Disclaimers: See the first chapter.

Snippets From the Potterverse

Chapter 92 - Two Of a Kind

Sirius and Remus had escaped from Grimmauld Place to go on a date. It wasn't much fun being around the children at the moment. Ron, still traumatized by Harry's reenactment of The Jerry Springer Show, spent his days curled in a ball in the corner, muttering to himself. Hermione and Ginny, embarrassed beyond imagination by being forced to wear hideous whore clothes, hid in their bedroom most of the day. And Harry, upset at losing the television, wandered around randomly kicking things and muttering vicious threats under his breath.

The two men headed for Diagon Alley, planning on getting drinks at the Leaky Cauldron. Remus was never a really big drinker, but right now, he felt a strong glass of firewhiskey was just what he needed.

As soon as they stepped through the door of the pub, Sirius volunteered to order the drinks. Remus was a bit wary, because Sirius was prone to overdoing it when not supervised; but he agreed good-naturedly and went to sit down.

"Hullo Tom," Sirius said cheerfully to the bartender, who grinned at him.

"What'll it be, Mr. Black?"

"A good, stiff firewhiskey for Remus, and a bottle of rum for myself." Sirius winked at Tom.

"You bet." Tom accepted the five Galleons Sirius slid across the counter, and began pouring Remus' whiskey. Sirius leaned against the bar and cast an eye around the pub. There was the usual assortment of little old witches sipping at whiskey shots and discussing the latest gossip; a wizard in a black cloak was tucking into a large helping of steak-and-kidney pie and a lager; and beside Sirius, seated at the bar, was a man with long, brown hair. Sirius studied him out of the corner of his eye. He had on some unusual clothes - a billowy white shirt, grey trousers, a ragged old vest, and tall brown boots. His hair was ornamented with strings of beads and a red bandanna. A pistol hung from a thick belt over his shoulder, a compass hung from his waist, and the lot was covered by a dark brown coat. A tricorner hat rested on the bar beside him. He looked rather like a pirate.

As though sensing Sirius' gaze, the man looked up. Sirius offered a friendly smile, which the man returned. He had several gold teeth, Sirius noted, and his beard was braided and beaded. When he spoke, it was with a slightly roughened voice. "Oi. Whiskey drinker, are you?"

"Nah. It's for my boyfriend. I'm more of a rum man, myself," Sirius grinned.

The pirate laughed. "That's what I like to hear!" He held out a hand. "Captain Jack Sparrow. Pleased to meet ye."

"Sirius Black." They shook hands. "Captain, is it?"

"You bet. Been around the world, seen it all. Once I was marooned on a desert island. As one lass put it, it was three days of 'lying on the beach, drinking rum'."

Sirius cackled. "Sounds like my kind of vacation!"

Jack held up his glass of rum. "A fine man!" They clinked glasses.

"Cheers!" Sirius downed his rum in two gulps.

"Fancy a drinking game?" Jack winked at him.

"You bet!" Sirius grabbed his bottle of rum. Jack did the same. "1-2-3-GO!"

THREE HOURS LATER

Remus, all this time, had been innocently reading a book as he waited for Sirius to bring the drinks. He had glanced up at one point to see Sirius chatting with a pirate-y looking fellow at the bar, but his jealousy nerve hadn't twinged in the slightest, so he had gone back to reading. But by now his arse hurt from sitting in the wooden chair, and he realised he had been sitting there without a drink for a very long time.

He put his book down and approached the bar. "Siri?"

Sirius grinned at him. His eyes were red-rimmed and bleary; the man opposite him had the same look. The bar was littered with empty rum bottles and one solitary glass of whiskey. "Remmie! 'Bout time ya showed up. This bloke... 'e... 'e's a captain... 'e's got gold teeth..."

"This is your lad, eh?" the pirate leered. "Blimey, I can see what you like about him. That arse is divine."

"You know it," Sirius slurred, squeezing Remus' rear end. Remus yelped and blushed, heartily embarrassed.

"Sirius, I think you and your friend have had enough for tonight," he began.

"Not nearly enough!" Sirius planted a disgusting, sloppy, stubbly, rum-smelling kiss on his lover's cheek.

Jack continued to leer. "How's about a three-way, mate?" he asked Sirius.

"NO thank you," Remus said irritably, though Sirius was nodding in agreement. "Come along, Siri, Molly's going to have supper waiting -"

"Aww, Remmie!" Sirius pouted. There was a loud thump and a snore. Jack had fallen asleep, his head resting on the tiny amount of wood that showed amidst all the empty bottles.

Remus pulled a handful of Galleons from Sirius' pocket and handed them to Tom before hauling his lover off the stool. "You've emptied Tom's rum supply. I can't believe you drank that much!"

"But I believe in me!" Sirius sang as they staggered from the pub.

"Well, don't!" Remus said, exasperated.

(A/N: Thanks to Nuppu, who wondered what would happen if Jack and Sirius met and, in doing so, inspired this chapter!)