Attention

Rated: R

Pairing: Yami no Bakura Bakura x Ryou Bakura, Yami no Malik (Marik) x Yami no Bakura

Genre: Romance, Angst / Drama

Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon(s), tear jerker, violence, language, self mutilation.

Summary: Little Ryou Bakura love his yami with all of his heart, but when occasional actions play an exceptionally bigger role than words, will Ryou gets the attention he really needs?

Disclaimer: I don't not own Yu-gi-oh, the band Trapt, the song "Enigma", or anything else in this fic. Serious! The plot's not even mine! It's based on a true story!

Author's Note: Anyways, I have my own little introduction before the chapter, and I wish you wouldn't skip it, cuz I thought about it for a long time, and I feel it's important. It sets the whole atmosphere for the story. However, if you want to skip it, I can't stop you...

There are several types of attention. There's positive, negative, desperate, obsessive, etc. However, not many people seem to understand that. Many people assume that attention is attention, and if doing a certain thing gets people talking about them, then they'll do it. No matter what it takes. It takes more than gentle touches and a soothing word or two for eyes to see.

This, is a lesson that Ryou Bakura learns the hard way. Based on a true story, this is not just Ryou's story, but it's also a story that's happened to someone I know, and many others all over the world...

Chapter One: Lonely Little Soul

(Ryou's Point of Veiw)

Everyday it's become a routine in this house. We wake up in the same bed, sit up, shake away anything that's causing our bodies to slow, get up, and hobble into the shower. Or, in his case, stagger towards the kitchen.

Normally, I'm a guy of schedule, but the amount of overlapping in this house is insane. We even do the same thing at breakfast. He eats any leftovers from last night's dinner. I sip some tea and nibble on an English muffin with peanut butter. After he chugs a mug of coffee, he steps out onto the front porch for a cigerette, and I go back to my room to get dressed.

I don't see him for the rest of the day. Yes, we are quite a couple, aren't we?

Where does he go? Like hell I should know. Most likely the Ishtar's. What amazes me, is how anyone can spend all day everyday with an Ishtar. Even Isis can crawl under your skin if she's in the mood.

Now, don't get the idea that I'm completely together. I dedicate my life to that jerk off. He's out all day doing who the hell knows what, and here I am, making sure he had clean clothes. I used to mutilate myself over him! When we first started being together, he would shove me to the side, literally. I don't care. I will do whatever he says, because if I don't, he'll leave me, and I can't stand being alone anymore. It's just too much.

Anyways, this morning was just like any other. God I wish for a change. I watch him out of the corner of my tawny eyes. He's began digging into the fridge, a plate of leftover stir-fry in his hand. Oh darn. I was planning on eating that at lunch. All well. I should have known better. He loves when I cook for him.

I get up from the table a little early. I didn't feel like eating this morning. Finally, a little change.

I suppose Yami isn't very into change, because he gave me a death glare from his spot on the counter. God those eyes. I stopped myself from heading up the stairs, and gave him my usual look of innocence.

"Yes?" I asked in the most gentle of tones. I glued my eyes to the tiled floor.

He grunted, "Where are you going? I haven't even gone out for my smoke yet." his eyes were bleeding with fire. He must have been really angry for me to leave only five minutes earlier than usual. What was the big deal?

"I'm not very hungry this morning, Yami." I answered without hesitation.

A look between disappointment and annoyance shows up on his features. What's that look for? Sighing, I sat back at the table, noticing a deep red stain on the surface. I didn't even bother asking Yami where it came from. The guy is always getting himself into things.

Satisfied, he tossed the dishes into the sink, not caring if they chip or break. He's reckless like that. Sometimes I love it. Other times... I really don't know what to think.

He grabbed his box of cigerettes off the top of the fridge. He ruffled my hair, and headed for the front door. No. Don't leave me here. I don't want to spend the day alone again. I stood up quickly, calling after him, "Yami?"

He stopped and twisted around, a cigerette was already between his lips, "Hm?"

He actually stopped. "I umm..." my eyes traveled down his toned chest, to the unbuttoned waistline of his leather pants.

Without fail, Bakura noticed. He removed the cigerette, letting a smug smirk spread across his lips, "What's the matter, Omote? Did you want something else for breakfast?" he advaced towards me. Oh God. Here we go.

