Nocturne

By Fever

Rating: PG-13

Teaser: Set in Zanarkand, before Sin's attack. Auron and Tidus argue.

Disclaimer: FF10 is not mine. If FF10 was mine, they wouldn't be allowed to sell it to under-18s. So just thank your lucky stars and don't sue me.

Warning: General angst and pretentiousness. Also, a little twist you might not like.

A/N: I'm not entirely happy with this story. But it's been sitting there in my room for months now just glaring at me. I had to post it! Constructive criticism is welcome, as always. Also, another chapter of 'Sins Of The Fathers' is in the works, I promise! Though the stunned/bored/disgusted silence at the reviewers' end did scare me a little ; Anyway, enough babbling…

"This is so unfair!"

Auron stared levelly up at Tidus' door from the living room below. "If the game ends at twelve, you're coming back by twelve-thirty and that is final. Now stop whining."

"But I wanna go to the pa-a-rty!" whined Tidus. "Man, you never let me stay out. Stop treating me like a kid!"

"I'll stop treating you like a kid when you stop acting like one."

There was a loud thumping sound from inside Tidus' bedroom, much like the sound of a blitzball being thrown at the wall by a very angry teenage boy. "You're not my real dad!"

"See if I care," he growled. "Besides, I thought you hated your real dad."

"Gaaah!"

His guardian shuffled away. "I'm going to get a drink. Call me when you stop whining."

If Auron said he was going to get a drink, then Auron was going to get a drink, and there was no point in complaining any more. Still, it didn't stop Tidus slamming the ball a few more times, just for effect. He'd get the anger out of his system tonight anyway, even if he had to come straight home afterwards.

Fucking tyrant! What would everyone else think of him if they knew he had a curfew? Tidus, star player of the Zanarkand Abes, gifted and promising young athlete, cosseted little momma's boy. It was times like these when he missed his mother. At least she'd be too busy not caring to keep him in for the best part of the night.

The atmosphere at the dinner table that evening was no less hostile.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"My dinner is cold," spat Tidus finally.

"It's salad, it's supposed to be cold. Now quit sulking and eat it."

"I'm not sulking!"

Auron retained eye contact with his dinner. "Sure."

Tidus muttered something. His guardian's voice became a little more annoyed.

"Don't you swear under your breath at me, young man."

"I wasn't-!"

"I don't care. Shut up and eat it."

There was a pregnant silence. Tidus glared at Auron. When the older man seemed to take no notice, he picked up a fork and started to pointedly push his food around with it. Auron ignored him.

Finally, he slammed the fork back down onto the table. The rest of the cutlery gave a rattle of protest. Only then did Auron glance at him, and he took his time about it too, as if to say 'I really don't give a fuck about your sulking, but I'm going to look up anyway just to humour you.'

Obviously, this didn't improve Tidus' mood one bit.

"I'm going to my room."

"Fine."

"…and I'm gonna stay out tonight anyway! I don't care what you say, I'm fucking seventeen years old and I'll do what I like."

Auron looked back down at his food. "Fine, stay out, just don't expect the door to be open."

"Well then I'll take my own keys." Tidus crossed his arms defiantly.

"…and if you wake me up you're grounded for a month."

"What?!"

"You heard me. And I thought you were going to your room."

Scowling, the blonde boy scraped his chair back and left his table, stomping upstairs with a few angrily muttered obscenities. Auron called up the stairs after him.

"I heard that."

This time Tidus was not so discreet. An eloquent cry of "Asshole!" permeated the walls of the old house-boat they lived in. Auron did not reply, but had Tidus been there, he would have seen clearly the smirk on the older man's face.

Finally, after about half an hour, he relented. Standing outside the door of Tidus' room, Auron gave a tentative knock, and called "Still going to stay out?"

"…"

"Fine." He shuffled back down the stairs.

To Auron's own dismay, he was asleep well before twelve-thirty, and wasn't even awake to lock the door so Tidus had to stay on the deck all night. He was getting weary in his old… well, middle… well… being dead was pretty tiring, anyway, and it was rare that he could stay awake past midnight or 1AM now. Not that it would have mattered. Tidus came back early anyway- he'd made some excuse about training in the morning and had even run all the way home, though he didn't know why.

Auron's room was pitch black and silent when he cautiously pushed the door open at ten past midnight; Tidus blinked, then smirked, realising he'd been expecting this all along. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could just about make out the outline of Auron's form among the covers, chest rising and falling minutely as he breathed. It was nothing more than a vestigial habit now- being unsent, there wasn't much point in Auron breathing at all, but Tidus wasn't to know that. Yet.

Silently, the teenager approached him, lowering his weight down carefully onto the mattress for fear of waking its occupant. Auron slept in his parents' old bed, even though they could afford to get a new one a hundred times over. Tidus didn't understand why this was, but then, he never asked. Auron rarely liked talking about Jecht; Tidus never liked to think why.

Kneeling beside the sleeping figure, the blonde tapped him on the shoulder, then shook it, eliciting a small grunt from its owner.

"Hello? Auron?"

It took Auron a few seconds to respond. "Hn… Oh, you're back."

"Yeah, I…"

"Mm." Apparently satisfied, Auron turned over again in a clear 'Now get the hell out and let me go to sleep' gesture. Tidus ignored it. He stayed beside him in the dark, plucking up the courage to ask the question that had been on his lips for several minutes now.

"Can I-"

His response was abrupt.

"No. Go back to your own bed."

