Category: humour
Season/Sequel: Sequel to Kiss Her
Pairing: Daniel/Janet
Summary: The last thing she needs is to be told that she needs to get laid by a voice in her head.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Author's Notes: Dedicated to Laura, Lin and Jen, my fellow committee members for the "Get Janet Laid, 2004" campaign at Wolf SG-7. Especially Jen, whose fault it would be, if it wasn't all Teryl's fault! *bg*
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I think you should go and see him.
Janet ignored the little voice in her head as she reached across her desk for another manila folder. Well, I think that I need to get this paperwork done.
But it's so boring!
I know, but it's a necessary evil. It's part of being a doctor.
Let's go play doctor with Daniel!
What?!
You heard me – a full check-up is in order if you know what I mean.
Unfortunately, I do.
So? Let's go!
Uh, no!
Why not? The paperwork's not going anywhere.
The paperwork's not the only problem.
Oh?
I am not going to go and… well, you know, with Daniel.
I don't see why not.
Well, because it's Daniel for a start.
And your point is?
Daniel's my friend and my patient.
And your future lover, possibly husband if everything goes to plan.
She almost dropped her pen in shock. What?!
Aw, come on, Janet, you know it's what you want.
I want to marry Daniel? See, if that was true, wouldn't I know that myself?
Technically, you do know it yourself. You're just trying to deny it.
Am not!
Are too!
Am not. And I'm not going to get into a childish argument with a voice in my head.
You started it.
I did not – and don't even think about trying to start an argument with me again.
Fine. Geez, you're tetchy. I have a feeling this is related to you not getting laid in seven years. It is, isn't it?
Janet leant forwards and sunk her head into her hands. Oh good god…
Face it, Janet. You need to get laid. And I know the perfect candidate for the job.
I am not about to go and have sex with Daniel!
Are you sure? It'll be fun, much more fun than paperwork.
Anything's more fun than paperwork.
So you'll go then?
No!
How about you just go up to talk then? And casually slip into the conversation the fact that you love him totally and would like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies.
Okay, now you're ripping off lines from movies. The next time Sam wants to go see the latest romantic comedy she can go by herself. Or with Jack.
That's because you'll be going to see it with Daniel.
No, I won't.
Sure you will. You'll go see movies, have candlelit dinners, take romantic moonlight walks and make love all night long.
Making love all night long is not physically possible for a human male. Not even with help from Viagra. And although foreplay might drag it out for a bit longer, all night long is not physically possible for a human male.
Oh fine. You'll have great sex at intermittent points through the night. Satisfied now?
According to you, I haven't been in seven years!
My god, was that a joke?
Don't get used to it!
Well, it's a start. Anyway, it's time to go and see Daniel.
No, it's not. It's time for me to fill in the paperwork on SG-19's unsuccessful return from P49-212.
That can wait. Their initial injuries and prognosis won't have changed after a few hours.
Janet snorted. You're being a bit optimistic, aren't you?
Well, you're not just going to burst into his office and rip off his clothes then and there, are you? Or are you? Because if you do, remember to lock the door behind you!
No, I'm not going to do that because I'm not going up to his office – period. She picked her pen back up and prepared to return to her paperwork. She had barely written four words before the voice spoke up again.
I don't know why you're fighting. It's obvious that you love him.
Janet sighed. I don't love him.
You do. Why won't you just admit it to yourself?
I am not in love with Daniel Jackson. I like him well enough as a friend, nothing more.
Janet, you're just deluding yourself. Just think of his body, think of his smile, his eyes. You can't honestly tell me you don't want that.
Well, maybe a little. But I'm not in love with him. We are friends. What part of that don't you understand?
The part that involves you staring at him and the part where he's staring back at you, both of you thinking that the other doesn't notice.
I do not stare at Daniel.
Oh, honey, tell it to someone who'll believe you.
Janet signed. Maybe I like him a little bit. But it's just a little crush.
Well, can you just go and talk to him at least? It is a bit lonely here.
And say what exactly?
Try, "oh how about some coffee, or drinks, or dinner, or a movie… for as long as we both shall live?"
What did I say about ripping off lines from movies?
That I'm not to do it?
Got it in one! Now, can you just let me finish off this paperwork?
No. Not until you've gone to see Daniel, because the more of him you see the better. And I mean that in both ways!
Of course you do!
Come on, Janet. Just go and see him. Then I'll let you get on with your paperwork for the rest of the day, I promise.
Really and truly? Her voice was full of suspicion.
Really and truly. But only for the rest of the day, because tomorrow, all this will start over again.
Janet just let her head drop down and hit her desk. Dare I ask what I need to do to make you shut up for good?
The voice started to snigger. Are you sure you want the answer to that?
Actually, I probably don't, do I?
Why don't you just give up and go to him? You know you want to.
Janet raised her head and sighed. I'll go and see him later.
Later's no good.
Well, tough, it'll have to do.
No, it won't. I'm bored and I think that you should break tradition and go and ask Daniel out on a date.
If he wants to go on a date then he can ask me himself.
Well, at least go to his office and give him a sign that you're interested.
As the sign you want me to give him involves having sex, I think not somehow.
You could just go and kiss him then instead.
Yes. Because randomly going up to his office and kissing him is much better.
Come on, Janet, we both know that Daniel will miss all the normal subtle signs. It's one of the reasons you love him.
I don't love him!
Just go and suggest going out for coffee together, or dinner one night, and point out that if you happen to have sex afterwards then so be it. And you can't get me for a movie quote on that one!!
