To the End

by Akanamida

They tell me I don't understand what she's going through. They think that just because I'm not sobbing every five minutes that I don't care about how she feels. But I do. And in truth, it hurts me far more than it hurts her. They just can't know that. I have to put on a strong face for Kagome. It's bad enough that her boyfriend killed himself. I can't tell her how Inuyasha betrayed her... and with me. She'll probably know soon enough, but I sure as hell don't intend to be the one to tell her.

It's been two days, and I haven't cried. Don't get me wrong, it hurts. Very badly. But I can't let them know that. The worst feeling is keeping everything to myself. Knowing that he planned to do that, and doing nothing to stop him. Nobody knew about my relationship with Inuyasha, except me and him. If I talk about it now, it'll only make matters worse. Because not only has Kagome been betrayed, but so has Miroku.

Miroku. I can't believe I've done this to him, that I'm going to hurt him even more. I agreed to marry him, to have his child. After we killed Naraku, and his Kazaana had vanished, he was so excited. First thing he did was run to me, lift me off my feet and spin us around, laughing. And then he put me down, and kissed me. We'd snuck a few kisses together before, when Kagome and Inuyasha were in her time, leaving us alone. But this one was so different. I had never felt so much emotion from Miroku in one kiss. It was that kind that probably lasted for several minutes, but felt like a nanosecond.

Since he was no longer in a rush to produce an heir, Miroku didn't push me to marry him or sleep with him. He knew I was new to being in a relationship, so he let us take it slow. Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe if we'd gotten married sooner, I wouldn't have found myself in Inuyasha's arms. Maybe none of this would have happened.

It was two months ago. Naraku had been dead for about three weeks. Kagome had gone back to her time, and like always, Inuyasha went to wait for her without her knowledge. She had just gotten home from school, but she wasn't alone. A boy was with her... Homo... Hoho... Hobo? ... Whatever his name is. Kagome told me he was persistent in asking her out, but still very nice. Anyway, Inuyasha was sitting in the tree watching them, and out of nowhere, the boy with the weird name leaned over and kissed Kagome. Now, it was just a simple peck on the cheek, but through Inuyasha's eyes, it was like another arrow through his heart.

Meanwhile, I had found a clearing in Inuyasha's forest, and was practicing with Hiraikotsu by myself. Miroku was off with Kirara on a visit to Mushin, to finish his training as a monk, so I needed to find a way to kill time for the next few weeks. About two seconds after I had thrown my weapon, Inuyasha appeared out of nowhere, and got slammed in the chest by it, knocking him into a tree. I froze for a moment, unsure that I had really just witnessed that, then ran to him as fast as my legs could carry me. He was conscious, but didn't even bother trying to move. Tears were streaming down his face, and the only thing I could hear from him was his broken voice, whispering, "How could you do this to me... Kagome..."

I didn't know what to do, or what had even happened to get him crying. It took only a minute to inspect his physical injuries, which only consisted of a long bruise across his chest and a bump on the head from the tree he hit. After I was sure he wasn't seriously hurt, I sat next to him, and held him. Inuyasha leaned into my chest and started sobbing into my kimono. It was driving me crazy, not knowing what had him so upset, but I let him cry. I stroked his hair and whispered meaningless words to him, trying to calm him down. "Shh... It's okay, Inuyasha... It's okay..."

Finally, Inuyasha lifted his head up and looked at me. He promptly wiped the tears from his face and turned his back to me. Getting up, he finally spoke to me. "Sorry Sango, I didn't mean to get in your way and mess up your practice. I'll leave now..."

As he started to walk away, I put my hand on his shoulder, and he stopped and looked back at me. "It's okay, Inuyasha, I don't mind if you stay. I'm here for you."

I meant every word, but I didn't think he'd actually stay. He usually has too much pride to let people see how he's feeling. Before I knew it, he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me and crying again, on my shoulder this time. I led us backward to the base of the tree and sat him down, still holding him. This went on for several minutes, before he pretty much wore himself out. Eventually, he just leaned his head on my shoulder, and sat there like that.

I couldn't help him feel better if I didn't know what hurt him in the first place. Thing is, when you mix Inuyasha and emotions, you NEVER know what to expect from him. He could be open as if it was totally natural, or he could snap.

Taking my chances, I asked, "Inuyasha... what happened?"