"But I'm co-old!" Tidus' voice assumed that habitual whining tone again, and Auron gave a faint groan.

"Then turn up the central heating!"

"Aur-on!"

"Get out."

Tidus didn't reply. For a moment, Auron thought he'd won, but then a heavy shuffling and shifting of weight on the bed told him otherwise.

"Tidus, I thought I told you to go back to your own- aagh! Tidus get out!"

A pair of slender arms linked themselves around Auron's waist. Tidus had apparently latched himself on to the older man, and it didn't seem like he was going to let go anytime soon. "Hah. Try to stop me."

"Tidus, you're not a kid any more."

"I know, I-"

Something made both of them stop, and pull away from each other; memories resurfaced in their minds, and for a second they remembered something that they should have forgotten long ago. But the spark between them was still there- even in the darkness, it was clear and strong and irresistible, and hung between their skin like a thin cord that could never be broken.

It was Tidus who spoke first, after that long and sweaty silence that seemed to last for an eternity. His voice hung warmly in the air between them, and his throat felt thick and heavy; it was a struggle just to get the one word out, just to pull himself out of this limbo and stop pretending he was somewhere else.

"Sorry."

He could not see Auron's face, but he knew it would be flushed. The older man cleared his throat.

"… It's alright. Just-"

"Yeah, I know, we shouldn't have done it the first time and we have to forget about it." Tidus tried to sound resigned, but he couldn't stop the slight tremor in his voice that came with the memories. It was moments like these which made forgetting all the more difficult. Sometimes he'd go days without remembering, without even having to try to act normal around Auron, but then something would happen and there would be one of those awkward silences between them and Tidus would just want to crawl away into his arms and die alone or be with him forever…

Sometimes, one deep, regretful part of him would wish things could have been different, even though Tidus tried so hard to block that voice out. After all, it wasn't right. Auron was twice his age; hell, he was his legal guardian, and people just didn't do things like this. It wasn't right.

But as much as Tidus hated to admit it, it didn't feel wrong. Being in Auron's arms had given him a comfort and security he hadn't felt since he was a toddler. This wasn't the way you were supposed to be attracted to someone- this wasn't how healthy relationships went, and Tidus knew it.

And yet…

He sat up, realising that another silence had formed hotly between them, and spoke.

"Can't I at least… you know, without… without… can't I just stay-"

"Tidus."

There was more that word alone than Auron could say with a thousand. Tidus knew he was trying to keep his voice level as well, but there were some things he could not disguise no matter how hard he tried. Sadness; regret; longing; slowly cracking resolve. A million nuances in that gentle baritone that Tidus loved so much.

(Loved?)

Tidus let the silence pass again, knowing full well that his guardian was listening to every moment. Finally he found the courage to speak, though it wasn't what he thought he was going to say.

"…please, Auron?"

I just want to sleep in your arms, he wanted to say. I just want to know I'm not alone. I just want to be close to someone for a while, because I miss my mom, and my dad, and it gets so lonely at the top sometimes.

But he couldn't say it, because he knew it wasn't true.

When Auron awoke the next morning, he and Tidus were still locked in each others' arms. He pulled away quickly, careful not to wake the sleeping teenager, and stayed chastely by his side.

Tidus woke up a few hours later, delicate eyelids squeezing shut and then fluttering tentatively open as his body shifted amongst the covers, stirring dazedly to life in the first few moments of re-animation.

"Tidus?"

"…hn…"

It took him a while to remember where he was, and when he did, his expression was unfathomable. He propped himself up on his elbows, staring levelly down at the pillow. His hair was messy and strands of it clung partly to his forehead; his body still pleasantly sore and clammy with sweat.

Auron stared at him, waiting for him to speak.

Finally, Tidus glanced over at him, and though his expression did not change his fingernails dug slightly into the mattress below; hidden thankfully below the thin sheets, where Auron could not see. "That wasn't-"

"No. I know."

"I'm sorry."

He tried his best to sound reassuring, but it was hard when you didn't know what you were feeling. "It wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have-"

"-no, it was me, I'm sorry. I should have just gone back to my own bed."

"It… we…"

They stared at each other, expressions as readable as they had been in the dark the night before. It was a while before Auron spoke again.

"We just have to forget it."

"Yeah." Tidus' voice was slightly harsh, as if he had a sore throat. He told himself that was what it was.

It wasn't until later on that either of them dared to say anything. Tidus had pulled on an old pair of jeans; Auron was fully dressed, and smoothing out the bedsheets as if nothing had happened. He thought it best not to look up from what he was doing when he spoke.

"Tidus- when you said… you loved me…. you… didn't mean it. Right?"

This made the blonde boy stop in his tracks, though if Auron noticed it, he did not comment. "…no. Uh, I… no."

Later on, Tidus would look back and curse himself. He should have just pretended he didn't remember; that it was just one of those things you said when you were completely out of it, one of those things you didn't really mean. That way he could have somehow fooled himself into thinking it was true.

Oblivious, Auron carried on, his voice attempting to take on the tone of a Concerned Parent, though it was quite hard, given their current situation. "Good. You know, it's not… I mean, you should be… seeing girls your own age, and it's not-"

"Healthy. I know."

"Right. And Jecht- I mean, your father, he-"

"No, I know. We shouldn't have done it."

"Yeah."

Tidus opened the door, but he didn't walk out; not just yet. As much as he wanted to.

"Auron?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

Auron heard the sound of Tidus walking out, and the door swinging benignly shut behind him, but he never once dared to look round.

owari