"No! That's not what I meant!" I felt my face flush over three shades of red.

If I didn't stop him, something else had. He spun around, feeling a presence behind him. Who is it? I looked over his shoulder. Marik. For once, I was happy to see him.

"You're early." Bakura gave me a look, leaning over to nip at my ear. Damn him for knowing my weakest spot.

I peered over at Marik. I hate that little grin of his. What a jerk. I wanted to smack that look right off his face.

I watched Bakura run up the stairs, only to come back down at an eye's blink with a brown cotton shirt flying behind him. He hadn't buttoned it. God, he was going to look so indecent.

"Yami..." I grabbed his shirt tail.

"What? I got to go." he looked down in my eyes, his scowl evaporating. It's amazing how sorry he can be when I flash him those puppy dog eyes.

I spun him around, and buttoned his shirt all the way up, "For me?" I requested, zipping and fastening his pants while I was at it.

He did one of those annoyed sighs, staring up at the ceiling. He waited for me to finish, when he undoes the first two buttons, exposing his chest, "For me?" he mocked me.

I shrugged, "Sure. Whatever." I didn't smile when he left, Marik trailing closely behind him. What sort of hell were they going summon to Japan today? I watched the news to find out, but nothing came up about two insane young adults causing havoc amoung innocent civilians. Lucky me.

/Do we know how to get the message across

We turn the lights off to find a way out/

Spending all day on my own, I had cleaned the house up, and started some laundry. Eventually, I curled up with my book, and read until late in the afternoon. Yes, I can get a bit absorbed into these sort of things. At about seven, I started dinner. I thought that if I made Bakura's favorite, he would stick around tonight.

Traditionally, he would crawl into bed with me, and he would be gone before I even got to sleep. He would mumble about needing a cigerette, and I would hear the front door close only once. Yet, somehow, he'd always make it back before I woke up the next morning, completely passed out, I might add.

God, I wish he was home right now. No one understands how insanely lonely I can feel. I could be standing on the Tokyo trainway during rush hour, and feel like I'm the only one there. Honda said it was something like 'social anxiety disorder' or something. I don't think it is. I just miss Yami.

I hear the screen door slam shut. Is he home so soon? Yay! Someone up there heard my prayers!

"Something smells good." Yami walks up behind me, and gives me a little kiss on the cheek. Well, that's sweet. Now I remember why I became this man's lover.

"Yami, you're home early." I look over my shoulder from the stove, and blink. Oh my stars. "Yami!"

The shirt that we calmy battled about this morning was nowhere to be found. His hair was more ruffled than ever. To top it all off, his bottom lip was split open. Was he gangbanged or something!?!

I turn off the stove, and drop the spoon I was using to stir, "What happened?" I lean over him, cupping his cheek. He looks terrible!

"Ryou..." he whispers. That way he says my name... I'm starting to feel shivers.

Wait. He never calls me Ryou. Not unless we're having sex... or if he wants something. Damn. He's trying to trick me! That bastard!

"What do you want?" I frown. So much for being sweet. It's always too good to be true with him.

He leans up and kisses me, nibbling on my bottom lip. Oh. I see.

"Yami... I can't." I stand up straight, watching him slump in his chair. Oh don't do that! He has an even deadlier puppy pout than I do!

"Why not?" his eyes blazed again.

Biting my lip, I stare at the floor again, "What happened to you?" I mumble, "Where's your shirt? Why is your lip busted open? Where did you go? Where DO you go?" all of a sudden I find myself ranting all of the questions that just pop into my head. What am I doing!?! Yami HATES answering questions.

The next thing I knew, I was in our bed, staring into his chocolate orbs called eyes. He leaned down to nibble at my lip again. Slowly, he pushed himself back up, "Ryou... shut up." it was rude, but so inviting. I always find myself surrendering to this man.

In the darkness, I felt his lips on mine, running his tongue along the roof of my mouth, causing me to giggle. His hands began to slide down my sides, feeling out my lithe body. Yami says I should eat more.

Slowly, he advances to my neck and goes up to my ear, pulling on the lobe ever so teasingly. What a flirt! I feel my breath speeding up. It's too soon in the game for me to be so flustered. What's so different?