He choked back a sob. "Kagome... she... how could she do this to me? I thought she loved me... She said she wanted to be with me... How could she let that stupid bastard KISS her?! Sango... how could she?"

I knew exactly how he felt. Despite Miroku's promises to me, I've caught him staring at many other women, even groping a few. And it hurt. I never hit him anymore when he lets his hand wander on me, and yet, he still has the nerve to fantasize about other women.

Even though I understood, and I wasn't exactly happy about what Kagome had done, I wanted him to feel better. "Inuyasha, I'm sure it wasn't like that... He probably just surprised her or something. I'm sure she didn't want it..." I told him.

"Well she didn't fucking tell him to back off either! All she did was blush and they kept walking to her house! How do I know she didn't just fuck him the second they got inside?!" Inuyasha snapped.

I sighed. "She wouldn't do that to you, Inuyasha. I'm sure he just surprised her. You know how she is, any show of affection from ANY guy and she gets too flustered to think straight."

Inuyasha lifted his head from my shoulder and looked at me. A look of understanding came across his face. Then, to my complete shock, he pulled my head to his own and kissed me. Simple and sweet. Yet unlike any kiss I had ever gotten from Miroku. This one felt, if I dare say it... right. Like Inuyasha's lips were made to fit my own perfectly. He pulled back and blushed, but he didn't turn away. I felt the heat rising to my own face by now, too. He started to lean towards me, as if to kiss me again, but a distant, familiar voice made us freeze.

"Inuyasha, I'm back! I brought you more ramen!" Kagome shouted from a distance.

Inuyasha closed his eyes and sighed, then got back up. He turned around and held a hand to me, and helped me up. "You coming back to camp?" he wondered.

"Um... you go on ahead, I'm gonna finish my exercise with Hiraikotsu. I'll catch up later, okay?" I said, blushing the entire time.

Inuyasha smirked. "Alright. I can't blame you if you don't want to be around camp anyway, I'm probably just going to get in another fight with Kagome..." he said, and walked off. I picked up my boomerang and got into a fighting stance, trying to get my mind off of what had just occured.

True to his word, Inuyasha and Kagome were in a heated argument by the time I neared camp. And just as I thought, it was about Hoho. Obviously, Inuyasha had confronted her about him. I didn't want to get involved in the fight, so I eavesdropped from behind a nearby tree.

"I can't believe you're treating this like it's nothing, Kagome! You let him kiss you! You said you loved ME, not Hobo!" Inuyasha bellowed.

"I do love you! And for the last time, his name is Hojo! HO-JO! Not Homo, not Hobo, not Hoho! Hojo!" Kagome wailed.

"Keh, I don't give a fuck what his name is!" Inuyasha spat. Seconds later, he spoke again, in a calmer, yet cold voice. "So how was he? He satisfy you?" Inuyasha asked.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean how'd he fuck you? Was he all romantic about it? Or maybe you like the rough kind?"

I could not believe he had said that. I peeked around the tree just as Kagome's eyes went wide and her face turned a dark red color. "OSUWARI! Osuwari, osuwari, osuwari!!!!"

Inuyasha slammed into the ground four times as he was subdued by the rosary. He gave a small wimper of pain, and surprisingly, didn't get back up right away and call her a bitch.

"Inuyasha, when you can start to trust me, come to my era and get me. I'm leaving." Kagome said in an exhausted tone. She turned immediately and walked in the direction of the well, not looking back once. Inuyasha, in the meantime, hadn't even bothered to get up from the crater he was lying in.

I walked to him and helped him up. His eyes were brimmed with tears again.

"I want to trust her, Sango, I do... it's just so hard... Part of me doesn't even think she's the right one." he told me.

I stroked his hair again, hoping for him to find comfort in my actions. "I know Inuyasha... Believe me, I know what it's like..."

He sniffed a few times before he asked me, "Do you, Sango?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I do. I mean, a while after Miroku asked me to marry him, he promised me that I would be the only woman for him. Yet I see him stare at many of the village women, and even grope a select few. It hurts me every time, and each time I confront him about it, he promises it'll never happen again."

"So you think Kagome might kiss Homo again?" he asked in a whisper.

I tensed. I wanted him to trust her, the way I wished I trusted Miroku, but I didn't want to lie to him. To be honest, I didn't know whether Kagome actually WOULD let that guy kiss her again. I wondered why she let him in the first place.

