SEE JARETH AND DAVID RUN

Being a life-long fan of Labyrinth, it has never occurred to me to write a Laby story. I have no idea where this story is going, but am taking a break from writing my novel. This is what several bed-ridden days with the flu, and only a laptop, Labyrinth and my imagination does... Jareth, Sarah and everyone else in Labyrinth belongs to Jim Henson, Jennifer Connelly presumably belongs to herself, David Bowie presumably belongs to himself but I'd like to own him.

Once upon a time...

'GET OUT! GET OUT YOU SNEERING, INTOLERABLE BASTARD! I HATE YOU AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!'

Jareth ducked as a heavy book went flying towards his head and banged on the wall behind him. He looked up to see his queen, his wife, his true love.

Sarah – a very pregnant Sarah – glaring at him from her standing position, hands on hips. Her eyes shot daggers at her king, her husband, her bane of existence.

'What's my fault?'

Sarah pointed at her stomach. 'THIS is your fault!'

Jareth stared. 'But that's your little bundle of joy.' He wasn't able to duck in time as another book flew at his head, whacking him on the forehead. 'Bloody hell, babe, what's gotten into you?'

'What's gotten into me? Try what's getting out of me!' As she began to walk closer, Jareth quickly walked along the wall away from her. 'Ever SINCE you shoved your bloody seed in me and got me pregnant with YOUR kid, I can't remember a single day I haven't woken up and raced towards the bathroom to throw up!'

'Sometimes you don't make it that far...' Jareth cringed as he touched his hair in remembrance of the morning Sarah woke up and threw up on him.

He knew it was the wrong thing to say as he looked back up at Sarah. Waiting for the next blow, Jareth continued to skim across the wall to the open bedroom door, to freedom. After a period of silence, he stared at Sarah. She smiled angelically as she walked seductively towards him. He cringed about the fact that tights don't hide anything as Sarah slowly ran her tongue over her top lip. 'You've suddenly changed...'

Sarah closed the gap between them, running her fingertips down his jaw, her lips only centimetres away from his. 'I love you.'

Jareth grinned. 'I love you too, you wicked lady.'

'I am wicked, aren't I?' Sarah cooed gently to him, running her hands down his chest, down towards his nether regions, forcing him to breathe deeper.

'Yes, you are.'

'And I have a wicked surprise for you. I know you'll love it.' Her hands were stroking him now.

'... A... surprise... ?' His voice was somewhere between a growl and a moan.

'Yes, a surprise.' Jareth blinked. Something had changed in Sarah's voice as she stopped stroking. She grinned. 'I wish the goblins would take you away, right now!' she screamed.

'Sarah - ' Jareth didn't get the chance to say anything else as he disappeared in front of her eyes.

'That wasn't fair.' Sarah spun around to see her annoying guardian angel, Jennifer, sitting on the bed.

'Oh screw fairness. He pissed me off.'

'Watch your language.' Jennifer hopped off the bed and padded over to her. 'You shouldn't make him do that. You know how horrible it was when we did it.'

'So you'll also remember what a pain in the ass he was, too.'

Jennifer sighed softly. 'But he was so sweet in the ballroom... we got to wear a big puffy princess dress...'

Sarah glared. 'We were being hallucinated, Jen! And you WEREN'T there! It was me! Me me me me me!'

Jennifer stuck her tongue out at Sarah. 'You're so unfair.'

'Oh, everything's unfair as far as you're concerned.'

Jareth swore under his breath as he looked out from the dusty hill Sarah had dropped him off at. He didn't like looking at his labyrinth from here. Too far.

'What are you doing here?'

Jareth spun around at the sound of his voice. David stood behind him. 'Pretending I'm Ziggy Stardust, what do you THINK I'm doing?' David shrugged. 'I don't know, that's why I asked.'

Jareth counted to ten under his breath. 'What are you doing here?'

'I could ask you the same thing.'

'Sarah sent me here, now answer my damn question!'

'Some woman sent me here. Lisa Jane or something. Said she wanted me for her story...' David looked up at the heavens, which wasn't really looking down all that kindly on the men at that particular moment. 'To think I got dragged away from my Reality tour for THIS!'

Jareth was getting rather annoyed by this man. 'Will you shut up? Your British accent is highly annoying.'

David's jaw dropped. 'MY British accent? Excuse me, but we have the same accent.'

A throaty woman's voice suddenly came over some intercom in the labyrinth. 'You have thirteen hours, don't waste my time typing arguing! Get moving!'

They sighed, and headed off down the hill towards the big long wall the labyrinth. Jareth was in the lead, and immediately turned right at the bottom of the hill.

'Where are you going?' David remarked from behind him.

'To the door to the Labyrinth. Where do you think I'm going?'

'Good god man, don't you KNOW the way through your own labyrinth?'

Jareth stared at the Aboveground version of himself, rather pissed off. How dare this cloned copy believe he didn't know the way through the labyrinth. 'Of course I know, how stupid do you think I am?'

'Rather stupid actually. The door's there.' David pointed down the wall to his left, pointing at the door.

Jareth thought better of saying anything and stormed past himself, throwing open the door and walking inside.

TBC