' She turned to the door and walked to bit, determined. The audience started clapping as she passed, and cheering. That made Scully keep telling herself that he deserved it. That he had been asking for it all along.
But when she exited the building and turned the corner... Things changed. He had asked, and she practically kicked him away. There was no need to yell at him so, even if he was being nosy. She felt her start to get watery and her cheeks burn, but she refrained from running back into the building and disappear in one of those bear hugs that only left about 10 per cent of her visible. She sniffed. She could use one of those right now...
* * * * *
Mulder stood with his mouth open for several seconds, watching her go as a roar of laughter joined the clapping and the cheering. It's not as if he had not expected anyone to laugh at him. People at the FBI never really liked them anyway, except maybe for Skinner and Scully. And that's what became the strangest of all. Scully had been the one who had suddenly snapped back. And it stung him right in the ass. Ouch. He made the lost puppy dog face and shook his head. This was too bad.
He had been nosy. Very nosy. And when he finally had gotten the answer he had been looking for he had reacted like a jealous boyfriend. He headed back into his lair, also called his office, and he closed the door behind him. He slammed his head against the table and sat there sulking for a while with his head laying down on the table. 'Ouch, that hurt.' He was not sure if he meant the slamming or what Scully had said. Maybe both.
And then his mind started to work. He had to find someone who would help him. Someone who would not like Nigel better than him, at least. Let's see... what did Mulder have that Nigel didn't? He thought hard for a while. Nigel lived in a nice flat in the center, not in a cockroach hole. And he did not have freaky friends. And he did not have a nickname like Spooky. And his co- workers liked him. Even Mulder found him nice, dammit! And Nigel... well, he hadn't lost his sister at an abduction and now looked for aliens everywhere, and that would make Scully's family find him normal. And he did not have That Video Collection- well, now he didn't either, since he had handed it to Frohike. Except for two or three where there was this shorty redhead....
He whimpered. And banged his head against the table. Again. And whimpered some more. He could not do this... How would he get Scully's attention when all about Nigel was absolutely wonderful? His acceptance to paranormal theories was probably due to a new-age, witch sister, and nothing else. And then, with wide eyes, Mulder lifted his head off the table.
He had it. He knew who would help him. And even better... He knew that she was on his side! Grabbing his cell phone and rushing to his phone book, he started calling Melissa Scully...
And when she declared war, I defended myself and said something on the lines of ''You know what? If Mulder had not been crazy for Scully I think Mulder could have ended up with Melissa.'' And that's when she answered ''Prove it!'' and I ended up with some strange fanfic challenge...
I realized my mistake when another fan told me ''Do you know what you have just done?'' with a wide-eyed smilie. I almost faint. Ooooooops! I was stuck with a challenge I could not get away from doing- that was out of pride. And as my fav book says: ''My honor is my life.'' I had to had Melissa and Mulder together in some way...
And that's when the humor comes in. (Thanks for the idea to Tal... if it hadn't been for her, this AU would be rather tragic.) Everyone who came for serious fic.... Sorry, wrong way! * wink * (MSR for sure!) Oh yeah.... And I know Melissa died, but she is in here because I like her. LOL!
* * * * *
Scully stared at Mulder for a second. She had been telling him about what she had found in the toxicological analysis of the body they had found in Quantico, and suddenly, out of the blue, he had asked about that agent that had greeted them that Scully had found so nice.
''What... what was that for?'' She asked him, with an odd look. It was none of his business. Why would he care abut what she did or didn't in her time off? She was sure he did not ask anyone else. He did not ask Skinner, so why should she even consider answering the question?
Yeah, Agent Nigel Harris had been really nice to them. He was tall and lean, handsome. With deep green eyes and a warm stare, soft dark blond hair that fell over his eyes a bit, but could not hide his sincere look. He even believed that Mulder's theories were plausible! It was so difficult to find someone who actually thought about the paranormal with an open mind, but Nigel had even liked it! Scully felt off place. Things had seemed to go well at Quantico. What was his problem now?
''I was thinking... He did say something about you going out with him sometime. Are you doing that?''
''That would not matter to you.'' She simply replied, and continued reciting the chemical elements that had been found that were unusual and their functions. Mulder did not listen. He kept staring at the pencils that were pinned to the ceiling, as if they were a lot more interesting. In fact, they were. Even Scully thought so. But the point was that she was * working * there and he was not even bothering to listen to her.
''.....''Mulder eyed her when she stopped the biochemical rant. When she finally saw his eyes, he looked hurt. Yes, it was that look that screamed 'Ouch!' that he had every time she snapped back at him. But this time she had not even been trying to offend him. She just changed topic. Great. Just great. He was getting his nose in her affairs and furthermore feeling left aside. ''Of course it's my business.''
''I disagree.'' Scully said, then pointed at the results she held in her hand. ''Mulder, are you listening?''
''You did not answer my question.''
''Oh, please!'' Scully answered, exasperated, tossing the papers onto the table with an angry gesture. ''I am trying to work here and you are.... Staring at the pencils! You are not listening and you are worrying about some agent that asked me out when there could be anything paranormal out there! You know what, Mulder? That's strange even for you!'' She headed to the door and picked up her bag and coat. It was almost time to go, and feeling stuck in that small room with Mulder was starting to give her claustrophobia.