"Bakura..." I moan almost silently. He loves it when I call him by his name during our little "rounds".

I know he's grinning. He always does when we're in the process. Right now, he could be smiling, and I wouldn't be able to tell, because it's so dark. He's tricky like that.

"Yami... I..." I close my eyes as he continues to take me. I'm his ragdoll at the moment. I let him do what he wants with me, because I know it gets me what I want: attention. Don't expect me to talk or think right now. It's just simply not done.

/No time to get through to grasp what was lost

don't turn the lights off and leave me in the dark/

RING RING.

Damnit!

Yami didn't sound very joyous either. He growled, picking up the phone on the floor beside the bed, "What?" he barked. Oh Dear. What if it was my father?

"Don't give me that shit, Marik Ishtar!" he scolded, "You think it's funny that I'm screaming at you? Well fuck you!" he kisses my forehead roughly, and climbs out of the bed, slamming the door behind him. It didn't matter if he left the room or not, I can still hear him clear as day.

"I can't put up with your shit, anymore, Marik. I'm done. WE'RE done. No. This has NOTHING to do with the runt, and you know it!" he paused. I guess Marik was adding his own two cents, "It's not because you punched me! Don't you get it!?!" Marik punched him? Oh he is SO dead!

"This is just a never ending cycle with you! There is NO way you can change my fuckin' mind." Apparently he can, because Yami did one of those sighs. That, 'fine. I'll listen to your crap' sigh.

"Okay. I'll come over, but the second you pull anything out of your ass, I'm out of there... for GOOD." he must have banged his head against the wall, because I heard several thuds on the other side of the wall.

/Hey, I'm pleading, my soul is bleeding.

I don't want to be left alone, not when I'm right next to you./

What just happened? What did he mean by 'we're done'? He isn't... cheating on me, is he? No. Impossible... right?

He flicked on the lightswitch, and saw me staring down at the bed, my arms pulling my knees to my chest. He sighed, "Ryou... I-"

"I don't care." I croak, tearing burning my eyes, "Go see your lover."

I didn't need to see Bakura's face to know he was a more than a bit surprised. He dropped the phone onto the floor again, "It's not like that!"

"Then, what is it, Bakura!?!" I find myself screaming, "Don't try telling me bullshit, because I shove it right back at you!" I bury my face into my knees. I'm going to cry over this for sure.

"Omote..." he sat down on the bed, "listen to me!"

"No!" I yell into my knees, pushing him aside, "Go! I don't care! Just leave me alone like you always do!"

So, that's what he did. He pulled on some clothes, and hurried his ass out of the house. Now that I think about it, I can't believe myself. I spend all my time and energy so he'd have a reason to stay home, and here I was, making him leave. GOD HOW STUPID AM I!?! I'm so disgusted with myself. I can't stand it!

Stumbling into the bathroom, my eyes are clouded over with tears. I wipe my eyes messily, catching a glimspe of myself in the mirror. Look at you. Sobbing all over yourself. It's your fault you know! He's not going to be back! You know it! YOU SCREWED YOURSELF OVER ONE TOO MANY TIMES!

It's like this ever damn day. Everyday I do it all over again. I keep my own, while you do your thing. It never changes. Every night, we lay in the same bed, but it feels like I'm the only one there. Every night you just leave me in the dark, only to come back, thinking I didn't see you. Well I take notice.

/What are you thinking, it's so misleading

Is it not for me to know, I think it's just hard for you to show./

I know you don't want me! I'm just a slave! I'm a cheap screw when your lover isn't conviently waiting for you! I can't take it. I'm so sorry, Bakura. I can't! The razor looks so inviting. It just looks so perfect, so tempting. I promised myself never to do it again. Then again, no one keeps promises anymore. Not even you, Bakura!

It's all my fault. Everything is because of me. I was the one who asked for change...

Author's Note: Chapter one is all done! Scary, huh? I thought so. FYI, I didn't use the whole song, because if I did, it would be a darn long chapter. So, umm reveiws are welcome. Constructive critism is also appreciated. However, flamers will be ignored, so don't waste everyone's time and FF.net's space.