Chapter 7

Aug 2, 1995

100lbs (excessive trauma has lifted 30 lbs off normal body weight), hair nonexistent (gone bald due to stress), chocolate frog units 9 (understandable), no. of times wished worked for international ministry of magic: countless, no. of times wished Umbridge will get stuck in the toilet 4 (v.g.), butterbeer units 1 (excellent, considering current situation)

9:00am, office

Oh god, oh god. Am sacked. Am sacked for sure. Was singing to Muggle music when Umbridge waded her way through office. Bloody troll gave me evil eye before saying, "Miss Nymphadora, your lack of musical talents is appalling. And might I add you were late today? Not your first time, I assume."

Stood there with mouth agape fuming. Actually was more petrified than mad at first.

"This is just a warning. I'm afraid next time I will not be as…" bloody troll pauses here, examines the dust on windowsill, and gives me evil eye again, "flexible." Actually was a bit weird here. Thought she was trying to seduce me but in reality she was trying to bore holes in head telepathically. My head, that is. She looked as if was about to say more, but suddenly Shacklebolt bursted in.

"Tonks, where are the files on Karkaroff, do you know? I can't find it anywh- Oh, good morning, Dolores, am I interrupting something?"

Dolores? Didn't know her first name was Dolores. Always thought it was something troll-like… like… Alberta or something.

Anyway. Troll gave him the evil eye but Shacklebolt didn't as much as flinched. She sniffed the air and walked out, then whipped backwards with alarming precision and said, "Miss Nymphadora, I expect this place to be clean and tidy by tomorrow morning. I hope I will not be disappointed, or I will not be too… pleased."

Pleased? Please, that troll's never pleased. Maybe what she really need is a man to smooth the edges and such. Unfortunately there is major drop of available men working in Ministry. Is Fudge married, I wonder?

Anyway. Have started cleaning like madwoman. Shacklebolt lifesaver, though now cheeky as ever as he's had one over me.

Gah, what to do, what to do? Why me?

I know! Will go eat some chocolate frogs to calm the nerves.

2:00pm

Hmm… office v. clean now. HA! Take that you troll!

Wonder what Remus is doing? Mmm… maybe taking one of his weird afternoon showers. Mm… must not fantasize. No, no.

Mmm…

2:30pm

Usually around this time Remus steps out of shower all drippy and mm…

2:45pm

He really has quite nice shoulders.

3:00pm

Must stop.

3:05pm

AHA! Stopped!

3:09pm

Also lovely jaws. V. v. v. lovely.

3:30pm

Maybe will owl him.

Dear Remus,

How are you? Am rather bored here. Oh, owl is Teeki, by the way, and she can be easily startled, so be careful. Anyway. Um. I suppose I should have told you this before you receive the owl, but, you know, no other way. Anyway I suppose you'll learn soon.

How was the shower?

Love,

Tonks

3:33pm

Bloody hell. Saw wrinkly hand with gold everywhere, so knew was troll spying on me. Anyway. She's gone now.

3:45pm

Hm. Have not written back yet.

3:55pm

What's taking him so long?

4:00pm

Maybe was mistake to put 'love.' Must have sounded like scary stalker girl from grade school. Or weird senile grandmother with too much powder and perfume. Oh, oh. Doom. Dooom.

4:20pm

Is Lupin! Odd, why is Teeki all battered looking? Let's see…

My Dear Nymphadora,

You have no idea how delightfully refreshing it was to have a 40lbs owl attack me just as I stepped out of the shower. Did you train your owls to stun? Or to kill? I've just battled with your snow beast stark naked for at least 10 minutes. I apologize if your owl return slightly battered looking. Self defense, you see.

To answer your question, the shower was splendid, although the events that followed were somewhat alarming.

All the best,

R. Lupin

PS – You named that thing Teeki? And thanks for the late warning.

PPS – Please refrain from owling me again for the next 30 minutes, as the battle with Teeki left me rather dirty, and I must take another shower.

Gah! Why did bloody bat mum give Nymphadora as name? Why? Must keep on reminding Remus… Mmmmmmm… battled naked! Dirty, sweaty, slightly peeved Remus battling naked! Oh god. Must stop.

6:00pm, flat

Am back. Remus is coming. Must make flat resemble shag city in less than 30 minutes. Would be rather difficult as 1) cannot find vacuum (rather strange Muggle device) 2) have just set curtains on fire (was trying to light candles by matches) 3) Teeki still somewhat disoriented from battle with Lupin (have named it Battle of Showersburg.)

Also cannot find – GAAAAAAAAAH

8:05pm, flat

Was Remus all tall and sexy, but looking v. troubled. Poor thing. Lots to worry about. Told me just came from Dumbledore's. Deatheater movements picking up now, and Dumbledore's wanting people on double-shift at both Privet Drive and… ahem. Remus also worry about Sirius. Said he was v. restless, Sirius, that is, although Remus was, too, as was pacing about furiously.

Poor thing.

9:23pm

Oh dear. Dumbledore's head popped out of nowhere. Said something was v. v. v. wrong at Privet Drive. Told me and Remus to get to Grimmauld's Place straight away.

A/N: GAH! Sorry everyone. Haven't updated in forever, and know this chapter was quite stupid. Anyway. Summer's finally here and will make a goal of finishing this. Darker bits coming up. And thank you everyone. You guys have been so supportive and nice : ) (Even though I nearly abandoned this story, hehe.) ANYHOW. More will come soon. Please review!