"Inuyasha, I'll be honest with you. I don't know. I want to tell you just to trust her, that she wouldn't hurt you, but I can't say for certain what she'll do. Just like I don't know if Miroku will ever be faithful to me." I told him.

"I guess not..." he whispered. "Sango... about what happened back there... I'm sorry I kissed you. I just acted on impulse, I'm sorry. We shouldn't tell anyone."

"It's alright Inuyasha, and I won't say anything. To tell you the truth... I... sort of liked it..." I said, blushing furiously.

"You... did?" Inuyasha wondered in amazement.

"Yeah... I did. It felt different from the times I've kissed Miroku. With you it felt... sort of right..." I mumbled.

"I know... It felt right to me, too..." he said quietly. "Sango... can I kiss you again?"

I probably should've said no, told him it was a bad idea for both of us. But I didn't. For some reason, I let him kiss me. And boy, did he kiss me. Our lips met for the second time that day, and I felt the same passion that I sensed in the first kiss. Inuyasha slid his tongue into my mouth, tasting me, letting me taste him. Kami, did he taste good. Better than anything I had experienced in my life. We kept this up until I needed to break away for air. As soon as I caught my breath, I brought my mouth to his again. After time, his lips left my own and made their way down to my neck. His hand was fisted in my hair, and he tilted my head slightly, to access the skin of my neck easier.

Inuyasha licked and nibbled my neck for heaven knows how long, and before I knew it, his hands were working on loosening my kimono. A strange heat was making its way throughout my body, settling in my abdomen, and I'm sure he could smell it. He said my name in a husky voice, which only turned me on even more. I had to know. Was he aroused too?

I shifted so I could get a glance and answer my question. And right there between his legs was a growing bulge in his pants. Typically, this would have scared me enough to push him off of me and run off. But it didn't. I was actually happy he was having the same reaction to me. Reason quickly gave way to passion, and I found myself undoing the ties to his clothing while he removed my own.

He made love to me twice that night. Slowly, gently, and so very passionately. There was no discomfort for me at all, since I was so physically active all my life. But that made no difference to him. He later told me that it was because he didn't want me to feel like I was just being used to satisfy his lust for the night. That there was something there, and he wanted me to feel it too.

We slept in each other's arms that night, under the warmth of his haori. The next day was awkward for us. I was still engaged to Miroku, and Kagome was expecting Inuyasha to come back for her. But despite all that, I didn't have any regrets. He told me he didn't either. We agreed to just take it one day at a time, to see where it took us. He went back and apologized to Kagome, and she came back. She said they were still "going out", but that didn't seem to mean much... they've only kissed twice, and that was quite a while ago. The most they ever did lately was hug, and even that was infrequent.

As for me, well, Miroku was to be gone for weeks. So I resumed my daily habit of eating, practicing my fighting, and occasionally visiting Kaede and Shippou in the nearby village. Inuyasha and I didn't see each other much for a few days. We weren't exactly avoiding each other, we were just away from camp at different times doing different things. And when we were together, Kagome was there too. So we hadn't discussed anything.

About a week after our first time together, Kagome wanted to go home for five days, to catch up on schoolwork. Inuyasha truly didn't mind that she'd be gone, but put up a fight as usual, to keep her from getting suspicious. Amazingly, he managed to avoid getting sat this time. Instead of running off and spying on her this time, he stayed back at camp with me. We sat in silence for a few minutes, before he announced that he was going hunting for us.

I took this as an opportunity to bathe at a nearby spring. I grabbed my towel and some soaps Kagome had left for me and had my bath. When I got back, Inuyasha was sitting next to the fire, roasting a pig for us. He looked up at me and smirked, but said nothing. We ate in silence, finishing dinner as the sun was setting. I hadn't yet practiced with Hiraikotsu yet, so I grabbed it and started to leave camp.

"Sango, wait..." I heard him say.

Turning back, I saw him standing a few feet behind me. His mouth opened and closed a few times, like he wanted to say something but just couldn't. I set my weapon down and took a seat on a log. Inuyasha sat next to me.

"Sango... when is Miroku coming back?" he wondered.

"I'm not sure. He didn't know when specifically, he just told me it would be a few weeks. Why?"

"Do you still plan on marrying him?" he asked, looking straight ahead at the fire.

"I... I don't know. I really don't. I was already considering calling off the engagement after seeing him hit on the village women, and now this... I just don't know what to do. About any of it." I whispered.