Close enough. And any conversation I have with Daniel today will not involve the word sex.
Don't call it sex then… making love, coition, intercourse, copulation, fornication, hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing, the horizontal mambo… need I continue?
Janet was pretty sure that her cheeks were flushed bright red and hoped that no one would chose that moment to come and see her about anything. No, thank you, that's quite enough.
There was more sniggering from the voice. Janet, Janet, Janet. You know that you and Daniel getting together is inevitable, so why prolong it?
It's not inevitable. Why are you saying things like that?
Because one day, one of you will just snap then it's goodbye not getting laid and the loneliness of being single, and hello regular sex and wedded bliss.
You know, you're scarily obsessed with getting me laid.
It's all for your own good, Janet, just trust me.
Uh hu. Janet was clearly sceptical, but she pushed back her chair and stood up.
Are you going to see him? Are you, are you, are you? She would have sworn that the voice was bouncing.
Yes, because I'm clearly not going to get any work done here, and I'm really hoping that you're going to shut up if I do.
Heee! What'cha going to say to him when you get there?
I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead yet. And before you say anything, it will not involve anything to do with sex, kissing or anything else like that.
What if he starts up a conversation like that?
What if he… he's not going to start up any conversation like that!
You never know.
This is Daniel we're talking about here.
I know. The same Daniel who keeps staring at you when you think he's not looking, the same Daniel who, according to Sam, has a major crush on you.
He does not!
Does too.
Does not.
Does too.
Does not, and shut up now. And I'm pre-empting any comments about me being irritable and needing to get laid, okay?
Spoilsport.
Live with it.
Ooh, we're here. And the door's open. You have to remember to close it, okay?
If I close it, it's because I don't want rumours to fly around the base.
Well, yeah, because I don't think they'll buy the excuse that it's an alternate method to check his tonsils.
Janet just rolled her eyes, before narrowing them as she caught the dull sound of something thudding in Daniel's office.
I'm so glad you didn't say banging. Because we all know the banging's going to be happening later, if you know what I mean!!
Do you want me to go in there with my cheeks looking like a stop sign?
No, but I'm hoping that they'll be that colour later, from something other than embarrassment though!
Janet sighed as she made it to the door of her friend's office, and frowned when she saw him banging his head against the desk.
"Daniel?" She questioned, wondering just what was wrong with him.
"Uh, hi Janet," Daniel replied, clearly nervous.
What's he so nervous about?
It's because he likes you, and you're here, and he was probably thinking dirty thoughts about you.
The only dirty thoughts that are being thought in this room are from you, so get over it.
Closing the door behind her, ignoring the voice's dirty little laugh, she crossed across the room and stood in front of him.
"Are you feeling okay?" she asked in concern. "You look a little flushed."
She reached down to place her hand on his forehead.
He feels fine to me… although you might want to start feeling a bit lower.
I'm checking his temperature, not his appendix scar.
Ooh, but that was fun. Can we not do that again? Or how about his prostate?
Janet ignored the voice. "You're a bit…
Hot! He's hot!
"…warm," she finished off. He pulled away from her hand.
"I'm fine, Janet. How are you doing?"
She leant against his desk.
Sexually frustrated and as grumpy as hell
Shut. Up.
You're just proving my point here.
"Oh, fine," she replied. "Just been finishing up some paperwork. Gets a bit lonely though after a while."
I was about to ask how could you be lonely with me, but then I realised that you're just lonely when Daniel's not around. So I won't take any offence at that comment.
Well, I was hardly going to say that the conversation with the little voice in my head about me getting laid gets a bit repetitive after a while, was I?
Well, you never know. He might have offered to be a gentleman and do something about your current… situation.
"I, uh, yeah, I imagine so," Daniel said, looking slightly flustered to Janet's trained eye. "So, got any plans for the weekend."
The little voice started to cackle. Ooh, that's a loaded question. Need a quick stop off for condoms, whipped cream and the like, then she's all yours for the rest of the weekend.
I do not need to go to the store for those items.
You mean you already have them? Janet, girl, you're more prepared than I gave you credit for.
I mean, I'm not going to need them.
She sighed. "Nothing much really. I'm on call Friday night, but I've got both Saturday and Sunday off. Cassandra said that she might come home for a visit on Sunday, but I'm not holding my breath. How about you?"
If he doesn't have any plans, then could you at least see if he wants to do something… or someone, namely you, this weekend… for the sake of my sanity, please?
I might consider asking him to do something as in something not related to sex, and I think it would be for the sake of my sanity.
"Janet, would you like to have dinner with me on Saturday night?" Daniel blurted out.
What?! Did he… he did? Wow, Danny-Boy. I wasn't sure you had it in you.
She stared for a moment in surprise. "Are you asking me out?"
Damn straight he is. And a date is a first step to the marriage and regular sex thing we were discussing earlier.
You were discussing it, not me. Now shut up so I can listen to Daniel.
"Yes," he replied, looking embarrassed.
"I, uh, Daniel, I'm flattered," Janet replied, stammering slightly.
Just say yes woman. Say it…
Will you just shut up for one minute so I can make my decision without help from the peanut gallery?!
"Janet, I like you," he told her, looking straight into her eyes. "A lot."
Told you so! Now will you learn to listen to me?
Not a chance.
"Really?" Her voice was low as she asked him, barely believing what she was hearing.
She was barely breathing as he leaned in closer and closer. "Yes," he replied, before his lips were finally on hers, and he lowered her carefully down onto the desk.
Yes!! Ladies and gentlemen, it may have taken seven years but Janet Fraiser's getting laid!
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