Disclaimer: I don't own PTO...or Big Lots...and neither does Lu. (Sighs at the thought of owning her own Phantom)
My best friend and I wrote this story purely for entertainment, if you can't handle mindless humor, then leave....(everyone leaves)....shrug ohhh well....
Let us Begin!!!!....................................................................................
(Annette and Christine enter Big Lots, and look around at the discount paradise)
Christine: soooo.... What do we need again?
Annette: well let's see... um... bean dip...poison.... And a couple of cans of sprite.
Christine: all right.
(They head to the medicine aisle)
Christine: (is shocked) look at the price for rat poison, that's ridiculous!
Annette: holy s%!!!!!!!! 62 dollars? (Eye twitches)
Christine: let's go get the bean dip....
Annette: (nods) dude...
Christine: yeah
(They head away to aisle 7)
Annette: did you hear something?
(Annette looks around wildly, they see rat poison lying in the middle of the aisle)
Christine: (picks it up) that's weird...let's take it back to the shelf
Annette: (looks over Christine's shoulder)
(They head back only to find that the price is 99 cents!!! GASP!!!)
Christine: this is majorly creepy....
Annette: Your tellin me.... (Annette takes box and goes to place rat poison back on shelf)
Annette: let's get outta here
Christine: but we neeeeed that bean dip for our party tonight!
Annette: Crap. You're right. come on, lets get that that damn bean dip and get the hell out of here!
Christine: Kay...(runs flailing arms wildly)
(figure swoops down, nearly knocking Annette's head off)
Annette: damn!!!! They've got bats in this place!
Christine: (knees begin to shake) GRAB THE BEAN DIP!!! QUICKLY!!!!
Annette: (grabs bean the dip but it is knocked out of her hand) HOLY CRAP!!!
Christine: RUN!!!!!
(They run for the doors but are stopped by a fat man in a Big Lots uniform...his name... Piangi...)
Piangi: JUST WHERE DO YOU TWO THINK YOU"RE GOING!?!!!
Christine: we're getting out of here!!!!
Piangi: our prices aren't that unreasonable!!
Annette: YOU HAVE GIANT BATS OR SOMETHING!!!!! You need to get the pest control out here!!!!
(An elderly woman wearing an assistant manager pin (Mrs. Giry) walks over to the trio)
Giry: what's going on?
Piangi: they say we got bats...
Giry: ohhh dear...(looks about, but her mind seems distant)
(The two girls stare, frightened out of their minds)
Giry: you two girls come with me....
(Piangi practically forces the two heroines into Giry's office)
Giry: (indicating two chairs directly across from her desk) Sit.
(Annette and Christine take their seats)
Annette: is there something we should know?!!
Giry: it seems that there is.
Annette: well would you mind telling us so we can get out of this place?
Giry: well, you see, for a few years now, one of our former employees has been living in the basement...
Christine: :O
Annette: in the basement?
Giry: well, yes...he's almost become a mascot...he has a habit of slashing our prices.
Annette: O.O... NO!!!!!! ANTHING BUT THAT!!! ... Wait... what's so bad about slashing prices?
Giry: we don't profit from it...he's never bothered any of our customers before though...you weren't vandalizing anything were you?
Christine: NO!!
Giry: hmmm, well, tell me what you need and I'll have Piangi fetch it for you.
Christine: bean dip...and a few cans of Sprite
(Giry waves Piangi off to get the sprite and dip)
Annette: thank you... uh ... can I ask you a question Ma'am?
Giry: go ahead dear.
Annette: why in the world does one of your former employees live in the basement?!!
Giry: well...you see...
(Wavy flash back of a young boy stocking shelves in the feminine products aisle)
Giry: there was an accident with those menstrual heating pads....
(Boy is placing box of heating pads on the shelf when the box flies open and one falls on his face...boy screams in pain)
Giry: his face was permanently scared, he held us responsible so to avoid a lawsuit we allow him to hide in the basement...
Annette: that's horrible... but we still don't know what he wants from us.
Giry: I'm not sure...but you should steer clear of her until I get back to you, could I have your phone number? I'll contact you if there is any change is the situation.
Christine: (looks through her hand bag for a pen) my wallet...it's gone!!
(Annette stares, shocked)
Annette: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!!
Christine: I don't know!!!! Mrs. Giry you have to find my wallet before that..That...psychopath does!
(Distant singing is audible through the walls of Giry's office)
(Annette passes out)
Voice: Come to me angel of discount...I am your angel of discount!
Christine: Oo
Annette: .
(Piangi returns with the bean dip and sprite)
Piangi: Here you are girls. (Hands them the bean dip and sprite)
Christine: Did you see a wallet anywhere?
Piangi: no...not that I recall...
Giry: don't worry, it will turn up.
(Annette and Christine look at one another in horror.)
Giry: you ladies can go ahead and leave, We'll contact you if there are any developments...The bean dip and Sprite are free, and when we locate your wallet we will send it to your home. Please girls, don't worry everything will be fine.
Both Girls: (not convinced) all right... (They stand and leave the room, both shaking in their shoes)
Annette: You wanna stay with me for a few days? 'til this whole thing blows over?
Christine: sure.
(They get into Annette's car and drive away)
(Meanwhile, in the basement of Big Lots, Erik (the phantom) is searching through Christine's wallet, He finds a note and reads it to himself.)
Dear Christine,
Sorry you didn't get a lead in the musical...(again), but you know how Mrs. White is, she favors her Ballerinas over everyone else...maybe next year right? (Ha ha)... I still luv you!
Annette
Erik: (evil grin) ah, what do we have here?
(Pulls out her student I.D and examines it closely.)
Erik: Well Miss Daaé is it? I think it's high time some good fortune comes your way...
R&R please, this is meant to be silly and pointless so please don't flame, Kay? Well, if we get some positive reviews we might continue, until then...Well...(Starts singing random Phantom songs (badly) stops only for a moment to add) I'll stop singing when you start reviewing! ("THINK Of Me, Think of me fondly when we've said GOOOddd bYYE!!! A passing Carnie covers his ears and screams )