"Sango... I..." he paused, as if debating whether he wanted to continue. He did. "I don't think I want to be with Kagome anymore... I mean, she's a great friend and very nice and all... but I feel like I'm betraying you when I'm with her. Being with you that night, it felt right. And I realized that I want to be with you forever. No matter what it takes, I want to be with you..."

"I understand, and I feel the same way. But we have to take this slowly, Inuyasha. If we marry, or become mated, or whatever, it's going to hurt both Kagome and Miroku. We may not want to marry them, but we can't hurt them like that so suddenly either. Perhaps we should just go about this by ourselves. Miroku's not even here, and Kagome never does anything but hug you anyway, so I have nothing to be jealous of. I think that if we try, we can find a way to be together." I said.

"I hope you're right, Sango... I really do..." he replied, then leaned in to kiss me. I pulled him to me, deepening the kiss, and began taking off his clothes. I got his haori off and then just held him, letting my hands wander up to his ears, rubbing them. He let out a deep moan into my mouth and started to strip me.

"I love you, Sango..." He murmured.

I blushed and smiled, and told him, "I love you too, Inuyasha."

We made love again that night. Things went like this for several weeks. Kagome went home frequently to finish school, and Miroku still hadn't returned from the temple. And Inuyasha and I would sleep with each other. It was getting harder and harder to believe that sooner or later, we would have to deal with the situation and break things off with our former loves. We were both afraid of hurting them, and afraid of hurting each other. Our mutual love was the only thing that kept us going so strong.

Then, just about 3 days ago, things got even worse.

Miroku had been back from Mushin's temple for two days. Being isolated from women for so long had taken its toll on him... he was groping me every five seconds. I'm pretty sure I saw Inuyasha send him several death glares when he would touch my rear. And it was making me VERY uncomfortable. Kagome was out of school now as well, so she was here most of the time. Inuyasha and I hadn't been able to be alone with each other for more than a couple minutes at a time lately, let alone sleep together. Then, as if our tension wasn't high enough, Inuyasha ran into Kikyou on one of his hunts.

She had come to take him to hell with her. He didn't want to go, but she wouldn't let him out of his promise. He eventually got her to agree to let him wait a week and say his goodbyes, already planning on how to get out of going with her. He came back to camp and tried to act like everything was normal, but I could see the trouble in his eyes. He made no mention of Kikyou to us at all. I had gone off to practice alone later that night, when he came to the clearing, tears streaking down his cheeks. He said nothing, and instead ran to me and cried on my shoulder. He told me everything, how Kikyou wanted to take him to hell with her, how he didn't want to leave me, and he got her to wait a week. Then, he started that fateful conversation.

"Sango, do you believe in reincarnation?"

Immediately picturing Kagome, I nodded. "Of course, I think Kagome's proof enough of it."

"And do you believe that two souls destined to be together will find each other, no matter what lifetime?"

"Yes, I do. Why?"

"Because there's only one solution I can think of that would keep me from being bound in hell with Kikyou and allow us to be together... And I may very well take it..." he said, and stared into my eyes with an eerie calmness.

It took a minute for what he said to register with me. "Wait... are you seriously thinking of... of killing yourself?" My eyes began flood with unshed tears.

"It's the only way. Otherwise, she will take me to hell in a week. If I don't go willingly, then she'll force me like she almost managed to last time. But if I die another way, then I'll be reincarnated, and free of that promise. And I could meet you in another lifetime. We could be together, Sango... forever..." Inuyasha said.

"Oh, kami... Inuyasha..." I whispered, wrapping my arms around his torso and crying into his chest. Eventually I lifted my head, and his eyes met mine. "I... I understand... And I'm with you, to the end." I told him, and I blinked, letting the tears escape my eyes. He gave me a sad smile, then kissed me.

"One day from now..." he whispered, before claiming my lips again.

We had sex one last time in that clearing. Never had it been so long, so passionate, so intimate as it was that night.

When we got back to camp, our hair was messed up, and we were sweaty and dirty, so naturally, the others were curious. Inuyasha nonchalantly told them that he found me training, and that we sparred in fun. They bought it, and resumed getting ready to sleep. Kagome and Miroku fell asleep first, then Kirara curled up next to Miroku and dozed off. Inuyasha walked past me and squeezed my hand, before jumping into a tree to sleep. I pretty much cried myself into a slumber.

