Chapter 4

Airplanes and Broken Hearts

Sam and Donna were on an airplane on the way to see Donna's parents and tell them about their engagement. For once in the last few days they were both perfectly quiet, absorbed in their own thoughts. Sam's thoughts were painful. He needed to ask Donna about what Josh had told him but he wasn't sure an airplane was really the place to have that particular conversation. Sam was partially relieved however, because the dinner the other night before hadn't been nearly the catastrophe that he had imagined. Josh had been on best behavior and between the banter of Toby, Will, and CJ, the silence of both Josh and Donna was almost unnoticeable.

One result of the night that Sam hadn't totally expected was that pictures did land in the tabloids. But they weren't the kind of pictures he would have expected. Instead of cutesy, cuddly pictures of Donna and Sam, they were a series of tense pictures of Sam, Donna, and Josh outside of the restaurant, with Josh giving Donna a longing look and Sam looking oblivious. "Possible Presidential Love Triangle" seemed to be the most popular headline.

Sam sighed and glanced around the cabin that was relatively deserted except for an old couple a few rows back and the agents posted across the isle. He decided that an airplane might not be the best place for a personal conversation, but he wasn't going to get a better chance anytime soon.

"Donna?" he questioned softly and she turned in her seat to face him.

"I need to ask you what happened with you and Josh all those years ago." When Donna pulled away slightly he continued. "If we are seriously going to do this it's something that I need to know.

"What did Josh tell you?" Donna questioned.

"Just that it's something you need to tell me."

"Sam, this isn't easy." She responded softly. He didn't answer but put a hand reassuringly on her leg and gave it a slight squeeze.

"You know that Josh started dating Amy again in the final year of the Bartlet Administration, right?" When Sam nodded the affirmative she continued.

"I was as surprised as anyone. I never thought he was serious about Amy. So two days after Bartlet was out of office I went to see Josh. I told him I loved him. And he looked at me for a long moment with the saddest eyes imaginable and told me that he had just proposed to Amy and they were getting married. So I wished him the best and left. What else could I do? So I pretended that nothing happened." Sam tried to interrupt her but once again Donna silenced him and continued.

"Do you remember when you found me crying outside Josh's rehearsal dinner? That was the worst night of all. I went outside to be alone. Josh found me, and kissed me and told me he loved me. And for a moment, I was so happy. All I'd ever wanted was him. But I couldn't do it, Sam! He was getting married teh next day. I couldn't do that to Amy and all of their friends and relatives. I'm not that woman!" Donna's voice rose in pitch and broke slightly so she glanced around the plane to make sure she wasn't causing a public spectacle.

"So I lied. I told him that I didn't love him and never had. I said I was confused and never meant it. Sam, the look in his eyes, it almost killed me. It was like I'd just ripped his heart out of his chest. But he married her. I never understood how he could marry her." She finished so softly that he had to strain to hear her.

"Donna, oh sweetheart." Sam whispered gently as he watched tears slide from her eyes. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. He wised that he'd known. He had always known that something had transpired at the rehearsal dinner but he assumed that the two of them simply acknowledged their mutual attracting and let it go. Donna had never told him and he had never pushed.

"Donna, for the first time, he tried to do what he thought you wanted." Sam finally said.

"Don't try to excuse him!" Donna responded.

"I'm not." Sam said. "I'm sorry." He finished after a long pause.

"Donna, where did you find the willpower to go to the wedding after that?" Sam questioned.

"I knew that if I didn't go, Amy would have known that something happened between Josh and me. And as much as I disliked her, I couldn't do that to her. Hey, Sam, you were the reason I made it through that wedding. You were there for me from Amy walking down the isle, to getting me drunk on champagne at the reception. Hell, you even got me out of dancing with Josh." Donna said smiling through her tears.

"I'm sorry Donna."

"Don't be sorry. I couldn't have asked for anything more. You're always there when I need you." Donna whispered softly. Sam saw the tears shining in her blue eyes and was suddenly struck by how beautiful she was. She leaned towards him and softly touched her mouth to his. Sam was overwhelmed by the amazing sensation of kissing Donna but he pulled back and cupped her face in his hands.

"Not like this." He simply told her. Then he pulled her gently so her head rested snugly on his shoulder. He felt her body relax and her breathing slow and in a matter of minutes he knew she was sleeping. Suddenly Sam saw the extreme beauty and fragility of the woman asleep on his shoulder. And for the first time he wondered if what he was asking of her was too much.