Just as she opened the door, she noticed that he jumped right behind her and followed her as she made her way towards the main gate. She started walking down a long lane of desks where people answered phones and gathered files when he caught up with her.
''I was just asking!'' He tried to justify himself. ''This Agent Harris was nice, you are right. That's exactly why!'' People started turning their heads towards them and leaving their paperwork untouched just to look at them. Soon the room was totally silent in matter of a quarter of a second. ''So you are going out or what?''
''I repeat that is none of your business.' 'Scully said, trying to keep her voice low so that people would not be able to understand them. ''I am stuck at the basement with you for days and I am not supposed to have a night out with someone?''
''So you * are * going out with that nerd!'' He said, with an incredulous look on his face. He looked offended. Offended, scorned. Jealous. But Scully had a limit. And having her in the middle of a mess with a big audience was too much even for her.
''Nigel is not a nerd, and I did not say that!'' She yelled back, forgetting about the audience, that was having quite a show. Stupid Agent White had been sending a message to all the FBI computers speaking about them and saying that Mulder ended up ditching her ,a blonde bombshell, for his usual short redhead. And of course she implied something else than just professional terms. Since then, Mulder and Scully had been in observation. Every time people could hear them, they would shut up and listen, to see if they could get out something juicy out of the conversation.
Even the Lone Gunmen had received that e-mail somehow- everyone wondered why- and they were sometimes trying to catch their cell phone conversations. Frohike was at the border of depression when he got the e- mail... but he called Agent White and of course that nymphomaniac would never hang up without a tease. Not even to Frohike. But that was another topic...
''So now it's Nigel!'' Mulder said with a triumphant tune. He admitted to himself, with big surprise, that he was indeed jealous. And that was odd... He rarely found any occasion to be jealous at all. ''And you are implying that you would go out with him!''
Scully noticed the others around her. They observed them as if they were watching a soap on tv. All of them interested and probably wondering what would happen next episode. Would Mulder's secret son recover the X-Files? Would Scully's evil twin sister show up and end up sleeping with Mulder? Would Krycek marry Marita and together they would scape to Canada hiding from the Evil Cancerman with Deep Throat's help? And would Mulder come with them hiding from Agent White? Would Deep Throat come back from the dead and prove that he was Mulder's father by sharing his paranoia? Would Byers be Mulder's long lost brother?
All of those questions were coming to Scully's mind and she felt a bit green. This was far too much. As they stood in silence, one of the bureau's workers dropped some yogurt on the table. It fell with a 'splat!' and was definitely the noisiest thing in the room that second. Then Scully decided that had gone too far.
''Listen now, Spooky.' 'She practically spat the last word, angry as she was, and this time Mulder did look really hurt. Target hit! Beep! Scully could almost hear his heart sink. Blop, blop. ''I am fed up with this tracking. What I do is my thing only, and you have no right to forbid anything , even less criticize. And now you are freaking out by a date I have not even taken. You know what? I * am * going out with Nigel. Assume it!''
''Am I getting lectured by the Ice Queen or what?'' He snapped back.
''That is Miss Ice Queen for you.'' Scully cut him. ''And no. Ice would melt after a while.'' She turned to the door and walked to bit, determined. The audience started clapping as she passed, and cheering. That made Scully keep telling herself that he deserved it. That he had been asking for it all along.
But when she exited the building and turned the corner... Things changed. He had asked, and she practically kicked him away. There was no need to yell at him so, even if he was being nosy. She felt her start to get watery and her cheeks burn, but she refrained from running back into the building and disappear in one of those bear hugs that only left about 10 per cent of her visible. She sniffed. She could use one of those right now...
* * * * *
Mulder stood with his mouth open for several seconds, watching her go as a roar of laughter joined the clapping and the cheering. It's not as if he had not expected anyone to laugh at him. People at the FBI never really liked them anyway, except maybe for Skinner and Scully. And that's what became the strangest of all. Scully had been the one who had suddenly snapped back. And it stung him right in the ass. Ouch. He made the lost puppy dog face and shook his head. This was too bad.
He had been nosy. Very nosy. And when he finally had gotten the answer he had been looking for he had reacted like a jealous boyfriend. He headed back into his lair, also called his office, and he closed the door behind him. He slammed his head against the table and sat there sulking for a while with his head laying down on the table. 'Ouch, that hurt.' He was not sure if he meant the slamming or what Scully had said. Maybe both.
And then his mind started to work. He had to find someone who would help him. Someone who would not like Nigel better than him, at least. Let's see... what did Mulder have that Nigel didn't? He thought hard for a while. Nigel lived in a nice flat in the center, not in a cockroach hole. And he did not have freaky friends. And he did not have a nickname like Spooky. And his co- workers liked him. Even Mulder found him nice, dammit! And Nigel... well, he hadn't lost his sister at an abduction and now looked for aliens everywhere, and that would make Scully's family find him normal. And he did not have That Video Collection- well, now he didn't either, since he had handed it to Frohike. Except for two or three where there was this shorty redhead....
He whimpered. And banged his head against the table. Again. And whimpered some more. He could not do this... How would he get Scully's attention when all about Nigel was absolutely wonderful? His acceptance to paranormal theories was probably due to a new-age, witch sister, and nothing else. And then, with wide eyes, Mulder lifted his head off the table.
He had it. He knew who would help him. And even better... He knew that she was on his side! Grabbing his cell phone and rushing to his phone book, he started calling Melissa Scully...