The day before yesterday, Inuyasha and I were both very distracted, but we didn't let it show. Just after the sun went down, Inuyasha left camp, claiming he wanted to hunt. I was the only one that knew better. I excused myself from the group to practice my fighting by myself. I didn't go to my usual clearing, because I was certain that that was where Inuyasha had chosen to go. So I went to a smaller clearing closer to Kagome's well. I sat down and stared at the sky for a moment, clearing my mind. Then, I took my katana from it's sheath, and cut through the branches of a nearby tree, making sure the blade was sharp. The severed leaves drifted to the earth, and I stood up straight.

Suddenly, I heard Miroku's voice, calling my name. I assumed a fighting stance again, to make it appear as though I was deep in training. He stopped walking when he saw me, then came to me as I relaxed. A small blush crept onto my cheeks as he put his arm around my shoulders.

"Sango, my dear, why are you practicing here? Don't you usually go to the large forest clearing to practice?" he asked me.

"Um... yeah, but Inuyasha says there's usually good game in that area, so I figured he'd end up hunting there." I lied.

"Ah. Well, if I may ask, would you mind cutting your practice time short and coming back to camp? I've been away for so long, I'd love to just hold you and talk like we used to." Miroku told me.

"Uh... Yeah, alright. Sure." I sheathed my katana and hesitantly took his offered hand. We made our way back to camp, where Kagome was sitting, nervously.

"Hey guys, do you know where Inuyasha went? I have this strange feeling... I just want to make sure he's alright." Kagome asked us.

I was about to tell her not to bother him, but Miroku interrupted me. "Yes, Sango thinks he may be in that clearing nearby, because the game is usually good there."

"Alright, I'm gonna go check up on him. I'll be back shortly, guys. There's ramen in my bag if you don't feel like waiting for him to return with dinner." Kagome said, and left camp.

Miroku crept up behind me and put his arms around my waist. I hated having another man touch me after Inuyasha had put his hands on me in such an intimate way. I heard Miroku sigh, and he rested his chin on my shoulder. "How I've missed you, my Sango..." he said.

"I've missed you too, Miroku." I replied.

"Shall we sit and talk now, or would you like something to eat first?" he wondered.

I turned around and hugged him, to keep him from catching on to my mood. "Hmm... I AM hungry, perhaps we should make some ramen."

"I agree. I'll start the water, you get the ramen from Kagome's bag." he said.

Just as I turned around, we heard Kagome scream. A moment later, she called for us to come find her. We got to the clearing, and found her weeping on Inuyasha's stomach. I almost got sick when I saw him. Inuyasha had taken a transformed Tetsusaiga and put the sword straight through his heart. I looked down, feeling a lump in my throat. Miroku knelt over Inuyasha's body and silently prayed.

Kaede performed a funeral for him yesterday. Kikyou had come by, furious that he had done such a thing to keep him from being with her. Seeing that there was no reason for her to stay in this world, Kikyou willingly gave up her soul to Kagome. Miroku and I buried her ashes once again.

I'm sitting in the clearing now, in the very same spot where Inuyasha took his life. I can hear Miroku coming. He's been torn between staying with Kagome and being with me during this time. I've been urging him to go with Kagome, but he always wants me to be there with them. I hear his voice again.

"Sango, why are you sitting here alone?" he wonders.

"No reason, just though Kagome might want some space from me. I'm not doing much to help her." I reply.

"That's simply not true. You're her friend, your very presence helps her during this difficult time." Miroku tells me.

I sigh, and look up at him. "I understand. But if it's alright, I'd like some time alone right now, to gather my thoughts." I say.

"Well... alright, come back to Kaede's hut when you're ready." He turns and leaves.

I'm alone now. Finally, the stress of everything takes its toll on me, and I begin to cry. My tears mix with his blood, still on the grass. I let it all out, falling to the ground weakly, sobbing uncontrollably. I sit like this for a few minutes, just crying. When there are no tears left in my body, I catch my breath, and stand up.

"Inuyasha... I'll see you soon." I whisper, as I take my katana from its sheath once again.

This time, there will be no interruptions. I hold the point of my sword to my heart, applying just enough pressure to pierce the skin. I can see the small drops of blood seep through my kimono. I raise the blade up, and the tip stands about a foot away from my chest.

"Inuyasha, I love you... and I'm with you... to the end."