a/n The obligatory: I do not own Gundam Wing.
"Herro Yuy! Why is my car still in one piece?"
"... Because it didn't break?"
"A BOMB went off under my car and it just looks like it needs a new paint job, now as grateful as I am to have my car in one piece, how is that possible!?"
"Your car is made out of Gundanium."
"Since when?"
"Three months ago."
"And why didn't I know about this."
He shrugged.
"Well?"
"You never want to discuss your security."
"So you just decided to replace my car without my permission?"
"You gave it."
"When was this?"
"Last year when you were going around on that scavenger hunt, you got fed up of me taking 2 minutes to check the car before letting you in every time so you said to me, and I quote 'Isn't there any other way to do this that won't take as much time?' My reply was 'Yes there is one thing I could do.' You then shoved past me got in the car and told me to do it."
"And that thing was replacing it with an identical car that's built out of Gundanium?"
He nodded.
"And you never bothered to mention this?"
"Like I said, you never want to discuss your security."
"Since you've already earned yourself a place on the couch tonight, is there anything else I should be aware of?"
He nodded.
"Well?"
"Your briefcase has a homing device, your wardrobe is bullet proof, our dog is actually a highly trained guard dog, all the vital parts of your car are shielded to ensure they can't be tampered with, and your new chauffeur is a highly trained sniper."
"... Back up a minute, my wardrobe is bullet proof?"
He nodded.
"How did you manage that?"
"Synthetic spider-silk."
"Spider silk?"
"Synthetic."
"How did you manage that?"
"I kept sending unused outfits to be refitted, eventually I got through your entire wardrobe."
"And spider silk stops bullets?"
"Theoretically it's ten times stronger then a steel cord."
"Interesting."
The seconds on the clock ticked off, he said nothing in hopes that his banishment to the couch would be forgiven or forgotten.
"So did you ever ask me about the other things?"
He nodded again.
"And this was when?"
"February 2, 2000 hours, you returned home from a long day, took a hot bath, received a massage and said 'do whatever' that was the wardrobe. March 15, 0600 hours you decided to use the new briefcase I got you, when I attempted to inform you about the homing device you said something to the effect of 'yeah, sure, whatever.' March 24, 1800 hours, in a discussion over what kind of dog to get we decided on a German Shepard, you instructed me to train it. The car was all done at once, and the chauffeur, well that one is Une's doing actually."
She blinked, and blinked again.
"How did you build that car anyways?"
"Weekend project. Duo's scrapyard."
Yet again she blinked.
There was no sound but the clock's ticking, which was becoming so annoying Heero was tempted to shoot it.
"Is that everything I need to be aware of?"
He shook his head no.
"Well?"
"Une planning on updating the house security system while you are in Rome next month."
She glared.
"I said Une, Une is the evil overbearing one, I have no part in this."
"And just where did she get the idea from?"
"... your highly overprotective brother?"
More time ticked by, Heero's fingers were twitching near where he kept his gun.
"I trust you'll call that off?"
He nodded.
She smiled, "Good, now let's go."
He blinked, while her being in a good mood now was certainly a change for the better he had to ask... "go?"
"Upstairs now."
"Upstairs?"
"The way I see it, you owe me four more massages and the first one is tonight."
Remembering the results of this from last time he gave her a massage, he did the only logical thing any man in his position would do. Got up, scooped his wife up in his arms, and took her upstairs as quickly as possible... Let's just say he didn't spend the night on the couch.
"Herro Yuy! Why is my car still in one piece?"
"... Because it didn't break?"
"A BOMB went off under my car and it just looks like it needs a new paint job, now as grateful as I am to have my car in one piece, how is that possible!?"
"Your car is made out of Gundanium."
"Since when?"
"Three months ago."
"And why didn't I know about this."
He shrugged.
"Well?"
"You never want to discuss your security."
"So you just decided to replace my car without my permission?"
"You gave it."
"When was this?"
"Last year when you were going around on that scavenger hunt, you got fed up of me taking 2 minutes to check the car before letting you in every time so you said to me, and I quote 'Isn't there any other way to do this that won't take as much time?' My reply was 'Yes there is one thing I could do.' You then shoved past me got in the car and told me to do it."
"And that thing was replacing it with an identical car that's built out of Gundanium?"
He nodded.
"And you never bothered to mention this?"
"Like I said, you never want to discuss your security."
"Since you've already earned yourself a place on the couch tonight, is there anything else I should be aware of?"
He nodded.
"Well?"
"Your briefcase has a homing device, your wardrobe is bullet proof, our dog is actually a highly trained guard dog, all the vital parts of your car are shielded to ensure they can't be tampered with, and your new chauffeur is a highly trained sniper."
"... Back up a minute, my wardrobe is bullet proof?"
He nodded.
"How did you manage that?"
"Synthetic spider-silk."
"Spider silk?"
"Synthetic."
"How did you manage that?"
"I kept sending unused outfits to be refitted, eventually I got through your entire wardrobe."
"And spider silk stops bullets?"
"Theoretically it's ten times stronger then a steel cord."
"Interesting."
The seconds on the clock ticked off, he said nothing in hopes that his banishment to the couch would be forgiven or forgotten.
"So did you ever ask me about the other things?"
He nodded again.
"And this was when?"
"February 2, 2000 hours, you returned home from a long day, took a hot bath, received a massage and said 'do whatever' that was the wardrobe. March 15, 0600 hours you decided to use the new briefcase I got you, when I attempted to inform you about the homing device you said something to the effect of 'yeah, sure, whatever.' March 24, 1800 hours, in a discussion over what kind of dog to get we decided on a German Shepard, you instructed me to train it. The car was all done at once, and the chauffeur, well that one is Une's doing actually."
She blinked, and blinked again.
"How did you build that car anyways?"
"Weekend project. Duo's scrapyard."
Yet again she blinked.
There was no sound but the clock's ticking, which was becoming so annoying Heero was tempted to shoot it.
"Is that everything I need to be aware of?"
He shook his head no.
"Well?"
"Une planning on updating the house security system while you are in Rome next month."
She glared.
"I said Une, Une is the evil overbearing one, I have no part in this."
"And just where did she get the idea from?"
"... your highly overprotective brother?"
More time ticked by, Heero's fingers were twitching near where he kept his gun.
"I trust you'll call that off?"
He nodded.
She smiled, "Good, now let's go."
He blinked, while her being in a good mood now was certainly a change for the better he had to ask... "go?"
"Upstairs now."
"Upstairs?"
"The way I see it, you owe me four more massages and the first one is tonight."
Remembering the results of this from last time he gave her a massage, he did the only logical thing any man in his position would do. Got up, scooped his wife up in his arms, and took her upstairs as quickly as possible... Let's just say he didn't spend the night on the couch.